Author: Dr. K

Game Corner [Global James Bond Day]: 007 Legends (Xbox 360)

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To celebrate the release of the first of many filmic outings for James Bond, October 5th is officially recognised as “Global James Bond Day”.

Released: 16 October 2012
Developer: Eurocom
Metacritic Scores: 45 / 4.6

Also Available For: Nintendo Wii, PC, and PlayStation 3

Quick Facts:
After James Bond 007: Blood Stone (Bizarre Creations, 2010) eased the sting of Activision’s poorly received GoldenEye 007 (Rare, 1997) reimagining, Activision were keen to develop a new title to coincide with the franchise’s 50th anniversary. Built on their pre-existing game engine, 007 Legends saw Daniel Craig lend his likeness to six classic James Bond adventures alongside some returning faces. Sadly, 007 Legends was widely criticised for its repetitive gameplay, awful stealth mechanics, and slapdash narrative. Though the multiplayer options were praised and the game was bolstered by an additional downloadable mission, 007 Legends is largely considered to be one of the worst 007 videogames ever made.

Gameplay and Power-Ups:
007 Legends is an infamous first-person shooter (FPS) in which players revisit truncated and largely reimagined versions of five classic James Bond films – Goldfinger (Hamilton, 1964), On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (Hunt, 1969), Licence to Kill (Glen, 1989), Die Another Day (Tamahori, 2002), and Moonraker (Gilbert, 1979) – in the guise of the Daniel Craig version of the character, completing anywhere from one to three missions for each. You might be wondering why the films are ordered like that and that’s a great question. The films are presented as flashbacks Bond relives during a near-death experience in Skyfall (Mendes, 2012) and, as such, there’s nothing cohesive linking them together (beyond some recurring characters) and no logic behind presenting Moonraker last except to have a finale in space!! Anyone who’s played Activision’s previous Bond videogames, or the Call of Duty franchise (Various, 2003 to present) will recognise 007 Legends’ control scheme and basic gameplay mechanics, though you can select different presets. By default, players jump and hop vault over low walls with A (though be careful as Bond takes fall damage!), crouch behind cover or to sneak up on enemies with B, reload with X and hold X to interact with the environment (to open doors, activate switches, or hack terminals), and switch weapons with Y (double-tapping it to quickly whip out Bond’s signature Walther P99). The Right Trigger fires while the Right Bumper tosses your primary explosive. The Left Trigger aims down your sights (and offers a partial lock-on when used correctly) and the Left Bumper throws your secondary explosive. You can briefly sprint by pressing in the left stick, perform melee attacks and quick takedowns by pressing in the right stick, and use the directional pad (D-pad) to activate gadgets and add-ons. These apply a silencer to your weapon, whip out Bond’s multi-use dart gun, use his wristwatch as a radar or to disable security cameras, or pull out his smartphone to hack terminals or scan the environment using different filters.

Whether you go in all guns blazing or use stealth, you can upgrade Bond’s abilities with XP.

Players can pick between “Modern” or “Classic” health systems, with the former seeing Bond’s health regenerate if he avoids damage for a time and the latter having him collect med-kits and body armour. Bond has an array of weapons (though he can only hold three at a time), with many found in MI6 cases scattered throughout each environment. You can utilise various pistols, from the standard Walther P99 and its variants to the high-impact Iguana .44, close-quarters shotguns like the Camara US6 and super fun Drumhead Type-12, and different sniper rifles (one boasting an infrared filter) for long-range combat. You’ll also grab different Moonraker Laser rifles (which boast infinite ammo), a rocket launcher, various grenades and mines, and a wide assortment of submachine guns and assault rifles. While these are great for thinning out hordes of enemies, many quicky burn through their magazines or are widely inaccurate, though you can compensate for this by purchasing upgrades with experience points (XP). Each weapon and weapon group as an “XP Challenge” tied to it where you’re awarded XP for “eliminating” different numbers of enemies or performing headshots and such. This XP is spent in the XP store to either upgrade Bond’s maximum health, durability, recovery time, sneaking ability, weapon switching and such or on attachments for each weapon class. You can buy bigger magazines, silencers, scopes, stocks, laser sights, a rapid-fire mode and more, however you can only apply three upgrades at a time to each weapon (and to Bond). Bond will also take the controls of a mounted mini gun during On Her Majesty’s Secret Service to mow down Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s minions and can use his dart gun to subdue, shock, or distract enemies. Although largely optional, some areas force you to stealthily avoid enemies or cameras, subduing them with takedowns, your silenced pistol, or your dart gun. This was incredibly aggravating in Licence to Kill, where guards and scientists kept spotting me, but was surprisingly easy in Moonraker. It’s generally beneficial to use stealth when prompted to avoid being set upon by reinforcements and to earn additional XP.

Sadly, there’s more focus on hacking than driving or exhilarating gameplay mechanics.

007 Legends quickly establishes its repetitive gameplay loop, tasking you with gunning down various guards or sneaking through areas, liaising with or fighting alongside non-playable characters (NPCs), and exploring various offices. As was the style for Bond videogames, Bond’s smartphone is a key component as you must either photograph evidence or use the camera’s different filters to locate hidden switches (and thereby hidden doors) or analyse objects of interest. You’ll also hack many devices using the phone, holding LT and RT to keep each bar blue or rotating coloured circles to complete a circuit, or rotating segments on Bond’s watch to crack safes. In Moonraker, you must wander through side doors and laboratories, sneaking through ventilation shafts to disable security turrets, while Licence to Kill relies far more on critical stealth sections. You’ll often follow or fight alongside the likes of Felix Leiter and Giacinta Johnson/Jinx and these guys more than hold their own, gunning down guards (occasionally alongside soldiers or marines) and leading you in the right direction. Other times, you must protect your ally, covering Doctor Holly Goodhead or Pam Bouvier as they said you. As far as I could see, these missions only fail if you die or leave the area as your allies seem invulnerable, though I could be wrong. Licence to Kill and Die Another Day offer two driving sections, with you holding RT to accelerate, pressing LT to break, and executing a handbrake turn with A. In Die Another Day, you use the D-pad to activate threat indicators, traction control, and the car’s missile lock-on systems (fired with B). Moonraker’s finale is played entirely in zero gravity, with you flailing about using A and B to ascend or descend and destroying Hugo Drax’s space station turrets. Finally, some enemies and nearly every boss is fought in a janky first-person fist fight sequence that basically amounts to a quick-time event (QTE). You must use the left or right stick, LT and/or RT, or tap A when promptly to land blows, parry, block incoming attacks, and disarm your foes.

Objectives and gameplay mechanics quickly become tedious as the game lacks innovation.

Naturally, every mission is loaded with a few objectives, with Bond having to complete more depending on what difficulty you’re playing. Secondary objectives also pop up, earning you additional XP, and your accuracy, completion count, and performance is ranked at the end of each mission for more XP. The onscreen radar and compass guide you towards your primary objective, but secondary ones must be sought out yourself and range from successfully bypassing enemies and cameras without triggering the alarms, analysing samples, destroying Blofeld’s anti-aircraft defences, and taking out Franz Sanchez’s terrorist cronies. You’ll hold X to open doors and plant bombs, analyse nerve gas, download data from terminals, plant tracking devices, gun down enemies, take out snipers, and automatically switch to night vision to explore certain areas. This is most prominent in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, where Bond and Marc-Ange Draco explore Blofeld’s maze-like lair to find Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo/Tracy. This mission also begins with a high-speed ski sequence where you frantically dodge trees and rocks and take out Blofeld’s jet-skiing minions and helicopters to catch up to Tracy (easier said than done). Some objectives are timed, such as when you enter serial numbers into terminals in Moonraker to stop Drax launching his poison pods, or when you race into Gustav Graves’ jet, or a nail-biting escape from Drax’s shuttle launch that I barely cleared! Die Another Day starts with you mingling around and investigating Graves’ ice hotel alongside Jinx then taking out his guards in his impressive biodome before dodging lasers from his Icarus satellite and mortars from Zao. Occasionally, players “breach” areas, setting off a slow-motion sequence where you gun down everyone in sight, or you must shoot overhead pipes to dose flames blocking your way. Other times, you can interact with the environment to cause distractions or take out enemies. Some missions take nearly an hour to get through while others last about ten minutes, some rely more on stealth or shooting, and others take your weapons and gadgets away entirely in a desperate attempt to keep things fresh.

Presentation:
007 Legends continues to trend set by GoldenEye 007: Reloaded (Eurocom, 2001) in replacing past Bond actors with Daniel Craig (likeness only here) and having his stoic, no-nonsense Bond relieve classic Bond adventures. Although Timothy Watson does a striking job emulating Craig, his delivery is robotic to the point of apathy, robbing iconic Bond lines like “Do you expect me to talk?” of all their gravitas. All of Bond’s returning villains are modelled after their respective actors (except for Blofeld, who’s modelled after the Donald Pleasance incarnation) as are some of his allies, meaning Michael Lonsdale, Richard Kiel, and Toby Stephens all return alongside the voices and/or likenesses or Carey Lowell, Gert Fröbe, Honor Blackman. Oddly, while Dame Judi Dench, Naomie Harris, Rory Kinnear all return, Jeffrey Wright is recast as Felix Leiter, completely ruining even a slight chance that this game is supposed to fit into Craig’s Bond canon. Bond isn’t seen often but, when he is, he’s little more than a marionette, like his supporting cast. Lacking Halle Berry’s allure and charisma, Jinx is robbed of any memorable characteristics, characters simply go through their motions with little fanfare, and line deliveries are about as disinterested as the soundalike score, which evokes some of the memorable Bond themes but never fully commits to any. The game feels very slapped together, with each mission providing very little context and relying on the player already being familiar with these Bond movies. This might be fine if they didn’t change some elements around, such as Pam infiltrating Sanchez’s organisation in Licence to Kill and ignoring Graves’ true origins in Die Another Day. The flashback bookends and interludes are a cheap way to tie these stories together and I would’ve much preferred that the developers try to rewrite these movies into a cohesive narrative, perhaps using Quantum as a common thread (as the rights to the Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion (SPECTRE) were still up in the air at this time).

The game does a decent job of reimaging classic locations and characters despite some inconsistencies.

