The Review: I’ve said for years that the Predator franchise is severely misused in cinema. There is so much potential with where you can place the Yautja, how you can change up their technology and settings, from dropping them in the Old West to exploring other alien worlds. Thankfully, Dan Trachtenberg seems to fully understand this as his efforts have done a masterful job of expanding upon Yautja society and showcasing the alien hunters in new locations. Predator: Badlands finally gives a better look at their home world, Yautja Prime, which is noticeably different from the glimpse we got in AVPR: Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (The Brothers Strause, 2007). In a barren, rocky, but no less dangerous sector of the planet, “unblooded” Dek (Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi) matches himself against his bigger, older brother, Kwei (Mike Homik/Stefan Grube), in hopes of earning his cloak. Fuelled by rage and with a chip on his shoulder, Dek fights furiously with a plasma sword and shoulder-mounted grapnel, having not yet earned his plasma cannon or blades, but fails to best his brother, who’s not only bigger and stronger but also far more experienced at using the environment to his advantage. Considered the “runt” of their clan and the embarrassment of their decorated father, Njohrr (Reuben De Jong/Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi), Dek is desperate to prove himself as worthy as his brother and thus eagerly demands to head to Genna, a hostile world home to the dreaded Kalisk, an unkillable apex predator even Njohrr fears. Enraged that Kwei protected his brother rather than cull him, Njohrr summarily executes Kwei as a helpless Dek watches on, furious at the loss and remotely transported to Genna with his brother’s last breath.
Ruby hunter Drek must team with a damaged android to find his prey.
Though he hasn’t earned the iconic Yautja gear, Dek still crash lands with an assortment of weapons that he promptly loses when Genna’s forest attacks him. Left with only his plasma sword and a glaive, Dek continues through the hazardous world on the trail of the Kalisk, only to stumble into a field of explosive plants that threaten to leave him helpless against a gigantic, winged lizard. Luckily for Dek, Thia (Elle Fanning), a dismembered Weyland-Yutani Corporation synthetic who speaks Yautja, is nearby to convince the stubborn, prideful Dek to accept her help. After being torn in two by the Kalisk, her entire synthetic crew destroyed by the beast, and separated from her “sister”, Tessa (Elle Fanning), Thia offers to guide Dek to the Kalisk to reunite with her sister (and her legs) and get Dek his trophy. Though reluctant to accept help, and annoyed by Thia’s chatty nature, Dek agrees, viewing her as a “tool” to assist him, and lugs her around, encountering more of Genna’s dangers such as razor-sharp grass, acid-spitting worms, and exploding slugs. Dek’s forced to take on another straggler when the armour-plated, goblin-like “Bud” (Rohinal Nayaran) helps him bring down a Bone Bison amidst the razor grass, being branded by the creature but hesitant to accept her, or Thia, as he’s been rejected by his people and determined to claim his prize alone, as per Yautja creed. Still, Dek reluctantly shares some of his past and motivations with the inquisitive Thia, betraying his grief for his brother and inspiring him to be a protector rather than an apex predator. The relationship between Dek and Thia is a highlight, with the Predator showcasing a sarcastic sense of humour. Still, he’s blinded by his determination, learning the hard way that the Kalisk has an uncanny healing factor that makes it virtually unbeatable. Dek also abandons Bud since he has no use for him, yet rages when Thia alerts the Company to their location so she can reunite with Tessa.
The hostile environment is made worse by Tessa and the Company’s synthetics.
After being critically damaged by the Kalisk, Tessa is repaired and reprimanded by MU/TH/UR (Alison Wright), learning that her compassion for her sister led to their failure to capture the Kalisk and exploit its incredibly regenerative powers. Driven by this prime directive, Tessa has a far less empathy than her sister and is noticeably more cold-hearted, stealing Dek’s weapons to combat the environment and using Yautja freeze grenades to capture the Kalisk and the Predator. Thia’s joy at being reunited with her sibling quickly dissipates when she witnesses Tessa’s callous treatment of Dek and her, with Thia ordered to be deactivated and Tessa having the other synthetics (Cameron Brown) transport their quarry off-world. Thanks to Thia’s intervention, Dek is freed and re-evaluates his priorities, cobbling together makeshift “weaponry” and armour from the planet’s ecosystem and inhabitants. He feeds some of the acid worms to use them as substitute plasma blasters, uses the slugs as explosives, protects himself in Bone Bison hide, and even uses Thia’s dismembered legs to distract the synths. Finally recognising Thia and Bud as allies, Dek storms the Weyland-Yutani base, gloriously slaughtering the synthetics without a drop of red blood. He also showcases his growth into a protector as he becomes determined to rescue to Kalisk after realising it’s Bud’s mother and spared his life thanks to Bud marking him with her scent. He might be a runt and lack the regular Yautja weaponry, but Dek is still a capable and impressive hunter. He’s stubborn and determined to prove himself, but far from naïve and has clearly tested himself in the past. As the lead, he showcases more emotion and personality than previous Predators, revealing more about their culture and their code of honour and initially reluctant to work with others. He’s highly adaptable and refuses to quit, utilising the environment that’s tried so hard to kill him to rescue his makeshift clan and tearing through the synthetics despite being outnumbered and outgunned.
Dek forms an unlikely clan to claim his honour.
I was surprised by how big a role Weyland-Yutani played in Predator: Badlands. I assumed Thia would be the only link to the Company, but Weyland-Yutani are all over Genna, their synthetics act as cannon fodder for Dek, and Tessa is positioned as a heartless antagonist. It’s difficult to place where the film fits in the combined Alien and Predator timeline but I liked that the Company is aware of the Yautja, to the point where Thia can speak their language, and that the film finally brought both franchises together again. Despite the size, ferocity, and reputation of the Kalisk, Dek faces it without fear, ready to die with honour but eager to succeed where others (and his father) failed. Unfortunately, he fails to heed Thia’s warnings and underestimates the voracious beast, just as he underestimates Tessa’s capabilities as she attacks him in a massive power loader equipped with buzzsaws, mechanical fists, and Dek’s plasma cannon. Thanks to Thia and Bud, Dek holds Tessa off long enough to disable the power loader with one of his freeze grenades, leaving her as food for the Kalisk, which Dek affectionately bonds with moments before Thia freezes and explodes it from the inside out! Disgusted by Thia’s emotions, Tessa moves to execute her with the plasma cannon, rejecting their familial bond, only to be skewered by Dek, her head claimed as a trophy that Dek and his newfound clan return to Yautja Prime sometime later. Dek demands that Njohrr gift his cloak as a reward and clashes with his father when he continues to dismiss him for his smaller stature, leading Dek to attack. Though still outmatched by Njohrr, Dek’s experiences allow him to disarm his father and restrain him with a plasma trap, just as he did Kwei, driving the humbled Njohrr to finally acknowledge Dek’s strengths and offer him a place with the clan. Dek refuses, however, having already found his people, leaving the grown-up Bud to devour his father’s head and claiming his cloak, only for Dek and his allies to face the looming threat of his mother (though it would’ve been fun to have the three hunted by the Grendel King (Britton Watkins)).
The Summary: After years of uncertainty or questionable absences from cinema screens, it’s wonderful to see the Predator franchise going through this newfound resurgence. I find it amazing that we’ve reached a point where a Yautja can be cast as the lead in one of these movies and for it to still be an enjoyable and surprisingly complex experience. While I still find Dex’s ponytail look a bit unflattering for a Predator, I really enjoyed the further insight into Yautja culture and language. It was a nice change of pace to focus on a young, inexperienced, and outcast hunter who is compelled to prove himself, especially as this gave Dek an engaging narrative arc where he learns there’s more to life than the strict Yautja code. Dek faces an uphill battle no matter where he is as even his own people turn against him, to say nothing of Genna’s hostile inhabitants and flora, which Dek wisely utilises to his advantage in the finale. Dek’s relationship with Thia was a highlight of the film, with her constantly needling him and in many ways mirroring him, especially in her relationship with Tessa, who becomes almost a mirror of Dek as the film goes on. Predator: Badlands looks incredible and smartly splashes only alien and synthetic blood, allowing for some gruesome kills that don’t detract from the film’s mainstream appeal, and I was super excited to officially get back on the road towards a more faithful Aliens vs. Predator film. I always enjoy seeing new sides to the Predator and fleshing out their species, and seeing different variations of the hunters in actions, and Predator: Badlands easily stands as one of the best and most engaging entries in the series.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Great Stuff
Did you enjoy Predator: Badlands? What did you think to the relationship between Dek and Thia? Did you like the idea of following a Yautja runt or did the subtitles bother you? Were you surprised by how big a role Weyland-Yutani played? Where do you see Dek and his clan going next? What time periods or settings would you like to see the Predator placed in? How are you celebrating the franchise today? Whatever you thought about Predator: Badlands, comment below and then donate to my Ko-Fi if you liked this review.
Released: 30 May 2014 Director: Seth MacFarlane Distributor: Universal Pictures
Budget: $40 million Box Office: $87.2 million Rotten Tomatoes Scores:33% / 41%
Quick Facts: Seth MacFarlane and co-writers Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild conceived of this Western comedy while watching Hang ’Em High (Post, 1968) and musing about how dangerous the Wild West was. McFarlane’s second foray into live-action directing saw Charlize Theron jump at the chance to be in a comedy and gave Liam Neeson (who was born on this day in 1952) a rare opportunity to use his natural Irish accent, though the film’s critical response was largelymixed.
The Review: It’s only fair to begin by saying I’ve never been a huge fan of Westerns. I don’t like to say it because it applies to so many genres, but they really are one of the most predictable types of movies. There’s always a dusty town in the middle of nowhere with little to no law, a bar, probably a square dance, and a shoot out or two, and usually a gruff loner or gunslinger to boot. In A Million Ways to Die in the West, our dusty town is Old Stump, Arizona, an unremarkable location in the grand scheme of things and yet no less dangerous. As pointed out by timid sheep farmer Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane), 1882 is a bad time to be alive. There are literally a million ways to meet your end in the Old West, from diseases like cholera and dysentery, to wild animals like wolves, coyotes, and rattlesnakes, to bandits, enraged “Indians”, bar fights, and even visiting the doctor. As related by our unseen narrator (Rex Linn), Albert was born in the wrong era. While everyone else in town barely blinks an eye at the sight of the mayor laying dead in the street or a worker being smushed into red paste while unloading a block of ice, or Pastor Wilson (John Aylward) gunning down a man and his son, Albert is mortified by the constant threat of danger. A distinctly twentieth century soul who makes anachronistic allusions, Albert desperately tries to make people see how disgusting, hazardous, and awful life is in the Old West and is generally laughed off, even by his good friend Edward (Giovanni Ribisi), who simply shrugs off their ludicrous situation. Armed with this metatextual awareness, Albert does everything he can to stay safe and out of trouble, talking his way out of gunfights by promising to pay off those he’s inadvertently wronged and meekly burying his head in the sand and despair at his lot in life.
Heartbroken, aggrieved sheep farmer Albert finds a kindred soul in Anna, who boosts his confidence.
As Albert would rather avoid confrontation and danger whenever possible, his meek character is met with apathy and dismissal by his long-term girlfriend, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who callously dumps him for being “yellow” and leaves him distraught as she was the only good thing in his life. Faced with a lifetime of misery as a near useless sheep farmer cursed with a flock of unruly and incompetent sheep, Albert drowns his sorrows with Edward and frequently rages at the state of the world, even contemplating suicide since he hates the Old West so much. While Edward tries to lift his friend’s spirits, he’s faced with his own dilemma as he tries to stay a devout Christian while clumsily desiring his prostitute girlfriend, Ruth (Sarah Silverman), who is amusingly happy to perform unspeakable sex acts with her patrons but hesitates to have pre-marital sex as she’s very beholden to her religious beliefs. Though stuck in a quagmire of self-loathing, Albert can’t help but help newcomer Anna Barnes-Leatherwood (Charlize Theron) during a bar fight started by her “brother”, Lewis (Evan Jones). Out of gratitude, Anna offers Albert a sympathetic ear and they quickly become friends, with her questioning his heartache over Louise, a flaky and shallow beauty who hooks up with well-to-do moustache connoisseur Foy (Neil Patrick Harris) since he’s so conceited, arrogant, and rich that she can have everything she wanted. Initially, Anna happily poses as Albert’s new girlfriend, helping him to make Louise jealous and get one up on Foy, a wealthy businessman with great social stature who constantly mocks Albert out of smug superiority. Emboldened by Anna’s support, Albert surprises himself by challenging Foy to a duel and, after seeing how awful his marksmanship skills are, Anna offers to help him since she’s a crack shot with a six-shooter. In the process, Albert finds a kindred spirit as Anna also recognises the absurdity of the Old West, where even something as simple as the county fair is fraught with death and danger.
Abused by her outlaw husband, Anna is smitten by Albert’s kindness and down-to-earth attitude.
While Albert is understandably smitten by Anna thanks to her kindness and companionship, eventually kissing her after a barn dance and in her debt after she slips Foy a laxative that humiliates him with a bout of public diarrhoea, he’s sadly unaware of her true background. Arriving in town with Lewis and standing out for her beauty and rationality, Anna is actually the abused wife of infamous outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), a quietly psychotic gunslinger who orders Anna to wait in Old Stump while he and his men pull off another job. After a lifetime of Clinch’s abuse and violence, Anna is relieved to be amongst normal people and appreciates Albert in a way Louise never could, seeing him as a kind-hearted soul beaten into self-loathing by a dangerous world and the people around him. Somewhat unaccustomed to social norms, Anna struggles to acclimatise to formal functions and is much happier knocking back shots or blasting bottles with her keen eye. Sharing many of Albert’s observations on the Old West, Anna gets swept up in what he sees as his boring, humdrum, everyday life but to her is a welcome reprieve from Clinch’s brutality. Albert is devastated when Clinch arrives, having been alerted to his wife’s infidelity by Lewis, and is ready to pack up and leave after the betrayal. Although Anna tries to explain and protect him, she’s forced to reveal Albert’s name to Clinch to protect her adopted dog, Plugger (Unknown). However, realising she loves Albert, Anna fends Clinch off when he tries to rape her and Albert, returning her feelings, cannot help but shield her when Clinch comes looking for her, leading Albert to race into the desert where he’s aided by Apaches led by Chief Cochise (Wes Studi), who subject Albert to a drug-induced mind fuck that sees him gather his resolve to meet Clinch’s challenge to a duel.
While Clinch is sadly absent, Foy makes for an amusing and snarky rival for Albert.
A notorious and widely feared outlaw, Clinch isn’t a man to be trifled with. While he routinely snaps at and belittles his wife, exerting his physical dominance and barking orders, he’s also extremely possessive of Anna and thinks nothing of gunning down a random bystander (Ryan Reynolds) when he hears she’s been unfaithful or an elderly prospector (Matt Clark) just to prove a point. Though she hates her husband, Anna is terrified of his wrath and desperately tries to shield Albert from him, to the point where she’s reduced to being a hostage to force Albert into a duel. Although Anna helps improve Albert’s shooting skills, he knows he’s no match for Clinch and instead choose to fight smarter, using the knowledge that Clinch will fire on “two” to wound the outlaw with a grazing shot laced with snake venom. Thus, Albert uses his dislike of the hazardous Old West to his advantage and, while Clinch dies without hearing Albert’s plan, it’s enough to impress the town, and Louise, who Albert happily snubs in favour of Anna. While Liam Neeson oozes quiet menace as Clinch, he’s sadly absent for most of the film and even Lewis is a minor antagonist, at best. Thus, Albert largely clashes with Foy, played with expert comedic charisma by Neil Patrick Harris. An egotistical blowhard who is especially proud of his beautiful moustache, Foy sees Albert as inferior in every way and relishes the chance to rub his wealth and social stature in his rival’s face, happy to shoot Albert to cement his claim to Louise. Since he can’t hope to afford the products required for a moustache and is awful at dancing, Albert’s overwhelmed and pushed to his limit after Foy leads a scathing dance number in the film’s most amusing moment. Sadly, Albert and Foy’s rivalry ends in little more than toilet humour when Anna induces explosive diarrhoea in him, which was a bit disappointing considering their bickering had been so amusing prior to that.
