adaptation

Game Corner [Ghostbusters Day]: Ghostbusters (Mega Drive)

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Throw on your proton pack and get ready to bust some ghosts because June 8th is, officially, “Ghostbusters Day”! Ghostbusters (Reitman, 1984) was first released on this day back in 1984 and, since then, has become a major pop culture franchise that includes comic books, a popular cartoon and line of action figures, and videogames and it is, easily, one of my favourite films and franchises from that era.

This review has been supported by Chiara Cooper.
If you’d like to support the site, you can do so at my Ko-Fi page.

Released: 30 June 1990
Developer: SEGA / Compile

The Background:
Ever since Ghostbusters was released and became a big hit, the concept of four somewhat-bumbling New York parapsychologists snagging troublesome spirits has developed into a pretty significant franchise. We’ve had the under-rated sequel, a questionable reboot, and a decent enough modern follow-up, a couple of popular cartoons, a whole slew of action figures and comic books, and, naturally, videogames. The first Ghostbusters-branded videogame was a multi-platform release from Activision that was a huge success despite being wildly different across each home console and containing humourous grammatical errors. Although the much-loved cartoon spin-off failed to replicate its success at the arcades, Japanese developer Compile made up for this with a much-sought-after Mega Drive title in 1990. The game, which was oddly missing Winston Zeddemore from its roster, was largely praised for its graphics and addictive gameplay, but criticised for its music and sound design. Although ranked highly among Ghostbusters videogames, the Mega Drive title is also seen as one of the strangest titles in the franchise for its unique art style and gameplay mechanics.

The Plot:
After saving New York City (and the entire world) from Zuul, business is slow for the Ghostbusters. However, when ghosts and ghouls rise again, the three supernatural exterminators rush to help (and earn some cash in the process) and solve the mystery of an ancient stone tablet.

Gameplay:
Ghostbusters is a 2D, sidescrolling run-and-gun with light platforming elements and an emphasis on exploration, purchasing upgrades, and choosing which missions to undertake. Players can pick from one of the three Ghostbusters, and there are slight differences between each character: Doctor Peter Venkman is the allrounder, with normal speed and stamina; Doctor Ray Stanz (referred to as “Raymond”) compensates for his slow speed with a higher stamina; and Doctor Egon Spengler is fast on his feet but has less health than his fellow Ghostbusters. In this case, I guess it makes some sense to leave Winston out of the game as his stats would inevitably mirror one of the others, but it’s still a kick in the teeth that all four Ghostbusters aren’t playable. Despite the fact that Ghostbusters was very much an ensemble movie and focused on the camaraderie between the main characters, the videogame is a single player experience, and once you pick a Ghostbuster, you can’t switch to another one mid-way through the game.

Explore a number of locations zapping and trapping ghosts to earn cash.

Regardless of which Ghostbuster you pick, the game’s primary controls and mechanics remain the same; pressing A will see you toss one of your limited supply of bombs to deal damage to or defeat enemies, B will fire your current weapon from your proton pack, and C allows you to jump. Oddly, you cannot change these controls, which is a bit of a shame as I’d much rather have A be fire, B jump, and C throw bombs but it’s not too difficult to adapt to the controls. Pressing Start brings up the game’s inventory screen, where you can select a different weapon, activate a shield, use items such as food or the infrared scope, and view the grid-like map. The map gets coloured in as you explore and will give you a vague idea of where the “middle ghosts” and bosses are in each level, but it’s a very barebones map screen not unlike those seen in the early Metroid videogames (Various, 1986 to present). The heads-up display (HUD) will show your stamina (basically your health bar), proton pack energy, remaining lives, the number of bombs you have left, and how many ghosts are left for you to catch in the stage you’re in. When you start the game, you can pick from one of four different locations in New York City; each building has a different number of spooks that you need to catch and will net you a different cash pay-out, and basically the amount of money you can earn determines how difficult the stage will be. Once in the location, you need to seek out the ghosts and try to catch them; along the way, you’ll encounter some basic enemies that’ll you need to blast and hazards to avoid or hop over. The Ghostbusters can fire while moving and shoot both upwards and diagonally, which is extremely helpful; they can also crouch through small gaps and vents and swim without worrying about drowning. Your goal is to “encounter” the stage’s resident ghosts, which act as sub-bosses; once the ghost has been defeated, its spirit will float around the immediate area and you’ll have to hold down fire button (or tap it, it’s not very clear) to snag the spook in your proton stream and try to drag it over the ghost trap to capture it. If you manage to do this (and it’s easier said than done sometimes), you’ll see some of your health and energy restored and get a cash bonus; if you fail, either due to running out of energy or taking too long, the ghost will run away and you’ll lose out on these bonuses.

There’s some freedom to level and item selection, and the difficulty shifts accordingly.

However, you don’t actually need to capture these ghosts in order to progress; you just need to battle and defeat them and tick them off in the HUD in order for the boss ghost to appear on the map. You can freely navigate your way back to the start of the stage to exit back to the Ghostbuster’s headquarters and purchase additional health, items, and gear if you need to and you’ll have a limited number of continues at your disposal to carry on playing if you lose a life. The game can be played in either Easy, Normal, or Hard mode; I played on Easy and had nine continues, but I imagine the harder modes limit your continues (possibly your lives as well) and potentially make enemies more aggressive. Enemies will respawn when you leave the screen, or sometimes when you hang around too long, and you’ll encounter such hazards as spikes, lava, limited visibility due to lack of lighting, swinging axes, and projectile-spitting barriers that block your progress. Thankfully, there’s no time limit to worry about so you can take your time exploring each location, and you’ll need to search all over to track down the ghosts and figure out how to progress further. This can be confusing at times, thanks both to the map and how familiar some of the stages are laid out and appear, and the screen sometimes doesn’t scroll up fast enough for you to see temporary platforms or ladders that lead to a new area or the final boss. There are also no checkpoints in the levels so, if you exit or lose all your lives and have to continue, you’ll have to play through the entire stage from the start again but, on the plus side, you won’t have to capture the middle ghosts again.

Graphics and Sound:
I’ve played the 8-bit Ghostbusters videogames, and the arcade shooter, and I have to say that I have long been intrigued by screenshots and gameplay footage of this title. The game immediately stands out by utilising a charming chibi-style aesthetic than compresses the characters down to squat, cartoonish sprites with comically oversized heads! This gives the Ghostbusters a great deal of personality and expression, especially when hit, dying, or left idle; you’ll even see their breath in the frozen apartment stage, and you’ll be treated to a 16-bit rendition of the iconic Ghostbusters theme alongside some jaunty and catchy tunes to keep you invested in even the more uninspiring locations. While the bog standard enemies aren’t much to shout about, the sub-bosses and bosses are extremely creative and unique in terms of their appearance; the game even includes some fun homages, such as a giant man-eating plant not unlike Audrey II (Levi Stubbs, et al) from Little Shop of Horrors (Oz, 1986), alongside familiar enemies like Slimer and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Though the locations are a bit bland, the sprites are comical and expressive and the story’s told well.

Indeed, Mister Stay Puft will be a constant presence in the high-rise building stage, leering in through windows and punching through the background as you progress upwards. The game’s main four stages are all quite similar in terms of their basic layout, containing doors to pass through, ladders to climb, and spikes to avoid, but the more profitable stages are noticeably bigger and more maze-like. The “Home Sweet Home” stage is a haunted mansion that just about separates itself from the high-rise building with dining tables and falling (and candle-tossing) chandeliers; the apartment stage grows increasingly frozen as you progress, with falling icicles dropping from above (but, thankfully, you don’t have to worry about the ground being slippery); the woody house requires the infrared scope to cast some light in the darkness and is filled with lava and narrow (or temporary) wooden log platforms. Once you’ve beaten the main four stages, you’ll head to a mossy, dungeon-like castle and, finally, descend into a deep hole full of diamond-like glass and damaging globs. The story is told through text boxes and pixelated renditions of the characters and their clients as they discuss the mysterious tablet pieces they acquire and the dialogue captures that amusing Ghostbusters banter that made the film so memorable; some limited sprite animations also help progress the story, but the majority of the cutscenes take place in these small box windows that somewhat limit their appeal.

Enemies and Bosses:
Each stage is filled with some minor enemies who dog your progress and don’t offer any pick-ups or cash upon defeat; you’ll encounter leaping slime balls, possessed cutlery and tablecloths, ice-like golems, big jellyfish, bouncing orbs, flaming bat-like spooks, gaunt zombies, and demonic teddy bears. Each of these can be dispatched in just a few hits but, as enemies will respawn and have a tendency to follow you, it’s quite easy to get caught off-guard or swamped with enemies at times, and this can be frustrating as you’ll experience some knock-back upon taking damage with can cause you to drop to a lower area or fall onto some spikes or lava.

You’ll need to wait for a lot of the middle ghosts to reveal themselves so you can properly damage them.

There are ten middle ghosts that need to be fought (and, ideally, captured) in order to refill some of your health and energy, snag a cash bonus, and unlock the stage’s boss battle. These “encounters” take place in an isolated area in each stage and, since you can take on the main four stages in any order, their difficulty can vary depending on which route you take. I played “Home Sweet Home” first, which sees you battling Silk Hatton, a headless gentleman ghost who resists your projectiles; you can only deal damage to this spirit when its demonic, dog-like “head” pops out of its top hat. You’ll need to avoid (or shoot) Silk Hatton’s projectiles and, once you deal enough damage, it’ll split into two disembodied parts that need to be blasted to reduce it to a catchable spirit. You’ll battle the ice giant Crystarobo in the apartment stage; this crystalline monster lumbers and hops about, blasting lightning that spawns small minions, swinging overhead, and even detaching its limbs to attack you and it can only be damaged by shooting its head. You’ll also need to battle the Siren, a witch-like entity that flies about at the top of the screen shooting a three-way projectile at you and splitting into three to fire large shots your way; it’s invulnerable when flying overhead and you’ll need to shoot the correct Siren in order to whittle her health down and snag her spirit. In the woody house, you’ll encounter the Fire Dragon and Fire Giant; while the “giant” is anything but and leaps all over the place spitting embers at you and is comparatively weak, the dragon is a pain in the ass as it randomly pops up through the floor to breathe a long plume of fire at you that is very difficult to dodge.

Monstrous creatures, possessed Ghostbusters, and even Death itself must be conquered to progress.

In the high-rise building, you’ll come across the 100-Eyed Centipede that worms around in mid-air and splits into separate, sweeping parts as you damage it; the 3-Way Shot upgrade is super useful here as the creature spreads itself across a large area and can be tricky to dodge as a result. You’ll also battle the Shell Beast, a green, glob-like ghost that shields itself from attacks with a pink shell and bounces around the arena; you must fire up at it when it cracks open, but can blast its projectiles to make this one of the easier encounters in the game. Finally, in the castle, you’ll battle the massively annoying Broccoli Worm that’s a bastard to jump over and splits into separate parts, the Grim Reaper himself (who flies about swinging his scythe at you and sending flaming blades spinning around the arena, and who can only be damaged by hitting his head), and even possessed versions of your kidnapped Ghostbuster pals! These two will mimic your currently-equipped weapon and match you shot for shot but, oddly, cannot damage you on physical contact; equally, the only way you can free them from their possession is to get around them to blast the spirit floating around near them, and I recommend equipping the Phaser Shell weapon as it’s slow and easier to dodge than other shots.

Bosses can take quite a bit of punishment, and love hopping about and firing projectiles.

Once you’ve captured the middle ghosts in each stage, you’ll be able to fight the boss can acquire a piece of the tablet or other key item to progress the story. There are five main bosses, one for each of the main levels, and four of them will need to be battled again in the “Deep Hole” stage before you can tackle the game’s final boss. In the apartment stage, you’ll find Scalon, a reptilian creature that rolls and hops about and is protected by its scales. When it attacks, it sends its scales flying off its body, exposing its true form and leaving it vulnerable, but you’ll need to fend off these projectiles and try to hop over or run under it as it moves back and forth across the arena. The frozen apartments are home to a demonic Snowman; this frosty customer floats above your head and spawns smaller versions of itself that shoot their carrot noses at you, but is pretty simple to take out, especially if you have the 3-Way Shot equipped. One of the more laborious bosses for me was the Wall Man from the woody house; in the first encounter, this massive projectile-spitting face is fought over a gap that leads to a lava pit, but this obstacle is missing in the “Deep Hole” stage, making the battle a lot easier. Basically, you need to fire diagonally upwards or jump-shoot at the eye that appears on the Wall Man’s forehead or chin, avoiding the enemies and projectiles he spits out, but he appears (seemingly at random) on either side of the screen, making this an exercise in trial and error.

After defeating a couple of familiar foes, you’ll face the newest God of Destruction on the block!

On the roof of the high-rise building, you’ll have a rematch with Mr. Stay Puft; this joyous kaijiu looms in the background firing lasers from its eyes, will-o’-the-wisp-like flames from its mouth, and trying to punch you from either side of the screen. However, it’s surprisingly simple to just blast away at Mr. Stay Puft’s grinning visage and put him down for the count. Easily the most difficult boss you’ll encounter before the finale is the Insect Trapper, a huge man-eating plant and fires a large laser from its gaping mouth and constantly spawns fines and snapping plant minions to attack you. I couldn’t quite tell if he creature was immune to my shots when its mouth was closed, so I simply poured on the firepower non-stop and kept low to the ground, switching to 3-Way Shot to dispatch the smaller minions. Once they’re all defeated, you’ll face off against Janna in a two-stage encounter; first, the massive, armoured monstrosity sits stationary and tosses an easily-avoidable bouncing heart at you and launches a spinning scythe that you need to race all the way to the left to avoid. Damage her head (her one weak spot) enough and she’ll detach from the background and float around, constantly hovering just out of reach of your attacks and tossing her scythe at you; however, if you stay on the move, duck and crawl when necessary, and take to the high ground when she exposes herself, you can take her down without too much trouble.

Power-Ups and Bonuses:
In-game power-ups and pick-ups are few and far between, making this a tough experience at times; you’ll come across Slimer in every stage (sometimes more than once, and usually right before or after an encounter) and can blast him for a health or energy boost, but he won’t respawn unless you lose a life or use a continue. If you’re extremely lucky, you might stumble across a 1-Up in a stage, which is massively useful, but you’ll generally be dependent on capturing ghosts or defeating the boss to refill your health and energy meters outside of buying items. You’ll find safes in each level that can be destroyed to gift you bags of cash (or damaging bombs) and you can spam-collect these by entering and exiting stages over and over so you can buy everything you need.

Slimer will drop power-ups, but you’ll need cold, hard cash to purchase new weapons and gear.

There are two shops at Ghostbusters HQ; an item shop and a weapon shop. At the item shop, you can buy health-restoring items, bombs, and infrared scopes but these items will sell out pretty quickly so be sure to use them sparingly in stages. At the weapon shop, you can purchase new weapons and shields to make things easier on yourself; I found the most useful weapon to be the 3-Way Shot but you can also get the Phaser Shell (which fires a slow, but powerful, burst of energy), the Bubble Projectile (a slow, floaty bubble that I had little use for), and an explosive shot to damage multiple enemies at once. These additional weapons do drain your energy meter a lot faster, however, which can limit their use and your ability to capture ghosts. You can also upgrade and extend your energy meter and buy protective gear like the Special Suit that reduces the amount of damage you take for a limited time and the Barrier, which renders you temporarily invincible at the cost of draining your energy meter. Each of these items and weapons can be equipped from the inventory menu, carries a hefty price tag, and often can only be used once per life.

Additional Features:
Although Ghostbusters is a fairly lengthy game for its era, there’s not too much extra material to spice things up. As mentioned, there’s no two-player mode and there isn’t even a high score to try and beat. Instead, the replayability comes from the addictive gameplay, the option to play as a different Ghostbuster, and the freedom in picking which order you play the first four stages.

The Summary:
I have to admit that I was a little intimidated and concerned when I finally sat down the play Ghostbusters; the game is so expensive and so hard to come by that I was worried that it wouldn’t live up to the hype I’d built up for it or the promise of its graphics. Thankfully, the game definitely delivers a solid experience; the controls are tight and responsive and blasting ghosts and enemies is a lot of fun, despite how difficult I found it to be to actually capture the little buggers. The graphics are charming and amusing, especially the sprite work on the main characters and the enemies, which more than makes up for some lacklustre environments. I actually really enjoyed earning cash to purchase new items and weapons; while you will need to grind a bit if you want to buy everything on sale, you don’t necessarily need to have every item the game offers to you and can fare well enough with the default weapon and setup. While it’s a shame that the game doesn’t include some kind of two-player mechanic or the ability to play as Winston or drive Ecto-1, Ghostbusters is easily the best videogame adaptation of the film I’ve played from this era of gaming; it’s tough but fair, presented wonderfully, and kept me engaged from start to finish. The only real drawback is how hard it can be to get your hands on a physical copy; I got lucky with mine, but it’s probably best you emulate it to save your money and also take advantage of save states to make things even easier on yourself.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Have you ever played Ghostbusters on Mega Drive? If so, what did you think to it and how does it compare to other Ghostbusters videogames from that era? Which of the Ghostbusters did you play as, and were you disappointed by Winston’s absence? Which of the bosses was your favourite and did you also struggle with capturing spooks for cash? What memories do you have of Ghostbuster merchandise like cartoon and action figures? How are you celebrating Ghostbusters Day today? Whatever your thoughts and memories of Ghostbusters, go ahead and share them below or drop a comment on my social media.

Back Issues [Predator Month]: Predator #1-4

Dr. K1 Comment

In 2019, there was a fan movement to christen June 12th as “Predator Day” to officially celebrate the release of the classic science-fiction action/horror Predator (McTiernan, 1987). This provides the perfect excuse to revisit this under-rated franchise and, this year, I’m dedicating every Tuesday to sci-fi’s greatest alien hunter.

This review has been supported by Chiara Cooper.
If you’d like to support the site, you can do so at my Ko-Fi page.

Story Title: “Concrete Jungle”
Published: June 1989 to March 1990
Writer: Mark Verheiden
Artist: Chris Warner and Ron Randall

The Background:
In 1980, Mike Richardson founded Dark Horse Comics, a comic publisher that separated itself from the heavy-hitters like DC Comics and Marvel Comics by focusing its efforts on creator-owned titles. Dark Horse Comics achieved greater mainstream success in 1988 by publishing licensed stories and adaptations of horror and science-fiction films and franchises, the most prominent of these was the merging of the Alien franchise (Various, 1977 to present) and the Predator films (Various, 1987 to present). However, concurrent to writer Chris Warner’s three-issue clash between those two, Dark Horse Comics also published this four-issue spin-off of the Predator franchise, specifically revolved around the hitherto-unknown brother of Major Alan “Dutch” Schaefer (Arnold Schwarzenegger), later retitled to “Concrete Jungle”. Perhaps bolstered by the crossover between Aliens and Predator, “Concrete Jungle” proved popular enough to spawn not only a slew of additional Predator spin-off comics and movie adaptations, but also crossovers with other comic book icons such as DC Comics’ superheroes and even lawman of the future Judge Joseph Dredd. While the Predator movies have often been met with mixed reviews, comic book adaptations continued to be published, with the alien hunters even crossing over into Marvel Comics after Disney purchased 20th Century Fox.

The Review:
Much like Predator 2 (Hopkins, 1990) “Concrete Jungle” is set in an overpopulated and crime-ridden city during a stifling heatwave that drives its citizens to violence and even murder. In this case, we’re in New York City and following police detectives and long-term friends and partners Errol G. Rasche and John Schaefer, Dutch’s older brother who got them transferred from narcotics to homicide after tossing a cartel chief off a rooftop. While Rasche is convinced this is a conspiracy headed by their corrupt police captain, McComb, to have them offed by local gangs, Schaefer’s more concerned about the stars looking “different” than either their current situation or the escalating drug problem sweeping the city streets. This nicely segues to a tense meeting between two rival gangs, headed by Lamb and Carr; while Carr advocates for them joining forces to maximise their profits and fend off Columbian cartels, Lamb would much rather fight to the death and see who’s left to reap the rewards. Just as an all-out gunfight is about to break out, one of Lamb’s men is blasted from behind by the Predator’s plasma cannon; another is diced up when he sticks his head out the window and, assuming it’s an attack by the Columbians, both gangs open fire and blow a hole in the building wall. The fracas draws the attention of the cops but, when Rasche and Schaefer arrive, they’re barred from entering the building until Captain McComb arrives.

