movie night

Movie Night [MK Day]: Mortal Kombat II

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To celebrate the simultaneous worldwide release of Mortal Kombat (Midway, 1992) on home consoles, 13 September 1993 was dubbed “Mortal Monday”. Thus, it’s only fitting that to celebrate this influential fighting series every September 13th.

Released: 8 May 2026
Director: Simon McQuoid
Distributor: Warner Bros. Pictures

Budget: $80 million
Box Office: $75.2 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 65% / 89%

Quick Facts:
The success and controversy of Mortal Kombat saw producer Lawrence Kasanoff produce both cult hits and disappointing lows. After years in limbo, Mortal Kombat returned to the big screen with a lukewarm reboot that nonetheless saw cast and crew up for a sequel. Determined to address fan feedback, the filmmakers opted for a more faithful adaptation, though reviews remained mixed.

The Review:
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m biased towards the 1995 Mortal Kombat film (I did write about it for my PhD thesis, after all). However, I’m a big Mortal Kombat fan and was excited to see a new version of it after years of stop/start projects and small screen ventures. Unfortunately, I wasn’t very impressed with the 2021 reboot, mainly because the story was so choppy, the tournament was absent, and the characters weren’t as appealing as the 1995 version. To make matters worse, despite the franchise’s massive roster and already painting fan favourite Johnny Cage as the “Everyman” outsider in 1995, the 2021 film chose to craft a brand-new audience surrogate, Cole Young (Lewis Tan), an athletic but sadly bland character who could’ve easily been Johnny Cage with just a few script tweaks. Mortal Kombat II aimed to address these issues, and more, and you can tell it’s aiming to be closer to the source material right from the start as the intro and titles mimic the opening of its videogame namesake. More areas from the games are also recreated (though through jarringly obvious green screen), fights are occasionally presented in a way that apes the videogames, and series co-creator Ed Boon makes a gratuitous cameo as a bartender. Having stifled manipulative Outworld sorcerer Shang Tsung’s (Chin Han) attempts to sabotage Earthrealm’s warriors in the last film, Lord Raiden (Tadanobu Asano) has moved his chosen fighters to his sky temple to prepare for the generational Mortal Kombat tournament that will determine the fate of humanity. However, also thanks to Shang Tsung, Raiden is one fighter down as Shaolin monk Kung Lao (Max Huang) died in the last film, so he and Lieutenant Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee) head to Hollywood to recruit a new fighter.

Despite overshadowing all the returning fighters, even Cage is side-lined in favour of Kitana.

So, right away there’s some issues. Mortal Kombat ’21 ended with Cole heading to Hollywood to recruit Johnny Cage (Karl Urban), but this film opens with the tournament mere hours away and the washed-up action star still attending conventions rather than fighting. This means we must suffer through a janky, rushed, and frankly insulting first twenty minutes or so as Cage is brought up to speed with the plot. Considering Raiden and the others gave Sonya and Cole such a hard time in the last movie for not carrying the Elder God’s mark or being unprepared for the tournament, they’re oddly far more lenient on Cage, who’s wracked with self-doubt as his glory days are behind him and hilariously incredulous to Earthrealm’s plight. Once he learns that Mortal Kombat is a fight to the death, Cage bows out, only to be forced into fighting anyway because that’s apparently what happens now. While Karl Urban seems a better fight for Kano, he’s one of the few highlights of this film and perfectly captures Cage’s snarky attitude, prima donna arrogance, and bombastic scepticism. It was odd, however, seeing him go from reluctantly fighting Princess Kitana (Adeline Rudolph) to literally running in fear of Baraka (CJ Bloomfield) and suddenly shift from being incapable of fighting to being very competent sometimes in the same fight. Despite being the focal point of the film’s marketing, Cage shares the main character role with Kitana, an Edenina princess forced to serve as tyrannical emperor Shao Kahn’s (Martyn Ford) daughter/assassin who has secretly been conspiring with Raiden to defat Outworld. Having witnessed her father, King Jerrod’s (Desmond Chiam) brutal slaughter and her mother, Queen Sindel’s (Ana Thu Nguyen) enslavement by Shao Kahn, Kitana has every reason to oppose the emperor, not least to liberate her people, which causes conflict between her and her loyal bodyguard, Jade (Tati Gabrielle). Between the two of them, Cage and Kitana present narrative arcs far more compelling than anyone else’s though it is strange that these new films shift the focus away from long-time franchise protagonist Liu Kang (Ludi Lin).

Sadly, returning characters aren’t given much screen time or depth and are killed for shock value.

Indeed, we’re two films in and we know very little about Liu Kang other than he was raised/trained by Raiden and is desperate to save his brother, Kung Lao’s corrupted soul. He’s a pure-hearted fighter and said to be the best of Earthrealm’s warriors, but he has no interaction with Kitana beyond a few respectful bows and glances, meaning his entire arc is centred on trying to help Kung Lao. Liu Kang has little personal rivalry with Shang Tsung or Shao Kahn beyond him wanting to save his realm and few meaningful interactions with Cage either, which is also true of Major Jackson “Jax” Briggs (Mehcad Brooks), Sonya, and Cole. These four only have superficial depth thanks to the previous film; we learn nothing new about them, and they accept Cage so easily that it makes the entire previous film’s plot redundant. Jax and Sonya remain fiercely loyal to each other and are even willing to spare Jade to maintain Raiden’s relationship with Kitana, but there’s no romantic sub-plot between Sonya and Cage. In fact, Liu Kang, Jax, and Sonya are more apt to mock Cage and his fighting skills, which amusingly bites them when Baraka is won over by Cage’s theatrical and unorthodox fighting style. Despite his role in the last movie and being the ancestor of legendary fighter Hanzo Hasashi/Scorpion (Hiroyuki Sanada), tough-skinned cage fighter Cole is pushed far into the background here. There’s a passing mention of his wife and daughter and he’s seen to be as committed to defending Earthrealm as the others, but the spotlight is so far off him it’s almost insulting. With him largely absent from the marketing and so reviled by fans, it’s no surprise that Cole is offed in the tournament, but the execution left a bitter taste in my mouth. For starters, Cole is matched up against the newly invincible Shao Kahn (who really shouldn’t be fighting in the tournament if you ask me). Cole’s unceremonious death is thus a foregone conclusion, but his so-called friends barely react to their loss and are laughing and joking about Cage soon after, with Cole quickly forgotten. And like yeah, I wasn’t a fan of his, but I think he deserved better than that!

Fan favourite characters steal the film but are also frustratingly side-lined.

Despite his garb being closer to his videogame counterpart, Tadanobu Asano continues to disappoint as Raiden. He lacks the stature, gravitas, and charisma of Christopher Lambert and feels like a very weak and ineffectual Thunder God. His character is noticeably and jarringly softened here, with him being much more amicable towards Cage than he was to Cole or Sonya, and the film adds a fatherly slant to his relationship with Liu Kang and Kung Lao. Raiden’s placed in mortal danger here as Shao Kahn has necromancer Quan Chi (Damon Herriman) resurrect foul-mouthed mercenary Kano (Josh Lawson) to acquire the amulet of the fallen Elder God, Shinnok. The corrupted Kung Lao then slices Raiden’s throat to empower the amulet, which gifts Shao Kahn near-immortality and ties Earthrealm’s fate directly to Raiden’s. Although he still doesn’t sport his bionic eye (despite Quan Chi saying they’ll “build him a new one”), Kano remains a highlight. As crude and quick-witted as ever, Kano relishes the chance to get back in the fight but quickly grows tired of Outworld’s desolate offerings and double-crosses the evildoers. Once Kano’s teamed with Johhny Cage, the fil really hits its stride (which sadly come sin the third act) as the two make for a fun duo, scouring the hellish Netherreealm in search of Hasashi and the resurrected Bi-Han (Joe Taslim), formally Sub-Zero (and never referred to as Noob Saibot despite obviously being him) who safeguards Shinnok’s amulet. Sadly, Kano comes in far too late to help with the film’s paper-thin plot or the elevate the frustratingly one-dimensional characters. Equally, the film decides to sideline Sindel, who starts as an avid defender of Edenia and is then seemingly corrupted (presumably by Quan Chi’s dark magic) into Shao Kahn’s bride before being abruptly killed by Sonya and then randomly reappearing so Shao Kahn can interrogate Kitana. Considering how important Sindel usually is to Shao Kahn’s plots and Kitana’s character, it’s bizarre to see her be an afterthought. Jade gets more screen time and relevance as she’s torn between her friendship with Kitana and her loyalty to Shao Kahn!

As unnecessary and underutilised as Shang Tsung and Quan Chi are, Shao Kahn is a force to be reckoned with!

While I wasn’t a fan of Chin Han’s Shang Tsung in the last film (he’s not even comparable to Bruce Locke, let alone the immortal Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), I was equally frustrated and disappointed to see him side-lined in the sequel. Shang Tsung faces no repercussions for his defeat and loses with little authority and menace he had as he’s reduced to the emperor’s underling. It doesn’t help that the movie brings in Quan Chi to resurrect and corrupt fallen fighters, a role that Shang Tsung probably could’ve filled without much issue. On the plus side, Shao Kahn is presented as a monstrous, intimidating figure of unimaginable power even before he gains Raiden’s God-like power. Constantly garbed in intimidating armour, a skull-like helmet, and wielding a devastating battle axe, Shao Kahn is a brutal and menacing villain made even more threatening by his loquacious demeanour. He’s not some mindless despot or a mewling man-child with daddy issues; he’s a cold, calculating villain who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. Crucially, Shao Kahn is seen to be vulnerable despite his stature. He looks like he could easily crush anyone in his path but every fight he’s in is framed in a way that gives his opponent a chance to win as they score glancing blows or even kill shots, only for the emperor to either shrug it off or instantly heal thanks to Shinnok’s amulet. Sure, we don’t get any depth to him or backstory and he’s as simple a character as “big evil bad guy who wants to conquer everything”, but I liked that he wasn’t needlessly killing off his underlings, that he gave his opponents a fighting chance, and that he embodied the character so appropriately. Any time Shao Kahn appeared, you knew some shit was gonna go down and it was very effective seeing people cower and bow to his sheer might, while also sowing the seeds of dissension as Sahng Tsung clearly covets the emperor’s throne and power.

While the fights, gore, and fan service are top notch, they come at the expense of characters and story.

In keeping with the previous film, Mortal Kombat II places a greater focus on its fights and gore than the plot of the characters. On paper, this makes sense and is fine enough for certain audiences, but I miss the heart and the characters of the 1995 film, which also boasted some impressive martial arts. We get a sense of the kind of action star Cage was thanks to some footage of his dreadful action movies, which is fun, but again this is oddly translated into his fights as Cage is just as likely to cry foul and ask for a stunt man despite being a legitimate fighter. The tournament finally features here, with characters being teleported to recognisable locations like the spike-ladened bottom of the pit, the ominous portal bridge, and the acid pits for their fights. Weirdly, the film insults our intelligence by having magic flames go out when fighters are defeated and recycles many of the same locations (the ransacked Edenian town square, for example), but it makes up for this by going all-in with the characters’ special moves. Liu Kang’s tossing fireballs and flaming kicks, Sonya fires her rings, Jax is fully comfortable with his bionic arms, and Kano relishes blasting fools with his eye laser. Naturally, given her prominence, a lot of focus is placed on Kitana’s razor-sharp fans but Jade’s staff gets a lot of time in the spotlight, too. Since Cage repeats Cole’s arc from the last movie, he doesn’t gain his green aura until the finale, but he still punches Baraka in the dick and impresses with his unorthodox fighting. Sindel represents every pre-teen gamer by spamming her banshee scream, leading to Sonya impaling her on the pit’s spikes, and Shao Khan even darts in with his patented shoulder charge. Without a doubt, the film’s best fight sequence is the throwdown between Liu Kang and his revenant brother, with Kung Lao now tossing a gnarly buzzsaw hat that ultimately proves his bloody undoing. Still, before that, the two put on a hell of a physical spectacle as Li Kang desperately tries to reason with his brother before vowing to find a way to free him.

Thanks to a little help and a lot of sacrifices, Kitana avenges her father and ends Shao Kahn’s threat.

This fight’s closest competition come sin the finale, when Cage and Kano recruit Scorpion’s help and battle Bi-Han and his gooey double alongside the ninja-like spectre. It’s always great seeing Scorpion and Sub-Zero clash, though Bi-Han was given even less characterisation than before, sported all new shadow-based powers, and appeared far too late to be as relevant as he could be. While that fight’s going on, Liu Kang and Sonya fight Shao Kahn to rescue the strung-up Kitana, since Jax was also killed by the emperor. This fight also goes a bit south as Liu kang is surprisingly killed, though he accepts his fate as he realises his true destiny was to reunite with Kung Lao in the afterlife. With Sonya down and clearly no match for Shao Kahn, it’s left up to Kitana to oppose the emperor and avenge her father. Unfortunately, despite her obvious fighting talent, Kitana’s hindered by Shao Kahn’s newfound immortality, thus linking her fight to the Netherrealm clash. Luckily, with Scorpion and Jade’s help, Cage and Kano overcome Bi-Han and his double and destroy Shinnok’s amulet, right as Shang Tsung (who randomly pops up after a lengthy absence) is poised to killed Raiden. With the amulet destroyed, Raiden’s returned to full power and Shao Kahn is made mortal, allowing Kitana to disarm and subdue Shao Kahn, unmasking him before her subjugated people and ending him by slicing his head into pieces with her fans. Immediately hailed as Edenia’s queen, Kitana encourages her people to stand and relish their newfound freedom, with Cage later embellishes to impress Baraka and his clan. Having found a new purpose in life, Cage not only follows through on his promise to tutor the Tarkartans but joins Raiden and the others in beginning a new quest. With the captured Quan Chi in tow, Cage and the others set out to rescue their deceased friends, though Sonya vows to kill Kano (again…) once this goal is achieved.

Final Thoughts:
I went into Mortal Kombat II with low expectations. I recently rewatched the 2021 reboot before it and was surprised by how annoyed by it I was, with it’s awful pacing, poor character development, and focus on gore over story. Mortal Kombat II was always going to have an uphill battle because of that, and I really felt like it was weighed down by the reboot’s decisions. Unfortunately, rather than address these in a meaningful way, Mortal Kombat II throws Johnny Cage in our face like a play toy and shunts everyone, not just Cole, to the background, making the last film feel even more redundant as this is the movie that one should’ve been! Luckily, Karl Urban is great as the conceited Cage and I really enjoyed the focus on Kitana, who carried the emotional weight of the barebones plot. Kano also helped with this, but he appears far too late to help as much as he could, same with Scorpion (who I would’ve thought would’ve appeared after Cole’s death…) and Bi-Han. It was great to see Shao Kahn done justice on the big screen, and I did like seeing Quan Chi come back, as overused and unnecessary as he was, and of course the fights and gore were great…when they appeared. I honestly felt like the gore and Fatalities were underplayed this time, and that the tournament again felt very secondary. It lacked the scale seen in the 1995 movie, for one thing, even with the game-accurate locations, and the plot was more focused on Shinnok’s amulet (which Shao Kahn rally didn’t need as he was already unstoppable) rather than more interesting elements, like Sindel and her relationship with Kitana, or Shang Tsung’s aspirations, or the feud between Scorpion and Bi-Han. Ultimately, I give this film the edge over the last one as this is what I wanted to see from the 2021 reboot, but Mortal Kombat II was disappointing to me. it was far too rushed at the start, retread a lot of the same ground, side-lined or underdeveloped returning characters, and was so obviously trying to placate us with fan service that it became insulting.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Mortal Kombat II? Were you also annoyed that Cole Young and the other fighters were side-lined? Did you enjoy Karl Urban’s performance as Johnny Cage? Were you surprised to see Kitana take the spotlight? Which of the fights was your favourite? Did you also find the film rushed and messy Wat are your hopes for a third film? How are you celebrating Mortal Kombat today? Whatever your thoughts, leave a comment below and donate to my Ko-Fi if you want to see more Mortal Kombat content on the site.