The film’s comedy is at its best when it’s criticising the genre and focusing on Albert and Foy’s rivalry.
I always find reviewing comedies tough as it’s difficult to relate what makes something funny and how the jokes work. A Million Ways to Die in the West bases much of its humour around the absurdity of the Old West, a time when just going to the outhouse could be fatal, when doctors prescribe potential lethal remedies, and when stampeding bulls can gore through the annual fair. Albert comments upon all of this, and more, with an alarmed and disgusted manner, raging at how violent and dangerous the Old West is and begging those around him to admit that life is unreasonably hard, only to be met with apathy. Seth MacFarlane delivers this comedy with his trademark deadpan, metatextual delivery as Albert casually talks about horrendous diseases and events as being part of everyday life. Albert is an awkward and timid soul who’s initially unsure of himself and desperate to avoid conflict, so he rambles to get out of gunfights and stages a playfight during a barroom brawl to avoid injury. While Clinch doesn’t give Neeson much of a chance to flex his comedic chops, his growling delivery and surly nature make him the perfect comedic foil when Anna blasts him with a rock and sticks a flower into his ass crack. The film excels when focusing on the rivalry between Albert and Foy, however, with the two trading insults at a rapid and witty pace, or when demonstrating how hazardous the Old West can be as a single gunshot is enough to incite a brawl and you never know when some stranger (Jamie Foxx) is going to show up to gun you down for your racist shooting gallery. While the comedy lands most of the time, the film wasn’t as funny as McFarlane’s animated efforts, lacking his signature cut-away gags and over the top violence. There are still some amusing bits, though, like the running gag about Albert’s sheep being on his roof and Ruth’s questionable sexual activity, the hilarious moustache song, and Albert’s bizarre mind trip courtesy of Chief Cochise.
Final Thoughts: I feel like A Million Ways to Die in the West is largely overlooked, especially compared to Seth McFarlane’s other works, and that is a bit of a shame as there’s a lot to like here. Albert Stark was an amusing character and a fun underdog to get behind. Since I’m not a fan of Westerns, I really enjoyed him commentating on and criticising the Old West and the ludicrous depiction of how dangerous life on the frontier could be. I felt he and Anna had great chemistry as kindred spirits, with her bolstering his self-esteem and him showing her the affection and respect she so lacked in her marriage. While Liam Neeson commanded the screen every time he appeared, Clinch was sadly far too absent for my liking. It worked to paint him up as a near-mythical, feared figure but I can’t help but wonder if the film might’ve been better if Clinch had set himself up as the town mayor or something. Thankfully, Foy is on hand to make a great rival for Albert, being a slimy, arrogant snob who delights in belittling Albert and gets off on his wealth and social status. The bickering between Albert and Foy was a highlight of the movie and again something that might’ve been better to focus on as the film loses some momentum after Foy shits himself in the street. I can see why many would dismiss and forget this film as it’s not as memorable as McFarlane’s animated shows or other filmic ventures and a lot of the comedy doesn’t land unless, perhaps, you’re a fan of seeing the genre be picked apart. Even some fun cameos by the likes of Christopher Lloyd don’t help bolster A Million Ways to Die in the West, which remains a somewhat amusing venture that sadly isn’t as gut-burstingly hilarious as it might like to be.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Are you a fan of A Million Ways to Die in the West? Are you a fan of Westerns and, if so, did you like seeing the genre mocked? Did you enjoy Albert’s outbursts about how dangerous and ridiculous the Old West was? Do you agree that Clinch should’ve featured more prominently? Did you also enjoy the rivalry between Foy and Albert? Do you have a moustache? How are you celebrating Liam Neeson’s birthday today? Leave a like and comment below with your feedback and donate to my Ko-Fi to support the site.
When the Great Demon King Piccolo was released, he declared May 9th “Piccolo Day” and promptly claimed ownership of the planet, giving us as a good excuse to celebrate all things Dragon Ball today.
The Review: Dragon Ball’s first feature-length anime starts a trend that would somewhat dog the feature-length adventures for decades in that it’s a very loose retelling of the first story arc of the series, the “Emperor Pilaf Saga”, rather than being part of the main series canon. The diminutive Emperor Pilaf (Chuck Huber) is sadly missing, substituted for the more grotesque and greedy King Gurumes (Jeremy Inman), who has recently undergone a dramatic and monstrous change of appearance and personality after discovering the Blood Rubies buried in his kingdom. The cursed gemstones turn King Gurumes into a rotund, toad-like creature and leave him perpetually hungry no matter how much he eats. Angered and dismayed, King Gurumes sends his troops – led by trigger happy Pasta (Kate Oxley) and the muscular Bongo (Jonathan Brooks) – to find the legendary Dragon Balls, seven magical balls that summon the eternal dragon, Shenron (Christopher Sabat), who then grants a single wish before the balls scatter. As King Gurumes desires to wish away his never-ending hunger, he thinks nothing of ordering his forces to uproot villages searching for the balls, ruining the lives of farmers like young Pansy (Cherami Leigh) and her father (Brian Mathis), who takes a beating for daring to stand up to Bongo. King Gurumes soon acquires and eats four Dragon Balls (which probably exacerbates his condition), before ordering Pansy to disregard the threat of “fortune hunters” seeking the final two balls and complete her mission so he can finally feel full.
Reclusive super kid Goku teams with Bulma and some vagabonds to quest for the mystical Dragon Balls.
Bulma (Monica Rial) is one such fortune hunter. The scientific genius heir of the Capsule Corporation, Bulma is here a young girl with a few gadgets hoping to wish for a boyfriend. Bulma follows her homemade Dragon Radar to the wilderness of Mount Paozu and literally bumps into sheltered, monkey-tailed Goku, a naïve boy with superhuman strength and an extendable power pole who’s never seen a girl and thinks technology like planes and motorcycles are giant birds and monsters. Living alone ever since the offscreen death of his Grampa Gohan, Goku is initially wary of Bulma since she doesn’t look like any human he’s ever seen and opts to shoot him after being startled by him! Luckily, Goku’s bulletproof and inherently kind-hearted, so he takes Bulma to see the four-star Dragon Ball left to him by his grampa, only to find it replaced by a Gurumes-branded coin as Pasta and Bongo have already stolen it. To retrieve his family heirloom, Goku joins Bulma, saving her life after Pasta blows up her craft and eagerly meeting any threats along the way. A curious boy with an insatiable appetite and incredible fighting prowess, Goku is largely an enigma here; there’s no insight into his background and no one seems to think it’s weird that he has a tail. He easily recovers from any attack and defeats foes twice his size and showcases his superhuman aptitude for fighting when the rag-tag group visits the reclusive Master Roshi (Mike McFarland) for help and Goku masters the old man’s patented Kamehameha, a chi-blast technique it took Master Roshi fifty years to learn! Goku also demonstrates his pure heart by riding Master Roshi’s Flying Nimbus and is the only one with no interest in asking Shenron to grant a wish. Goku also doesn’t hesitate to defend Pansy when the shape-shifting Oolong (Bryan Massey) assumes a demonic form and seems almost bored when the group is threatened by Yamcha (Christopher Sabat), a desert bandit looking to rob them.
Perverts and bandits stand between these unlikely heroes and their heart’s desires.
Curse of the Blood Rubies speeds through many of Goku’s early adventures to service its unique plot, with Goku and Bulma meeting Oolong as he surprises Panasy in the woods and then immediately being targeted by Yamcha and his shape-changing cat friend, Puar (Brina Palencia), who Goku promptly humiliates. After hearing of Pansy’s plight, Oolong falls in with Goku and Bulma in hopes of wishing for some girly underwear and the three journey to a small island to ask the legendary Master Roshi for help. Though Yamcha beats them there and tries to fool Master Roshi into thinking the group are looking to steal his shell, the bandit’s deception is quickly revealed and this, coupled with his crippling shyness around women, forces him to flee. Indeed, Puar is amazed to learn that her “master” doesn’t want to wish for riches or power but instead wants to wish away his shyness so he can fall in love, get married, or at least go on a few dates! Master Roshi is revealed to be a dirty old pervert and only agrees to part with his Dragon Ball if Bulma shows her boobs. While Bulma agrees, she secretly has Oolong imitate her but is enraged when Oolong takes liberties with her goods and at how pleased Master Roshi is at seeing her tits. Unfortunately, these shenanigans allow Pasta and Bongo to launch a surprise attack from a submarine and steal one of the Dragon Balls, though Master Roshi is so impressed by Goku’s natural aptitude for fighting that he politely declines to join their quest as he believes Pansy has all the help she needs. Thus, Master Roshi is more of a cameo rather than Goku’s teacher, there to give us some amusingly perverted moments and teach Goku his famous energy blast (which amusingly fails to make a dent in the monstrous King Gurumes).
Unsurprisingly, the corrupted King Gurumesand his minions are easily bested to restore the land.
During their assault on King Gurumes’ opulent palace, Bulma, Oolong, and Pansy are shot down and Goku fights Bongo, easily destroying the brute’s hovercraft even in mid-air. The group are joined by Yamcha, though he’s left dazed and paralyzed when tangling with Pasta as he accidentally grabs her boob. Pasta tosses pipe bombs at the fleeing trio, and everyone ends up in King Gurumes’ throne room, where the grotesque monarch is fully revealed for the first time. Unable to contain his great hunger, he spontaneously grows to gigantic size and tramples his henchman in his desperate desire for the final Dragon Ball. Although Goku holds the giant back, the Kamehameha has no effect, leaving Bulma to defeat the corrupted king by willingly tossing the final Dragon Ball into his gaping maw and summoning Shenron. Although Bulma, Oolong, and Yamcha all vie to make the coveted wish, they defer to Pansy, who begs Shenron to restore her land. With a flash of his eyes, the eternal dragon grants the wish and disappears, leaving Goku determined to hunt down his grandfather’s trinket once more. Bulma and Yamcha’s despair at being denied the chance at happiness evaporates when they realise they share a common interest in wanting to be with someone and therefore find a natural solution to their wish, while Pansy is reunited with her father and relieved people. Rather than being torn to shreds, King Gurumes is reduced to his original, far smaller and less monstrous form and granted mercy by Pansy and the villagers, who show him how delicious their apples are. After returning Pasta’s gold coin, Goku hops onto the Flying Nimbus and goes to train with Master Roshi (presumably to power-up his Kamehameha since it was so ineffective).
Final Thoughts: I didn’t grow up watching Dragon Ball. I started my journey mid-way through the “Cell Saga” in its successor series, Dragonball Z (1989 to 1996) and my only exposure to the original series (except for the finale) are the feature films. Honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of the simpler, more fantastical Dragon Ball and much prefer the more science-fiction-oriented route of Dragonball Z, but there’s something very quaint about revisiting Goku’s early days when the stakes were much lower and the lore was much simpler. Curse of the Blood Rubies may tell a truncated version of Goku’s early adventures, but it doesn’t feel rushed; the source material has been cleverly adapted to fit the new narrative into something that largely works. I much prefer Emperor Pilaf to King Gurumes, however, who was more of a lingering threat to be deposed than a persistent enemy, but then this movie is more about establishing the bond between Goku, Bulma, Oolong, and Yamcha. There’s no time to dwell on Goku’s background or explore his fighting potential as the film just wants to get the adventure moving. Indeed, more time is spent highlighting Yamcha’s shyness and Bulma’s outrage at the perverts she’s meeting and her wish for a boyfriend. Pansy was an adorable addition to the cast who I wish had been featured more, especially as a young friend for Goku, and I liked that the characters set aside their desires to restore her land. While Bongo was largely forgettable, I enjoyed Pasta’s trigger finger and explosive personality, which made her akin to Launch (Various). Fans of Dragon Ball’s crazy fights may be left disappointed by this film as they weren’t that impressive, though it’s fun seeing Kid Goku beat up guys far bigger than him. Sadly, I feel this movie lacked the x-factor to make it truly enjoyable. It’s certainly a lot faster to watch this than the thirteen episodes of the “Emperor Pilaf Saga”, but is best enjoyed as part of a marathon with the next two movies, which feature more recognisable elements (like Krillin (Laurie Steele), the Great Ape, and the Red Ribbon Army).
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
What did you think of Dragon Ball: Curse of the Blood Rubies? Where does it rank for you against the other Dragon Ball feature films? Do you agree that King Gurumes is inferior to Emperor Pilaf or did you like his cursed predicament? Do you prefer this movie over watching the original series? What would you wish for from Shenron? What Dragon Ball character (hero, villain, or otherwise), saga, or movie is your favourite and why? How are you celebrating Dragon Ball this year? Whatever your thoughts on Dragon Ball, leave a comment below, check out my other Dragon Ball reviews, and donate to my Ko-Fi if you liked this review.
While May 4th is Star Wars Day, many also celebrate the “Evil Star Wars Day” of May 6th (as in “Sith”) to extend Star Wars Day into three day celebration.
Released: 25 May 2018 Director: Ron Howard Distributor: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
The Review: I think it’s only fair to start by saying I didn’t care much for Disney’s “Sequel Trilogy”, mainly because I didn’t like some of the narrative choices (like rehashing the Original Trilogy at the expense of a unique and logical continuation). I much preferred Rogue One: A Star Wars Story(Edwards, 2016), which perfectly cashed in on nostalgia, though I’m still not convinced that Han Solo really needed his own spin-off/origin story, especially one that omits his most notorious rival: Boba Fett (Jeremy Bulloch/Temuera Morrison). Set ten years before Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope(Lucas, 1977), Solo sees young, wannabe pilot Han (Alden Ehrenreich) and his girlfriend Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke) struggling to survive on the spaceship-building world of Corellia. Eager to escape the thumb of Lady Proxima (Linda Hunt), who’s essentially an insectoid Fagin, and fly off to the stars, they some “coaxium” hyperfuel to bribe their way off the planet. Thanks to Han taking Lady Proxima by surprise and making a hasty retreat through the crowded streets, the two reach the dock and successfully bribe their way through, only for Qi’ra to be apprehended at the last minute. Distraught and directionless, with Lady Proxima’s goons on one side and abusive Imperial Stormtroopers on the other, Han makes a desperate gamble and enlists in the Imperial Navy, hoping to become a pilot and return to Corellia and rescue his lady love. Unfortunately, Han (dubbed Han “Solo” since he’s “all alone”) has a bit of an attitude problem, one not conducive with the Galactic Empire’s desire for obedient cannon fodder, and is kicked out of flight school for insubordination. Drafted into the infantry, Han is left in the thick of an all-out warzone on Mimban, which is where he first catches sight of slick gunfighter Tobias Beckett (Woody Harrelson).
Desperate to reunite with his lost love, young Han falls in with Beckett and runs afoul of Dryden Voss.