Stubborn Schaefer ignores all the warnings and ends up going toe-to-toe with a Predator.

Just like the hot-headed Lieutenant Mike Harrigan (Danny Glover), Schaefer doesn’t really give a damn about McComb’s authority and he and Rasche head on in after one of the gang members is hurled from a window and crashes into a police car. Inside, they’re horrified to find the remains of the two gangs littering the floor and strung up, skinned, from the ceiling. Carr, who somehow survived the massacre, opens fire, blaming the cops for what happened, and manages to slip away right before Special Weapons and Tactics (S.W.A.T.) come crashing in, led by an incensed McComb. Pissed that Schaefer disobeyed a direct order, McComb continues the homage retread of Predator 2 by chewing the blonde-haired muscleman out for overstepping his boundaries. Later, Rasche and Schaefer investigate a wholesale slaughter in the subway, again covering the same ground as Predator 2 and seeing McComb reprimand them despite the fact that they’re literally just responding to calls rather than actively involving themselves in the investigation. This time, however, McComb’s orders are overruled by the appearance of General Homer Philips, Dutch’s former commanding officer from the first movie, who takes Rasche and Schaefer aside to warn them off out of loyalty to Dutch. While we’re never told what happened to Dutch or where he is, he clearly told General Philips enough about his big brother and the Predator for him to step in, for their own safety, assuring them that it’ll all be over in about two weeks if they don’t interfere. Realising that the gruesome murders are somehow connected to Dutch, Schaefer naturally ignores these warnings and breaks into Lamb’s apartment, now a crime scene, where he’s blindsided by the Predator. A fist fight breaks out, one naturally one-sided, that sees the Predator place a curious implant into Schaefer’s neck and him managing to steal the creature’s helmet after smashing it off with a piece of timber.

Schaefer’s search for answers takes him to South America, where he easily scores his first Predator kill.

For his efforts, he’s left with a broken nose and sent plummeting to the street below; he’s saved from death only by grabbing on to and tangling himself up in washing lines conveniently hanging between buildings. Despite being left a bloody mess, his snark remains intact, but his doctor is unconvinced by the paper thin explanations the two give for the brute’s injuries. Stubbornly refusing to take the time to rest, Schaefer limps his way over to Rasche’s home where he suggests that the Predator tagged him to keep track of him for later and insists that they try to find General Philips so they can get some real answers. Their efforts are interrupted by a furious McComb, but when he threatens to have Schaefer brought up on charges, the hulk lashes out, smashing his telephone, ramming McComb against the wall, and threatening him with further violence if he doesn’t give up General Philips. However, McComb is too low on the totem pole to help; as far as he’s concerned, General Philips doesn’t exist, there is no investigation, and all of it is far above his paygrade. With no other leads to go on, Schaefer decides to fly out to South America, Dutch’s last known location, and look for answers himself despite the danger posed to him by the Columbians he’s pissed off. He finds himself a guide in a seedy bar in Riosucio and is led to first the overgrown remains of the guerrilla camp Dutch and his team ransacked in Predator and then the massive crater left over from the Predator’s (Kevin Peter Hall) self-destruct device. At night, Schaefer reminisces about his childhood with Dutch (the two of them used to hunt in the woods, not for sport or fun but to test their mettle against nature) and arms himself with a fully automatic shotgun when his neck implant alerts him to the Predator’s presence. Although he’s able to dodge the Predator’s plasma cannon and even land a shot on the creature’s shoulder, Schaefer’s caught off-guard by the Predator’s cloak; still, he’s able to stab it in the ribs before being manhandled. Schaefer’s as quick with his wit as he is with his thinking, though, and tosses salt in the Predator’s eyes before beating it with a log, successfully knocking it over a cliff edge and causing it to be impaled on a spike-like tree branch.

In the face of a Predator invasion and military cover-ups, Schaefer seeks allies in low places.

Schaefer’s less than surprised when it turns out that his guide was one of General Philips’ men, who’s distraught that Schaefer killed the creature and even suggests that Philips knew about the Predator when he sent Dutch into the jungle. As he forces Schaefer to face General Philips, chastising him for not understanding the implications of killing one of the alien hunters, they’re attacked by Columbian drug lords, who kill the guide and manage to knock Schaefer out. Although Schaefer’s able to fight his way out before he can be tortured, a whole gang of Predators strikes the drug camp, wiping out the Columbians with their plasma cannons and setting the base on fire. Thankfully, General Philips arrives to help get Schaefer out of there and back to New York, where Philips confirms that he’s known about the Predators all along and that they seem to be fixated on Schaefer and his brother. Meanwhile, Rasche messes about with the Predator’s helmet and, when he puts it on, figures out what’s been screwing with television receptions and the stars when he sees a whole fleet of cloaked Predator ships hovering throughout the city skyline! When he attempts to warn McComb, the police captain shoots him down and threatens him with jail for withholding evidence and he’s taken into custody by agents of the Inland Revenue Service acting on behalf of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). When he realises that the Feds mean to hand Schaefer over to the Predators, Rasche is able to take advantage of the accountants’ penchant for numbers to overpower them and load up at the station armoury. Showing little concern for the safety of New York, Schaefer knocks Philips out and forces his chopper to land so he can reconvene with Rasche but, realising that they’re outgunned and outmatched against the alien menace, Schaefer goes to Carr to recruit him and his gang.

Just when all hope seems lost, the Predators just…decide to leave and the conflict is over.

Although he’s naturally suspicious of the cop, Carr is immediately attacked by a Predator; when Schaefer struggles to fend off the Predator, Rasche arrives and blows it away with a bazooka, convincing Carr to set aside their differences to combat the alien invasion. The Predator ships open fire, bombarding the city with devastating laser blasts but Schaefer and the others manage to escape to safety and get their forces together to make a final stand against the invaders. Schaefer draws first blood, using the Predator helmet to direct Carr in bringing down a Predator ship with a single rocket, somewhat undermining the threat of their advanced technology and looming ships. Their efforts catch the attention and anger of Captain McComb, who surrounds the immediate area and calls for their surrender but, just as McComb is about to gun Schaefer down in the street, a Predator ship decloaks and opens fire, resulting in McComb getting his face blasted off by a Predator’s plasma blast. Schaefer’s helmet is damaged after he goes off all gung-ho and Rasche is injured by a plasma shot before General Philips and the army turn up, only to reveal that the military is preparing to launch a massive air strike that will level the city and lay waste to both the populace and the “foreigners”. Schaefer targets fire hydrants to short out the Predator’s technology, revealing their ground forces and allowing him and his allies to take the fight to them, but the Predators quickly overpower even Schaefer. However, they burst into laughter when they see the incoming choppers amidst a dark, rainy sky. Schaefer finally pulls his neck implant out as the Predators leave, theorising that the weather has turned too cold, and the situation has escalated so far that there’s no sport to be found in New York anymore. Schaefer vows to see them again the next time it grows unseasonably hot and ignores General Philips’ scolding to get Rasche to safety, showing little consideration for the state of the city.

The Summary:
While the artwork of “Concrete Jungle” is pretty good, with Schaefer appearing as a good facsimile of Arnold Schwarzenegger and New York City mimicking the aesthetic of Predator 2, the writing and narrative leaves a lot to be desired. Although Dutch dropped a couple of situational one-liners, he wasn’t some cliché, snark-spouting machine; his older brother, however, has almost John McClane (Bruce Willis) levels of sarcasm and is never short of a wry remark no matter how desperate the situation is. This is fine for a one-dimensional action hero and helps to differentiate the elder Schaefer from his brother, but it doesn’t always land for me; it doesn’t help that he’s motivated not out of a desire to serve and protect but more to test his own limits. A proud man with little regard for authority, he sees New York as an unsalvageable cesspool and he simply rises to the challenge when the Predators arrive, sensing their presence even before he’s forcibly implanted with their relatively unexplained and ultimately pointless neck device. In many ways, Schaefer is a mixture of Dutch’s musclebound bravado and Harrigan’s weathered, roguish character; he bursts into crime scenes, shows up where he’s not wanted, and openly defies both his superior and the American military, just like Harrigan, while throwing his muscles around and being a driven man’s-man just like his younger brother. Unfortunately, these elements come together in a way that doesn’t really gel for me; “Concrete Jungle” has a really interesting premise that it just squanders in favour of recreating or referencing events from the first two Predator films.

The story contains a few too many callbacks to the films and completely upends General Philips’ character.

I really like the idea of the hunters arriving on Earth en masse; the visual of characters wearing their helmets, being horrified at the sight of the fleet, and the Predator ships opening fire upon New York City and swarming the streets is a striking one and a natural escalation from the existing movies that only comics can provide since they’re unconstrained by budgets. But all the potential of these plot points isn’t realised until the final few pages of the last issue and, instead, the bulk of the story is spent on a rehash of the main plot elements of Predator 2. Like Los Angeles, New York is a grimy city in the middle of a gang war about drugs that involves a lot of violence, and, like Harrigan, Schaefer has no time for the red tape surrounding this and wants to bring both gangs down. The Predator not only slaughters both gangs much like in the opening moments of Predator 2 but even randomly attacks subway passengers, just like in that film; McComb’s anger at Schaefer is a combination of Special Agent Peter Keyes (Gary Busey) and Deputy Chief Phil Heinemann (Robert Davi), and the general visual and narrative thrust of the first two issues is geared very much towards recreating sequences of Predator 2, robbing “Concrete Jungle” of much of its identity. The story then finds a contrived reason to ship Schaefer over to South America for literally no other reason than to reference events from the first film; it turns out that he’s right and General Philips is there, but this could’ve just as easily taken place somewhere else, and Dutch’s actions could’ve been represented by pictures and dialogue rather than literally having Schaefer stand in that crater. I enjoyed the return of General Philips, a character I would’ve loved to see make a return in a hypothetical Predator 3 back in the nineties, and it was interesting learning that he was aware of the Predator before sending Dutch in, effectively turning him into a Keyes substitute.

Some good art and action doesn’t make up for a squandered plot and diminished Predator threat.

I can’t say I actually enjoy this twist, though; the brief interaction between Dutch and Philips spoke to me as two old friends who have an immense amount of respect for each other, and nothing in Predator suggested that he (or anyone apart from Anna Gonsalves (Elpidia Carrillo)) was aware of the Predators. In fact, the prevailing understanding is that the world (or, at least, the government and military) only became aware of the Predators after that first film and I found it a bit disappointing and frustrating to find out that Philips was happy to sacrifice his best soldier and close friend to the alien hunters. Of the two protagonists, Rasche gets quite a bit of development; we see his home, learn and see a little from his family, and he’s much more concerned with the implications of their actions compared to Schaefer; it’s also through him that we learn anything about Schaefer for some time, as surface-level as it is, so I was glad that he didn’t die, especially as it seemed like he was going to. Then there’s the Predators; modelled after the ones seen in the first two movies with little deviations, they sport very little new weaponry or technology, and their threat has been significantly downplayed. Naturally, in a one-on-one fight, not even Schaefer can stand against one of them, but he is able to wound them, knock one of their helmets off, sense their presence even before he gets his neck implant, and is able to kill one much easier than either of the films’ two protagonists. Schaefer can dodge their plasma cannons pretty easily, regularly fights them off with melee weapons, and never has to worry about their wrist blades, combisticks, or other weapons as these either don’t get much play or are only used against disposable background characters. The ending was also extremely anti-climactic; with all of New York under siege and the human characters vastly overpowered, the battle/invasion/whatever just…ends because of a bit of rain and the suggestion that the Predators just wanted to goad humans into destroying each other. It’s a bit vague and very unfulfilling for an ending, with the only consolation being that it didn’t end the same way as the films (with a one-on-one fight against a Predator) but, in this case, maybe it should’ve as it seems like the Predators were just messing about and never intended to wipe out the city (and/or humanity) despite clearly being able to with their superior force (…as long as you ignore how easily Carr took down one of their ships…)

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Have you ever read the original, four-issue Predator story? If so, what did you think to it? Do you own a copy of the original comics or did you pick up the collected edition? Were you also disappointed by repetition of events from the first two movies? What did you think to John Schaefer, especially compared to his little brother, and the revelation that General Philips knew about the Predators? Were you disappointed that the story didn’t do more with the Predator invasion plot or did you enjoy the callbacks to the first two films? Which of Dark Horse’s Predator stories or adaptations was your favourite? Whatever your thoughts on Predator, and comic book adaptations of this kind, drop a comment down below or share your thoughts on my social media.

Talking Movies [Superman Month]: Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut

Dr. K3 Comments

In 2013, DC Comics declared the 12th of June as “Superman Day”, a day for fans of the Man of Steel the world over to celebrate Clark Kent/Kal-El/Superman, the superpowered virtue of “Truth, Justice, and the American Way” who is widely regarded as the first ever costumed superhero. This year, I’m spending every Monday of June celebrating the Man of Steel as I expand Superman Day to “Superman Month“.

This review has been supported by Chiara Cooper.
If you’d like to support the site, you can do so at my Ko-Fi page.

Released: 28 November 2006
Originally Released: 9 April 1981
Director: Richard Donner
Distributor: Warner Bros.
Budget: $54 million
Stars: Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder, Terence Stamp, Sarah Douglas, Jack O’Halloran, and Gene Hackman

The Plot:
Having thwarted Lex Luthor’s (Hackman) maniacal plans, Clark Kent/Superman (Reeve) faces a new challenge when intrepid reporter Lois Lane (Kidder) deduces his secret identity. While Clark prepares to give up his incredible powers to be with Lois, General Zod (Stamp) and his cohorts escape from the Phantom Zone and terrorise the planet, forcing Clark to choose between his happiness and his responsibilities to mankind.

The Background:
As detailed previously, producers Ilya and Alexander Salkind and Pierre Spengler convinced Warner Bros. to produce a two-part Superman adaptation back in the late seventies. However, the production of Superman (Donner, 1978) was fraught with financial and creative issues; director Richard Donner frequently clashed with the producers and Richard Lester was brought in as a mediator to allow the filmmakers to focus on the first film, which was a financial and critical success. Despite having shot 75% of the sequel, Donner was ultimately replaced by Richard Lester, a decision that irked star Gene Hackman so much that he refused to return for the necessary reshoots; Lester shot an entirely new opening for Superman II in addition to making numerous changes to emphasise slapstick silliness. Star Christopher Reeve returned after negotiating a better deal for himself but Marlon Brando was excised completely due to his unrealistic financial demands. Despite all the behind the scenes turmoil, Superman II was a critical and commercial success but fans campaigned for years to see Donner’s original vision restored. Donner was understandably reluctant to return to the film but came onboard after Warner Bros’ reached a deal with Brando’s estate as part of the production for Superman Returns (Singer, 2008). Working from the original negatives, Donner oversaw the assembly of a version that best represented his original vision for the film, and even incorporated screen test footage for additional scenes to fundamentally alter the tone and context of the theatrical cut. Following a limited theatrical release, Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut released on home media and was received far better than its theatrical counterpart; the film was praised as a love-letter to the fans and a superior version of the film, while some found the re-cut jarring and little more than a curio.

The Review:
As a kid, Superman II was easily my favourite of the original four Superman movies; it was far more of a spectacle than its slower, more deliberate predecessor and hadn’t yet devolved into outright buffoonery or ridiculousness like its successors. However, I don’t recall having any knowledge that so much material had been cut from the film until around about the time that Superman Returns released; suddenly, some of the odd decisions in Superman II made a bit more sense, though I was actually fine with the first film’s focus being on Jor-El (Marlon Brando) and the second one having more emphasis on Lara (Susannah York) and, as we’ve seen countless times, Superman exhibited loads of bizarre additional superpowers back in the Golden and Silver Age so why not a memory wiping kiss? Still, my philosophy is generally that a great film can only be made better by an extended or director’s cut (usually…) so I was eager to see what the original version of Superman II would turn out like. After a disclaimer alerting viewers that the film contains test footage, and a touching dedication to Christopher Reeve, The Richard Donner Cut opens very similarly to the theatrical cut; however, the scene of General Zod, Ursa (Douglas), and Non (O’Halloran) breaking into one of the Kryptonian council’s crystal chambers and destroying one of their crystals has been excised and we’re instead treated to a reused scene from Superman that re-establishes that Jor-El acted as the trio’s chief prosecutor. Because of this, Zod holds Jor-El directly responsible for their imprisonment in the Phantom Zone and swears that the Kryptonian scientist, and his heirs, will bow down before him.

Lois is so sure that Clark is Superman that she puts her, and his, life at risk to force him to reveal the truth.

After Superman diverted Luthor’s missiles and put an end to his maniacal plot to set off the San Andreas Fault, daring reporter Lois Lane receives the front-page exclusive on the story and is praised by her boss, Perry White (Jackie Cooper). When budding Daily Planet photographer Jimmy Olsen (Marc McClure) offhandedly points out that Clark Kent and Superman are never around at the same time, the gears start turning in Lois’s head and, after crudely drawing a pair of spectacles and a hat on a picture of Superman, she begins to suspect that her timid co-worker isn’t all that he seems. Similar to the theatrical cut, Lois is so sure that she’s figured out Superman’s true identity that she literally puts her life on the line; however, rather than leaping into Niagara Falls, she takes the much more sensible option of leaping out the window of a high-rise office building to force Clark into action, though he’s again able to subtlety use his powers to slow and cushion her fall, thus throwing her off the scent. Interestingly, in this version of the film, it’s made much more explicit that Clark is trying to romance Lois; I honestly never really got the impression that he was actively pursuing her in the original film or its sequel, but here he gives an impassioned, stammering plea that she stop comparing him to Superman and accept him for who he really is, but she’s so adamant that her theory is correct that she fires a gun at Clark to force him to reveal his true self to her. Just like in the Richard Lester version, Superman wastes no time in spiriting Lois off to the Fortress of Solitude so that they can have some privacy; this time, though, they consummate their relationship before Clark decides to give up his powers. Much to the despair of his father’s holographic spirit, Clark chooses his love for Lois over his duties to humankind, and the new footage of Brando really emphasises that Clark’s calling is to serve a higher purpose, one far beyond any one person, even himself. Jor-El even goes so far as to call Clark selfish, and shoot a glaring condemnation at Lois as Clark bathes in the red sunlight that renders him human, and vulnerable. The context of this narrative element remains largely the same, and just as confusing; for me, it always seemed to exist simply as a dramatic device to add additional grief to Clark, and was mostly lost on me since Clark and Lois were a married couple in DC Comics in the mid-nineties when I was watching the theatrical cut so it never made much sense to me that Clark would have to pick one life or the other.

Backed by his loyal followers, General Zod is hungry to rule, and avenge himself on Jor-El and his progeny.

Like before, Clark almost immediately comes to regret this decision not just when he has the crap kicked out of him by abrasive trucker Rocky (Pepper Martin) but when Zod calls out Superman on live television from the White House, forcing the depowered Kryptonian to make the dangerous trek back to the Fortress of Solitude and humbly beg his father for forgiveness. Having been condemned to a lifetime of imprisonment in the Phantom Zone, Zod has sworn vengeance against Jor-El and his bloodline; a megalomaniacal despot who feels it’s his birthright to rule over others, Zod stewed in the Phantom Zone, alongside his followers, for the better part of thirty years, his anger and lust for power and revenge only growing more potent as they drifted the endless void of space. Luckily for them, the Phantom Zone spirals towards Earth and the three are freed from an explosion caused by one of Luthor’s missiles, which Superman diverted to save countless lives on Earth. Upon release, the three are immediately bestowed with the same powers as Superman since, in this original film continuity, Kryptonians require no time at all to gain the superhuman befits of Earth’s yellow sun. The three explore their powers, maliciously killing three astronauts without a second’s thought, with Zod’s followers unquestionably following his enigmatic leadership and every command; Ursa remains fixated by patches, badges, and symbols and a loyal advocate of her General, while Non is still little more than a childish brute easily distracted by flashing lights. Just as Zod quickly tires of the ease with which he destroys a small town in Houston, Texas, the renegade Kryptonian grows equally bored after assuming control of the United States, and the entire world, following his attack on the White House; he is reinvigorated, however, when Lex Luthor tells him that Kal-El, the son of his hated jailer, is on Earth and finds new motivation in breaking his hated enemy’s progeny to prove, once and for all, his physical and mental superiority of his long-dead foe.

