The Review: Rather than being a spin-off of the original film or one of its sequels or crafting a new story about an entirely separate avatar, The Crow: Stairway to Heaven is essentially a retelling of the first film (and, by extension, the original comic book), though one heavily toned down for television. This pilot episode is basically a truncated do-over of the movie, especially Eric Draven/The Crow’s (Mark Dacascos) origin and his initial quest for revenge and serves to establish the status quo that subsequent episodes follow. Therefore, the film open one year to the day after rock musician Eric and his photographer girlfriend, Shelly Webster (Sabine Karsenti), were attacked and killed on Halloween night. The episode opens with Eric in what appears to be limbo, a forest-like afterlife where he wanders, confused and lost, until a mysterious crow guides him to Shelly’s spirit. It’s Shelly who gives Eric his mission to put the wrong things right and compels him to dive into the abyss, returning to Vancouver Detroit during the Day of the Dead festival rather than dramatically clawing out of his grave (though his coffin is later revealed to be empty). Though confused about what he is, Eric wanders with only revenge in mind yet instinctively helps a woman (Unknown) being accosted by her man (Unknown) before returning to his ransacked and abandoned loft apartment, where his memories of his past happiness with Shelly reach a boiling point.
While his physicality is on point, Mark Dacascos lacks the screen presence to do the character justice.
Overcome with grief and anguish, Eric lashes out, breaking a mirror and injuring himself. He watches, stunned, as the wounds heal instantaneously and is wracked by momentary pain as his rage consumes him, transforming his face into a clown-like visage. Realising that his strange un-life has granted him supernatural powers (accelerated healing, an empathic touch, and the crow’s vision), Eric drapes himself in black attire and heads to Gideon’s (Marcus Hondro) pawn shop to retrieve Shelly’s engagement ring, terrifying the no-good pawnbroker so bad that he gives up the names of those responsible for killing Eric and Shelly. While Mark Dacascos lacks the same screen charisma as Brandon Lee, he does a decent job of portraying Eric. He’s soft spoken and sullen, conveying a lot of emotion with his eyes, and seems to be enjoying the role, spouting off cryptic rhetoric with a mocking smirk. Dacascos may be a small guy but he’s an accomplished martial artist, which really helps sell the legitimacy of the episode’s fight scenes. Sadly, these aren’t shot very well but it’s impressive seeing Dacascos flip and kick his opponents without annoying camera cuts to stuntmen and obvious stand-ins. Eric’s a little different to his filmic counterpart in that Detective Daryl Albrecht (Marc Gomes) reveals he’s been known for his temper. This quickness to anger seems to fuel his transformation into the Crow as much as his grief, though these aspects are only briefly touched upon here (at least until the episode’s end). I quite liked the transformation aspect to show Eric being consumed by his emotions, and he’s not portrayed as unstoppable. Bullets and wounds can hurt and slow him, allowing his victims to escape, which ties into an overall theme of Eric being blinded by vengeance. His blood (which he’s also seen crying) appears black and turns to ash, too, which I thought was a nice touch.
While Sarah struggles with her mum, Albrecht obsesses over his unsolved cases.
Detective Albrecht is a little different here. He’s got a reputation for “open cases” and has worked the Draven/Webster murder for a year with no leads or arrests. His tendency to become obsessed with such cases frustrates his superior, Lieutenant David Vincennes (Jon Cuthbert), who demands facts rather than wild theories. Albrecht has apparently spent most of the year helping to care for young Sarah Mohr (Katie Stuart), a streetwise kid who was a friend of Eric and Shelly whose mother, Darla Mohr (Lynda Boyd), is a neglectful alcoholic who hangs out with “T-Bird” (John Tench), Mark Tremayne/Tin Tin (Darcy Laurie), and especially George Jamieson/Funboy (Ty Olsson). Sarah’s done pretty well here: she doesn’t stand for her mother’s crap, barely flinches when the goons wave their guns around, and even gives T-Bird backtalk when he tries to threaten her. She’s amazed when Eric turns up alive and is startled by his dramatic change in character. She misses him and Shelly deeply but can tell that something’s changed in Eric because of how he talks and acts. Oddly, despite Shelly also wanting Shelly’s killers to pay, Sarah convinces Eric not to murder the gang’s leader, Jason Danko/Top Dollar (John Pyper-Ferguson), at the episode’s end since it’s not what Shelly would want. Strangely, Eric agrees, preferring to render Top Doller a babbling lunatic by forcing him to experience the pain of all his victims, despite the fact that Shelly told him to set things right and him knowing that his soul cannot rest until they’re avenged. I wasn’t too impressed with Albrecht here either. When he encounters Eric, he arrests and interrogates him, believing that he snapped and killed Shelly and an assumed lover in a crime of passion, making their relationship much frostier than in the movie. Darla, meanwhile, has very much the same character arc as ever, only with booze instead of drugs, and is finally convinced to start turning her life around after an encounter with the Crow.
Top Dollar and his crew are shadows of their filmic counterparts.
While Eric targets Top Dollar’s crew, there are less of them here and the execution is markedly different. Tin Tin is just some punk-ass gang member who gives Albrecht lip and helps lure him into an ambush to stop his investigation. Luckily for Albrecht, the Crow shows up instead. Like in the comics, Eric confronts Funboy and has him spread the word that “The Crow” is coming for him and his party pals, who are puzzled and aghast when Eric shrugs off their attacks. In this story, Shelly was killed because someone above Top Dollar ordered Eric to be murdered, which was supposed to be framed as a suicide, setting up an ongoing mystery for the show. Although T-Bird is still Top Dollar’s number one guy, he’s got far less presence here (a theme for this episode and show). He’s chastised by Top Dollar for filming their attack on Eric and Shelly, and mentioning the big man’s name, and feels much more like a main henchman than a dastardly villain in his own right. Top Dollar is equally unimpressive, desperately trying to give off a tough-guy aura and failing, even when wielding a sword. His gimmick is taking mementos from his victims, which comes back to bite him when Eric uses them to drive Top Dollar mad from his victims’ pain. Overall, the villains were merely shadows of their film and comic counterparts, with none of their performances particularly standing out and their effectiveness neutered by the toothless representation of the story.
Final Thoughts: I watched a couple of episodes of The Crow: Stairway to Heaven back in the day and was always tempted to get the complete series DVD as I heard it was pretty good and it has some interesting concepts. However, after being burned by the sequels and the remake, I decided not to and I think that was the right decision. I’m impressed by how faithful the episode sticks to the aesthetic of the movie. While most of the episode is shot in the day, Eric’s loft is visually very similar (if smaller and cheaper), and the Crow’s look is very much a copy of Brandon Lee’s design. I like the transformation aspect and the wrinkles that Eric has a temper, though I wasn’t a fan of toning down his crusade to simply make his killers suffer rather than killing them. Albrecht needed some work (he strikes me as a character who improves throughout the show) but I liked Sarah’s streetwise attitude and even enjoyed the truncated retelling of the film. The episode feels oddly paced, however. It might’ve been better to be a more action-packed episode after about ten minutes, dropping Eric’s time at the police station and having him murder Tin Tin, only for Funboy, T-Bird, and especially Top Dollar to escape. Then Eric could’ve hunted them down over subsequent episodes to complete his mission. As is, it felt weird to jump straight to his confrontation with Top Dollar, which was clunky and awkward despite Mark Dacascos’ obvious fighting prowess. I am intrigued to watch more of the show, but the bar isn’t set very high here. I absolutely feel The Crow could work as a television or streaming show, but it’d need to be a lot darker and more violent to really pull it off. This does a decent enough job, I guess, but it needed more of an edge to stick the landing.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
Did you enjoy The Crow: Stairway to Heaven? Do you think it translated the concept well or were you annoyed by how toothless it was? Were you a fan of the transformation gimmick? Would you have preferred to see a new avatar be the show’s focus? Which of The Crow’s sequels was your favourite and would you like the see a new, ore violent television adaptation? How are you celebrating Devil’s Night tonight? Whatever you think about The Crow, leave a comment down below and donate to my Ko-Fi if you’d like to see me over more episodes of this show.
Asterix the Gaul (and his best friend Obelix) first debuted on 29 October 1959 as a serial in the French/Belgium magazine Pilote. Since then, the plucky Gauls have had many adventures in comic books, videogames, and feature-length productions. This year, I’m spending a few days celebrating this popular and enduring character.
Released: 21 November 2019 Developer: OSome Studio Metacritic Scores: 59 / 5.1
Also Available For: PC, Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, Xbox Series S
Gameplay and Power-Ups: Unlike its predecessors, Asterix & Obelix XXL 3: The Crystal Menhir is a top down, somewhat isometric brawler rather than a third person beat-‘em-up. As ever, players control Asterix and/or Obelix (aided by Dogmatix) and visit some familiar locations across the ancient world, this time to rescue the mystic Avina Gandir and empower her magic Snæfellhelgajökull (the titular Crystal Menhir). The game allows for drop-in/drop-out two-player co-op and lacks a traditional life system, though the generous respawns and checkpoints are waved whenever you’re fighting through heavily fortified Roman camps. Players attack Romans with X, executing simple combos with successive presses, interact with the environment or talk to non-playable characters (NPCs) with A, and perform a “forward jump” with B. This replaces a traditional jump and sees the two half-heartedly roll/charge ahead to cross gaps, with Asterix travelling further than his rotund pal, and also acts as a dodge. This is a finicky system that unnecessarily grounds the two Gauls, forcing you to find alternative paths and ways to reach higher paths rather than just jumping like a normal person. You can switch characters with the Left Trigger and there are differences between the two beyond Obelix just being bigger and heavier. Asterix is small enough to squeeze through gaps, for example, and occasionally grabs torches to burn down ivy and such. Asterix also swigs magic potion with the Right Trigger (if you have some) to temporarily become faster and stronger (but not invincible). Obelix, meanwhile, can sic Dogmatic on enemies with RT and perform various environmental and elemental attacks with the Crystal Menhir.
The usual superhuman feats are joined by a magical menhir with elemental properties.
You do this by acquiring the Crystal Menhir and empowering it with shards, allowing you to open a menu with Y and hit either A, B, X, or Y to select a menhir power. Obelix can smash the menhir onto the ground or weak walls to uncover secrets, shortcuts, and goodies; or set Romans, torches, and branches alight; or freeze enemies into ice cubes; or reflect projectiles, attract enemies and collectible helmets, or move metal blocks and platforms. These abilities are primarily for puzzle solving, burning down ivy to reach levers, for example, or moving metal platforms so Asterix can reach higher ground. The game’s final chapters feature the most complex of these puzzles, with players needing to magnetically produce temporary platforms for Asterix to dash to while dodging hazards, meaning it’s probably better to play with a friend for these sections as it can be tricky switching back and forth when playing alone. Players also build an energy bar by pummelling enemies, allowing them to hold the Left Bumper and hit A, B, X, or Y to land a “special hit”. Sadly, there’s nothing to differentiate these between the characters except their aesthetics (Asterix uppercuts with his fist but Obelix uses the Crystal Menhir) so both will be uppercutting, spinning like a cyclone, charging ahead, or twirling Romans overhead before tossing them at enemies. As before, you must defeat Romans and smash a whole mess of crates to collect helmets. These are spent at various pop-up shops to increase your maximum health, energy, magic potion quota, and to acquire new combos and permanent buffs (though I found there was even less variety than usual). Players replenish health by beating up wild boar or finding roast boar or fruit baskets dotted about, boost their energy with lightning bolts, and can eventually fast travel to other countries using the map from the “View” button menu, which tracks your progress and unlockables.
Various environmental hazards and tricky puzzles test your mettle and may require a second player.
The Crystal Menhir has only superficial similarities to its predecessors, to the point where I question why it has the XXL title. Players explore a semi-open world, interacting with NPCs for primary and secondary missions (usually time trials or fighting challenges), and are often forced to fight waves of Romans to progress. This is nowhere near as aggravating as the previous games as you don’t fight nearly as many enemies, though combat doesn’t feel as versatile as the previous games. Players follow a largely linear path, travelling around each region until an NPC asks for help, which inevitably sees players storming a fortified Roman camp and receiving a score grade and plot-specific item upon completion. These can be difficult challenges as there are no checkpoints and few health power-ups. Romans can call for back-up and endlessly spawn from various tents, which must be destroyed. Usually, all nearby enemies must be bested to activate levers to lower gates, though players must smash through barricades, take higher and lower paths (avoiding falling into pits or water as both are fatal), use (or avoid) explosive barrels, and occasionally battle against a time limit. You must also protect Forfendrik and Razzledazzleus while they hide in vases, slide down frozen mountains in Thule, hop to waterspout platforms, and drain water from moats to help unsuspecting Roman NPCs in Rome. Icicle spikes, thorny vines, spikes floors and walls, and arrows are commonplace hazards, as are door mazes that have you going in circles looking for the right switch to lower a gate. When in Crete, you must sneak past the Romans stationed on the beach (easier said than done; I just froze them to cheese it in the end!) and then use your newly acquired magnetic shard to escape a labyrinth, dodging spinning barriers (which are often spiked) and flipping spiked panels. While the puzzles are simple and often repeated, I was left checking a guide here and there as it’s not always obvious what you must do, and many would be much easier if playing with a friend.
Presentation: It’s kind of hilarious to me that The Crystal Menhir got a physical release at it’s a much smaller and far simpler game than its predecessors and is presented very much as a digital-only title with its angled, overhead perspective and simplistic cutscenes. Rather than utilising pre-rendered cutscenes, animatic sequences, or even the in-game models, The Crystal Menhir opts for portrait art and text bubbles when characters are talking, adding to the low-budget feel. The voices seem to be the same as the last game, with Asterix still sounding Welsh for some reason, and characters assume idle poses when left alone; Dogmatix even frantically runs about yapping. The plot isn’t anything that hasn’t been done in hundreds of Asterix videogames but is given some spice with the Crystal Menhir, which Julius Caesar sends his lieutenant, returning villain Marcus Ginantonicus, to acquire, only for Marcus to go mad with power after stealing it and seek to usurp Caesar. Players explore the iconic Gaulish village and surrounding forest, chatting with familiar characters like wise druid Getafix, though most NPCs appear to be brand-new. The new visual style really suits the game; the camera is no longer an issue as it’s locked in place and environments are much more colourful and detailed due to the new perspective. Sadly, the music isn’t much to shout about, and I did encounter some odd glitches. The game crashed during the final boss, for one thing, and there were often times when characters froze, doors prematurely closed, or I became separated from my partner, forcing a reload. There are some fun Easter Eggs and visual touches, though, like Romans running around with their asses on fire or turning into ice cubes, Romans drying their laundry in camp, chickens and birds wandering about, and the landscape being littered with ruins from the Roman conquest.
Despite a budget presentation and lack of bosses, the game at least looks (and mostly plays) great.
Players begin in the Gaulish village and wander through the forest to the nearby Roman camps Petibonum and Aquarium. Both will be very familiar to Asterix fans and set the standard for the Roman camp challenges to come, featuring towering log walls, barricades, guard towers, camps, and barracks for the soldiers. Though phalanxes are absent this time, Romans patrol in groups and instantly attack upon sight, being blasted out of their sandals or sent crashing into the dirt from your attacks. You must destroy tents to stop reinforcements spawning and can use binoculars to check for upcoming hazards and must create or move platforms to get about. Soon after, you head to the beach to meet travelling Phoenician merchant Ekonomikrisis, who agrees to ferry you about (in cutscenes) after you help him. This takes you to Thule, a frosty, snowy island full of caves, icicles, waterspouts that blast you about, and slippery ice slides. You must dodge snowballs, avoid the frigid wind when crossing bridges to avoid plummeting to your death, and watch for explosive barrels when storming the Reykjavum camp. The vaguely Egyptian-themed Tyre bookends its missions with Roman camps, with players having to fight through Esohandsum to enter the city and sack Adenufofum to release a giant chain and set sail. When in Tyre, you pass through a narrow, bustling market square, meet the local resistance, take the high ground when opposing the Roman construction site, and help the locals when they’re attacked. Crete largely restricts you to a sprawling, boobytrapped labyrinth where you use magnetic platforms and blocks to reach the elevator. Naturally, your journey ends in Rome, where you bash Romans in Caesar’s prized gardens and courtyard, drain water and burn ivy to reach new areas, and battle past ostentatious statues and other tributes to the nation’s egotistical dictator.
Enemies and Bosses: Sadly, and somewhat ironically, The Crystal Menhir is the most disappointing of the XXL games I’ve played in terms of its enemy selection. While I decried the barrage of videogame-themed enemies in Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 (Étranges Libellules/OSome Studio, 2005/2018), The Crystal Menhir course corrects too far in the opposite direction and offers only a handful of somewhat boring enemies to wade through. You’ll face bog standard Legionnaires who attack in groups and wield pilums, get hit from afar by annoying archer Legionnaires and spear-throwers, and must target trumpeters to avoid reinforcements being spawned. Soon, these simple enemies are joined by shield-bearers, who must have their shields knocked away with an uppercut, and golden-clad, rotund Centurions who attack with swords. Finally, you battle tougher Legionnaires who carry shields and powerful maces, but that’s it. There are no Romans hiding in tree trunks, no flying enemies, no massive catapults or bizarre videogame homages, no gladiators, no Normans…just this handful of enemies. To make matters worse, there aren’t any true boss battles, either. Marcus Ginantonicus sets a few waves of enemies upon you, but that’s it until the finale, where Marcus steals the Crystal Menhir and attacks the Gauls’ village using a war machine. In this fight, you must ignore the endlessly spawning enemies and snag the Crystal Menhir from the machine’s claw with Obelix. You must then keep the menhir safe and attack the machine’s many claws when they come crashing down, which can be tricky due to the sheer number of enemies swarming the arena (though respawning health and power-ups are also present).