Movie Night [Star Trek Day]: Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

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8 September 1966 saw the debut of Star Trek (1966 to 1969), “The Man Trap” (Daniels, 1966), beginning a massive cultural phenomenon and perhaps the most influential science-fiction franchise of all time. Accordingly designated “Star Trek Day”, the September 8 is the perfect excuse to celebrate this enduring sci-fi franchise.

Released: 6 December 1991
Director: Nicholas Meyer
Distributor: Paramount Pictures

Budget: $30 million
Box Office: $96.8 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 83% / 84%

Quick Facts:
Following Star Trek V: The Final Frontier’s (Shatner, 1989) critical and commercial failure, Paramount Pictures initially planned to recover with a prequel set at Starfleet Academy before star Leonard Nimoy assisted with writing a swan song for the original cast that doubled as an allegory for the “Cold War”. Sets and models were again re-used to save money, the Klingons were redesigned by Dodie Shepard, and Industrial Light & Magic produced the many visual and practical effects that co-existed with political and Shakespearean intrigue.

The Review:
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country is essentially about finality. It’s the last film for the Original Series crew, the last time all the Original Series actors appeared in a film together, the Enterprise-A is a few months from being decommissioned, the main characters are set to be retired, and the plot concerns the end of decades of hostility with the war-like Klingon Empire. This doesn’t come about naturally, however, but is forced upon the aggressive race when one of their moons explodes and devastates Qo’noS, threatening to render the planet inhospitable (and potentially make the Klingons extinct) within fifty Earth years. Out of desperation, Klingon Chancellor Gorkon (David Warner) offers an olive branch to the United Federation of Planets, promising to end hostilities and broker peace if the Federation assists with evacuating Qo’noS and sheltering the Klingons, who can no longer afford to go to war since their resources are so tight. Captain Spock (Leonard Nimoy) spearheads the negotiations with Chancellor Gorkon, seeing a historic chance to foster true galactic peace, but faces opposition from bigoted Federation Admiral Cartwright (Brock Peters) and Spock’s long-time friend and crewmate, Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner). Indeed, Kirk is outraged to learn that Spock personally vouched for him to take the Enterprise-A to escort Chancellor Gorkon to Earth for peace talks. Considering Kirk has been at war with the Klingons for most of his life and harbours a personal grudge against them for the death of his son, the legendary captain is adamant that the barbaric race cannot be trusted and should be left to perish for their crimes. However, despite his personal feelings, Kirk is duty-bound to adhere to his orders and reluctantly meets with Chancellor Gorkon, even inviting him and his detachment – including daughter Azetbur (Rosanna DeSoto) and veteran General Chang (Christopher Plummer) – to dinner.

On the eve of unprecedented peace, Kirk and Bones are framed for assassinated a Klingon chancellor.

Although Chancellor Gorkon is immediately seen to be unlike his more brutish comrades, Kirk remains apprehensive, at best, and disgusted at worst, and sceptical of the entire situation in general. Kirk immediately gets a bad vibe from General Chang, who spends the entire evening quoting the “original Klingon” of William Shakespeare and banging on about how the two are kindred warrior spirits, and Kirk’s crew struggle to stomach the Klingons’ bad table manners. While Kirk is mature enough to recognise that he conducted himself poorly, he refuses to trust Chancellor Gorkon and grapples with the idea that such a huge part of his life, hostilities with Klingons, could be ending. Kirk is aghast, however, when the Enterprise-A suddenly fires upon the chancellor’s unsuspecting Bird-of-Prey, sending the bridge crew into a mad panic to discover how they’ve fired when their torpedo stock is accounted for. While Captain Montgomery “Scotty” Scott (James Doohan), Commander Pavel Chekov (Walter Koenig), and newcomer Lieutenant Valeris (Kim Cattrall) scramble for answers, two unknown assailants in Federation spacesuits board the Bird-of-Prey and gun down Chancellor Gorkon and some of his crew. When the rightly incensed General Chang assumes Kirk has launched an unprovoked attack and moves to respond, Kirk orders the Enterprise-A to surrender and he and Doctor Leonard “Bones” McCoy (DeForest Kelley) desperately try to save Chancellor Gorkon, only for Bones to be strangely baffled by Klingon anatomy and meet with failure. Blamed for the attack and the assassination, Kirk and Bones are arrested and forced to stand trial in what’s little more than a kangaroo court, where Kirk’s prior prejudices and even his private log are used against him as evidence, alongside McCoy’s age and perceived incompetence. Kirk and Bones are thus convicted as the perpetrators of a devious attempt to upend peace talks and sentenced to life imprisonment on the harsh world of Rura Penthe, a frozen planetoid where prisoners work themselves to death digging for dilthium. Meanwhile, Azetbur succeeds her father and agrees to continue his efforts for a truce with the understandably flustered Federation President (Kurtwood Smith).

The Enterprise-A crew come together to find the true culprit behind the assassination.

While imprisoned on Rura Penthe, Kirk and Bones discuss their aging relevancy to the universe while fending off the aggressive inmates, finding an ally in sultry shapeshifter Martia (Iman) and eventually learning that they’ve been set up by persons unknown to impede the peace talks. Meanwhile, Spock, Valeris, Chekov, and Scotty turn the Enterprise-A upside down in search of clues to the perpetrator’s identities, correctly assuming that a revolutionary new Bird-of-Prey (which can fire while cloaked) was responsible and that the assassins are onboard the Enterprise-A. While Commander Nyota Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) stalls the Federation and the Klingons static and Captain Hikaru Sulu (George Takei) of the Excelsior rushes to assist while also denying knowledge of the Enterprise-A’s location, the search initially turns fruitless when their assumed suspect is physically incapable of wearing the anti-gravity boots used in the assassination. Thanks to Spock’s foresight, Kirk’s wiles, and Martia’s assistance, Kirk and Bones are rescued but not before Martia turns on them, having been in on the scheme all along. Once aboard the Enterprise-A, with the offending spacesuits randomly recovered by Scotty, Kirk’s hunch about their assassin is proven when he and Spock lay a trap for the culprit. Spock is uncharacteristically enraged to learn that Valeris was one of the perpetrators, admonishing her betrayal and forcibly drawing the names of her co-conspirators from her with a mind meld. Kirk and Spock ruminate of their prejudices and bias together, in quiet solitude, realising that they were both blinded by these emotions. Kirk fully admits to being scared to face the “undiscovered country” of peace with the Klingons, while Spock admits to placing all his faith in his young protégé out of a need to continue their legacy. 

Racial tensions are explored as Kirk and Spock wrestle with their prejudices.

This discussion of bigotry is rife throughout The Undiscovered Country. The Klingons are seen as an aggressive, barbaric race who cannot be trusted, are uncivilised and war-like, and who must be always treated with contempt and hostility. To be fair, Kirk is right to suspect them after everything he’s been through, but the circumstances clearly depict the Klingons as desperate to ensure their survival. For Spock and Chancellor Gorgon, the historic chance for peace is worth setting aside the decades of bloodshed and hatred, especially as it would mean the Klingons’ survival, but the prospect of “tearing down the wall” is terrifying for the likes of Kirk and General Chang, who instigates the assassination to ensure that things stay “as they should”. The Klingons are equally distrustful of humans and amusingly shown to be poor guests, despite their appreciation for Shakespeare, but racial undertones are prevalent in their depiction, with Chekov even muttering “Guess who’s coming to dinner?” and Azetbur criticising the Federation for being an “all-humans” club. Kirk’s prejudices are naturally the most obvious and emotional, given a Klingon killed his son, and it leaves him standoffish with Chancellor Gorgon, who truly wanted peace, and easily setup by General Chang and Valeris. Ironically, Valeris conspires with the Klingons, whom she distrusts so much, to assassinate Chancellor Gorgon to show how untrustworthy the Klingons are. She has a similar mindset to Admiral Cartwright that inviting the Klingons into Federation space is foolish and believes the Federation is betraying their core principles by negotiating with the hostile species, something Spock chastises her for while grilling her as Valeris has also betrayed the Federation’s principles by sowing discord. Naturally, General Chang is all for this as he relishes combat, testing his mettle against a worthy opponent like Kirk and indulging his war lust.

Space battles take a backseat to a more grounded, introspective narrative focused on sabotage.

Unfortunately, we don’t get many space battles here as The Undiscovered Country is more focused on the tensions between the Enterprise-A crew and the Klingons, figured out who was behind the attack, and Kirk and Spock’s detour to Rura Penthe. There is a cool sequence where the crippled Bird-of-Prey’s gravity field is damaged, leaving Chancellor Gorgon and his crew floating helplessly as the assassins strike, and a decent battle pitting the Enterprise-A and the Excelsior against General Chang’s special Bird-of-Prey in the finale. However, as we’ve seen a few times before, the Federation ships strangely struggle to locate the cloaked ship. Luckily, Spock and Bones modify a torpedo to home in on the plasma emissions from the invisible craft, allowing Kirk and Sulu to attack and the filmmakers to once again recycle to same Bird-of-Prey explosion from previous films. Rura Penthe was an interesting location and scenario. I was surprised to see Bones imprisoned alongside Kirk as the movies generally team Kirk with Spock, so it was a nice change of pace to let the disgruntled doctor take some of the spotlight. Naturally, he laments their situation, especially at their age, meaning it’s up to the aged Kirk to fend off any physical challenges and have a brief fling with the alluring Martia to facilitate their escape. There are a couple of moments for the other main characters to shine as well, such as Chekov amusingly offering excuses to Starfleet and confronting their assumed culprit, Uhura struggling to pronounce Klingon, and Scotty aiding in finding the suits. Although largely separate from the plot, Sulu finally gets his own command and aids in his own way, but it was a bit of a shame to not have him aboard the Enterprise-A and to be denied his full kudos from the egotistical Shatner.

The old guard triumph once more and pave the way for their successors in this largely bland send-off.

Thanks to Spock tracing a tracker onto him before his trial, Kirk and Bones and rescued by the Enterprise-A and Spock angrily confronts Valeris, learning that she, General Chang, Admiral Cartwright, and Romulan ambassador Nanclus (Darryl Henriques) conspired to sabotage peace talks between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. Realising that the saboteurs plan to assassinate the Federation President and Chancellor Azetbur at the peace conference, the Enterprise-A races to intervene, with Kirk and his crew beaming down to save the president and Scotty offing would-be assassin Colonel West (René Auberjonois). Thanks to a full confession from Valeris, who remains somewhat conflicted due to her admiration and respect for Spock, all the remaining conspirators are arrested, clearing Kirk, Bones, and the Enterprise-A of all charges. Despite this, the legendary ship is still ordered to return to Starbase for decommissioning so, in one last act of defiance, Kirk orders the ship to take a final jaunt to the stars before a new generation continue their journey. Honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of The Undiscovered Country, preferring the much maligned fifth entry over this one, mainly because it’s got so much posturing and is stuffed with ham-fisted allegories. I like that it tells a more personal and grounded story for the aged Enterprise-A crew, one that’s clearly an allegory for the Cold War and allows Kirk to revisit his hatred of the Klingons from the third movie. The performances are all really strong throughout, though I could’ve done without General Chang constantly quoting Shakespeare, but I’ve never felt it was a great swansong for the Original Series crew to literally sign out on. People aways say the even-numbered Star Trek movies are the best ones, but I always point to this movie as evidence that’s not true as it meanders a bit in the middle and I find the decision to give Spock a new protégé rather than revisit or recast Lieutenant Saavik hurts the movie. Her connection to David Marcus (Merritt Butrick), Kirk, Spock, and familiarity with the audience would’ve made for a much more impactful reveal, I think.

Final Thoughts:
So yeah, full disclosure: I’m not a big fan of this one. It was a bit better this time around than I remember, mainly because I haven’t watched it in a while and I guess I’ve got a whimsical nostalgia for these Original Series movies. I really enjoyed the exploration of Kirk’s hatred and prejudice against the Klingons; his outburst of “Let them die!” is one of his strongest moments and I liked seeing Kirk grapple with his emotions and sense of worth in a universe on the cusp of change. The narrative idea of the future being difficult for veterans like Kirk and General Chang is intriguing as all they’ve known is war with each other, so it’s natural there would be some tension and resentment. I liked seeing Bones take some of the spotlight for a change, how distraught he is at failing to save Chancellor Gorgon, and how out of his depth he is on Rura Penthe. Some of the moments with Chekov and Uhura were pretty amusing, and I guess the investigation into the assassination was interesting (even if Chang and Valeris are obvious candidates), though the racial undertones are a touch questionable. I think they’re definitely apt and perfectly valid, but I always saw the differences between Starfleet and the Klingons to be more ideological, with one valuing strength and power and the other harmony and knowledge. I would’ve liked to see this clash brought to life in a more thrilling way than just the Enterprise-A and the Excelsior dominating Chang’s Bird-of-Prey, but it’s nicely conveyed through the tense dialogue and the body language of all involved in the unprecedented peace talks. Ironically, though, for a movie so focused on finality, I’ve always found The Undiscovered Country lacking as a swansong for the Original Series crew. It would arguably be tough for any movie to do this justice, but I still think The Undiscovered Country is largely lacking in its execution and could’ve been a far better send-off for these characters.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Are you also a fan of Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country? Do you consider it a suitable send-off for the Original Series crew or do you also find it lacking? Did you guess who was behind the assassination? Were you intrigued by the racial and societal undertones of the film? Which Star Trek captain, crew, show, or movie is your favourite and why? How are you celebrating Star Trek Day today? No matter what you think, leave your thoughts down below, support me on Ko-Fi, and go check out my other Star Trek content.

Movie Night: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

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Released: 17 February 1989
Director: Stephen Herek
Distributor: Orion Pictures / De Laurentiis Entertainment Group

Budget: $10 million
Box Office: $40.5 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 83% / 75%

Quick Facts:
Born on this day in 1964, the beloved Keanu Reeves got his big break with this quirky time travel romp that began as a stand-up routine writers Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson performed in college and originally involved a time travelling van. Keanu’s rapport with co-star Alex Winter won them the largely interchangeable leads and they endured many equipment and prop failures. The film’s surprising success led to sequels, a cartoon and comic book, videogames, and action figures, though typecast Keanu for many years.