On the plus side, 007 Legends does as commendable a job as GoldenEye 007: Reloaded at updating and reimagining locations from each movie. Things start off pretty strong, recreating the gold-painted Jill Masterson and dropping Bond outside Auric Goldfinger’s Swiss airbase (which is alive with guards and explosions). Players eventually storm Fort Knox alongside Leiter and some troops, battling down to the vault and encountering the same bomb as in the movie, and eventually confront Goldfinger on his private jet just like in the finale. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service sees you racing down the Swiss Alps and launching an all-out assault on a faithfully recreated version of Blofeld’s mountainside lair, complete with brainwashing bedrooms and underground laboratories. Licence to Kill starts you at the ruins of an Otomi temple, where you stealthily take down guards to infiltrate Sanchez’s elaborate drug operation. This, again, closely mirrors the film but is obviously expanded to incorporate the heavy reliance on stealth in this mission. Licence to Kill ends with you securing a helicopter, chasing Sanchez’s truck on a highway, and even mounting it to take out pursuing Humvees. Die Another Day impressed considerably with its near-identical recreation of Graves’ ice palace, which featured a gaggle of NPCs at the bar, bedrooms and offices, and leads to a man-made jungle environment housed within a high-tech biodome. The laser cutters and ice field Bond drives across even return, as does the finale within Graves’ jet. Moonraker continues this trend, recreating Drax’s ridiculous henchmen and their yellow jumpsuits and seeing Bond sneak through his astronaut training facility, complete with gyrospheres, treadmills, and spare suits. Bond and Dr. Goodhead must escape a launching shuttle’s exhaust flames and sneak aboard another shuttle to board Drax’s space station, where the Earth, other shuttles, and a full-blown laser battle take place in the void outside. This was probably the most visually impressive section, however I did encounter a dramatic and nearly game-breaking period of slowdown during my playthrough. Textures also often warped or popped in out of nowhere, and enemies tended to comically ragdoll when shot.

Enemies and Bosses:
You’ll gun down a small continent’s worth of nameless, faceless, repetitive goons in 007 Legends, each of whom appear slightly different depending on who they’re working for but all follow predictable behaviours. Enemies patrol laboratories, facilities, and areas in a pre-set loop, becoming alerted to your presence if they spot dead bodies or you make too much noise. They call for reinforcements by triggering alarms (which sometimes instantly fails the mission), though you can negate this by disabling overhead cameras or quietly subduing them. Scientists and other NPCs also alert guards if they spot you, costing you the mission or kicking off a gun fight, and enemies are more than capable of taking and firing over cover, opening doors, and climbing ladders to pursue you. If you linger in one spot for too long, enemies toss grenades that can be tricky to avoid, though you can throw your own or blast explosive barrels to take out large groups. Enemies wield machine guns, pistols, and even rocket launchers, firing from afar like the ever-annoying snipers (distinguishable by their laser sights). As you progress, enemies wear more obvious body armour, necessitating the use of more powerful weapons, and they’ll even shred you with mounted guns and hit you if you get close. Occasionally, random guards will surprise you and force a fist fight, often with one or both of you swinging a pole or a wrench or something, which can be annoying as these fights quickly get tedious. Very rarely, enemies will race around in Humvees or on jet skis or attack from helicopters, rappelling down or firing from above and requiring you to blast them from the sky with a rocket launcher. I found Drax’s laser-firing goons particularly difficult to tag in Moonraker thanks to the disorientating zero-gravity, Graves’ suited-up bodyguards were surprisingly durable, and the security turrets will cut you to ribbons unless you disable them.

Every boss is fought in a tedious and all-too-easy fist fight and QTE sequence.

Any time an enemy forces a fist fight, this essentially counts as a mini boss, I guess, or a reminder of the clunky fighting mechanics for the real bosses. In Goldfinger, this means throwing hands with Goldfinger’s stout, mute bodyguard/assassin, Oddjob. Just like in the movie, you swing a pole at Oddjob and must dodge his razor-sharp hat (which instantly kills if you don’t react to the QTE fast enough). Like every fist fight, though, it’s a simple affair made even easier as Bond finishes Oddjob in a cutscene, though you must remember to hit LT to send Goldfinger packing. After cutting down Blofeld’s soldiers and beating up his goons hidden throughout his lair, you’ll get into a fist fight with SPECTRE’s head honcho in a cable car. Blofeld throws hands and an axe, which you must parry and then take from him, but it’s the same fight you have every time, just dragged out more. Similarly, after making it through aggravating critical stealth sections in Sanchez’s drug lab, you fight his sadistic right-hand, Dario, who swings a pole and ends up falling into the machinery. You must then succeed a QTE on Sanchez’s tanker truck and fist fight him, too, parrying his machete when prompted. Die Another Day mixes things up by having you race from and then fire missiles at Zao across the ice, dodging his mortars and Icarus lasers. Though the mission again ends in a fist fight, Graves is at least wearing his ridiculous cybernetic suit and you must complete a few more QTEs to dodge his electrical blasts. Moonraker not only employs aggravating critical stealth sections but has you circumventing and disabling overhead turrets to infiltrate Drax’s operation, where you’re naturally attacked by Jaws. You must tap A to avoid being bitten, tap RT to toss a screwdriver at him to save Dr. Goodhead, bash his head with a metal pole, and finally hit RT to electrocute him. When pursuing Drax, Bond must float around destroying six mechanical arms to stop his poison pods launching, which is tricky because of his disorientating zero-gravity is, the enemies firing at you, and the small window you have to attack the arms. You can destroy the pods as well, but the gas will chip away at your health, and this is basically it as Drax is finished in a cutscene.

Additional Features:
There are fifty Achievements in 007 Legends and most of them are pretty easy to obtain, meaning this is the only real reason to play the game. You’ll get an Achievement for finishing each movie and two for finishing on “Agent” difficulty or higher or using “Classic” mode. You get another Achievement for fully upgrading one weapon, gadget, and buying all of Bond’s health and gameplay buffs, another for earning 10,000 XP, and another for scoring “eliminations” with every weapon class. There’s a bullshit but also amusing 0G Achievement, another for photographing Graves’ alligator and completing the Die Another Day driving section without gadgets, and another for sending Drax’s gyrosphere haywire. Every location has intel and biographical items hidden in it, usually in the bad guy’s office, which you must collect for additional Achievements and to unlock character bios and models. You can also view concept and production art, input cheat codes (mostly to unlock multiplayer extras), and tackle various “trials” for each mission and difficulty. These task you with having high accuracy, finishing each mission in a set time, utilising stealth, and amassing certain “eliminations” for a higher score, more XP, and a handful of Achievements. Similarly, you can take on the “Challenge” mode to revisit missions with less resources or certain restrictions in place. 007 Legends also offers local multiplayer (I assume the online functionality is long gone), featuring additional classic characters and some familiar gameplay modes, such as a free-for-all, capture the flag, team-based gameplay, limiting your lives, or offering more points for using the fabled Golden Gun. Though no longer available, there was also an extremely short, downloadable Skyfall mission (that had no new Achievements) that saw you pursuing the Patrice on a motorcycle (in first-person, no less) across the rooftops and through the streets and buildings of Istanbul, tracking the assassin to a skyscraper, and using cover to engage in a shoot-out against his sniping skills rather than offering another fist fight.

Final Thoughts:
I’d heard all about how bad 007 Legends was and, having been disappointed by Activision’s previous James Bond videogames, I was very reluctant to try it for myself, especially as it’s priced too high for its reputation and the Skyfall mission is now lost media. However, I finally relented, reasoning that the Achievements would be worth my time and it couldn’t be all that bad. Truthfully, it’s really not that terrible; it just continues the trend of these games being painfully repetitive and generic. It lacks the excitement and fun of Bond’s classic Nintendo 64 outing, fails to stand up to the celebrated (if equally uninspired) Call of Duty franchise, and, worst of all, doesn’t do anything interesting with the license. Recreating classic Bond movies was a great idea, but presenting them as disconnected, truncated flashbacks suffered by Craig’s Bond robs them of all context. While there’s some impressive attention to detail at times and fun little Easter Eggs dotted about, this is a cheap, clearly rushed celebration of the franchise that doesn’t even include an end cutscene! The shoot outs are quite fun, for the most part, but dulled considerably by the tedious hacking mini games and boring fist fight mechanics that reduce every boss to a painfully easy and tiresome slugfest. The stealth sections are even worse, raising the alarm and costing you the mission at even the slightest hint of your presence, and the pacing is all over the place, with some missions taking ages to finish and having multiple sections and others being over in the blink of an eye. The upgrade system is alright, I guess, but somewhat redundant given you can recover health, but it doesn’t take long to get everything you need. I don’t know if paying for the likenesses or the other Bond actors would’ve salvaged 007 Legends but it’s certainly a disappointing, half-assed, and forgettable experience that’s really only worth it to say you tried it and agree with the general consensus…and to add to your Gamer Score.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Do you agree that 007 Legends is one of the worst James Bond videogames? What did you think to the movies selected for the title? How do you think it holds up compared to other Bond games from this time? Did you also struggle with the critical stealth sections? What did you think to the hacking mini games and repetitive fist fights? Did you ever play the Skyfall mission? What’s your favourite James Bond game and how are you celebrating the character this month? Whatever you think about 007 Legends, please share your thoughts in the comments, check out my other James Bond content, and suggest a Bond movie or videogame for me to review by donating to my Ko-Fi.

Wrestling Recap: HBK vs. Kane (Unforgiven ’04)

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The Date: 12 September 2004
The Venue: Rose Garden; Portland, Oregon
The Stakes: No disqualification match

The Commentary: Jim “J.R.” Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler
The Referee: Unknown
Dave Meltzer’s Rating: 3.25

The Build-Up:
On 5th October 1997 (the day after my twelfth birthday and the same day as Global James Bond Day), Glenn Jacobs debuted as Kane. The Undertaker’s monstrous younger half-brother became even more unhinged when he unmasked in 2003, extending his rampage to the “Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels (who was in the midst of his celebrated comeback) by viciously crushing HBK’s throat with a steel chair. After Kane busied himself brutalising Matt Hardy and forcing his girlfriend, Lita, into marrying him and carrying his child, the disgusted Lita gleefully revealed that she’d arranged for HBK to get his revenge in this match.

The Match:
I was sceptical when Kane unmasked, primarily because the visual of his hulking, masked madman was so captivating that it made me a lifelong wrestling fan. However, this decision unquestionably reinvigorated Kane’s career and took him to new heights as a depraved psychopath. As disturbing as this period was, casting Kane as an abusive, unhinged, borderline rapist certainly made him easy to hate at the time. Eager for revenge, HBK made the first move with a quick tie up and was soon stunning Kane with some stinging chops after briefly being manhandled in a corner. While Kane countered a whip, HBK tackled him and doubled own by pounding away on Kane in the corner until the Big Red Monster toppled outside. Shawn quickly followed and deftly dodged a clothesline, causing Kane to slam his right arm into a ring post. Though Kane intercepting HBK’s top rope axehandle smash with a sharp uppercut, he noticeably favoured his right arm following the injury and made sure to use his incredible power to overwhelm Shawn and score the first near fall. However, HBK dodged Kane’s running elbow drop and sent Kane back outside, taking him down with a crossbody over the ropes when Kane distracted himself by arguing with Lita. Ever the sadist, Kane used Lita as a human shield to regain control and send HBK crashing through the Spanish announce table with a suplex.