Additional Features: There are thirty-one Achievements in Asterix & Obelix XXL 3: The Crystal Menhir, with players earning one every time they clear a chapter, another for beating each of the game’s difficulty modes (which are stackable), and another for purchasing one and then all upgrades. You’ll get Achievements for holding 5000 and then 10,000 Roman helmets, defeating 500 and 1500 enemies, and for landing a 200-hit combo. Burn, freeze, stun, throw, and uppercut a bunch of Romans for some more, have an archer hit a target for another, and get a gold medal on every Roman camp challenge for another. As you explore, you’ll find Roman dice and Golden Laurels scattered and hidden about. Finding them all earns you more Achievements, though there are no unlockables beyond being able to freely replay any area with all your upgrades and putting down real-world cash for some skins.
Final Thoughts: Considering Asterix & Obelix XXL 3: The Crystal Menhir is, technically, a far less polished and complete game than its predecessors, you might be wondering with it’s getting a higher rating than the first two games. After all, there are no real bosses, the combat is quite simple and shallow, the cutscenes are disappointingly cheap, and you’re locked on a linear path rather than engaging in a sprawling, action-packed adventure. While it’s true I’m disappointed by the lack of enemy variety and boss battles, The Crystal Menhir was a very enjoyable game to look at and play. Many of the finicky, tedious aspects of the last two games are gone, replaced with some, arcade-style beat-‘em-up action and some challenging puzzles tied to the titular magic rock. I liked that Asterix and Obelix felt more distinct compared to the last two games (even if this was still lacking) and that I wasn’t forced to fight over a thousand enemies at once just to progress. It was bizarre not having a traditional jump, but I quite enjoyed trying to work out how to reach higher areas, even if it did get annoying. The environments weren’t doing anything new for an Asterix game, but I liked the NPCs and their optional missions and found the elemental abilities of the Crystal Menhir interesting (if underutilised). While the game can get quite challenging thanks to the Roman camps not having checkpoints and it’s annoying that you can’t swim, and some of the mechanics and technical aspects are dodgy at times, I largely enjoyed my time with this one. If you pick it up as a digital title in a sale, like I did, I’d say Asterix & Obelix XXL 3: The Crystal Menhir is well worth your time. While it’s flawed, I found it far less annoying than the last two games, so this is the one I’d be more likely to return to on higher difficulties.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Did you also find Asterix & Obelix XXL 3: The Crystal Menhir an improvement over the last two games or were you unimpressed by the new perspective? Did you like the Crystal Menhir and the new puzzle mechanics? Were you disappointed by the poor enemy variety and lack of bosses? Did you find all the dice and Golden Laurels? Which XXL game is your favourite and how are you celebrating Asterix this October? Share your thoughts on Asterix and his games below and support me on Ko-Fi to fund more Asterix content.
Asterix the Gaul (and his best friend Obelix) first debuted on 29 October 1959 as a serial in the French/Belgium magazine Pilote. Since then, the plucky Gauls have had many adventures in comic books, videogames, and feature-length productions. This year, I’m spending a few days celebrating this popular and enduring character.
Released: 29 November 2018 Originally Released: 30 September 2005 Developer: OSome Studio Original Developer: Étranges Libellules Metacritic Scores: 5.5 / 7.8
Also Available For: Nintendo DS, PC, PlayStation 2, PlayStation Portable/PSP (Original Version); Nintendo Switch, PC, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, Xbox Series S (Remaster)
Gameplay and Power-Ups: In a bid to finally to conquer Gaul, Julius Caesar builds the Las Vegum theme park to house the fearless warriors. When their druid Getafix apparently aids Caesar in kidnapping other druids, Asterix, Obelix, and Dogmatix travel to Las Vegum in Rome on a rescue mission, bashing videogame-themed Roman soldiers across six themed areas. Like its predecessor, Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 is a single-player 3D brawler that sees you attacking with a quick combo with X, jumping with A (pressing it again in mid-air for a double jump), grabbing stunned Romans with Y, and performing a dash attack to break shields with B. The Left Bumper sees Dogmatix bite enemies to disarm and stun them while the Right Bumper switches characters. You’re often prompted to switch mid combo to perform stronger attacks, earning yourself more collectibles or power-ups, and you can twirl Romans after grabbing them, swing them like a whip, and toss them at other enemies or targets. You can restore health by grabbing roast boar from boats, defeated enemies, or the many destructible crates, and temporarily extend it by collecting shields. Players must again smash a bunch of crates to collect Roman helmets, which unlock additional combos and techniques. These are much tricker to pull off than before, generally requiring you to reach or unlock new levels of “Fury Mode”. This builds as you dish out damage as sees your fists (and, later, enemies) burst into flames to deal additional damage. Lives still don’t exist, but the game is full of checkpoints and autosave points, though any defeated enemies and smashed crates and collectibles respawn if you drop down a pit or have your health drained.
The tedious combat returns alongside some simple, and tricky, puzzle and traversal gimmicks.
Like before, most of your time is spent bashing near endless waves of enemies, which is even more tedious as the combos aren’t as intuitive (simply grabbing and swinging Romans is usually enough to clear the hoards). Occasionally, magic potion spawns to temporarily empower Asterix, through Obelix gets no such power-up. Instead, he mainly bashes down metal doors or pulls Asterix along on wooden platforms. Obelix can jump into special cannons to blast across areas and utilise turrets to shoot enemies from the sky, but he’s generally much slower than Asterix and his basic combos aren’t any different. Asterix can no longer carry torches (you just hit torches to light them), which is a relief, and can slip through gaps too narrow for his rotund friend. Asterix also gets many automated zip-like-esque sections where you must press (or hold) X to swing his platform over or under obstacles. This would be fun, but you must fight to maintain Asterix’s balance to avoid being knocked off and starting over, which is a pain. Springs still blast you higher and you can perform your mid-air ground pound from high up to smash to lower areas. You’ll also roll giant, somewhat fragile bombs to blast through tetromino walls or push large blocks to reach new areas. Although the sliding sections are gone, you’re still often asked to defeat a certain number of enemies to lower barriers blocking doors or to access levers. While these enemy waves can number in the hundreds, they don’t occur as often as before but they’re no less tedious and some areas have you constantly defeating enemies in different rooms each time you pass through just to progress.
While some aspects are refined, the simple gameplay loop remains as uninspired as ever.
Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 ditches the chapter-based narrative for a more open-world feel, with players utilising a stone map to fast travel across Las Vegum. You must often hit levers or pressure pads to lower bridges or access new areas, hopping to floating barges, or dodging rolling barrels as you go. If you’re not bashing enemies, you’re searching for torches to light or flinging Romans at targets. Sometimes you hop into large, familiar pipes and tackle annoying platforming sections on rotating and moving platforms. Other times, you zip around as Asterix to hit a lever and extend a bridge so Obelix can destroy a door to access a pressure pad section. Dogmatix often scurries ahead and barks at points of interest, such as destructible areas or switches that activate springs, and you must pay a helmet toll to enter each section of Las Vegum. Roman Phalanxes now crowd narrow corridors blocking your objectives (though the magic potion makes short work of them), topple obelisks, and spawn stone links between platforms to smash onto broken tiles. You must hit switches to raise columns and transport bombs higher or lower, take stairs and elevators to reach levers, and defeat a wave of Romans in the coliseum before the area floods. This area also sees you gunning down waves of airborne Romans trying to raise torches for their grounded allies to light and includes a wooden reconstruction of the Gaulish village, which is partially destructible. While on Pirate Island, you must drain the water to toss enemies at targets and access the cannon, then refill the water and blast about 250 Romans from the sky, all to push a bomb to a wall and reach a pressure pad puzzle. It’s all very repetitive, with the same gimmicks and puzzles being thrown at you just with different bells and whistles and different combinations of enemies, though the game seems much shorter and easier than its predecessor.
Presentation: Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 continues the strangely gritty aesthetic of the first game, awkwardly mashing the comic book’s colourful, cartoonish visuals with more realistic elements, but removes the ability to switch to the original graphics and oddly lumbers Asterix with a Welsh accent. Asterix and Obelix have some limited idle poses and make quips during the action, but most cutscenes focus on them interacting with the different druids, abusing Roman spy Sam Sheiffer, or show Caesar interacting with his Getafix lookalike, Larry Craft. When the cutscenes kick in, the game zooms out and applies a border, presenting the story with noticeably downgraded graphics rather than remastering the cutscenes to be in widescreen. Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 leans far heavier into the videogame genre this time around, including references to Space Invaders (Taito, 1978), Donkey Kong(Nintendo R&D1, 1981), Tetris (Mirrorsoft, 1988), and Pikmin (Nintendo EAD, 2001). You’ll see images of Rayman carved into blocks, Super Mario(Various, 1985 to present) pipes appear alongside distinctly Mortal Kombat-esque (Midway, 1992) banners, the bombs are modelled after Bomberman, and I spotted a homage to Lemmings (DMA Design, 1991). This trend extends to the enemies, too, with Larry Craft being an obvious allusion to a certain tomb raider, some Romans carrying shields shaped like Pac-Man, other dressed like Sonic the Hedgehog and running about swinging Golden Rings, martial artists dressing like and throwing fireballs and uppercuts like Ryu, and the most annoying aping Super Mario and shoving you back with water jets. These were kind of fun but quickly lost their allure and I found myself questioning why and even how the ancient Romans can ape these videogame icons. Asterix comics are often filled with fun puns and allusions like this, but I found it oddly distracting, as though it called attention to it being a videogame rather than delivering a more traditional Asterix experience.
As fun as the videogame homages are, the game doesn’t do much with them to boost the visuals.
Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 is set entirely within Las Vegum, a city-sized amusement park with six areas modelled after Caesar’s conquered lands. Amusingly, Asterix and Obelix travel to Rome during a cutscene transition rather than embarking on an adventure like in the last game. You begin in a recreation of Lutetia, traversing narrow streets and wider areas and fighting around and springing up a recreation of the Eiffel Tower. You pass through a subway between areas and by numerous homes and shops, none of which can be entered. This transitions nicely into Little Venetia, a recreation of Venice full of water and stone paths and also housing a homage to Mortal Kombat fittingly called “Fatalium”. Things got a touch more interesting once I visited LuckScore, an Egyptian themed area that sees you exploring a colourful interior searching for lights to shine on a central door, though things were disappointingly lowkey in World Championship Wrestling (WCW). This is essentially just the coliseum surrounded by traditional Roman architecture. The Fatalium theming would’ve been far more appropriate here, especially as you battle Larry Craft in a volcano-like lair and would’ve added a bit more visual spice to the repetitive sports field aesthetic and simple stone arenas. Pirate Island made up for this, featuring a lighthouse, a large cave, a mine cart section (though without any mine cats), and switch to a 2.5D perspective to dodge barrels like in Donkey Kong. This theme was somewhat lacking, though, especially as Redbeard and his crew are strangely missing. The action culminates in SeizeUs Palace, a casino-themed finale featuring a giant roulette table with multiple paths, opulent gardens, and towering structures leading to gimmicked challenges themed around the game’s repetitive tropes (pulleys, switches, enemy waves, etc).
Enemies and Bosses: The Roman army is out in full force in Las Vegum, dropping from above, spawning out of nowhere, and attacking in nigh-endless waves. Generally, their attacks are easily telegraphed by onscreen indicators, though even the bog-standard Legionnaires can take quite a beating. These skinny little runts run around and poke at you with spears and generally act as cannon fodder to the larger “Optio” variants, whose shields must be shattered. These brutes mostly carry maces and axes, though their Centurion variants have large broadswords, the Egyptian variants wield large sickles, and the Pac-Man Roman carries a Pac-Man shield that can bite you. Although the pirate enemies are essentially the same as the regular Legionnaires except for carrying a cutlass, Romans also hover overheard using helicopter-like blades and drop time bombs and ghostly Romans will continually respawn unless you ground pound them when they’re down. The Rayman variants are similar, though they fire their disembodied fists like the Centurions toss blades. The Super Mario-esque Romans are strapped to a contraption resembling the Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device (F.L.U.D.D.) that fires a water stream. While this doesn’t do damage, it does annoyingly push you back and semi-stun locks you, which is extremely aggravating when platforming or fighting waves of enemies. The Ryu lookalikes are equally annoying as they launch Hadokens from afar and catch you with a Shoryuken combo if you’re slow on your button presses. The Sonic cosplayers are the fastest enemies but they’re more annoying than a threat while the phalanxes are now thankfully limited to narrow corridors, easily telegraphing their spear attacks and being demolished by the magic potion.
Sadly, the bosses continue to be lacking despite the ghost of some potential lurking in the background.
You must regularly clear areas of all enemies to progress, either by simply bashing them or defeating a set number or tossing some at targets. Enemy types are mixed up as you progress to make things trickier and they’ll also respawn if you die or return to previous areas. While the Machines of War from the last game are thankfully gone, I found myself wishing they’d return at least once as Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 substitutes one tedious, repetitive boss for another. All Las Vegum’s areas are guarded by the hulking Dethmach, a titanic, armoured gladiator fought over a bottomless pit and who is completely invulnerable to regular tracks. After completing a short platforming or traversal challenge to reach his area, you must run around on precarious block platforms, largely ignoring any enemies and dodging spikes and other hazards to lure Dethmach into stepping on or striking glowing floor tiles. Dethmach stomps about, leaps across the arena, swipes and hits the ground, charges like a bull, and tosses fireballs, which all defeat nearby enemies or knock you over the edge to restart the fight. Once he hits each glowing panel or you smack a lever at the right time, a weight drops on his head and stuns him. You must hit X as Asterix to yank the device on his back and then smack the iris that opens on his chest as Obelix. Do this three times and he’s defeated, but each fight gets a bit trickier thanks to spiked obstacles, gates blocking your path, and other hazards. These fights are less aggravating that the Machines of War, but it’s still disappointing that the bosses don’t have more variety. You do battle Larry Craft during the story, with him attacking with two blades and getting stuck on the ground and being accompanied by hundreds of disposable Romans, but he’s essentially just a tougher Roman. You face Julius Caesar in the anti-climactic finale, with him calling in 88 clones for a “Burly Man Brawl” reference and attacking with a sword, but these are as easy to defeat as the regular Legionnaire and the Dethmach that follows him was the easiest of them all for me.
Additional Features: There are thirty Achievements to earn in Astérix & Obélix XXL 2. Three are earned from entering three of Las Vegum’s areas, three more are earned from rescuing the druids, and four more are earned simply from progressing through to a certain area and finishing the game. You’ll get another Achievement for earning a x6 combo multiplier, one for buying one and then all upgrades, another for buying all the figurines, and another for defeating 2500 Romans. Despite all the crazy videogame references, there’s only one Achievement tied to this (simply enter a Mario-like pipe and hit a lever after a short platforming section), which is a shame. There are three difficulty levels, though they don’t impact the Achievements, and you can switch Asterix and Obelix to their classic attire but are stuck with the remastered graphics this time. Various challenges can once again be tackled in each area, tasking you with defeating as many Romans as possible in a time limit for bonus rewards (and Achievements). Each area also hides envelopes and diamond helmets to collect and finding them all nets you additional Achievements. You can freely return to any area at any time and after beating the game to seek out anything you’ve missed, though I can’t say I’m particularly inspired to do this.
The Summary: I was bitterly disappointed by the first Astérix & Obélix XXL, which was a tedious, repetitive, and frustrating experience that really did the brand a disservice. While many of its annoying elements were thankfully gone, Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 is still the same clunky, mediocre combat that forces you to pummel endless hoards of the same enemies, though these sections seem to be paced out better. The platforming is reduced to bouncing around on springs and navigating narrow corridors, for the most part, or simply hopping to platforms, which is less annoying but not exactly exciting. Zipping and swinging around on Asterix’s platforms was more frustrating than fun, Obelix remains severely underpowered, and the puzzles are almost insultingly easy. There’s slightly less to do this time around as Asterix cannot carry torches and the cannon sections were quite simplistic and dragged on. While I enjoyed seeing all the references to popular videogame franchises and characters, it was a bit overkill and sadly wasn’t translated to the game’s bosses. We don’t fight a Dethmach dressed up as Donkey Kong, for example, or get into a race against a Sonic-themed Roman or encounter any interesting bosses as the same strategies work against each of the brutes every time. The videogame homages also don’t extend to the environment, which stay nicely on brand but don’t deliver much in terms of visuals. Like in the last game, it feels like the developers are holding back from using the Asterix brand to its full potential. It’s undeniable that there have been a few improvements over the last game, but the last game are thankfully gone, I found myself wishing they’d return at least once as Astérix & Obélix XXL 2 I still a tedious and aggravating experience that can’t hope to life up to the mindless simplicity of the arcade-style titles or old-school action/platfomers.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
Do you agree that Astérix & Obélix XXL2 is slightly better than the last game? Did you like the tweaks made to the gameplay or did you find it as tedious as the last one? Which of the videogame homages was your favourite? Were you also disappointed that the bosses were still lacking? Did you ever complete all the combat challenges and find all the collectibles? Which XXL game is your favourite and how are you celebrating Asterix this month? Leave a comment about Asterix below, support me on Ko-Fi, and check out my other Asterix content.