The Review:
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure is a wacky time travel comedy starring two “surfer dude” metal heads with aspirations of becoming a “triumphant band” (with or without Eddie Van Halen). Bill S. Preston, Esq. (Alex Winter) and Ted “Theodore” Logan (Keanu Reeves) pour their hearts into their band, Wyld Stallyns, despite neither of them being able to play, though their lackadaisical attitudes see them in danger of flunking History (and high school) and their parents – particularly stern police captain John Logan (Hal Landon Jr.) – are largely dismissive or disapproving of their musical aspirations. Bill and Ted’s joyful, infectious optimism and enthusiasm get a heavy dose of reality when they’re warned that failing a History presentation will spell the end of the band as they’ll fail high school and Ted will be shipped off to an Alaskan military school. Though they largely have their heads in the clouds and are thinking only of music, babes, or their band, the duo desperately try to scrape together some rudimentary understanding of prominent historical figures like the philosopher Socrates and Joan of Arc and come up short, believing the latter to be “Noah’s wife” and imagining that Julius Ceaser is a “salad dressing, dude”. In fact, you couldn’t pick a more unlikely duo to become the saviours of humanity and yet, as told by cordial time traveller Rufus (George Carlin), Wyld Stallyns’ music is destined to bring about world peace and universal harmony, ushering in a golden age that sees 2688 become a utopia where everyone adopts the duo’s laidback attitude and simple, carefree statement: “Be excellent to each other. Party on, dude”. Their music also assumedly paves the way for the mastery of time travel, with Rufus being charged by the Three Most Important People in the World (Clarence Clemons, Fee Waybill, and Martha Davis) to travel 700 years into the past in a time travelling phone booth to help the duo and avert disaster to the timeline.

Two loveable goofs are swept up in a time travel adventure to ensure a utopian future for humankind (and beyond).

Your affinity for Bill and Ted will depend entirely on your tolerance for their buffoonery and surfer dude speech. While both are essentially the same character, Bill tends to be brighter and more emotional while Ted is more of a doofus, with the duo also separated by Ted’s fear of his strict father and Bill’s amusing lust for his father’s (J. Patrick McNamara) much-younger wife, Missy (Amy Stock-Poynton). Both are equally clueless about history, chirpy and friendly, and make friends easily, trusting Rufus when he comes to aid them based on the recommendation of their future selves and befriending even volatile historical figures like Henry McCarty/William H. Bonney/Billy the Kid (Dan Shor) and Temüjin/Genghis Khan (Al Leong) with their cheerful nature. Despite being unable to communicate with the likes of Socrates (Tony Steedman) and Ludwig van Beethoven (Clifford David), Bill and Ted win them over by ad-libbing lyrics to heavy metal songs and introducing them to then-modern technology like keyboard synthesisers. The duo are surprisingly adaptable and well aware of their limitations, begging off when caught in a barroom brawl and fixing the time travelling phone booth on the fly with junk and gum. Though playful and carefree, they also know when things have turned “heinous” and are well aware of how “non-triumphant” their situation is. Bill is distraught when it appears Ted has been killed in 15th century England and are stunned when Rufus reveals they’re short on time due to Ted forgetting to wind his watch, though they’re surprisingly non-plussed when faced with beheading. The duo also win the eye of princesses Joanna (Diane Franklin) and Elizabeth (Kimberley LaBelle) simply by being their lovably, goofy selves and prove surprisingly resourceful, brave, and to adapt to the confusing nature of time travel well. When Ted’s dad arrests their historical figures, the duo scheme to manipulate time to acquire his keys and set up traps once they’ve completed their History report, showing that they’re not as dim-witted as they appear.

Bill and Ted’s friendly nature sees them recruit various historical figures to assist with their big project.

Indeed, 700 years into the future, Wyld Stallyns are revered and worshipped by all as the saviours of mankind. They experience a taste of this when they accidentally dial in to 2688 and see how worshipped they are, which understandably blows their minds as they don’t see themselves as being universally important despite their lofty aspirations. Their ability to bring together cultures and worlds is echoed in their time travel jaunt, which starts with them accidentally bringing Napoleon Bonaparte (Terry Camilleri) to 1988 San Dimas, California and leaving him with Ted’s little brother, Deacon (Frazier Bain), while they collect other historical figures to speak about the then-modern world. Mistakenly believing that time is on their side, the duo go a bit overboard with this, bouncing around history and overfilling the phone booth with Sigmund Freud (Rod Loomis), Joan of Arc (Jane Wiedlin), and even President Abraham Lincoln (Robert V. Barron), all of whom are confused and amazed to be caught up in a time travel adventure. Billy the Kid notably adapts to the strangeness very quickly, helping to guard the phone booth and acclimatise the others, who soon follow suit. When brought to 1988, the time displaced figures are astonished by modern technology and society and cannot help but explore the mall and get into various scrapes. This adds some additional comedy and tension as Bill and Ted must manipulate time to rescue their newfound friends and we get to see Joan of Arc developing a love for aerobics, Genghis Khan outfit himself with hockey pads and sticks, and Napoleon experiencing the thrills of a water park despite his initial confusion and being ditched by Deacon. While Bill and Ted may not seem like the most capable and knowledgeable representatives of their time, they teach the historical figures a fair bit about 1988 and learn from them in return, making new friends from their shared adventure.

While history says the duo succeed, they still have to charm and think their way out of some scrapes.

Time travel is presented as a closed loop in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Everything that has or will ever happen has already happened, hence the phone booth having a comprehensive directory for every time period. Thus, when Ted’s dad searches for his keys, it’s because Ted was fated to steal them for his future self, which he was always destined to do as the duo were fated to ace their History presentation thanks to Rufus’ intervention. Therefore, Rufus’ mission to go back in time to help the two stay together isn’t really to preserve the utopian future, but more to meet the conditions of history. It’s all played very fun and simple, with Bill and Ted meeting their future selves and experiencing both sides of that conversation and plucking figures from the past without unravelling the timeline, yet there are still some stakes present. Most notably, despite having a time machine, the duo are still against the clock as the present is constantly happening no matter where they are. Ted forgetting to wind his watch places a further time crunch on the duo when they must rescue their historical figures and obviously they’re desperate to do this as they don’t want to be separated. It’s all pretty low stakes and played for laughs, but it’s still entertaining seeing the duo bungle their way across time and through the various hiccups they experience along the way. These are surprisingly dangerous: the two almost get pummelled in a bar fight when Billy cheats at poker and would’ve been beheaded if Billy and Socrates hadn’t rescued them at the last minute. Luckily, they patch together the phone booth and retrieve Napoleon without much difficulty, but Ted’s dad is a constant thorn in their sides, leading them to distract and delay him with fun time travel shenanigans.

Thanks to their time-displaced friends, Bill and Ted ace History and take their first step towards their destiny.

While music is a huge part of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, it’s not as prominent as you might think. The only music featured in the duo’s big presentation comes from the strangely not-deaf Beethoven and the subject is mainly relegated to references by the two (they’re initially excited about being put in the “Iron Maiden”) and the idea that their music will eventually change the universe. Much of the film’s comedy is based on the duo’s pratfalls and goofy nature, which may be grating to some, but I find endlessly charming. They’re always so upbeat and constantly playing air guitar and shouting “Excellent!” and that positive energy is infectious. It certainly wins over their historical figures and even Ted’s dad and their History teacher (Bernie Casey) begrudgingly give the guys their props for delivering an entertaining presentation. Obviously, I’m not American so I don’t know how common it is for high school students to perform their subject presentations in front of their school but Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure gives the duo the stage they long for to do just that (despite us never seeing them preparing for the presentation during their time travel jaunt). Bill and Ted bring out their historical figures and introduce them, giving their peers a rundown on their history and accomplishments and their opinions on 1988. Interestingly, Ted has spent enough time with Socrates by the end to translate for him, again speaking to their unexpected intelligence. Freud also gives Ted the chance to work through some of his issues with his dad, the duo question Napoleon’s tactics, and Bill demonstrates his surprising skill at sword fighting against Koan of Arc, all to the amazement of the students (who probably assumed it was all an elaborate performance). After a ringing endorsement from Lincoln, the duo successfully pass History, sparing Ted from military school, and realise that they’re going to have to work at their craft to meet their full potential. Luckily, Rufus returns with the princesses, new guitars, and another pep talk to renew their enthusiasm, reassuring the audience that the seemingly talentless duo “do get better”.

Final Thoughts:
As much as I enjoy Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, I’ve always been more of a fan of the sequel, if I’m honest. While this first film is fun enough, I always feel like it drags a little in the middle and lacks a certain x-factor to really hook my interest. Perhaps if Napoleon had posed some kind of threat they’d need to address, that might’ve helped as the film is noticeably lacking in stakes and an antagonist. Still, the clue’s in the title: this is supposed to be a fun time travel adventure, not some cataclysmic drama about the end of the world. Bill and Ted are ridiculously loveable characters with unexpectedly distinct personalities, great taste in music, and jovial demeanours that make them a joy to watch. I love how they’re so friendly to everyone and instantly befriend all the historical figures, whose bemusement at the strange situation is equally enjoyable. I would’ve liked to see more scenes of the two touring 1988 with their time displaced friends just to see what hijinks they could get up to, but the last-minute drama of having to rescue them from Ted’s dad was still fun. If you find Bill and Ted annoying, you’re probably going to hate this film, but you’d be missing out, honestly. It’s not a film I throw on all the time and I do think the sequel is superior, but it’s a lot of fun, with some daft comedy moments and an entertaining depiction of time travel and alluring premise of utopia blossoming from the unlikeliest of characters. There’s a heartfelt message here about being carefree, friendly, and being “excellent to each other” that hits harder as I grow older and more cynical and the world becomes more tumultuous, so I’d definitely say this one is worth your time if you fancy an enjoyable romp through time.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Do you enjoy Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure? Did you like the duo’s laid-back demeanours or did you find their surfer talk grating? Were you a fan of the depiction of time travel and the way they manipulated time to their advantage? Which of the historical figures was your favourite? Can you foresee a time when all of humanity is united in harmony? What’s your favourite Keanu Reeves movie? Whatever your thoughts, leave a comment below and become a member on my Ko-Fi if you want me to cover more Bill & Ted content on the site.

Movie Night [K-DAY]: Reign of Fire

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In the absolutely bonkers Pacific Rim (del Toro, 2013), monstrous Kaiju first attacked humanity between 10 and 15 August 2013, making 10 August “K-DAY” and providing a fantastic excuse to talk about giant monsters!

Released: 12 July 2002
Director: Rob Bowman
Distributor: Buena Vista Pictures Distribution

Budget: $60 million
Box Office: $82.2 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 41% / 49%

Quick Facts:
Originally written in 1996, filmed at the Glendasan Valley Lead Mines in Ireland, and threatened by a foot-and-mouth outbreak, Reign of Fire’s dragons posed an anatomical challenge for visual effects studio Secret Lab. Christian Bale also suffered a minor head injury when co-star Matthew McConaughey (who insisted on staying in-character) accidentally headbutted him for real. Though accompanied by a lacklustre videogame, a poor box office and mixed reviews meant this under-rated film never got a sequel.

The Review:
Reign of Fire presents what, on paper, sounds like an exciting premise: dragons (well, wyverns, more accurately…) suddenly appear after millions of years in hibernation and go all scorched earth on humanity! The film even gets off to a strong start when young Quinn Abercromby (Ben Thornton) witnesses the awakening of the male dragon (“The Bull”) while visiting his mother (Alice Krige) while she’s working as a construction supervisor in London. It was her team’s digging that woke the ancient beats, which scrambled to the surface, killing Quinn’s mother and kick-starting a one-sided conflict with millions of dragons. Somewhat unfortunately, the entirety of humanity’s battle against the dragons is reduced to a series of photographs, snippets, and newspaper articles collected by the elder Quinn (Christian Bale), who delivers some exposition about how scientists discovered all-too late that the dragons destroyed the dinosaurs and became myth. Somehow, the Bull spawns millions of smaller (but still gigantic and no less deadly) females that decimate mankind’s cities and defences, leaving Paris and other landmarks burning, their relentless hunger for ash only encouraged when Earth’s military unleash nuclear weapons against the hoard, further devastating the world and all-but driving humanity to the brink of extinction. After eighteen years of off-camera strife and hardship, Quinn has established a close-knit community of stragglers, survivors, and (crucially) children, whom he leads alongside his best friend, Creedy (Gerard Butler), putting everyone to work digging deeper, building basic sanitary and living quarters, and establishing crops in and around Bamburgh Castle in Northumberland. Believing the dragons are unbeatable, since hundreds rise when one falls and he’s witnessed the extent of their wrath, Quinn plans to outlast the increasingly volatile and starving remnants rather than fight back, fully intending on handing leadership over to Jared Wilke (Scott Moutter), a boy Quinn begrudgingly adopted during the time skip, once he’s old enough.

Quinn’s number one priority is keeping his people safe to outlast the dragons.

Quinn’s plan is solid and his community is fairly well maintained under his leadership. They had rudimentary electricity, plumbing, an early warning system consisting of a scout and morse code, and follow a strict, almost religious routine of indoctrinating the children to “keep one eye on the sky” and flee for shelter rather than fight the dragons. Quinn and Creedy entertain the youngsters, who idolise them, with nightly reenactments of popular movies (which Quinn amusingly claims to have written) and don’t stand for any slacking, needing everyone to pitch in to the daily grind. For Eddie Stax (David Kennedy), this has become unbearable. After losing his wife and two kids on the road, and fearing starvation for his remaining brood, he regularly challenges Quinn’s authority, eager to ransack their harvest to feed his kids despite the danger that could attract and the long-term ramifications of picking the crops too early. Though Quinn talks him down, Eddie steals the keys to the castle jeep and takes his kids harvesting, attracting a dragon and losing two children, and leading to half the crop being destroyed before Quinn, Creedy, and Jared rescue them in fireproof outfits and using water hoses. While Quinn is sympathetic towards Eddie’s losses, he’s shaken by the man’s foolishness and almost loses hope for their situation but, as ever, Creedy gets him back on track and he redoubles his efforts to feed and care for his people. The friendship between Quinn and Creedy is a highlight, as is Quinn’s desperate desire to shelter the children. Clearly traumatised by his mother’s death and the flaming end of humanity, Quinn believes it’s foolish to fight or antagonise the dragons, especially as he’s seen the Bull backtrack to outposts and obliterate them. While I would’ve loved to see a more action-packed film focusing on the doomed campaign against the dragons and humanity’s downfall, focusing on Quinn, a desperate man trying to protect his community, makes the film much more relatable and intense, especially during Quinn’s emotional outbursts.

Van Zan’s crazed intensity clashes with Quinn and leads to a conflict of ideologies and masculinity.

Quinn’s relative peace is further disrupted by the second most dangerous and despicable creature on the planet: Americans. Soldiers, led by the physically imposing and unnervingly intense Denton Van Zan (Matthew McConaughey), roll into Bamburgh Castle looking to replenish their supplies and immediately clash with Quinn, who suspects them of being marauders. Though sceptical, Quinn’s won over by Van Zan’s talk of slaying dragons alongside Alex Jensen (Izabella Scorupco), a helicopter pilot who co-ordinates a death-defying team who sky dive to ensnare and kill dragons. Van Zan immediately captivates Quinn’s community, especially Eddie and Jared, with his enigmatic stature and persona. This is only exacerbated when Alex and her team successfully take down a passing dragon, only for Van Zan to chastise the celebrating community since the operation cost him two men. When confronted by Quinn, Van Zan immediately asserts his authority and recruits his people for an assault on the Bull in London. Thanks to Alex, the Americans have discovered that all dragons but the Bull are female and that the male flies over and fertilises thousands of eggs at a time. Therefore, Van Zan believes humanity’s only hope is to kill the Bull and therefore render the dragons extinct, a plan Quinn violently opposes since no one’s returned from London alive in years and the Bull is known to enact revenge. Despite his best efforts, Quinn is no match for the physically imposing and clearly insane Van Zan, who beats Quinn before his people and takes some of them for his plan. While Jared decides to bow out at the last minute, Eddie and the others aren’t so lucky, and Van Zan is left distraught when the Bull wipes his team out in a single pass. With only Alex left, he returns to the ransacked Bamburgh Castle in shame, deferring to Quinn’s authority and convincing Quinn to join them in bringing down the Bull. I’m no fan of Matthew McConaughey but he is excellent and almost unrecognisable in this role, depicted as a burly, surly, intimidating dragon slayer who wields an axe and has personal experience fighting dragons. Though he clearly has a death wish and a suicidal obsession with bringing the Bull down, Van Zan is framed as an honourable and formidable fighter, even if many of his methods and his gruff demeanour are questionable.