Drawn to Beckett’s fast trigger finger, Han quickly deduces that Beckett and his cohorts – devoted if distrustful wife Val Beckett (Thandiwe Newton) and four-armed Ardennian pilot Rio Durant (Jon Favreau) – are posing as Imperial officers looking to steal an armoured transport hauler. Disenchanted with the Empire and desperate to get back to Qi’ra, Han lobbies to join Beckett’s crew, citing his own skills as a pilot. When this fails, Han attempts to blackmail Beckett, who responds by reporting him as a deserter, resulting in Han being thrown to the Empire’s “beast”. Luckily for Han, the beast turns out to be Chewbacca (Joonas Suotamo), an enslaved Wookie the Imperials jovially watch consume their victims. Thanks to Han’s rudimentary knowledge of Shyriiwook, he and Chewie concoct a ruse to escape and frantically flag Beckett down. Impressed by Han’s determination and initiative, Beckett allows him and Chewie to assist in stealing a shipment of coaxium from a high-speed train on the snowy, mountainous world of Vandor, despite Val’s objections. Although Han and Chewie acquit themselves well on the heist and things go smoothly, with the smugglers successfully separating the train and ready to secure the payload, a mercenary group led by the infamous Enfys Nest (Erin Kellyman) interferes, despite Beckett guaranteeing that Enfys Nest wouldn’t be a problem. Rio is mortally wounded when Enfys Nest’s cohorts board the transport, Val’s forced to sacrifice herself to secure the coaxium, and Han is forced to ditch the payload to avoid meeting the same fate. Though heartbroken, Beckett’s more concerned with explaining the loss to Dryden Vos (Paul Bettany), a loquacious but malevolent crime lord who heads the feared “Crimson Dawn” crime syndicate and who hired Beckett and his crew to steal the hyperfuel. Realising his only choice is to plead for a second chance, Beckett reluctantly allows Han and Chewie to accompany him to Dryden’s elaborate yacht, warning that they’ll be caught up in the smuggler’s life forever once they board the ship.
Though not as rugged as I expected, Ehrenreich did a great job as the young, naïve Han Solo.
Ehrenreich makes for a pretty great young Solo, despite his critics. He shares many of Harrison Ford’s mannerisms while still making the role his own and is full of cock-sure optimism, confident that he can either blag, fight, or flee his way out of a situation. Though a little “rough around the edges”, Han is far from the seasoned scoundrel we meet in A New Hope, meaning he’s somewhat naïve and overly trusting, especially of Beckett and Qi’ra, who he’s stunned to find working as Dryden’s right-hand. Han is incredibly resourceful, however, smooth-talking many characters, offering solutions to keep Dryden from killing them (even if it means an insane plan to steal unrefined coaxium from the hostile world Kessel), and adopting various disguises to infiltrate different establishments. Although the story goes into (at times painstaking) detail to show how Han acquired his trademark look, blaster, and starship, and places undue emphasis on his gold dice, Han’s still a charismatic, roguish character you can’t help but root for. Unfortunately, Han’s character arc is largely the same as in A New Hope. Rather than showing Han as a rugged, selfish, free-loading smuggler who’ll backstab anyone for a profit, he’s a bleeding heart and hopeless romantic. He clings to his dream of escaping to the stars with Qi’ra, aids Chewie in freeing his Wookie brethren on Kessel, and sympathises with Enfys Nest’s plight so much that he risks the wrath of the Crimson Dawn. While he refuses to join the fledgling Rebellion and denies being a “good guy”, Qi’ra is right in her assessment of him as Han has a good heart beneath all his bravado and big talk and always tries to do the right thing, putting him somewhat at odds with the more mercenary Beckett, who isn’t above double-crossing his allies if it benefits him.
As gorgeous as she is, I felt Qi’ra was under-utilised and undeserving of the reputation given her.
Han is joined by some interesting and well-rounded characters. Beckett examples all the negative aspects of the smuggler life that Han eventually struggles to juggle. He’s constantly living with a bounty on his head and in debt, desperate to leave it all behind and return to Glee Anselm with Val but always making new enemies. A seasoned smuggler, Beckett tries to teach Han (and, to a lesser extent, the others) how dangerous the galaxy is, emphasising the importance of having a plan and taking advantage of any opportunity, but is unwilling to stick his neck out for anyone unless it services him. Unfortunately, his crew is largely expendable. Considering how quickly they’re all killed off, I question why they were included as it might’ve saved time to have Qi’ra (on Dryden’s orders), Lando Calrissian (Donald Glover), and L3-37 (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) be Beckett’s crew just to keep the pace up. While I hate to say anything negative about the absolutely gorgeous Emilia Clarke, her arc is pretty predictable, and her physicality and demeanour do not suit the “cold-blooded assassin” vibe. Though she claims to be a master of Teräs Käsi and a highly trained warrior, Qi’ra is more of a subtle manipulator and peacemaker, using her status as Dryden’s lieutenant to get Lando on side when Han’s sabacc skills fail and using subterfuge to infiltrate Kessel. Though clearly torn between her loyalty to Dryden and her love for Han, Qi’ra ultimately sees herself as bound to her fate thanks to years of performing unknown (but allegedly unspeakable) deeds. I found the idea of Han having a true love prior to Princess Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher) I bit odd, especially as Han isn’t especially distraught by Qi’ra choosing to lead Crimson Dawn in Dryden’s place, so it’s not like he’s closed his heart off by the end. Indeed, I can’t help but think it might’ve been better to have Qi’ra tragically killed saving Han, thus hardening his heart and explaining why he’s such a scoundrel in A New Hope as Beckett and Qi’ra’s betrayals would’ve taught him harsh lessons about trust.
Lando and outspoken droid L3-37 steal the show and facilitate some of Han’s iconic moments.
Although I won’t pretend to have read every Han Solo book, it’s my understanding that Solo takes some inspiration from non-canon and canon texts starring the title character. This means we see him as an Imperial and his first meeting with Chewie, with the two quickly forming a close bond after they help each other escape and save each other’s lives on Vandor. Chewie’s said to be searching for his “tribe or family” but falls in with Han out of gratitude for him rescuing him, even returning to aid Han and escaping Kessel with the others despite reuniting with his Wookie brethren. Solo also depicts Han’s first meeting with charismatic gambler Lando Calrissian, with Donald Glover stealing the show by absolutely nailing Billy Dee Williams’ mannerisms in his portrayal of as the younger but no less charismatic rogue. Smooth talking, arrogant, and slick, Lando cheats at sabacc but is persuaded to lend them the Millennium Falcon in return for 25% 20% of the take. Lando’s joined by L3-37, another in a long line of outspoken and rebellious droids who’s said to have the best navigational system in the galaxy. Obnoxious and with an innate hatred of droid mistreatment, L3-37 showcases a sentence beyond other Star Wars droids by hinting at a sexual relationship between her and Lando and actively encouraging other droids to oppose their humanoid “masters”. L3-37 becomes so enamoured with the rebellion she sparks on Kessel that she’s summarily gunned down and tragically dies in Lando’s arms, only to live against when he and Qi’ra install her into the Millennium Falcon to complete the hazardous “Kessel Run” in less than twenty parsecs, thereby explaining why the ship is so inexplicably fast. Han, naturally, falls in love with the Millennium Falcon and relishes taking the controls and showing off by blindly plunging into the maelstrom surrounding Kessel, using nothing but gut instinct and his bravado to brave the storm and deliver the unstable, unrefined coaxium to Savareen but earning Lando’s ire in the process as he ditches the others after they reach the planet.
As menacing as Dryden Voss was, Enfys Nest and Maul seemed wasted and shoe-horned in.
Initially planned to be a half-mountain lion, half-human, Dryden Voss makes a nice change of pace from the usual pure evil Imperials, depicted as the cold, calculating, and manipulative arm of the Crimson Dawn crime syndicate. This allows Solo to depict other antagonistic forces in a galaxy all-too-often dominated by Imperials and nicely sets up future conflicts with the syndicate’s all-too-familiar dark figurehead, revealed to be former Sith, Maul (Ray Park/Sam Witwer). This revelation was confusing to me as someone who hasn’t dabbled much in extended Star Wars media and definitely felt unnecessary as I never imagined Maul as the kind of guy to run a crime syndicate. Dryden, however, was menacing presence who adopted the guise of a welcoming and even amiable figurehead only to showcase a violent temper (as indicated by his glowing eyes and facial markings), sadistic mean streak, and uncompromisingly ruthless nature. I liked how unpredictable he was and how every scene with him had me as on edge as the characters, though I would’ve liked to see Prince Xizor and the Black Sun organisation in his place as another reference to wider Star Wars canon. Initially depicted as a terrorist and a callous mercenary, Enfys Nest is revealed to be a young girl seeking to strike back against the malicious Crimson Dawn and oppose the oppressive Empire, earning Han’s sympathy (though not his allegiance) and showing how dangerous the galaxy is. However, I still would’ve preferred to see Boba Fett in her place, perhaps leading a handful of other bounty hunters as Dryden’s insurance policy, as I don’t think any reference has been made to Enfys Nest since Solo. Indeed, the film ends on a cliff-hanger and there were clearly plans for more stories to be told with the young Han that have apparently been abandoned due to the film’s poor critical and commercial performance. While I doubt the filmmakers expected this, it was still bold of them to include all these loose ends even after all the alterations and behind-the-scenes drama that plagued the film.
Final Thoughts: I was cautiously optimistic when Solo: A Star Wars Story was first announced, expecting it to be an action-packed, science-fiction heist film much like how Rogue One was more of a war/spy thriller than a galactic epic space opera like the main series films. I remember finding it surprisingly enjoyable, despite some flaws and a few of my personal grievances with the decisions made, and I still stand by that assessment. Honestly, I was really disappointed by the negative reactions to the film, especially those that complained about it being “safe” or a “by-the-numbers science-fiction film” as I don’t see what’s wrong with that. The only issues I had were extremely minor (I could’ve done without the text at the start, for example, it’s very convenient that Qi’ra works for Dryden Voss, and the head of the syndicate probably should have been a familiar, undeveloped antagonist from the Sequel Trilogy) and I found the film to be very exciting, fast-paced (once Han gets off of Corellia). All the performances were really good, as were the set pieces. The train heist was particularly memorable, as was the famous Kessel Run, with its malevolent space storms and Lovecraftian entity, and the film hit just the right level of visual and practical nostalgia for me with its presentation and effects. I do wish this had been a more self-contained story as it seems we’ll never get a resolution to the film’s cliff-hanger ending, however, and I remain disappointed by Disney’s refusal to do anything with this cast and the loose ends left by the film. still, I think Solo remains somewhat under-rated and underappreciated as it’s a very engaging and enjoyable Star Wars romp with some fun action, some tangible chemistry between the leads, and a lot more to offer than many gave it credit for at the time.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Did you enjoy Solo: A Star Wars Story? Do you agree that it’s under-rated or do you still think it’s one of the more disappointing Star Wars spin-offs? Were you a fan of Alden Ehrenreich as a young Han Solo and his chemistry with Emilia Clarke? Do you agree that Dryden Voss was a menacing change of pace for a Star Wars villain? Did you think the film went a bit overboard explaining unnecessary stuff about Han? How are you celebrating Star Wars this month? I’d love to see your thoughts on Solo: A Star Wars Story in the comments below so feel free to share your opinions, good or bad, and go donate to my Ko-Fi if you liked this review.
In the classic science-fiction horror Alien(Scott, 1979), an unsuspecting cargo crew investigates the barren world of LV-426. Thus, the 26 April is “Alien Day”, a day to celebrate one of the greatest sci-fi/horror franchises ever created.
Released: 8 June 2012 Director: Ridley Scott Distributor: 20th Century Fox
Budget: $120 to 130 million Box Office: $403.4 million Rotten Tomatoes Scores:73% / 68%
The Review: Set in 2093, over around one hundred years before Alien, Prometheus is full of oddities compared to its other, Xenomorph-ridden brethren. For starters, it begins on Earth, a location rarely seen or visited in these films, where archaeologists and lovers Doctor Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Doctor Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) unearth one of many ancient cave paintings depicting a tall man being worshipped by primitive humans and pointing towards a constellation in the stars. A combination of research and blind faith, especially by Shaw, sees them convince billionaire founder and chief executive officer (CEO) of Weyland Corporation Peter Weyland (Guy Pearce) to fund an expedition to the stars to find what they firmly believe to be the maker of humankind, dubbed “Engineers”. While the crew of the USCSS Prometheus are sceptical, with mentally unstable geologist Sean Fifield (Sean Harris) and cold-hearted Weyland Corp bureaucrat Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron) scoffing at their theory, the film shows that the towering, muscular Engineers (Ian Whyte and Daniel James) visit habitable worlds like Earth and seed them with their very bodies after consuming a mysterious black goo, which kick-starts the evolutionary process. Interestingly, Shaw is a deeply spiritual woman, wearing her father’s (Patrick Wilson) cross and trusting in a higher power, yet is committed to seeking out the Engineers and asking them the big questions, like “Who am I?” and “Why am I here?” Rapidly dying of extreme old age, Weyland gives Shaw and Holloway carte blanche to lead the expedition, this ruffles Vickers’ feathers as she doesn’t share Weyland’s optimism and is instead intent on claiming whatever they find on behalf of the corporation (and herself). She pointedly informs Shaw and Holloway that they’re not as in charge as they think, though Vickers chooses to remain on the ship while the others investigate the faraway world of LV-223. Vickers is equally forced to defer to Prometheus Captain Janek (Idris Elba) and deal with the surreptitious nature of her synthetic “brother”, David (Michael Fassbender), who monitors the crew and maintains the ship’s functionality while they’re in cryosleep.
Shaw and Holloway’s search for humanity’s makers leads them to some horrific discoveries.
Despite Vickers’ warnings, Shaw and Holloway join the others in investigating a large, seemingly artificial structure on the toxic planet’s surface, with Shaw chastising Holloway for trusting Fifield’s readouts and removing his helmet to breathe the self-contained atmosphere within. Initially, Shaw and Holloway are ecstatic to find the structure and the ancient, biomechanical technology within, where holograms triggered by David show the Engineers to be humanoid creatures, and even more thrilled when they discover an Engineer’s dead body and a tomb-like chamber filled with mysterious, vase-like containers. However, Holloway’s excitement evaporates as Shawn and medic Ford (Kate Dickie) investigate the Engineer’s severed head and he becomes despondent to learn that they’re all apparently all dead, having strangely perished while fleeing an unseen threat. Drunk, unaware that David has infected him with a tiny sample of black goo, Holloway vents his frustrations to David and Shaw, voicing his disappointment at being unable to talk to “God” and the revelation that there’s nothing special about human life. Shaw maintains her enthusiasm, though, largely because she cannot have children and their discovery promises to reveal so much about human evolution. At first, Shaw is as far from Lieutenant Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) as you can get, being an intellectual and a scientist first and foremost. Despite this, she fearlessly ventures into the Engineer’s structure and evolves into a more pro-active character, desperately dragging Holloway back to the ship when his infection takes root, faking being sedated afterwards so she can escape David’s custody, and even enduring a horrific automated caesarean to remove the Trilobite implanted by the android’s machinations. Shaw’s also far more emotional, feeling both angry and betrayed by Weyland Corp and the Engineers after she learns the truth about both and demanding answers from humanity’s stoic makers in the final act. In contrast, Holloway is largely uncharismatic and bland, initially mirroring Shaw’s enthusiasm before falling into despair before being doomed by David, a fate Holloway somewhat brings onto himself through his blind ambition to commune with “God” and his arrogant, malicious treatment of David.