Asterix the Gaul (and his best friend Obelix) first debuted on 29 October 1959 as a serial in the French/Belgium magazine Pilote. Since then, the plucky Gauls have had many adventures in comic books, videogames, and feature-length productions. This year, I’m spending a few days celebrating this popular and enduring character.
Released: 22 October 2020 Originally Released: 21 November 2003 Developer: OSome Studio Original Developer: Étranges Libellules Metacritic Scores: 53 / 5.4
Also Available For: Game Boy Advance, GameCube, PC, PlayStation 2, (Original Version); Nintendo Switch, PC, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, Xbox Series S (Romastered)
Quick Facts: With over 400 million books sold worldwide, it’s no wonder Asterix expanded into animation, movies, and videogames. In 2003, Infogrames backed a new Asterix videogame, initially titledAsterix & Obelix: Next Generation, a 3D beat-‘em-up that marked his PlayStation 2 debut. Astérix & Obélix XXL was generally praised for its gameplay but said to be visually uninspiring and tedious. Still, it spawned threesequels and was revamped for modern consoles with this Romastered version. Despite the improvements, Astérix & Obélix XXL continued to frustrate with its barebones gameplay and mediocre combat.
Gameplay and Power-Ups: Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered is a reworked version of the original 3D brawler, offering visual tweaks and additional options. Surprisingly, considering the title and the nature of the game, Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered is a purely single-player experience, with one player primarily controlling the plucky Asterix and switching to the oafish Obelix either when prompted or automatically. Players visit six stages, recognisable to Asterix fans, each with six levels apiece save for the final stage, Rome, which is a two-level affair. After choosing the game’s difficulty and toggling various display and music options, players start in Gaul and immediately begin bashing Romans. Players attack and interact with former Roman spy Sam Shieffer by pressing X, jump with A (executing a double jump with a second press in mid-air), catch stunned Romans with Y, and perform a weak-ass dash with B. The Left Trigger has your partner throw an enemy while the Right Bumper orders Dogmatix to attack, disarming and stunning enemies. The Right Trigger switches between the original graphics and sound and the Romastered visuals, earning you an easy Achievement and allowing you to collect different sestertii coins when challenging one of the many stele time trials. Your health is measured by shields, which are refilled by smacking wild boar and collecting their meat or fully refilled, and extended up the six shields, by finding shields dotted about. Players also smash a shitload of wooden crates and collect even more Roman helmets, multiplying their load by grabbing Centurion helmets floating about. There are no lives in Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered and players must save by approaching or smacking sleepy druids, respawning either at the druid or at autosave points when they fail their mission.
Decimate nigh-endless swarms of enemies with a handful of mediocre attacks and cannons.
The core gameplay of Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered is combat. Enemies are relentless, nigh-endlessly swarming town squares or enclosed areas, with players forced to defeat up to 1500 Romans and other enemies at a time! Combat starts pretty fun, with Romans flying all over, and quickly becomes tedious as options are so limited. As you dish out beatings, a combo meter builds and, when full, you can press specific button combinations to thin out the hoards. These are purchased from a merchant and are frustratingly limited since you can only perform them when the meter’s full. All you really need is the Twister combos, which see both characters transform into devastating tornados, though you can also pound Romans and dig up menhirs. Very rarely, magic potion empowers Asterix, increasing his speed and strength and making him temporarily invincible. More often, you’ll hop into cannons, rapidly firing cannonballs with X as Obelix pushes you back and forth. Finally, glowing spots or automatic sections switch you to Obelix, who’s slower and bigger but also strong enough to smash metal crates and haul giant stones to clear passages or create bridges. Asterix, meanwhile, can carry and light torches, lighting fires and explosive barrels to clear passageways. Often, players must smack windmills to raise platforms or Obelix must pull Asterix along on elevated platforms, but I was disappointed that Obelix didn’t have more combat options, like a ground pound or menhir slam. Obelix can bounce about on special springs, while slingshots ricochet you across areas and players must hit switches to open doors, lower bridges, or earn a Golden Laurel. Combat quickly becomes repetitive and tiresome, particularly when swarmed or playing without Obelix and Dogmatix as support, with enemies having a long reach and often shielding against your ridiculously limited attacks. Gameplay is mixed up by a handful of sliding and boat riding sections, where players careen down steep slopes grabbing helmets and avoiding boulders or race across water grabbing yet more helmets and avoiding various obstacles.
It’s hard to tell what’s worse: the repetitive combat or the repetitive puzzles and tasks.
The rest of Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered is exploration and platforming, with players swimming, hopping to platforms, and searching for switches. Often, you cannot progress until you clear out all enemies or hit switches and you must activate giant springs with X to fly to other sections. Speaking of, stages go on way, way too long, throwing the same gimmicks and obstacles at you no matter where you’re fighting. Sure, some areas have more water than others, Egypt (and Rome) has a lot of insta-death lava, and spike pits become plentiful, but you’re still forced to fight endless swarms of enemies until it’s safe to light an explosive, hit a switch, or push blocks and towers. Occasionally, you step on pressure pads to open trap doors, which is a great way to take out multiple enemies. Other times, you scale towers, explore caves, or go solo to open a door or clear the way. Sometimes, you must use the cannons to take out patrolling phalanxes; other times, Sam tasks you with collecting helmets or (surprise, surprise) clearing out all enemies before he’ll open a door. I wish there was more to say about the gameplay but there really isn’t. All you do is smash crates, bash enemies, collect helmets, and perform the same simple tasks again and again. Sometimes, blasts of wind rush through tunnels and you must hide in alcoves until it (eventually) dies down and to preserve your torch. One time in Greece, you push logs to make platforms for Asterix; and you must frantically eliminate flying Romans in Helvetia to light four torches. You never play as other characters (not even Dogmatix for stealth sections), there’s no upgrades beyond the rubbish combos, and the best the game has to offer in terms of upping the challenge is more insta-death hazards and enemies. Luckily, you won’t have to clear out those hoards if you die afterwards, but my god does this game outstay it’s welcome quickly!
Presentation: Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered has a very confused visual identity. The titular characters have been given a gritty makeover, ditching their cuddly, comic book aesthetic for a more pugilistic atmosphere, though their supporting characters and enemies oddly don’t reflect this. Both characters have basic idly poses but are strangely quiet in most cutscenes, only really chiming in when they rescue their fellow villagers. There are no pre-rendered cutscenes so you’ll be seeing the in-game models the entire time, though they do look pretty decent. It’s just a shame they don’t have many animations or attacks and, when you bust out a combo, that the game lags. The game performs pretty well, unless there’s loads of enemies and action on the screen, though I did experience moments of stuttering and where I had to reload because the game didn’t register that I’d defeated all enemies. The story is about as predictable as ever, with the two warriors searching for their kidnapped friends and travelling across most of the Roman Empire. However, Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered wastes a lot of its potential by omitting notable characters from these locations, like Cleopatra, Gluteus Maximus, and Justforkix (though Redbeard the Pirate does appear). This extends to the enemies, with you fighting the same Romans over and over; the game doesn’t even include the “Roman in a tree” trope and instances where you fight anyone other than Romans are lacking. Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered also opts for a rock-based soundtrack that feels very out of place. The music is often a bit dodgy as well, cutting off and going silent midway through the action or abruptly ending or kicking in for no reason. It’s neat that you can switch between the old and new visuals, with the original graphics obviously being far blander and more basic compared to the modern makeover, though it’s not as if the new paint job makes things any livelier.
The visual upgrade is appreciated but doesn’t improve the tedious gameplay or barebones story.
Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered plays things very safe with its locations, having you fight in the forests and through the Gaulish village before visiting the snowy mountains of Normandy, the picturesque cliffsides of Greece, the night-time countryside of Helvetia, the arid deserts of Egypt, and finally the grandiose Colosseum in Rome. I liked seeing the Gaul’s village recreated in 3D, even if it is in flames, and it’s fun spotting recognisable locations like Cacofonix’s treehouse and Unhygienix’s fishmongers, and fighting Romans by the beach. It’s a shame you don’t get to properly storm a Roman garrison, but there are plenty of encampments stationed across their empire. I enjoyed the snowy wastes of Normandy, but this location is largely squandered as you’re mostly fighting up a mountain and your exploration of the frigid, Norse caves is limited to claustrophobic, windswept environments. Civilisation comes to the forefront in Greece, where you fight through Roman baths and bash gladiators, while Helvetia is tackled mostly at night and sees you springing and jumping up a cliffside. This area emphasises elevator platforms, which often crop up, where you must defeat all enemies to reach higher areas. I had high hopes for Egypt but, rather than exploring dark and ominous pyramids and crypts, you’re mostly stuck in the wastelands or fighting through the bustling market and city squares. There’s a lot of lava, boulders, and towering statues here and a pyramid does crop up, but it’s weird that there’s no labyrinthine switch puzzle or anything like that. Rome is the smallest area, restricting you to the ornate city outskirts and then forcing you to fight a gauntlet in the Colosseum, which I suppose makes sense but it’s still a bit disappointing that you don’t explore more of the city. It’s cool fighting before Julius Caesar and hopping on his throne, but there’s little to note here since you’re forced to focus on decimating the thousands of enemies who come at you in waves.
Enemies and Bosses: Unsurprisingly, many Roman soldiers appear in Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered. The standard Legionnaires carry spears and shields and are easily defeated, eventually donning leaves to pop up from long grass. Taller Legionnaires appear in Greece and sport larger weapons, extremely annoying “pushers” swing gladiator sticks to send you flying, some fly on jetpacks to douse your fires, others fire arrows, and you encounter many instances of multiple Roman formations. These phalanxes wander about erratically, thrusting their spears from the sides or up top, but can be decimated with cannons. A larger “Optio” Legionnaire really got on my nerves since they often appear in fours and attack when you have no support on hand, charging a combo swing that seems to always hit. This is mirrored by the gold-clad Centurions, who come in two forms (though there’s sadly no Voluptuous Arteriosclerosus variant like other Asterix videogames) and can guard against your attacks and drop health-restoring meat. You also bash apart the Romans’ rock-tossing catapults and bash numerous Roman lions and their muscular tamers, and encounter some non-Roman enemies. Namely, cutlass-wielding pirates, their long-suffering captain, and two brutish Normans: a standard barbarian warrior and a more formidable chief. Fighting them is the same as fighting Optios and Centurions, except they swing spiked clubs and have no smaller cannon fodder to ease the battle. Honestly, I was disappointed by the enemy selection as the game sported fewer enemy variants than earlier, 16-bit and even 8-bit Asterix titles, and none of Asterix’s former rivals or enemies reappear here.
When you’re not bashing swarms of enemies, you’re facing the same war machines again and again.
This means that, rather than contending with the magic and hypnotic powers of Prolix the Soothsayer, tackling Redbeard’s crew, or pitting Obelix against Gluteus Maximus, you’re left to fight Roman war machines as boss battles. The smaller one is a towering structure with two concrete block arms that it swings and crash to the ground to create shockwaves. When you first fight this towering war machine, it’s in an open area with lots of room to manoeuvre and magic potion on hand, but you’re restricted to a smaller space in Egypt. Regardless, it’s best to use hit and run tactics, dashing in to smack the cogs holding the arms and escaping before you take a hit or are flung away, repeating until both arms are destroyed and the machine is left vulnerable. While most areas pit you against dozens, hundreds, or thousands of Romans, you must defeat numerous spiked bulldozer-like “Machines of War” to rescue your fellow villagers. At first, Asterix must get up high and leap to a big red switch on the machine’s top, extending the grinder-like appendages so Obelix can carefully hop between them and destroy their screws. This is easier said than done as the machine spits explosive bombs, its spikes have a deceptive hit box, and it can even electrify itself, to say nothing of how rotund Obelix is. In the second fight, you must step on three pressure plates to raise its central column, then race to the high ground to fire cannons at this target to attack the appendages as before. The same strategy works in the third encounter, only there are lava pits, levers to hit, and Romans to worry about (just ignore them, though, as the machine dispatches them). Finally, Caesar controls two Machines of War at once in Rome, with lava streams breaking up the ground. This time, you must drag Asterix to the high ground, extend a bridge, and hop to the red button, which is extremely difficult with so many projectiles and the janky camera. Luckily, you only have to destroy two appendages this time, so just focus on one machine at a time.
Additional Features: There are twenty-eight Achievements in Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered, with six being awarded every time you beat a stage, and an extra one earned every time you clear the game on a different difficulty. There are three to choose from at the start, with a fourth “Extreme” difficulty unlocked after you beat “Hard” mode, though these Achievements stack so maybe tackle the game on at least “Normal” to save time. Each level has up to eight Golden laurels to find for another Achievement, you’ll get another for unlocking every combo, another for getting six health shields, and two more for defeating 5000 enemies and collecting 99999. Find and defeat Redbeard in each location and you get another Achievement, bounce yourself around twenty times in thirty seconds for another, and clear all timed challenges for more. By clearing areas and progressing through the story, you’ll activate steles that task you with switching between the old and new visuals to collect coins or racing to the finish against a time limit. You can replay any level from the main map to seek out any challenges or collectibles you’ve missed. You also unlock some fun skins if you find all the Golden Laurels in each location and can purchase amusing pictures from the Great Map screen. Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered offers a bunch of options, like toggling between the new and old visuals and soundtrack and sound effects, enabling autosave when near a druid, activating a speedrunner time, and revamped animations. Sadly, however, there’s no two-player options or boss rush or anything to collect other than endless helmets and the Golden Laurels, which stunts replayability a bit since stages are such a chore to play through!
Final Thoughts: I had high hopes for Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered. I’d seen the games floating around the Xbox Store for a while and been tempted by them since I’m a big fan of the franchise and 3D brawlers, but man was this a let-down. The game starts pretty strong, with an interesting visual makeover for the two heroes and recreating their iconic image in 3D, but it quickly outstays its welcome after just the first stage. It makes sense to focus an Asterix game on combat, but fights are so dull and repetitive here. Even if you purchase all the combos, pulling them off is really weird and barely worth the effort beyond decimating foes with the Twister combos. It’s baffling how little you utilise the magic potion, how underwhelming Obelix is, and how restrictive and tedious fights are due to the janky camera and a lack of attacks. Platforming is equally aggravating, with you constantly performing the same tasks no matter what, with only some slides and boat sections to break up the action. Getting Asterix onto platforms for Obelix to pull was annoying half the time, I got sick of searching for switches, pulling rocks is never interesting no matter how big they are, and it was incredibly frustrating to reach an area and be boxed in and forced to fight up to thousands of enemies. To make matters worse, all you do between these tasks is smash crates and collect Roman helmets, which gets old quickly. There’s little point in exploring unless you’re searching for Golden Laurels and Redbeard, Dogmatix is unreliable as a support attack, and the bosses were a major let-down. I’m truly baffled that, with all the Asterix stories told and all the characters available, the developers recycled the same enemies over and over and used the same Machines of War with little variation. While the Romastered do-over improves the visuals and the game pops at times, every area is a slog to get through and a waste of the license, reducing the Asterix brand to a beat-‘em-up platformer so mindless and repetitive it makes the arcade game looks like a sprawling epic!
My Rating:
⭐
Rating: 1 out of 5.
Terrible
Did you enjoy Astérix & Obélix XXL: Romastered and, if so…why? Were you impressed by this visual revamp or did you prefer the original? Were you also disappointed by the lacklustre combat and repetitive gameplay? Do you agree that areas went on for way too long and that the bosses were a disappointment? Did you ever find all the Golden Laurels and beat the new time trials? Which of the XXL games was your favourite and how are you celebrating Asterix this month? Whatever your thoughts on Asterix, feel free to leave a comment below, support me on Ko-Fi, and and check out my other Asterix content.