Luthor schemes to avenge himself on Superman by manipulating the Kryptonian villains.

As in the theatrical cut, Lex Luthor (finally sporting his signature bald head) is locked up in a common prison with his bungling henchman, Otis (Ned Beatty), who indirectly assists Luthor in realising that Superman has a secret up north. Despite the fact that Luthor’s previous plot threatened to kill her beloved mother, Eve Teschmacher (Valerie Perrine) returns to assist Luthor’s escape from prison with a hot-air balloon (though Otis is left behind in the attempt), and the two again discover the Fortress of Solitude amidst the frozen wastes. There, the irritable and self-conceited criminal mastermind communicates with a holographic representation of Jor-El and learns about the three Kryptonian criminals and is immediately giddy at the prospect of adding their might and lust for chaos to his own devious ends. Although Zod and the others are already master of all they survey, Luthor is able to win them over with his knowledge of Jor-El and the revelation that the mysterious “Superman” who they’ve heard of is actually their foe’s son, and the criminal mastermind is quickly able to earn their trust in return for sovereignty over Australia (and, later, Cuba). Luthor is so consumed with avenging his loss to Superman in the first film that he manipulates the Kryptonians into attacking the Daily Planet and threatening Lois in order to draw Superman out, but quickly comes to realise that the three are far too dangerous and violent to be properly trusted, much less controlled. Superman is, of course, able to exploit Luthor’s deceptive nature to get the better of his superpowered foes and, in this version of the film, makes the odd decision to destroy the Fortress of Solitude to keep Luthor from invading his privacy again…despite the fact that he turns back time and thus undoes this act.

The Nitty-Gritty:
Although John Williams was unable to return to work on this new cut, Donner reused much of his work on Superman to largely replace Ken Thorne’s original score. Some characters also lose their original dubbing (notably Luthor, since Hackman’s original lines and scenes have been restored, and Non, who’s childish squeals are replaced by more monstrous roars). It’s interesting to learn that Richard Donner wasn’t responsible for so many of the scenes that I consider to be integral to the narrative of Superman II. Without actually witnessing a sample of what made three antagonists so reprehensible on their native Krypton, we’re left simply with Jor-El’s vague descriptions of their heinous ways and acts. Simplicity such as this is rife in The Richard Donner Cut, which shows that the three saw Krypton’s destruction from their prison and even spotted the infant Kal-El’s birthing chamber as they spiralled throughout the galaxy; furthermore, the entirely new opening sequence of Lois’s escapades in Paris is completely replaced with footage from Superman’s efforts to stop Luthor’s missiles intercut with scenes of the three tumbling towards Earth. Similar to the theatrical cut, this makes Superman the unwitting saviour of the criminals but directly ties their accidental escape from the Phantom Zone into the events of the first film, thus indirectly making Luthor responsible for their freedom as well.

Jor-El disapproves of Clark’s decision, and then sacrifices himself to re-power his son to full strength.

Conspicuous in their inclusion is the use of test footage of Reeves and Kidder for scenes in Niagara Falls where Lois tries to help Clark be more assertive and self-confident and then shoots at Clark to prove he’s Superman! While the revelation that she was firing blanks makes this a little less disturbing, and it’s a little jarring that Reeves’ hair and glasses change throughout, it’s a much more effective way to force his dramatic unmasking than him simply tripping on a bear-skin rug. Naturally, it’s Brando who’s the most notable reinsertion into the film. Oddly, Brando’s restored footage is rendered in wildly inconsistent ways, appearing both translucent and in an odd, distorted, holographic effect, and his presence completely removes Lara from the film’s narrative to continue the father/son themes and relationship from the first film. While I liked that Superman II gave Lara the chance to be there for her son, here it’s Jor-El who Clark again turns to regarding his love for Lois and the conflict he faces between choosing her or his responsibilities to the world. Jor-El pleads (with about as much enthusiasm as Brando can muster, which is to say not much at all) with Clark to reconsider giving up his destiny, and grieves at having to forever disappear in order to restore Clark’s powers. Although Clark is obviously devastated at having let down his father, and the thought of losing his last remaining link to a family and people he never knew, Jor-El’s sacrifice allows Superman to return to the service of truth, justice, and the American Way and this sequence also gives us the only physical onscreen interaction between Reeves and Brando, fulfilling the Kryptonian prophecy that “The son becomes the father, and the father becomes the son”. Although General Zod still displays the odd ability to levitate objects, many of the bizarre superpowers showcased by the Kryptonians are thankfully missing from this version of the film, meaning we don’t have to suffer through Superman’s weird plastic S-shield attack he did in the theatrical cut or the characters randomly duplicating and teleporting throughout the Fortress of Solitude. On the downside, this means we miss out on the scene of the three rapidly defacing Mount Rushmore, which is replaced by a brief shot of them destroying the Washington Monument, but the trio’s assault on the White House is far more violent and brutal, and even includes an amusing scene where Zod gleefully fires an assault rifle.

The ending is wildly different, with Superman again reversing time to undo Zod’s destruction.

Following their attack on the Daily Planet (which is far less impactful without Thorne’s score, and even replaces the iconic “General, would you care to step outside?” line), Superman again battles his three foes in the skies and streets of Metropolis. You’ll notice a few additional shots here, which are sadly let down by the fact that this project clearly didn’t have much of a budget as the shot composition is even more obviously dodgy than it was in the original film, which was already extremely ambitious in its superpowered brawl. All of the slapstick nonsense is missing from this scene, replaced with a foreboding menace as Superman matches his foes blow for blow until he’s forced to flee to the Fortress of Solitude to keep the three from causing further damage and harm to the city and its inhabitants. Rather than engaging in a battle of strength and skill in the Fortress, Superman uses his wits to outsmart the maniacal Zod; Zod demands that Superman submits to him, becoming his slave for eternity, in exchange for the lives of others and, thanks to Luthor’s deceitful nature, Superman is again able to turn Luthor’s edict of “mind over muscle” against his enemies to render them powerless using the Fortress’s red sunlight. Superman and Lois dispose of the three using lethal means, but the moral quandary of these actions is arguably rendered mute when Superman once again reverses the rotation of the planet to turn back time. This returns Luthor to prison, and the three Kryptonians to the Phantom Zone, but also undoes the relationship he forged with Lois over the course of the film; ultimately, the result is the same, that Superman couldn’t bring himself to put Lois through the pain of knowing the truth and chose to continue living a lie. As I understand it, the original idea was to have the time travel element only in this film, which really makes you wonder how Superman would have undone Lois’s death in the last film, but either way it’s just as much of a cheap trick as the memory-wiping kiss and kind of shows Superman to be a bit of a hypocrite as he takes these extreme actions but doesn’t really learn anything from it as he goes right back to awkwardly flirting with Lois as the bungling Clark Kent (and even pays Rocky back for the beating he gave him earlier, despite the fact that this didn’t actually happen).

The Summary:
I think the main question anyone wants to know about Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut is: is it better than the theatrical version? And, I guess, it technically is; the removal of the more slapstick scenes and continuing the themes from the first movie makes it more cohesive and helps it to act as a more fitting follow-up, but I can’t honestly say that it really trumps the original in a fundamental way. This isn’t an extended version of the film, but rather an alternative cut, one that is the closest we’ll ever get to what Donner originally intended and, had we seen this (or something very much like it), we probably would have had a better overall experience that felt likes two parts of a greater whole but I really can’t say that there’s any scenes or inclusions here that make the film objectively better. A lot of this is due to my nostalgia for the original, which I’m very fond of, and my bias against Brando and his abrasive, difficult attitude which impacted his performance as Jor-El and tainted my perception of him. It’s definitely very poignant to see Jor-El reinserted into the film, and his inclusion offers a little more explanation about how Superman regains his powers, but I liked seeing Lara comfort her son in the sequel and was happy with the implication that the green crystal simply restored Superman offscreen. I’m glad that some of the weirder elements are gone, but there isn’t too much in their place to make up for their removal. I enjoy the extra scenes involving Zod and his crew, but the ending is just as head-scratching as in the theatrical cut (seriously, why destroy the Fortress if you’re going to turn back time?!), so, for me, you can just kind of flip a coin and watch either version and pretty much get the same story, just with a few different scenes and contexts between the two.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

What are your thoughts on Richard Donner’s version of Superman II? Did you feel like it’s superior to the theatrical cut or were you put off by the newly inserted scenes? What did you think to the alterations made by re-inserting Marlon Brando’s lost footage? Were you a fan of the altered ending? What is your favourite Superman story, character, or piece of media? How are you planning to celebrate Superman Day this month? Whatever you think, feel free to sign up to share your opinion below or leave a comment on my social media.

Talking Movies [Dinosaur Day]: The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Dr. K3 Comments

Sixty-five million years ago, dinosaurs ruled the Earth. These massive beasts existed for about 180 million years and came in all shapes and sizes, before finally going extinct following a cataclysmic event that forever changed our world and rendered these creatures mere fossils to be discovered and studied. Fittingly, “Dinosaur Day” is actually celebrated twice a year, giving dino fans the world over ample opportunities to pay homage to this near-mythical titans.

This review has been supported by Chiara Cooper.
If you’d like to support the site, you can do so at my Ko-Fi page.

Talking Movies

Released: 23 May 1997
Director: Steven Spielberg
Distributor: Universal Pictures
Budget: $73 million
Stars: Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Vanessa Lee Chester, Pete Postlethwaite, Vince Vaughn, and Arliss Howard

The Plot:
Four years after escaping from Isla Nubar and left disgraced after speaking out about the chaotic events on Jurassic Park, Doctor Ian Malcolm (Goldblum) is forced to head to the park’s “Site B”, Isla Sorna, to rescue his girlfriend, Doctor Sarah Harding (Moore). However, Malcolm’s worst fears about the genetically engineered dinosaurs soon come to pass when the immoral InGen seek to transport them from the island and to a new attraction in downtown San Diego!

The Background:
It was only fitting that Steven Spielberg helmed the big-budget adaptation of Michael Crichton’s bestselling Jurassic Park (ibid, 1990) since the book quickly caught Spielberg’s eye and, thanks to inspirations from classic movie monsters and special effects wizards Stan Winston, Phil Tippett, and Dennis Muren, created not only one of the biggest blockbuster releases of all time but also pioneered many of the CGI techniques we still see in Hollywood today. Bolstered by a huge merchandising campaign, Jurassic Park (Spielberg, 1993) grossed over $1.030 billion at the box office and was swamped with overwhelmingly positive reviews, so naturally there was a talk of a sequel. However, both Crichton and Spielberg were reluctant to work on a direct follow-up; Crichton due to having never written a sequel before and Spielberg due to a general fatigue from big-budget productions. After Crichton caved to fan demand and began writing a second book, however, Spielberg and writer David Koepp began pre-production on the sequel, which ditched Spielberg’s initial ideas and differed noticeably from the book of the same title to feature a more dramatic and visually entertaining finale that Spielberg originally envisioned for a potential third movie.

Jurassic Park‘s groundbreaking special effects contributed to its incredible box office success.

Although the film featured an entirely new cast of characters, Jeff Goldblum was elevated to the leading man (despite his character dying in the original book) and a slew of new dinosaurs were added to the script alongside fan favourites like the Velociraptor and Tyrannosaurus rex. While the film still utilised a number of practical effects and animatronics, far more emphasis was placed on digital creations from the likes of Industrial Light & Magic and Stan Winston to bring these extinct titans to life. Two of the film’s biggest effects sequences involve the T. rex, with one having the actors dangling precariously over a cliff edge in the pouring rain and the other showcasing the T. rex rampaging through downtown San Diego, both of which required the use of miniatures, animatronics, and CGI to make everything work seamlessly. Like its predecessor, The Lost World: Jurassic Park was accompanied by a massive marketing campaign and, while its $618.6 million box office was noticeably less than the first film, it still broke several box office records and became the second highest-grossing film of 1997. Reviews, however, were somewhat mixed; critics were impressed by the special effects but disappointed by the characterisations. While Jeff Goldblum’s performance and the larger role of the T. rex was praised, even Spielberg felt the film failed to match expectations and the film is generally regarded as being inferior to the original. While its reputation is far stronger than that of its third entry, it wouldn’t be until 2015 that the franchise once again properly wowed audiences.

The Review:
I mentioned in my review of Jurassic Park that I didn’t care for the book; I found it dry and dull and lacking in the visual spectacle offered by the big-screen adaptation, which took the concept and filtered out all the boring waffle and focused on overdelivering on the concept of dinosaurs being brought back to life through genetic engineering. If you’re hoping that I preferred The Lost World then you’re sadly mistaken; I found it to be just as bad, and actually worse in a lot of ways as it was essentially the exact same book except there were a few different characters and the they had a bigger, fancier truck. While a standout supporting character in the first film for his eccentric personality and scene-chewing performance, Dr. Ian Malcolm is now thrust into the spotlight. Despite his injuries from the first film, he’s physically fine but his reputation is in the gutter as he refused to adhere to the non-disclosure agreement he signed before visiting Jurassic Park and was branded a fraud as a result. Already a somewhat cynical individual, Malcolm is incensed to learn that Doctor John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) had a second dinosaur island all along, a far less restrictive breeding ground where the dinos would be incubated and bred before being transported to the main park. While Malcolm is no longer prone to expositing Chaos Theory, he’s still just as prone to judging Hammond’s poor decision-making skills and inability to understand or recognise that he’s still tampering with powers outside of his control. Vehemently refusing to visit the island and vowing to warn off the team that Hammond has convinced to document the thriving dinosaurs, Malcolm’s objections turn to fear and panic when he learns that his girlfriend, Sarah, is already there, pushing him to lead a rescue mission.

Despite his repeated warnings, Ian’s family insist on venturing onto Hammond’s second, more dangerous island.

A running thread throughout the film is Malcolm’s repeated attempts to warn those around him of how dangerous the dinosaurs and Hammond’s islands are and everyone simply ignoring him; if they’re not outright dismissing his claims as paranoia, they’re fixated on the wonderous nature of witnessing dinosaurs up close and personal, meaning he gets multiple chances to rub it in their faces when his warnings turn out to be true and to feel further vindication of his objections when the body count rises. Although he spent much of Jurassic Park doped up on morphine, he brings with him knowledge and experience of the dinosaur’s habits, nature, and aggressive tendencies that are repeatedly ignored, leading to people constantly provoking or antagonising the dinosaurs and incurring their territorial wrath as a result. Even Sarah, despite having heard all of Malcolm’s horror stories, completely waves off his concerns for her safety; an experienced wildlife photographer, she leapt at the chance to document the dinosaurs in the wild and seemed to be confident to the point of arrogance in her ability to stay out of sight and undetected. While it can be argued that Malcolm’s frantic search for her was to blame for disrupting this and almost causing her to be killed by a herd of Stegosaurus, Sarah’s common sense and intelligence is somewhat unpredictable throughout the film; she chastises Nick Van Owen (Vaughn) when he rescues a baby T. rex from being used as bait to satisfy the corporate desires of Hammond’s nephew, Peter Ludlow (Howard), she doesn’t hesitate to help fix its broken leg and doesn’t realise until it’s far too late that her shirt is covered in the baby’s blood and thus attracting the attention of the adult T. rex’s. while Malcolm would rather never set foot on a dinosaur island ever again and Ludlow’s team are determined to transport them to a zoo in San Diego, Sarah is one of the many voices calling for the dinosaurs to be left to thrive in their own unique ecosystem and views them with an awe and respect that turns to abject terror as the more ferocious dinos begin hounding them. Malcolm’s desperation to get her off the island and to safety is so great that it means missing out on time with one of his many daughters, Kelly Curtis (Chester), a pouty and ignorant teenage girl who simultaneous adores and resents her fair-weather father after a lifetime of unreliability. Partially out of spite and partially as a lark, she sneaks her way onto the island and is a constant burden thanks to her argumentative, oblivious impetuousness. She does, however, eventually prove to be somewhat useful when she (or, at least, her stunt double) uses her gymnastics skills to kick a ‘raptor out a window but this is the one time she does anything worthwhile and it’s probably the most unrealistic and overly elaborate aspect of the entire film.

The Lost World certainly isn’t short on characters, with Roland being one of the few standouts.

One thing The Lost World isn’t short on is characters; the movie is absolutely stuffed with actors as we follow Malcom’s rescue team and Ludlow’s capture team, following their different experiences on the island and seeing their storylines converge. Malcolm joins Eddie Carr (Richard Schiff) and Nick as they prepare to join Sarah on the island; Eddie is the field expert, though his satellite phone is more than a little temperamental and his “High-Hide” seems laughably impractical since it’d put its inhabitants in easy biting reach but actually proves quite effective during the T. rex attack. The team has this big, decked out truck full of all the equipment that require but it mainly exists to dangle precariously over a cliff while the T. rex makes a meal out of poor Eddie, and the movie expects us to believe that Vince Vaughn, of all people, is this bad-ass animal right activist sent by Hammond to disrupt Ludlow’s efforts to get the dinosaurs off the island. He succeeds only in disrupting their operating, endangering and indirectly costing the lives of many of Ludlow’s team through his actions, but we’re encouraged to root for him because he knows the value of the dinosaur’s lives and rights to freedom and Ludlow’s group is a little disreputable in their methods and motives. Ludlow himself is every slimy, corporate sleazebag you’ve ever known; while Hammond at least had some appreciation of the grandeur and beauty of his creations, Ludlow is concerned only with the bottom line and getting Jurassic Park – San Diego up and running to make a tidy profit. His troop is primarily made up of an assortment of unnamed victims and mercenaries, with Dieter Stark (Peter Stormare) being a rare standout for his cruelty to a Compsognathus which comes back to literally bite him when he’s separated from the others and viciously attacked by a pack of the tiny dinos. The sole standout of Ludlow’s team is veteran big-game hunter Roland Tembo (Postlethwaite); having hunted every animal on the face of the Earth and longing for the chance to hunt a male T. rex, Roland is largely dismissive of Ludlow’s dreams and the promise of financial compensation and a somewhat ambivalent character since he sees the jaunt as just another job. However, he shows an attentive side towards Sarah, a desire to shield Kelly from any death, and is so devastated by the death of his best friend, Ajay Sidhu (Harvey Jason), that he abandons his lifestyle completely after bagging his prize, finding no joy in his victory and having grown weary of being surrounded by death.

Dinosaurs old and new thrive, hunt, and breed in this makeshift ecosystem.

Once again, though, it’s the dinosaurs who are the real stars of the show and what we all came to see. The film starts somewhat similarly to the last one with a dinosaur attack but, this time, it’s the Compies who get the opening kill in a sequence actually lifted from the first book and which establishes right away that the dinosaurs are not afraid of man and can attack without provocation. There are a number of new dinosaurs in the film, including a fiercely protective Stegosaurus herd and a stampede of rampaging Pachycephalosaurus, whose powerful headbutt is played for laughs as Roland desperately tries to remember the names of the dinosaurs while capturing them. Many of the smaller and less aggressive dinosaurs are quickly rounded up by Roland and his team and showcased by Ludlow to InGen’s investors, but Nick sets them all three and causes them to run wild through the enemy camp, and decides the best course of action when finding the injured, captured baby T. rex is to bring it to their trailer for medical attention. Although Sarah has to guess the dosage of pain medication and Malcolm is concerned that the baby’s cries will attract its parents, the baby T. rex is patched up and returned to its parents, but the adult T. rex’s are driven to attack the trailer, driving it over the edge, and continue to hound the human characters as they desperately try to escape the island. Along the way, they have to pass through a large expanse of tall grass teeming with Velociraptors, which have a surprisingly subdued role in this film; in the first one, they were very much the primary antagonistic dinosaur but, while they are responsible for a pretty high body count here and deliver one of the film’s more terrifying sequences as they pounce on the characters as they race across the grass, they’re used sparingly this time around. The T. rex crops back up a couple more times, drawn to the scent of its offspring, leading to a harrowing sequence where it tramples people to death underfoot and gulps down InGen’s dinosaur expert and walking dino exposition machine Doctor Robert Burke (Thomas F. Duffy) after he’s spooked by a snake, of all things. In the end, Roland is successfully able to capture alive T.rex but it…somehow…manages to kill off an entire ship’s crew and then return to the cargo hold to make its dramatic appearance once the ship reaches San Diego so it can go on a rampage through the city.