The ferocious and impressive dragons have all-but eradicated mankind.

Thanks to appearing sparingly, the dragons are pretty impressive when they appear, depicted as gigantic, winged terrors who swoop in and ignite people and the land with their saliva and feed on the ash left behind. Fast and massive, the dragons quickly dominate the skies and easily shrug off small-arms fire and, apparently, heavier ordinance. According to Van Zan, the dragons have excellent vision at all times except during “magic hour”, when the Sun is setting, though this doesn’t really factor into fighting them in a meaningful way. Van Zan prefers to risk his soldier’s lives by setting up three triangulation devices and having Alex air-drop men from a helicopter with a bola net to ensnare the beasts, a tactic that gives these “Archangels” a seventeen second life expectancy, but which has led to many dragon deaths. It’s not clear how there were any eggs for the Bull to fertilise when he first emerged, but it’s possible the previous generation laid eggs that went dormant over the years. Apparently, these eggs numbered in the millions as dragons quickly overwhelm humanity and appear endless, hinting towards an accelerated growth cycle or perhaps other dragons being in hibernation. Unfortunately for the dragons, they are far too efficient for their own good and, after eradicating most of humanity, turn to cannibalism to survive, their numbers severely dwindling, suggesting they have an overall short lifespan as they seem engineered only to wipe out populaces and then hibernate (a fact Quinn is counting on). While I can just about understand the biology and mechanics of the dragons, however, I still struggle to explain the Americans. Somehow, the Americans travelled across the Atlantic Ocean, travelled from God-knows where to Bamburgh Castle, then went from the castle to London (a 350-ish mile trip) and back again and the made the trip again all without encountering any significant dragon resistance and somehow finding enough supplies, fuel, and helicopter fuel up and down the fire-ravaged English countryside? Even worse, the trip from Bamburgh Castle to London seemingly takes no time at all, rather than the near six hours it would realistically take.

Quinn and Van Zan ultimately set aside their quarrel to bring down the alpha dragon.

Full of piss and vinegar, Van Zan openly defies Quinn and first asks for and then forcibly recruits volunteers for his London campaign. Despite his hands-on experience with dragons, Van Zan is completely unprepared for the Bull, which decimates his team and then attacks Bamburgh Castle, killing Creedy and many others. When Alex and Van Zan return, humbled and desperate, Quinn leaves Jared in charge and agrees to help the Americans using his knowledge of the city (despite it being in ruins). Although they’re outnumbered hundreds to three, the trio’s luck somewhat improves when the Bull feeds upon its smaller brethren to survive. While Van Zan defers to Quinn’s leadership, he outlines the general plan for the three to split up and bait the Bull then fire an explosive arrow down its throat right as it prepares to breathe fire. This gives Van Zan the opportunity to realise his suicidal dream of confronting the Bull head-on as he scales a tower and takes a shot, only for the Bull to detonate the arrow in mid-air. Thus, to buy Alex and Quinn time, Zan Van makes a desperate a dramatic lead towards the Bull and is snatched out of the air and eaten, allowing Alex and Quinn to regroup. Thanks to Alex providing cover fire, Quinn recovers his dropped explosive and takes the shot, ending the Bull in one swift move without even utilising the blinding sunset. In the aftermath, Quinn and Alex return to Bamburgh Castle and continue to sow crops, with Quinn handing leadership over to Jared as talks of additional survivors coming in from across the globe. Having taken up Van Zan’s axe and developed a more optimistic outlook, Quinn focuses on building and sowing crops and preparing to tackle any remaining dragons should they show up, with the film ending on the uplifting hope that humanity can recover from the devastation they’ve suffered.

Final Thoughts:
I’ve always been a fan of this one, though even I must admit that Reign of Fire drags a bit in the middle and isn’t all it could be. On the one hand, the dragons look great. They’re very serpentine and ferocious and it’s clear a lot of work went into making them biologically possible. I also really like how grounded and gritty the story is, with Reign of Fire focusing on survival, desperation, obsession, and human nature rather than big, bombastic action. Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey deliver some of their best work here, being natural opposites who are constantly on the brink of tearing each other apart and yet finding common ground against a mutual enemy. Part of me is disappointed that all the best parts of the dragon uprising are reduced to that opening montage; this is a film that really needed a prequel to show humanity’s war with and decimation by the dragons. I also cannot get over how the Americans managed to drive and fly around England without any issue, especially in this world, and occasionally wonder if the finale isn’t a little anti-climactic. Yet, I like the visual of the Bull being brought down by a smaller projectile; it’s very thematically powerful. While this isn’t a film I watch all that often, I do believe Reign of Fire is unfairly forgotten and dismissed and deserves a bit more time in the spotlight. It’s certainly one of the best dragon-orientated movies out there and also works as a decent post-apocalypse story, despite some questionable flaws and plot holes.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Reign of Fire? Were you also disappointed that we didn’t get to see how the dragons decimated humanity or did you prefer the more grounded story? Do you agree that was better to outlast the dragons or would you have joined Van Zan’s crusade? Can you explain how the Americans had enough fuel to travel up and down England? Would you have liked to see a sequel or prequel? What’s your favourite kaiju movie, and how are you celebrating K-Day today? Whatever your thoughts on Reign of Fire, kaiju, or monster movies in general, leave a comment below and donate to my Ko-Fi to fund more giant monster content!

Movie Night: Twins

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Released: 9 December 1988
Director: Ivan Reitman
Distributor: Universal Pictures

Budget: $18 million
Box Office: $216.6 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 42% / 40%

Quick Facts:
Born on this day in 1947, Arnold Schwarzenegger defined a genre with his muscular physique and action-packed roles. Director Ivan Reitman gave the Austrian Oak a chance to try some comedy with Twins, which saw him, co-star Danny DeVito, and Reitman cash in when they waved a salary for a percentage of the film’s unexpected financial success. Despite a mixed reception, life-long friendships were formed from the film, though a long-rumoured sequel was cancelled after Reitman’s unfortunate passing.

The Review:
Much of the comedy in Twins naturally focuses on the ludicrous idea that man-mountain Julius Benedict (Arnold Schwarzenegger) could ever be biologically related to squat, dishevelled Vincent Benedict (Danny DeVito). The physical mismatch between Schwarzenegger and DeVito is visually amusing, to say nothing of the characters having strikingly different philosophies and personalities. The Benedicts are not natural twins in the strictest sense, however, but rather the result of a top-secret biological experiment, run by Doctor Mitchell Traven (Nehemiah Persoff), to create the “perfect” human. By taking sperm donations from six mentally and physically fit volunteers, including Granger (Hugh O’Brian), and combining them into a super sperm, Dr. Traven and his associate, Professor Werner (Tony Jay), artificially inseminated Maryanne Benedict (Heather Graham), who successfully birthed a genetically superior child. However, the experiment surprisingly produced a second child, Vincent, whom Dr. Traven derogatorily describes as “all the crap that was left over”. Dr. Traven then separated the twins and lied to Maryanne and told her that her single child died at birth. Vincent went to an orphanage where he caused a fire, seduced a nun, and stole money from their fund before fleeing while Julius was sent to a tropical island with Professor Werner. Professor Werner fostered Julius’s mental and physical progression, moulding him into a kind-hearted and deeply intelligent man with the stature and strength of a demigod. However, isolation meant Julius was “all philosophy and no practise” as all his knowledge came from books rather than real-world experience. Although Professor Werner was honest about Julius’s origins, he chose to wait thirty-five years to tell him about Vincent, inspiring an obsession within the naïve Julius to seek out his twin in Los Angeles and complete himself, convinced that Vincent desperately needed his love and support.

Though shocked to learn of his muscular brother, Vincent soon reaps the benefits of Julius’s influence.

Julius isn’t wrong, either, as Vincent grew up to be little more than a street-smart scam artist and serial adulterer. A scheming, weasely little man, Vincent regularly tosses his parking tickets, steals cars from a parking lot, and peddles presumably stolen wares. Vincent is desperate to pay off the brutish Klane brothers (David Efron, Maury Chaykin, and Tom McCleister) and his shady nature earns him the ire of Marnie Mason (Kelly Preston), the overprotective sister of Vincent’s smitten girlfriend, Linda Mason (Chloe Webb), who adores Vincent despite his untrustworthy nature. When his luck runs out and Vincent is arrested, he’s initially suspicious when the towering Julius visits, assuming he’s an associate of the Klanes, but is equally stunned when Julius reveals they’re twin brothers. Although Julius was expecting someone more physically akin to himself, he immediately accepts and is devoted to Vincent, excitedly sharing his life story and his awe at the big city. Though sceptical, Vincent happily takes advantage of Julius’s kindness and naivety, tricking him into paying his bail and repeatedly trying to ditch him, only to change his opinion when Julius calmly and easily dispatches the Klane brothers. Impressed by Julius’s physical strength and seeing an opportunity, Vincent ropes his newfound brother into helping him steal a Mercedes, deceiving Julius with talk of a charity auction, and teaches Julius the ways of the big city, amazed at his brother’s intelligence. Although he’s aware that his brother is a rather unscrupulous individual, Julius is determined to help however he can, be it paying off Vincent’s debts or driving a stolen car despite never having driven before. Julius is excited to connect with his kin and his enthusiasm eventually breaks through Vincent’s scepticism, especially when Julius reveals key information about the experiment that birthed them. However, Vincent is reluctant to fully accept Julius as his brother as he’s spent his entire life alone and doesn’t want to get burned by opening his heart since he believes he was abandoned at birth.

Vincent’s encouragement and confidence sees Julius learn about the city…and women…

As disgusted as Marnie is by Vincent since she has no time for his lies and conniving ways, she’s immediately struck by the kind Julius, whose muscles and profound empathy contrast with Vincent’s squat stature and falsehoods. Although he clearly returns Marnie’s affections, years of isolation have made Julius shy and inexperienced around women, so he turns to Vincent for help. For all his faults, Vincent is quite the charmer, repurposing love songs as poetry and seducing them with a waltz, which he teaches to Julius in an amusing bonding scene. Vincent’s energetic enthusiasm for their dual hook-up makes Julius uncharacteristically nervous but his brother’s encouragement (and a few beers) helps calms Julius’s worries, and Marnie’s thirst for him soon sees Julius getting some much-needed sexual experience. Linda is besotted with Vincent, forgiving his multiple betrayals, lies, and faults, and falling for his silver tongue. When she sees Vincent packing up to head to New Mexico, she insists on going with him, forcing Vincent to begrudgingly take them all on a road trip with a stop-off to search for their birth mother. Linda’s the only one who knows about the mysterious merchandise in the Mercedes and the only one he confides in that he hopes to cash-in by delivering it to the mysterious and oddly named Beetroot McKinley (Trey Wilson). The Masons are fun inclusions and support their men admirably, dressing up nice to visit a Santa Fe art colony where Dr. Traven says their mother is sequestered and offering support when an artist (Bonnie Bartlet) reveals their mother passed some time prior. Unfortunately, Vincent takes this revelation very badly, throwing a tantrum and chastising himself for opening his mind and heart to the idea of them all being a true family, and ditches them in the middle of New Mexico. It’s Linda who reveals how deep a hole Vincent has gotten himself into and inspires Julius to chase his brother down once more using the amusing twin telepathy the two are shown to share.

The psychotic Webster is annoyed when Vincent cons him out of his $5 million payday.

Vincent gets the score of his life when he boosts the Mercedes as it contains a prototype fuel injector worth billions. Desperate to acquire the device, Beetroot arranges for mercenary Webster (Marshall Bell) to pick up the car and drive it to Houston, Texas for a cool $5 million, only for Webster to be stunned when the car is missing. Webster investigates, gunning down anyone who sees his face as he goes, and learns Vincent stole the car and is planning to deliver it in his place. Although Beetroot is outraged when Vincent (posing as Webster) tries to renegotiate, he’s soon calmed when a shellshocked Vincent accepts the standing offer and barely blinks when he learns that the device is with the wrong man. Webster understands that business is business and appears not to hold a grudge, however he remains hot on Vincent’s trail and tracks him to a remote McKinley facility, where Vincent receives his payoff and Webster callously offs Beetroot. Although Julius intervenes, Vincent reluctantly double back to keep his brother from being shot, exasperated by the conscience the good-natured Julius has fostered in him, leading to an amusing moment where the Benedicts bicker while held at gunpoint by Webster. Webster doesn’t get much screen time but he’s a perfectly acceptable psychopath when he appears. Calm and seemingly reasonable, he thinks nothing of killing those who see his face or leaving the Klane brothers nursing bullet wounds in their ankles. I do wonder if it might’ve been better to slightly rewrite things and have Webster be the Klane patriarch, just to tie all those plot threads together, but he facilitates some amusing moments in the finale while also giving Julius another opportunity to show that he’s just as capable of ending confrontations with his intellect as he is his muscles.

The unlikely twins’ search for their mother sees them complete each other and become a real family.

Twins was a very different role for Arnold Schwarzenegger at the time that showed he’s capable of excellent comedy, especially as a “fish out of water”. Julius is amazed by the big city, by sexy magazines and lingerie, and it’s fun watching him wander about, taking it all in, oblivious to street crime and scams. He’s immediately taken by Vincent and desperately tries to connect with him, even when Vincent drives off and leaves him behind and tries to ditch him to deliver the fuel injector. Danny De Vito is the perfect physical and comedic foil for Schwarzenegger and it’s funny seeing how different they are, with Vincent being a cynical and pessimistic outcast and Julius always seeing the best in people and being unquestionably positive and trusting. Each learn from the other to become more whole but it’s Vincent who has the most to gain from his brother as he reluctantly allows himself to believe there’s a chance they can be reunited with their mother, who didn’t die in birth. Vincent insists on addressing Julius’s wardrobe and questionable social skills and is excited to be a family, only to be crushed when he’s told his mother has died. Yet, Julius’s influences sees Vincent act against his better nature and self-preservation and risk confronting Webster to keep Julius from being shot. Vincent is aghast when Julius insists they return the $5 million, only to profit from the gesture with a $50,000 reward and squirrel away $1 million as recompense. Vincent and Julius use their reward to settle their debts and start a consulting firm and find a new sense of self and happiness with each other than only doubles when the artist they met comes to them in shame, revealing herself to be their mother and finally uniting them as a family with Professor Warner and the Masons, and two new sets of twins!