While Kane dominated, the match fell short of expectations and lacked energy.

When Shawn kicked out of the subsequent pin attempt, Kane stomped away at him and choked him on the mat, his right arm apparently not an issue anymore, and crushed him with a sidewalk slam for another two count. Kane shut down Shawn’s comeback with a lifting choke and a bizarre neck hold that kept HBK grounded. Frustrated by Shawn’s resilience, Kane tossed him into a corner and paid for it with a desperation DDT that gave HBK the chance to hit his flying forearm and match Kane’s zombie sit-up with a kip up. However, Shawn got turned inside out off a whip into a corner and the fight spilled outside once more so Kane could bust HBK open on the ring steps and grab a steel chair. Shawn frantically fought back to avoid getting hit by the chair, only for Kane’s power to again send him outside, where HBK dodged getting crushed against the ring post and bounced Kane’s head off the same steel support. This gave HBK the opening to drop Kane and land his patented diving elbow, though Kane countered Sweet Chin Music with a big boot for a near fall. Enraged, Kane scored with his diving clothesline but Shawn hit a low blow and dropped Kane with a chair shot right to the head! Though Kane recovered first, Lita kept him from using the steel chair, distracting him long enough for Shawn to stumble up, avoid a Chokeslam, and score the win with Sweet Chin Music, which Kane naturally blamed Lita for. This was an okay match but nothing special, especially compared to Shawn’s matches with the Undertaker and considering it left HBK with a lazy eye. They didn’t really do much with the no disqualification stipulation or capitalise on HBK’s desire to avenge himself or Kane’s mean streak. Kane looked somewhat smart and dominant but was easily distracted by Lita and there wasn’t much psychology from HBK, who never targeted Kane’s injured arm and was primarily here to bounce around for the Big Red Monster.

The Aftermath:
Seemingly satisfying with his victory over Kane, Shawn Michaels pivoted his focus back towards the World Heavyweight Championship. Despite suffering a torn meniscus, HBK was healthy enough to qualify for a title match against Triple H at Taboo Tuesday, though he lost thanks to interference from Edge. Shawn returned from his injury to referee an Elimination Chamber match before helping to put Edge over at the 2005 Royal Rumble and battling Kurt Angle in a WrestleMania classic. Incredibly, despite all the awful things he’d done, Kane turned babyface in the weeks that followed when newcomer Gene Snitsky accidentally caused Lita to miscarry. After returned from filming See No Evil (Dark, 2006), Kane (with Lita now willingly in his corner) bested Snitsky at the 2005 New Year’s Revolution event. However, a messy real-life break up between Lita and Matt Hardy saw Lita turn against Kane in favour of Edge, making her disturbing and confusing relationship with Kane even more perplexing as Kane, the psychotic rapist, was firmly positioned as the wronged party!

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Were you also disappointed by HBK’s clash with Kane? Do you agree that they should’ve done more with the stipulation? Were you a fan of Kane’s unmasked rampage or do you prefer him under the mask? Who was your pick to win at the time? Were you also disturbed by Kane’s relationship with Lita? What are some of your favourite Kane matches and moments? Leave a and share your thoughts below, then donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest other Kane matches for the site.

Movie Night: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Dr. K3 Comments

Released: 11 July 2008
Director: Guillermo del Toro
Distributor: Universal Pictures

Budget: $82.5 to 85 million
Box Office: $168.3 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 86% / 71%

Quick Facts:
Despite Hellboy (del Toro, 2004) being an instant cult classic, development of a sequel stalled due to distributor issues. Working alongside Hellboy creator Mike Mignola, director Guillermo del Toro crafted an original story based more on folklore than the source material and utilised intricate practical effects, puppetry, and make-up courtesy of Spectral Motion and Filmefex. Accompanied by various tie-in media, Hellboy II was widely praised but hopes for a spin-off and a third film were ultimately dashed in favour of a reboot.

The Review:
Set about a year after Hellboy/Anung Un Rama (Ron Perlman) and his fellow monsters and humans at the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (B.P.R.D.) stopped a Lovecraftian threat from destroying the world, things have changed slightly in Hellboy’s life. He’s now in a relationship with fellow B.P.R.D. agent and pyrokinetic Elizabeth “Liz” Sherman (Selma Blair) and overseen by the fastidious Doctor Tom Manning (Jeffrey Tambor), who’s exhausted with Hellboy’s belligerent attitude and disrespect for authority. Yes, all that time the previous film spent setting up Agent John Myers (Rupert Evans) as Hellboy’s new carer is thrown out the window for a throwaway gag and Hellboy’s relationship with Manning is antagonistic again, with Manning exasperated at constantly having to cover up news reports and sightings of Hellboy. Hellboy still keeps his late adopted father, Professor Trevor Bruttenholm/Professor Broom (John Hurt), close to heart, fondly remembering childhood stories of King Balor (Roy Dotrice), king of the elves, his legendary, indestructible Golden Army, and the shaky truce King Balor forged between mythical creatures and humanity, which drove his son, Prince Nuada Silverlance (Luke Goss), into exile in disgust. Hellboy also still opposes the forces of darkness but continues to long for the spotlight, frustrated at being cooped up at B.R.P.D. headquarters and longing to be among the people he’s pledged to protect. While Manning generally placates Hellboy with treats like Cuban cigars, Hellboy openly mocks Manning’s orders and takes little heed in staying hidden, resulting in him dramatically revealing himself while he, Liz, and psychic Ichthyo sapien Abraham “Abe” Sapien (Doug Jones) investigate a mysterious massacre at an auction house, one that saw ravenous tooth fairies devour everyone present so Prince Nuada could retrieve part of his father’s lost golden crown.

When Hellboy’s longing for the spotlight backfires, he finds himself torn between two worlds.

Hellboy’s just as arrogant, irresponsible, and childish as ever, despite now being with Liz. She despairs of his cats, his oafish ways, and his longing to be liked and accepted by all, resulting in some tension between them as Hellboy can’t figure out what he’s done wrong. Unaware that Liz’s emotions are all over the place due to her being pregnant, Hellboy tries to win her over with his wit and recklessness, coming up short each time and leading to a drunken heart-to-heart between him and Abe after Abe falls for Prince Nuada’s sister, Princess Nuala (Anna Walton), and experiences his own troubles with emotion. Although Hellboy gets his wish to be in the spotlight and is initially elated to be exposed, Liz is uncomfortable with being gawked at and even Hellboy is disturbed by how the public reacts to him as they later openly hate and fear him even when he’s doing good. Hellboy feels far more comfortable in the hidden troll market, a bizarre underworld inhabited by all manner of creatures, and finds himself conflicted when Prince Nuada sics the gargantuan forest god upon him and tempts Hellboy with abandoning humanity in favour of monsters. Thanks to Professor Broom’s teachings, Hellboy stays the course, which leads to greater physical and emotional pain when the public angrily reject him and Prince Nuada mortally wounds him, forcing Liz to condemn the world to an eventual fiery end at Hellboy’s hands to save him. Hellboy is amazed to learn that he’s to “become father”, having clearly never expected that he would fulfil his beloved adopted father’s role, but is so eager to embrace the task that he quits the B.R.P.D. once the threat to the world has ended. As ever, Ron Perlman is a joy in this role, portraying Hellboy as a lovable goof who’s a little too full of himself at times, and who’s trying to do his best. He doesn’t necessarily like taking out his “own kind”, however, and is sympathetic to both sides as he walks both worlds, but always defends what is morally right for the majority in the end.

While Liz is as bland as ever, Abe shines in the spotlight faces his own romantic crisis.

Although she clearly has far better control of her powers (and better fire CGI to boot), Liz is still the weak link thanks to Selma Blair’s awkwardly wooden and vapid performance. She has no chemistry with Hellboy, or anyone for that matter, and it’s easy to forget about her or dislike her due to her temper tantrums. Despite being pregnant, she doesn’t have much to do and only really comes to the forefront when bringing the injured Hellboy to the Angel of Death (Doug Jones) to barter for his life, reversing their positions from the last film as she’s the one condemning the Earth to an apocalypse by saving her lover. On the plus side, Abe has a much larger role this time, first in accidentally discovering Liz’s pregnancy and then in how he instantly falls for Princess Nuala. While his psychic abilities, intuition, maturity, and intellect make Abe a far less volatile character than Hellboy, he’s still bashful about his feelings and struggles to express them. Hellboy tries to help him with beer and love songs, but Abe’s connection to Princess Nuala is mainly realised through their shared psychic powers. Abe is fiercely protective of Princess Nuala, despite being outmatched by Prince Nuada and his troll-like henchman, Mister Wink (Brian Steele), and somewhat compromises Hellboy’s ability to fight as any damage done to Prince Nuada is mirrored on Princess Nuala (and vice versa). This comes to a head when Prince Nuada effectively takes his sister hostage and threatens to harm her in return for the final piece of the golden crown, something Abe willingly hands over despite it meaning Prince Nuada will be able to send the Golden Army against humanity. Abe reasons that Hellboy made a similar decision to forsake the world for love in the last movie but is noticeably more naïve regarding his intentions and the trustworthiness of Prince Nuada, who never considered peace between the worlds an option.

Johann’s officious nature sees him clash with Hellboy, who struggles with the morality of his job.

Thanks to Hellboy’s recklessness, the B.R.P.D. are joined by the officious Doctor Johann Krauss (James Dodd, John Alexander, and Seth MacFarlane), a German spectre housed in a special containment suit who’s brought in to bring some order to the team. While Manning is impressed by Johann and takes every opportunity to kiss his ass, Hellboy is apathetic towards his new superior, who regards him as insubordinate, brutish, and boorish. Despite being little more than mist, Johann is more than just an intellectual as he can possess inanimate objects and even the legendary Golden Army to overwhelm foes, with this ability giving the team the leads they need to track down Prince Nuada. While we only get a vague hint towards his backstory, Johann is seen to be a very by-the-book official with little sentiment towards endangered creatures like the forest god. His concern is to the mission and the safety of humanity, though his conduct and appearance mean few give him the respect he feels he deserves. An emotional outburst from Liz triggers a core memory in Johann that sees him willingly defy orders and accompany the others to the Giant’s Causeway to save Hellboy and find Prince Nuada, and he also quits the B.R.P.D. alongside Hellboy, Abe, and Liz after rediscovering his humanity and compassion. Johann seems nonplussed at the public’s reaction towards him but is equally out of his element in the troll market, where he’s explicitly ignored by the locals. Few of these colourful creatures are forthcoming with aid towards Hellboy and the others, however, requiring physical coercion to give up clues or, in the case of the legless Bethmoora Goblin (John Alexander), a trinket to offer help.