Vickers is enraged by David’s surreptitious nature and her father’s callous attitude.
Unlike his successors, David is somewhat less refined and efficient, being noticeably more machine-like in his mannerisms and movements. He spends two years studying every modern and ancient language to transcribe and communicate with the Engineers and diligently serves the crew despite Holloway and Vickers treating him as inferior. David makes every effort to fit in, dressing like the crew and even donning a space suit he doesn’t need, only to be met with disdain or hostility. While David’s presumably programmed not to have emotions, it’s also implied that he’s learned to mask them to deceive people and this is only made more relevant when he observes Shaw’s dreams and specifically targets Holloway with the black goo, indicating that he has something of an obsession with Shaw. David is mostly helpful and polite, but Vickers’ hatred of him is rooted in jealousy as Weyland saw the android as the son he never had, favouring David over his daughter, Vickers, leading her to despise the android. Vickers’ stone-faced, no-nonsense demeanour sees her mocked (in private) by most of the crew and prompts Janek to question if she’s also a robot, resulting in a rare break in her icy exterior as she orders him to sleep with her. Vickers’ efforts to remain in control, even having a self-contained lifeboat quarters, are doomed to failure by LV-223’s chaotic atmosphere and her father’s plot, which sees David surreptitiously experiment with the black goo to report back to her father, who’s in cryosleep on the Prometheus. Thanks to David’s constant updates, the decrepit old man is confident that he can demand an extension on his already well-lived life, a decision which only brings Vickers further pain as Weyland would rather barter with “God” to extend his life than willingly pass on his legacy and company to her.
Any charisma Janek has is overshadowed by the stupidity and blandness of his crew.
Despite being an exploration vessel largely crewed with scientists, the Prometheus has some dumb-ass characters onboard, namely Fifield and biologist Millburn (Rafe Spall). While Fifield’s spheres map the Engineer structure, he gets spooked and gets lost (despite having the map) alongside Millburn, whom Fifield has a contentious relationship with because one of them is a crazy, abrasive asshole and the other is a chirpy annoyance. Millburn shows his own stupidity when they decide to weather a static storm inside the chamber and are confronted by snake-like Hammerpedes. While Millburn tries to keep his wits, he insists on approaching the mutated earthworm and unsurprisingly gets his arm broken and is infected by the slithering creature. Fifield is also infected while scrambling to help Millburn, taking a splash of acid to his helmet and landing face-first in black goo, which strangely transforms him into a zombie-like creature (because a humanoid Xenomorph would’ve been too cool, I guess). Pilots Chance (Emun Elliott) and Ravel (Benedict Wong) basically do nothing except fly and land the ship and opt to stay by Janek’s side in the finale as he plots a collision course with the escaping Engineer ship, sacrificing themselves to keep the Engineer from returning to Earth. Overall, the crew is far less memorable that the “space truckers” seen in Alien, despite Idris Elba’s bizarre accent and talent with an accordion. While it makes sense that Weyland’s ship would have all the mod-cons and be much cleaner and more impressive than haulage vessels like the USCSS Nostromo, the slick, high-tech ship (with all its holograms and touchscreens and such) feels too advanced for this point in the timeline and I never felt as connected to the ship or its crew as a result since they’re not as relatable as working class schmuks.
Prometheus goes out of its way to rewrite the lore yet struggles to juggle its identity.
This leads me into perhaps the biggest thing I’ve always disliked about Prometheus: it goes out of its way to distance itself from being a direct prequel to Alien, but apparently without changing the script. The ship travels to LV-223, not LV-426 as seen in the original film, but encounters an Engineer ship exactly like the one discovered by the Nostromo and which crashes in exactly the same position as that ship. It’s honestly distracting as it feels like these elements were changed at the last minute, meaning they just had to roll with what was shot, though I suppose it wouldn’t make much sense for the Company to forget about the planet where their founder died for over 100 years. Prometheus also seems to decanonise the AVP films, for better or worse, by stating that the Engineers created human life (and, apparently, all life) and suggesting that the Xenomorphs haven’t yet been bred or aren’t as prevalent. There’s a mural in the chamber depicting a Xenomorph and the “Deacon” that emerges from an Engineer resembles an Alien, but the creature itself is otherwise absent as the film clumsily tries to lay the seeds for their origin, again awkwardly juggling being a prequel and a standalone story. Indeed, Prometheus is more concerned with existential questions about existence and evolution, faith and science, and the nature of humanity. The Engineers are revealed to have sparked human evolution, but apparently “changed their minds” about humanity over the thousands of years and were preparing to wipe us out with the black goo. We never really find out why or what the Engineers’ true purpose was. Janek suggests they were creating weapons of mass destruction on LV-223 and it can be implied that they seeded worlds to breed hosts for the black goo, but none of this is explicitly said, with Shaw simply believing humanity somehow angered their creators. An abandoned idea, however, was to have an Earth-bound Engineer be Jesus Christ, explaining their wrath against humanity.
Sadly, few of the aliens and horrific moments can match the visual impact of the Xenomorph.
Instead of Xenomorphs, Prometheus offers a handful of other aliens and horrific creatures. The Engineer ship has that same unsettling, bone-like structure as before and is a disturbing combination of H.R. Giger and ancient civilisations like the Egyptians and Mayans. The dark, moody interior is littered with Engineer corpses, one of which has exploded from the inside out, and the crew unwittingly activate the black goo by disturbing the chamber’s ecosystem, causing it to horrifically mutate earthworms into Hammerpedes. This sees Fifield transformed into a bizarre, voracious, zombie-like creature that bashes some guy’s head in and must be run down and immolated to be killed. Holloway’s transformation isn’t as gruesome but does see his eyes go black and his skin malform as the black goo courses through his veins, leading him to invite Vickers to kill him before it’s too late. Thanks to them sneaking in some sexy time, Shaw is aghast to find she’s been impregnated with a rapidly growing alien parasite, which she forcibly removes with Vickers’ medical machine and which turns out to be a cephalopod-like creature that’s somehow an even more sexually disturbing and terrifying version of the traditional Facehugger. Unlike the elephantine “Space Jockeys” seen in the Dark Horse Comics, the Engineers are physical specimens and highly advanced, developing incredible technology and regularly kick-starting life on other worlds. Physically imposing and with science way beyond ours, they seemingly embody a physical and mental perfection far beyond humanity but are implied to have either become bored with humanity or to have always planned our extermination in the name of biological warfare. Despite their stature, David seemingly takes some pleasure in observing that the Engineers are as “mortal” as their creations and they were ultimately undone when one of their experiments somehow escaped and killed them (though we never see how this happened). Rather than being visually terrifying, it’s the implication of the Engineers which rattles most of the crew as they deconstruct religious and scientific ideas about humankind, though Shaw maintains her faith in a higher power as someone obviously made the Engineers.
Shaw heads to a doomed future with David to confront the malevolent Engineers.
After extracting the Trilobite, the grievously injured Shaw discovers Weyland was on the ship all along and, despite being betrayed and manipulated by him and David, agrees to accompany him to confront the remaining Engineer, desperate to understand why they turned on humanity. Unfortunately, neither she or Weyland get any answers as the hulking brute barely acknowledges them and opts to rip David’s head off rather than answer Weyland’s desperate plea for more life. The Engineer then bashes Weyland with David’s severed head, unceremoniously killing him and making Weyland’s plea to the Gods as futile as David’s efforts to earn the respect of his organic peers. The Engineer then resumes its mission to unleash black goo on Earth and cull humankind. However, thanks to Janek, Chance, and Revel’s sacrifice, the Engineer’s ship is downed as it takes off, with Vickers crushed when it rolls to a stop and Shaw left exploring her badly damaged lifeboat, where the enlarged Trilobite latches onto the Engineer in a disturbingly sexual manner. Distraught and at her wit’s end, Shaw faces a slow and painful death from her dwindling oxygen supply when David’s severed head contacts her. Despite being wary of him, Shaw is convinced to return to the Engineer ship and recover the dismembered android as David reveals that there are more alien ships on LV-233 and that he can pilot them. However, upon reaching David’s head, Shaw states her desire to go further, to the Engineer’s home world, to demand answers from her makers and David agrees, despite knowing that Shaw will never get the answers or the closure she’s seeking. As they fly off to a fate that leaves one of them doomed and the other destined to upset the universe’s food chain, the dead Engineer violently bursts open and “births” the Deacon, a pseudo-Xenomorph that was sadly never seen again and whose fate remains a mystery.
Final Thoughts: I remember being very impressed when I first saw Prometheus, seeing it as a return to the more atmospheric sci-fi horror of the 1970s and appreciating that it took its time and raised interesting questions about faith, evolution, and the origin of the Xenomorphs. Over time, however, my opinion has soured as I grew more and more resentful of it not being a more straightforward prequel, especially as all the elements are in place for that but were seemingly changed at the last minute. That aside, this isn’t an especially impressive film and feels ridiculously disconnected from Alien thanks to the overly elaborate technology and the largely bland and unrelatable characters. Janek’s the only one who evokes the down-to-earth vibe of the Nostromo crew as everyone else is either stupid, insufferable, bland, or just inferior. Shaw, especially, did little for me despite her impressive resolve and the others were too forgettable or idiotic to talk about. David was the obvious standout and exuded an unsettlingly menace in his subtle mannerisms and thinly veiled dialogue, to say nothing of him clearly being resentful towards his creatures. Guy Pearce was laughable under all that make-up and made me wish they’d just brought Lance Henriksen back to the role, though I did like the bitter narrative regarding the search for answers. While the film looks great and has some disturbing moments, none of the creatures had the same visceral impact as the Xenomorph and the attempt at an origin fell flat as the narrative felt muddled since it doesn’t know if it wants to be a prequel, a standalone, or something else. Even now, I rarely revisit this one as it’s pretty tedious to get through and has few saving graces. I appreciate that Prometheus tries to be somewhat vague about the Engineers and the Xenomorphs, but it just doesn’t gel very well with the story that’s being told and feels like all its potential was sucked out the airlock by a pretentious, confused script. In the grand scheme of the Alien franchise, Prometheus is easily forgotten, and I can’t say my opinions have changed for the better since its release.
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
Did you enjoy Prometheus and, if so, why? Were you also disappointed that it wasn’t a straight-up prequel or did you like that it tried to do something more? What did you think to Shaw and her search for answers? Is David your favourite synthetic character? Why you you think the Engineers wanted to destroy humanity? Which of the Alien movies is your favourite and why, and how are you celebrating Alien Day today? Whatever your thoughts, eave them below and support me on Ko-Fi for more Alien reviews.
The Review: Frank Miller’s Sin City is one of the most faithful big screen adaptations of a comic book property ever made, not just because the writer and artist of the acclaimed series was directly involved in the directing and production of the film, but because the movie rips its visuals directly from Miller’s books. The stories are direct adaptations of the Sin City comics, with the shortest – “The Customer is Always Right” – serving as a bookend for the theatrical version. The first part of this segment part was produced by co-director Robert Rodriguez as a proof-of-concept to gain Miller’s blessing for the project. The short sees a mysterious and attractive hitman known only as the “Salesman” (Josh Hartnett) approach a gorgeous young woman (Marley Shelton) at a party. He’s captivated by her looks and her scent and immediately professes his love for her, giving her affection and comfort right before fulfilling his contract and murdering her. The Salesman then pops up in the theatrical film’s coda, approaching misguided prostitute Becky (Alexis Bledel), presumably to execute her after the events of “The Big Fat Kill”. This is just one instance of Sin City’s interconnectivity. All the stories overlap, with characters appearing in the background in one story before taking the lead in another. Basin City is one of the most corrupted, violent, and seediest places in all of comicdom. It seems 90% of the police force are on the take and there’s little that conniving, controlling Senator Ethan Roark (played with delicious relish by the late, great Powers Booth) doesn’t own or control. This is an overlapping theme throughout the film, with Roark directly impacting the lives of Detective John Hartigan (Bruce Willis) and Marv (Mickey Rourke), and “The Big Fat Kill” exploring how ineffectual the police are in “Old Town”, where a shaky truce with the resident prostitutes – led by Gail (Rosario Dawson) – keeps the cops out. As this is essentially an anthology film, I’ll delve into each story separately before discussing some overarching themes and such.
Veteran cop Hartigan endures years in prison to save a little girl from a pervert’s wrath.
“That Yellow Bastard” is one of two segments I find the most enjoyable in this film. The story follows Hartigan, a thirty-year veteran who’s spent his entire career doing things “by the book”. Whereas his partner, Bob (Michael Madsen), reluctantly turns a blind eye to Roark’s corruption, Hartigan refuses, especially with his retirement literally hours away when we first meet him. Hartigan’s one loose end is Roark’s son, Ethan Roark Jr. (Nick Stahl), a sick little paedophile who likes to toy with, rape, and mutilate young girls. Rather than simply walking away, Hartigan defies his partner and the Roarks by pursuing Junior to a warehouse, arriving just in time to save young Nancy Callahan (Makenzie Vega) all while battling angina. Determined to “go out with a bang”, Hartigan’s crusade sees him literally and figuratively disarm Junior. leaving him a mangled and comatose wreck. Unfortunately, that’s not how justice works in Sin City and Hartigan’s betrayed by Bob, arrested, and framed for Junior’s crimes. As Roark puts it, Hartigan learns the true meaning of power as witnesses and evidence are all bought or tampered with to paint Hartigan as a bent cop with a taste for kids. His reputation and marriage are left as tattered as his body, which Roark pays to restore so he can get off on seeing Hartigan disgraced and stuck in solitary confinement. Hartigan accepts this, unwilling to endanger young Nancy, who remains indebted and besotted with him. Due to his stubborn refusal to speak up, Hartigan spends eight years alone in prison, with only letters from Nancy (using a pseudonym) to keep him going. He comes to see Nancy as a dear friend and daughter (though it’s clear his feelings run deeper and he’s just in denial) and thus falls into despair when the letters suddenly stop, a nineteen-year-old girl’s severed finger arrives in his cell, and a strange, disgusting, yellow-colouring imp attacks him.
You know a film’s doing something right when even Nick Sthal puts in a captivating performance!
Fearing for Nancy’s life, Hartigan begrudgingly swallows his pride and confesses, which is enough to have him released due to “time served”. Rather than dwell on his losses, Hartigan returns to his mission to keep Nancy safe, only to find she’s grown into Jessica fuckin’ Alba and works at a strip bar! Blinded by his love for Nancy and his obsession with saving her, Hartigan realises all-too late that he’s been tricked and is soon struggled with his lust for Nancy and keeping her safe from the titular “Yellow Bastard”, an unnerving lunatic who really pops thanks to his yellow complexion. It turns Junior was radically altered by experimental surgery as Roark was desperate for a grandchild. While it scuppered Junior’s Presidential prospects, he continued to abuse, rape, and torture children while Hartigan rotted in his cell, and is determined to avenge himself on Hartigan and Nancy. I was surprised by how good Nick Stahl is here, especially once he’s under all the prosthetics and make-up. Junior’s a pathetic little man at the best of times, a spoiled rich boy brat who enjoys the immunity offered him by his father’s power and is so pathetic that he can’t get it up unless his victims scream. Hartigan knows this secret and tells it to Nancy, who frustrates Junior with her defiance and proves that she grew up strong after all. Similarly, Bruce Willis was the perfect choice for grizzled veteran cop Hartigan, despite Bruce obviously not matching Miller’s hulking, exaggerating artwork and the somewhat controversial nature of his relationship with the much-younger Nancy. Hartigan tries to resist her, but he can’t deny that he’s also in love with her and it’s only due to Junior’s interference that we’re spared a love scene between them. It’s a little disturbing, for sure, though it’s explicitly said and shown that Hartigan doesn’t think of Nancy in that way until she’s nineteen, at least. Plus, like…it is Jessica Alba so it’s understandable he’d have the hots for her.