Final Thoughts:
Twins was a firm favourite of mine as a kid, when I grew up watching a slightly edited version that removed the few instances of swearing. I really enjoyed the physical differences between Julius and Vincent, how incredibly different they were and yet how alike they are, with Schwarzenegger and De Vito utilising similar mannerisms and body language to show that that Benedicts are more alike than they appear. This was a really fun role for Schwarzenegger that gave him a chance to be a bit deeper and more rounded than his action roles. Julis is deeply empathetic and philosophical and incredibly intelligent, using violence as a last resort and impressing with his kind heart and enthusiasm as much as his muscles. De Vito steals the show as Vincent, however, being a loud, arrogant, outspoken conman whose heart is melted by his brother’s good nature. While Webster and some of the fuel injector subplot isn’t very developed, it’s largely secondary and simply here as a reason to get the twins on the road and learning rom each other. It works for what it is, which Vincent being clueless about what the device is and interested only in the money and Webster being exasperated that this small-time crook has scammed him out of $5 million. Twins is a great, feel-good film to put on in the early afternoon or mid-evening and just have a fun time, laughing at Vincent’s shenanigans and Julius’s naivety and joining the two on their emotional journey to become a proper family. It’s a great showcase for Arnold’s acting range and still holds up today, so it’s an easy recommendation from me.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Do you enjoy Twins? Did you like seeing Arnold in a more comedic role? What did you think to the differences and similarities between the Benedicts? Were you invested in the fuel injector sub-plot? Are you disappointed that we never got a sequel? How are you celebrating Schwarzenegger’s birthday today and what’s your favourite Schwarzenegger film? Whatever you think, go ahead and leave your thoughts below, support the site on Ko-Fi, and check out my other Schwarzenegger content on the site.

Movie Night: Predator: Badlands

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Released: 7 November 2025
Director: Dan Trachtenberg
Distributor: 20th Century Studios

Budget: $105 million
Box Office: $184.6 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 87% / 95%

Quick Facts:
After 20th Century Fox was purchased by the Walt Disney Company in 2017, director Dan Trachtenberg revitalised the Predator franchise (Various, 1987 to present) with Prey (2022) and a successful anthology film. Trachtenberg followed these efforts with this Western-inspired, Yautja-centric film that aimed to further expanded the species’ culture. Wētā Workshop contributed to the redesigned hunter and intricate effects work, and the movie even revisited combining the Alien (1979 to present) and Predator franchises for a celebrated entry more than worthy of discussing on “Predator Day”.

The Review:
I’ve said for years that the Predator franchise is severely misused in cinema. There is so much potential with where you can place the Yautja, how you can change up their technology and settings, from dropping them in the Old West to exploring other alien worlds. Thankfully, Dan Trachtenberg seems to fully understand this as his efforts have done a masterful job of expanding upon Yautja society and showcasing the alien hunters in new locations. Predator: Badlands finally gives a better look at their home world, Yautja Prime, which is noticeably different from the glimpse we got in AVPR: Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (The Brothers Strause, 2007). In a barren, rocky, but no less dangerous sector of the planet, “unblooded” Dek (Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi) matches himself against his bigger, older brother, Kwei (Mike Homik/Stefan Grube), in hopes of earning his cloak. Fuelled by rage and with a chip on his shoulder, Dek fights furiously with a plasma sword and shoulder-mounted grapnel, having not yet earned his plasma cannon or blades, but fails to best his brother, who’s not only bigger and stronger but also far more experienced at using the environment to his advantage. Considered the “runt” of their clan and the embarrassment of their decorated father, Njohrr (Reuben De Jong/Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi), Dek is desperate to prove himself as worthy as his brother and thus eagerly demands to head to Genna, a hostile world home to the dreaded Kalisk, an unkillable apex predator even Njohrr fears. Enraged that Kwei protected his brother rather than cull him, Njohrr summarily executes Kwei as a helpless Dek watches on, furious at the loss and remotely transported to Genna with his brother’s last breath.

Runt hunter Drek must team with a damaged android to find his prey.

Though he hasn’t earned the iconic Yautja gear, Dek still crash lands with an assortment of weapons that he promptly loses when Genna’s forest attacks him. Left with only his plasma sword and a glaive, Dek continues through the hazardous world on the trail of the Kalisk, only to stumble into a field of explosive plants that threaten to leave him helpless against a gigantic, winged lizard. Luckily for Dek, Thia (Elle Fanning), a dismembered Weyland-Yutani Corporation synthetic who speaks Yautja, is nearby to convince the stubborn, prideful Dek to accept her help. After being torn in two by the Kalisk, her entire synthetic crew destroyed by the beast, and separated from her “sister”, Tessa (Elle Fanning), Thia offers to guide Dek to the Kalisk to reunite with her sister (and her legs) and get Dek his trophy. Though reluctant to accept help, and annoyed by Thia’s chatty nature, Dek agrees, viewing her as a “tool” to assist him, and lugs her around, encountering more of Genna’s dangers such as razor-sharp grass, acid-spitting worms, and exploding slugs. Dek’s forced to take on another straggler when the armour-plated, goblin-like “Bud” (Rohinal Nayaran) helps him bring down a Bone Bison amidst the razor grass, being branded by the creature but hesitant to accept her, or Thia, as he’s been rejected by his people and determined to claim his prize alone, as per Yautja creed. Still, Dek reluctantly shares some of his past and motivations with the inquisitive Thia, betraying his grief for his brother and inspiring him to be a protector rather than an apex predator. The relationship between Dek and Thia is a highlight, with the Predator showcasing a sarcastic sense of humour. Still, he’s blinded by his determination, learning the hard way that the Kalisk has an uncanny healing factor that makes it virtually unbeatable. Dek also abandons Bud since he has no use for him, yet rages when Thia alerts the Company to their location so she can reunite with Tessa.

The hostile environment is made worse by Tessa and the Company’s synthetics.

After being critically damaged by the Kalisk, Tessa is repaired and reprimanded by MU/TH/UR (Alison Wright), learning that her compassion for her sister led to their failure to capture the Kalisk and exploit its incredibly regenerative powers. Driven by this prime directive, Tessa has a far less empathy than her sister and is noticeably more cold-hearted, stealing Dek’s weapons to combat the environment and using Yautja freeze grenades to capture the Kalisk and the Predator. Thia’s joy at being reunited with her sibling quickly dissipates when she witnesses Tessa’s callous treatment of Dek and her, with Thia ordered to be deactivated and Tessa having the other synthetics (Cameron Brown) transport their quarry off-world. Thanks to Thia’s intervention, Dek is freed and re-evaluates his priorities, cobbling together makeshift “weaponry” and armour from the planet’s ecosystem and inhabitants. He feeds some of the acid worms to use them as substitute plasma blasters, uses the slugs as explosives, protects himself in Bone Bison hide, and even uses Thia’s dismembered legs to distract the synths. Finally recognising Thia and Bud as allies, Dek storms the Weyland-Yutani base, gloriously slaughtering the synthetics without a drop of red blood. He also showcases his growth into a protector as he becomes determined to rescue to Kalisk after realising it’s Bud’s mother and spared his life thanks to Bud marking him with her scent. He might be a runt and lack the regular Yautja weaponry, but Dek is still a capable and impressive hunter. He’s stubborn and determined to prove himself, but far from naïve and has clearly tested himself in the past. As the lead, he showcases more emotion and personality than previous Predators, revealing more about their culture and their code of honour and initially reluctant to work with others. He’s highly adaptable and refuses to quit, utilising the environment that’s tried so hard to kill him to rescue his makeshift clan and tearing through the synthetics despite being outnumbered and outgunned.

Dek forms an unlikely clan to claim his honour.


I was surprised by how big a role Weyland-Yutani played in Predator: Badlands. I assumed Thia would be the only link to the Company, but Weyland-Yutani are all over Genna, their synthetics act as cannon fodder for Dek, and Tessa is positioned as a heartless antagonist. It’s difficult to place where the film fits in the combined Alien and Predator timeline but I liked that the Company is aware of the Yautja, to the point where Thia can speak their language, and that the film finally brought both franchises together again. Despite the size, ferocity, and reputation of the Kalisk, Dek faces it without fear, ready to die with honour but eager to succeed where others (and his father) failed. Unfortunately, he fails to heed Thia’s warnings and underestimates the voracious beast, just as he underestimates Tessa’s capabilities as she attacks him in a massive power loader equipped with buzzsaws, mechanical fists, and Dek’s plasma cannon. Thanks to Thia and Bud, Dek holds Tessa off long enough to disable the power loader with one of his freeze grenades, leaving her as food for the Kalisk, which Dek affectionately bonds with moments before Thia freezes and explodes it from the inside out! Disgusted by Thia’s emotions, Tessa moves to execute her with the plasma cannon, rejecting their familial bond, only to be skewered by Dek, her head claimed as a trophy that Dek and his newfound clan return to Yautja Prime sometime later. Dek demands that Njohrr gift his cloak as a reward and clashes with his father when he continues to dismiss him for his smaller stature, leading Dek to attack. Though still outmatched by Njohrr, Dek’s experiences allow him to disarm his father and restrain him with a plasma trap, just as he did Kwei, driving the humbled Njohrr to finally acknowledge Dek’s strengths and offer him a place with the clan. Dek refuses, however, having already found his people, leaving the grown-up Bud to devour his father’s head and claiming his cloak, only for Dek and his allies to face the looming threat of his mother (though it would’ve been fun to have the three hunted by the Grendel King (Britton Watkins)).

The Summary:
After years of uncertainty or questionable absences from cinema screens, it’s wonderful to see the Predator franchise going through this newfound resurgence. I find it amazing that we’ve reached a point where a Yautja can be cast as the lead in one of these movies and for it to still be an enjoyable and surprisingly complex experience. While I still find Dex’s ponytail look a bit unflattering for a Predator, I really enjoyed the further insight into Yautja culture and language. It was a nice change of pace to focus on a young, inexperienced, and outcast hunter who is compelled to prove himself, especially as this gave Dek an engaging narrative arc where he learns there’s more to life than the strict Yautja code. Dek faces an uphill battle no matter where he is as even his own people turn against him, to say nothing of Genna’s hostile inhabitants and flora, which Dek wisely utilises to his advantage in the finale. Dek’s relationship with Thia was a highlight of the film, with her constantly needling him and in many ways mirroring him, especially in her relationship with Tessa, who becomes almost a mirror of Dek as the film goes on. Predator: Badlands looks incredible and smartly splashes only alien and synthetic blood, allowing for some gruesome kills that don’t detract from the film’s mainstream appeal, and I was super excited to officially get back on the road towards a more faithful Aliens vs. Predator film. I always enjoy seeing new sides to the Predator and fleshing out their species, and seeing different variations of the hunters in actions, and Predator: Badlands easily stands as one of the best and most engaging entries in the series.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Did you enjoy Predator: Badlands? What did you think to the relationship between Dek and Thia? Did you like the idea of following a Yautja runt or did the subtitles bother you? Were you surprised by how big a role Weyland-Yutani played? Where do you see Dek and his clan going next? What time periods or settings would you like to see the Predator placed in? How are you celebrating the franchise today? Whatever you thought about Predator: Badlands, comment below and then donate to my Ko-Fi if you liked this review.

Movie Night: A Million Ways to Die in the West

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Released: 30 May 2014
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Distributor: Universal Pictures

Budget: $40 million
Box Office: $87.2 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 33% / 41%

Quick Facts:
Seth MacFarlane and co-writers Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild conceived of this Western comedy while watching Hang ’Em High (Post, 1968) and musing about how dangerous the Wild West was. McFarlane’s second foray into live-action directing saw Charlize Theron jump at the chance to be in a comedy and gave Liam Neeson (who was born on this day in 1952) a rare opportunity to use his natural Irish accent, though the film’s critical response was largely mixed.

The Review:
It’s only fair to begin by saying I’ve never been a huge fan of Westerns. I don’t like to say it because it applies to so many genres, but they really are one of the most predictable types of movies. There’s always a dusty town in the middle of nowhere with little to no law, a bar, probably a square dance, and a shoot out or two, and usually a gruff loner or gunslinger to boot. In A Million Ways to Die in the West, our dusty town is Old Stump, Arizona, an unremarkable location in the grand scheme of things and yet no less dangerous. As pointed out by timid sheep farmer Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane), 1882 is a bad time to be alive. There are literally a million ways to meet your end in the Old West, from diseases like cholera and dysentery, to wild animals like wolves, coyotes, and rattlesnakes, to bandits, enraged “Indians”, bar fights, and even visiting the doctor. As related by our unseen narrator (Rex Linn), Albert was born in the wrong era. While everyone else in town barely blinks an eye at the sight of the mayor laying dead in the street or a worker being smushed into red paste while unloading a block of ice, or Pastor Wilson (John Aylward) gunning down a man and his son, Albert is mortified by the constant threat of danger. A distinctly twentieth century soul who makes anachronistic allusions, Albert desperately tries to make people see how disgusting, hazardous, and awful life is in the Old West and is generally laughed off, even by his good friend Edward (Giovanni Ribisi), who simply shrugs off their ludicrous situation. Armed with this metatextual awareness, Albert does everything he can to stay safe and out of trouble, talking his way out of gunfights by promising to pay off those he’s inadvertently wronged and meekly burying his head in the sand and despair at his lot in life.

Heartbroken, aggrieved sheep farmer Albert finds a kindred soul in Anna, who boosts his confidence.

As Albert would rather avoid confrontation and danger whenever possible, his meek character is met with apathy and dismissal by his long-term girlfriend, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who callously dumps him for being “yellow” and leaves him distraught as she was the only good thing in his life. Faced with a lifetime of misery as a near useless sheep farmer cursed with a flock of unruly and incompetent sheep, Albert drowns his sorrows with Edward and frequently rages at the state of the world, even contemplating suicide since he hates the Old West so much. While Edward tries to lift his friend’s spirits, he’s faced with his own dilemma as he tries to stay a devout Christian while clumsily desiring his prostitute girlfriend, Ruth (Sarah Silverman), who is amusingly happy to perform unspeakable sex acts with her patrons but hesitates to have pre-marital sex as she’s very beholden to her religious beliefs. Though stuck in a quagmire of self-loathing, Albert can’t help but help newcomer Anna Barnes-Leatherwood (Charlize Theron) during a bar fight started by her “brother”, Lewis (Evan Jones). Out of gratitude, Anna offers Albert a sympathetic ear and they quickly become friends, with her questioning his heartache over Louise, a flaky and shallow beauty who hooks up with well-to-do moustache connoisseur Foy (Neil Patrick Harris) since he’s so conceited, arrogant, and rich that she can have everything she wanted. Initially, Anna happily poses as Albert’s new girlfriend, helping him to make Louise jealous and get one up on Foy, a wealthy businessman with great social stature who constantly mocks Albert out of smug superiority. Emboldened by Anna’s support, Albert surprises himself by challenging Foy to a duel and, after seeing how awful his marksmanship skills are, Anna offers to help him since she’s a crack shot with a six-shooter. In the process, Albert finds a kindred spirit as Anna also recognises the absurdity of the Old West, where even something as simple as the county fair is fraught with death and danger.

Abused by her outlaw husband, Anna is smitten by Albert’s kindness and down-to-earth attitude.