The Nitty-Gritty:
It’s a shame that The Lost World never followed up on the lingering plot thread of the cannister of dinosaurs samples stolen and dropped in the first film; this could’ve been a natural jumping off point for Hammond’s rivals to be behind the new island and thus take Ludlow’s place as the main antagonists, which would’ve have changed the film all that much but would’ve felt a little more natural. The plot point of Hammond’s nephew trying to usurp and exceed his aspirations is somewhat interesting, as it shows there’s division within InGen, but I find it difficult to believe that Hammond is so wealthy that he can buy not one, but two islands, kit them out with all the facilities and equipment they need, and also just abandon a San Diego zoo project beforehand. And even if he could do all that, the losses and financial backlash caused from abandoning these projects, losing all of Jurassic Park’s dinosaurs to the lysine contingency, and presumably compensating or covering up the deaths from the last film would’ve surely bankrupted or heavily crippled InGen. Of course, this doesn’t happen and we get to visit Site B, which is where the dinosaurs were properly bred before being transported to Jurassic Park; the island is a curiosity to  the likes of Hammond and Sarah as, despite all the odds, the dinosaurs have been able to adapt and thrive there, changing sex to breed and overcoming their lysine deficiency and finding a way to survive without the interference of their human breeders, but for Malcolm it’s just another example of Hammond’s arrogance and a place no one should ever willingly visit due to the inherent danger posed by nature itself.

On paper, this had the potential to be a bigger, better film but it’s bogged down by pacing issues.

On paper, The Lost World has everything it needs to be bigger and better than the first film; more cannon fodder to add to the body count, more dinosaurs, and more action should’ve meant that it was even more of a visual spectacle and, in many ways, it is. The dinosaurs still look fantastic and, thanks to many of the bigger action sequence staking place at night and/or in the rain, they’re just as believable as ever and even more formidable. We get not one, but two T. rex’s, there are more instances of herds of dinosaurs grazing, living, or running in the wild, and the final shot even shows all kinds of different species living side by side in their makeshift ecosystem. However, the film suffers from incredibly dull pacing; it’s only a few minutes longer than the last film but it drags so much and so often that even the big dinosaur sequences can’t save it and I find myself tuning out and growing bored waiting for something to happen and to care about these characters. The story is just far too bloated; there’s too many throwaway mercenaries on Ludlow’s team, too few interesting and engaging characters in general, and even the amazing Jeff Goldblum can’t carry this to an enjoyable experience. In fact, he’s actually something of a detriment here; rather than playing an eccentric character, he’s just full-on quirky Goldblum and it’s actually quite distracting. Neither the always-dreadful Vince Vaughn or the incredibly miscast and aggravating Vanessa Lee Chester make for compelling performances and, if it wasn’t for Pete Postlethwaite, there wouldn’t be anyone interesting at all in the cast.

The film’s climax is certainly striking, but feels tacked on and should’ve had far more focus.

It’s a shame as the dinosaur sequences can be very entertaining; The Lost World is much more of a horror/monster film than its more subdued predecessor, even though numerous attempts are made to emphasise that the dinosaurs are just acting out of instinct and to protect their young and territory. The T. rex’s rip poor Eddie to shreds, squash nameless goons, and tear limbs off; one even eats a dog during the finale, which is always a step too far, and yet Nick goes out of his way to take Roland’s bullets away from him! The Compie attack, while somewhat comical, end sup being pretty terrifying as Stark is eaten alive just out of frame and the ‘raptor attack in the grass is an equally tense and distressing sequence sadly undermined by Kelly’s ridiculous athletics. The finale, which sees a T. rex go on a rampage in downtown San Diego, feels unnaturally tacked on (mainly because it was…) and I’m torn between wishing we’d seen more stuff like that to differentiate the sequel from the original or omitting it entirely. It does result in some of the best looking shots of the film; the juxtaposition of this massive, prehistoric beast barrelling down the street, crushing cars, and chomping on terrifying pedestrians is quite striking, but it’s very rushed and by the time it happens you’re just wanting begging for the movie to be over. In the end, Malcolm and Sarah manage to retrieve the baby T. rex and use it to lure its Mama or Papa (it’s not really made clear which it is) back to the boat, where Ludlow is left in the cargo hold as a tasty snack for their journey back to the island. It’s not made clear who, if anyone, is piloting the boat back but the incident becomes public knowledge, bringing a mainstream awareness of the island and the existence of dinosaurs, but the movie ends with Hammond imploring mankind to take a step back and let life find a way, which is presented as though he’s finally learned a lesson but could just as easily be an attempt to once again avoid any legal repercussions for his research.

The Summary:
When I was a kid, The Lost World: Jurassic Park was my favourite of the Jurassic Park films; the first one had been such a spectacle and made such a huge impression that anticipation was high for the sequel and I think I associated the success and appeal of the first movie to mean the sequel had to be just as good, if not better. I was (and still am) a massive Jeff Goldblum fan as well, so that just added to the appeal of the sequel since he took a lead role, but it can’t be denied that The Lost World is inferior in almost every aspect. Even the dinosaurs don’t always look as good; the CGI, while still impressive, is far more noticeable in a lot of shots, even though the animatronics and the likes of the T. rex look fantastic as ever. Unfortunately, the film is overstuffed with uninteresting, forgettable characters, bland and uninspiring performances, and is such a slog to get through that I find myself growing increasingly bored every time I watch it. The spectacle and allure is just missing, or dulled, despite how hard the film tries to recapture the magic of the first movie; it’s much more like a generic monster film in a lot of ways and borrows a little too much from the last film to really stand out. The areas where it is a bit more unique are sadly underdeveloped; the idea of a rival company building their own dinosaur island or theme park could’ve been interesting, as could dinosaurs running amok in the city, but it’s all just kind of crammed in here with very little rhyme or reason and not sense of urgency. It’s a shame, really, as there was such potential in a Jurassic Park sequel, but there’s just very little substance to The Lost World; it’s still technically very impressive at times and it has moments where its bigger and more impressive than the last film, but it falls flat overall and ends up being this plodding, lifeless affair filled with inane characters, bone-headed decisions, and lacklustre action that feels too much like a desperate, corporate attempt to make lightning strike twice rather than a genuine attempt to match the spectacle and wonder of its predecessor.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

What did you think to The Lost World: Jurassic Park? Do you think I’m being too harsh on it and that it’s actually just as good, if not better, than the first film? Are you a fan of the book and, if so, did you still enjoy the film or was there too much changed in the adaptation process? Were you happy to see Ian Malcolm return and which of the new characters was your favourite? What’s your favourite dinosaur, either in this film or in general? Were you a fan of the finale or do you agree that the film suffered from pacing issues? Which of Jurassic Park’s sequels is your favourite or do you consider the first one to be the best? How are you celebrating Dinosaur Day this year? Whatever your thoughts on The Lost World: Jurassic Park, and dinosaurs in general, sign up to leave them below or drop a comment on my social media.

Game Corner [Turtle Tuesday]: TMNT: The Hyperstone Heist (Xbox Series X)

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The first issue of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) was published in May of 1984. Since then, the TMNT have gone on to achieve worldwide mainstream success thanks not only to their original comics run but also a number of influential cartoons, videogames, and wave-upon-wave of action figures. This year, I’m emphasising third entries and time travel shenanigans in the popular franchise every Tuesday in May!

GameCorner

Released: 30 August 2022
Originally Released: 11 December 1992
Developer: Digital Eclipse
Original Developer: Konami
Also Available For: Mega Drive, Nintendo Switch, PC, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, and Xbox Series S

The Background:
Kids in the late-eighties and early-nineties were enamoured by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (known as Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles here in the UK), with the game-changing cartoon dominated the airwaves years before Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers (1993 to 1996) and Pokémon (1997 to present). Though the cartoon was far tamer than the original Mirage Comics, the TMNT’s popularity not only spawned a series of live-action movies (of varying quality), comic books, a whole slew of action figures, and numerous videogames. Konami’s laid the foundation for some of the franchise’s most memorable videogames with their original TMNT arcade game and the developers only expanded upon those efforts with the much-beloved sequel, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time (Konami, 1991). Not only was Turtles in Time bigger and better, while still retaining the simple pick-and-and-play mechanics of an arcade beat-‘em-up, it also gained further popularity thanks to a surprisingly faithful home console port. In addition to an unfairly criticised 2.5D remake in 2009, Turtles in Time served as the basis for this Mega Drive title, though there were some notable differences between the two versions, particularly regarding their length. Indeed, while The Hyperstone Heist was praised for its graphics and gameplay, its difficulty was criticised at the time. For decades, gamers were forced to pay through the nose for ridiculously expensive physical copies of the game, or resort to emulating the title, but that all changed when The Hyperstone Heist was included in this Cowabunga Collection alongside a host of other games and quality of life features.

The Plot:
The Turtles leap into action when their archnemesis, Oroku Saki/The Shredder, uses the power of the mysterious Hyperstone to shrink and capture half of Manhattan Island, battling through waves of Foot Soldiers to put an end to the Shredder’s bid for world domination.

Gameplay:
If you’ve played Turtles in Time then The Hyperstone Heist will be immediately familiar to you; the game is, essentially, a stripped down and patchwork reordering of the classic arcade time travel jaunt. Just like the two arcade titles that preceded it, The Hyperstone Heist is a 2D sidescrolling beat-‘em-up that allows up to two players to battle side by side across five stages, with each comprised of a number of different areas unlike Turtles in Time and even including some entirely new stages and bosses. Since I’m playing this version on the Xbox Series X, it should be no surprise that this game can now be played both on- and offline co-operative play, and you can even opt to turn friendly fire on or off to make things a little harder, or easier, on yourself when playing with a friend. Players can once again select from one of the four Ninja Turtles; each one controls exactly the same and are defined primarily by the reach of their weapons (putting characters like Leonardo and Donatello at an advantage). Gameplay couldn’t be simpler; you go from the left side of the screen to the right using X to pummel baddies with some simple combos, B to jump, and X in mid-air to pull off a couple of jumping attacks depending on how high you are when you press it. If you press B and X together, you’ll pull off a power attack at the cost of some health, and you can press Y to dash ahead. While you can pull off dash attacks in this way, it can be a bit clunky as I find the dash works better as a double tap of the directional pad and, while you can no longer toss enemies at the screen, you can still slam them by attacking up close and fend off enemies attacking from behind with a back attack.

Gameplay is ripped from Turtles in Time but includes some new stages and mechanics.

Although The Hyperstone Heist has less stages than Turtles in Time, they’re much longer and even include transitions between different screens/areas; so, while you start in the sewers in this game, you hop up to the streets and play through a section of Alleycat Blues before dropping down into an alternative version of the Sewer Surfin’ stage. As ever with these TMNT arcade titles, there are a few opportunities to interact with the environment; traffic cones, candlesticks, barrels, explosive drums and boxes of fireworks and fire hydrants can all be used to take enemies out. While the game is lacking some of the more memorable stage hazards like Krang’s giant android body and the wrecking balls, many of these still crop up throughout certain stages; you can fall down holes, without fear of damage, to avoid attacks, step on loose planks, and injury your toes on spiked hazards. Turrets will pop up to freeze you solid, enemies can still grab and hold you for a beating, and electrical bolts and lasers will also still fry you to your skeleton. While you’ll still hop onto a rocket-powered board to fend off enemies across the ocean, these autoscrolling sections are limited to just the one instance here; things are mixed up a little with a high abundance of health-restoring pizza, flying Mousers, and lots of wreckage from the ghost shop to dodge and interact with, however. The Hyperstone Heist also includes the Technodrome stage that featured in the home console port of Turtles in Time, complete with the traditional elevator gauntlet section (only now the elevator goes down instead of up), but also shows its limitations and laziness by dedicating an entire stage to a boss rush (without any pizza to heal yourself up).

Graphics and Sound:
On a base level, The Hyperstone Heist is functionally very similar to the home console port of Turtles in Time, sporting the same heads-up display, similar sprite work, and the same environments and enemies, but it can’t be denied that the whole game has suffered a visual downgrade. This is evident right from the title screen, despite a unique new introductory sequence, and the far less impressive voice clips and limited animation frames. The TMNT even seem to be slightly out of proportion compared to their enemies, something I never noticed in the two versions of Turtles in Time, and the game is far more reliant on text, with dialogue featuring before and after each boss encounter. Still, everything looks and feels very true to the game’s arcade roots and continues to capture the quirky, slapstick nature of the animated series with its cartoony presentation and sound effects. The gameplay is noticeably slower, however, thanks to the lack of a turbo mode and it feels like a longer, far more tedious experience thanks to the levels dragging on a bit and the sheer number and aggression of enemies at any one time.

Some new areas, a new ending, and reshuffling of stages help the game stand out.

For the most part, the game’s levels are ripped right out of Turtles in Time, specifically the home console port; Sewer Surfin’ has been reduced to an on-foot stage (though the Pizza Monster still somehow jump out of the water), Alleycat Blues is a transition between the two sewer stages, and the pirate ship has been redesigned into a ghost ship, with the cave from Prehistoric Turtlesaurus now a transition to the Shredder’s secret lair thanks to the lack of a time travel plot. The game has supplanted the time travel stages of Turtles in Time with entirely new environments, with this most apparent in Scene 3 where you battle across a cliff top into a Japanese temple and a dojo where Shredder trains his disciples. Turtles in Time’s more visually interesting stages, like Prehistoric Turtlesaurus and Neon Night Riders, are replaced by a simple damp cave and a less thrilling water chase sequence, though the Technodrome remains largely unchanged. The final stage is also largely the same, though the Statue of Liberty has been replaced by this weird eldritch abomination of a machine in the background. Some of Turtles in Time’s cutscenes are also included, though altered to fit the slightly changed plot, and an entirely new ending sequence and defeat animation for the Shredder has been included that features some decent sprite work and partially animated sequences.Finally, the game’s soundtrack is largely the same as Turtles in Time’s but noticeably sped up and lacking in the oomph heard in the arcade release.

Enemies and Bosses:
As far as I could tell, every enemy you face in The Hyperstone Heist is ripped right out of the home console version of Turtles in Time. This means you’ll be fending off an endless swarm of robotic Foot Soldiers, each sporting different coloured pyjamas and different weapons, including throwing stars, swords, nunchaku, daggers, and tonfa. There is one new variant, however; a magenta-coloured ninja who breaths fire at you! Also returning are the Mousers (which scurry about and bite your hand), Roadkill Rodneys (which electrocute you with whips and fire lasers at you), these little laser firing spider-bots, and the Xenomorph-like Pizza Monsters. The Rock Soldiers also make an unwelcome appearance, generally in groups of at least three, to charge at you and fire heavy-duty ordinance right in your face. While many of the stage hazards return from Turtles in Time, you’ll spot a couple of new ones in Scene 3 thanks to this being an entirely new stage; these include a spiked ceiling, spiked bamboo canes that pop up from the floor, and ceremonial armour that fires electrical lasers at you.

After two copy/paste boss battles, Tatsu is a welcome, if easy, addition.

Every stage ends in a boss battle, with all of the bosses but one being repurposed from the two previous TMNT arcade games, though each sport a helpful life bar like in Turtles in Time’s home console port. After battling through the sewers and the city streets, you’ll face off against the monstrous Leatherhead. While the arena might be different, Leatherhead’s strategy is exactly the same as in Turtles in Time; he hops and scurriesabout, punching you or swiping with his tail up close and tossing daggers from across the screen, and basically sets the template that’ll work for every boss in the game which is get in there, land a quick combo, and jump away before you take a hit. After fighting through the decidedly unhaunted ghost ship, you’ll fight Rocksteady; sadly, there’s no Bebop in this game and this is basically just a copy/paste of his solo fight from the original arcade game as he charges at you, fires a machine gun in a spread, and tosses a few grenades into the arena, leaving himself wide open for your attacks in the process. Thankfully, the game does include a new boss battle at the end of Scene 3; here, you’ll face Tatsu from the first two live-action movies. Although he threatens that you’ll have to defeat his minions first, the Foot Soldiers actually fight alongside him, but it’s pretty simply to focus on him, avoiding the darts he fires across and rains down the screen, and pummelling him when he stands still.

Although the final bosses can be challening, the boss rush was a lazy addition to the game.

As mentioned, The Hyperstone Heist drops the ball somewhat with Scene 4, which takes place entirely in a dank cave and forces you to battle all three bosses again, one after the other, in what is fittingly called “The Gauntlet”. To be fair, the Pizza Monsters do show up again and all of the enemy sprites now have a new colour palette, and there’s no health here or in the final stage to help you through, but it’s pretty damn lazy to just shoehorn in a boss rush like this. On the plus side, it does culminate in a battle against Baxter Stockman that’s again ripped from the first arcade game; Baxter hovers about in this craft dropping Mousers on you and generally being a hard target, but I would’ve preferred to see an original stage ending in this boss fight. Similarly, you’ll again face Krang in the Technodrome but its in an adapted version of the Neon Night Riders battle rather than him being in his UFO; Krang’s android body dashes at you with a kick, smacks you with a clap attack, fires missiles from his chest, and rains bombs into the arena, but he still likes to gloat and leave himself an open target. Finally, you’ll take on the formidable Super Shredder in the game’s last stage just like in the home console version of Turtles in Time. While Super Shredder’s attacks and strategy remain the same, he’s been tweaked slightly; his projectiles and aura are now coloured coded, with blue bolts freezing you, green fireballs instantly killing you by reverting you to a normal turtle, and red flames hurting your toes.Additionally, I was only able to land a hit on Super Shredder when he was firing his freezing shot and he still hovers and dashes about to make himself an annoying target.

Power-Ups and Bonuses:
The Hyperstone Heist features exactly the same power-ups as those seen in Turtles in Time, namely the odd pizza to restore your health and one single, solitary Pizza Power item that sends you into a short-lived frenzy. You will also be awarded an extra life at every 100, 300, 500, 700, etc points, which is useful if you find yourself struggling.

Additional Features:
Similar to the home console version of Turtles in Time, The Hyperstone Heist features a few options you won’t see in the arcade releases; you can play on three different difficulty levels (Easy, Normal, and Hard), with different endings assigned to each one, set your lives and continues to anywhere from one to five, enable or disable back attacks, and make use of a sound test. The game may have taken a further graphical hit during the conversion, and there’s no versus or time trial mode, but you can still pick between two colour schemes, “Comic” and “Anime”, which gives the TMNT new colour palettes in a nice touch. As you’d expect, the Cowabunga Collection adds some extra features to the game; you’ll earn a 70G Achievement for completing each game on any difficult level, rewind the gameplay with the Left Bumper, and use the Right Bumper to access save states and display options. You can also choose your starting level and enable some additional lives using the collection’s enhancements, flick through a strategy guide, choose between the American and Japanese versions (with minimal differences that I could see), view the game’s box art and manuals, or simply watch the game play itself.

The Summary:
Naturally, there’s a lot to like about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist, specifically because it’s built on and is essentially a rejigged version of one of the most beloved TMNT arcade games ever made. However, while the gameplay and presentation owes pretty much everything to Turtles in Time, there’s just enough here to allow The Hyperstone Heist to stand on its own two feet. The new stages, environments, and the way it shuffles Turtles in Time’s stages around to fit its slightly changed narrative makes for a fun and action-packed gameplay experience that’s both similar and altogether very different. Most noticeably is the face that Turtles in Time was a short, sharp arcade style experience that never outstayed its welcome, but The Hyperstone Heist certainly drags on thanks to its long stages. While this is great for longevity, it equals not just unnecessary padding but also highlights just how repetitive the beat-‘em-up gameplay is and draws undue attention to the graphical hit the game has taken in the conversion to the Mega Drive. The same trappings that restricted its two arcade predecessors remain but are more glaring as there’s only one Pizza Power power-up and the inclusion of a lazy boss rush and lack of additional gameplay options and mechanics certainly makes it inferior to its arcade and Super Nintendo counterparts. However, it’s easily the best and most entertaining TMNT videogame on the Mega Drive; it’s not quite as good as Turtles in Time but it’s good enough to be a decent brawler for the system and, while the additional features in this version are somewhat lacking compared to other games in the Cowabunga Collection, it’s great to see this rare and expensive gem of a fighter readily available for a new generation of gamers.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Did you ever own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Hyperstone Heist on the Mega Drive? How do you think it compares to both versions of Turtles in Time? What did you think to the redesigned and additional stages? Were you disappointed by the artificially enhanced length of the game and the lack of new boss battles? Which of the characters was your go-to and what did you think to the additional features added to the Cowabunga Collection? Whatever you think, feel free to share your memories of The Hyperstone Heist down in the comments or on my social media.