Despite triumphing, Hartigan can’t fight Roark’s corruption and makes the ultimate sacrifice to protect Nancy.
Hartigan is much more durable than the average man, basically telling his heart attack to sit the fuck down, surviving multiple gun shots and beatings, and besting most foes with a single punch. Hartigan’s aware of his limitations and regularly chastises himself for being reckless, allowing him to keep his cool even during a high-speed chase with Junior firing at him. Hartigan never wastes his time or his bullets, firing accurately and blasting off limbs and sending yellow blood spraying. He also proves driven and strong enough to pound the Yellow Bastard’s head into bloody mush by the end, showing he’s not your average cynical old man. There’s a tragedy to Hartigan that I’ve always felt palpable. Of all the characters and narrators of Sin City, I gravitate to him the most as he’s cynical, self-deprecating, and honest in a way that makes him extremely relatable. He’s clearly proud of his work and sees his retirement as bittersweet. It means leaving behind the violence and corruption, but also means he can’t help people, something he feels so strongly about that he happily takes the fall to protect Nancy, enduring beatings, slander, and solitude all to keep her safe. Hartigan knows that Roark is beyond the law. Roark even demonstrates that when he visits the hospital and boasts about how he could simply shoot Hartigan without repercussion. Hartigan consoles himself with the small victory that killing Junior ends Roark’s bloodline, which he frames as an absolute win to reassure Nancy. Hartigan sends her away, promising to follow her after clearing his name and bringing down Roark. Maybe that’s something John McClane might do, but not John Hartigan. Instead, he lies to Nancy to give her hope and keep her safe, then does the only thing he can do to ensure her safety by killing himself. It’s a startling ending, especially consider Bruce’s action credentials, but really sums up Hartigan’s commitment to shouldering the burden for others.
When his hooker love is killed, simple-minded brute Marv embarks on a brutal investigation.
My second favourite segment, “The Hard Goodbye” represented Mickey Rourke’s big Hollywood comeback and casts the former heartthrob as the brutish and disfigured Marv, a well-meaning but borderline psychotic bruiser who suffers from an unspecified medical condition that often leaves him confused, paranoid, and imagining things. Since he’s so badly disfigured, Marv is overjoyed when voluptuous prostitute Goldie (Jaime King) hooks up with him, throwing herself at him and giving him the affection and tenderness he’s craved his whole miserable life. Marv’s joy is short-lived, however, as he wakes to find Goldie dead and heavily-army cops ready to pounce. Thanks to his unexplained superhuman strength and durability, Marv easily brutalises the cops and escapes, patching up his minor wounds and beginning a vendetta to figure out who killed the only woman he’s ever loved (besides his doting, blind mother (Lucina Paquet)). Determined to kill his way to the truth, but still conscious of his medical condition, Marv goes to his parole officer, Lucille (Carla Gugino), for a fresh batch of pills and some insight into Goldie. While Lucille tries to warn Marv off his killing spree, not wanting to see him locked up for the rest of his life, Marv relishes a return to the “all-or-nothin’ days” of old, employing what little intelligence he has in weeding out small time thugs and torturing them in creative ways for leads, before killing them. Marv’s methods might be brutal, but they’re incredibly efficient and lead him to a crooked priest (Frank Miller), who reveals that Roark’s brother, Cardinal Patrick Henry Roark (Rutger Hauer), was behind Goldie’s murder. This throws Marv and sees him questioning reality as even he is shocked at the idea that someone so powerful he could’ve become the Pope or the President would go to the trouble of framing a meathead like him for a hooker’s murder.
Silent cannibal sadistic Kevin forces Marv to rethink his strategy.
Still, Marv investigates the Roark family farm on the outskirts of town and finds a creepy, silent man-child living there. Silent, agile, and deadly, Kevin (Elijah Wood) easily bests the unsuspecting Marv and he wakes to find Lucille missing an arm and to learn that Kevin killed and ate Goldie’s fellow hookers. Kevin also chopped off and ate Lucille’s arm and forced her to watch, briefly shattering her hard-ass demeanour before she composes herself. Though grateful to Marv for saving her, Lucille turns him in when the cops arrive and gets gunned down for her troubles, compelling Marv to go on hatchet-wielding killing spree. Marv’s confusion only doubles when he’s attacked by what he assumes to be a hallucination of Goldie, but which turns out to be her twin sister, Wendy (Jaime King). Bewildered, overwhelmed, and exhausted, Marv is easily subdued by Wendy and taken to Gail and their fellow prostitutes in Old Town. While Wendy initially blames Marv for her sister’s death and plans to beat and kill him, they quickly realise that it’s all a setup and Wendy confirms Cardinal Roark’s involvement since Goldie “worked the clergy”. Wendy helps Marv gather supplies to return to the farm, though he only tolerates her help for so long. He refuses to let her finish Kevin off and cold clocks her to keep her from seeing what he does to Kevin since he doesn’t want to scar her for life. Thanks to his amazing durability, Marv weathers Kevin’s swift attack and talon-like nails and handcuffs him, dropping him with a single punch and using a hacksaw to saw off his arms and legs. Still, while Marv delights in watching Kevin’s dog feed upon him and hacking off the psycho’s head, he’s left unfulfilled since Kevin refuses to scream, or make any sound at all, through the whole ordeal.
After avenging Goldie for himself and Wendy, Marv willingly meets his end.
Luckily for Marv, Cardinal Roark is a much more willing participant. Cardinal Roark is horrified when Marv brings him Kevin’s severed head and reveals that he not only encouraged Kevin’s cannibalism, but joined in, targeting “whores” since no one would miss them and feeling the touch of God almighty upon consuming human meat. Unimpressed and disgusted, Marv brutalises Cardinal Roark with his bare hands, giving him the “hard goodbye” he promised Goldie on her death bed. Unfortunately, Marv is subdued by the cops shortly after and spends months in hospital recovering from his wounds, initially convinced Roark’s men will come to finish the job before realising they plan to besmirch him, too. Though he refuses to co-operate, he’s coerced into taking the fall for Kevin and Cardinal Roark’s crimes and is branded a “psycho killer”. Regardless, Marv is largely nonplussed at his impending execution, believing the world would be a better place without him in it, and is eager to get it all over with. Out of gratitude for his actions and sacrifice, Wendy visits him one last time and allows Marv to have her, thinking of her as Goldie. Ever the stubborn meathead, Marv forgoes the obligatory Bible verses and hastens his execution, amusingly shrugging off the first round of electricity before finally breathing his last, consoling himself with memories of Goldie. Rourke shines as Marv, a simple-minded brute with a clear-cut code of honour who feels no remorse at roughing up or killing anyone who’s wronged him or his friends, especially dames. Marv is a very tragic figure, one constantly on the brink of a psychotic breakdown, who’s determined to bring down “gods” like Cardinal Roark even if it means his death. I loved the running gag of him acquiring new coats and offing his victims in increasingly bonkers ways, and how vicious his mean streak was.
When unstable cop Jackie runs afoul of Old Town, self-righteous Dwight desperately tries to protect his friends.
Finally, there’s “The Big Fat Kill”, which is enjoyable but probably the weakest segment for me, mainly because it has far more “Millerisms” than the other stories (that is, repetitive, childish, and stupid dialogue). This story explores Old Town in more detail, depicting it as Sin City’s seedy red-light district where the ladies are the law. The cops don’t patrol there and, in return, they get sent home alive if they accidentally cross the border and get to unwind with the girls when off duty. The women are therefore free to police themselves, dishing out brutal and efficient vigilante justice whenever their clients get too full of themselves, with Gail leading the charge and silent, deadly little Miho (Devon Aoki) slicing guys up with her katana. The story follows Dwight McCarthy (Clive Owen), a mysterious and grizzled man with a “new face” who’s back in town and hooking up with Shellie (Brittany Murphy), a rambunctious waitress. When Shellie’s accosted by her drunken, obsessively aggressive ex, Jack Rafferty (Benicio del Toro), Dwight stands up for her without hesitation, shrugging off her protests and determined to teach “Jackie Boy” a lesson about respecting women. Concerned for the ladies of Old Town, Dwight pursues Jack and his drunken friends to the red-light district, where they attract Gail’s wrath after accosting Becky. Gail, angry at Dwight for ditching her in the past, immediately takes charge and orders Jack’s death, refusing to listen to Dwight’s sudden feeling that something’s off. Sure enough, Dwight discovers a bombshell on Jackie Boy’s corpse: he was Lieutenant “Iron Jack” Rafferty, a “goddamn hero cop”, and his death would mean an end to the shaky truce and a return to all-out war in Old Town. Thanks to her ill-will towards Dwight, Gail’s reluctant to go along with his plan to ditch Jackie Boy’s corpse in the tar pit across town but he convinces her with his conviction, passion, and quick hands, determined to safeguard the women and avoid any bloodshed.
Dwight and his sultry allies must set aside their grievances toavoid bloodshed in Old Town.
Still, the experience rattles Dwight and sees him hallucinating conversations with Jackie Boy’s mangled corpse. Dwight’s right to be on edge as some previous actions mean he’s one fingerprint away from execution and he’s risking a lot to protect his friends, but he follows through since he can’t help but protect those he cares about. Unfortunately, Dwight’s plan hits a snag when the car the ladies give him conks out and he’s attacked by Irish mercenaries led by Brian (Tommy Flanagan). Despite Brian’s penchant for grenades being largely ineffective (it’s seriously laughable how characters shrug off explosions even when they’re right at their feet!), Dwight ends up in the tar and Brian escapes with Jack’s severed head. Luckily, Miho rescues Dwight and they retrieve the head, then concoct a desperate plan to trade it for Gail, who’s held hostage by eloquent and imposing man-mountain Manute (Michael Clarke Duncan). Sporting a golden eye and holding a grudge against prostitutes, Manute certainly cuts an intimidating figure, with his slightest touch causing Gail agony. He works for unseen mob boss Wallenquist, who’s keen to expedite the war between Old Town and the cops so he can regain control of the red-light district. Manute, much like Junior, is joined by an eclectic bunch of underlings, from loquacious minions to Neo-Nazis, who add a splash of (metaphorical) colour to Sin City’s underworld. Manute also seems to have a grudge against Dwight, though it’s not expanded upon in this story. In fact, pretty much nothing is known of Dwight’s past life; you’d have to read A Dame to Kill For (Miller, 1993 to 1994) or watch the sequel to find out more about that.
Though visually striking, Miller’s quirky dialogue makes “The Big Fat Kill” the least enjoyable segment.
Anyway, Dwight’s plan echoes a famous strategy employed by the Spartans and depicted (in Miller’s typical exaggerated fashion) in 300 (ibid, 1998). He forces Manute and his goons into a dark, narrow alleyway where their numbers are less effective and demands a simple trade: Jack’s severed head for Gail. Despite Becky questioning why Jackie Boy’s head has tape around its mouth, Manute agrees and Gail initially despairs of Dwight, before he reveals he stuffed one of Brian’s grenades into Jackie Boy’s head. The explosion scars Manute and takes out some of his minions before Miho and the other ladies emerge from the rooftops and join Dwight and Gail in slaughtering “every last rat-bastard one of them” to send a message to Wallenquist. The act sees Dwight and Gail rediscover their passion for each other, though they each lament that they’re seemingly doomed to never truly be together. It’s not that I don’t like “The Big fat Kill”, but I do find it the weakest segment in Sin City. Clive Owen is great as the gritty, gruff Dwight, a man trying to keep his head down and move on from his mysterious past and yet caught up in a potential war because he can’t help but defend women. He’s depicted as being a bit unpredictable and unstable, talking to himself (while hallucinating talking to Jackie Boy’s corpse) and happily ready to engage with multiple foes at once. He has a bloodlust and a sexual passion he’s quick to indulge, despite trying to deny both, and a deep-rooted respect for the ladies of Old Town. He knows how dangerous Miho is, for example, and doesn’t want to step on their toes, but he’ll slap Gail and make demands if it means avoiding a war. Dwight’s comically as invulnerable as Hartigan and Marv, despite being much smaller, and equally determined to achieve his goals. I really liked Benicio del Toro’s slurring, madcap performance as the erratic Jackie Boy, a guy so obviously off his rocker that it’s laughable that he’s what Sin City designates a “hero cop”.
A masterful use of green screens, gritty noir atmos, and sporadic colour make this a faithful adaptation.
I actually studied Sin City years ago at university as an example of fidelity in film adaptations. The film remains one of the best examples of a one-to-one adaptation of a text largely because the production literally used Frank Miller’s comic books as the storyboards. However, this is a bit of a double-edged sword for me as I’m not a huge fan of Frank Miller’s writing or his art. There are obvious exceptions. I enjoyed his work on Daredevil, for example; Batman: Year One (Miller, et al, 1987) is still the definitive Bruce Wayne/Batman origin story for me; and I do like the Sin City comics I’ve read. However, his art is often quite ungainly and ugly and his writing, and especially his dialogue, can be atrocious. I often cite his work on a Batman/Spawn crossover, where his “Millerisms” depicted Batman as a mardy youth and completely ruined Todd McFarlane’s gorgeous art. However, Sin City is an exception. This is Miller’s world, his toy box, and this is really where he shines, with his own original characters and narratives, all rendered in a startling noir colour palette that heavily emphasises shadows and silhouettes. The movie captures that aesthetic perfectly, using colour (mainly blue, red, and yellow) sparingly as a contrast to the noir presentation. I really like the stylistic way the film is shot, the use of black-and-white and shadows, and the way the few examples of colour pop, and how gritty and dirty and moody everything is. There are times when it’s obvious the film is being shot on a green screen set, but it perfectly fits Miller’s hyper-stylised world. Sin City is a drab, depressing, and dangerous town where it’s almost constantly raining, gangs and perverts roam, and the corrupt control everything. This is a world where we’re forced to rely on anti-heroes or where straight arrows like Hartigan are disgraced for daring to oppose Senator Roark’s rule, and where surviving the day is seen as a happy ending.
A few extra scenes bring this film even closer to the source material and emphasise its anthology roots.
This Recut & Extended version of the film is technically the best way to watch it as it adds in a few extra scenes, primarily to “That Yellow Bastard”, but oddly presents each segment like a mini movie, with its own opening titles and closing credits, which is a bit annoying when trying to watch it as one movie. Similarly, while the additions to “That Yellow Bastard” are scenes from the comics, I can understand why they were cut as they’re pretty redundant. For example, Roark comes into the hospital to gloat over Hartigan’s bed-ridden form and tells us everything we need to know without Eileen Hartigan (Babs George) and other visitors repeating the same information. These visitors also come to Hartigan before Roark in the film, rather than after Roark as in the comics, which doesn’t make much sense narratively. I did like the inclusion of Lucille to further tie the segment into “The Hard Goodbye”. Her scenes also add a bit of extra context as to why Hartigan is released after he confesses. Without them, it views like this perverted old man finally confessed to being a child rapist and murderer and was let out because of “time served”. “The Hard Goodbye” adds a scene where Marv sneaks into his mother’s home to retrieve his beloved pistol, Gladys, restoring a heartwarming interaction between the two that shows that Marv actively hides his violent nature from his mother. Otherwise, there’s not much else added to the film as Rodriguez and Miller were extremely faithful to the source material the first go around. I prefer the extended version of “That Yellow bastard”, though, as it means more Bruce Willis, but it does annoy me that there’s no option to watch it as a continuous film without skipping past the end credits each time.