While Albert is understandably smitten by Anna thanks to her kindness and companionship, eventually kissing her after a barn dance and in her debt after she slips Foy a laxative that humiliates him with a bout of public diarrhoea, he’s sadly unaware of her true background. Arriving in town with Lewis and standing out for her beauty and rationality, Anna is actually the abused wife of infamous outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), a quietly psychotic gunslinger who orders Anna to wait in Old Stump while he and his men pull off another job. After a lifetime of Clinch’s abuse and violence, Anna is relieved to be amongst normal people and appreciates Albert in a way Louise never could, seeing him as a kind-hearted soul beaten into self-loathing by a dangerous world and the people around him. Somewhat unaccustomed to social norms, Anna struggles to acclimatise to formal functions and is much happier knocking back shots or blasting bottles with her keen eye. Sharing many of Albert’s observations on the Old West, Anna gets swept up in what he sees as his boring, humdrum, everyday life but to her is a welcome reprieve from Clinch’s brutality. Albert is devastated when Clinch arrives, having been alerted to his wife’s infidelity by Lewis, and is ready to pack up and leave after the betrayal. Although Anna tries to explain and protect him, she’s forced to reveal Albert’s name to Clinch to protect her adopted dog, Plugger (Unknown). However, realising she loves Albert, Anna fends Clinch off when he tries to rape her and Albert, returning her feelings, cannot help but shield her when Clinch comes looking for her, leading Albert to race into the desert where he’s aided by Apaches led by Chief Cochise (Wes Studi), who subject Albert to a drug-induced mind fuck that sees him gather his resolve to meet Clinch’s challenge to a duel.

While Clinch is sadly absent, Foy makes for an amusing and snarky rival for Albert.

A notorious and widely feared outlaw, Clinch isn’t a man to be trifled with. While he routinely snaps at and belittles his wife, exerting his physical dominance and barking orders, he’s also extremely possessive of Anna and thinks nothing of gunning down a random bystander (Ryan Reynolds) when he hears she’s been unfaithful or an elderly prospector (Matt Clark) just to prove a point. Though she hates her husband, Anna is terrified of his wrath and desperately tries to shield Albert from him, to the point where she’s reduced to being a hostage to force Albert into a duel. Although Anna helps improve Albert’s shooting skills, he knows he’s no match for Clinch and instead choose to fight smarter, using the knowledge that Clinch will fire on “two” to wound the outlaw with a grazing shot laced with snake venom. Thus, Albert uses his dislike of the hazardous Old West to his advantage and, while Clinch dies without hearing Albert’s plan, it’s enough to impress the town, and Louise, who Albert happily snubs in favour of Anna. While Liam Neeson oozes quiet menace as Clinch, he’s sadly absent for most of the film and even Lewis is a minor antagonist, at best. Thus, Albert largely clashes with Foy, played with expert comedic charisma by Neil Patrick Harris. An egotistical blowhard who is especially proud of his beautiful moustache, Foy sees Albert as inferior in every way and relishes the chance to rub his wealth and social stature in his rival’s face, happy to shoot Albert to cement his claim to Louise. Since he can’t hope to afford the products required for a moustache and is awful at dancing, Albert’s overwhelmed and pushed to his limit after Foy leads a scathing dance number in the film’s most amusing moment. Sadly, Albert and Foy’s rivalry ends in little more than toilet humour when Anna induces explosive diarrhoea in him, which was a bit disappointing considering their bickering had been so amusing prior to that.

The film’s comedy is at its best when it’s criticising the genre and focusing on Albert and Foy’s rivalry.

I always find reviewing comedies tough as it’s difficult to relate what makes something funny and how the jokes work. A Million Ways to Die in the West bases much of its humour around the absurdity of the Old West, a time when just going to the outhouse could be fatal, when doctors prescribe potential lethal remedies, and when stampeding bulls can gore through the annual fair. Albert comments upon all of this, and more, with an alarmed and disgusted manner, raging at how violent and dangerous the Old West is and begging those around him to admit that life is unreasonably hard, only to be met with apathy. Seth MacFarlane delivers this comedy with his trademark deadpan, metatextual delivery as Albert casually talks about horrendous diseases and events as being part of everyday life. Albert is an awkward and timid soul who’s initially unsure of himself and desperate to avoid conflict, so he rambles to get out of gunfights and stages a playfight during a barroom brawl to avoid injury. While Clinch doesn’t give Neeson much of a chance to flex his comedic chops, his growling delivery and surly nature make him the perfect comedic foil when Anna blasts him with a rock and sticks a flower into his ass crack. The film excels when focusing on the rivalry between Albert and Foy, however, with the two trading insults at a rapid and witty pace, or when demonstrating how hazardous the Old West can be as a single gunshot is enough to incite a brawl and you never know when some stranger (Jamie Foxx) is going to show up to gun you down for your racist shooting gallery. While the comedy lands most of the time, the film wasn’t as funny as McFarlane’s animated efforts, lacking his signature cut-away gags and over the top violence. There are still some amusing bits, though, like the running gag about Albert’s sheep being on his roof and Ruth’s questionable sexual activity, the hilarious moustache song, and Albert’s bizarre mind trip courtesy of Chief Cochise.

Final Thoughts:
I feel like A Million Ways to Die in the West is largely overlooked, especially compared to Seth McFarlane’s other works, and that is a bit of a shame as there’s a lot to like here. Albert Stark was an amusing character and a fun underdog to get behind. Since I’m not a fan of Westerns, I really enjoyed him commentating on and criticising the Old West and the ludicrous depiction of how dangerous life on the frontier could be. I felt he and Anna had great chemistry as kindred spirits, with her bolstering his self-esteem and him showing her the affection and respect she so lacked in her marriage. While Liam Neeson commanded the screen every time he appeared, Clinch was sadly far too absent for my liking. It worked to paint him up as a near-mythical, feared figure but I can’t help but wonder if the film might’ve been better if Clinch had set himself up as the town mayor or something. Thankfully, Foy is on hand to make a great rival for Albert, being a slimy, arrogant snob who delights in belittling Albert and gets off on his wealth and social status. The bickering between Albert and Foy was a highlight of the movie and again something that might’ve been better to focus on as the film loses some momentum after Foy shits himself in the street. I can see why many would dismiss and forget this film as it’s not as memorable as McFarlane’s animated shows or other filmic ventures and a lot of the comedy doesn’t land unless, perhaps, you’re a fan of seeing the genre be picked apart. Even some fun cameos by the likes of Christopher Lloyd don’t help bolster A Million Ways to Die in the West, which remains a somewhat amusing venture that sadly isn’t as gut-burstingly hilarious as it might like to be.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Are you a fan of A Million Ways to Die in the West? Are you a fan of Westerns and, if so, did you like seeing the genre mocked? Did you enjoy Albert’s outbursts about how dangerous and ridiculous the Old West was? Do you agree that Clinch should’ve featured more prominently? Did you also enjoy the rivalry between Foy and Albert? Do you have a moustache? How are you celebrating Liam Neeson’s birthday today? Leave a like and comment below with your feedback and donate to my Ko-Fi to support the site.

Movie Night [Dragon Ball Day]: Dragon Ball: Curse of the Blood Rubies

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DragonBallDay

When the Great Demon King Piccolo was released, he declared May 9th “Piccolo Day” and promptly claimed ownership of the planet, giving us as a good excuse to celebrate all things Dragon Ball today.

Released: 20 December 1986
Director: Daisuke Nishio
Distributor: Toei Company, Ltd.

Budget: Unknown
Box Office: ¥1.36 billion
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 60%

Quick Facts:
Inspired by Journey to the West (Cheng’en, 1592), Akira Toriyama’s Dragon Ball first appeared in Weekly Shōnen Jump back in 1984 before making the jump to anime in 1986. Dragon Ball’s popularity saw it expand into celebrated spin-offs and feature films (most without Toriyama’s involvement), beginning with this first of many retellings of Son Goku’s (Colleen Clinkenbeard) early adventures. Initially dubbed to sell Dragon Ball to American syndicators, Dragon Ball: Curse of the Blood Rubies has been re-dubbed numerous times and is generally considered a fun introduction to the consistently popular franchise.

The Review:
Dragon Ball’s first feature-length anime starts a trend that would somewhat dog the feature-length adventures for decades in that it’s a very loose retelling of the first story arc of the series, the “Emperor Pilaf Saga”, rather than being part of the main series canon. The diminutive Emperor Pilaf (Chuck Huber) is sadly missing, substituted for the more grotesque and greedy King Gurumes (Jeremy Inman), who has recently undergone a dramatic and monstrous change of appearance and personality after discovering the Blood Rubies buried in his kingdom. The cursed gemstones turn King Gurumes into a rotund, toad-like creature and leave him perpetually hungry no matter how much he eats. Angered and dismayed, King Gurumes sends his troops – led by trigger happy Pasta (Kate Oxley) and the muscular Bongo (Jonathan Brooks) – to find the legendary Dragon Balls, seven magical balls that summon the eternal dragon, Shenron (Christopher Sabat), who then grants a single wish before the balls scatter. As King Gurumes desires to wish away his never-ending hunger, he thinks nothing of ordering his forces to uproot villages searching for the balls, ruining the lives of farmers like young Pansy (Cherami Leigh) and her father (Brian Mathis), who takes a beating for daring to stand up to Bongo. King Gurumes soon acquires and eats four Dragon Balls (which probably exacerbates his condition), before ordering Pansy to disregard the threat of “fortune hunters” seeking the final two balls and complete her mission so he can finally feel full.

Reclusive super kid Goku teams with Bulma and some vagabonds to quest for the mystical Dragon Balls.

Bulma (Monica Rial) is one such fortune hunter.  The scientific genius heir of the Capsule Corporation, Bulma is here a young girl with a few gadgets hoping to wish for a boyfriend. Bulma follows her homemade Dragon Radar to the wilderness of Mount Paozu and literally bumps into sheltered, monkey-tailed Goku, a naïve boy with superhuman strength and an extendable power pole who’s never seen a girl and thinks technology like planes and motorcycles are giant birds and monsters. Living alone ever since the offscreen death of his Grampa Gohan, Goku is initially wary of Bulma since she doesn’t look like any human he’s ever seen and opts to shoot him after being startled by him! Luckily, Goku’s bulletproof and inherently kind-hearted, so he takes Bulma to see the four-star Dragon Ball left to him by his grampa, only to find it replaced by a Gurumes-branded coin as Pasta and Bongo have already stolen it. To retrieve his family heirloom, Goku joins Bulma, saving her life after Pasta blows up her craft and eagerly meeting any threats along the way. A curious boy with an insatiable appetite and incredible fighting prowess, Goku is largely an enigma here; there’s no insight into his background and no one seems to think it’s weird that he has a tail. He easily recovers from any attack and defeats foes twice his size and showcases his superhuman aptitude for fighting when the rag-tag group visits the reclusive Master Roshi (Mike McFarland) for help and Goku masters the old man’s patented Kamehameha, a chi-blast technique it took Master Roshi fifty years to learn! Goku also demonstrates his pure heart by riding Master Roshi’s Flying Nimbus and is the only one with no interest in asking Shenron to grant a wish. Goku also doesn’t hesitate to defend Pansy when the shape-shifting Oolong (Bryan Massey) assumes a demonic form and seems almost bored when the group is threatened by Yamcha (Christopher Sabat), a desert bandit looking to rob them.

Perverts and bandits stand between these unlikely heroes and their heart’s desires.

Curse of the Blood Rubies speeds through many of Goku’s early adventures to service its unique plot, with Goku and Bulma meeting Oolong as he surprises Panasy in the woods and then immediately being targeted by Yamcha and his shape-changing cat friend, Puar (Brina Palencia), who Goku promptly humiliates. After hearing of Pansy’s plight, Oolong falls in with Goku and Bulma in hopes of wishing for some girly underwear and the three journey to a small island to ask the legendary Master Roshi for help. Though Yamcha beats them there and tries to fool Master Roshi into thinking the group are looking to steal his shell, the bandit’s deception is quickly revealed and this, coupled with his crippling shyness around women, forces him to flee. Indeed, Puar is amazed to learn that her “master” doesn’t want to wish for riches or power but instead wants to wish away his shyness so he can fall in love, get married, or at least go on a few dates! Master Roshi is revealed to be a dirty old pervert and only agrees to part with his Dragon Ball if Bulma shows her boobs. While Bulma agrees, she secretly has Oolong imitate her but is enraged when Oolong takes liberties with her goods and at how pleased Master Roshi is at seeing her tits. Unfortunately, these shenanigans allow Pasta and Bongo to launch a surprise attack from a submarine and steal one of the Dragon Balls, though Master Roshi is so impressed by Goku’s natural aptitude for fighting that he politely declines to join their quest as he believes Pansy has all the help she needs. Thus, Master Roshi is more of a cameo rather than Goku’s teacher, there to give us some amusingly perverted moments and teach Goku his famous energy blast (which amusingly fails to make a dent in the monstrous King Gurumes).

Unsurprisingly, the corrupted King Gurumes and his minions are easily bested to restore the land.

During their assault on King Gurumes’ opulent palace, Bulma, Oolong, and Pansy are shot down and Goku fights Bongo, easily destroying the brute’s hovercraft even in mid-air. The group are joined by Yamcha, though he’s left dazed and paralyzed when tangling with Pasta as he accidentally grabs her boob. Pasta tosses pipe bombs at the fleeing trio, and everyone ends up in King Gurumes’ throne room, where the grotesque monarch is fully revealed for the first time. Unable to contain his great hunger, he spontaneously grows to gigantic size and tramples his henchman in his desperate desire for the final Dragon Ball. Although Goku holds the giant back, the Kamehameha has no effect, leaving Bulma to defeat the corrupted king by willingly tossing the final Dragon Ball into his gaping maw and summoning Shenron. Although Bulma, Oolong, and Yamcha all vie to make the coveted wish, they defer to Pansy, who begs Shenron to restore her land. With a flash of his eyes, the eternal dragon grants the wish and disappears, leaving Goku determined to hunt down his grandfather’s trinket once more. Bulma and Yamcha’s despair at being denied the chance at happiness evaporates when they realise they share a common interest in wanting to be with someone and therefore find a natural solution to their wish, while Pansy is reunited with her father and relieved people. Rather than being torn to shreds, King Gurumes is reduced to his original, far smaller and less monstrous form and granted mercy by Pansy and the villagers, who show him how delicious their apples are. After returning Pasta’s gold coin, Goku hops onto the Flying Nimbus and goes to train with Master Roshi (presumably to power-up his Kamehameha since it was so ineffective).