Talking Movies [HulkaMAYnia]: The Death of the Incredible Hulk

Dr. K2 Comments

Since his explosive debut in May 1962, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s gamma-irradiated Jade Giant has been one of their most recognisable and successful characters thanks, in large part, to the Incredible Hulk television show (1977 to 1982) catapulting the Hulk into a mainstream, pop culture icon. The Hulk has been no slouch in the comics either, being a founding member of the Avengers and undergoing numerous changes that have made him one of their most versatile and enduring characters, so what better way to celebrate all things Big Green than by dedicating every Sunday in May to the Green Goliath?

Released: 18 February 1990
Director: Bill Bixby
Distributor: New World International
Budget: Unknown
Stars: Bill Bixby, Lou Ferrigno, Elizabeth Gracen, Andreas Katsulas, and Philip Sterling

The Plot:
Desperate to rid himself of his destructive alter-ego, the Hulk (Ferrigno), Doctor David Banner (Bixby) poses as a janitor to gain access to a research facility he believes may be the key to finding a cure. However, when the kindly scientists assisting him are kidnapped, he must join forces with an unlikely ally and once again rely on his monstrous persona to rescue them.  

The Background:
The brainchild of Marvel Comics legends Stan Lee and Jack Kirby after learning of a hysterical mother exhibiting superhuman strength, the Hulk initially struggled to find an audience with Marvel readers but shot to fame thanks to his popular television show, The Incredible Hulk (1977 to 1982). The show ran for eighty episodes and firmly established the Green Goliath in the cultural consciousness thanks to coining the unforgettable “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” line and standout performances by star Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno, who would forever be associated with the character. About six years after the series finale, the first of three made-for-television movies was produced; apparently intended as a backdoor pilot for Thor (Eric Kramer), The Incredible Hulk Returns (Corea, 1988) was successful enough to warrant a follow-up that was also hoped to be a pilot for a potential Daredevil spin-off. The Trial of the Incredible Hulk (Bixby, 1989) was met with mixed reviews, but a third film followed regardless; initially believed to have featured the debut of Jennifer Walters/She-Hulk, The Death of the Incredible Hulk ultimately spelt the end for the long-running series following Bixby’s untimely death and plans for a fourth film that would’ve merged Banner’s intelligence with the Hulk’s strength were shelved.

The Review:
Growing up as a kid in the nineties, it was kind of tough for comic book fans such as myself; DC Comics characters received the most representation in live-action media at the time, so we mostly had to console ourselves with the awesome Marvel cartoons that aired during this period. If we wanted to see live-action interpretations of Marvel’s colourful heroes, we had no choice but to turn to the made-for-television efforts of the seventies and eighties but, honestly, I remember being awestruck seeing the likes of Peter Parker/Spider-Man, Steve Rogers/Captain America, and the Incredible Hulk brought to life in live action. Expectations were much lower then, and I was just a naïve youth who had no idea that these characters would come to dominate cinema screens so successfully; plus, The Incredible Hulk wasn’t airing on any channel I could watch at the time, so having access to these TV movies was seen as blessing. I say all this to provide a little historical context for the nostalgia I feel towards Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno’s efforts on The Incredible Hulk; while I actually have come to find many of the episodes I have watched to be quite laborious, I have a great appreciation for the TV movies giving me the briefest glimpse of the potential these characters had in live-action.

Banner finds himself with a surrogate family who enthusiastically try to help rid him of his curse.

The movie opens to find Banner now posing as “David Bellamy” and disguising his genius behind the persona of a well-meaning, but a mentally-challenged, janitor in order to secretly access to Doctor Ronald Pratt’s (Sterling) research on human healing. This masquerade allows Banner to win the hearts and sympathies of his co-workers, the security guards, and Dr. Pratt, who all see him as a harmless, if forgetful and easily confused, middle-aged man. Interestingly, Banner maintains this masquerade outside of work, and this, as much as the pocketful of cash, makes him an easy target for a group of street punks. Naturally, this triggers a transformation into the Hulk, which only accelerates his search for a cure; it turns out that Banner has been watching the routines of the guards, meaning he’s able to trick them with a tape recorder into thinking he’s left for the night, and has access to Dr. Pratt’s lab thanks to knowing his keycode. Luckily for Banner, the facility doesn’t have any security cameras, so he’s free to work throughout the night using Dr. Pratt’s resources, making corrections to his formulas in the hopes of finally discovering a cure to his monstrous affliction. Banner’s alterations to Dr. Pratt’s formulas do not go unnoticed, however; he’s stumped to find his notes changed for the better and incredulous when his wife, Amy (Barbara Tarbuck) suggests that his invisible partner is a ghost. Determined to find out who has been able to slip past the facility’s “high security”, Dr. Pratt hides out in his lab late one night and is shocked to find David is his mysterious helper; however, he’s even more shocked when David reveals his true identity, and is eager to hear about Banner’s research and what’s driven him to such desperate measures. Sympathetic to Banner’s plight, and believing that he can cure him while also potentially benefiting others by studying the Hulk’s incredible healing abilities, Dr. Pratt convinces Banner to work with him and, over the course of a heart-warming montage, Banner is taken in by the Pratt’s and becomes something of a surrogate son to them. After so many years alone and on the run, Banner is clearly grateful to have friends around him for the first time in forever; he forms a fast friendship with Dr. Pratt and Amy, who welcome him into their home and work with him to construct a machine capable of containing the Hulk and turning his strength against him. Dr. Pratt is infuriated when his superiors threaten to shut his experiments down unless he turns his research towards military applications, and they’re thus given one chance to rid Banner of the Hulk forever, and Banner is fully accepting that the procedure could cost him his life.

Jasmine, mistress of disguise, faces stern reprisals when she fails to steal Dr. Pratt’s research.

Unfortunately, Dr. Pratt’s Gamma research attracts the attention of Kasha (Katsulas),a powerful underworld figurehead who wishes to obtain the doctor’s secrets and sell them to the highest bidder. To fulfil this objective, he blackmails Eastern European spy Jasmine (Gracen) into taking on the assignment; having “served” Kasha since she was fourteen, Jasmine believes that she has completed her duty to her employers, who seem to be a kind of vaguely defined religious organisation. Somewhat akin to Natasha Romanoff/The Black Widow, Jasmine is a much-accomplished spy whose favoured tactic is to adopt a series of disguises and false identities to get close to her targets, usually luring them in with her sexuality, and take information from under the noses. Although she has no wish to further serve Kasha, she is easily overpowered by his sadistic henchman, Zed (Joh Novak), and compelled to obey when Kasha reveals that their sect’s mysterious new leader, Ashenko, threatens the life of Jasmine’s beloved sister, Bella (Anna Katarina). Jasmine throws on her best wig and fake accent to seduce one of the facility’s security guards and take his fingerprints, then disappears amidst the crowd with a simple costume change in order to pose as Betty (Chilton Crane), another of the lab’s security guards. Unfortunately for Banner, Jasmine chooses to carry out her mission at the exact moment that he’s strapped in to Dr. Pratt’s machinery, forcing Dr. Pratt to shut down the experiment and costing Banner his last, best chance at a cure. Naturally, this causes Banner to Hulk-out and his monstrous alter ego to be blamed for the resulting destruction and Dr. Pratt’s injury, despite the fact that he carried the comatose scientist to safety, and Jasmine is reprimanded for having failed in securing the data Ashenko required.

Banner and Jasmine’s romance is cut short when he’s compelled to save his loved ones.

Amy is as devastated by Dr. Pratt’s condition, which sees him lost to the slumber of a deep coma, as she is concerned for Banner’s safety; she covers for him when federal agents finger him as one of three terrorist infiltrators (with Jasmine and the Hulk being the other two) and creates a distraction so he can slip away. However, with Dr. Pratt incapacitated, Jasmine’s only lead is also Banner, which leads to him being pursued by Kasha’s minions; having seen her efforts to try and pull Dr. Pratt to safety in the lab, and unable to simply allow Kasha’s men to kill her in cold blood, Banner lashes out when she’s ordered to be killed and she’s left both distraught and shocked when her friend and minder, Pauley (Mina E. Mina), tells her with his dying breath that Ashenko is Bella and has taken control of their cause. Banner aids Jasmine after she she’s injured by a gunshot; despite her horror at Banner’s affliction, Jasmine helps Banner to get to Dr. Pratt in gratitude for his assistance and, thanks to his knowledge of Dr. Pratt’s work and life, Banner’s able to help wake him from his coma with an emotional plea. After Banner Hulks-out and Jasmine sees the tortured horror of the Green Goliath, the two enter into an unexpected romance in her secluded cabin; both are being hunted, both have spent years alone and being used or forced into being a weapon, and both are eager to escape from the world. However, their hopes of starting a new life together are dashed when Jasmine’s past comes back to haunt her; Bella has Dr. Pratt and Amy apprehended in the hopes of discovering his formula, and Banner is compelled to intervene, a decision that not only causes great dismay to Jasmine, who simply wants them to run away together and be free, but also ultimately spells the end of Banner’s long nightmare.

The Nitty-Gritty:
It’s a bit of a shame that The Death of the Incredible Hulk is lumbered with this uninterested spy-story subplot; maybe if Jasmine had been the Black Widow, that might have made it a bit more compelling (and also would have tied into the TV movies guest starring other Marvel heroes), but Jasmine’s not an especially interesting character and it’s difficult to really care to much about the cause she once served. The mid-movie reveal that Bella is the mastermind behind this malicious organisation doesn’t really carry too much weight for me as Banner was constantly running afoul of the criminal underworld and they took many different names and forms. It also doesn’t help that Bella, despite her steely demeanour and cold-hearted vindictiveness, isn’t as charismatic as Kasha or alluring as Zed, so she doesn’t make for a very interesting villain since all we really know about her is that she wants Dr. Pratt’s formula and will do anything to get it, including ordering her sister’s death.

The Hulk remains a highlight, and performs a number of heroic feats despite his reputation.

As ever, it’s the Hulk himself who proves to be the main highlight of the film for me; Lou Ferrigno absolutely dominates the screen with his stature, physicality, and animal fury and there’s some fun scenes of him tossing around street punks, crashing through walls, bending steel, and holding back two diggers to help sell the Hulk’s rage and strength. More than ever, the Hulk is treated as a devastating affliction that Banner is desperate to be rid of; obviously, by this point, Banner has lived with the Hulk or many years, and been on the run so long and lost so much that he’s literally at the end of his tether and just wants to be rid of the beast. In recounting his arrogance and impatience to harness humanity’s capacity for superhuman strength, Banner muses that the Hulk is a mutation, something inhuman, and perhaps a missing link in mankind’s evolutionary process, which firmly paints the beast as a disease that could one day cause serious harm to others. Thanks to Dr. Pratt’s experimentations, Banner is able to see the Hulk for the very first time and is utterly horrified by the beast’s rage and monstrous appearance, and yet there is still the capacity for good within the Green Goliath; not only is the creature generally depicted as either reacting ins elf-defence or coming to the aid of others (such as Jasmine), but it’s superhuman ability to heal wounds potentially spells a medical breakthrough for Dr. Pratt’s research. Indeed, both Banner and Dr. Pratt are not just in awe but almost terrified at the Hulk’s healing ability, which has left Banner without a physical scar but also haunted by his uncontrollable alter ego, which is functionally immortal. Banner theorises that catastrophic damage to the creature could kill it, but he’s more focused on ridding himself of the beast so that he can be fully human again, which leads to a series of tests being conducting by the two scientists to better understand the nature of the Hulk. Thanks to Dr. Pratt’s resources, the beast is effectively caged behind an energy field, and the movie goes a little further than its predecessors in examining the complex relationship between Banner and the Hulk since he sees it as a threat to others that has stolen his life, Dr. Pratt sees it as a once in a lifetime chance to potentially cure all diseases, and Amy believes that the creature is more human than either of them will admit.

Ultimately, the fall is too devastating for even the Hulk and Banner finally finds his freedom.

At first glance, it seems as though the movie’s title is referring to the fact that Banner will finally be rid of his monstrous alter ego, however it quickly becomes apparent that Dr. Pratt’s research is yet another dead end for the ill-fated Banner thanks to the machinations of Kasha and Bella. When Dr. Pratt and Amy are kidnapped, Banner’s last chance to escape the world with his newfound love is dashed as he cannot simply walk away from his surrogate family, and Jasmine begrudgingly leads him to an airfield, where Bella uses every means at her disposal to try and forcibly extract the information she requires from Dr. Pratt. Although Jasmine is unable to reach her sister, who has fully bought in to the brainwashing of her righteous cause, the two lead the Feds to the airfield, providing them with the backup and firepower they need to stave off Bella’s men; in the fracas, Bella guns down Kasha, the Pratts are rescued, but Bella and Zedd manage to escape in a small aircraft. The horror of seeing the two trying to run down jasmine is enough to trigger one last Hulk-out in Banner, who sprints across the landing strip and confronts the two aboard the plane. Naturally, Bella tries to fire on the Hulk but succeeds only in destroying the craft in mid-air, causing the Hulk to dramatically and tragically plummet to the cold concrete below. Having suffered a catastrophic fall, the Hulk is barely clinging to life and even his incredibly healing powers aren’t enough to save Banner this time; as Dr. Pratt and Amy look on, heartbroken, Jasmine begs Banner to stay with her and he bids her an emotional farewell, seemingly grateful to finally be free of his nightmare in death. Sadly, as poignant as this moment is, it is somewhat undermined by the ridiculousness of the Hulk’s plummet; filmed in slow motion and accompanied by a melancholy song, it’s hard not to focus on Ferrigno’s eye-popping face expressions. Thankfully, Banner’s final words (“Jasmine…I am free…”) and Joe Harnell’’s “Lonely Man” theme kick in just in time to allow Banner’s death to have the required emotional impact (there’s a definite sense of relief that he’s finally found the freedom he’s long searched for), but I can’t help but feel a slower, more tragic rendition of “The Lonely Man” would have been soundtrack enough for the character’s unexpected swansong.

The Summary:
Well, this was a sadly anticlimactic, disappointing, and forgettable end for the Jade Giant. It’s a shame that so many compromise shave to be made to appreciate The Death of the Incredible Hulk; obviously, there was no budget or the technological ability to have the Green Goliath go out in a blaze of glory like we’d see in the comics, making for an inconspicuous death that’s really selling the Hulk short. Long-term fans of the TV show, however, or those with little knowledge of the character outside of the show, would potentially have more to gain from this final outing. The story being told is decent enough; Banner has clearly reached a point that’s beyond desperation where he’s willing to accept the freedom offered by death if it means being rid of his curse. The exploration into the Banner/Hulk dynamic was interesting, and one not really explored in the same way in the previous two films, but isn’t capitalised on as well as it could have been. I think I would have preferred to see a less literal death and maybe more of an understanding between the two where Banner accepted that the Hulk was part of him and thereby, maybe, overcame his rage and hinted towards a merger of the two characters. Instead, that’s kind of swept aside in favour of reinforcing what we already know about the Hulk; he’s once again a rage-filled monster who’s ruined Banner’s life but it’s pretty clear that he just wants to be left alone, only lashes out at those who seek to harm him (or were harming Banner), and goes out of his way to protect others. Ultimately, the Hulk chooses to pursue those who’ve hurt his friends and loved ones and it costs him his life, but I think it might’ve been equally interesting if the Hulk had sacrificed himself to allow Banner to survive the fall, thereby proving Amy’s theory that he’s more human than anyone would care to admit. Sadly, we never got to see Bixby reprise his iconic role or to see the surely bat-shit crazy way that the producers would have undone this ending, which remains a relatively tragic finale for the character that really belongs in a far better movie.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Have you ever seen The Death of the Incredible Hulk? What did you think to the relationship between Banner and the Pratts? Were you hoping to see Banner finally cured of his affliction? Did you enjoy the spy subplot and what did you think to Jasmine? Did you believe her romance with Banner? What was your reaction when the Hulk plummeted to his death? What’s your favourite Hulk story, character, or piece of media? How are you celebrating the Hulk’s debut this month? Whatever your thoughts on the Hulk, feel free to leave them below after signing up or drop a comment on my social media.

Talking Movies: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

Dr. K4 Comments
Talking Movies

Released: 5 May 2023
Director: James Gunn
Distributor: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Budget: $250 million
Stars: Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper/Sean Gunn, Chukwudi Iwuji, Zoe Saldaña, Karen Gillan, Vin Diesel, Dave Bautista, and Will Poulter

The Plot:
Still reeling from the death of Gamora (Saldaña) and the subsequent return of a past version of her, the Guardians of the Galaxy are attacked by superpowered bounty hunter Adam Warlock (Poulter). With Rocket (Cooper/Gunn) critically injured, Peter Quill/Star-Lord (Pratt) leads the Guardians in discovering their friend’s horrifying origins, which brings them into direct conflict with the deranged High Evolutionary (Iwuji).

The Background:
Although they’re one of Marvel’s more obscure properties and have undergone numerous changes over the years, the Guardians of the Galaxy turned out to be a massive financial success when they made their live-action debut in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) with Guardians of the Galaxy (Gunn, 2014). To capitalise on this, and to promote the team as being as integral to the MCU as the Avengers, the cast and crew returned for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (ibid, 2017), which proved to be an even bigger financial success than the first film despite being met with mixed reviews. Despite having had plans for a trilogy right from the start, director James Gunn seemed to flip-flop on whether he’d return for a third movie; however, after completing a script and entering pre-production, his involvement was placed in serious jeopardy when he was fired after a series of offensive tweets made the headlines. Gunn publicly apologised for the tweets and fans and cast members rushed to his defense, and he was eventually brought back to helm the project later that year. However, much had changed in those few months; stars Dave Bautista and Zoe Saldaña expressed a desire to retire from their roles and Gunn was later named as the creative force behind a reboot of the rival DC Comics cinematic universe, not to mention Gunn’s displeasure at Gamora’s unexpected death in Avengers: Infinity War (Russo and Russo, 2018). Still, he worked around these issues and was even allowed to film a short, holiday-themed passion project surrounding these characters and craft an emotional finale for the franchise. While visual effects naturally played a large part in the third film, Gunn also strived to include more practical effects to bring the surreal locations and creatures to life; though he was largely kept in the dark about the character until shooting began, Will Poulter was cast as Adam Warlock to kick-start further explorations of the character in later MCU films, while Chukwudi Iwuji was cast as the High Evolutionary, beating out fellow cosmic villain Annihulus to create the MCU’s cruelest villain to date. As of this writing, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 has made nearly $344 million at the box office and been met with positive reviews; critics lauded the film as the best MCU movie in recent memory for its emotional and visually imaginative presentation, though it was also criticised for its depiction of animal cruelty and for its surprisingly brutal tone.