A complex villain, Prince Nuada desperately wants to reclaim a world who beauty has been ruined by humanity.

Returning from a self-imposed exile, Prince Nuada has only grown more disgusted with humanity, whom he sees as weak, violent, and ignorant to the fantastical nature of the world. While he loves his father, Prince Nuada is repulsed by the old elf clinging to ways long forgotten by mankind and seeks to remind them of what dwells in the shadows and beneath their feet, regretfully murdering King Balor to kick-start his search for the golden crown. Despite his convictions, Prince Nuada is deeply devoted to his sister, with the two of them sharing a psychic bond and feeling each other’s pain. Even his love for Princess Nuala isn’t enough to keep Prince Nuada from slaughtering those in his way using either henchmen like Mr. Wink or creatures like the tooth fairies, or his own adept skills with a sword or spear. While Hellboy is brutish and undisciplined, Prince Nuada moves like the wind, deftly defying gravity and moving with a grace and speed that is as deadly as it is beautiful. Crucially, Prince Nuada isn’t some cackling villain; he’s deeply offended that his kind have been forgotten and wishes only for his people to rise from the shadows once more. He genuinely offers Hellboy and Abe a place in his new kingdom and is dismayed when they reject him, kill his underlings, and side with the humans, who he feels are dishonourable and unworthy of the world. Prince Nuada’s link with his sister gives him an edge, allowing him to track her, uncover the golden crown, and use her as leverage to hold off Hellboy’s attacks, but he’s more than capable of defending himself, refusing to yield even in defeat. His goal is the Golden Army, “70×70” mechanical warriors that near-instantly repair any damage and form the most formidable army ever conceived, one so awesome that it terrified even King Balor and saw him repent his destructive crusade, one that Prince Nuada seeks to resume.

A fantastic emphasis on practical effects and puppets makes this world more vibrant and tangible than ever.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army is a triumph of practical effects and puppetry. Hellboy looks as great as ever lumbering about in his big trenchcoat and exuded a surprising amount of humanity behind the demonic make-up, and Abe remains disturbingly beautiful with his fish-like appearance. I liked the steampunk vibes of Johann’s containment suit, which also cropped up in the troll market and in Mr. Wink, a hulking brute who sports a detachable mechanical fist. Mr. Wink is almost a dark mirror of Hellboy, being brutish and stubborn and attacking first rather than thinking things through, which leads to his undoing. The movie places far more emphasis on the fantastical nature of Hellboy’s world, spotlighting trolls, goblins, and other forgotten mythical creatures that lurk beneath the city streets. Each is brought to life using intricate and impressive practical effects and animatronics, with Doug Jones lending his unique physicality to roles like the slender Chamberlain and the disturbing, gaunt Angel of Death, a skeletal figure with tattered dark wings sporting eyeballs! Brian Steele should also be commended for his work as the Fragglewump and other roles, while the forest elemental brought the fantasy world into the city streets with a beautiful, tragic appearance that sees Hellboy forced to blow its “brains” out, its carcass growing grass and wildflowers across the concrete jungle. Hellboy busts out a massive hand cannon to begrudgingly do this, though has surprisingly few other new toys. Hellboy still largely relies on his sidearm, massive stone fist, and a bit of luck and adaptability to get through most fights. He’s overpowered by Mr. Wink, for example, but smartly tricks the troll into getting his chain-fist stuck in a grinder. However, Hellboy’s tendency to hit first and think or ask questions later is easily exploited by Johann, who amusingly possesses some lockers to humble Hellboy, and sees him outclassed by the far more skilled Prince Nuada.

Though Hellboy stops Prince Nuada, the cost is high and he decides to rethink his priorites.

Thanks to his psychic bond with his sister, Prince Nuada infiltrates the B.R.P.D. and critically wounds Hellboy, taking Princess Nuala hostage to force them to bring him the last crown piece. An unexpected assist from Johann sees Hellboy saved and he, Liz, Abe, and Johann defy Manning’s orders and travel to the Giant’s Causeway, where the Angel of Death heals Hellboy ahead of them being led to the abandoned resting place of the Golden Army. Though shocked when Abe willingly hands over the crown piece, Hellboy and the others quickly focus on fending off the reactivated mechanical warriors, initially seeming to have a chance against the Golden Army before the group sees the robots piece themselves back together. As the only way to stop the Golden Army is for a suitable challenger to dispute Prince Nuada’s claim to them, Hellboy flaunts his status as Anung Un Rama to challenge Prince Nuada, promising Abe to leave the disgruntled elf alive to safeguard Princess Nuala. The two battle atop an elaborate clockwork set, hopping to giant moving cogs that threaten to crush them, with Hellboy being clearly outclassed by the agile prince, who bests him at every turn. However, Hellboy’s craftiness sees him catch Prince Nuada from behind and overpower him, bringing him to his knees. Though Prince Nuada demands to be executed and promises to never stop his quest to destroy the human world, Hellboy retrieves the crown and is happy to leave him alive but defeated, only for the prince to try stabbing Hellboy in the back. Thus, Princess Nuala’s forced to kill herself to stop her brother, the two dying regretfully and somewhat emotionally in Hellboy and Abe’s arms, respectively. After Liz melts the crown and the group returns to the surface, they make a point to resign from the B.P.R.D., sick of the conflict between man and monster, and Hellboy prepares to start a new life with Liz and their forthcoming twins.

Final Thoughts:
Hellboy II: The Golden Army is an absolutely gorgeous movie. Guillermo del Toro’s focus on practical effects and puppets gives every character, no matter how abnormal, a real weight and believability that is often missing from modern Hollywood. This also allows the CGI to blend far better and to make everything feel very tactile and real, increasing the stakes for the protagonists and presenting a rich world hidden behind modern society. While my experience with Hellboy’s comics is very limited, Hellboy II feels much more like a Guillermo del Toro film with its focus on the fantastical and mythological, weaving them into Hellboy’s world in a way that makes perfect sense and tests the unlikely hero as he must choose between saving a world that hates and despises him or embracing a world where he can freely be a monster. Hellboy remains one of Ron Perlman’s greatest roles and I really liked how the character struggled with the moral ambiguity of his mission, and with trying to figure out his woman and embrace a new, unexpected destiny as a father. Selma Blair remains as bland and uninteresting as ever, but I liked the extra focus on Abe and his own difficulties with emotion, and the fun antagonism between Johann and other others, which led to some amusing moments. Luke Goss was mesmerising as the tragic Prince Nuada, a villain whose motivations are entirely justified and who presents a significant challenge for Hellboy by simply being a better fighter. He’s also got a great deal of depth, truly loving his sister and their kind and regretful that it’s come to war, and convincingly tests Hellboy’s convictions. It still annoys me that we never got a conclusion for these characters and this world as I would’ve loved to see where Guillermo del Toro took them next, but I’m forever grateful that we got Hellboy II, which showcases just how creative and awe-inspiring cinema can be.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Did you enjoy Hellboy II: The Golden Army? Did you like that Abe got more of the spotlight? Were you also amazed by the practical effects and animatronics? Do you think Prince Nuada had a point? Were you also disappointed we never got a third film? What are some of your favourite Hellboy stories? Share your thoughts on Hellboy II in the comments and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest more Hellboy content for the site.

Back Issues [Venom Day]: Venom: Lethal Protector #1-6

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To celebrate the release of Venom: Let There Be Carnage (Serkis, 2021), Sony Pictures declared September 27 “Venom Day”, a fitting tribute to one of my favourite anti-heroes and one of Marvel’s most iconic characters.

Writer: David Michelinie – Artists: Mark Bagley and Ron Lim

Story Title: “Dark Soul Drifting”
Published: 19 December 1992 (cover-date: February 1993)

Story Title: “War and Pieces!”
Published: 26 January 1993 (cover-date: March 1993)

Story Title: “A Verdict of Violence”
Published: 23 February 1993 (cover-date: April 1993)

Story Title: “Deadly Birth!”
Published: 30 March 1993 (cover-date: May 1993)

Story Title: “Symbiocide”
Published: 27 April 1993 (cover-date: June 1993)

Story Title: “Frisco Kill!”
Published: 25 May 1993 (cover-date: July 1993)

Quick Facts:
Writer Tom DeFalco and artist Ron Frenz evolved Randy Schueller’s illustration of Peter Parker/Spider-Man in a slick black outfit into a sentient symbiote that bonded with disgruntled reporter Eddie Brock to become Spider-Man’s dark doppelgänger, Venom. Venom’s popularity saw them transition into an anti-hero role and spin-off into this largely praised 1993 solo series, which influenced Venom’s early videogame appearances and their surprisingly successful live-action solo films.

The Review:
Venom’s first solo series is set in San Franscisco and finds the bloodthirsty symbiote bringing their own brand of justice to the streets. After choking a would-be mugger to death with tendrils of their symbiote, oblivious to how badly they’ve terrified the attacker’s victim, Venom recaps their origin and establishes that they settled their vendetta against Spider-Man and assumes a more human guise to check-in to a dingy hotel. Unfortunately, the local police recognise Eddie Brock, forcing Venom to fend them off and flee, though not before having their picture taken by a passing tourist. This comes to Peter’s attention over in New York City and, worried about Brock’s psychopathic tendencies, he drops everything to investigate. While lamenting that his hometown is unsafe, Brock worries that he’ll end up destitute and homeless since his life lacks direction and he has no family to turn to but sets aside his woes to help some vagrants being harassed by thugs. Unfortunately, the gunshots attract Spider-Man, who quickly attacks Venom for “[going] back to [their] old ways”. Venom easily takes Spidey’s punches, though, and chastises him for breaking their arrangement before refocusing on protecting the innocent, slipping away while a confused Spider-Man deals with the gunmen. Unaware that their appearance has attracted venge-seeking General Orwell Taylor, Venom follows the vagrants to their underground refuge, learning that they’ve been targeted by industrialist Roland Treece for months. Treece’s minions then attack in mech suits, with Venom ripping them apart before being bombarded by a sonic beam. Weakened and in agony, Venom is helpless to stop the second digger from crashing them through the floor and apparently sending them through a time warp!