Final Thoughts:
I didn’t grow up watching Dragon Ball. I started my journey mid-way through the “Cell Saga” in its successor series, Dragonball Z (1989 to 1996) and my only exposure to the original series (except for the finale) are the feature films. Honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of the simpler, more fantastical Dragon Ball and much prefer the more science-fiction-oriented route of Dragonball Z, but there’s something very quaint about revisiting Goku’s early days when the stakes were much lower and the lore was much simpler. Curse of the Blood Rubies may tell a truncated version of Goku’s early adventures, but it doesn’t feel rushed; the source material has been cleverly adapted to fit the new narrative into something that largely works. I much prefer Emperor Pilaf to King Gurumes, however, who was more of a lingering threat to be deposed than a persistent enemy, but then this movie is more about establishing the bond between Goku, Bulma, Oolong, and Yamcha. There’s no time to dwell on Goku’s background or explore his fighting potential as the film just wants to get the adventure moving. Indeed, more time is spent highlighting Yamcha’s shyness and Bulma’s outrage at the perverts she’s meeting and her wish for a boyfriend. Pansy was an adorable addition to the cast who I wish had been featured more, especially as a young friend for Goku, and I liked that the characters set aside their desires to restore her land. While Bongo was largely forgettable, I enjoyed Pasta’s trigger finger and explosive personality, which made her akin to Launch (Various). Fans of Dragon Ball’s crazy fights may be left disappointed by this film as they weren’t that impressive, though it’s fun seeing Kid Goku beat up guys far bigger than him. Sadly, I feel this movie lacked the x-factor to make it truly enjoyable. It’s certainly a lot faster to watch this than the thirteen episodes of the “Emperor Pilaf Saga”, but is best enjoyed as part of a marathon with the next two movies, which feature more recognisable elements (like Krillin (Laurie Steele), the Great Ape, and the Red Ribbon Army).

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

What did you think of Dragon Ball: Curse of the Blood Rubies? Where does it rank for you against the other Dragon Ball feature films? Do you agree that King Gurumes is inferior to Emperor Pilaf or did you like his cursed predicament? Do you prefer this movie over watching the original series? What would you wish for from Shenron? What Dragon Ball character (hero, villain, or otherwise), saga, or movie is your favourite and why? How are you celebrating Dragon Ball this year? Whatever your thoughts on Dragon Ball, leave a comment below, check out my other Dragon Ball reviews, and donate to my Ko-Fi if you liked this review.

Movie Night [May the Sith]: Solo: A Star Wars Story

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While May 4th is Star Wars Day, many also celebrate the “Evil Star Wars Day” of May 6th (as in “Sith”) to extend Star Wars Day into three day celebration.

Released: 25 May 2018
Director: Ron Howard
Distributor: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

Budget: $275 to 300 million
Box Office: $393 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 69% / 63%

Quick Facts:
After buying the franchise from George Lucas, Disney set out to expand upon the Star Wars saga with a new trilogy, spin-offs, and other media. A Han Solo origin was one of the first ideas suggested, with Alden Ehrenreich taking the lead (to much unwarranted criticism), and ran into trouble early on when directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller were removed from the film. Ron Howard took over, recasting Michael K. Williams with Paul Bettany and reshooting 70% of the film, which was met with mixed reviews.

The Review:
I think it’s only fair to start by saying I didn’t care much for Disney’s “Sequel Trilogy”, mainly because I didn’t like some of the narrative choices (like rehashing the Original Trilogy at the expense of a unique and logical continuation). I much preferred Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (Edwards, 2016), which perfectly cashed in on nostalgia, though I’m still not convinced that Han Solo really needed his own spin-off/origin story, especially one that omits his most notorious rival: Boba Fett (Jeremy Bulloch/Temuera Morrison). Set ten years before Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope (Lucas, 1977), Solo sees young, wannabe pilot Han (Alden Ehrenreich) and his girlfriend Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke) struggling to survive on the spaceship-building world of Corellia. Eager to escape the thumb of Lady Proxima (Linda Hunt), who’s essentially an insectoid Fagin, and fly off to the stars, they some “coaxium” hyperfuel to bribe their way off the planet. Thanks to Han taking Lady Proxima by surprise and making a hasty retreat through the crowded streets, the two reach the dock and successfully bribe their way through, only for Qi’ra to be apprehended at the last minute. Distraught and directionless, with Lady Proxima’s goons on one side and abusive Imperial Stormtroopers on the other, Han makes a desperate gamble and enlists in the Imperial Navy, hoping to become a pilot and return to Corellia and rescue his lady love. Unfortunately, Han (dubbed Han “Solo” since he’s “all alone”) has a bit of an attitude problem, one not conducive with the Galactic Empire’s desire for obedient cannon fodder, and is kicked out of flight school for insubordination. Drafted into the infantry, Han is left in the thick of an all-out warzone on Mimban, which is where he first catches sight of slick gunfighter Tobias Beckett (Woody Harrelson).

Desperate to reunite with his lost love, young Han falls in with Beckett and runs afoul of Dryden Voss.

Drawn to Beckett’s fast trigger finger, Han quickly deduces that Beckett and his cohorts – devoted if distrustful wife Val Beckett (Thandiwe Newton) and four-armed Ardennian pilot Rio Durant (Jon Favreau) – are posing as Imperial officers looking to steal an armoured transport hauler. Disenchanted with the Empire and desperate to get back to Qi’ra, Han lobbies to join Beckett’s crew, citing his own skills as a pilot. When this fails, Han attempts to blackmail Beckett, who responds by reporting him as a deserter, resulting in Han being thrown to the Empire’s “beast”. Luckily for Han, the beast turns out to be Chewbacca (Joonas Suotamo), an enslaved Wookie the Imperials jovially watch consume their victims. Thanks to Han’s rudimentary knowledge of Shyriiwook, he and Chewie concoct a ruse to escape and frantically flag Beckett down. Impressed by Han’s determination and initiative, Beckett allows him and Chewie to assist in stealing a shipment of coaxium from a high-speed train on the snowy, mountainous world of Vandor, despite Val’s objections. Although Han and Chewie acquit themselves well on the heist and things go smoothly, with the smugglers successfully separating the train and ready to secure the payload, a mercenary group led by the infamous Enfys Nest (Erin Kellyman) interferes, despite Beckett guaranteeing that Enfys Nest wouldn’t be a problem. Rio is mortally wounded when Enfys Nest’s cohorts board the transport, Val’s forced to sacrifice herself to secure the coaxium, and Han is forced to ditch the payload to avoid meeting the same fate. Though heartbroken, Beckett’s more concerned with explaining the loss to Dryden Vos (Paul Bettany), a loquacious but malevolent crime lord who heads the feared “Crimson Dawn” crime syndicate and who hired Beckett and his crew to steal the hyperfuel. Realising his only choice is to plead for a second chance, Beckett reluctantly allows Han and Chewie to accompany him to Dryden’s elaborate yacht, warning that they’ll be caught up in the smuggler’s life forever once they board the ship.

Though not as rugged as I expected, Ehrenreich did a great job as the young, naïve Han Solo.

Ehrenreich makes for a pretty great young Solo, despite his critics. He shares many of Harrison Ford’s mannerisms while still making the role his own and is full of cock-sure optimism, confident that he can either blag, fight, or flee his way out of a situation. Though a little “rough around the edges”, Han is far from the seasoned scoundrel we meet in A New Hope, meaning he’s somewhat naïve and overly trusting, especially of Beckett and Qi’ra, who he’s stunned to find working as Dryden’s right-hand. Han is incredibly resourceful, however, smooth-talking many characters, offering solutions to keep Dryden from killing them (even if it means an insane plan to steal unrefined coaxium from the hostile world Kessel), and adopting various disguises to infiltrate different establishments. Although the story goes into (at times painstaking) detail to show how Han acquired his trademark look, blaster, and starship, and places undue emphasis on his gold dice, Han’s still a charismatic, roguish character you can’t help but root for. Unfortunately, Han’s character arc is largely the same as in A New Hope. Rather than showing Han as a rugged, selfish, free-loading smuggler who’ll backstab anyone for a profit, he’s a bleeding heart and hopeless romantic. He clings to his dream of escaping to the stars with Qi’ra, aids Chewie in freeing his Wookie brethren on Kessel, and sympathises with Enfys Nest’s plight so much that he risks the wrath of the Crimson Dawn. While he refuses to join the fledgling Rebellion and denies being a “good guy”, Qi’ra is right in her assessment of him as Han has a good heart beneath all his bravado and big talk and always tries to do the right thing, putting him somewhat at odds with the more mercenary Beckett, who isn’t above double-crossing his allies if it benefits him.  

As gorgeous as she is, I felt Qi’ra was under-utilised and undeserving of the reputation given her.

Han is joined by some interesting and well-rounded characters. Beckett examples all the negative aspects of the smuggler life that Han eventually struggles to juggle. He’s constantly living with a bounty on his head and in debt, desperate to leave it all behind and return to Glee Anselm with Val but always making new enemies. A seasoned smuggler, Beckett tries to teach Han (and, to a lesser extent, the others) how dangerous the galaxy is, emphasising the importance of having a plan and taking advantage of any opportunity, but is unwilling to stick his neck out for anyone unless it services him. Unfortunately, his crew is largely expendable. Considering how quickly they’re all killed off, I question why they were included as it might’ve saved time to have Qi’ra (on Dryden’s orders), Lando Calrissian (Donald Glover), and L3-37 (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) be Beckett’s crew just to keep the pace up. While I hate to say anything negative about the absolutely gorgeous Emilia Clarke, her arc is pretty predictable, and her physicality and demeanour do not suit the “cold-blooded assassin” vibe. Though she claims to be a master of Teräs Käsi and a highly trained warrior, Qi’ra is more of a subtle manipulator and peacemaker, using her status as Dryden’s lieutenant to get Lando on side when Han’s sabacc skills fail and using subterfuge to infiltrate Kessel. Though clearly torn between her loyalty to Dryden and her love for Han, Qi’ra ultimately sees herself as bound to her fate thanks to years of performing unknown (but allegedly unspeakable) deeds. I found the idea of Han having a true love prior to Princess Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher) I bit odd, especially as Han isn’t especially distraught by Qi’ra choosing to lead Crimson Dawn in Dryden’s place, so it’s not like he’s closed his heart off by the end. Indeed, I can’t help but think it might’ve been better to have Qi’ra tragically killed saving Han, thus hardening his heart and explaining why he’s such a scoundrel in A New Hope as Beckett and Qi’ra’s betrayals would’ve taught him harsh lessons about trust.

Lando and outspoken droid L3-37 steal the show and facilitate some of Han’s iconic moments.

Although I won’t pretend to have read every Han Solo book, it’s my understanding that Solo takes some inspiration from non-canon and canon texts starring the title character. This means we see him as an Imperial and his first meeting with Chewie, with the two quickly forming a close bond after they help each other escape and save each other’s lives on Vandor. Chewie’s said to be searching for his “tribe or family” but falls in with Han out of gratitude for him rescuing him, even returning to aid Han and escaping Kessel with the others despite reuniting with his Wookie brethren. Solo also depicts Han’s first meeting with charismatic gambler Lando Calrissian, with Donald Glover stealing the show by absolutely nailing Billy Dee Williams’ mannerisms in his portrayal of as the younger but no less charismatic rogue. Smooth talking, arrogant, and slick, Lando cheats at sabacc but is persuaded to lend them the Millennium Falcon in return for 25% 20% of the take. Lando’s joined by L3-37, another in a long line of outspoken and rebellious droids who’s said to have the best navigational system in the galaxy. Obnoxious and with an innate hatred of droid mistreatment, L3-37 showcases a sentence beyond other Star Wars droids by hinting at a sexual relationship between her and Lando and actively encouraging other droids to oppose their humanoid “masters”. L3-37 becomes so enamoured with the rebellion she sparks on Kessel that she’s summarily gunned down and tragically dies in Lando’s arms, only to live against when he and Qi’ra install her into the Millennium Falcon to complete the hazardous “Kessel Run” in less than twenty parsecs, thereby explaining why the ship is so inexplicably fast. Han, naturally, falls in love with the Millennium Falcon and relishes taking the controls and showing off by blindly plunging into the maelstrom surrounding Kessel, using nothing but gut instinct and his bravado to brave the storm and deliver the unstable, unrefined coaxium to Savareen but earning Lando’s ire in the process as he ditches the others after they reach the planet.

As menacing as Dryden Voss was, Enfys Nest and Maul seemed wasted and shoe-horned in.

Initially planned to be a half-mountain lion, half-human, Dryden Voss makes a nice change of pace from the usual pure evil Imperials, depicted as the cold, calculating, and manipulative arm of the Crimson Dawn crime syndicate. This allows Solo to depict other antagonistic forces in a galaxy all-too-often dominated by Imperials and nicely sets up future conflicts with the syndicate’s all-too-familiar dark figurehead, revealed to be former Sith, Maul (Ray Park/Sam Witwer). This revelation was confusing to me as someone who hasn’t dabbled much in extended Star Wars media and definitely felt unnecessary as I never imagined Maul as the kind of guy to run a crime syndicate. Dryden, however, was menacing presence who adopted the guise of a welcoming and even amiable figurehead only to showcase a violent temper (as indicated by his glowing eyes and facial markings), sadistic mean streak, and uncompromisingly ruthless nature. I liked how unpredictable he was and how every scene with him had me as on edge as the characters, though I would’ve liked to see Prince Xizor and the Black Sun organisation in his place as another reference to wider Star Wars canon. Initially depicted as a terrorist and a callous mercenary, Enfys Nest is revealed to be a young girl seeking to strike back against the malicious Crimson Dawn and oppose the oppressive Empire, earning Han’s sympathy (though not his allegiance) and showing how dangerous the galaxy is. However, I still would’ve preferred to see Boba Fett in her place, perhaps leading a handful of other bounty hunters as Dryden’s insurance policy, as I don’t think any reference has been made to Enfys Nest since Solo. Indeed, the film ends on a cliff-hanger and there were clearly plans for more stories to be told with the young Han that have apparently been abandoned due to the film’s poor critical and commercial performance. While I doubt the filmmakers expected this, it was still bold of them to include all these loose ends even after all the alterations and behind-the-scenes drama that plagued the film.

Final Thoughts:
I was cautiously optimistic when Solo: A Star Wars Story was first announced, expecting it to be an action-packed, science-fiction heist film much like how Rogue One was more of a war/spy thriller than a galactic epic space opera like the main series films. I remember finding it surprisingly enjoyable, despite some flaws and a few of my personal grievances with the decisions made, and I still stand by that assessment. Honestly, I was really disappointed by the negative reactions to the film, especially those that complained about it being “safe” or a “by-the-numbers science-fiction film” as I don’t see what’s wrong with that. The only issues I had were extremely minor (I could’ve done without the text at the start, for example, it’s very convenient that Qi’ra works for Dryden Voss, and the head of the syndicate probably should have been a familiar, undeveloped antagonist from the Sequel Trilogy) and I found the film to be very exciting, fast-paced (once Han gets off of Corellia). All the performances were really good, as were the set pieces. The train heist was particularly memorable, as was the famous Kessel Run, with its malevolent space storms and Lovecraftian entity, and the film hit just the right level of visual and practical nostalgia for me with its presentation and effects. I do wish this had been a more self-contained story as it seems we’ll never get a resolution to the film’s cliff-hanger ending, however, and I remain disappointed by Disney’s refusal to do anything with this cast and the loose ends left by the film. still, I think Solo remains somewhat under-rated and underappreciated as it’s a very engaging and enjoyable Star Wars romp with some fun action, some tangible chemistry between the leads, and a lot more to offer than many gave it credit for at the time.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Solo: A Star Wars Story? Do you agree that it’s under-rated or do you still think it’s one of the more disappointing Star Wars spin-offs? Were you a fan of Alden Ehrenreich as a young Han Solo and his chemistry with Emilia Clarke? Do you agree that Dryden Voss was a menacing change of pace for a Star Wars villain? Did you think the film went a bit overboard explaining unnecessary stuff about Han? How are you celebrating Star Wars this month? I’d love to see your thoughts on Solo: A Star Wars Story in the comments below so feel free to share your opinions, good or bad, and go donate to my Ko-Fi if you liked this review.