The Review:
As much as I enjoyed Guardians of the Galaxy (and I really did; it’s surprising how well it works as this bizarre, sci-fi/action romp, especially as it introduces a whole team of characters and explores a side of the MCU that’s so divorced from some of its more grounded action), it took me a few views to appreciate Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I was expecting bigger and better, only to find it was a more character-driven film that explored the dysfunctional family dynamic of the titular team; once I realised this, subsequent viewings allowed me to appreciate it more, especially the growth of the complex love/hate relationship between Gamora and her semi-psychotic, cyborg sister, Nebula (Gillan). Fate saw the Guardians of the Galaxy play a pivotal role in Avengers: Infinity War, one that actually ended up dooming half the life in all the universe for five years or so, but Avengers: Endgame (Russo and Russo, 2018) ended with the suggestion that the team would find new life searching the galaxy for a time-displaced Gamora alongside Thor Odinson (Chris Hemsworth). Unfortunately, this “Asgardians of the Galaxy” team didn’t really come to pass beyond a brief inclusion in Thor: Love & Thunder (Waititi, 2022); I do feel like there’s a bigger story to tell there with those characters, however, and hope that we get some kind of animated short or interlude that explored the adventures they got up to between films. Instead, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 picks up not long after the end of their Christmas special; the team operates out of Knowhere, the severed head of a Celestial that houses an entire community under their protection, and they’re still trying to wrap their heads around the fact that the Gamora they knew is dead, yet another version of her is still out there in the galaxy. This is particularly difficult for Quill, who has turned to alcohol and depression not just because he’s lost the love of his life, but because of a deep-rooted feeling of abandonment and pain as everyone he’s ever known and cared about has died. His surrogate family, the Guardians of the Galaxy, are on hand to care for him and support him, but they’re individually too maladjusted to properly communicate their feelings too him.

When Rocket’s life is endangered, Quill and the others embark on a quest that sees Quill confronting his fears.

Drax the Destroyer (Bautista) is far too literally a thick-headed, living tree Groot (Diesel) is far too simplistic, and abrasive Rocket much too aggressive. Nebula, however, offers a surprising amount of support, caring for him in a way we’ve never seen before since she’s now come to regard the Guardians as her family and truly cares about them, even if her traumatic past makes it difficult for her to express emotions beyond violence. Quill takes some solace in his empathetic half-sister Mantis (Pom Klementieff), but her naïve optimism and observation that Quill has family waiting for him on Earth also do little to ease his pain. Luckily for Quill, the team is attacked by Adam Warlock, the child-like superhuman champion of the golden-skinned Sovereign; I say “luckily” as this brings the team together to fend off Warlock’s attack and defend Knowhere, a task they struggle to accomplish given his power, resulting in Rocket being critically injured. Faced with the stark reality that his self-professed best friend may die, an enraged Quill refuses to accept this and resolves to seek out Orgocorp, a highly advanced scientific research centre, in order to deactivate the kill switch attached to Rocket’s heart and keeping them from helping him. This sees them crossing paths with Gamora since Nebula arranges for Gamora and her Ravager allies to help the team infiltrate Orgocorp. This again forces Quill to be faced with the harsh truth that this Gamora isn’t the one he knew and loved; even Drax points out that she’s “dead to them” since this Gamora never hooked up with the team and has none of the memories or attachments to them. While this is a pretty simple prospect, even for the otherwise simple-minded Star-Lord, the film spends a lot of time reinforcing that he and the others don’t really understand what’s going on with Gamora; often, they talk about how she “doesn’t remember” them and Quill futilely tries to jog memories that just aren’t there and takes every opportunity to tell anyone within earshot about their complicated history, needlessly hammering home that this isn’t the same Gamora from the previous Guardians films. I understand it in a way; a big part of the film is Quill having to come to terms with death and loss, but it starts to get a little grating when he constantly harps on about it to everyone in earshot. This Gamora is much more cold-hearted and harsh compared to her counterpart; she has more in common with how Nebula used to be and there’s an interesting reframing of their narrative here as Nebula states that Gamora was “always like this” and Gamora is shown to have this dark, violent side to her that casts as more of an anti-hero. She begrudgingly helps the Guardians at Orgocorp but despairs of their ineptitude, constant bickering, and Quill’s insistence that he knows anything about her. She softens towards them over the course of the film after seeing how hard they fight to help Rocket and protect others, but nevertheless remains her own distinct character, separate from them, and it’s a testament to the film that it doesn’t just repeat the same will they/won’t they character between her and Quill from the first film.

Though aggravated by her teammates, Nebula and the Guardians strive to help even their misguided enemies.

As for the rest of the team, Drax is mostly relegated to being the comic relief and mindless muscle of the group; his stoic demeanour allows him to process Gamora’s loss in a more productive way than Quill, but it’s clear that he misses her in his own way, too. He continues to have an attachment to Mantis and the film does explore how, despite her objections to the contrary, she uses her empathic abilities to manipulate him in ways that he’s not aware of. For example, she defends Drax’s infantile nature to Nebula, who lashes out at both of them for their incompetence, and he seems genuinely upset to learn that Mantis thinks he’s stupid (even though she loves him regardless) so she simply has him forget hearing that. despite Nebula’s anger at the two for endangering the group on countless occasions, Mantis and Drax prove their quality in the final act of the film where Mantis is able to tame the ravenous Abilisks and Drax is able to calm and communicate to the children held in the High Evolutionary’s ship since he not only unexpectedly speaks their language but also is a natural father. This theme of underestimating those around you is a prominent one in the film; even Kraglin (Sean Gunn) embodies this since he continues to struggle with mastering Yondu Udonta’s (Michael Rooker) arrow and proves invaluable in aiding the rescue effort at the end of the film, but it’s most prominently seen in Adam Warlock’s character arc. Having been born prematurely, Warlock is little more than a child in a man’s body; he’s been created as a perfect being, a living weapon to enact the will of his mother, the Sovereign High Priestess Ayesha (Elizabeth Debicki). While my knowledge of Warlock is somewhat limited, I was surprised to see him characterised as a childlike fool, but he undergoes a surprising journey in the film; he feels regret after incinerating space creature Blurp’s owner after a misunderstanding and adopts the cute little critter, then briefly abandons his crusade against the Guardians in an unsuccessful attempt to save his mother when the High Evolutionary callously obliterates her along with his “Counter-Earth”, and becomes an unexpected ally of the team by the film’s conclusion since his former enemies make efforts to save his life rather than leaving him to perish.

For his callous and cruel animal experiments, the High Evolutionary is easily the MCU’s most detestable villain.

For me, the High Evolutionary ends up being easily the most reprehensible villain in all of the MCU so far. While he still doesn’t get a huge amount of screen time or backstory and the exact nature of his gravity-based powers is a little vague, this is a villain who has absolutely no redeeming qualities; we’re given no reason to sympathise with him or to understand his perception of the galaxy, and this is perfectly acceptable given his heinous actions! The High Evolutionary is a maniacal despot obsessed with “perfection”; he sees the flaws in life and God’s plan and uses his superior intellect and scientific acumen to step in to correct these flaws. His ultimate goal isn’t conquest or destruction, it’s to create the “perfect” society, which has led to him being regarded as a God by many of his creations, like the Sovereign. However, while the Sovereign are basically the embodiment of beauty and perfection, the High Evolutionary is never satisfied and the majority of his experiments are geared towards creating anthropomorphic beings and semi-cybernetic monstrosities! These live out normal lives on an exact replica of Earth, yet while he was able to suppress their natural animalistic urges and craft a society that’s a mirror of ours, he wasn’t able to create a utopia, so he habitually exterminates his creations like a child bored of a toy. While this ritualistic genocide and the High Evolutionary’s unstable, erratic God complex are bad enough, what makes him so irredeemable and reprehensible compared to other MCU villains are his callous experiments on animals. Animal cruelty is at the forefront of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 as Rocket, near death, experiences a series of flashbacks to his time as one of High Evolutionary’s test subjects. A strangely curious raccoon, he was subjected to horrific procedures that grafted mechanical parts to his body and increased his intelligence and awareness, all under the pretence that he and his fellow prototype anthropomorphs would have a place in the “new world”. However, when Rocket’s intelligence exceeded the High Evolutionary’s for a split second, the madman ordered Rocket dissected and the execution of his friends, leading to the terrified and heartbroken creature to enact a daring escape that left him traumatised and the High Evolutionary gruesomely disfigured.

The Nitty-Gritty:
Like the last two Guardians of the Galaxy movies, music plays an important role in this film, both diegetically and non- diegetically; Quill is almost irrationally protective of the Zune gifted to him by his father-figure, Yondu, which Rocket borrows without asking to find solace in the songs contained within it. Almost all of the film’s action and fight scenes are accompanied by music tracks, as is James Gunn’s signature at the point, but they weren’t as memorable for me and seemed to be a little more random rather than sticking to one era or genre of music. However, the film is very much a culmination of the character arcs began in the first one; there’s always been a question hanging over Quill about why he never returned to Earth when he clearly has the means to do so, and it’s always come down to fear disguised as lust for adventure in space. Earth is where his mother died and he has no desire to return there, especially as his memory of that day is skewed to paint his grandfather, Jason (Gregg Henry), as having pushed him away, when the reality was they were all grieving their loss. Drax, whose life was upended when his family was killed, quickly found a new purpose with his surrogate family and struggles with the idea that the team parts ways by the finale, only to rediscover his true calling not as a destroyer, but a father. Even Mantis unexpectedly decides to forge her own path after years of just doing what she’s told, Nebula grows from this unyielding, murderous assassin into a caring (if blunt) matriarch whose priorities now extend to all of Knowhere, and the film’s events eventually lead Quill to realise that this Gamora is forging her own path with the Ravagers.

The film explores Rocket’s tragic and horrific backstory in gruesome detail.

However, while Rocket spends most of this film at death’s door on an operating table, this is Rocket’s film through and through. The team is united in going to any lengths, even infiltrating the notoriously heavily guarded headquarters of Orgocorp, challenging the might of the immensely powerful High Evolutionary, and killing anyone who gets in their way, to help their friend even if it costs them their own lives. We’re treated to some incredibly emotional flashbacks that show Rocket’s time as a simple test subject, one of many of the High Evolutionary’s efforts to increase the intelligence of animals and anthropomorphise them into the “perfect” society. Rocket shares his cage with three other sentiment animals, each one horrifically mutilated by cybernetic enhancements: otter Lylla (Linda Cardellini), who Rocket becomes particularly attached to, simple minded walrus Teefs (Asim Chaudhry), and hyperactive rabbit Floor (Mikaela Hoover). Despite their gruesome appearances and the traumatic experiments they’ve been subjected to, the four are generally in good spirits; they genuinely believe that the High Evolutionary is improving them and that they’ll have a place in his new world, and Rocket impresses of them all with his unprecedented ingenuity and aptitude for mechanics that allows the High Evolutionary to perfect his technology. In their dank, cramped cage, the four dream of having a home under the sky, of flying away together and being free, and it’s absolutely devastating when the High Evolutionary violently chastises Rocket for having the gall to outthink him…even though his goal is for his creations to have independent thoughts! Insulted and enraged, he cruelly rejects Rocket and his friends and orders them to be killed, forcing Rocket to affect a daring escape using a cobbled-together key card. Sadly, the High Evolutionary anticipated this and personally shoots Lylla in cold blood right before Rocket’s eyes, driving him into an animalistic rage that leaves the High Evolutionary’s face gruesomely mangled, his friends dead in the chaos, and Rocket a deeply traumatised and embittered abomination of science. It really is an abolsutely harrowing backstory, one that was hinted at in the first film but really paints the High Evolutionary as a despicable villain, an egotistical hypocrite who simply toys with animals for his own sense of gratification and it’s extremely satisfying to see the Guardians come together to beat the piss out of him in the finale.

The Guardians unite with allies old and new to put an end to the High Evolutionary’s heinous experiments.

Indeed, there are some stunning cosmic scenes in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; some really fun practical and special effects help to bring an even more bizarre flavour to the MCU (though I did feel like the scene at Orgocorp dragged on a bit too long), especially when they visit Counter-Earth and encounter all these weird anthropomorphic creatures. At first, I thought that safeguarding this world against the High Evolutionary’s reprisals would be the focus of the finale and the driving force behind galvanising the team but, no…the High Evolutionary just destroys the planet on a whim, murdered its countless misshapen inhabitants, and prepares to populate a new world with his latest creations. However, despite having rejected Rocket in the past, he’s come to see that Rocket is the only one of his creations that showed true, independent ingenuity rather than following pre-programmed patterns, so he becomes obsessed with reacquiring the specimen, to the point where even his loyal followers turn against him and he’s forced to kill them without a second thought to get what he wants. To counter the High Evolutionary’s cybernetic army and immense ship, the Guardians call in Kraglin to bring Knowhere to them for a massive final showdown, once that sees all of the Guardians lay waste to an entire corridor of the High Evolutionary’s soldiers before attacking the main man himself. As mentioned, it was deeply satisfying to see him take a beating and be left for dead, literally unmasked and a quivering, deposed wreck on the floor, though it did somewhat diminish his threat since he was previously seen as nigh-untouchable. With the High Evolutionary’s ship going down in flames, Rocket begs his friends to help save not just the children but the innocent animals held captive in his cages, a campaign that appears to leave Quill dead in the frozen vacuum of space! Luckily for him, Warlock comes to his aid, but I feel this should’ve happened before Quill’s body froze solid and was disturbingly bloated as he’s clearly dead or would be left severely injured from exposure. Instead, he survives…in fact, everyone does, which I was really surprised by; there’s a moment where it seems like Nebula might die piloting the High Evolutionary’s ship, Drax is almost killed in the Orgocorp battle, Groot is left a severed head by Warlock, and obviously Rocket’s life hangs in the balance throughout the entire film but, surprisingly, they all survive by the film’s end. However, they’re not left unchanged; Quill finally returns to Earth, Drax and Nebula pledge themselves to safeguarding Knowhere, Mantis goes off on a journey of self-discovery, and Rocket, Groot, Kraglin, Warlock, and one of the children they rescue form a new Guardians of the Galaxy team after bidding a heartfelt farewell to each other to bring their story to a definitive (if open-ended) close.

The Summary:
There was definitely a sense of foreboding heading into Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; knowing that many of the actors and even the director were openly stating that they were done with the MCU and seeing the way the trailers were purposely produced to suggest that one of more of the titular characters would meet their end in the film, I was extremely taken aback to find that they all survived to the end, and were better for it after their adventures together. As disturbing as it is to endure the horrendous treatment Rocket and his fellow animals suffer at the hands of the High Evolutionary, it gave the film an emotional weight that’s often missing from MCU movies and really presented the High Evolutionary as an absolutely despicable person with no redeeming qualities. He was a maniacal character, obsessed with perfection but ruled by a cruel, vindictive childishness that saw him callously disregard everything, even his own creations, if they don’t immediately meet his expectations. This was a fantastic counter for the dysfunctional Guardians to throw themselves up against and unite to oppose; they’re all flawed, both collectively and individually, but still strive to do the right thing and protect people, even their enemies or horrifying abominations of science and torture. As is always the case with these films, the core conceit revolved around the family dynamic of the team; they’re really struggling with the whole Gamora situation and willingly risk their lives to help Rocket, who’s tragic backstory perfectly juxtaposes with the present-day action. While I would’ve liked to see a bit more involvement from Adam warlock beyond yelling and being a strange, overpowered man-child, it’s clear that he’s being setup for bigger things going forward and I think there’s a definite sense that we’ll see these characters again in some way, shape, or form later down the line. Phase Four of the MCU was a little hit and miss but Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is a terrific return to form; funny, action-paced, and filled with emotion that’ll have even the most soulless detractor teary-eyed, this was a fantastic swansong for the team and tied up their stories in a very fulfilling and moving way.  

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Did you enjoy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3? Were you surprised that it included the debut of the MCU’s first f-bomb? What did you think to Adam Warlock’s portrayal, and would you have liked to see more of him? Did you enjoy the focus on Rocket’s backstory and were you moved by his traumatic origins? Were you surprised that the team made it out alive? What did you think to the new depiction of Gamora? Where do you see the team going from here? I’d love to know your opinion on Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, so go ahead and leave your thoughts below or on my social media, and be sure to check out my other Guardians of the Galaxy content.

Talking Movies [Turtle Tuesday]: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

Dr. K1 Comment

The first issue of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) was published in May of 1984. Since then, the TMNT have gone on to achieve worldwide mainstream success thanks not only to their original comics run but also a number of influential cartoons, videogames, and wave-upon-wave of action figures. This year, I’m emphasising third entries and time travel shenanigans in the popular franchise every Tuesday in May!

Talking Movies

Released: 19 March 1993
Director: Stuart Gillard
Distributor: New Line Cinema
Budget: $21 million
Stars: Brian Tochi/Mark Caso, Corey Feldman/Jim Raposa, Tim Kelleher/Matt Hill, Robbie Rist/David Fraser, Vivian Wu, Sab Shimono, Stuart Wilson, Paige Turco, and Elias Koteas

The Plot:
When reporter April O’Neil (Turco) purchases an ancient Japanese sceptre that allows those simultaneously holding it in different centuries to switch places in time, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles travel to feudal Japan to rescue her from the clutches of the villainous Lord Norinaga (Shimono), teaming up with rebel leader Misu (Wu) and, in the process, opposing Norinaga’s oppressive campaign against her people.

The Background:
As I’ve detailed previously, the TMNT were originally created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird to be a violent pastiche of comic book troupes before being catapulted to mainstream success by the unbelievably popular 1987 cartoon. It was probably inevitable that this would lead to a live-action feature film, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Barron, 1990) proved to be both a technically impressive financial success and a cult favourite. Although Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (Pressman, 1991) received comparatively mixed reviews, it still did well at the box office and I, for one, regard it as an under-rated entry in the franchise. The TMNT’s brand remained popular and successful, however, but there were a number of noticeable changes made for the third live-action film; first of all, Jim Henson’s studio was no longer involved in the production, and the animatronics created by All Effects Company were far less impressive. Secondly, their most iconic enemy, Oroku Saki/The Shredder, was entirely absent due to a slight case of death; and, finally, the film featured a time travel plot that took the narrative out of the sewers and often has it erroneously referred to as Turtles in Time. Although some of the original cast members returned after skipping the second film, and despite debuting at number one at the U.S. box office, TMNT III’s $54.4 million worldwide gross made it the least successful of the films so far, and the film was universally panned. Thanks to its dumbed down plot and characterisations, nonsensical narrative, and childish humour, TMNT III is widely regarded as one of the lowest points in the franchise; plans for a fourth film were scrapped and it would be nearly ten years before the TMNT made it back to cinema screens.

The Review:
Rather than opening up on the streets of New York City, a location more than prominent to the TMNT and the previous films, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III begins in 1603 Japan and finds Prince Kenshin (Henry Hayashi) being captured by samurai warriors as Mitsu watches on helplessly. We’re then reintroduced to the TMNT, still in their awesome abandoned subway lair, not through a fun or gritty action scene but, instead, through a musical montage that has the four show off their dance moves alongside their ninja skills. Sadly, this is one of the few times that the TMNT will actually use their weapons in the film, and an early warning sign that the film is going to be focused much more on slapstick buffoonery than its predecessors. Things haven’t changed too much for the TMNT since the last film; they’re still pushed to hone their ninja skills by their master and father figure, Splinter (James Murray), still obsessed with pizza, and Raphael (Kelleher/Hill) is still the gruff hot-head of the group who’s constantly frustrated that all of their efforts to keep people safe go unrecognised by the general public since they’re forced to hide underground. Because of this tantrum, he storms off in a huff and misses the gift that their ace reporter human friend April O’Neil shows off to them: an ancient Japanese sceptre she bought from a flea market.

The TMNT travel to feudal Japan to rescue April and end up winning over a group of rebels.

Back in the past, Kenshin, the son of powerful warlord Lord Norinaga, also stumbles upon the same sceptre alongside a scroll depicting the TMNT (or “kappa”, as he calls them) and reads aloud the inscription on the sceptre. This activates the sceptre in the present time and causes April and Kenshin to switch places (and, inexplicably, clothing thanks to the sceptre’s magic); since Donatello (Feldman/Raposa) “does machines”, he’s somehow able to use his computer to study the sceptre and work out that it operates by switching individuals of equal mass and weight in time. Oh, and there’s also an arbitrary time limit on how long the TMNT have to rescue April, meaning they only have sixty hours to complete the mission before the space/time continuum goes “out of sync”. Swapping places with four of Lord Norinaga’s Honour Guard, the TMNT find themselves garbed in ceremonial armour and in the middle of a raid upon a nearby village and, in the confusion, Michelangelo (Rist/Fraser) is captured by Mitsu and her fledgling rebellion. Luckily, he and the others soon earn the respect and admiration of the rebels after they save the life of young Yoshi (Travis A. Moon), one of the few things that Leonardo (Tochi/Caso) gets to do beyond showcasing his bizarre lack of brainpower. This, as much as the purity of the unpolluted landscape, brings Raphael a serenity he never knew existed; he also forms a bond with Yoshi, surprising himself by imparting advice about the boy’s temper and desire to fight rather than have fun and enjoy his childhood. While Donatello and Leonardo are determined to construct a replica sceptre to return them home, Mikey and Raph are actually tempted to remain in the past, where they’re accepted and revered.