The Review: Like Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, Chaos! Comics’ Halloween continuation begins (and focuses on) a grown-up Thomas “Tommy” Doyle. Tommy contacts Michael Cyphers at Smith’s Grove Sanatorium in hopes of getting Doctor Samuel Loomis’s notes on Michael Myers to use in a book about the famed serial killer. Cyphers is so distracted by the grisly photos of Michael’s murders that he doesn’t notice the masked killer looming and gets impaled through the neck with a kitchen knife. Michael’s then briefly transfixed by a photo of his older sister, Judith, whom he killed on Halloween night in 1963. Lurking in the shadows, reliving that fateful night, Michael goes unseen by Tommy when he comes by for Dr. Loomis’s notes, and by the security guard who ushers Tommy out. When Tommy returns to Haddonfield to read the documents, the story flashes back to when the stoic, remorseless seven-year-old Michael first came to the sanatorium and was placed under the doctor’s care. Immediately troubled by the boy’s disturbing nature, Dr. Loomis recommends that Michael be moved to a private room rather than be amongst the other violent juvenile inmates, only to be categorically shot down even after Dr. Loomis is backed up by his colleague, Doctor Jennifer Hill. Michael immediately catches the ire of Tony O’Malley, a violent teenage psychopath who becomes fixated on making the “dummy” talk…or cry…and pays for it by taking a crayon to the eye (though God-fearing self-harmer Roger takes the credit). During therapy, the mute Myers disturbs and delights the naïve Dr. Loomis by drawing his crimes, giving Dr. Loomis pause to think the boy wasn’t insane. Dr. Loomis makes Michael his top priority (alongside romancing Dr. Hill, of course) and notes that the other boys seem placated by fear after O’Malley’s “accident”.
While reading about Michael’s background, Tommy is attacked by the Shape himself!
No other incidents followed until a year later, on Michael’s eighth birthday (the day after the one-year anniversary of Judith’s murder), when Michael punished gluttonous Wade/Donut for ruining his birthday cake by causing him second-degree shower burns that lead to his death. Over the next few years, Michael was so docile and placid that many forgot why he was even there. By age fourteen, Michael was the “model inmate” but his fellow inmates either died horribly or went hopelessly insane for seemingly no reason. Dr. Loomis is incensed when his superior, Doctor Carpenter, insists on throwing a Halloween party, convinced that it’s too great a risk despite how placid Michael appears. Dr. Loomis gets distracted by his wedding plans with Dr. Hill, expressing regret for not trying harder to stop the party, which sees Nancy drowned during a convenient power cut while bobbing for apples. Although Michael was nowhere near when it happened, she had taunted him right before it and Dr. Loomis is so convinced that Michael is behind it (or “the Devil”) that he nearly lays hands on the boy. Dr. Hill stops him, insisting that he’s better off distancing himself from Michael and starting a private practice, only for Jennifer to get tossed from the hospital roof one night. Heartbroken, Dr. Loomis dedicated his life to proving that Michael was evil incarnate and doing everything in his power to keep the boy from being transferred to an open facility to avoid giving him the chance to escape. Though disturbed by Dr. Loomis’s writing, Tommy pushes on and is thus caught completely off-guard when Michael breaks into his house brandishing a kitchen knife. Amazed and horrified to see Myers still alive, Tommy unloads with a pistol, getting a bitch slap for his efforts, and then ignites a bottle of Jack Daniels in Michael’s masked face. Tommy follows up by smashing a chair across Michael’s back and the Shape, his face aflame, tumbles from Tommy’s first-floor window, disappearing soon after and leaving Tommy vowing to destroy him once and for all.
Brackett reveals key insights into Michael’s cursed past before being murdered by Myers,
Relieved to find Dr. Loomis’s notes undamaged from the fight, Tommy reloads and heads to the old Myers house, where Richie Castle (one of the boys who bullied Tommy as a kid) is currently sitting outside and thinking about his run-in with Michael, an encounter that has haunted him for twenty-four years. Bitter, the inebriated Richie decides to “burn down the past” only to be accidentally gunned down by Sheriff Leigh Brackett, who’s also skulking around the house looking for revenge and closure after Myers murdered his daughter, Annie, in 1978. After stealing a car from his other childhood bullies, Tommy spots Brackett and follows him to a pumpkin field outside town, where he buries Richie and tells Tommy of Haddonfield’s sordid past. It turns out the town’s name is derived from “Hayden” (or “cursed”) and that fanatical druids (the Cult of Thorn), led by Murphey Myers, fled there to escape the New England witch hunts. Murphey carried the “curse of Samhain”, which led to the women of his bloodline to be “touched” by visions and some telepathic ability and the men to carry the “seed of Samhain’s evil”. Unlike most of the townsfolk, who were descended from those druids, Brackett’s family moved to Haddonfield in 1901, but he still knows (thanks to Dr. Loomis’s private diaries) that the druids regularly sacrificed people to their dark Gods. Although the Myers family knew peace for three generations, that changed when Audrey Myers gave birth to Michael at 23:57, Halloween night, 1957. Fated to be the “vessel to carry the ultimate evil”, Michael jerked to life at 12:06 after being stillborn, apparently possessed by a dark entity. Although Michael was a normal little boy for most of his life, his evil unleashed itself when he was compelled to murder Judith, Brackett’s ex (who was a bit of a slapper, it turns out).
Framed for murder, Tommy reunites with Lindsey to discuss Michael’s evil.
While Michael murders Richie’s friends after they trespass in his home, Tommy and Brackett are jumped by the Cult of Thorn (led by Mrs. Blankenship) and tied up in the church basement. While Mrs. Blankenship debates what to do with the two with the local priest, Michael freely walks the night-time streets amidst the trick-or-treaters, murdering some random girl while being drawn to the church, where he butchers the priest just as he’s freeing Tommy and Brackett. Tommy stuns Michael with another chair shot and Brackett gathers his courage to toss a lantern at the Shape’s head, being stabbed in the heart for his trouble. However, Tommy fights Michael with a fire extinguisher and knocks him into an electrical box, electrocuting Myers and causing the church to dramatically explode. Discovered by the Cult of Thorn, Tommy is framed from Brackett’s murder and tossed into Smith’s Grove Sanatorium. Two years later, in 2001, Tommy (still haunted by Halloween 1978) is scheduled for execution by Doctor Terence Wynn (somehow still alive after Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers). Determined to finish Michael, Tommy fights off Dr. Wynn and his bulbous henchman and briefly encounters Myers (despite him having been beheaded a couple of years prior) while escaping the hospital. Meanwhile, Lindsey Wallace, Tommy’s childhood friend who was also there on Halloween 1978, returns to Haddonfield as a reporter to expose Michael’s evil and search for Laurie Strode, who vanished after Halloween H20. Naturally, Lindsey is suspicious when Tommy approaches her as he’s been accused of all sorts of awful stuff, but he protests his innocence and uses Dr. Loomis’s diary as proof that Michael has inexplicably survived. The diary details an incident in 1970, where Dr. Loomis met with the aged Hattie Bartok and learned of Michael’s chilling birth, which saw his stillborn body possessed by an evil spirt and that Michael had another sister: Laurie Strode.
Laurie takes up her brother’s mantle, indicating that the Myers curse is never-ending.
Startled by a noise, Lindsey and Tommy head upstairs to find a severed head hacked up like a jack-o’-lantern and three desiccated corpses arranged on a bed before their tombstones. Michael then gets the drop on Tommy and stabs him in the shoulder. Lindsey flees in terror, injuring her leg after a tumble down the stairs but disarming Michael by trapping his wrist in a door. Fleeing into the deserted streets, Lindsey barely avoids being run down and finds herself running right to the deserted Myers house. Against her better judgement, Lindsey enters and heads to Judith’s old room, where she lures Michael in by posing as his sister. Although he briefly hesitates, Michael reacts violently when Lindsey tries to take his knife, smashing her through the dress mirror and leading Lindsey to stab him in the eye with a shard of glass. This allows Tommy to shoot Michael, unmasking him to find their attacker is Laurie! Overcome with a mindless, murderous rage, her one good eye as black as Michael’s, Laurie lunges at Tommy and the two take a spill to the outside with a fall that apparently breaks Tommy’s neck, judging by the art. Four weeks later, the injured Laurie is in a padded cell in Smith’s Grove Sanatorium under the care of Doctor Block. Lindsey visits and learns that Laurie has regressed into a docile state, apparently having undergone a “textbook case” of “psychotic personality transference”. After beheading Michael, Laurie took his head as a “trophy” but, as she couldn’t survive without Michael, she effectively “became him” to give her life purpose. Dr. Bloch believes the Myers family is “cursed” by mental illness caused by generations of alcohol and incest, believing Dr. Loomis became so obsessed by Michael’s evil that it skewed his perception. Unconvinced, Lindsey gazes upon the stoic, apathetic Laurie and ponders just how deep the madness runs in the Myers bloodline and its ties to whatever ancient evil tainted the family all those years ago.
Final Thoughts: The Halloween franchise has always been a mess. While I can just about give Halloween II(Rosenthal, 1981) a pass as it desperately tried to end the story, it destroyed the mystique surrounding Michael Myers by making Laurie his sister. Ironically, I don’t mind this twist (mainly because it was a cohesive glue through four of the original sequels), but every sequel since has tried to explain more about Michael’s past and his motivations. This culminated in Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, which delivered on the “Samhain” tease from Halloween II by tying Michael to the ancient Cult of Thorn and making his actions explicitly supernatural. This was messy no matter which version of the film you watch and thankfully never revisited, and it was the popular canon before Halloween H20 ignored all the sequels but Halloween 2. Chaos! Comics made a valiant attempt to recanonise those sequels, however, starting soon after the end of whatever version of Halloween 6 you prefer and seemingly leading into (or providing an alternative version of) Halloween: Resurrection (Rosenthal, 2002). Although Michael is said to be explicitly supernatural here, he is inarguably dead in “The Devil’s Eyes” and Lindsey ponders if his madness or curse has spread to Laurie, an interesting development that echoes when the franchise teased replacing Michael with his niece, Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris) in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (Little, 1988). Considering I was all for that idea, I wouldn’t have minded if these comics had been tweaked slightly to all take place after Halloween H20 and had the “Michael” stalking Tommy always be Laurie. We still could’ve had the flashbacks to Michael’s past and such and this would’ve tied closer to the themes of the nature of evil and the cursed Myers bloodline.
An interesting take on Halloween‘s messy lore that doesn’t quite live up to its potential.
Tommy was oddly characterised here. He doesn’t seem to fit with either version of Halloween 6 and the art constantly depicts him in different ways, with him starting off as a fairly unassuming guy, appearing much older in “The Blackest Eyes” and looking completely different in “The Devil’s Eyes”. I think it might’ve been better to follow Lindsey as she works to discover Michael’s background for a story. She could’ve liaised with Tommy after he was committed following Halloween 6 and he still could’ve escaped in “The Blackest Eyes” for the final showdown with “Michael”. I quite liked seeing Michael’s childhood in Smith’s Grove Sanatorium and the twist that Dr. Loomis’s vendetta against him was made personal when Myers murdered his fiancée (as odd and ill-fitting it was to see Dr. Loomis in love). It was interesting seeing the supernatural creep into Michael’s time in the hospital, how his actions were framed as accidents and fuelling the scepticism regarding Dr. Loomis’s wild claims about the otherwise docile patient. I was also glad to see Sheriff Brackett return, but he’s basically here to dump exposition that could’ve easily been related in Dr. Loomis’s otherwise pointless meeting with Hattie Bartok. It might’ve been cool for Tommy and Brackett to team up, dealing with Richie and the others as they try to intercept Michael at his house and the Cult of Thorn try to regain control of him. It was weird featuring Dr. Wynn, especially considering the ends of Halloween 6 and that there’s no explanation of what happened to Dr. Loomis. Michael is basically the saving grace of these issues, appearing as a silent, unstoppable wraith who mercilessly stabs and manhandles anyone in his way. There’s a fair bit of gore here (I especially liked the depiction of Michael and his flaming head in “The Blackest Eyes”) and a decent attempt to make sense of Halloween’s messy lore. This story isn’t perfect and it’s definitely better than either Halloween 6 and Halloween: Resurrection, but I couldn’t help but think something was lacking. The focus on exposition and backstory bogged it down and robbed us of either more Myers action or placing Laurie as his successor, meaning it’s an interesting curio in the wider Halloween mythos that doesn’t quite live up to its full potential.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Have you ever read Chaos! Comics’ Halloween? Did you appreciate the attempt to make sense of the nonsense Halloween lore? Do you think it would’ve been better if Laurie had been the killer in this story? Were you a fan of the Cult of Thorn or do you prefer Michael’s backstory to be more mysterious? Do you agree that Lindsey should’ve been the main character here? Would you like to see this era of Halloween make a comeback? What horror-themed comics are you reading this Halloween? Whatever your thoughts on Halloween, comment below, check out my other horror content, and donate to my Ko-Fi if you want me to review more Halloween comics.
Gameplay and Power-Ups: Quantum of Solace is a first-person shooter (FPS) that retells key events of the movie of the same name, while also featuring a massive interlude that recaps Casino Royale(Campbell, 2006). For anyone hoping for a classic FPS 007 experience, you may be disappointed to learn that Quantum of Solace has more in common with the Call of Duty games, setting a precedent for Activision’s subsequent 007 titles in the process. Accordingly, players fire with the Right Trigger, reload with X, toss grenades and flashbangs and such with the Right Bumper, and press the left stick to briefly sprint. You use the Left Trigger to “aim down the sights”, using this alongside a mild auto aim to quickly target enemies even when they’re behind cover, while the Left Bumper switches weapons (of which you can carry only three). Bond vaults over obstacles and gaps with Y, crouches with B to either sneak up on enemies or use cover, and “snaps to” cover with A. While under cover, players can either pop up to return fire, shoot around whatever they’re hiding behind, or use A to quickly dash to alternative cover, with the game adopting a third-person perspective for these moments. The directional pad (D-pad) alters your weapon’s fire rate and equips a silencer (if possible) and cycles through your different grenades. Bond can bring up his hand-dandy smart phone with the “View” button, receiving an overview of his objectives, cycling through any security cameras he’s hacked, reading data files, and consulting a pretty substandard map as a compass guides you towards your objectives. By default, Bond automatically regains health when taking cover or staying out of harm’s way, though Quantum of Solace is pretty generous with its checkpoints so it’s hardly an inconvenience when you die.
Take cover in firefights, hack locks, and shimmy past guards in this substandard COD clone.
When sneaking up on enemies, players can press in the right stick to perform a silent “takedown”. This initiates a quick-time event (QTE) where you must hit the right button to subdue your target, though enemies will be alerted if they spot the body, if you make too much noise, or if you’re spotted by cameras. Thus, it’s better to disable these by holding X when prompted rather than shooting them. Bond also shimmies along balconies to bypass guards, with the game often employing a picture-in-picture perspective to make it easier to time when to hop past windows and such. Occasionally, players must maintain their balance on beams using a pendulum mechanic, jump larger gaps with Y when prompted, and use a mounted turret to mow down enemies with no danger of it overheating. X interacts with the environment, retrieves phones for data files, activates switches, opens gates, and hacks PCs. When used on certain locks, a hacking mini game is initiated where you must press a direction on the D-pad when the number appears in green. Naturally, Bond has a small arsenal of weapons to choose from, either by grabbing guns dropped by enemies or opening special crates. You’ve got his standard-issue Walther PP9, of course, and similar variants alongside the high-impact Super Magnum, two heavy-duty shotguns, and a super fun grenade launcher. There are a couple of sniper rifles, with Bond able to hold his breath for a short time to steady his shot, and a whole bunch of machine and submachine guns. Some come with silencers and special scopes, some burn through ammo faster than others, and some are pretty weak and inaccurate or take longer to reload. I quite enjoyed the Uzi-like Mantis, the hefty TLD22, and the heavy-duty 8-CAT, but the M14 can go die in a ditch. You won’t have to worry about buying upgrades or add-ons or anything so just grab your favourite weapon and go for it.
It’s rare, but some missions offer unique objectives and mechanics to mix up the tedious gameplay.
While some sections promote stealth, being spotted usually just raises an alarm and sees more enemies swarm in, which can end your run pretty quickly so it’s better to pick enemies off with your silenced PP9 or sniper rifle. When stealth is necessary, you must crouch-walk around deactivating cameras and subduing enemies, though this can be tricky if you’re impatient like me. Other times, you’re forced to “survive” against waves of enemies who dive and crouch behind cover or toss grenades if they see you camping. You can shoot electrical boxes and explosive targets to thin out their numbers or occasionally shoot specific targets to drop boats onto them or collapse their rickety platforms. When Dominic Greene’s elaborate estate catches fire in the finale, you must shoot fire extinguishers to dose the flames, crawl though vents in the science centre, and quickly take out enemies before they separate your speeding train from Vesper Lynd’s. You get thirty seconds to do this and there are other similarly timed challenges to contend with, like when you’re given twenty seconds to run, crouch, and escape the tunnels before turncoat Craig Mitchell sets off his explosives or forty-five seconds to kill Greene. There are a couple of chase sequences, with the game (mostly) recreating the famous parkour chase from Casino Royale, forcing players to take alternative paths when the way is blocked or the ground gives beneath them, or when you chase Mitchell across the rooftops and through the houses of Siena. To infiltrate the opera house, players must sneak around disabling cameras and putting down enemies, heading under the docks and manipulating the gantries with switches, and finally sidling along on precarious ledges to avoid being spotted by snipers. The train missions see you taking ladders to the roof to take out and get the drop on enemies, you must snipe the guards outside the science centre, and stumble across a busy road to cure Bond of his poisoning in Casino Royale.