Final Thoughts: I’ve always enjoyed Frank Miller’s Sin City. I’d never read the comics when I first saw the trailers or when I went to see it upon release, but I was captivated by the black-and-white visuals and stylistic presentation. I really enjoy how the film brings Miller’s neo-noir world to life using green screens and sparse sets. It all feels very gritty and almost like a stage play at times and makes me nostalgic for the noir thrillers of old. Despite the actors having to growl out Miller’s often painful dialogue and often acting against stand-ins or thin air, the performances were captivating throughout. Bruce Willis and Mickey Rourke especially shined in their roles, with Willis perfectly capturing Hartigan’s grizzled nature and Rourke channelling a great deal of emotion into the brutish Marv. Clive Owen was equally impressive as Dwight, though I still find “The Big Fat Kill” the weakest segment because of Miller’s writing and some of the deliveries. Still, the visual appeal of Sin City cannot be denied, the stark use of shadows, blacks and whites, the sparing use of colour, and the exaggerated violence all pop off the screen. It really is like the comic book panels have come to life and it amazes me that more movies didn’t opt for this aesthetic for other pulp characters (or even Batman and the Crow). I enjoyed the film so much that I sought out The Hard Goodbye and That Yellow Bastard to read and I eagerly anticipated the follow-up, and I would’ve loved to see an ongoing television series adapting more of Miller’s Sin City stories as it’s such a vivid and intriguing cesspool of corruption and violence.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Great Stuff
Did you enjoy Frank Miller’s Sin City? Which segment was your favourite? Were there other Sin City stories you would’ve liked to see in the film? Did you enjoy the hyper-stylised presentation? Do you think Hartigan made the right decision sacrificing himself? Were you interested to learn more about Dwight? Why do you think Marv was so unstoppable? Whatever your thoughts on Sin City, drop a comment below, support me on Ko-Fi if you’d like me to cover more of this world.
15 April has been designated National Anime Day to celebrate the stylistic genre, which achieved mainstream success thanks to animators like Osamu Tezuka.
Released: 1995 Directors: Carl Macek Distributor: Manga Entertainment / Discotek Media
The Review: Set in dystopian future where machines have all-but driven humanity to extinction, Casshan: Robot Hunter is essentially a more serious and far darker version of Capcom’s cutesy Mega Manfranchise (1987 to present). Like Rock, Tetsuya Azuma (Steve Bulen) was a human boy transformed into an artificial human by the technology of his genius father, Doctor Kotaro Azuma (Kirk Thornton). He’s accompanied by a robotic canine, Friender, and reluctantly receives assistance from a female, in this case his former lover, Luna Kozuki (Edie Mirman), rather than his sister (though Luna resembles Roll). To be fair, that’s about where the comparisons end as Casshan has a completely different power set and is far more introspective than Mega Man and battles not against a mad scientist, but his father’s malevolent creation, Android BK-1 (Jeff Winkless), which surpassed it programming and wars against humankind as the Black King. Because of this, Dr. Azuma is branded a madman and the betrayer of humanity as it’s widely believed he caused the Black King’s rampage, with even Casshan wondering if the Black King is a combination of human and “neoroid” like himself and therefore responsible for untold deaths. This also means that Tetsuya wasn’t transformed into a cyborg like Mega Man and has instead forsaken his past and his humanity to gain incredible augmented powers to oppose and destroy the Black King and his neoroid army, which quickly sweeps away most of humankind and enslaves whoever’s left. Naturally, pockets of resistance exist, and efforts are made to strike back against the neoroids, but they’re largely ineffective. The resistance remains emboldened, however, by the legend of Casshan, a nomadic, masked warrior whose powers rival those of the Black King and inspire even the most hopeless people to either take up arms against their mechanic oppressors or endure their horrendous, non-stop enslavement.
Reborn as a cyborg, Casshan struggles with his purpose and his humanity.
Unaware of Tetsuya’s fate, Luna searches for him and assists the resistance however she can, presenting herself as mysterious and capable as Casshan thanks to her prototype “MK gun”, a weapon that easily dispatches neoroids. Luna inspires those enslaved by the Black King and his lieutenants – Akubon (Ardwight Chamberlain), Barashin (Michael Reynolds), and Sagria (Catherine Battistone) – to revolt, urging them to disregard myths like Casshan and instead fight for themselves, with somesuspecting her of being their legendary hero. Even the Black King dismisses reports and rumours of Casshan, believing him a phantom hero dreamed up by humans desperately clinging to hope, leading Akubon to capture Luna and plan to publicly execute “Casshan” to break the people’s spirit. Upon meeting the cloaked Casshan, Luna immediately recognises him as Tetsuya, a name he claims to have abandoned, and finds him stone walling her, urging her to flee to avoid being hurt or killed as only he has the power to stop the neoroids. Casshan certainly is powerful, able to rocket along (and through neoroids) with little hip-mounted boosters, smash through any enemy with karate chops and tornado attacks and being backed up by Friender’s flamethrower breath. However, his power comes from the sun, so he’s weakened when it gets cloudy and his body is incredible unstable, apparently not built to last as he’s constantly struggling with maintaining his power and overexerts himself by the finale, to the point where he’s facing certain death. Casshan is also wracked by doubt and grief, constantly consulting with a holographic representation of his mother, Midori Azuma (Melanie MacQueen), whose consciousness is confined to a robotic swan, and questioning his existence and his mission. Initially, Casshan is motivated only to destroy the neoroids and their leader, shunning Luna’s concerns or any notion of being a hero but warms to the idea of being humanity’s saviour after rescuing Luna from Akubon and seeing the hope he inspires.
Despite his crippling doubts, Casshan inspires the remnants of humanity to stand against the neoroids.
Casshan constantly struggles with his purpose and his humanity, to the point where it impedes his mission as much as a lack of sunlight. Casshan sees much of himself in the Black King as both were created by his father and neither are human, and Casshan even briefly considers if his father’s wish to purge humanity should be fulfilled. Luna and Midori constantly reassure Casshan that he’s there to serve a greater good and that he’s still human inside, despite his android body, due to his heart, compassion, and soul. Still, Casshan’s mission is incredibly dangerous, and people are constantly being enslaved or gunned down by neoroids, so he fights to keep Luna at arm’s length. However, she repeatedly refuses to leave him, even jumping from a helicopter to be with him and give him comfort so he doesn’t have to fight alone. Luna delivers the plans for the magnetic field (“MF”) gun to the remains of humanity’s leadership, who hide on submarines or within the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, giving the likes of Admiral Rudolph (Michael Forest) and General Montgomery (Steve Kramer) hope that they can turn the tide, though they remain sceptical of trusting any weaponry designed by the traitorous Dr. Azuma. Luna is determined to assist her former lover, wracked with guilt after being forced to leave a pilot (Kerrigan Mahan) behind to safeguard the weapon plans, but even she struggles with Casshan’s mood swings. When the resistance plots an elaborate, two-pronged scheme to destroy a bridge and a vital supply train commanded by Barashin, Casshan interferes, leading to Captain Tork’s (Michael McConnohie) death, and immediately regrets it, again vowing to serve humanity rather than defend his seemingly mad father’s ambitions. Casshan atones by derailing the train and destroying Barashin, thereby saving Captain Tork’s village, but it’s interesting that none of the others question or suspect Casshan for his recklessness afterwards.
The Black King is surprisingly complex as he’s aiming to save the world by destroying humans.
Much of Casshan’s indecisiveness comes from his worries that the Black King is actually the corrupted consciousness of his father, and his knowledge of the “Sigma Project”. It turns out that the Black King isn’t simply a one-dimensional, malevolent robotic despot and is instead programmed to safeguard and nurture the natural environment. Of course, the Black King twisted this mission and decided that the planet would be better off without humans polluting it or waging war, but he and his neoroid army actually improve environmental conditions whenever they wipe the populace from each piece of conquered land, despite constructing a massive robot and weapons factories and employing a hell of a lot of rocket fuel. Still, while the Black King has deluded himself into thinking he’s acting in the best interests of the planet, he’s still committed what appears to be genocide. He and his lieutenants regularly mock and despise humans, disgusted by their fragility, perseverance, and self-destructive ways, and delight in forcing them to repair any damage they’ve caused or leaving them dead or severely injured as an example to others. The neoroids are happy to use and endanger human lives to fit their purposes or stave off thoughts of insurrection, manipulate them into betraying their own just to show how selfish we are, and are fully committed to solving the world’s human infestation…ironically by acquiring nuclear missiles to destroy mankind. Interestingly, the Black King still shows some twisted compassion for his “parents”, considering it a mercy that Dr. Azuma and Midori live on in robotic bodies, and later uses this to try and unsettle Casshan as destroying the Black King means destroying what’s left of Tetsuya’s father. By that point, though, Casshan is on his last legs and focused on ending the neoroid threat, summoning the last of his power to defeat the Black King, which frees his and his parents’ souls and activates Dr. Azuma’s failsafe, deactivating the neoroids forever and saving the world.
A visually gorgeous effort with some fun action that’s slightly bogged down by some pacing issues.
Though clearly four episodes stitched together by a narrator (Alexandra Kenworthy), Casshan: Robot Hunter impresses with some slick and beautiful hand-drawn animation. Casshan is a striking figure in his skin-tight, all-white outfit and ostentatious helmet and I really like all his little gadgets and how unstoppable he is at full power. Since Casshan’s fighting an army of robots, there’s a lot of smashing here and the animation does a wonderful job of rendering this, with debris, sparking wires, and flailing tubes punctuating each action scene alongside a bunch of super cool and visually dramatic explosions where Casshan strikes a pose mid-fight. There’s a fair bit of blood, too, as humans are gunned down and crushed by neoroids or debris, and a good sense that this is a dire time for humanity as people are so scattershot. The neoroids have many forms, with their commanders assuming more humanoid bodies and the drones being chunky, clunky tank-like mechs with retractable claw arms and giant maces. Sagria orders jellyfish-like suicide drones to overwhelm Casshan in the finale and the neoroids are seen to be highly adaptable, sprouting tentacle-like cables to interface with other technology and continuing to fight even after being dismembered, sparks flying from their severed arms. Yet, Casshan: Robot Hunter isn’t just about exciting action; there’s a lot of heart at the core of the story. Casshan is deeply conflicted and extremely troubled by his existence, seeing himself as separate from the humans he defends and yet constantly drawn to his former people. Casshan’s very presence galvanises the resistance into a more capable and effective force, with them standing up to the neoroids even when hopelessly outnumbered, though there’s a hint that humanity’s true, selfish nature still lives on as Casshan is forgotten in the ending and Admiral Rudolph (Michael Forest) takes credit for defeating the Black King.
Final Thoughts: I was first introduced to Casshan through the visually stunning, if narratively bloated, live-action/CGI feature film Casshern (Kiriya, 2004), which impressed me so much that I sought out this OVA to get a better sense of the character. The two are extremely different, of course, with Casshan: Robot Hunter featuring more elaborate and mechanical designs for its neoroids and presenting the Black King as a hulking, humanoid tyrant. Still, much of the appeal is still there, especially in the visuals. Casshan is a nigh-unstoppable force when properly motivated and at full power, cutting through neoroids with ease and leaving them little more than flaming debris. However, Casshan is crippled by doubts about his mission and his humanity, believing he’s traded his life to become something more, neither human or neoroid that doesn’t belong in this war-torn world. While this existential debate does hamper the OVA’s pacing, I liked seeing Casshan inspire others and Luna paying that forward by boosting his spirit. I particularly enjoyed the idea that the Black King is wiping out humanity to preserve the world’s natural order rather than wanting to cover the planet in machinery and pollution. While he’s clearly an amoral villain, this gives him some extra dimension as his argument about the dangers of mankind has some weight. Ultimately, I can’t say that I regularly return to Casshan: Robot Hunter and I definitely prefer the 2004 movie over this one, and it’s true that there are better overall anime out there. Yet, I still find the story, characters, and visuals very appealing and it was fun coming back to it and seeing how many different sci-fi influences are weaved into its narrative, such as Mega Man and the first two Terminator films (Cameron, 1984; 1991), and given that classic, timeless anime shine.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Have you ever seen Casshan: Robot Hunter? Are you a fan of Casshan and his different interpretations? Do you agree that the existentialism slowed the pace a bit? Did you enjoy the explosive action and Casshan’s nigh-unstoppable nature? Were you also intrigued by the Black King’s twisted mission to save the world by destroying humans? How are you celebrating National Anime Day today? Whatever your thoughts on Casshan: Robot Hunter, or anime in general, share them in the comments and support me on Ko-Fi to fund more anime content on the site.
Long considered an unlucky daydue to superstitions involving the number thirteen and religious connotations, Friday the 13th is equally well-known as a long-running series of slasher movies. As a result, this is clearly the best opportunity to take a look at the Friday the 13th (Various, 1980 to 2009) horror series and to commemorate this unlucky and dreaded date.
Released: 13 August 1993 Director: Adam Marcus Distributor: New Line Cinema
The Review: Things start out very familiar in this second attempt at a “final” entry in the long-running slasher franchise. Jason Goes to Hell opens some twenty years after Jason Voorhees was believed drowned as a child in Crystal Lake. After two decades of characters either warning that Jason is alive or mocking the idea that Jason is alive, Jason’s legend has become public, with scheming news reporter Robert Campbell (Steven Culp) openly discussing Jason on his show and Crystal Lake residents like rambunctious diner owner Joey B. (Rusty Schwimmer) shamelessly profiting from Jason’s myth. This predictability and familiarity are all the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) need to trap the monstrous killer, as Agent Elizabeth Marcus (Julie Michaels) wanders about an abandoned cabin at Crystal Lake to lure Jason out. Looking more hideous and ridiculous than ever, with his mask fused to his tumour-ridden head (though with no explanation of how he returned to Crystal Lake from Manhattan), Jason is lured into an ambush. A crack squad of FBI agents pump Jason full of assault rifle fire and reduce him to flaming body parts with a mortar, seemingly ending his reign of terror and causing Crystal Lake to celebrate accordingly. This makes for a very surprising opening but it also a bad omen for things to come, as Jason Goes to Hell deviates so wildly from the formula and lore of the franchise that it’s essentially unrecognisable as a Friday the 13th film. While Campbell interviews infamous bounty hunter Creighton Duke (Steven Williams), who coyly alludes to Jason being beyond death and offers to finish the job for $500,000, Jason’s remains are taken to coroner Phil Hant (Richard Gant) at the local morgue.
Enigmatic bounty hunter Duke is the best and most wasted part of this bizarre entry in the slasher franchise.