While Lord Norinaga uses the old ways and Walker opts for artillery, neither are intimidating villains.

There’s no question that Lord Norinaga is a poor substitute for the far more intimidating Shredder; I think one of the most undeniable failings of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III is that it lacks a strong, iconic villain like the Shredder for the TMNT to go up against. A proud man who believes in maintaining his position and family name through power, Lord Norinaga is a power-hungry warlord shamed by his son’s rebellious ways and with a staunch belief in the might of his army. Lord Norinaga is aided by Walker (Wilson), an unscrupulous English trader who gleefully supplies him with gunpowder and other armaments and resources for his war. Walker scoffs at the Japanese clan’s ancient superstitions and their out-dated ways and is more of a futurist, believing in the unrivalled power of guns and artillery rather than ancient relics and fantasies. Surrounded by a gaggle of underappreciated buffoons, Walker is nevertheless intrigued by April’s spontaneous arrival in feudal Japan and goes to great lengths to track down the missing sceptre, including sacking a nearby village using his superior weapons and manipulating Lord Norinaga into purchasing his cannons and ammunitions in order to fend off the “demons” who now threaten his empire. A sneering, manipulative, and calculating opportunist, Walker delights in the fortune and power recent events bring him but is more of a pantomime villain than a truly intimidating foe; Michelangelo likens him to Clint Eastwood, but he’s more like the late, great Rik Mayall in his appearance and mannerisms.

Despite the bigger cast with new and old faces, most of them really don’t get much to do.

Although she played a prominent supporting role in the previous two films as an audience surrogate and a valued ally to the TMNT, April gets quite a bit more screen time in this third entry; when transported to the past, she’s branded a witch by Lord Norinaga and locked in a dungeon and the TMNT’s entire motivation this time around is going back in time to rescue her. Although April spends much of the film either locked in a cell or in need of rescue, April proves herself to be rather feisty and capable; she tries to play upon the superstitions of her captors to in an attempt to intimidate them and frequently hurls abuse their way. Since the TMNT need to swap places with those from the past, Michelangelo brings in their old ally, Casey Jones (Koteas), to watch over Splinter, their lair, and the time-displaced Japanese warriors. Sadly, this means that there really isn’t anything substantial for Casey to do in the film except babysit and be used for questionable comic relief, but Koteas does play a dual role in the film as April finds herself locked up alongside Whit after he unsuccessfully tried to lead a mutiny against Walker. The film is also populated by a number of new characters; Kenshin is the rebellious son of the warmongering Lord Norinaga, who openly opposes his father’s dreams of conquest and is anxious to get back to the past and reunite with Mistu. Though the headstrong leader of a vastly outnumbered rebellion, Mitsu also ends up becoming little more than a damsel in distress when Whit betrays them and takes her, and the real sceptre, to Lord Norinaga in a misguided attempt to broker a deal with Walker.

The Nitty-Gritty:
On the surface, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III tries to coast off of the success and reputation of its predecessors and the mammoth franchise as a whole; it recreates the subway set from the second film, returns many of the same voice actors from the last two movies, and even reuses the soundtrack from the first film, none of which really help to improve its presentation. While the first movie was (and, in my opinion, still is) the perfect blend between the violent source material and the more family-friendly cartoon series, the second leaned a bit more into humour and cartoony shenanigans; however, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III takes all of these latter elements and brings them right to the forefront. No longer are the TMNT shrouded by the darkness of night (which really doesn’t help hide how inferior their suits are) and they’ve been distilled down to the most basic of characterisations. Even Leonardo, typically the level-headed and intelligent leader of the group, is portrayed as a complete idiot here, and the focus of their dialogue is now firmly on cringey pop culture references, catchphrases, and idiotic statements that will probably make little kids laugh but will leave older viewers rolling their eyes. It is, essentially, a live-action cartoon and, while there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, it is a noticeable downgrade considering the first movie was also a live-action cartoon but it didn’t treat its audience like they were juvenile idiots or pander to the lowest common denominator. Here, all nuance is completely cast aside; the TMNT are generally too busy making fools of themselves and messing about, so when heartfelt moments like Raph’s bond with Yoshi do occur they fall flat because of all the tomfoolery that proceeds them.

The suits are bad, the dialogue corny, and the film’s lumbered with an out of place time travel gimmick.

It’s undeniable that the TMNT suits, while still impressive practical and animatronic effects, have taken a noticeable downgrade. The actors seem to be able to move more freely in these suits, to be fair, but they look far less believable and much more like plastic, rubbery outfits than in the last two films. The heads are easily the worst aspect; the eyes are far less expressive, the mouths don’t sync up as well, and everything just feels much more cheap and low quality. By far the worst offender, though, his Splinter; not only does the wise old rat sensei look far worse than his previous incarnations, but he’s rarely ever shown in full body in a clear attempt by the filmmakers to hide his limitations and mostly just peeps out through window frames or sits in his chair. The action sequences are equally underwhelming this time around; while the TMNT are far more spritely in this film, and fights are filmed in full daylight, the TMNT continue to use their weapons either defensively or for comedic effect and everything seems far more choreographed and dumbed down, which is a shame considering how many more armed opponents the TMNT have to contend with in this jaunt. Additionally, the film is lumbered with an inexplicable time travel plot that really doesn’t seem to gel all that well with the atmosphere of the previous films; obviously, the TMNT have endured similar fantastical plots in the cartoons and comics but, for me, the natural next step is either interdimensional travel or facing an otherworldly, sci-fi threat like Krang and Dimension-X. Clearly, the decision to set the film in feudal Japan was a budgetary one, and that’s a shame as there was no way that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III could hope to out-do the mutated opponents the TMNT faced in the last film when they’re stuck in the 17th century for the majority of the runtime.

Ultimately the TMNT are victorious and opt to return home for another cringey dance number.

With time fast running out, the TMNT have no choice but to join forces with the rebels in an all-out assault on Castle Norinaga in order to rescue Mitsu and reclaim the sceptre. This leads to them discovering that Lord Norinaga’s ancestor was previously defeated by four legendary kappa, and the odd insinuation that they’re somehow descended from these mythological creatures. It also involves a number of fight scenes pitting the TMNT and Mitsu against Lord Norinaga’s guards, and the rebels against his forces, though any kind of tension or danger is largely mitigated by an overuse of comical sound effects and embarrassing one-liners. Leo finally gets something significant to do, however, when he gets into an intense sword fight with Lord Norinaga that sees the warlord trapped in a giant bell after being bested. All the fighting bizarrely stops when Walker and his men hold everyone at gunpoint, such is the fear of his weapons, but he flees in terror after Leo ducks into his shell to avoid being killed by his cannon. Although Walker distracts them by throwing the sceptre at them to cover his escape, Whit ultimately finishes him off by blasting him with a flaming projectile and sending Walker plunging to his poorly-realised demise in the sea below.  Afterwards, the TMNT briefly debate whether they should return to the present; while Donnie is eager to return home and Leo considers staying, Mikey and Raph are strongly tempted to stay since Raph feels appreciated there and Mikey has, apparently, fallen for Mitsu. Ultimately, after a brief fake-out, all four return home, with April, and the status quo is restored, with Kenshin and Mistu being reunited and the TMNT enjoying one last embarrassing dance number to bring this mess to an end.

The Summary:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III was one of the first movies I remember seeing at the cinema; like almost everyone back then, I was a big TMNT fan and excited to see them on the big screen, but I honestly don’t remember what I thought to it back in the day and barely even remember going to see it. In the years since, I’ve rarely returned to the film since there are far better TMNT options out there, so it seems redundant to waste my time watching one of the more inferior productions. It doesn’t help that everyone and their mother has talked at length about how bad this film is compared to its predecessors, which really doesn’t make me excited to drop the disc in when I could just watch the first, and infinitely superior, movie instead. I guess there’s enough here for little kids to find some enjoyment; it’s very cartoony and full of one-liners and slapstick and daft fight scenes, but it’s just depressing to see how the property got some dumbed down so quickly. The whole production looks and feels so much cheaper, from the suits to the voice acting and the plot, and I’ll always find it odd how the comics and animated stories were able to do a better job appealing to their core demographic than a big-budget live-action production. Even die-hard TMNT fans will struggle with this one, and it’s best left to gather dust on the shelf.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Did you enjoy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III? How do you think the film holds up against the other TMNT films? Which of the TMNT is your favourite and why? What did you think to the time travel plot and the increased emphasis on comedic slapstick? Would you like to see another live-action TMNT film using modern technology to create more practical versions of the TMNT? How are you celebrating the TMNT’s debut this month? Whatever your thoughts on the TMNT, leave a comment down below.

Game Corner [Turtle Tuesday]: TMNT: Turtles in Time (Xbox Series X)

Dr. K5 Comments

The first issue of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) was published in May of 1984. Since then, the TMNT have gone on to achieve worldwide mainstream success thanks not only to their original comics run but also a number of influential cartoons, videogames, and wave-upon-wave of action figures. This year, I’m emphasising third entries and time travel shenanigans in the popular franchise every Tuesday in May!

GameCorner

Released: 30 August 2022
Originally Released: March 1991 (Arcade) / 24 July 1992 (SNES)
Developer: Digital Eclipse
Original Developer: Konami
Also Available For: Arcade, GameCube, Nintendo Switch, PC, PlayStation 2, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES), Xbox, Xbox 360, Xbox One, and Xbox Series S

The Background:
Back in the late-eighties and early-nineties, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles for us Brits) took the lives of children everywhere by storm. Before Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers (1993 to 1996) and Pokémon (1997 to present) dominated playgrounds, Christmases, and birthdays alike, kids were transfixed by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 to 1996) animated series. A toned down version of the original, far darker Mirage Comics publications, the “Heroes in a Half-Shell” were so popular that they spawned not just a series of live-action movies (of varying quality), but also additional comic book spin-offs, a beloved line of action figures, and a whole host of videogames. It was Konami’s efforts with the original TMNT arcade game that laid the foundation for some of the franchise’s most influential gaming ventures and the developers sought to expand upon those efforts with this equally beloved sequel. Bigger, better, and longer than its predecessor, much of Turtles in Time’s impact can be attributed to the surprisingly faithful home console port that wowed SNES gamers back in the day, and the game was so memorable that it received an unfairly lambasted 2.5D remake in 2009. Though ports of Turtles in Time have been sporadically available, its remake was de-listed from digital stores for the better part of eleven years, meaning Turtles in Time was (ironically) lost to time until it was included in this Cowabunga Collection for modern consoles alongside a host of other games and quality of life features. As both the arcade and SNES versions are included in this collection, and the differences between the two don’t really warrant two separate reviews, I’ll be including both versions in this review.

The Plot:
The Turtles leap into action when Krang steals the Statue of Liberty, only to be sent hurtling through time courtesy of a time warp activated by their archnemesis, Oroku Saki/The Shredder, forcing them to fight Shredder’s army in both the past and the future in order to get home.

Gameplay:
Like its predecessor, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time is a sidescrolling beat-‘em-up that supports up to four players; supposedly, two-player arcade cabinets were released and the arcade version never made it over to Japan, but this version of the game allows both on- and offline co-operative play, though the SNES version of the game is limited to two player simultaneous co-op. As ever, players can select from one of the four Ninja Turtles who all control exactly the same but play slightly differently depending on the reach of their weapons (putting Raphael at a disadvantage). Gameplay is limited to two primary buttons, with X allowing you to attack and string together basic combos and B letting you jump; you can press X in mid-air for a flying attack and press X and B together to perform a power attack that doesn’t seem to drain your health meter. Once again, you have no dash options or dashing attack, but you can now slam and hurl enemies about by hitting X when up close to them and you can pull off a “back attack” to fend off enemies attacking from behind.

Despite a dip in graphics, the SNES version holds up surprisingly well to its arcade counterpart.

Turtles in Time is much bigger and longer than the last game, sporting nine levels to play through, each of which being far livelier and with more opportunities to interact with the environment. You can hit traffic cones, hydrants, explosive barrels, and boxes of fireworks to take out enemies but, even better, onscreen hazards like wrecking balls can also damage enemies. Hazards like these are far more plentiful this time around, including loose floorboards, mines, and electrical bolts from turrets and Krang’s massive exosuit so it pays to keep your wits about you and not just charge blindly ahead. Gameplay is mixed up a bit with two levels dedicated to fast-paced, autoscrolling action, first on a hoverboard in Sewer Surfin’ and then on a floating disk in Neon Night Riders; your combat options remain the same here, but some enemies are a little harder to hit as they’re floating above you and you’ll need quick reflexes to dodge hazards like the spiked gates and mines. The SNES version offers not only an additional score bonus for these stages but even includes an extra level, complete with a traditional elevator gauntlet.

Graphics and Sound:
Visually, the game is very similar to its predecessor; I’m pretty sure the sprites are all exactly the same, bar maybe a few additional animations and enemy variants, but they’re just as colourful and full of life as before. Every character pops against the background, has some limited idle animation, and the likes of Splinter and April O’Neil (depending on which version you’re playing) will appear to hurry you along if you dawdle. Voice clips are used to great effect, especially in the arcade release, with the Turtles shrieking, “My toes! My noes!” when hurt by spikes and ending every stage with a triumphant cry of “Cowabunga!” alongside a victory animation. Voice samples are far sparser and more dulled in the SNES version, naturally, which relies more on subtitles and its own sound effects, but both games still perfectly capture the quirky and slapstick nature of the cartoon. The SNES version also presents a different version of the Neon Night Riders stage, with the action taking place from behind the characters and the stage tweaked to make use of the console’s “Mode 7” features.

The game is noticeably bigger than before, with the SNES version even boasting new features.

Environments are far more varied this time around; thanks to the time travel plot, the TMNT don’t just fight through the streets and sewers of New York City but are also transported back to a prehistoric jungle (complete with shimmering heat effects from the lava and a cave full of falling stalactites), a pirate ship full of loose planks, a speeding train in the Old West, and the neon streets of the far-flung future! Levels are noticeably longer and with more enemies, with no visible slowdown, though the SNES version is automatically slower since you can’t activate a “Turbo Mode” to speed things up. The SNES version of the game does add a whole new Technodrome level, however, and swaps some bosses around, even replacing one entirely with one of my favourite villains from the series. Both versions of the game use big, colourful art to tell their story, with the SNES version offering different endings depending on the difficulty setting you played on. Finally, while the SNES version features some popping tunes and a decent rendition of the TMNT theme song, the arcade version impresses with its funky, adrenaline-pumping soundtrack and even boasts a rendition of “Pizza Power” for its introduction sequence.

Enemies and Bosses:
As is tradition for a TMNT videogame, you’ll primarily be fighting your way through hordes of robotic Foot Soldiers; these come in all different colours and variants, from the regular, easily dispatched purple ones to weapon-wielding goons garbed in red, silver, or yellow. These guys will toss shuriken at you, stab at you with spears and swords, toss giant bombs, or swing axes; they also come flying in on dinosaurs, charge at you on fire-breathing Velociraptors, and pilot flying machines. Robots also return as notable enemies, with one wildly swinging its boxing gloves at you, though you’ll only encounter Mousers in the SNES version of the game. There are some new enemies in Turtles in Time, too, including the Xenomorph-like Pizza Monsters and the Rock Soldiers, who charge at you and wield high-powered weapons of their own.

Bosses are more visually varied, especially in the SNES version.

Also, as is to be expected, some of the TMNT’s most recognisable foes return to dog you as end of level bosses. The first you’ll encounter is Baxter Stockman, now mutated into his human fly form; Baxter hovers overhead firing at you with a machine gun, only to switch to sending out plasma fists after you’ve damaged him enough. At the end of Alleycat Blues, you’ll battle Metalhead, who attacks from a distance with his extendable arms and legs and flies at you courtesy of a rocket-powered kick, though he has a tendency to stop and gloat and leave himself open to a counterattack. Sewer Surfin’ doesn’t feature a boss in the arcade version, instead forcing you to fend of a swarm of Pizza Monsters, but you’ll take on the Rat King in the SNES version, which is much more interesting and exciting as he’s in his little hovercraft and fires missiles and mines at you. Similarly, you face the underwhelming Cement Man in the arcade version of the Prehistoric Turtlesaurus level, with the mud-like goon sliming about the place and trapping you in mud, but the SNES version replaces him with Slash! This deranged doppelgänger is far more formidable, slashing at you with his jagged blade and spinning about the place as a whirling shell of bladed fury, making him a far worthier adversary.

Boss battles feature different phases and more formidable attack patterns this time.

After battling across the deck of a pirate ship, you’ll face both Tokka and Rahzar; while they simple charge, swipe, and hop about in the arcade version, they’re much more formidable in the SNES version, where they appear in the new Technodrome stage and sport flame and freezing breath and act as sub-bosses. In the SNES version of the pirate ship level, Bepop and Rocksteady take Tokka and Rahzar’s place; garbed in theme-appropriate attire, they attack you with a whip and sword, respectively. The hulking Leatherhead awaits at the end of the train stage, scurrying about the place, lashing at you with his tail, and tossing daggers your way, while you’ll go one-on-one with Krang while racing through the futuristic streets of 2020 A.D. Krang’s a lot less of a threat compared to the last game, dashing at you with a kick, smacking you with a clap attack, and firing missiles from his chest, but he resurfaces in the Technodrome stage. Now flying a UFO, he drops Mousers into the arena and teleports about to avoid your attacks, but the SNES version also adds a bubble-like projectile to his arsenal and has him more erratically which, in conjunction with his height, can make him a difficult target.

The Shredder is far more persistent and dangerous in the SNES version of the game.

Naturally, you’ll also do battle with the TMNT’s mortal enemy, the Shredder. However, in the SNES version of the game, you actually battle him twice and the final battle is noticeably different in both versions. The first time you face him is at the end of the new Technodrome level, where he hops behind the controls of some unseen giant mech and blasts at you with bullets while swiping with a retractable claw arm in perhaps one of the game’s most memorable boss battles. To defeat the Shredder, you need to avoid his targeting reticule and hurl Foot Soldiers at him in a fun bit of innovation, though this can be tricky to do due to poor visibility and the sheer number of enemies and projectiles. The Shredder awaits in the final stage of the game, too, where the Statue of Liberty looms in the background; in the arcade version, he attacks with his sword and martial arts skills while also sending out plasma hands similar to Baxter and once again sporting an instant death regression blast that turns you back into a regular turtle. In the SNES version, Shredder immediately transforms into his far more formidable Super Shredder form; protected by a flaming aura, Super Shredder sends fireballs flying your way, shoots flames along the ground, and fires bolts into the air while dashing about the screen at breakneck speed.

Power-Ups and Bonuses:
Unfortunately, for all the additions Turtles in Time sports, power-ups are not one of them. You can still replenish your health with the odd pizza box but the only other power-up available to pick up is a bomb pizza item that sends you into a frenzy for a few seconds.

Additional Features:
As is to be expected, the arcade release is limited in its options; you can play with up to four other players both on- and offline and try to out-do your last high score, but there’s not much else on offer beyond playing through this awesome game as a different character. The SNES version might have taken a graphical hit but actually boasts a few interesting additional features: you can go head-to-head against a friend in versus mode, take on three courses in a time trial mode, pick from three difficulty settings (with different continues and endings assigned to each), set your maximum number of lives, and enjoy the benefits of a sound test. You can also pick between two colour schemes, “Comic” and “Animation”, which gives the TMNT new colour palettes, which is a nice touch. Naturally, the Cowabunga Collection adds a number slew of extra features to the list, however; first, you’ll gain a 70G Achievement for finishing each game, you can use the Left Bumper to rewind, and use the Right Bumper to access save states and display options. The arcade version can be further enhanced with a level select, God Mode (which makes you invincible and allows one-hit kills on most enemies and bosses), the removal of the penalty bombs that kill you if you linger about, and the ability to activate the far harder “Nightmare Mode” and speed things up with Turbo Mode. The SNES version isn’t lacking in similar options, boasting a level select and additional lives, while also providing every boss with a helpful life meter. Even better, you’ll still get your Achievements even with these enhancements activated and you can again peruse a strategy guide, switch between the American and Japanese versions (with minimal differences that I could see), view the game’s box art and manuals, and even choose to simply watch the game play itself.