Presentation: Quantum of Solace does a fairly decent job of bringing the movie’s locations and major action sequences to life, with environments showing a lot of life and detail if not really rewarding or promoting exploration. It tells an extremely truncated version of one of the weaker Bond stories, jumping from place to place and moment to moment and assuming the player is familiar with the film before derailing things to flashback to Casino Royale. When Bond and his MI6 cohorts do appear, they all reflect the likenesses of their actors but are little more than emotionless marionettes, quickly running through key moments of the plot to get back to the action. To make matters worse, most cutscenes are simply voiceovers placed over animated menus as MI6 and Mister White review or listen in on Bond’s actions. As ever, this remains a disappointingly cheap way to advance the plot, so I generally just skipped these when allowed. On the plus side, the movie’s awful theme song is replaced by a far less grating alternative from Kerli, the classic Bond themes punctuate the action, and Bond’s death animation is delivered through the classic gun barrel sequence. Enemies are quite lively, wandering around without a care in the world and leaping into action when they spot you, diving to and shooting around cover and even climbing ladders after you. They occasionally ragdoll about, comically toppling over balconies and such, which is always fun to see. Two of my favourite moments were when the drugged Bond stumbles through Casino Royale, his vision blurred and his body woozy, and your desperate climb up a sinking building in Venice. You also Vesper through the streets, automatically alternating between armed and unarmed if civilians are about, and I was very impressed with the opera house sequence. The environment is large and ominous, with opera music echoing in the background, and Bond must carefully sneak about behind the scenes to progress.
While character models are soulless puppets, the environments are surprisingly faithful to the movies.
After recreating the ending of Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace opens with an all-out firefight at Mr. White’s luxurious estate. You start in the gardens, blasting baddies between flowerbeds, through the greenhouse, and through Mr. White’s fully stocked wine cellar. A new version of the film’s title sequence follows this and then you’re chasing Mitchell through claustrophobic caverns and across rooftops in a pretty impressive sequence as the environment is full of market stalls, drying clothes, and the sounds of football from televisions. The sinkhole mission is unremarkable by comparison though there is a section where you briefly protect Camille Montes from Greene’s goons and it leads to a Casino Royale flashback that starts with an exciting and fairly accurate recreation of the parkour sequence, with you crashing, jumping, and balancing about a construction site, and leads you into the visually unique science centre. The airport sequence is a stealth mission in the first half and a firefight in the second, with you frantically clambering up stairs to take out the would-be suicide pilot. The train mission was once of the most visually impressive as you start in the passenger carriages with Vesper and venture onto the roof during a torrential downpour, hopping to a cargo train and picking off goons as you go. While we never see the poker game, players do sneak Bond into Casino Royale, pushing laundry carts, shimmying across ledges, and using the vents to reach the spa for a firefight. The visuals take a bit of a hit on the barge, though it does add to the tension as you race to find Vesper and the Venice mission makes up for it by being in broad daylight. Like the movie, the game culminates with Bond and Camille infiltrating Greene’s impressive, ring-shaped Eco Hotel lair, which both catches fire and is rocked by explosions that force you to find alternative paths to avoid being roasted.
Enemies and Bosses: As one of the duller James Bond movies to adapt to a videogame, Quantum of Solace features a forgettable slew of goons to mow down. While they will take cover, hunt you down, and toss grenades and their gunfire can ignite explosive barrels, their behaviour is generally predictable, and most can be put down with a few well-placed shots. If you’re spotted, they will shout for backup, generally bringing in better armed goons or perhaps guys in body armour, so it’s usually advised that you use stealth. At first, you’re just gunning down Mr. White’s bodyguards, but you do attack his helicopter to keep him from escaping, at least, and Bond can be easily put down if he runs head-first into an ambush. As you pursue Mitchell, he plants explosives and calls in goons to hold you off, with the game occasionally enforcing a “bullet time” sequence or rattling your senses when they use flash grenades. As ever, snipers can be the bane of your existence, especially at the opera house and science centre, so you’ll want to master the shimmying mini games and the sniper rifle to even the odds there. The science centre, especially, can swarm with machine gun-wielding guards if you’re not careful and the level layouts don’t always make it easy to spot who’s shooting you or from where. Even regular enemies can be troublesome on the train mission as you’re facing a strict timer to reach Vesper and they’re firing from all sides, making it easy to get caught in a crossfire. When infiltrating Greene’s Eco Hotel, you’ll encounter more of his “elite” guards (heavily-armed, armoured military types) who take a few more shots to put down. When pursuing Vesper through Venice, you’ll often get caught in a kill box as enemies bustle around courtyards and stick to the upper levels.
When you’re not taking out choppers and completing QTEs, you’re left to just gun foes down.
Sadly, boss battles are few in Quantum of Solace, with the game generally tossing in a timed challenge, a QTE, or forcing you to fend off waves of enemies either with your equipped weapons or, one time, a mounted turret. Helicopters crop up a couple of times, with you easily downing Mr. White’s chopper by blindly blasting at the cockpit and later using a convenient grenade launcher to take out another chopper at the science centre. This is a tougher objective, however, as the available cover doesn’t help much against the chopper’s guns and enemies drop in to cause you more grief. Another one pops up in the sinkhole mission, though there’s more cover and you can use a sniper rifle to target the pilot. Other bosses are reduced to simple QTE sequences that somewhat mirror the fight scenes from both movies. You battle Mitchell in a crumbling tower, for example, and machete-wielding Steven Obanno in a staircase at the Casino Royale. Naturally, you’ll want to pay attention to what’s happening as you’ll fail if you press the wrong button and you’re sometimes asked to mash a button. While Vesper’s busying drowning, Bond is jumped by Adolph Gettler, who stands there and unloads with his pistol. Since Bond is so desperate and grief-stricken, you’re only option is to take aim and fire with a nearby nail gun before you’re killed. As in the movie, Camille finishes off the depraved General Luiz Medrano, but you must shoot an explosive target to give her the chance. These same targets appear when you finally have your showdown with Greene, who wisely takes the high ground and calls in his elite guards to bombard you with gunfire. Since there’s plenty of cover and your objective is to kill Greene, and you only have forty-five seconds before the Eco Hotel explodes, you can just shoot the explosive targets to put him down and then make a break for it with Camille for a different, but equally unsatisfying ending.
Additional Features: There are fifty Achievements in Quantum of Solace. While many are now unobtainable as the Xbox Live network is down, these are still the only reason to sit through his forgettable game as they’re pretty simple. You get Achievements for completing each chapter and four for beating each difficulty mode. You’ll get an Achievement for finding some and all cell phones, hacking every lock, scoring fifty headshots, and executing fifty takedowns. Best of all, every level features a unique Achievement tied to it to encourage a replay (easily done after clearing the game and unlocking the chapter select). These require you to use only the P99 on the train, reach the Casino Royale spa and airport server room without being spotted, destroy every overhead light in the science centre, shoot down seven satellite dishes on the rooftops of Siena, and rescue Vesper in less than two minutes on the barge. The multiplayer mode offered standard options like free-for-all-team-based combat, and capture the flag. You could pick different maps based on the game’s missions, customise weapon loadouts, choose to play as either Bond/MI6 or the mysterious “Organisation”, and fight for control of the legendary Golden Gun or to disarm bombs. You would also earn points by playing the multiplayer mode, which could be spent on weapons, gadgets, and attachments, all for additional Achievements and to add a bit more spice to your deathmatches.
Final Thoughts: I first played Quantum of Solace years ago as part of my research for my Master’s degree (I did an essay about James Bond videogames). The experience was so shallow and by-the-numbers that I shied away from modern James Bond videogames for many years, only playing them out of sheer morbid curiosity or content for the website. Going back to it now, it’s not as bad as some later games (mainly because Bond isn’t using his damn cell phone for everything), but it’s still a dull and ultimately forgettable experience. It’s telling that so much of the game is based around Casino Royale as Quantum of Solace just isn’t interesting enough to carry the action. The gunplay and basic mechanics are serviceable, but the weapon selection is largely uninspired and there’s not a lot of meat on its bones as it’s simply another hastily thrown together cash-in title that ends up being a poor man’s Call of Duty. I could forgive the lifeless character models if Quantum of Solace didn’t cheap out with its fancy PowerPoint cutscenes, which are just so cheap and insulting that there’s little point in paying attention to the story. There’s little incentive to explore unless you’re desperate to find all those cell phones, what few “bosses” there are are just bog standard QTEs, and you’re barely encouraged to do more than just barge through all guns blazing. It’s a shame as the environments are pretty good, especially for the time, and there’s the ghost of some decent mechanics here. Sadly, knowing these would be both convoluted and driven into the ground by subsequent Bond games only drags Quantum of Solace down further as it set a bad standard for the franchise. As ever, you’re better off sticking to the classics rather than wasting time on this one, unless you fancy boosting your Gamer Score for an affordable price.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
Were you also disappointed by Quantum of Solace? Did you enjoy the Call of Duty-inspired gameplay or do you agree that it set a bad precedent for the franchise? What did you think to the stealth mechanics and gimmicks like the hacking mini game and balance beams? Did you also find the Casino Royale missions the most enjoyable? Did you ever play the multiplayer mode and, if so, how was it? Which James Bond videogame is your favourite? How are you celebrating 007 this month? Share your thoughts down below, check out my other James Bond content, and go suggest anther Bond videogame for me to review by donating to my Ko-Fi.
Gameplay and Power-Ups: RetroRealms is a throwback to the classic 8- and 16-bit era, bringing two of horror’s unlikeliest franchises together for the first time. It’s certainly an odd fit, placing elements from the Evil Dead franchise into the largely grounded Halloween series rather than, say, Friday the 13th(Various, 1980 to present), but it works surprisingly well. It probably helps that both franchises are technically separated, with the collection presenting them as two cabinets in a long-abandoned arcade, though they share enemies, playable characters, and controls. No matter which game you play, you can pick between two characters (Michael Myers/The Shape and Ashley “Ash” Williams), with two more available via DLC. Non-intrusive in-game tutorials and signposts explain the mechanics and controls, which you can review from the pause menu. Every character shares the same controls, though they have different attributes and abilities to help them stand out. So, while every character attacks with X, charges a strong attack by holding X, and jumps with A, their charged move differs. Ash, for example, unloads with his “boomstick” while Myers performs a dashing stab with his trademark kitchen knife. Characters automatically clamber over ledges and can hop down by pressing down and A on certain flooring, and all progress upwards with a wall jump. You can attack upwards and in mid-air, even bouncing off them similar to the 8-bit classic DuckTales (Capcom, 1989). As you dispatch enemies, you’ll grab collectibles for cash. After clearing a World, you visit the shop to purchase upgrades and additional moves, allowing you to boost your maximum health, add combos to your attacks, and unlock fancier attacks. This adds a spinning slash to Ash’s arsenal to send heads rolling, sees him crash down on enemies with his robotic hand by pressing the Left Bumper in mid-air, and flinging his chainsaw arm upwards to extend his jump.
Hack-and-slash your way through two realms teeming with demons and Deadites alike!
Similarly, Myers unlocks a standing spin to decapitate enemies, slams on them from above with LB, or performs an upwards slash with the Right Bumper to reach higher ground escape bottomless pits. Pressing down and A when stationary performs a dash to fit in narrow vents, with characters becoming temporarily invincible as a bonus. Players also press B to enter the “Shadow Realm”, a Hellish dimension where Deadites roam, lava burns, and monstrous boils cover every surface. This lasts as long as your meter, which automatically refills, and you must switch between the two realms to reach hidden areas or progress further as some walls and platforms are intangible in different realms. You must be careful, though, as shifting realms can place you inside walls, which sets you back and costs you some health. Defeated enemies may drop partial or full refills for your health or meter and you’re granted unlimited lives, but only a single checkpoint per stage as each stage is split into two levels. You’ll also come across non-playable characters who gift you a sub-weapon, thrown with Y (though you can only hold one at a time). Ash attacks with his chainsaw and shotgun, gaining extra weapons by smashing coloured crates. These see him hurl the Kandarian dagger, toss a flaming lantern to set enemies and vicious roots alight, fire a nail gun to stun enemies, or chuck an axe. Killing innocent bystanders grants Myers similar sub-weapons, with him tossing a pitchfork or a hammer, though he also utilises a boomerang-like sickle and bolas. Each sub-weapon costs a different amount of ammo to use, which you find in crates or by slaughtering enemies, and the axe and hammer even bounce to hit multiple enemies. Both games include propane tanks to hit to take out groups of enemies and weighted pallets to release, which crush those beneath, and fire hydrants to blast enemies with a water jet. Some enemy attacks, particularly exploding gas canisters, also kill enemies and you instantly explode them into a shower of gore if you realm shift where they’re standing.
Use wind currents, avoid spikes and flaming oil, and move between realms to progress in both games.
While you mostly slaughter Deadites and escaped mental patients (and random bystanders as Myers), you’ll switch between realms more as each game progresses. This largely comes to an apex in the final World, where players wander the Deadite dimension, with previous stages mostly offering some tricky platforming challenges. Both Ash and Myers must jump to moving and temporary platforms, with some exploding beneath you and others carrying you across spike pits or bottomless drops. Vertical and horizontal wind currents push you to higher ground or carry you across larger gaps, though they also hinder you if you push against them. You’ll crash through windows, cutting through trailer homes and dilapidated cabins, leap to rickety towers, floodlights, and construction towers to progress, and uncover hidden paths by realm shifting to snag hidden goodies. Ash fights through an S-Mart Value Store, Myers clears out his family home, and both dodge and jump to falling chandeliers. Ash fights through the haunted forest, avoiding acidic water and being set upon by redneck zombies, while Myers cuts through Haddonfield, crossing huge bottomless pits caused by roadworks. Toxic gunk, acidic water, and fireballs are regular hazards but seem more prominent in Ash vs. Evil Dead, where fireballs often mess up your jumps. While rampaging through Phelps Garage, Myers slips about on oily ground that bursts into flames when enemies toss petrol canisters from the background, hazards that dog Ash as he fights through Elks Grove. Players also jump to conveyor belts, either being carried along by them, gingerly wall jumping or being carried up vertical belts, or even using them as moving platforms. Crushing hazards spell instant death in the Overlord’s castle, and you’ll be dodging spike pits and spiked walls, either by using platforms or riding wind currents, gnashing your teeth when your jumps are a single pixel off and drop you down a pit.
Presentation: RetroRealms offers a fun, if somewhat sparse, hub world that expands as you clear Worlds. It’s a fun little 3D background to the retro stylings of both games. Neither game includes voice acting beyond anguished screams or monstrous roars, so dialogue is conveyed entirely through text. The story changes depending on who you play as, with Myers being comically silent and Ash providing snappy retorts. Ash vs. Evil Dead mostly pulls from the show’s first season, with him battling through Mossy Haven Trailer Park and even encountering Vivian Johnson, tangling with Eligos in Books from Beyond, and returning to the haunted cabin to confront Ruby Knowby, all while hacking and slashing through hordes of Deadites. Likewise, Halloween is a purely sprite-based, arcade-style adventure, featuring a chip tune rendition of the iconic theme tune and minor idle poses for the Shape, where he yanks down his mask, breathes deeply, and cocks his head inquisitively. While Myers has a larger hit box than Ash and is noticeably slower and clunkier, it’s to be expected of the Shape, who lumbers about slaughtering orderlies and Deadites alike. Blood splatters, heads roll, and bodies litter the backgrounds, with many enemies respawning once you move slightly off camera to either hinder you by sapping your health and knocking you down pits or help you by allowing you to “farm” resources. The realm gimmick is fun, essentially giving every World two skins, with the Nightmare Realm being a dimension of pure suffering and chaos. While you only spend a brief time here, it’s enough to see gaping maws, pillars of viscera and blood, rivers of lava, and hordes of Deadites lurking in the background. The Deadites are much stronger and more aggressive here, with the standard enemies constantly resurrecting, and it can be tricky discerning where you can go since everything’s so twisted and awful. It’s impressive, however, especially in the Overlord’s challenging castle. While the games run smoothly for the most part, I did experience some odd moments where the music cut out and an annoying glitch where Ruby stopped summoning demons, so I had to reset the game.
Pick your game and enter a bloody, action-packed throwback to the games of yesteryear.