Movie Night [Alien Day]: Prometheus

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In the classic science-fiction horror Alien (Scott, 1979), an unsuspecting cargo crew investigates the barren world of LV-426. Thus, the 26 April is “Alien Day”, a day to celebrate one of the greatest sci-fi/horror franchises ever created.

Released: 8 June 2012
Director: Ridley Scott
Distributor: 20th Century Fox

Budget: $120 to 130 million
Box Office: $403.4 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 73% / 68%

Quick Facts:
Although the Alien vs. Predator movies (Various, 2004; 2007) quashed a collaboration between Ridley Scott and James Cameron, Scott was enticed back to his seminal sci-fi/horror franchise to explore the origins of his volatile Xenomorphs. The concept quickly evolved from a simple prequel to explore existential themes, employing practical effects wherever possible, with Neal Scanlan and Conor O’Sullivan designing the proto-Xenomorph creatures. Despite a somewhat mixed reception, Prometheus was followed by a 2017 sequel, though its place in the franchise canon has become notably dubious since its release.

The Review:
Set in 2093, over around one hundred years before Alien, Prometheus is full of oddities compared to its other, Xenomorph-ridden brethren. For starters, it begins on Earth, a location rarely seen or visited in these films, where archaeologists and lovers Doctor Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Doctor Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) unearth one of many ancient cave paintings depicting a tall man being worshipped by primitive humans and pointing towards a constellation in the stars. A combination of research and blind faith, especially by Shaw, sees them convince billionaire founder and chief executive officer (CEO) of Weyland Corporation Peter Weyland (Guy Pearce) to fund an expedition to the stars to find what they firmly believe to be the maker of humankind, dubbed “Engineers”. While the crew of the USCSS Prometheus are sceptical, with mentally unstable geologist Sean Fifield (Sean Harris) and cold-hearted Weyland Corp bureaucrat Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron) scoffing at their theory, the film shows that the towering, muscular Engineers (Ian Whyte and Daniel James) visit habitable worlds like Earth and seed them with their very bodies after consuming a mysterious black goo, which kick-starts the evolutionary process. Interestingly, Shaw is a deeply spiritual woman, wearing her father’s (Patrick Wilson) cross and trusting in a higher power, yet is committed to seeking out the Engineers and asking them the big questions, like “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” Rapidly dying of extreme old age, Weyland gives Shaw and Holloway carte blanche to lead the expedition, this ruffles Vickers’ feathers as she doesn’t share Weyland’s optimism and is instead intent on claiming whatever they find on behalf of the corporation (and herself). She pointedly informs Shaw and Holloway that they’re not as in charge as they think, though Vickers chooses to remain on the ship while the others investigate the faraway world of LV-223. Vickers is equally forced to defer to Prometheus Captain Janek (Idris Elba) and deal with the surreptitious nature of her synthetic “brother”, David (Michael Fassbender), who monitors the crew and maintains the ship’s functionality while they’re in cryosleep.

Shaw and Holloway’s search for humanity’s makers leads them to some horrific discoveries.

Despite Vickers’ warnings, Shaw and Holloway join the others in investigating a large, seemingly artificial structure on the toxic planet’s surface, with Shaw chastising Holloway for trusting Fifield’s readouts and removing his helmet to breathe the self-contained atmosphere within. Initially, Shaw and Holloway are ecstatic to find the structure and the ancient, biomechanical technology within, where holograms triggered by David show the Engineers to be humanoid creatures, and even more thrilled when they discover an Engineer’s dead body and a tomb-like chamber filled with mysterious, vase-like containers. However, Holloway’s excitement evaporates as Shawn and medic Ford (Kate Dickie) investigate the Engineer’s severed head and he becomes despondent to learn that they’re all apparently all dead, having strangely perished while fleeing an unseen threat. Drunk, unaware that David has infected him with a tiny sample of black goo, Holloway vents his frustrations to David and Shaw, voicing his disappointment at being unable to talk to “God” and the revelation that there’s nothing special about human life. Shaw maintains her enthusiasm, though, largely because she cannot have children and their discovery promises to reveal so much about human evolution. At first, Shaw is as far from Lieutenant Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) as you can get, being an intellectual and a scientist first and foremost. Despite this, she fearlessly ventures into the Engineer’s structure and evolves into a more pro-active character, desperately dragging Holloway back to the ship when his infection takes root, faking being sedated afterwards so she can escape David’s custody, and even enduring a horrific automated caesarean to remove the Trilobite implanted by the android’s machinations. Shaw’s also far more emotional, feeling both angry and betrayed by Weyland Corp and the Engineers after she learns the truth about both and demanding answers from humanity’s stoic makers in the final act. In contrast, Holloway is largely uncharismatic and bland, initially mirroring Shaw’s enthusiasm before falling into despair before being doomed by David, a fate Holloway somewhat brings onto himself through his blind ambition to commune with “God” and his arrogant, malicious treatment of David.

Vickers is enraged by David’s surreptitious nature and her father’s callous attitude.

Unlike his successors, David is somewhat less refined and efficient, being noticeably more machine-like in his mannerisms and movements. He spends two years studying every modern and ancient language to transcribe and communicate with the Engineers and diligently serves the crew despite Holloway and Vickers treating him as inferior. David makes every effort to fit in, dressing like the crew and even donning a space suit he doesn’t need, only to be met with disdain or hostility. While David’s presumably programmed not to have emotions, it’s also implied that he’s learned to mask them to deceive people and this is only made more relevant when he observes Shaw’s dreams and specifically targets Holloway with the black goo, indicating that he has something of an obsession with Shaw. David is mostly helpful and polite, but Vickers’ hatred of him is rooted in jealousy as Weyland saw the android as the son he never had, favouring David over his daughter, Vickers, leading her to despise the android. Vickers’ stone-faced, no-nonsense demeanour sees her mocked (in private) by most of the crew and prompts Janek to question if she’s also a robot, resulting in a rare break in her icy exterior as she orders him to sleep with her. Vickers’ efforts to remain in control, even having a self-contained lifeboat quarters, are doomed to failure by LV-223’s chaotic atmosphere and her father’s plot, which sees David surreptitiously experiment with the black goo to report back to her father, who’s in cryosleep on the Prometheus. Thanks to David’s constant updates, the decrepit old man is confident that he can demand an extension on his already well-lived life, a decision which only brings Vickers further pain as Weyland would rather barter with “God” to extend his life than willingly pass on his legacy and company to her.

Any charisma Janek has is overshadowed by the stupidity and blandness of his crew.

Despite being an exploration vessel largely crewed with scientists, the Prometheus has some dumb-ass characters onboard, namely Fifield and biologist Millburn (Rafe Spall). While Fifield’s spheres map the Engineer structure, he gets spooked and gets lost (despite having the map) alongside Millburn, whom Fifield has a contentious relationship with because one of them is a crazy, abrasive asshole and the other is a chirpy annoyance. Millburn shows his own stupidity when they decide to weather a static storm inside the chamber and are confronted by snake-like Hammerpedes. While Millburn tries to keep his wits, he insists on approaching the mutated earthworm and unsurprisingly gets his arm broken and is infected by the slithering creature. Fifield is also infected while scrambling to help Millburn, taking a splash of acid to his helmet and landing face-first in black goo, which strangely transforms him into a zombie-like creature (because a humanoid Xenomorph would’ve been too cool, I guess). Pilots Chance (Emun Elliott) and Ravel (Benedict Wong) basically do nothing except fly and land the ship and opt to stay by Janek’s side in the finale as he plots a collision course with the escaping Engineer ship, sacrificing themselves to keep the Engineer from returning to Earth. Overall, the crew is far less memorable that the “space truckers” seen in Alien, despite Idris Elba’s bizarre accent and talent with an accordion. While it makes sense that Weyland’s ship would have all the mod-cons and be much cleaner and more impressive than haulage vessels like the USCSS Nostromo, the slick, high-tech ship (with all its holograms and touchscreens and such) feels too advanced for this point in the timeline and I never felt as connected to the ship or its crew as a result since they’re not as relatable as working class schmuks.

Prometheus goes out of its way to rewrite the lore yet struggles to juggle its identity.

This leads me into perhaps the biggest thing I’ve always disliked about Prometheus: it goes out of its way to distance itself from being a direct prequel to Alien, but apparently without changing the script. The ship travels to LV-223, not LV-426 as seen in the original film, but encounters an Engineer ship exactly like the one discovered by the Nostromo and which crashes in exactly the same position as that ship. It’s honestly distracting as it feels like these elements were changed at the last minute, meaning they just had to roll with what was shot, though I suppose it wouldn’t make much sense for the Company to forget about the planet where their founder died for over 100 years. Prometheus also seems to decanonise the AVP films, for better or worse, by stating that the Engineers created human life (and, apparently, all life) and suggesting that the Xenomorphs haven’t yet been bred or aren’t as prevalent. There’s a mural in the chamber depicting a Xenomorph and the “Deacon” that emerges from an Engineer resembles an Alien, but the creature itself is otherwise absent as the film clumsily tries to lay the seeds for their origin, again awkwardly juggling being a prequel and a standalone story. Indeed, Prometheus is more concerned with existential questions about existence and evolution, faith and science, and the nature of humanity. The Engineers are revealed to have sparked human evolution, but apparently “changed their minds” about humanity over the thousands of years and were preparing to wipe us out with the black goo. We never really find out why or what the Engineers’ true purpose was. Janek suggests they were creating weapons of mass destruction on LV-223 and it can be implied that they seeded worlds to breed hosts for the black goo, but none of this is explicitly said, with Shaw simply believing humanity somehow angered their creators. An abandoned idea, however, was to have an Earth-bound Engineer be Jesus Christ, explaining their wrath against humanity.

Sadly, few of the aliens and horrific moments can match the visual impact of the Xenomorph.

Instead of Xenomorphs, Prometheus offers a handful of other aliens and horrific creatures. The Engineer ship has that same unsettling, bone-like structure as before and is a disturbing combination of H.R. Giger and ancient civilisations like the Egyptians and Mayans. The dark, moody interior is littered with Engineer corpses, one of which has exploded from the inside out, and the crew unwittingly activate the black goo by disturbing the chamber’s ecosystem, causing it to horrifically mutate earthworms into Hammerpedes. This sees Fifield transformed into a bizarre, voracious, zombie-like creature that bashes some guy’s head in and must be run down and immolated to be killed. Holloway’s transformation isn’t as gruesome but does see his eyes go black and his skin malform as the black goo courses through his veins, leading him to invite Vickers to kill him before it’s too late. Thanks to them sneaking in some sexy time, Shaw is aghast to find she’s been impregnated with a rapidly growing alien parasite, which she forcibly removes with Vickers’ medical machine and which turns out to be a cephalopod-like creature that’s somehow an even more sexually disturbing and terrifying version of the traditional Facehugger. Unlike the elephantine “Space Jockeys” seen in the Dark Horse Comics, the Engineers are physical specimens and highly advanced, developing incredible technology and regularly kick-starting life on other worlds. Physically imposing and with science way beyond ours, they seemingly embody a physical and mental perfection far beyond humanity but are implied to have either become bored with humanity or to have always planned our extermination in the name of biological warfare. Despite their stature, David seemingly takes some pleasure in observing that the Engineers are as “mortal” as their creations and they were ultimately undone when one of their experiments somehow escaped and killed them (though we never see how this happened). Rather than being visually terrifying, it’s the implication of the Engineers which rattles most of the crew as they deconstruct religious and scientific ideas about humankind, though Shaw maintains her faith in a higher power as someone obviously made the Engineers.

Shaw heads to a doomed future with David to confront the malevolent Engineers.

After extracting the Trilobite, the grievously injured Shaw discovers Weyland was on the ship all along and, despite being betrayed and manipulated by him and David, agrees to accompany him to confront the remaining Engineer, desperate to understand why they turned on humanity. Unfortunately, neither she or Weyland get any answers as the hulking brute barely acknowledges them and opts to rip David’s head off rather than answer Weyland’s desperate plea for more life. The Engineer then bashes Weyland with David’s severed head, unceremoniously killing him and making Weyland’s plea to the Gods as futile as David’s efforts to earn the respect of his organic peers. The Engineer then resumes its mission to unleash black goo on Earth and cull humankind. However, thanks to Janek, Chance, and Revel’s sacrifice, the Engineer’s ship is downed as it takes off, with Vickers crushed when it rolls to a stop and Shaw left exploring her badly damaged lifeboat, where the enlarged Trilobite latches onto the Engineer in a disturbingly sexual manner. Distraught and at her wit’s end, Shaw faces a slow and painful death from her dwindling oxygen supply when David’s severed head contacts her. Despite being wary of him, Shaw is convinced to return to the Engineer ship and recover the dismembered android as David reveals that there are more alien ships on LV-233 and that he can pilot them. However, upon reaching David’s head, Shaw states her desire to go further, to the Engineer’s home world, to demand answers from her makers and David agrees, despite knowing that Shaw will never get the answers or the closure she’s seeking. As they fly off to a fate that leaves one of them doomed and the other destined to upset the universe’s food chain, the dead Engineer violently bursts open and “births” the Deacon, a pseudo-Xenomorph that was sadly never seen again and whose fate remains a mystery.

Final Thoughts:
I remember being very impressed when I first saw Prometheus, seeing it as a return to the more atmospheric sci-fi horror of the 1970s and appreciating that it took its time and raised interesting questions about faith, evolution, and the origin of the Xenomorphs. Over time, however, my opinion has soured as I grew more and more resentful of it not being a more straightforward prequel, especially as all the elements are in place for that but were seemingly changed at the last minute. That aside, this isn’t an especially impressive film and feels ridiculously disconnected from Alien thanks to the overly elaborate technology and the largely bland and unrelatable characters. Janek’s the only one who evokes the down-to-earth vibe of the Nostromo crew as everyone else is either stupid, insufferable, bland, or just inferior. Shaw, especially, did little for me despite her impressive resolve and the others were too forgettable or idiotic to talk about. David was the obvious standout and exuded an unsettlingly menace in his subtle mannerisms and thinly veiled dialogue, to say nothing of him clearly being resentful towards his creatures. Guy Pearce was laughable under all that make-up and made me wish they’d just brought Lance Henriksen back to the role, though I did like the bitter narrative regarding the search for answers. While the film looks great and has some disturbing moments, none of the creatures had the same visceral impact as the Xenomorph and the attempt at an origin fell flat as the narrative felt muddled since it doesn’t know if it wants to be a prequel, a standalone, or something else. Even now, I rarely revisit this one as it’s pretty tedious to get through and has few saving graces. I appreciate that Prometheus tries to be somewhat vague about the Engineers and the Xenomorphs, but it just doesn’t gel very well with the story that’s being told and feels like all its potential was sucked out the airlock by a pretentious, confused script. In the grand scheme of the Alien franchise, Prometheus is easily forgotten, and I can’t say my opinions have changed for the better since its release.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Did you enjoy Prometheus and, if so, why? Were you also disappointed that it wasn’t a straight-up prequel or did you like that it tried to do something more? What did you think to Shaw and her search for answers? Is David your favourite synthetic character? Why you you think the Engineers wanted to destroy humanity? Which of the Alien movies is your favourite and why, and how are you celebrating Alien Day today? Whatever your thoughts, eave them below and support me on Ko-Fi for more Alien reviews.