Hounded on all sides while defending the homeless, Venom investigates the Life Foundation.

This momentary confusion passes when it becomes obvious that they’ve landed in the underground city Treeve covets and in which the homeless take shelter. Using the distraction to regain their strength, Venom shreds the digger, slaughtering the operators when they gun down one of the locals in cold blood. Despite saving them, many of the undergrounders are suspicious of Venom given their reputation but Elizabeth vouches for them and offers them sanctuary, revealing that the city is the remains of the famous 1906 earthquake. Unfortunately, despite many of the undergrounders defending them, their ruling council votes to expel Venom to avoid the hassle, but they decide to try and win them over by going after Roland Treece. Venom easily bypasses Treece International’s high-tech security and just as easily dispatches the guards when they’re spotted, but they’re caught off-guard by General Taylor and his armoured Jury enforcers while puzzling out what Treece intends for the underground city. Thanks to the Jury’s sound blasts, Venom’s helpless against General Taylor, who’s out for revenge after they murdered his son while escaping from the Raft some time ago. Luckily, General Taylor’s rambling allows Venom to recuperate and flee, only for the Jury to pursue them to the Golden Gate Bridge, unleashing all their firepower without a care for who gets caught in the crossfire. Luckily, Venom uses their camouflage ability to give the Jury the slip, only for a friend of General Taylor’s son to launch a surprise attack with a sonic grenade! Luckily, Venom’s plea for the lives of the undergrounders causes his attacker to hesitate and, when the Jury join the fight, Venom’s unexpectedly saved by Treece, who offers them the chance to become head of security at Treece International.

Drake forcibly removes Venom’s spawn, producing five dangerous (if one-note) new symbiotes.

Believing it’ll help them get the inside track on Treece’s plans for the underground city, Venom accepts and is taken to a bunker in the Mojave Desert, only to walk straight into a trap as they’ve subdued by fire and confronted by Carlton Drake of the Life Foundation. Imprisoning Venom within a sonic cage, Drake forcibly extracts a “seed” from the symbiote to add to his others, planning to bond them with volunteers to create super soldiers. Although the cage causes his “other” great pain, Brock uses his “Olympic level strength” to grab one of Drake’s underlings and briefly break free before again being stunned by a sonic blast, leaving Drake to consider executing him since they’ve already bonded his spawn and set them loose in the city as a training exercise. Thus, Spider-Man (who’d been busy learning of Eddie’s troubled relationship with his father, Carl), is amazed to find Donna Diego/Scream tearing up a local mall. Although Scream is as fast and powerful as Venom, she resorts to threatening innocents when Spidey knocks her off-balance and flees in a hovercraft with Spider-Man in hot pursuit. This leads Spidey to the Life Foundation, where he dispatches the armoured guards but arrives too late to stop Drake forcibly removing the symbiote from Eddie (luckily, Eddie barely survives the procedure). Spidey’s then attacked by Scream and Venom’s four other “children” – Carl Mach/Phage, Leslie Gesneria/Agony, Ramón Hernández/Lasher, and Trevor Cole/Riot – while Treece plots to blow up the park over the underground city and Eddie tricks the Life Foundation scientists by playing dead. Although he fights valiantly, Spider-Man is no match for the five symbiotes, who form deadly weapons from their alien costumes, fling acid, and easily overwhelm him despite his experience with symbiotes and they even reject Eddie when he tries to “save” them with an emotional plea.

Spidey reluctantly helps Venom stop Treece and the homeless accept their unlikely saviour.

Eddie and Spidey hold the symbiotes off with some sonic blasters, allowing Eddie to rebond with his symbiote and fight his “children” on more equal ground. When Phage attacks, Spider-Man accidentally discovers that the sonic cage machine artificially ages the symbiotes to the point of decay. Venom suggests using it to kill the symbiotes and, when Spidey refuses to widen the beam, worried that they’ll kill the hosts, Venom chokes Peter into unconsciousness and activates the machine, apparently killing their “children”, much to Spidey’s disgust. Angered by the setback, Drake sets the facility to self-destruct and, though Spidey escapes, Venom gives him the slip to learn that Treece is after a shipment of gold bullion hidden within the underground city. Unaware of this, Spider-Man fights Venom at the park to keep them from murdering Treece, only for Venom to ensnare him with their symbiote and ask for his help in protecting the undergrounders. Amazed by the plea and seeing they’re sincere, Spidey agrees, and they battle Treece’s digger mechs, easily trashing the machines and reducing Treece to a desperate mania as he prepares to blow up the site. With flames blocking their path and Spider-Man busy with a digger mech, Venom’s forced to endure the agony of the fire to wrench Treece from the control room, leaving Spider-Man stunned by Venom’s selfless act. Still, Spidey prepares to bring Venom in, only for the crazed, injured anti-hero to disappear into the crowd. Peter reluctantly decides that, as demented s Venom is, they seem determined to protect lives rather than threatening them. With Treece’s threat ended, the gold is retrieved by officials, and the underground city remains undiscovered. Against the objections of God-fearing Reverend Rakestraw, the undergrounders decide to let Venom stay and a grateful Eddie accepts the offer, vowing to protect them.

Final Thoughts: 
This was a surprisingly disappointing and cluttered mess for Venom’s first solo series. Although things start visually strong thanks to the immensely talented Mark Bagley, who always draws the best symbiotes, Ron Lim takes over about halfway through. While he tries to emulate Bagley’s style, the visuals takes a noticeable hit, appearing rushed and disproportionate compared to Bagley’s slick, impressive art. While Eddie Brock was always an unhinged, intense character, he was admittedly quite one-note and shallow, appearing to be a crazy psychopath with a twisted code of honour. The Lethal Protector arc seeks to flesh him out by returning him to his roots in San Francisco and having Spider-Man uncover insight into Eddie’s past. While struggling to navigate San Francisco and eager to proactively stop Venom before they go on a rampage, Spidey visits Eddie’s estranged father, Carl, only to be angrily rebuked by the well-to-do elder Brock. Luckily, Carl’s housekeeper, Sharon Dempsy, reveals that Eddie’s mother, Jamie, died in childbirth. Resenting Eddie, Carl constantly ignored him, dismissing any academic or athletic accomplishment and never showing Eddie any affection or encouragement. Thus, the root of Eddie’s insecurities and fractured state of mind can be traced back to a neglectful father, adding further context to his warped desire to protect “innocents” from evil and corruption. Yet, while this is interesting, it doesn’t equate to much of a character arc for Eddie as he never confronts his father and even Spidey admits that understanding Eddie doesn’t really help him find, fight, or understand him. Instead, Spider-Man is reluctantly convinced that Venom’s not looking to murder Treece in cold blood because they actually ask for help in obstructing Treece’s plans for the underground city.

Everyone’s out to get Venom here, whether it makes sense or not, making for a cluttered story.

There’s a lot happening in these six issues and yet at least two still waste time recapping Venom’s origin, with both Peter and Eddie pondering their past and how they ended up in San Francisco. It makes sense that a mindless, crazed lunatic like Venom would attract many enemies and that his senseless killing would come back to haunt him, but it’s kind of ridiculous how many people are gunning for him. The least developed is General Taylor, who justifiably wants to avenge his son’s death and yet simply exists to hound Venom when they take a breath, with him and his Jury promptly disappearing once Venom arrives at the Life Foundation. This malicious organisation is run by Carlton Drake, a man with even less motivation than General Taylor who simply wants to extract offspring from the symbiotes, forcibly mature them, and create an army. I’m not entirely sure why, possibly to sell as super soldiers, but I feel it would’ve been far easier to merge Carlton Drake, General Taylor, and Roland Treece into one person employing the Jury to hunt Venom to experiment on them and avenge his son’s death while also seeking to excavate the underground city. Instead, all these forces hunt Venom in the first few issues simply to justify a six-issue miniseries, something only exacerbated by Spider-Man’s presence. Considering they came to an agreement not to interfere with each other and Peter has no reason to think Venom’s descended into anarchy, Spidey’s presence eats up pages and panels that could’ve easily been given to Eddie as he reluctantly reconnects with his father, only for Carl to sell him out to Drake or something. Peter could’ve seen Venom on the news in maybe issue four and then gone to San Francisco to investigate based on more substantial evidence. As is, Spidey’s presence is clearly just there to entice readers into buying the miniseries.

Venom’s given more depth here but the story wastes its potential on lame villains.

Luckily, I’m a big fan of Venom so I generally enjoy most things they’re in (hence the three stars) and I do like the idea of Eddie being hounded at every turn, driven to fall in with the homeless and desperate to win their approval by defending them. Despite their incredible strength and the versatility of the symbiote, Venom takes a hell of a pounding, often weakened by sonic blasts, encaged in pure sonic energy, and almost dying when Drake forcibly removes the symbiote. It’s no wonder that Venom asks for Spider-Man’s help considering how often they’re ripped to shreds and battered, even though Venom easily handled the digger mechs before and probably didn’t need the assist in the finale. As much as I enjoy the symbiotes, though, Lethal Protector was the beginning of a downward slide into diminishing returns as five new ones are spawned here, none of which are given names much less distinguishable identities (the damn Jury had more personality!) They barely speak and we get very little insight into their abilities beyond some all-too-brief fight scenes before they’re offed with ridiculous ease. The symbiotes were far more visually interesting and dangerous than Drake or the diggers and should’ve been a far greater threat for Spider-Man and Venom, but they’re a mere obstacle here. Considering the chaotic careers these symbiotes later had, it again would’ve been much easier to merge these into a single symbiote, preferably Scream, and have it be Drake’s underling. Or even gender swap Drake and have her become Scream for a more interesting final fight. Instead, the five symbiotes are largely forgettable inclusions (I hesitate to call them “characters”) and are disappointing as this entire miniseries, which awkwardly tries to walk back Venom’s characterisation to make them less fearsome and ironically strips them of a lot of their intrigue and personality as a consequence.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Venom’s first miniseries? Do you agree that the story was a bit overstuffed or did you like seeing Venom be hounded on all sides? Did you like the additional backstory given to Eddie here? Were you also disappointed that the new symbiotes were so underutilised? What are some of your favourite Venom stories and how are you celebrating Venom’s debut this month? Whatever your thoughts on Venom, share them below, support me on Ko-Fi, and check out my other Venom content.

Movie Night [Bat-Month]: Batman (1966)

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Since his first appearance in the pages of Detective Comics, Bruce Wayne/Batman has become a pop culture icon. September celebrates “Batman Day”, the perfect excuse to celebrate this grim and broody vigilante.