After crashing through trailer park homes in Mossy Haven, splattering blood over the gaudy garden furniture and flamingo ornaments, Ash returns to the creepy woods, with the bridge, crooked trees, and even skewered bodies visible in the raging background. While his time in the iconic cabin is brief, all the weird, haunted furnishings appear and Ash’s severed hand crawls in the foreground. Deadites also tear apart military personnel and vehicles on the streets of Elks Grove. Players venture into the rusted, dilapidated Sunny Meadows Asylum, where scrawled renditions of the Necronomicon line the walls, before fighting through the wrecked laundry room and fending off vicious little Mini Ash’s. Similarly, Halloween begins in Smith’s Grove Sanatorium and sees Michael hack through guards and inmates as patients flee across the rainswept fields. Myers then rampages through a garage and junkyard before terrorising Haddonfield. A storm rages in most backgrounds, trick-or-treaters can be seen in the streets, and you’ll cut down the trespassers in Michael’s childhood home. Myers then ventures into a creepy cemetery and crematorium, passing crypts and catacombs, and wades through disgusting sewers and dilapidated tunnels. It perfectly captures the visual aesthetic of the original movie, right down to including sprite recreations of Michael’s first kill and his sister’s tombstone. When each character reaches the Overload’s castle, they’re greeted by a desolate, gothic, Hellish landscape and battle through a fully stocked dungeon, including Iron Maidens, chains, and propane tanks to clear out Deadite hordes. Huge, ominous structures, hooked chains, and gruesome bloody imagery are everywhere in this hellscape, which includes basically every previous hazard and stage gimmick. This means you’ll ride conveyor belts past crushing hazards, wall jump between and precariously hop to those same hazards, and dodge flames, acid water, and fireballs galore to reach the Overlord’s throne room.
Enemies and Bosses: Ash’s primary enemy are those possessed by the Necronomicon, meaning he must cut down zombified trailer park trash, civilians, and lumberjacks. Most just wander about, but the ghoulish females and other variants spit phlegm and some of the possessed Value Store employees take a couple of hits to put down. Others, like the red-clothed employees and mad scientists carrying Ash puppets, explode after you deal damage, flinging you across the screen if you’re close. Ravenous little Mini Ash’s and killer dolls cling to you, stunting your jump and keeping you from attacking unless you shake them off. Michael Myers, meanwhile, cuts down guards, crazed inmates, construction workers, cops, and groundskeepers. While the inmates simply run around, security guards and other enemies toss projectiles that leave a flaming hazard on the ground, which can be aggravating. Mechanics and vagrants burst from doors and the background to charge you (which I found surprisingly difficult), gravediggers shovel up dirt, and injured bystanders crawl along the ground to whittle down your health. Naturally, players must also tangle with a host of monstrous Deadites, with projectile-firing eyeballs being a constant headache, respawing flying eyeballs screwing up your jumps, and zombie-like Deadite grunts springing to life after being put down. While the more troublesome Deadite variants are limited to the Nightmare Realm for most of the game, they do seep into the main game as you progress, with vicious spider-like Deadites charging across the ground, weird little cherubs screwing up your controls, bulbous mounds of fatty flesh sending you flying, and these weird phallic monsters spitting acid. You must also avoid flaming hazards, spike pits and walls, fireballs, acidic water, and bottomless pits, which become doubly troubling when platforms explode beneath you…or you forget to keep an eye on your meter.
Ash must put some of his old enemies back into the dirt to reach the monstrous Overlord.
At the end of each World, Ash battles a demonic entity conjured by the malicious Deadite Overlord. First, Ash’s neighbour Vivian is transformed into a gangly grotesque that scuttles about, leaving herself wide open to your pogo attack, before tricking you by hiding behind hanging sheets. When back in the cabin, players battle not Ruby Knowby, but the swarms of ghoulish Deadites she summons into the basement. Clear out each wave to damage her, taking advantage of the restorative cocktails when they appear, if necessary. After battling through Elks Grove, Ash faces a rematch against Eligos, a terrifying little demon who constantly teleports about the bookstore and tosses energy orbs. After a few hits, it returns to the store’s inner sanctum, speeding up and keeping you on your toes with spiralling lightning bolts. In the asylum, players face Evil Ash, an exact duplicate of Ash who uses the same moves and sub-weapons alongside a ground pound that can be tough to avoid. Though Evil Ash stops to laugh at you, he’s fast and hits hard, so it can be tricky to put him down. Similarly, the surprise battle against Ash’s possessed 973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale can be challenging as there’s no checkpoint before it and it takes up a lot of screen space. The axe is essential here, as is your dodge roll, and memorising the pattern of the tyres it fires. The Overlord forces you to battle the gigantic demon Kandar, who fills the background, spews fire, and slams the ground with its massive fists, causing flaming debris to fall. You must toss axes or use Ash’s chainsaw uppercut to hit the demon’s giant face, taking care to avoid as much damage as possible as the Overlord interrupts halfway through to finish the job! This sees you hopping to moving platforms over a giant pit, slashing and striking the grotesque eyeballs on the Overlord’s Kaiju-sized body and avoiding the orbs he fires, which can be tricky if you miss-time your jumps or enter the fight with low health.
Myers battles some familiar, if demonic faces, before cutting through the Overlord.
The Overlord also conjures a few fitting challenges for the maniacal Michael Myers. First, he pits Myers against the hulking Mister F, a deranged mental patient who stamps around outside the asylum, headbutting you, stomping the pavement tiles in a shockwave, and calling in the crazies to rush the screen. It’s best to keep your distance with your sub-weapons, then dash in with Myers’ charge attack, as Mister F has a large hit box. Next, the Overlord furnishes Phelps Junior with a demonic vehicle that switches between firing spikes, drilling into the ground to lure you in, rolling along with a giant wheel, and producing a shockwave with a huge weight. Regardless of the configuration, the charged jumping strike is your best bet as the vehicle can only be damaged by hitting the main cab. World 3 offers a battle against Michael’s archenemies, Doctor Samuel Loomis and Laurie Strode, with both throwing Molotov cocktails and a spread of knitting needles, respectively. While it can be tough avoiding these as Myers is so big, it’s best to focus on one enemy at a time, launching your projectile to stun or attack the other when you can. After fighting through World 4’s cemetery, Myers is finally reunited with his sister, Judith, now a gigantic, monstrous Deadite banshee who’s a fun homage to Mega Man 2 (Capcom, 1988). Accordingly, you hop to platforms as she chases you, avoiding dropping down the pit and her flame pillars, then use platforms to toss projectiles and slash at the ghoul, switching to different platforms when she sets them alight and avoiding her large flame attack. Before you battle the Overlord, he forces Myers to face a shadowy reflection of himself. Shadow Myers teleports, slashes, tosses pitchforks, and proves a troublesome foe, doubly so as you’re left to face the Overlord with whatever health you have left and must fight Shadow Myers again if you die. However, if you simply stand still, Shadow Myers will explode, making the Overlord much easier. The demonic entity floats about raining fireballs, conjuring pillars of energy, swirling fireballs about the screen, and disappearing into the darkness, but your Darkness Rising and hammer sub-weapon will make short work of him.
Additional Features: There are fourteen Achievements in the base game for RetroRealms, twenty-three in both Ash vs. Evil Dead and Halloween, and a further seven in each game’s DLC, for a total of seventy-four Achievements! You’ll get Achievements for simply loading the game, trying to exit the arcade, viewing the credits, watching the developer videos, buying a souvenir, or viewing a diorama. Achievements pop when you clear each World, use each character’s charge attack 100 times, using each sub-weapon in different ways, pogo off enemies, and kill a certain number of enemies, or visit the Nightmare Realm 300 times. Additional Achievements pop if you finish a stage without your weapons in any way, quickly defeating bosses or Worlds, and for finding every collectible. Each World has three pages of the Necronomicon or three jack-o’-lanterns to find that are tallied for this Achievement, though you’ll also find tickets to purchase souvenirs in the hub world. You can compare your times and scores against others using the online leaderboards (though there’s no online play here) and get some fun collector’s cards and all the DLC if you buy the physical version, which adds Laurie and Kelly Maxwell as playable characters. Each has similar Achievements tied to them (use sub-weapons, clear Worlds, be active for 300 minutes, etc), alters the dialogue and the story (Laurie’s trying to rescue Tommy Doyle from the Overlord, for example), and has different attributes and sub-weapons. Kelly attacks with a meat cleaver, giving her a shorter reach than Ash, but makes up for it with a machine gun as her charged move, which can be fired in multiple directions, and using a rocket launcher in place of an uppercut. Laurie attacks with knitting needles, firing them in a spread as her charged attack, has a handy double jump and a ground dash, and is smaller, faster, but weaker than Myers. Both have similar sub-weapons to each other and compared to the main game, though they have unique items that let them slow down enemies for a short time and Kelly gets a flaming shield to protect her.
Final Thoughts: I was excited for RetroRealms when I first heard of it as I’m a sucker for retro throwback titles, especially hack-and-slash games, and a big fan of both franchises. While it is really weird seeing these two worlds collide, I got over it pretty quickly and found it amusing seeing Michael Myers basically ignore everything the Overlord says and go on a rampage! It was super fun revisiting locations from Ash vs. Evil Dead but, as I haven’t watched the show for a while, it was World 2 that stuck with me the most as you return to the infamous forest and enter the iconic haunted cabin, a location sadly underutilised here. The star of the show, for me, was Halloween, since the franchise has far less videogame adaptations compared to Evil Dead. Halloween does a fantastic job of adapting the first film into this surreal narrative, recreating key locations and even splicing in elements from other films, such as a mechanic resembling “Big Joe” Grizzly from the 2007 remake (though there’s sadly no reality TV stars in the Myers house). While platforming can be clunky and challenging due to Myers’ size, it was extremely satisfying hacking heads off and slicing through innocents and Deadites alike. The bosses were very fun, particularly the battle against Dr. Loomis and Laurie and Shadow Myers, being just the right level of challenge. While it’s frustrating taking damage, being knocked down a pit, or trapping yourself in a wall, it’s all very much in the spirit of old school games like the Castlevania(Konami/Various, 1986 to present), Mega Man(Capcom/Various, 1987 to present), and Metroid(Various, 1986 to present) videogames. I really enjoyed the realm-shifting gimmick, to the point where I kind of wish the games included a hard or alternative mode where you primarily play in the Nightmare Realm, and the gruesome imagery and bloody effects. The sprite work and environments are all fantastically well realised, especially in Halloween, and the gameplay was tight and responsive, with the games providing just enough challenge to keep you going without being too frustrating. I’d love to see more franchises added to the RetroRealms arcade but, as is, these were really fun, bite-sized offerings that brought a smile to my face.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Great Stuff
Which of the two games included in the RetroRealms arcade was your favourite? Were you surprised to see these two franchises mashed together like this? Did you enjoy cutting Deadites up as Ash? Did you also struggle to fight his Oldsmobile? What did you think to the sprite reaction of Halloween? Did you enjoy the fight against Dr. Loomis and Laurie? Did you ever find all the collectibles and purchase every souvenir? Which horror franchise would you like to see remade in this way? What horror-theme videogames are you playing this Halloween? Whatever your thoughts on these games, drop a comment below, check out my other horror content, and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest more Evil Dead and Halloween reviews.
Gameplay and Power-Ups: Hellboy: The Science of Evil is a third-person hack-and-slash (more of a “bash-and-smash” thanks to Hellboy’s signature Right Hand of Doom) that primarily follows Hellboy’s quest to track down a malicious witch but which features flashbacks to his earlier cases and run-ins with Nazi forces and ends with him confronting crazed Nazi commandant Herman von Klempt at his gothic castle. While the developers may have hoped to make something akin to the Devil May Cry(Capcom/Ninja Theory, 2001 to present) and God of War franchises (Various, 2005 to 2024), they instead lumbered players with a repetitive brawler that features no skill tree to expand upon, few collectibles, and a far too short campaign mode that drags out its runtime with mindless brawling and dodgy platforming. Players make Hellboy (or his allies, fishman Abraham “Abe” Sapien and pyrokinetic Elizabeth “Liz” Sherman in the co-op multiplayer mode) jump with A (holding it to jump higher and tapping it to clamber over ledges) and attack with X (for quick, light strikes) and Y (for heavier strikes or hold it for charged “Boom” attacks that stun enemies). You can dive roll by pressing A and X together (though its use as a dodge is negligible), perform a jumping strike or ground pound (at the cost of some energy), and grapple with the Right Trigger. You can then pummel and toss enemies or instantly kill them with B if you have enough energy. If knocked down, you must tap Y to recover and you must also do this if you respawn after a death. There are no lives here and plenty of checkpoints, and Hellboy’s health automatically refills after a short time (or if you perform a jumping ground slam). Smashing enemies or the environment sees you collecting blue energy to fill your meter, which lets you instantly kill enemies and perform some moves, and you’ll extend this meter by finding artefacts in each area.
Whether playing alone or in co-op, the action quickly becomes tedious and repetitive.
You shoot Hellboy’s versatile handgun, the Samaritan, with the Left Trigger. Although you can freely aim with the right stick, I wouldn’t recommend this as the aiming reticle is as tricky and unreliable as the grapple, which often failed to register my inputs. Hellboy can shoot lots of ammo types, with some being more effective against certain enemies, from regular rounds and the shotgun-like shots to grenades, flame rounds, and magic crystals. You cycle between these with the Left Bumper and collect ammo from crates dotted (or hidden) about, repeatedly tapping RT until your ammo is full. When your energy is full, you can enter “Hellmode” by pressing in both control sticks. This temporarily boosts your speed and attack power or unleashes a flaming shockwave, though I found this to be relatively useless as it doesn’t last long. Hellboy can also grab various weapons (barrels, stone slabs, massive warhammers, drainpipes, swords, and such) to use or throw at enemies. Though these are great for crowd control, can light lanterns or defeat certain foes, and will stun larger enemies, they break pretty quickly. Performing your grapple finish on certain enemies disarms them, gifting you a unique weapon like a machine gun or an exploding round, and you can execute a few basic combos by mashing different combinations of X and Y. However, most enemies take a hell of a beating and continuously swarm the area, to the point where I often felt like the game was glitching. Different enemy types attack each other, which is helpful, and a friend can help you out in the co-op mode, but combat becomes very tedious very quickly as it’s primarily slow, uninteresting punching. It might’ve been nice if you gained experience points to trade in for some fun new moves, like spewing hellfire or some kind of spinning attack, or could upgrade Hellboy’s Hellfire mode to see him go on a rampage as Anung Un Rama. Instead, you’re left with the same moveset for the whole game, with Hellboy acquiring new ammo and little else.
Puzzles and combat often boil down to mashing the same buttons or performing the same actions.
There are no difficulty modes here, though you can enable “friendly fire” to make co-op more frustrating interesting. The game is divided into six chapters, each containing a handful of sub-chapters and asking you to follow a fairly linear path. Along the way, you’re beset by enemies you can largely ignore unless a “ghost barrier” blocks your way. In these instances, you must defeat all nearby enemies to dispel the barrier. Other times, you must cut through ghost tentacles with a special crystalline sword or blast them with your crystal rounds. Occasionally, you activate levers to open gates, stop toxic gas spewing into the arena, or create new walkways. You do this by holding RT and tapping X, which is the go-to method for every “puzzle”. Spot a glowing wall? RT+X to smash through it. Path blocked by fallen trees, rocks, or stalled vehicles? RT+X to clear them. Need to ring a giant bell or push over a column to make a path? RT+X. You get the picture, I’m sure. The game gives the illusion of offering side quests by having Hellboy interact with corpses who ask him to do a task for them to open gates or doors. These generally amount to smashing up some enemies and, you guessed it, holding RT and tapping X. Cursed graves endlessly spawn enemies in the first chapter, but they’re easily destroyed with exploding Bambini heads. Enchanted coffins also appear here, though your “release” ammo will remove their threat and allow you to RT+X to open them for such rewards as…nothing or some ammo. While platforming challenges are light, they’re annoying due to the useless camera, which often switches to different perspectives and angles to screw up your controls. Chapter two introduces the lantern mechanic, where you must light torches and get rid of gnarled roots blocking your path, but this is more aggravating than fun as you must often backtrack for torches. Chapter four also sees you hurling frog monsters down pits to light torches and open gates.
Presentation: I was somewhat optimistic about Hellboy: The Science of Evil when I heard Marco Beltrami’s Hellboy (Del Toro, 2004) theme on the main menu and saw that Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, and Doug Jones were reprising their film roles. However, the game has a very confused identity and isn’t sure if it’s a movie tie-in, a spin-off from the comics, or something else entirely. While Hellboy looks and sounds like he does in the film, this world seems very different and closer to the comic books, being full of witches, ghosts, zombies, and other supernatural threats. While Hellboy’s stone arm lights up and even bursts into flame, and he adopts different outfits for each chapter, he has no idle poses and repeats the same one-liners and nonsensical statements throughout the game. There are no pre-rendered cutscenes and, strangely, barely any story. There’s some text between chapters and a handful of cutscenes that use the in-game models, but I was very confused about what was happening as there’s no real introduction, chapters abruptly end and jump to the past with little explanation, and the game essentially has no ending, either, as Hellboy’s just blasted into the water after defeating the final boss and the credits roll! I didn’t play in co-op so I have no idea if Abe and Liz appear in cutscenes, but it seems like they don’t, which is weird, and the story felt very disconnected and slapped together to me. This was a shame as it could’ve taken more inspiration from the source material or even retold key moments from the first movie to better tie things together. While the game performs relatively well, I did have some odd moments where the camera got stuck, Hellboy wouldn’t build energy, and the music cut out or oddly looped.
The visual style is somewhere between the comics and the first film, making for a confused game.