The Summary:
There’s a reason Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time is remembered so fondly; it really was the quintessential TMNT videogame at the time, taking everything that was so good about the original arcade release and expanding on it with larger, more varied stages and far more interesting boss battles. While the gameplay remains very much the same and there’s a distinct and disappointing lack of power-ups, the game is much more enjoyable than its predecessor, offering more enemies and more visually interesting environments to battle through. The SNES release, while noticeably lacking in visual and audio quality, is a surprisingly faithful recreation of its arcade counterpart; sporting some nifty additional features and new levels and bosses, it’s easy to see why it was a must-have game for the system back in the day. The Cowabunga Collection only adds to the appeal of both games, offering numerous quality of life options to make gameplay a breeze and preserving these two classic arcade beat-‘em-ups for a whole new generation. There may be better beat-‘em-up titles out there, with more gameplay variety, more power-ups, and more options available, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles videogames didn’t get much better than Turtles in Time when it was released and it’s a joy to see it more readily available so others can experience the fast-paced, action-packed pick-up-and-play thrill of these simplistic brawlers.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Did you ever play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time out in the wild? How do you think it compares to other TMNT videogames and similar arcade fighters? Did you own the SNES version? If so, what did you think to the new levels and bosses and were you impressed with the conversion from the arcade original? Which of the characters was your go-to and which of the game’s bosses was your favourite? What did you think to the additional features added to the Cowabunga Collection? Which of the four Turtles is your favourite (and why is it Raphael?) Whatever your thoughts, I’d love to hear your memories of Turtles in Time down in the comments or on my social media!

Game Corner [X-Men Day]: X-Men: The Official Game (Xbox 360)

Dr. K1 Comment

To commemorate, the culmination of their long-running and successful X-Men movies, 20th Century Fox declared May 13th as “X-Men Day”, a day to celebrate all things Mutant and X-Men and celebrate Marvel’s iconic collection of superpowered beings who fight to protect a world that hates and fears them.

Released: 16 May 2006
Developer: Z-Axis
Also Available For: Game Boy Advance, GameCube, Nintendo DS, PC, PlayStation 2, Xbox

The Background:
Ever since Stan Lee and long-time collaborator Jack Kirby created the X-Men in 1963, Mutants have featured prominently in Marvel Comics and grew to greater mainstream prominence thanks to the influential animated series from the nineties, the success of which led to 20th Century Fox purchasing the film rights and producing a successful long-running live-action franchise. The X-Men have also have a storied history in pixels and polygons; the Mutant team first came to life on the Nintendo Entertainment System in what was essentially a vertical shooter, but the characters arguably saw the most success in their numerous arcade ventures and team-based brawlers. To coincide with the release of X-Men: The Last Stand (Ratner, 2006), publisher Activision was tasked with creating a tie-in videogame to be released across all available platforms and bridge the gap between X2: X-Men 2 (Singer, 2003) and the third entry. However, just as X-Men: The Last Stand was critically panned, X-Men: The Official Game failed to impress with its poor enemy A.I., repetitive gameplay, and for being little more than a shameless cash-in.

The Plot:
Still reeling from the death of Doctor Jean Grey, Logan/Wolverine, Bobby Drake/Iceman, and Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler find themselves coming into conflict with the radical terrorist group known as Hydra, who have been constructing gigantic, Mutant-hunting Sentinels, and are forced to confront (and team up with) some of their worst enemies to stop the program before it can be fully completed.

Gameplay:
X-Men: The Official Game is a third-person action game with three distinct gameplay styles split across its three playable characters, Wolverine, Iceman, and Nightcrawler, who embark on an adventure that takes place soon after the events of X-Men 2 and fills the gap between that film and X-Men: The Last Stand to explain why Nightcrawler is missing from the team in the third movie. While the levels in X-Men: The Official Game are pretty linear, the developers furnished players with a helpful mini map which indicates friendly non-playable characters (NPCs), enemies, and points you in the direction of your next objective/s. There are a few branching paths you can sometimes take, either by smashing through walls and windows as Wolverine or teleporting to higher areas as Nightcrawler, but these generally just lead to a collectible and it is actually pretty easy to get turned around as everything looks very similar. Although each character has a distinct way of playing, there are some similarities between all three: both Wolverine and Nightcrawler can jump with A and dish out attacks and combos with X and Y, Nightcrawler and Iceman can both target foes with the Left Trigger, and all three will automatically heal from minor wounds (though Wolverine and Nightcrawler and able to dramatically speed this up by holding the Left Bumper or pressing the Right Bumper, respectively, whenever it’s safe to do so, though any movement at all will cancel out this healing boost).

Slice through enemies as Wolverine, teleport about as Nightcrawler, and slide around as Iceman.

Wolverine’s gameplay is very much that of a hack-and-slash brawler; however, fans of genre-defining titles like the God of War series (Various, 2005 to present) will be left disappointed as Wolverine is quite a clunky and limited character thanks to the presentation and camera angles offered by this game. With a tap of LB, Wolverine can sheath and unsheathe his claws (which is more of an Easter Egg than anything), which he can use to slash at the multitude of minions who come charging at him in any given level. Using combinations of X, Y, and B (which pushes enemies away), Wolverine can string together some basic combos; he can also block incoming attacks by holding the Left or Right Trigger (and you can flick the analogue stick while blocking to pull off an awkward dodge roll to try and get away from sticky situations), and successfully landing attacks will build up his “Fury Meter” which, when full, powers up your attacks and healing for a short time with a press of the Right Bumper. Nightcrawler has similar capabilities in combat, but his levels are much more focused on platforming with his signature teleport and a bit of semi-stealth. Nightcrawler can also string together punches and kicks for combos, but you’re best served using his relocation attack; pressing B sees him automatically teleport behind the nearest enemy to pummel them with X or smash them with Y, which is great for taking out groups of enemies quickly. RT allows Nightcrawler to teleport to a variety of surfaces, from pipes to bridges and walkways, and is great for quickly traversing areas and getting to consoles or control panels which need rewiring with X. Of the three, Iceman is the most unique as he’s constantly moving forwards on an ice slide and his levels play much more like chasers or dogfight simulators. Holding A lets Iceman boost ahead, while RT brakes and RB allows him to flip around quickly to retarget enemies. X unleashes an ice beam, which is great for freezing up pipes or putting out fires, while B tosses out his Hailstorm attack and Y puts up a temporary frost shield. You’ll need to constantly tap LT and B when faced with multiple targets, but Iceman’s levels are much more geared towards preventing catastrophes or reaching a goal and are often accompanied by an anxiety-inducing time limit.

Whether you’re fighting a gauntlet, repairing consoles, or facing a time limit, things get very tedious.

The game’s story mode is laid out in a linear mission-based structure; at various points, the narrative branches off to follow each of the three characters and, prior to starting a mission, you can pick from three difficulty settings: “Novice”, “Hero”, and “Superhero”. These will dictate how tough the enemies are, with enemies on “Superhero” able to whittle your health to nothing in just a few hits or under sustained gunfire, but there are perks to completing the mission on higher difficulties as you earn more “Mutation Evolutions” on these settings. These power-up each character’s stats, raising such attributes as their overall health, the damage their attacks deal, and their health and energy recovery, and the only way you’ll only be able to max out your abilities is by beating every mission on “Superhero” mode. This, however, is easier said than done; the game is very stingy with its checkpoints, meaning that failure to complete some of the game’s more monotonous tasks requires you to start the mission over right from the beginning. Following glorified training missions for each character, you’ll be thrust into the game’s story mode and, very quickly, will see everything X-Men: The Official Game has to offer. Wolverine will pretty much always be tasked with clearing away all enemies, with wave upon wave teleporting in or rushing in through doors, though he sometimes has to dodge hazards such as flaming vents and cages or destroy something in order to progress. Nightcrawler almost always has to teleport about the claustrophobic environments, activating panels or rewiring stuff, and occasionally luring exploding probes to power nodes or Sentinels to open doors. Iceman is either racing towards something or fending off attacks, often against a time limit; this means you’ll be dousing fires and cooling down nuclear reactors with your ice beam or chasing down an enemy or towards a goal before time runs out. Occasionally, another X-Men appears to help out; Ororo Munroe/Storm accompanies Wolverine and Nightcrawler you can have her instantly kill all enemies with her lightning by pressing in the left stick, while Nightcrawler also has to deactivate shields so that Piotr “Peter” Rasputin/Colossus can destroy some power generators, but Iceman has no such help when desperately trying to stop Giant Sentinels from marching on the downed X-Jet. Sometimes Iceman will have to slide through “nav points” (essentially glorified rings) and avoid laser hazards and mines, sometimes Wolverine’s locked in a room and forced to fight a gauntlet of enemies, and sometimes Nightcrawler has to destroy glowing crystals to keep enemies from spawning, but it’s all very repetitive and your objectives tend to be to do something once and then repeat it three or four times until the mission abruptly ends.

Graphics and Sound:  
In all honesty, X-Men: The Official Game doesn’t look all that bad; the in-game graphics are pretty decent, with stylistic versions of the film characters well represented for the most part, though the range of animation offered by the three is somewhat lacklustre. Of them all, Nightcrawler looks the best; I love his little coat and how he spins around on poles with a flourish and sometimes gallops on all fours, and it’s a stark contrast to Iceman, who is either relatively static due to his gameplay or ragdolling all over the place when knocked from his slide. Wolverine looks good, but his gameplay is tedious and clunky and severely hampered by the lack of a lunge attack, though he does gain some extra animation frames when in Fury Mode or trying to pounce on larger enemies. The game’s music is pretty decent; it’s mostly all ripped from X-Men: The Last Stand, and many of the film’s cast return to voice their respective characters. In fact, the vocal work may be one of the best things about this game; it’s great hearing Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart not only reprise their roles but do it without the lifelessness and boredom that so often accompanies videogame tie-ins.

While the game’s later locations become more visually interesting, the cutscenes are a cheap let down.

Sadly, the same praise can’t be levelled at the game’s environments and cutscenes. Cutscenes are accomplished using a motion comic aesthetic not unlike those employed at various points in games by NetherRealm Studios; these painted pictures have a very limited range of movement, no lip synching, and the cutscenes come off as cheap and rushed and quite unsightly as a result. The in-game environments are okay, but disappointingly bland; the whole game makes a clear effort to evoke the grey, grounded, semi-sci-fi aesthetic of Singer’s films but there’s generally not really much to see since areas are so linear and empty. You’ll get to fight on the Statue of Liberty in a call-back to the first film and revisit the surprisingly unflooded Alkali Lake facility from the second film and the Weapon X laboratory, all of which are very well realised interpretations of the film locations but are so grey and drab that even cheeky references to Wade W. Wilson/Deadpool can’t save them. Thankfully, once the game gets away from recreating areas from X-Men 2, locations become a bit more visually interesting; the Sentinel factory is great, with a massive Sentinel head looming in the background, as are the colourful levels that take Wolverine to an elaborate Japanese palace and garden grounds, but the game really shines once you get into the Master Mold’s control centre, a gigantic airship full of electrified wires and ominous dread that evokes the Borg Cube. Iceman’s chase through the streets of Hong Kong is similarly a visual spectacle thanks to the neon signs, bridges, and skyscrapers, all of which helps to really elevate the game’s presentation after the first few drab missions and despite the tedious gameplay.

Enemies and Bosses:
With such varied and colourful characters as the X-Men and the Brotherhood to work with, it’s no surprise that the developers chose to mainly have you wade through an endless supply of generic and boring Hydra thugs. These guys come packing machine guns, electrified axes and lances, and claws and can mostly be taken out with some quick combos but some will block your attacks. For Wolverine, things get a little more interesting as he gets to battle the Hydra “Wind Unit” (who are basically ninjas with two katana), while Iceman is often blasting at smaller Sentinels or fire dragons conjured by John Allerdyce/Pyro. Nightcrawler will also have to deal with Sentinels but he can only take them out by teleporting to them and luring explosive drones to them before the robots can blast him off with a shockwave. Later, Nightcrawler is placed in a nightmarish illusion by Jason Stryker and forced to battle off teleporting demonic entities, and you’ll also encounter Hydra goons packing bazookas and heavy cannons in some levels. For the most part, the enemy AI is pretty dumb; they’ll easily lose track of you and won’t think to go around certain obstacles, but in wider, more open areas they can be incredibly annoying and persistent, catching you in a crossfire or swarming around you to deplete your health in seconds while you desperately try to escape to safety.

No matter who Wolverine faces, the same hit-and-run tactics will always serve you well.

Each character also has to deal with a number of bosses, with some fought multiple times in different forms. During Wolverine’s first training mission, you’ll battle against Victor Creed/Sabretooth to learn the basics of combat; Sabretooth makes a return as the final boss of the game, too, where he’s fought within the decaying remains of the Master Mold facility and significantly more powerful even against your upgraded stats. Sabretooth charges at you with a shoulder barge, can hit slow but powerful combos, grabs and lunges at you, and even has his own Fury Mode that speeds him up and makes him more aggressive. Still, the best thing to do is to avoid his attacks, hit a quick combo, and then stay out of his reach to build up your Fury Meter before unleashing it (avoiding pressing Y as this lunge isn’t effective against him) to whittle down his health bar. Halfway through the fight, Sabretooth flees to a lower level, where debris is a concern for both you and him, and you’ll also have to worry about his health slowly replenishing if you take too long, but he’s not especially difficult to put down. Yuriko Oyama/Lady Deathstrike makes a return in this game and you’ll battle her a couple of times, too; the first time you fight her, it’s within the eye of a hurricane and you have to be careful of being blasted about by the winds while also pushing her into the hazard, and the second time is within a Japanese temple and forces you to fend off waves of enemies between rounds. Still, Lady Deathstrike may be faster and nimbler than Sabretooth, but the same hit-and-run tactics work well against her and it’s much easier to get her trapped in a corner and just go at her full pelt until she goes down. Wolverine’s toughest foe is easily the Silver Samurai; this hulking armoured bastard can teleport about, has great reach with his broadsword, doesn’t get stunned by your attacks, and can send out both energy blades and electrified shockwaves and forces you to fight his minions between bouts. Once again, simply run or dodge about to avoid the brunt of his attacks and build up your Fury Meter and then just tank him as he’s a bit of a damage sponge and can easily cut you down with just a few swipes of his sword.

Nightcrawler and Iceman generally have to fulfill other objectives while fighting their bosses.

Nightcrawler only gets one boss to fight against, but it’s one of the more frustrating ones in the game; while on the rainswept Brooklyn Bridge, he and Storm must fend off clones of James Madrox/Multiple Man while teleporting about the place and defusing his many bombs against a time limit. Afterwards, Nightcrawler has to battle him alone and more directly; the “prime” Multiple Man will occasionally set an explosive charge and, if enough of them go off, the bridge will be destroyed and you’ll lose the mission but try and disarm them and you’ll be beaten to death in seconds by his ceaseless doubles. Your best bet is to stay on the move, dashing to safety and healing when you can, and hoping that he doesn’t set any of these charges (or quickly interrupt him before he can). The hardest thing about this battle, though, is actually dealing damage to Multiple Man; he seems either impervious to your attacks or only hurt after you take out his clones, which can be hard to do as they swarm around you, making for a boss battle more about luck than anything. Iceman primarily battles against Pyro; first, Pyro tries to burn down and destroy a fission plant, then he tries to overload a nuclear reactor, and then he conjures  a gigantic fire serpent to target the toxic waste canisters. If enough of these are destroyed, the mission ends so make sure you’re rapidly switching target locks and throwing out your Hailstorms to take out the fire dragons. The serpent itself is also quite a damage sponge, and can set you ablaze if you get too close, but if you power-up Iceman’s Hailstorm attack that makes things a lot easier. Definitely his hardest challenge is stopping a seemingly endless army of Giant Sentinels from destroying the X-Jet in Hong Kong; these huge armoured hulks can only be destroyed by targeting six yellow power nodes, but the ones on the front are super hard to hit not just because of aiming difficulties but also because of their high-powered lasers. Destroy one, and another drops soon after, and another, and this was the first mission where I actively had to drop the difficulty down to “Novice” to get past it and even then it was a pain in the ass!

Power-Ups and Bonuses:
Unfortunately, there are no collectible power-us available here. Wolverine and Nightcrawler can built meters (either by landing attacks or waiting for it to charge, respectively) to speed up their healing but the closest Iceman gets is destroying Sentinels to gain extra time until fifteen are taken out. As mentioned, Storm and Colossus will accompany you for some missions; Storm can unleash her lightning, but you’ll need to wait for her meter to fill up too, and you’ll also need to get back to help Colossus fend off the Hydra goons before they deal too much damage to him.

Additional Features:
There are sixteen Achievements up for grabs here, with three insulting 0G Achievements awarded after clearing each character’s training mission, three more being rewarded for completing the story mode’s three vaguely defined acts, and three more earned after fully upgrading each characters Mutations. You’ll no doubt notice a few collectibles in each level of the game; every mission hides five Sentinel Tech files and one Weapon X file, and collecting all of these for each character will award another three Achievements and also unlock a bonus costume for each character and a “Danger Room Challenge” for each. Unfortunately, while these collectibles aren’t too difficult to find even without a guide, the rewards you get are pretty pathetic; the costumes are little more than street clothes variants and just having one each is more than a disappointment, it’s a travesty. The Danger Room Challenges amount to timed obstacle courses and challenges used to test your character’s gameplay and abilities, but you earn nothing for completing them so there’s no point in them even being there. Aside from all that, your only other option is to try and beat every mission on “Superhero” to fully upgrade every character, something you won’t really be motivated to do since the gameplay is so uninspiring that even the promise of cutting down goons dressed in Wolverine’s signature wife-beater won’t be incentive enough to ever play this game again.

The Summary:
I tend to go into movie tie-in videogames with pretty low expectations; while I’ve played a fair amount that are pretty good, there’s no denying that they’re generally very rushed, lacking in content, and don’t have a lot going for them. On the plus side, they can sometimes be quite cheap and have some easy-to-snag Achievements, and that’s basically what you’re getting here with X-Men: The Official Game. There’s some decent stuff on offer here; Nightcrawler, especially, is pretty fun to play as and I enjoyed teleporting about the place and pummelling enemies with his attacks, and even Iceman was quite fun in the few missions where you weren’t forced to battle against an arbitrary time limit. Sadly, and most confusingly, it’s Wolverine’s gameplay that really drags this one down; he’s very restricted in his offense and the lack of checkpoints really makes getting through some missions, but especially his tedious gauntlets, a frustrating chore. Awful cutscenes aside, the presentation is pretty good; the game makes a decent attempt at recreating iconic locations from the first two films while infusing a more comic book aesthetic and storyline into the movie timeline, but locations are far too bland and repetitive to really be all that interesting, even in the latter parts of the game. Bosses battles are equally uninspiring; thanks to Wolverine getting the bulk of them, they’re hardly a selling point of the game’s few strengths and, overall, there are far better superhero and action videogames out there for you to put your time into. A serious lack of options, unlockables, and replayability hamper this title; while it’s not too difficult to blast through it in about four to six hours, it’s unlikely you’ll be motivated to try and get everything you miss the first time around and, despite a few entertaining aspects, it remains a cheap cash grab designed solely to leech off the popularity of Fox’s X-Men films rather than actually trying to be an entertaining videogame experience in and of itself.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Did you enjoy X-Men: The Official Game? Which of the three characters was your favourite? Did you enjoy the game’s effort to bridge the gap between X-Men 2 and X-Men: The Last Stand? Which of the game’s missions and bosses was your favourite and do you feel like Sentinels are a little overdone in Marvel games? Did you ever fully upgrade the characters and find all the collectibles? Were you disappointed by the lack of options and unlockable extras? What’s the worst (or best) videogame tie-in you’ve ever played? Which X-Men videogame is your favourite and how are you celebrating X-Men Day today? Whatever you think about X-Men: The Official Game, and X-Men in general, feel free to share your thoughts below or leave a comment on my social media.