Released: 30 July 1966
Director: Leslie H. Martinson
Distributor: 20th Century Fox

Budget: $1.378 million
Box Office: $3.9 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 80% / 62%

Quick Facts:
Between 1966 and 1968, Batman took audiences by storm with its sardonic wit and camp action, cementing star Adam West as one of the most iconic versions of the character. Executive producer William Dozier wanted a feature film to hype the first season, using the increased budget to debut some fun new Bat-vehicles. Though Julie Newmar was replaced by Lee Meriwether and the show’s popularity eventually declined, this surprisingly faithful adaptation of the comics remains a celebrated cult classic.

The Review:
Released a mere two months into the first series, Batman (or Batman: The Movie) is a gloriously camp, ridiculously colourful and bonkers action/adventure that, rather than provide a definitive origin for Bruce Wayne/Batman (Adam West) and his youthful ward, Richard “Dick” Grayson/Robin (Burt Ward), is largely an excuse to use the heightened budget to film a bunch of stock footage for the television show. Although the classic Batman theme song is absent in the strictest sense, recycled for a traditional film score, and Catwoman (who takes the alias Kitanya “Kitka” Irenya Tatanya Karenska Alisoff/Miss Kitka) is portrayed by Lee Meriwether, Batman’s most colourful rogues are represented in all their madcap glory for easily their most ludicrous and ambitious plan yet. The Joker (Cesar Romero), Oswald Cobblepott/The Penguin (Burgess Meredith), Edward Nygma/The Riddler (Frank Gorshin), and Catwoman form the “United Underworld” of super criminals. Despite often bickering, jostling for authority, and seeking to one-up each other’s wacky schemes, they unite with two mutual goals: destroy Batman and Robin (preferably using one of the Penguin’s many exploding marine animals) and kidnap delegates from the United World Organization’s Security Council (including Albert Carrier, Gregory Gaye, Maurice Dallimore, and Teru Shimada) in a bid for world domination. Their plot to carry out this dastardly act is ridiculously simple: fool the Dynamic Duo with an elaborate holographic projection and kidnap Commodore Schmidlapp (Reginald Denny), keeping him placated so they can steal and repurpose his genius “Total Dehydrator”, a device which removes all moisture from a victim’s body, reducing them to dust and storing them as “light water” to be rehydrated later.

Death traps, nonsensical riddles, and mid-day traffic are easily overcome by the highly capable Dynamic Duo.

Initially, Batman, Robin, Commissioner James “Jim” Gordon (Neil Hamilton), and Police Chief O’Hara (Stafford Repp) are baffled by the methods used by the villains. Eventually, however, their worst fears come true when they realise that the four supervillains have joined forces. Yet, while Batman easily solves the the Riddler’s absurdly convoluted riddles, our heroes are often stumped by the quadruple threat. Rather than cause mass panic, Batman downplays the incident to the Gotham City press and investigates further, using outrageous leaps in logic to figure out how the villains fooled them and who their next target is. Batman is comically capable here, easily the smartest person in the room and yet continually encouraging others (especially Robin) to figure out clues for themselves to reach his bonkers conclusions. Batman and Robin are said to be “fully deputised members of the police” and regularly operate in the daytime and with the full cooperation of the police and the public, who regard them with reverence that borders on awe. Thus, Vice Admiral Fangschleister (Milton Frome) is initially elated to receive a phone call from Batman regarding the sale of a nuclear submarine and then disheartened to learn he was duped into selling it to “P. N. Guin”. Batman also has a bat-branded gadget or device for every occasion, easily fending off exploding sharks, deflecting missiles, and traversing the city by car, helicopter, or boat. In a world full of vibrant pantomime villains, Batman and Commissioner Gordon play things deathly straight. Adam West delivers every line with a grave undertone or exaggerated exuberance, chewing the scenery at every opportunity and helping the comedy to land even harder because he and Neil Hamilton take it so seriously. Even when Robin’s solving riddles with suggestions like “a sparrow with a machine gun”, they just nod along in complete agreement as if there was no other solution, and it’s a joy to see.

While Bruce is besotted by Miss Kitka, he’s supported by Alfred and the ever-enthusiastic Robin.

Interestingly, Bruce Wayne gets a fair bit of screen time here. While he’s mostly just running to and from the Batcave, he takes centre stage when the United Underground plot to kidnap the millionaire and hold him hostage, sure that Batman and Robin would race head-first into their death trap to rescue him. Thus, Miss Kitka (having already caught Batman’s eye at the press conference) easily bewitches Bruce with concerns of a threat from the villains, causing him to hatch an elaborate scheme to take Miss Kitka on a date and have Robin and their loyal butler, Alfred Pennyworth (Alan Napier), follow in the Batmobile to intervene when the villains strike. However, Robin gets a bit uncomfortable watching Bruce and Miss Kitka play tonsil hockey and tunes out, meaning he’s too late to save Bruce from being kidnapped. Unaware that the beautiful Soviet reporter he’s falling for is secretly Catwoman, Bruce rages at the villains, threatening to kill them if they harm Miss Kitka, and giving them a beating before doing what he does best and outsmarting the evildoers and escaping. Robin is generally Batman’s echo chamber, there to enthusiastically shout encouragement or hit upon comical solutions, but he’s fiercely loyal to Batman and always has his back. He’s dismayed when it appears Batman’s been blown up by an absurdly oversized bomb, takes it for granted that the Batcopter would safely land on a convenient pile of foam, and is always on hand to offer suggestions, like commandeering a taxi, even if he often defers to Batman’s age and experience. There’s not much for Commissioner Gordon or Chief O’Hara to do except be Batman’s cheerleaders, but it was amusing seeing Alfred don a domino mask and drive Robin around as part of their scheme.

The bickering, colourful, outrageous villains steal every scene with their madcap personalities and plot.

As amazing as Batman is, however, even he’s intimidated at the thought of his greatest villains forming a cabal. Although the villains squabble, with each thinking they’re the leader and have the best goons or plans, they begrudgingly get on the same page to work towards a common goal. The goons are holed up in a seedy bar and utilise the Penguin’s repurposed nuclear submarine to plan and execute their scheme, which involves building a makeshift cabin to dupe Commodore Schmidlapp and boobytrap their headquarters with hopes to flinging Batman and Robin into an unseen exploding octopus. The villains eventually realise their best chance of success is to incorporate all their individual gimmicks and ideas, though the Riddler’s obsessive compulsion with bamboozling Batman with obtuse riddles often annoys his cohorts. Similarly, the Joker is initially annoyed at how bossy the Penguin is on his submarine and Catwoman is constantly berating the others for bungling their plot. When infiltrating the United World Headquarters, the Riddle is equally nonplussed about whether the Penguin succeeded in his separate ploy to infiltrate the Batcave in the guise of Commodore Schmidlapp. While Batman and Robin aren’t fooled by this in the slightest, they go along with the ruse to get an idea of the villain’s plot, only to be aghast when the Penguin’s rehydrated goons vanish into “antimatter” due to being reconstituted with “hard water”. As great as Batman and Robin are, the villains steal the show. The Joker is a cackling, moustachioed maniac, Catwoman is a sultry temptress, the Riddler is absolutely off his rocker, and the Penguin waddles about with manic glee. Romero and Gorshin are practically bouncing off the walls at times, while Meredith quacks through gritted teeth and postures with delusions of grandeur. Catwoman is easily the most level-headed, often cutting through their nonsense to get them on track, while the Penguin has all the fancy gadgets and goons, though the Joker and the Riddler’s machination see the Dynamic Duo faced with numerous hilarious near-death experiences.

The ridiculous camp is married with some impressive vehicles and interior sets in this colourful adventure.

You can definitely see the money on the screen in Batman. The show was famous for its elaborate and expensive sets and they really shine on the big screen, with the Batcave standing out as a fully stocked laboratory with every bat-themed device the plot requires. The villains’ skewed lair is a fun mirror of the Batcave, being much more lowkey but still filled with personalised areas and their individual gimmicks. They later transition to the Penguin’s submarine, which isn’t as interesting an interior, but I did like that each had a personalised station on the periscope and that every control console was clearly and obnoxiously labelled. As ever, the costumes are colourful and ripped right from the comic books. Batman and Robin are especially impressive, with both men filling out their spandex admirably, but the outrageous villains give them more than a run for their money. The Penguin stood out for me thanks to his hilariously mad impersonation of Commodore Schmidlapp, the cigarette holder permanently clamped between his teeth, and his ridiculous gas-filled umbrella. Most notably, Batman spends a lot of time having the Dynamic Duo hop between the Batmobile, Batcopter, Batcycle, and Batboat. Though obvious stunt doubles and rear projection are used in these sequences, it’s always a thrill seeing the 1960s Batmobile roar to life. I really enjoyed the Batcopter scenes, especially with Robin unnecessarily hanging upside down on the Batrope to deliver the Shark Repellent Batspray, and the Batboat scenes, both of which include some cinematic wide shots through the city and over the ocean. The Penguin’s personalised submarine was also a fun model, and I really enjoyed the big fight scene on the submarine (surprisingly the only use of the comic book sound effects in the film), which was shot on an elaborate water set.

After a bombastic submarine brawl, the Dynamic Duo (mostly) restore the World Security Council…

Despite all the comical nonsense, such as the villains being aggravated when Batman doesn’t come to rescue Bruce Wayne, Batman racing around the pier desperately trying to get rid of a bomb (one of the most amusing sequences of the film!), and the Riddler’s ridiculous riddles, the United Underworld successfully dehydrate and abduct the World Security Council. Hot on their trail, desperate the rescue the delegates and Miss Kitka, Batman and Robin force the Penguin’s submarine to surface after bombarding it was “Batcharges” and a furious fistfight breaks out on the deck that sees the Dynamic Duo tangle up the Penguin, the Joker, and Riddler and all their henchmen. When Catwoman flees into the sub, she trips and loses her disguise, leaving Batman briefly devastated when he realises she was Miss Kitka all along. Quickly shrugging off his heartbreak and returning to duty, Batman secures the dehydrated World Security Council, only for the confounded Commodore Schmidlapp to accidentally break the vials and scatter their powdered remains. Luckily, the Batcave has a “Super Molecular Dust Separator” that the Dynamic Dup use to filter the mingled dust particles. Though Robin suggests they “shuffle” the delegates’ personalities to encourage world peace, Batman advises against playing God lest they cause a catastrophe like the Penguin’s hard water minions. Thus, with Commissioner Gordon, President Lyndon B. Johnson (Van Williams), and the world watching, Batman and Robin successfully rehydrate the World Security Council. Amusingly, despite Batman’s meticulous efforts, the delegates have their personalities mixed up, leaving him to hope that the “strange mixing of minds” could benefit humanity. The Dynamic Duo then “discreetly” exit via a nearby window using their Batropes and dump the problem on someone else!