Hant is suddenly mesmerised by Jason’s black, still-beating heart, which compels him to consume it and, in doing so, the coroner is possessed by Jason’s evil spirit! Acting through Hant, Jason immediately returns to his killing spree, offing assistant coroner Eric Pope (Dean Lorey) and two FBI guards (Tony Ervolina and Kane Hodder) before returning to Crystal Lake. Since he has foreknowledge of Jason’s abilities and knows the terrifying secret behind his curse, Duke journeys to Crystal Lake and accosts waitress Diana Kimble (Erin Gray), demanding her help in defeating Jason since she’s secretly Jason’s hitherto unknown sister! Duke’s lewd ways and notoriety see him upset Diana and anger her man, Sheriff Ed Landis (Billy Green Bush), who arrests Duke for his insolence. Undeterred, Duke patiently waits for a chance to escape and is provided one when down on his luck Steven Freeman (John D. LeMay) is brought in later in the film, having been accused of killing Diana. Desperate to protect his ex and the mother of his baby, Jessica Kimble (Kari Keegan), Stephen rises to Duke’s bait and demands answers about Jason, sacrificing two of his fingers to learn that Jason has been wearing bodies this whole time, jumping to new hosts when he wears them out, and can only be killed or reborn through his bloodline. Stephen’s exploration of the newly revealed “Vorhees” mansion suggests that Jason’s mother (or father) dabbled with the Necronomicon Ex Mortis, suggesting Jason was cursed from birth to be some kind of human/Deadite hybrid. Duke also alludes to a history with Jason, though we only get scant details of this, which is a shame as Steven Williams is easily the best part of this car crash of a movie. Charismatic and eye-catching, Duke makes a hell of an impression in double denim, long black trenchcoat, and cowboy hat, to say nothing of his knowing smirk and silky-smooth voice. While it would’ve made way more sense to bring back Tommy Jarvis (Various) or rewrite the film to focus on Duke defending Jessica and her baby, Duke is one of the franchise’s more memorable characters and it’s a pity to see him wasted and offed so unceremoniously.
The film’s crippled by uninteresting leads and a complete rewrite of the series lore.
Instead of following a self-righteous Duke on a quest for revenge, we’re left with Steven, a weedy nerd who apparently skipped town or disappeared after getting Jessica pregnant and has been trying to make amends since. While Diana wants to help the kids repair their relationship and Jessica constantly asks after him, Jessica has shacked up with Campbell and joins Sheriff Landis in condemning Steven when he’s found cradling Diana’s dead body. In fact, save for a horny hitchhiker (Kathryn Atwood), Officer Randy Parker (Kipp Marcus), and Ward B. (Adam Cranner), the entire community turns on Steven and hounds, attacks, or berates him. Having witnessed Jason murder Diana while possessing Deputy Josh Burton (Andrew Bloch) and then jump from Josh into Campbell, leaving Josh to dissolve into a gloopy mess, Steven’s desperate to protect Jessica, having learned that she’s Jason’s niece, and stunned to finally meet his daughter, baby Stephanie (Brooke Scher). Though physically no match for Jason (or anyone, for that matter), Steven constantly surprises with his quick reflexes and guts, offering his fingers to Duke in return for information, brawling with Randy, and gunning down Jason’s possessed bodies to protect his estranged family. Unfortunately for him, Jessica is not interested in associating with him, despite asking after him a few times. She refuses to see him (though is happy for him to meet Stephanie) and constantly ditches and even attacks him, despite him saving her from the possessed Campbell and desperately getting her to safety. Jessica seems to be in denial, despite witnessing horrific and unexplainable events, even when confronted by Duke at the Voorhees house and told her destiny. It’s only when Jason is horrifically reborn through her mother’s corpse that Jessica finally gets a clue and takes up the Kandarian dagger to fight off the undead menace, and only after Steven has almost been dragged to Hell that she finally shows him some affection (though I don’t blame her for shunning him as he’s a complete dweeb).
Jason’s now a demonic, body hopping force hell-bent on possessing his last family members.
Everything you know about Jason is completely turned on its head or thrown out the window in this bizarre entry, which has only superficial connections to the previous films and goes out of its way to rewrite the long-standing lore. Though still a hulking, rotting, undead killer, Jason is far more vocal than ever, grunting and even moaning constantly as he stomps about. Jason’s also now inarguably a demonic figure and his superhuman durability, strength, and regenerative powers are made explicitly supernatural, potentially due to the “Book of the Dead” (though this may have been a prop planted by Campbell…) Jason also now has an extended family, with his sister, Diana, laughably working in Crystal Lake as a waitress rather than fleeing to avoid her family name. Aside from a handful of victims who get in his way or act as hosts, Diana is Jason’s primary target as he can only be reborn through his bloodline. Otherwise, Jason jumps from bodies as a squealing, demonic slug-thing that squirms from his mouth and rapidly deteriorates any non-Voorhees. This means Kane Hodder only appears very briefly as Jason, with others assuming his mannerism as Jason hunts down his family and Jason’s true self only appearing in reflections (…for some unexplained reason). Those possessed by Jason exhibit the same supernatural strength and durability, essentially becoming zombies who shrug off bullets and bash people’s teeth down their throat and easily recover from being run over. This bizarre new ability also gives Jason some anonymity as nobody suspects his presence even when Campbell is suddenly stalking around covering blood and tossing fools aside, and Jason even inexplicably talks while possessing Randy to fool Jessica into killing Sherriff Landis, potentially suggesting the possessed have some awareness of what’s going on. Still, while the idea of a body-hopping, demonic Jason is interesting, it doesn’t align with the previous films and makes this more of a generic, slightly bonkers horror film as it lacks Jason’s iconography and depicts him so differently that he’s essentially completely different character.
Despite some gruesome gore and interesting kills, this is just another generic horror offering.
Although cut to pieces by censorship like its predecessors, the unrated/director’s cut adds a bit more blood and gore to the black sheep of the franchise. Sadly, many kills lack the same visceral appeal as others in the series simply because Jason isn’t physically onscreen doing the deed. While making his way into town, Hant-Jason detours to murder three hitchhikers picked up by Steven who camp at the remains of Camp Crystal Lake. This delivers not only one of the best sex scenes in the franchise but also one of the best deaths, as Deborah Caldwell (Michelle Clunie) is skewered through the back with a tent pole and torn in half right at the point of orgasm! Diana’s simply stabbed in the back to meet her end, but this is the catalyst for all the animosity that follows Steven, and Josh’s gruesome end more than make sup for this. His body rapidly deteriorating from Jason’s presence, Josh passes Jason’s demonic slug into Campbell and then melts from the inside out, leaving his jaw on the floorboards and reducing him to a bubbling mess of melting flesh. Campbell’s body shows signs of distress much faster than Josh’s but also goes on a far more public rampage, crashing through the police station in search of Jessica and bashing two officers’ heads in before being briefly gunned down. Campbell-Jason pursues Steven and Jessica to Joey’s diner, where he snaps Wade’s arm, smashes Joey’s face, and mutilates Shelby B. (Leslie Jordan) with the deep fat fryer before tossing him into a wall. Waitress Vicky Sanders (Allison Smith) tries to fight back with a spear, only for Campbell-Jason to impale her on it before crushing her head. Despite being positioned as the one most capable of battling Jason, Duke is disappointingly ineffectual, succeeding only in distracting Jason as he lunges for Jessica. Handicapped by a leg injury, Duke can only spit his defiance in Jason’s scabby mask and get his back broken.
A simple stab with a magic dagger and Jason is dragged to Hell forever…or for almost ten years.
Now awkwardly positioned as a quasi-Deadite, Jason’s goal here is to return to his more familiar (if more ungainly and monstrous) form, taking out anyone in his way and possessing new bodies to get close to his remaining bloodline. It’s bloody convenient that he magically has other family members to hunt down as no mention was ever officially made of there being anyone other than Jason and his mother, not to mention how convenient it is that Diana and Jessica stuck around Crystal Lake. Despite his broken fingers and being battered by former friends and Jason’s avatars, and constantly being ditched by Jessica, Steven races to the Voorhees mansion to help Jessica, who’s presented with a magical dagger by Duke and torn between who to trust when Sheriff Landis and Randy both show up claiming to help her. Unfortunately, Jessica choses poorly and Randy-Jason tries to possess Stephanie, only to be beheaded by Steven. Undeterred, Jason’s demonic slug-thing crawls out and possess Diana’s dead body (which Campbell stuffed in the basement for ratings), inexplicably returning Jason to his familiar, hockey-masked self rather than being reborn in a new body. After killing Duke, Jason targets Jessica so Steven steps in again, tackling Jason through a window and somehow going toe-to-toe with him thanks to Jason choosing to simply toss him around rather than rip his heart out. This distraction leaves Jason wide open for Jessica to stab him with the dagger, triggering an unearthly storm and ethereal light and demonic hands to pop from the ground to drag Jason to Hell. Amazingly, Jessica hesitates to help Steven when the demons grab him by proxy but eventually gets her shit together, drags him to safety, and finishes the job, watching as Jason’s dragged into the ground. While Steven and Jessica walk away, shell-shocked but having rekindled their romance, Jason’s dishevelled mask is claimed by the clawed hand of Freddy Krueger (Kane Hodder), completing Jason’s descent into the netherworld.
Final Thoughts: A common criticism about the Friday the 13th franchise is often that it’s very predictable and rarely deviates from a set formula. While there’s something to be said about taking comfort in the familiar, it’s true that the formula got stale and tiresome over time. Ever since Jason become a zombie, the franchise has tried new gimmicks to put a spin on things, but Jason Goes to Hell goes above and beyond that by largely discarding everything that’s recognisably Friday the 13th, robbing it of the visual iconography of Jason and his tropes and presenting a far less interesting, much more generic horror film. It would’ve been so much better and made way more sense to have Jason’s mask possess others, perhaps even transform them into a version of his misshapen form, rather than have him be this weird, demon slug-thing that may or may not be a Deadite. To make matters worse, Jason Goes to Hell suddenly introduces an extended family for Jason rather than finally shedding some light on his father, forces us to follow boring-ass Steven and flaky Jessica, and completely wastes the charisma and allure of Creighton Duke by merely making him a supporting character. There was so much potential in opening some years prior with a young Duke, having him survive an encounter with Jason, and then pursue Jason’s return (through his mask), tracking down Jason’s absent father to keep him from rebirthing Jason and perhaps defending Stephanie from Jason’s ire. Or, you know, bring someone back as Tommy Jarvis instead of creating Duke so you have that in-built history. While some of the kills are nice and gruesome, Jason’s descent into Hell was absurd, resulting in a lacklustre and nonsensical “end” for the iconic slasher, who barely appeared in the movie. Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday is a terrible send-off for the titular killer and seems embarrassed by the franchise, going out of its way to strip away everything that makes Friday the 13th fun and replacing it with Easter Eggs and so much nonsense that I doubt even avid fans of the franchise find much to like (and I should know!)
My Rating:
⭐
Rating: 1 out of 5.
Terrible
Were you disappointed by Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday? What did you think of Jason’s bizarre new look and new supernatural abilities? Were you frustrated by the body-hopping gimmick or did you find it an intriguing wrinkle in the lore? Do you agree that Creighton Duke should’ve been the main protagonist? Did you buy that Jason was dead for reals this time? Which Friday the 13th movie is your favourite? Let me know your thoughts on Friday the 13th (the movie, franchise, and day), support me on Ko-Fi, and check out my other horror content.
The Review: Set during the Advanced era of the anime (2002 to 2003) and continuing the streak of feature-length films based on the third generation of Pokémon videogames, Pokémon: Jirachi: Wish Maker sees aspiring Pokémon Master Ash Ketchum (Veronica Taylor), his partner Pokémon Pikachu (Ikue Otani), and his friends, former Rock-Type Gym Leader Brock (Eric Stuart) and siblings May (Veronica Taylor) and Max (Amy Birnbaum), take a detour from their journey across the Hoenn region to witness the Millennium Comet, which appears once every thousand years. Though initially disappointed to find the location of the advertised festival to be an empty valley, the group are amazed when a troop of vehicles pull up and quickly erect an elaborate fairground, including a huge tent for the Great Butler’s (Wayne Grayson) exciting magic show. Assisted by Diane (Megan Hollingshead), Kirlia (Unknown), and Mightyena (ibid), Butler wows the crowd by conjuring Pokémon out of thin air and Brock is immediately besotted when the magician does the same with Diane, though Max is more drawn to the mystical crystalline object in Diana’s hands. Rushing to investigate, Max and Ash are quickly roped into Butler’s show but their fifteen minutes of fame are rudely interrupted by Team Rocket – Jessie (Rachael Lillis), James (Eric Stuart), and Meowth (Maddie Blaustein) – who pose as clowns to steal some Pokémon and briefly snag Pikachu before being scuppered by Butler and his Dusclops (Unknown) to the delight of the unsuspecting audience. Impressed that Max can hear the rock’s calling, Butler lets him take the crystal and reveals it contains a sleeping Mythical Pokémon, the titular Jirachi (Kerry Williams), which is said to awaken and grant wishes for seven days while the Millennium Comet is overhead.
Max takes the spotlight as he bonds with the playful Jirachi during his brief awakening.
That night, May “sings” what’s said to be a soothing lullaby (but is just her going “doo-de-doo” over and over) to help Max sleep and inadvertently awakens Jirachi, much to Max’s delight. Although the pixie-like Pokémon fails to live up to its legend by merely teleporting objects or people when granting wishes, Max forms an immediate bond with the childlike sprite and spends every waking moment playing with Jirachi, causing some mischief when Jirachi insists on playing when the gang are supposed to be helping Butler. Max is thus horrified when a local Absol (Eric Stuart), sensing a coming calamity, suddenly attacks Jirachi and equally enraged when May insists on counting down the days on her dreamcatcher-like trinket in anticipation of making her own wish. While I’ve never been Max’s biggest fan, it is sweet seeing him take the spotlight and form a genuine friendship with Jirachi like Ash and Pikachu. Indeed, when Max lashes out at May for constantly reminding him that his time with Jirachi is short, it’s Ash who consoles him by sharing his own experience with saying goodbye to close friends and remembering them. Though Max is extremely protective of Jirachi, he’s young and easily distracted and also not a Pokémon trainer, though even his more seasoned friends are unable to keep Jirachi from being Pokénapped by Butler. Although they save Jirachi, thanks to Absol and Diane, Jirachi is left injured in the fracas, turning the movie into a brief road trip to Jirachi’s home, Forina, so it can recover. Along the way, Max and Jirachi grow closer, making their inevitable separation even harder for Max as he just wants to do is play and be with his new friend.
Humiliated by Team Magma, Butlerembarks on a misguided plot to abuse Jirachi’s power.
Unfortunately, this isn’t meant to be due to Jirachi’s nature as it routinely hibernates for a thousand years after only seven days. While this means Max’s time with Jirachi is limited, it also means Butler’s working to a very short timetable. Though appearing to be an amiable magician, Butler was once a scientist working for the nefarious Team Magma and attempted to impress them by reanimating the Legendary Pokémon Groudon from a small fossil. When his machine malfunctioned, Butler was ridiculed and excommunicated, so he plotted to awaken Jirachi and forcibly acquire the power he needed to resurrect Groudon. Butler does this by abducting Jirachi and using Dusclops to force open its “true eye”, which absorbs incredible power from the Millennium Comet and would grant Butler his wish to be acknowledged as a credible scientist. Butler’s misguided desires see him shun Diane, who’s as in love with him as he is with her, and happily endanger anyone in his path, even torturing Jirachi to achieve his ends. Butler’s aided by his fearsome Salamence (Unknown) and a slew of devices (presumably of his own making) that tie into his status as a magician. A master illusionist, Butler easily makes it seem like people and Pokémon are disappearing and even beats Ash and the others to Forina and sets up mechanical capture devices to ensnare Jirachi and properly focus its power. Butler’s Pokémon and tricks are even enough to keep the feared pseudo-Legendary Absol at bay and fend off a local Flygon (Shinichiro Miki) who helps the heroes. As is tradition for these films, Team Rocket are largely here for comic relief and have little relevance. When Jirachi awakens, they greedily follow Ash and the others to try and snag it only to end up absorbed by Butler’s abomination of a Groudon and once again relying on their enemies to save their asses.