While you visit various locations and time periods in Hellboy: The Science of Evil, they’re all very drab and repetitive but I give the game kudos for evoking the dark, gothic aesthetic of the comics over the slightly more polished and sci-fi-esque presentation of the first film. You begin in the Carpathian Mountains of 2007 Romania, smashing your way through a mausoleum and emerging in a crooked, foreboding graveyard full of crypts, gravestones, gnarled trees, and dishevelled woods. A cauldron of bats often swarms in doorways or as you enter new areas, which serve as the calling card of the crazed witch Hellboy’s pursuing, and you’ll find crypts home to loquacious skeletons, a sentient gate who demands a password, and flame pits in dank caverns. Chapter two flashes back twenty-three years to a misty forest in Japan, where Hellboy follows a magical kitsune, encounters a mysterious, isolated monk who offers some exposition, and follows snaking cobblestone paths and fights through a bamboo forest. Pagodas are dotted about and this is where you experience how destructible much of the environment is, though it largely amounts to building your energy meter and discovering the odd collectible. Chapter three returns you to Romania, depositing you in an abandoned village beset by a thunderstorm. I liked the rain effect and lightning flashes and fighting in the narrow streets and on the precarious rooftops in this area. You also detour through a house to encounter a tortured suicide victim and eventually land in some dank catacombs home to disgusting frog monsters. This sewer-like area is alive with slimy egg sacs and razor-sharp tentacles (which helpfully target enemies), scurrying rats, and vaguely Lovecraftian statues. Chapter five flashes back to 1967 Tunisia, where you battle Nazi zombies in the ruins of an archaeological dig, smashing apart their camps, odd crystalline growths, and crashing through ruins. You end up in von Klempt’s gothic castle, a distinctly Mignolaian setting full of 1930s style laboratory equipment, Nazi paraphernalia, and the leftovers of their atrocious experiments with the occult.
Enemies and Bosses: While there are only a handful of enemy types in Hellboy: The Science of Evil and the game is more likely to toss mini bosses at you and quickly make them regular enemies than wow you with big, action-packed boss battles, most enemies are somewhat unique to their chapter to give each setting a distinct personality (though they all show up in chapter six). At first, you’re beset by pigmy-like Bambinis, mischievous little imps who toss their explosive heads and scamper all over you. They’re relatively harmless unless they clamber onto your back; I had trouble working out how to throw them off before they drained my health. A slightly bigger variant wielding a chain also shows up and the Bambinis chip away at you as you face a pack of werewolves (though these guys look more fearsome than they are and simply swipe, howl, and bite). In Japan, you battle spear-carrying kabuki warriors (whose weapons can be stolen to light lanterns) and encounter troll-like oni, who guard against your attacks, bash your head in with their large metal clubs., and push you back with a sonic blast. You also battle katana carrying demons who swipe and charge with their blades. These guys introduce a mechanic where you must stun them, grapple them, and hit Y to counter their attacks, mash X to pummel, and finish them off with B when prompted. This strategy works on the giant Bambinis (who tackle you, toss exploding Bambini heads, and grab you and throw you into walls), the horned frog monsters, and the cybernetically enhanced apes you later encounter. You fight frog monsters in the sewers (through they’re easily tossed onto spikes) and various Nazi zombies. These guys can take a hell of a beating in chapter five and wield machine guns, electrifying blade arms, grenade launchers, and even these weird, steampunk-esque buzzsaw weapons!
Bosses are as disappointing as the gameplay and lack the visual spectacle I’d expect from the license.
Hellboy constantly encounters a witch in Romania. Each encounter takes place in a different arena but is essentially the same, with her always teleporting as a cloud of bats and tossing exploding Bambini heads. You must throw these (or other objects) back to send her packing and, in the final battle with the witch, you chase her to the rafters and finally corner her in the church attic, where you can get close enough to hit her. Hellboy’s hounded by a volatile cyborg ape…thing in chapter two and is trapped inside a pagoda with it at the chapter’s end. The large ape is deceptively fast with its leap and charge and has a hell of a reach thanks to its mechanical arms (which it fires and swings on chains). If you get too close, it grabs you and throws you about and, instead of fighting it, you attack pillars to drop down a few floors and eventually bring the whole structure down on it. Variations on this enemy appear in chapter six, with one surprising you on a narrow castle wall (however, I fled back and it seemed to despawn!) Chapter four ends with you dispatching some frog monsters and their horned giants, eventually destroying the central chamber of their lair, while chapter five culminates in a more aggravating boss battle against a large, Lovecraftian worm-thing. In the first phase, you must avoid the Nazis swarming the chamber and toss crystals at its mouth when it roars, then use RT+X on the nearby pillars to blast it with lasers. In the second phase, ignore the Nazis and attack with your unbreakable flaming sword, dodging its whipping tentacles to put it down. The game’s final boss is a demon unleashed by von Klempt that’s essentially fought like other giant enemies. You must stay away to avoid being pounded or eaten and dodge its erratic mouth laser, using any nearby debris to stun it or unloading with combos and your gun. Eventually, it’s joined by frog monsters and toxic gas and you must grab von Klempt’s floating cybernetic torso to finish it off, but this was a lacklustre end to a disappointingly mediocre game.
Additional Features: There are twenty-seven Achievements in Hellboy: The Science of Evil, with one awarded each time you complete a chapter. You can also kill twenty-five enemies with different weapons for some more, kick fifty Bambini heads for another, and toss fifty enemies onto spikes for another. Every chapter hides a hidden artifact and finding each nets you another six Achievements (then a seventh for finding them all). Fall off a cliff twenty times for an Achievement and invent time travel to go back to when Xbox Live was a thing to snag two more for finishing a multiplayer chapter with Ape and Liz. Artifacts and lore that boost your energy gauge are hidden in each chapter and playing through the game unlocks behind the scenes extras, interviews, and artwork. Completing each chapter unlocks it for you to replay from the main menu and finishing the game allows you to replay the main campaign with all the extra energy and ammo you’ve found. Although there was downloadable content planned where you’d play as Lobster Johnson and Achievements were programmed for this, it never released (not that you’d be able to get it now, or that I imagine it would’ve been that good!)
Final Thoughts: I’m a big fan of the Hellboy movies, and the character (despite not having read many of his adventures) so I was excited to get into Hellboy: The Science of Evil. Since it’s only tangentially related to the films and released soon after the first movie, I had high hopes it’d avoid the stigma of movie tie-in games. Unfortunately, this really was one of the most disappointing, barebones, cash grab licensed games I’ve ever played. There’s barely any story here and no effort put into any of the cutscenes or even the script, with Ron Perlman muttering statements that seem strangely disconnected to what’s happening and the game seemingly failing to tie into the films or the comics. While Hellboy looks great and the environments are okay, evoking both the movie and Mike Mignola’s distinctive art style, nothing interesting happens with the character or where he goes and the game just feels like a series of events loosely tied together. The combat is so boring and gets old super fast. With no skill tree or additional combos or attacks to learn, Hellboy feels underpowered and frustratingly limited. If the developers were aiming for something akin to a Devil May Cry or God of War title then they missed the mark by a wide margin with the slow, lumbering combat and unsatisfying gunplay. The puzzles were a joke, with every solution to any problem simply being to hold RT and tap X until you win. The quick-time-event-like moments with bigger enemies and bosses were as finnicky as the camera angles and the grab, leading to some frustrating moments. The bosses were laughable as well, with only one offering something more than what you’d get from a larger enemy, and the collectibles and replay value were sub-standard, at best. I’d say this one’s only worth playing if you can get it cheap (a tall order these days) but you’re better off sticking to the Devil May Cry or God of War games for a satisfying hack-and-slash adventure.
My Rating:
⭐
Rating: 1 out of 5.
Terrible
Are you a fan of Hellboy: The Science of Evil? If so…why? Were you disappointed that the game didn’t have more to do with the movies and comics? Would you have liked to see more unlockable combos and attacks? Which of the bosses and ammo types as your favourite? Did you ever play the game in co-op? Which Hellboy videogame is your favourite? Leave me a like and drop a comment below, then donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest more Hellboy content for the site.
The Review: Set about a year after Hellboy/Anung Un Rama (Ron Perlman) and his fellow monsters and humans at the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (B.P.R.D.) stopped a Lovecraftian threat from destroying the world, things have changed slightly in Hellboy’s life. He’s now in a relationship with fellow B.P.R.D. agent and pyrokinetic Elizabeth “Liz” Sherman (Selma Blair) and overseen by the fastidious Doctor Tom Manning (Jeffrey Tambor), who’s exhausted with Hellboy’s belligerent attitude and disrespect for authority. Yes, all that time the previous film spent setting up Agent John Myers (Rupert Evans) as Hellboy’s new carer is thrown out the window for a throwaway gag and Hellboy’s relationship with Manning is antagonistic again, with Manning exasperated at constantly having to cover up news reports and sightings of Hellboy. Hellboy still keeps his late adopted father, Professor Trevor Bruttenholm/Professor Broom (John Hurt), close to heart, fondly remembering childhood stories of King Balor (Roy Dotrice), king of the elves, his legendary, indestructible Golden Army, and the shaky truce King Balor forged between mythical creatures and humanity, which drove his son, Prince Nuada Silverlance (Luke Goss), into exile in disgust. Hellboy also still opposes the forces of darkness but continues to long for the spotlight, frustrated at being cooped up at B.R.P.D. headquarters and longing to be among the people he’s pledged to protect. While Manning generally placates Hellboy with treats like Cuban cigars, Hellboy openly mocks Manning’s orders and takes little heed in staying hidden, resulting in him dramatically revealing himself while he, Liz, and psychic Ichthyo sapien Abraham “Abe” Sapien (Doug Jones) investigate a mysterious massacre at an auction house, one that saw ravenous tooth fairies devour everyone present so Prince Nuada could retrieve part of his father’s lost golden crown.
When Hellboy’s longing for the spotlight backfires, he finds himself torn between two worlds.
Hellboy’s just as arrogant, irresponsible, and childish as ever, despite now being with Liz. She despairs of his cats, his oafish ways, and his longing to be liked and accepted by all, resulting in some tension between them as Hellboy can’t figure out what he’s done wrong. Unaware that Liz’s emotions are all over the place due to her being pregnant, Hellboy tries to win her over with his wit and recklessness, coming up short each time and leading to a drunken heart-to-heart between him and Abe after Abe falls for Prince Nuada’s sister, Princess Nuala (Anna Walton), and experiences his own troubles with emotion. Although Hellboy gets his wish to be in the spotlight and is initially elated to be exposed, Liz is uncomfortable with being gawked at and even Hellboy is disturbed by how the public reacts to him as they later openly hate and fear him even when he’s doing good. Hellboy feels far more comfortable in the hidden troll market, a bizarre underworld inhabited by all manner of creatures, and finds himself conflicted when Prince Nuada sics the gargantuan forest god upon him and tempts Hellboy with abandoning humanity in favour of monsters. Thanks to Professor Broom’s teachings, Hellboy stays the course, which leads to greater physical and emotional pain when the public angrily reject him and Prince Nuada mortally wounds him, forcing Liz to condemn the world to an eventual fiery end at Hellboy’s hands to save him. Hellboy is amazed to learn that he’s to “become father”, having clearly never expected that he would fulfil his beloved adopted father’s role, but is so eager to embrace the task that he quits the B.R.P.D. once the threat to the world has ended. As ever, Ron Perlman is a joy in this role, portraying Hellboy as a lovable goof who’s a little too full of himself at times, and who’s trying to do his best. He doesn’t necessarily like taking out his “own kind”, however, and is sympathetic to both sides as he walks both worlds, but always defends what is morally right for the majority in the end.
While Liz is as bland as ever, Abe shines in the spotlight faces his own romantic crisis.
Although she clearly has far better control of her powers (and better fire CGI to boot), Liz is still the weak link thanks to Selma Blair’s awkwardly wooden and vapid performance. She has no chemistry with Hellboy, or anyone for that matter, and it’s easy to forget about her or dislike her due to her temper tantrums. Despite being pregnant, she doesn’t have much to do and only really comes to the forefront when bringing the injured Hellboy to the Angel of Death (Doug Jones) to barter for his life, reversing their positions from the last film as she’s the one condemning the Earth to an apocalypse by saving her lover. On the plus side, Abe has a much larger role this time, first in accidentally discovering Liz’s pregnancy and then in how he instantly falls for Princess Nuala. While his psychic abilities, intuition, maturity, and intellect make Abe a far less volatile character than Hellboy, he’s still bashful about his feelings and struggles to express them. Hellboy tries to help him with beer and love songs, but Abe’s connection to Princess Nuala is mainly realised through their shared psychic powers. Abe is fiercely protective of Princess Nuala, despite being outmatched by Prince Nuada and his troll-like henchman, Mister Wink (Brian Steele), and somewhat compromises Hellboy’s ability to fight as any damage done to Prince Nuada is mirrored on Princess Nuala (and vice versa). This comes to a head when Prince Nuada effectively takes his sister hostage and threatens to harm her in return for the final piece of the golden crown, something Abe willingly hands over despite it meaning Prince Nuada will be able to send the Golden Army against humanity. Abe reasons that Hellboy made a similar decision to forsake the world for love in the last movie but is noticeably more naïve regarding his intentions and the trustworthiness of Prince Nuada, who never considered peace between the worlds an option.
Johann’s officious nature sees him clash with Hellboy, who struggles with the morality of his job.
Thanks to Hellboy’s recklessness, the B.R.P.D. are joined by the officious Doctor Johann Krauss (James Dodd, John Alexander, and Seth MacFarlane), a German spectre housed in a special containment suit who’s brought in to bring some order to the team. While Manning is impressed by Johann and takes every opportunity to kiss his ass, Hellboy is apathetic towards his new superior, who regards him as insubordinate, brutish, and boorish. Despite being little more than mist, Johann is more than just an intellectual as he can possess inanimate objects and even the legendary Golden Army to overwhelm foes, with this ability giving the team the leads they need to track down Prince Nuada. While we only get a vague hint towards his backstory, Johann is seen to be a very by-the-book official with little sentiment towards endangered creatures like the forest god. His concern is to the mission and the safety of humanity, though his conduct and appearance mean few give him the respect he feels he deserves. An emotional outburst from Liz triggers a core memory in Johann that sees him willingly defy orders and accompany the others to the Giant’s Causeway to save Hellboy and find Prince Nuada, and he also quits the B.R.P.D. alongside Hellboy, Abe, and Liz after rediscovering his humanity and compassion. Johann seems nonplussed at the public’s reaction towards him but is equally out of his element in the troll market, where he’s explicitly ignored by the locals. Few of these colourful creatures are forthcoming with aid towards Hellboy and the others, however, requiring physical coercion to give up clues or, in the case of the legless Bethmoora Goblin (John Alexander), a trinket to offer help.
A complex villain, Prince Nuada desperately wants to reclaim a world who beauty has been ruined by humanity.
Returning from a self-imposed exile, Prince Nuada has only grown more disgusted with humanity, whom he sees as weak, violent, and ignorant to the fantastical nature of the world. While he loves his father, Prince Nuada is repulsed by the old elf clinging to ways long forgotten by mankind and seeks to remind them of what dwells in the shadows and beneath their feet, regretfully murdering King Balor to kick-start his search for the golden crown. Despite his convictions, Prince Nuada is deeply devoted to his sister, with the two of them sharing a psychic bond and feeling each other’s pain. Even his love for Princess Nuala isn’t enough to keep Prince Nuada from slaughtering those in his way using either henchmen like Mr. Wink or creatures like the tooth fairies, or his own adept skills with a sword or spear. While Hellboy is brutish and undisciplined, Prince Nuada moves like the wind, deftly defying gravity and moving with a grace and speed that is as deadly as it is beautiful. Crucially, Prince Nuada isn’t some cackling villain; he’s deeply offended that his kind have been forgotten and wishes only for his people to rise from the shadows once more. He genuinely offers Hellboy and Abe a place in his new kingdom and is dismayed when they reject him, kill his underlings, and side with the humans, who he feels are dishonourable and unworthy of the world. Prince Nuada’s link with his sister gives him an edge, allowing him to track her, uncover the golden crown, and use her as leverage to hold off Hellboy’s attacks, but he’s more than capable of defending himself, refusing to yield even in defeat. His goal is the Golden Army, “70×70” mechanical warriors that near-instantly repair any damage and form the most formidable army ever conceived, one so awesome that it terrified even King Balor and saw him repent his destructive crusade, one that Prince Nuada seeks to resume.