Final Thoughts:
This is my first time watching Batman in years, maybe even over a decade, and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I watched it a lot as a kid and was really into it then, but I was glad to find my enjoyment wasn’t stifled despite me preferring a dark, gritter Batman. There’s an infectious charm to this interpretation of the Caped Crusader (which was actually far more comic accurate than people think) and I really liked that the show and its movie weren’t afraid of the ludicrous nature of the source material. Everyone is decked out in colourful costumes and giving it their all, with Batman playing things straight as an arrow and his villains chewing the scenery with their pantomime-like behaviour. I love how tongue-in-cheek everything is, from the ridiculous solutions to the Riddler’s puzzles to that damn bomb scene (!) and the villains’ outrageous plot. Adam West remains one of the quintessential benchmarks for Batman. I love how intelligent and capable his Batman is, and that he’s constantly mentoring and encouraging those around him. Robin is full of enthusiasm and energy and throws himself into everything, and I really liked how the city was so enamoured by the duo. The villains steal the show, however, with their rambunctious performances. There’s such manic energy to the men and a tangible sexuality to Catwoman that’s appealing even today. I really enjoyed how elaborate and overblown everything was and the fun vehicles and sight gags used throughout the film. My only complaints are that the Batman theme wasn’t used more and that the “Pow!”, “Biff!” sound effects only appear in the finale. Otherwise, Batman remains a rollicking good time. If you only like dark, moody, super serious Batman then you might dislike this film but you’d honestly be missing out as it’s a fantastic, vibrant piece of camp fun that’s as enjoyable to me now as it was thirty-odd years ago.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Do you also have a soft spot for the 1966 Batman movie? Were you a fan of the show back in the day or were you turned off by the camp nonsense? Which of the outrageous villains featured here was your favourite? Did you correctly guess the answers to the Riddler’s riddles? Would you have liked to see another feature film spin-off of the show? How are you celebrating Batman this month and which Batman movie is your favourite? Whatever your thoughts on this version of Batman, leave a comment below and donate to my Ko-Fi to support the site.

Wrestling Recap: Cena vs. Punk (Money in the Bank ’11)

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The Date: 17 July 2011
The Venue: Allstate Arena; Rosemont, Illinois
The Stakes: WWE Championship singles match with Cena’s career at risk

The Commentary: Booker T, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Michael Cole
The Referee: Scott Armstrong
Dave Meltzer’s Rating: 5.0

The Build-Up:
At Extreme Rules 2011, John Cena captured his eighth Heavyweight Championship, drawing the ire of an embittered CM Punk, who was understandably frustrated after being shafted in favour of part-time stars like the Rock. After becoming the number one contender, CM Punk cost Cena a tables match and left him lying in the ring as he delivered his infamous “pipe bomb” promo. In an aggravated rant, Punk criticised Cena and vowed to quit World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) and return to the independent scene with it. Although CM Punk was suspended for this, Cena demanded he be reinstated and even agreed to be fired if he failed to retain the title, leading WWE Chairman Vince McMahon to reluctantly bow to CM Punk’s laundry list of demands to ensure his match would be iron clad.

The Match:
To say CM Punk was popular at this time would be an understatement. CM Punk was a beloved icon of the independent scene even before debuting in the WWE and had a vocal fanbase throughout his first stint there. His iconic pipe bomb promo only cemented him as a celebrated, alternative icon so he would’ve received a raucous reception on his night regardless, especially as people had long since tired of John Cena. However, this match took place in CM Punk’s hometown, so the reception was positively electric prior to his entrance and during the match, with chants of “CM Punk! CM Punk!” and spiteful boos for the champion rocking the Allstate Arena. Though clearly energised by the wild crowd, who promised to “riot” if he lost, CM Punk calmly sat in the ring and beckoned Cena to join him, only for the champion to be showered with boos and appear less jovial than usual since he was in “enemy territory”. After a hesitant feeling out process, the two exchanged headlocks and takedowns, though Cena wisely dodged a roundhouse kick and escaped an Anaconda Vice to apply an arm lock. Despite the crowd jeering him, Cena kept CM Punk grounded and then knocked him down with a shoulder block, drawing a mocking applause from the challenger. Cena answered back with a headlock to keep things on the mat but ate a hip toss and a dropkick when CM Punk fought back and ended up trapped in a headlock courtesy of the upstart challenger. CM Punk continued to mock Cena with a shoulder block before the two slickly avoided each other’s finishing moves, leading CM Punk to target Cena’s left leg with a few kicks and stomp on him in a corner. Cena countered with a running bulldog to score the first near fall and then briefly grounded CM Punk with another headlock before flooring him with a stiff clothesline for another two count.

The match’s more explosive moves and big moments were spaced out between a smart ground game.

CM Punk got his first near fall off a back suplex counter to a headlock but was forced into a corner when he teased a piledriver and almost got pinned off a fisherman’s suplex. CM Punk avoided an Attitude Adjustment and got a two count off a DDT, then applied a leg vice around Cena’s neck to regroup that Cena muscled out of, only to be tossed outside. CM Punk dropped a knee across Cena’s neck as he lay sprawled over the apron then rolled the champion into the ring for a near fall, but hit a ring post when Cena dodged a corner charge. CM Punk kicked off a Sharpshooter attempt and went back to the headlock to increase the pressure on Cena’s neck, though the champion fought back with some strikes before being glanced by a top rope crossbody that saw both awkwardly tumble into a pinning predicament. Cena shook it off and suplexed CM Punk out of the ring for another near fall, then hit another fisherman’s suplex and scored with an elbow drop, showing frustration when CM Punk kicked out. Cena then hit a flipping slam…thing…kind of like a modified Emerald Fusion…for another two count before the match descended into a slugfest that ended with Cena applying an abdominal stretch. Though CM Punk fought out of it with a hip toss, both men collided with a double clothesline, leading Cena to hit his signature shoulder blocks and try for the Protobomb, which he only hit after being caught in a roll-up and dodging a kick in the corner. The crowd exploded when CM Punk kicked Cena in the head when he went for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, sending Cena outside so the challenger could fly in with a torpedo-like dive. CM Punk then tried to capitalise on his comeback with a springboard crossbody, only to eat the canvas when Cena rolled out of the way.

Despite McMahon’s best efforts, CM Punk stole the WWE Championship!

Although Cena hit the Five Knuckle Shuffle, CM Punk clumsily flipped out of the Attitude Adjustment and scored a two count off a roundhouse kick. Though Cena avoided the Go to Sleep and hit a gutwrench slam, CM Punk still kicked out, avoided another Attitude Adjustment, and clocked Cena’s jaw with some knee strikes. CM Punk finally (if awkwardly) hit his springboard crossbody for a near fall, then laid in some martial arts kicks before being trapped in the STF. Somehow, CM Punk reached the ropes to break the hold and landed another devastating kick to the back of Cena’s head for a near fall. Frustrated, CM Punk went for a top-rope crossbody and was caught in the Attitude Adjustment…only for CM Punk to counter with the Go to Sleep, which Cena then countered into another STF! This time, Cena dragged CM Punk to the middle of the ring, but CM Punk rolled through into a hammerlock. Cena powered up and finally hit the Attitude Adjustment, only to be left aghast when CM Punk kicked out at two! When Cena went for his top-rope diving leg drop thing, CM Punk countered into a sit-down powerbomb for a near fall but was too close to the ropes when he went for the Go to Sleep, allowing Cena to hit that diving leg drop…for a two count. Amazed, Cena hit another Attitude Adjustment for another near fall that got him so riled up that he argued with the referee before desperately trying for the avalanche Attitude Adjustment. CM Punk frantically fought out of it, however, and hit a top-rope hurricanrana but barely caught Cena with the Go to Sleep, which also knocked the champion outside. Thanks to a distraction by Vince McMahon and John Laurinaitis, CM Punk got caught in another STF. However, when McMahon tried to recreate the “Montreal Screwjob” (…again…) by calling for the bell, Cena decked Laurinaitis and threatened Vince before walking right into another Go to Sleep. This saw CM Punk take the win and even fend off Mr. Money in the Bank Alberto Del Rio’s desperate attempt to steal the belt back before escaping victorious through the riotous crowd.

The Aftermath:
There’s a reason this match is so lauded. It really did have everything, in terms of drama and personal stakes. The lines between fiction and reality were nicely blurred, especially with all the talk of CM Punk vowing to take the WWE Championship to the indies in defiance. While Cena’s in-ring limitations were clear to see, he played his part perfectly, being overwhelmed by the crowd’s vitriol and stunned by CM Punk’s resolve, while CM Punk looked scrappy and determined to finally get his due. WWE played into the storyline immediately following this match, allowing CM Punk to be seen with the captured belt outside of the company. Undeterred, McMahon immediately set up an eight-man tournament to crown a new WWE Champion but interrupted the tournament to fire Cena out of spite, leading to Chief Operating Officer Triple H to remove McMahon from power. Although Rey Mysterio won the tournament, he immediately dropped the belt to John Cena, leading CM Punk to return to the WWE barely two weeks after his big exit, insulted at the attempt to replace him. Cena and Punk fought again to determine the undisputed WWE Champion at the 2011 SummerSlam, with CM Punk again taking the win (despite Cena’s foot being under the rope). Sadly, CM Punk’s celebration was short-lived as Kevin Nash made a surprise return and hit him with a Jackknife Powerbomb, allowing Del Rio to successful cash-in his Money in the Bank contract. CM Punk’s momentum was therefore derailed with a bizarre rivalry with Nash and Triple H, though he kicked off a momentous 434-day WWE Championship reign the following November. As for Cena, he also traded WWE Championship wins with Del Rio and had rivalries with Kane and Brock Lesnar while building towards his “Once in a Lifetime” confrontation with the Rock at WrestleMania XXVII.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Do you consider this one of the greatest matches of CM Punk’s storied career? Were you invested in the seemingly industry-changing match? Did you expect CM Punk to win? Were you disappointed that CM Punk returned to the WWE so soon after his big win? What are some of your favourite matches between CM Punk and John Cena? Who’s your favourite winner of the Money in the Bank ladder match? Whatever you think about this iconic main event, share your thoughts below, check out my other wrestling reviews, and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest other Money in the Bank matches you’d like to see me cover.