Though fearsome, Meta Groudon is undone by Jirachi’s incredible pre-nap power.
Indeed, while Ash and the others save Jirachi from Butler’s machine, the damage has been done and a titanic, grotesque mockery of Groudon goes on a mindless rampage. Rather than being the fabled Ground-Type kaiju, this corrupted Groudon is said to be “pure evil” and sets about absorbing energy from the land, immediately decaying plant life and absorbing Pokémon and humans with its glob-like tentacles. Fearsome and completely invulnerable, this “Meta Groudon” shrugs off all attacks and absorbs anything in its path, including Absol, Team Rocket, and Diane. Horrified by what he’s unleashed and at his beloved’s fate, the remorseful Butler immediately works to reverse the damage. Though naturally distrustful of Butler, Ash agrees to help spirit Jirachi back to the magician’s machine to reverse the polarity and dispel the fake Groudon, only to be absorbed by the creature shortly before preparing his machine. Drawn to Jirachi’s energy, Meta Groudon begins to melt to try and drown the pixie-like Pokémon, only for Jirachi to successfully absorb natural energy and unleash Doom Desire, rocketing Meta Groudon into the night sky where it explodes like a firework, freeing its captives. Upon reuniting with his new friends, the exhausted Jirachi asks Max to sing the lullaby to send it back into hibernation and, though distraught to say goodbye, Max and the others willingly oblige. Thus, Jirachi turns back into a crystalline form, though Max consoles himself with the knowledge that his friend will always be with him. In the aftermath, a repentant Butler vows to recommit himself to more tangible matters, like his relationship with Diane, having learned to value what really matters in life. Though upset to have missed her chance at making a wish, May agrees with Ash that the best way to make dreams come true is to keep pursuing them, ending the film on a heart-warming message about never giving up on your goals and never forgetting your friends.
Final Thoughts: I’ll admit that I’m slightly biased when it comes to Pokémon: Jirachi: Wish Maker. I much prefer it when the Pokémon movies have high stakes and big, explosive battles between fearsome Legendary Pokémon. It also really bugs me that we never got a movie pitting Groudon, Kyogre, and Rayquaza against each other as that could’ve made for an awesome, world threatening adventure. I’m also not a big fan of Max, who’s especially bratty here, or Jirachi, a relatively weak and largely forgettable Pokémon compared to some of its peers. Still, I don’t necessarily hate this film. It lovingly explores the nature of friendship through Max’s relationship with Jirachi, which is seen as whimsical and carefree but doomed to end in heartache as Jirachi’s time awake is so limited. There’s a meaningful lesson about enjoying the time you have, being mature enough to say goodbye, and always remembering your friends even if they’re gone and this ties in nicely with Butler’s character arc. Shunned and humiliated by Team Magma, Butler becomes obsessed with proving his intellectual superiority, forsaking everything to achieve his goal, only to be horrified when his wish comes true and results in catastrophe. Meta Groudon is a frightening presence that’s sadly underutilised and easily dispatched but results in a pretty intense finale as it wrecks the natural landscape and threatens our heroes, though I still would’ve preferred to see the real Groudon or at least seen this corrupted version battle something more interesting than an Absol. Pokémon: Jirachi: Wish Maker is one of a handful of the features that’s clearly aimed at a different, younger audience than myself and I can accept that, but it doesn’t mean I have to like missing out on what could’ve been. While there’s a heart-warming message here and some fun visuals and moments, it’s not enough for me to say this is one of the better Pokémon movies and it’s ultimately forgettable when you consider some of its messages were told far better in other films and episodes.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
What did you think to Pokémon: Jirachi: Wish Maker? Do you prefer the more action-packed Pokémon movies? Did you like the focus on Max and his relationship with Jirachi? Were you also disappointed that we never got a true Groudon in the films? Which Pokémon game, generation, and creature is your favourite and why? How are you celebrating National Pokémon Day today? Whatever your thoughts, leave a comment below and donate to my Ko-Fi to fund more Pokémon content on the site.
Long considered an unlucky daydue to superstitions involving the number thirteen and religious connotations, Friday the 13th is equally well-known as a long-running series of slasher movies. As a result, this is clearly the best opportunity to take a look at the Friday the 13th(Various, 1980 to 2009) horror series and to commemorate this unlucky and dreaded date.
Released: 28 July 1989 Director: Rob Hedden Distributor: Paramount Pictures
The Review: After being trapped beneath Crystal Lake at the end of The New Blood, undead maniac Jason Voorhees has again passed into legend, spoken of as a bogeyman to locals like Jim Miller (Todd Shaffer) and Suzy Donaldson (Tiffany Paulsen). As the high school seniors canoodle on a small yacht on the clearly freezing cold lake, they have no idea that Jason’s rotting corpse is trapped below. After giving Suzy a scare with a heavily truncated version of Jason’s backstory and donning an incredibly faithful replica of the killer’s mask, Jim nonchalantly drops anchor, snagging an underwater power line and resurrected Jason through the power of electricity. Pissed after having his nap disturbed, Jason climbs aboard and slaughters the two, disconnecting the anchor and accidentally drifting away from Crystal Lake and to the Big Apple! Oh no, wait, that doesn’t happen as that would actually make sense and deliver on the title! Instead, Jason sneaks onto the nearby SS Lazarus, a steamship chartered to take Jim and Suzy’s fellow graduates to New York City. Unseen by all except a crazed deck hand (Alex Diakun), whose warnings naturally go unheeded, Jason picks off a new batch of unsuspecting and largely horny twenty-somethings teenagers. While the ship is populated by colourful, if painfully one-dimensional characters, our main protagonist and ultimate “Final Girl” is Rennie Wickham (Jensen Daggett), a somewhat withdrawn and quiet girl with a crippling fear of water. After losing her parents as a child, Rennie was raised by her uncle, Doctor Charles McCulloch (Peter Mark Richman), an uptight and demanding authoritarian who doubles as the school’s Biology teacher and is aghast when Rennie’s English teacher, Colleen Van Deusen (Barbara Bingham), encourages Rennie to make the trip to face her fears alongside her dog, Toby (Ace).
Haunted by a past encounter with Jason, Rennie struggles with her fears and overprotective uncle.
Charles is extremely overprotective of Rennie, aggressively dismissing Sean Robertson (Scott Reeves) from pursuing Rennie and shielding her at all times, often to Rennie’s detriment. Charles is so focused on laying down the law he completely misses that Rennie has a psychic connection to Jason, whom Chrles regards as a long dead superstition. It’s later revealed that young Rennie (Amber Pawlick) had a particularly harrowing experience when her uncle pushed her into Crystal Lake to force her to learn how to swim. Scared by her uncle’s warnings that young Jason (Tim Mirkovich) would drag her under, young Rennie encountered (or possibly imagined) the mongoloid grabbing her leg, leaving her deathly afraid of water and haunted by visions of the drowning Jason begging for help. This aspect isn’t explored much and seems to be a manifestation of Rennie’s fear of water rather than a true connection to Jason. It’s a bit of a shame as it might’ve been a nice twist for Jason to pursue Rennie either to silence the voices in his head or to finish the job he started as a boy, though this latter idea is equally perplexing as Jason was never trapped in the lake as a child so I assume the lake is haunted by his spirit? It’s quite muddy and open to interpretation, but also barely utilised, which is a shame as Rennie could’ve used the character development. Sean is similarly uncharismatic, simply being a handsome young man to protect and worry about Rennie. He gets some wrinkles thanks to the pressure put upon him by his father, Admiral John Robertson (Warren Munson), which sees Sean reject his father’s expectations and then unconvincingly try to maintain order once Jason’s rampage is discovered. I quite liked the close relationship Rennie shared with Coleen, who encourages her passion for writing and stands up to Charles, but none of these aspects are as entertaining or as interesting as they could be as they’re just window-dressing to the carnage.
In a boat load of one-dimensional victims, Julius shines as a charismatic stand out.
Unsurprisingly, the kids aboard the SS Lazarus are largely there to look good and die in creative (if severely butchered) ways. There are some clichés, of course, such as bitchy Tamara Mason (Sharlene Martin), who uses film nerd Wayne Webber (Martin Cummins) to blackmail Charles, purposely shoves Rennie overboard out of spite, and flaunts her sexuality in front of any good-looking guy she sees. Tamara is joined by Eva Watanabe (Kelly Hu), who initially tries to emulate her but cuts ties with her after the Rennie incident but doesn’t really do anything else. They perv on boxers Jason Newston (David Jacox) and standout character Julius Gaw (V.C. Dupree), whose whole thing is…well, boxing. Yet, Julius stands out as he defies Charles’s attempts to take control when the bodies pile up, grabs a shotgun to chase Jason, and is eager to confront two street punks (Sam Sarkar and Michael Benyaer) when they abduct Rennie in New York. Julius has far more charisma than bland-ass Sean, stealing every scene with his easy-going, snarky attitude and even daring to go one-on-one with Jason, despite being outmatched. Jason’s victims are rounded out by rocker J.J. Jarrett (Saffron Henderson), who could’ve been a cool, colourful addition but is instead reduced to being his incredibly underdeveloped first victim, and a bunch of forgettable, interchangeable students and ship workers who are either taken out by Jason or left to drown when he scuppers the Lazarus. It’s crazy that the film not only drops the ball on its title but also does nothing interesting with a boat full of horny, drunken, stoned students. We barely see them interacting in a social setting, there is no sex and barely any sexual activity between them beyond Tamara’s unsuccessful seduction of Charles, and all we ever see them do is wander the ship or react to whatever new problem Jason’s caused.
Sadly, Jason’s hampered by some butchered kills, an awful look, and by barely being in New York.
By this point, this is largely to be expected as Jason was the established star by this eighth movie. There’s no sense of dread or suspense to Jason as we clearly see him enter scenes or follow him as he stalks his prey with a hulking menace, sadly all while sporting an obvious visual downgrade from the last film. Depicted as strangely white and constantly wet and slimy, Jason sloshes his way though the ship seemingly at random, bashing J.J.’s head in with her guitar, thrusting a steaming hot sauna rock into Jason’s stomach, slitting Admiral Robertson’s throat (and leaving him propped up against the wheel for Sean to find), and stabbing Tamara with a mirror shard. Very few of these deaths are shown, of course, leaving us with a glimpse of the bloody aftermath. Much of Jason’s terror relies on jump scares as he now blatantly teleports from scene to scene to ambush his victims or get ahead of them, even when clearly seen to be some distance away seconds before. This ability is kind of fun and speaks to Jason’s unstoppable nature, but also inconsistent as he choses to pursue Rennie and Sean through New York rather than simply teleporting ahead. There are some interesting changes to Jason’s character, though, such as his legend evolving into a warning for inexperience swimmers and him apparently being both a physical force and a grotesque apparition that lurks under Crystal Lake and haunts Rennie. This child-like form constantly changes in every appearance, becoming more monstrous as the film goes on, and is always begging for help, tying into Jason as a tragic horror villain. However, this plot thread goes nowhere and means nothing. There’s no sense that Jason is trying to reunite with or destroy his boyish spirit, or that his child self is trying to help Rennie. Her psychic connection to Jason seems to lure him to her and even has him accidentally saving her from being raped, but that’s about it, making it a bizarre inclusion.
Jason meets a lacklustre end in the sewers courtesy of a flood of toxic waste.
Indeed, we’re almost encouraged to celebrate Jason’s actions, especially once the survivors reach Vancouver New York and it’s revealed just how much of a bastard Charles is. Sure, it’s sad to see Jason smash Julius’s head off and how casually he throttles Eva and shockingly (pun intended) seeing him toss Wayne’s body into the ship’s electricals, but he also murders the gang bangers who dose Rennie with…something (I assume it’s heroin?) and threaten to rape her. It takes a good hour or so for Jason to reach New York, and then another ten to fifteen minutes for him to escape the dingy docks and back alleys and stalk through Times Square. These were some great shots and it’s fun seeing Jason walk the streets, smash through a diner, and ride the subway all while barely attracting a glance from the disinterested New Yorkers. Sadly, as many have stated, Jason doesn’t “take” Manhattan in the slightest and is barely seen in the iconic city as the film spends more time pissing away the boat premise and having the survivors flee through alleys and sewers. Desperate to escape Jason, Rennie and Sean head into the surprisingly spacious sewer tunnels, only to learn that they flood with toxic waste every midnight (because…of course they do!) Since Jason decides not to employ his teleporting powers, this leads to a somewhat tense chase and a somewhat horrifying moment when Rennie tosses toxic waste into Jason’s face and leaves him a mewling, semi-skeletal wreck that’s somehow his worst unmasked appearance. As Sean and Rennie struggle with a sewer grate, Jason staggers after them, only to be swamped by the toxic waste, him somehow spewing up vile liquid and crying for his mother as he’s hit. The toxic waste melts Jason and washes his remains away, leaving Rennie with a vision of his unconscious child form to symbolise her overcoming her fears (I guess?) Rennie and Sean then reunite with Toby and are left wandering New York, apparently having defeated Jason in the most mediocre way possible.
Final Thoughts: Fun fact: This was the second Friday the 13thfilm I ever saw, after Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (McLoughlin, 1986), so I’ve always had a touch of nostalgia for it. However, even I cannot defend this one. The franchise had well and truly run out of steam and ideas by this point and that’s reflected in the desperate decision to try something new. Ironically, placing Jason on a ship or in a big city could’ve been really good ideas if the film had committed to them and done them in interesting ways. I almost understand how restrictive it would be having Jason wander around New York without much purpose but promising that and then confining him to a boat was a ridiculous decision. The main portion of the film might’ve been fun if they boat had been livelier, full of sex and drink and over the top characters doing horny teenage things, all while Charles scowls in the background and Jason brutalises the kids one by one. Instead, the setting is as wasted as the city scenes, which are so obviously not in New York that it makes you wonder why the filmmakers bothered. It’s such a shame as there are some good ideas here, such as Jason’s legend having different layers, Rennie’s connection to him, and the suggestion that there’s some kind of bond between them. However, none of that is developed in a meaningful way so it feels like a waste of time, especially as Rennie is such a boring character despite her past trauma. While Kane Hodder physically embodies the role like no other, Jason looks awful here, especially when unmasked, and the kills are completely forgettable save for Julius having his head knocked off. I imagine even die-hard Friday the 13thfans struggle to defend this one, which is such a let-down in every sense of the word that you’re better off skipping it and watching any of the previous entries instead.
My Rating:
⭐
Rating: 1 out of 5.
Terrible
Do you agree that Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan is one of the worst in the franchise? If you consider it a guilty pleasure…why? Were you disappointed that Rennie’s past/psychic connection with Jason wasn’t explored more? Which of kills was your favourite and what did you think to Jason’s demise? How annoyed were you to find that Jason barely spends any time in New York? Which Friday the 13th film are you watching today? Use the comments below to tell me what you thought of Jason Takes Manhattan, support me on Ko-Fi, and check out my other horror content.
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