A fantastic emphasis on practical effects and puppets makes this world more vibrant and tangible than ever.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army is a triumph of practical effects and puppetry. Hellboy looks as great as ever lumbering about in his big trenchcoat and exuded a surprising amount of humanity behind the demonic make-up, and Abe remains disturbingly beautiful with his fish-like appearance. I liked the steampunk vibes of Johann’s containment suit, which also cropped up in the troll market and in Mr. Wink, a hulking brute who sports a detachable mechanical fist. Mr. Wink is almost a dark mirror of Hellboy, being brutish and stubborn and attacking first rather than thinking things through, which leads to his undoing. The movie places far more emphasis on the fantastical nature of Hellboy’s world, spotlighting trolls, goblins, and other forgotten mythical creatures that lurk beneath the city streets. Each is brought to life using intricate and impressive practical effects and animatronics, with Doug Jones lending his unique physicality to roles like the slender Chamberlain and the disturbing, gaunt Angel of Death, a skeletal figure with tattered dark wings sporting eyeballs! Brian Steele should also be commended for his work as the Fragglewump and other roles, while the forest elemental brought the fantasy world into the city streets with a beautiful, tragic appearance that sees Hellboy forced to blow its “brains” out, its carcass growing grass and wildflowers across the concrete jungle. Hellboy busts out a massive hand cannon to begrudgingly do this, though has surprisingly few other new toys. Hellboy still largely relies on his sidearm, massive stone fist, and a bit of luck and adaptability to get through most fights. He’s overpowered by Mr. Wink, for example, but smartly tricks the troll into getting his chain-fist stuck in a grinder. However, Hellboy’s tendency to hit first and think or ask questions later is easily exploited by Johann, who amusingly possesses some lockers to humble Hellboy, and sees him outclassed by the far more skilled Prince Nuada.
Though Hellboy stops Prince Nuada, the cost is high and he decides to rethink his priorites.
Thanks to his psychic bond with his sister, Prince Nuada infiltrates the B.R.P.D. and critically wounds Hellboy, taking Princess Nuala hostage to force them to bring him the last crown piece. An unexpected assist from Johann sees Hellboy saved and he, Liz, Abe, and Johann defy Manning’s orders and travel to the Giant’s Causeway, where the Angel of Death heals Hellboy ahead of them being led to the abandoned resting place of the Golden Army. Though shocked when Abe willingly hands over the crown piece, Hellboy and the others quickly focus on fending off the reactivated mechanical warriors, initially seeming to have a chance against the Golden Army before the group sees the robots piece themselves back together. As the only way to stop the Golden Army is for a suitable challenger to dispute Prince Nuada’s claim to them, Hellboy flaunts his status as Anung Un Rama to challenge Prince Nuada, promising Abe to leave the disgruntled elf alive to safeguard Princess Nuala. The two battle atop an elaborate clockwork set, hopping to giant moving cogs that threaten to crush them, with Hellboy being clearly outclassed by the agile prince, who bests him at every turn. However, Hellboy’s craftiness sees him catch Prince Nuada from behind and overpower him, bringing him to his knees. Though Prince Nuada demands to be executed and promises to never stop his quest to destroy the human world, Hellboy retrieves the crown and is happy to leave him alive but defeated, only for the prince to try stabbing Hellboy in the back. Thus, Princess Nuala’s forced to kill herself to stop her brother, the two dying regretfully and somewhat emotionally in Hellboy and Abe’s arms, respectively. After Liz melts the crown and the group returns to the surface, they make a point to resign from the B.P.R.D., sick of the conflict between man and monster, and Hellboy prepares to start a new life with Liz and their forthcoming twins.
Final Thoughts: Hellboy II: The Golden Army is an absolutely gorgeous movie. Guillermo del Toro’s focus on practical effects and puppets gives every character, no matter how abnormal, a real weight and believability that is often missing from modern Hollywood. This also allows the CGI to blend far better and to make everything feel very tactile and real, increasing the stakes for the protagonists and presenting a rich world hidden behind modern society. While my experience with Hellboy’s comics is very limited, Hellboy II feels much more like a Guillermo del Toro film with its focus on the fantastical and mythological, weaving them into Hellboy’s world in a way that makes perfect sense and tests the unlikely hero as he must choose between saving a world that hates and despises him or embracing a world where he can freely be a monster. Hellboy remains one of Ron Perlman’s greatest roles and I really liked how the character struggled with the moral ambiguity of his mission, and with trying to figure out his woman and embrace a new, unexpected destiny as a father. Selma Blair remains as bland and uninteresting as ever, but I liked the extra focus on Abe and his own difficulties with emotion, and the fun antagonism between Johann and other others, which led to some amusing moments. Luke Goss was mesmerising as the tragic Prince Nuada, a villain whose motivations are entirely justified and who presents a significant challenge for Hellboy by simply being a better fighter. He’s also got a great deal of depth, truly loving his sister and their kind and regretful that it’s come to war, and convincingly tests Hellboy’s convictions. It still annoys me that we never got a conclusion for these characters and this world as I would’ve loved to see where Guillermo del Toro took them next, but I’m forever grateful that we got Hellboy II, which showcases just how creative and awe-inspiring cinema can be.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Great Stuff
Did you enjoy Hellboy II: The Golden Army? Did you like that Abe got more of the spotlight? Were you also amazed by the practical effects and animatronics? Do you think Prince Nuada had a point? Were you also disappointed we never got a third film? What are some of your favourite Hellboy stories? Share your thoughts on Hellboy II in the comments and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest more Hellboy content for the site.
Since his first appearance in the pages of Detective Comics, Bruce Wayne/Batman has become a pop culture icon. September celebrates “Batman Day”, the perfect excuse to celebrate this grim and broody vigilante.
Released: 30 July 1966 Director: Leslie H. Martinson Distributor: 20th Century Fox
The Review: Released a mere two months into the first series, Batman (or Batman: The Movie) is a gloriously camp, ridiculously colourful and bonkers action/adventure that, rather than provide a definitive origin for Bruce Wayne/Batman (Adam West) and his youthful ward, Richard “Dick” Grayson/Robin (Burt Ward), is largely an excuse to use the heightened budget to film a bunch of stock footage for the television show. Although the classic Batman theme song is absent in the strictest sense, recycled for a traditional film score, and Catwoman (who takes the alias Kitanya “Kitka” Irenya Tatanya Karenska Alisoff/Miss Kitka) is portrayed by Lee Meriwether, Batman’s most colourful rogues are represented in all their madcap glory for easily their most ludicrous and ambitious plan yet. The Joker (Cesar Romero), Oswald Cobblepott/The Penguin (Burgess Meredith), Edward Nygma/The Riddler (Frank Gorshin), and Catwoman form the “United Underworld” of super criminals. Despite often bickering, jostling for authority, and seeking to one-up each other’s wacky schemes, they unite with two mutual goals: destroy Batman and Robin (preferably using one of the Penguin’s many exploding marine animals) and kidnap delegates from the United World Organization’s Security Council (including Albert Carrier, Gregory Gaye, Maurice Dallimore, and Teru Shimada) in a bid for world domination. Their plot to carry out this dastardly act is ridiculously simple: fool the Dynamic Duo with an elaborate holographic projection and kidnap Commodore Schmidlapp (Reginald Denny), keeping him placated so they can steal and repurpose his genius “Total Dehydrator”, a device which removes all moisture from a victim’s body, reducing them to dust and storing them as “light water” to be rehydrated later.
Death traps, nonsensical riddles, and mid-day traffic are easily overcome by the highly capable Dynamic Duo.
Initially, Batman, Robin, Commissioner James “Jim” Gordon (Neil Hamilton), and Police Chief O’Hara (Stafford Repp) are baffled by the methods used by the villains. Eventually, however, their worst fears come true when they realise that the four supervillains have joined forces. Yet, while Batman easily solves the the Riddler’s absurdly convoluted riddles, our heroes are often stumped by the quadruple threat. Rather than cause mass panic, Batman downplays the incident to the Gotham City press and investigates further, using outrageous leaps in logic to figure out how the villains fooled them and who their next target is. Batman is comically capable here, easily the smartest person in the room and yet continually encouraging others (especially Robin) to figure out clues for themselves to reach his bonkers conclusions. Batman and Robin are said to be “fully deputised members of the police” and regularly operate in the daytime and with the full cooperation of the police and the public, who regard them with reverence that borders on awe. Thus, Vice Admiral Fangschleister (Milton Frome) is initially elated to receive a phone call from Batman regarding the sale of a nuclear submarine and then disheartened to learn he was duped into selling it to “P. N. Guin”. Batman also has a bat-branded gadget or device for every occasion, easily fending off exploding sharks, deflecting missiles, and traversing the city by car, helicopter, or boat. In a world full of vibrant pantomime villains, Batman and Commissioner Gordon play things deathly straight. Adam West delivers every line with a grave undertone or exaggerated exuberance, chewing the scenery at every opportunity and helping the comedy to land even harder because he and Neil Hamilton take it so seriously. Even when Robin’s solving riddles with suggestions like “a sparrow with a machine gun”, they just nod along in complete agreement as if there was no other solution, and it’s a joy to see.
While Bruce is besotted by Miss Kitka, he’s supported by Alfred and the ever-enthusiastic Robin.
Interestingly, Bruce Wayne gets a fair bit of screen time here. While he’s mostly just running to and from the Batcave, he takes centre stage when the United Underground plot to kidnap the millionaire and hold him hostage, sure that Batman and Robin would race head-first into their death trap to rescue him. Thus, Miss Kitka (having already caught Batman’s eye at the press conference) easily bewitches Bruce with concerns of a threat from the villains, causing him to hatch an elaborate scheme to take Miss Kitka on a date and have Robin and their loyal butler, Alfred Pennyworth (Alan Napier), follow in the Batmobile to intervene when the villains strike. However, Robin gets a bit uncomfortable watching Bruce and Miss Kitka play tonsil hockey and tunes out, meaning he’s too late to save Bruce from being kidnapped. Unaware that the beautiful Soviet reporter he’s falling for is secretly Catwoman, Bruce rages at the villains, threatening to kill them if they harm Miss Kitka, and giving them a beating before doing what he does best and outsmarting the evildoers and escaping. Robin is generally Batman’s echo chamber, there to enthusiastically shout encouragement or hit upon comical solutions, but he’s fiercely loyal to Batman and always has his back. He’s dismayed when it appears Batman’s been blown up by an absurdly oversized bomb, takes it for granted that the Batcopter would safely land on a convenient pile of foam, and is always on hand to offer suggestions, like commandeering a taxi, even if he often defers to Batman’s age and experience. There’s not much for Commissioner Gordon or Chief O’Hara to do except be Batman’s cheerleaders, but it was amusing seeing Alfred don a domino mask and drive Robin around as part of their scheme.
The bickering, colourful, outrageous villains steal every scene with their madcap personalities and plot.
As amazing as Batman is, however, even he’s intimidated at the thought of his greatest villains forming a cabal. Although the villains squabble, with each thinking they’re the leader and have the best goons or plans, they begrudgingly get on the same page to work towards a common goal. The goons are holed up in a seedy bar and utilise the Penguin’s repurposed nuclear submarine to plan and execute their scheme, which involves building a makeshift cabin to dupe Commodore Schmidlapp and boobytrap their headquarters with hopes to flinging Batman and Robin into an unseen exploding octopus. The villains eventually realise their best chance of success is to incorporate all their individual gimmicks and ideas, though the Riddler’s obsessive compulsion with bamboozling Batman with obtuse riddles often annoys his cohorts. Similarly, the Joker is initially annoyed at how bossy the Penguin is on his submarine and Catwoman is constantly berating the others for bungling their plot. When infiltrating the United World Headquarters, the Riddle is equally nonplussed about whether the Penguin succeeded in his separate ploy to infiltrate the Batcave in the guise of Commodore Schmidlapp. While Batman and Robin aren’t fooled by this in the slightest, they go along with the ruse to get an idea of the villain’s plot, only to be aghast when the Penguin’s rehydrated goons vanish into “antimatter” due to being reconstituted with “hard water”. As great as Batman and Robin are, the villains steal the show. The Joker is a cackling, moustachioed maniac, Catwoman is a sultry temptress, the Riddler is absolutely off his rocker, and the Penguin waddles about with manic glee. Romero and Gorshin are practically bouncing off the walls at times, while Meredith quacks through gritted teeth and postures with delusions of grandeur. Catwoman is easily the most level-headed, often cutting through their nonsense to get them on track, while the Penguin has all the fancy gadgets and goons, though the Joker and the Riddler’s machination see the Dynamic Duo faced with numerous hilarious near-death experiences.
The ridiculous camp is married with some impressive vehicles and interior sets in this colourful adventure.
You can definitely see the money on the screen in Batman. The show was famous for its elaborate and expensive sets and they really shine on the big screen, with the Batcave standing out as a fully stocked laboratory with every bat-themed device the plot requires. The villains’ skewed lair is a fun mirror of the Batcave, being much more lowkey but still filled with personalised areas and their individual gimmicks. They later transition to the Penguin’s submarine, which isn’t as interesting an interior, but I did like that each had a personalised station on the periscope and that every control console was clearly and obnoxiously labelled. As ever, the costumes are colourful and ripped right from the comic books. Batman and Robin are especially impressive, with both men filling out their spandex admirably, but the outrageous villains give them more than a run for their money. The Penguin stood out for me thanks to his hilariously mad impersonation of Commodore Schmidlapp, the cigarette holder permanently clamped between his teeth, and his ridiculous gas-filled umbrella. Most notably, Batman spends a lot of time having the Dynamic Duo hop between the Batmobile, Batcopter, Batcycle, and Batboat. Though obvious stunt doubles and rear projection are used in these sequences, it’s always a thrill seeing the 1960s Batmobile roar to life. I really enjoyed the Batcopter scenes, especially with Robin unnecessarily hanging upside down on the Batrope to deliver the Shark Repellent Batspray, and the Batboat scenes, both of which include some cinematic wide shots through the city and over the ocean. The Penguin’s personalised submarine was also a fun model, and I really enjoyed the big fight scene on the submarine (surprisingly the only use of the comic book sound effects in the film), which was shot on an elaborate water set.
After a bombastic submarine brawl, the Dynamic Duo (mostly) restore the World Security Council…
Despite all the comical nonsense, such as the villains being aggravated when Batman doesn’t come to rescue Bruce Wayne, Batman racing around the pier desperately trying to get rid of a bomb (one of the most amusing sequences of the film!), and the Riddler’s ridiculous riddles, the United Underworld successfully dehydrate and abduct the World Security Council. Hot on their trail, desperate the rescue the delegates and Miss Kitka, Batman and Robin force the Penguin’s submarine to surface after bombarding it was “Batcharges” and a furious fistfight breaks out on the deck that sees the Dynamic Duo tangle up the Penguin, the Joker, and Riddler and all their henchmen. When Catwoman flees into the sub, she trips and loses her disguise, leaving Batman briefly devastated when he realises she was Miss Kitka all along. Quickly shrugging off his heartbreak and returning to duty, Batman secures the dehydrated World Security Council, only for the confounded Commodore Schmidlapp to accidentally break the vials and scatter their powdered remains. Luckily, the Batcave has a “Super Molecular Dust Separator” that the Dynamic Dup use to filter the mingled dust particles. Though Robin suggests they “shuffle” the delegates’ personalities to encourage world peace, Batman advises against playing God lest they cause a catastrophe like the Penguin’s hard water minions. Thus, with Commissioner Gordon, President Lyndon B. Johnson (Van Williams), and the world watching, Batman and Robin successfully rehydrate the World Security Council. Amusingly, despite Batman’s meticulous efforts, the delegates have their personalities mixed up, leaving him to hope that the “strange mixing of minds” could benefit humanity. The Dynamic Duo then “discreetly” exit via a nearby window using their Batropes and dump the problem on someone else!
Final Thoughts: This is my first time watching Batman in years, maybe even over a decade, and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I watched it a lot as a kid and was really into it then, but I was glad to find my enjoyment wasn’t stifled despite me preferring a dark, gritter Batman. There’s an infectious charm to this interpretation of the Caped Crusader (which was actually far more comic accurate than people think) and I really liked that the show and its movie weren’t afraid of the ludicrous nature of the source material. Everyone is decked out in colourful costumes and giving it their all, with Batman playing things straight as an arrow and his villains chewing the scenery with their pantomime-like behaviour. I love how tongue-in-cheek everything is, from the ridiculous solutions to the Riddler’s puzzles to that damn bomb scene (!) and the villains’ outrageous plot. Adam West remains one of the quintessential benchmarks for Batman. I love how intelligent and capable his Batman is, and that he’s constantly mentoring and encouraging those around him. Robin is full of enthusiasm and energy and throws himself into everything, and I really liked how the city was so enamoured by the duo. The villains steal the show, however, with their rambunctious performances. There’s such manic energy to the men and a tangible sexuality to Catwoman that’s appealing even today. I really enjoyed how elaborate and overblown everything was and the fun vehicles and sight gags used throughout the film. My only complaints are that the Batman theme wasn’t used more and that the “Pow!”, “Biff!” sound effects only appear in the finale. Otherwise, Batman remains a rollicking good time. If you only like dark, moody, super serious Batman then you might dislike this film but you’d honestly be missing out as it’s a fantastic, vibrant piece of camp fun that’s as enjoyable to me now as it was thirty-odd years ago.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Great Stuff
Do you also have a soft spot for the 1966 Batman movie? Were you a fan of the show back in the day or were you turned off by the camp nonsense? Which of the outrageous villains featured here was your favourite? Did you correctly guess the answers to the Riddler’s riddles? Would you have liked to see another feature film spin-off of the show? How are you celebrating Batman this month and which Batman movie is your favourite? Whatever your thoughts on this version of Batman, leave a comment below and donate to my Ko-Fi to support the site.
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