Game Corner [Bat-Month]: Batman Forever (Mega Drive)

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Since his first appearance in the pages of Detective Comics, Bruce Wayne/Batman has become a pop culture icon. September celebrates “Batman Day”, the perfect excuse to celebrate this grim and broody vigilante.

Released: 7 September 1995
Developer: Probe Entertainment
MobyGames Score: 5.8

Also Available For: Game Boy, Game Gear, MS- DOS, R-Zone, Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES)

Quick Facts:
Though divisive, Batman Forever (Schumacher, 1995) made over $330 million at the box office and was accompanied by both toys and videogames. While Acclaim’s arcade tie-in was met with mixed reviews, it still fared better than the vastly different home console versions. Reviews criticised the clunky, digitised sprites, the obtuse and ugly environments, and unintuitive controls, resulting in what’s been called one of the worst releases for the Mega Drive.

Gameplay and Power-Ups:
Batman Forever is a 2D, sidescrolling beat-‘em-up that sticks pretty closely to the plot of the film (except Dick Grayson/Robin, looking decidedly more adult here, is already Batman’s partner). The game supports both two-player co-operative play and, bizarrely, competitive play, in which players can attack each other, which seems a terrible idea given how awkward this game is. Unlike its predecessors, which were simple brawlers, Batman Forever opts to lumber the player with fighting game mechanics not unlike the Mortal Kombat games from the time (Midway, 1992 to 1995). The game offers two control schemes, though option two is for those with a six-button controller (honestly, the recommended way to play this nonsense). By choosing this option, up makes Batman (or Robin) jump, up and left performs a somersault, and tapping and holding up when jumping executes a glide. While this helps reach out of the way areas, you’re locking into this animation and at the mercy of the awful level layouts. You perform a roll by double tapping left or right and hitting A, hold B to block, and attack with A, B, X, and Z. These see you firing rapid punches high and low, kicking, sweeping the leg, or performing a roundhouse kick or uppercut depending on your stance. Enemies generally attack one or two at a time, but you perform back attacks with the right button combinations (none of which are displayed onscreen). Button combinations also activate the many gadgets. While some are available from the start, others are only obtained by finding blueprints and Batman and Robin have unique gadgets as well as sharing weapons like the Batarangs and grapnel gun.

Sadly, the crippling fighting game controls are the least of this awful game’s worries.

While you can only pick two additional gadgets per level, you get unlimited ammo and can switch gadgets after clearing levels. Batman can perform his weird-ass cape morph from the film, erect a holographic decoy, and toss smoke and flash pellets to disorientate foes. Robin primarily utilises his bo staff, whacking enemies and using it as a shield, though he can also throw tranquilizer darts. While the jumping is finnicky and the glide is even worse, these aspects aren’t too difficult to get to grips with and can even be fun. However, you’ll run into a literal dead end seconds into starting the game as Batman and Robin must use their grapnel to get about. It’s not always immediately clear where or when you use the grapnel, or even how as even the six-button layout sees you hitting up and X with precision timing in the right spot. Occasionally, you may need to fire it while standing to swing over gaps but you’re more likely to be awkwardly leaping to handholds to fling yourself to higher platforms. Jumping down is even crazier as you must hold C and press down, making even the most basic movements needlessly complicated. Some elements of the environment are destructible, gifting partial or full med kits and extra lives, while riddles interrupt the gameplay when collected. Each enemy has a health bar that must be whittled down in janky-ass combat and all enemies must be defeated to progress as it’s the only way to open previously locked doors. However, this is also pointlessly convoluted as it’s not always clear where the exit is (it often appears as regular parts of the environment!) A counter showing how many enemies are left and an onscreen arrow pointing you to the exit would’ve been nice! While most areas are straightforward, the visuals don’t make exploration easy and areas you need to get to are often hidden behind the many foreground elements, compounding the issue.

Grappling and basic exploration is an uphill battle thanks to the confusing level layouts.

Mostly, you’ll just be wandering about digitised approximations of locations from the movie, beating up thugs to progress and smashing walls for goodies or secret areas. At first, you’re using the grapnel and drop down a lot but these elements fade over time, replaced by awkward jumps, annoying gliding, and obtuse puzzles. While clumsily grappling about the bank, you’ll rescue guards and end up fighting Harvey Dent/Two-Face’s goons on the extracted vault. As if the confusing, largely vertical layout of the circus wasn’t bad enough, you’re also battling a timer as you hop to hanging lights. While you can collect clocks to add additional time, you have around five minutes to search for goons to beat up, which drops rope ladders and opens the roof so you can disarm the bomb (in a cutscene). While exploring Two-Face’s warehouse lair, you must destroy crates to progress or grapple up to hanging crates to bypass water (or maybe it’s acid?) hazards, occasionally using them as platforms to get past larger bodies and struggling with the game’s large hit boxes whenever those crushing presses are onscreen. As confusing and unsightly as Arkham Asylum is, things really take a nosedive in level five, where you must search all over for levers to kick, which open trap doors to new areas. Many loop you back to an underground section, though, forcing you to clamber to background handholds (when the game decides you can grab them) to get back to where you need to be…only for platforms to drop as you’re on them and the whole tedious process to start again! By comparison, battling through and onto a subway train is far easier, even with the electrical hazards, but it’s equally aggravating to fling yourself around Nygma’s Claw Island lair to activate six of Edward Nygma/The Riddler’s pods. Between the awful controls, unintuitive combat, and confusing layouts, everything is overly complicated and tiresome, with even simple shit like fighting enemies on a descending platform being tedious chores.

Presentation:
Sadly, Batman Forever ends up being a product of its time as it opts to use the same technology and techniques as Mortal Kombat to present digitised sprites and pre-rendered backgrounds in an attempt to be innovative and groundbreaking. Unfortunately, it ends up being unsightly and confusing as the game loves to block your view with foreground elements. As impressive as these may be, they don’t equate to enjoyable gameplay as you’re left scrambling about trying to grapple or drop to new areas. Batman and Robin look awful, flailing about in standard fighting poses and jerkily executing the basic moves you’d see in Mortal Kombat. It’s such a shame as the game might’ve been somewhat tolerable if the developers hadn’t used this restrictive format and had used a more traditional beat-‘em-up style of play. Instead, combat is wild and unpredictable, with moves sometimes missing or passing through your target or being cancelled as the computer reads your inputs. While Batman Forever doesn’t include the game’s bombastic score, it does feature some digitised voice samples, though the story is entirely related through boring text rather than digitised recreations of the movie, or even sprite animations. The visual presentation relies heavily on shadow, which is pretty ironic considering how vivid the film was, with colour only coming into play at the circus (and even then, its muddy browns and oranges). While you sometimes see enemies burst from their prison cells or drums and the environment often changes, the level layouts are all over the place and difficult to navigate as it’s never clear where you have to go.

The digitised sprites and ugly visuals make for an unappealing and aggravating gameplay experience.

While the title screen is disappointingly basic and the ending is little more than a still image of Gotham City and some congratulatory text, Batman Forever does a commendable job recreated locations from the movie. The game starts in Arkham Asylum, which is actually a deep cut reference to the film’s original opening, where crazed inmates burst from their cells as players traverse a rusted walkway with the city in the background. Arkham Asylum is very gothic, dark, and claustrophobic, which is fitting but also makes for a confusing opening stage as dead ends are everywhere. Next, you head to the bank that Two-Face robs in the film. This level sees you fighting past desks, large windows, and potted plants, visiting each floor via the cylindrical lift on the outside, where the overly ornate Gotham City stretches to the horizon. As mentioned, the circus brings some colour to the game but also additional anxiety due to the timer and the vertical layout. You must grapple and jump to trapeze platforms, past clown cars and stage equipment and to the rafters and lights in search of baddies to beat to reach the bomb, which explodes in a still image if you fail. Two-Face’s warehouse is a disappointingly bland visual follow-up, comprised mainly of wooden crates and storage containers, until you reach the boss area and see Two-Face’s bizarre décor recreated. Level 5 was equally disappointing, being mainly the Ritz Hotel in the background and various tunnels and rafters, but the subway made up for it by having you fight through the dark tunnels and atop a speeding subway train. Level 7 takes place in Wayne Manor and the Batcave below, where you’ll see the Batcomputer, Batmobile, and Batwing in the background (with the latter two being sadly unusable). Level 8 starts on Claw Island and then shifts to inside the Riddler’s madcap lair, which rises from the background, forces up a narrow cylindrical shaft, and features various elaborate, overly complicated, technologically stuffed rooms full of monitors and question marks.

Enemies and Bosses:
A bunch of disposable goons are littered throughout Batman Forever, all of whom sport their own names and health bars. I don’t recall ever fighting more than two at a time, however, so you’ll be constantly backtracking and searching for any enemies you’ve missed to open the next area or level exit. Enemies largely share the same basic moves as Batman and Robin, and between each other, though there are some variations. This means enemies can punch, kick, and roll at you but they’ll also burst from the background, throw you, and wield various weapons. The Arkham inmates attack with knives (or possibly the rags of their straightjackets), batons, and tasers, pulling off fancier combos than either Batman or Robin, while Two-Face’s suited-up thugs carry pistols or high-powered shotguns. His gimp-masked brutes are more likely to grapple you, tossing you around with wrestling-style moves, or thrust a chainsaw into your crotch! The circus clowns wear comically oversized boxing gloves, performing jumping split kicks, and either vomit or toss paint, it’s not clear which. Level 5 debuts the Riddler’s bizarre minions, who teleport about, fire sticky goop overhead, and erect an energy shield to negate your attacks. Sadly, that’s about it and Batman Forever is very light on bosses. In fact, there are barely four bosses to worry about here. You fight Sugar and Spice before your first encounter with Two-Face (who goes wild with dual knives) and dispatch the Riddler’s holographic doubles before fighting him on Claw Island. The Riddler is surprisingly formidable, whacking you with his cane, stunning you, and using energy waves. He also transforms into a hulking form that stomps, shakes the ground, and cracks you over his knee before reverting to his normal form for the finale. Two-Face also returns in the finale, leaving himself open whenever he flips his coin or mocks you while also boasting an impressive and wholly uncharacteristic bicycle kick!

Additional Features:
There are three difficulty modes available in Batman Forever (“Easy”, “Normal”, and “Hard”), though I didn’t care to find out what’s different about them. The game also gives you the option to turn the music off (probably best given how awful the soundtrack is) and play alongside a friend. You can also enable friendly fire and battle a friend in traditional one-on-one fights in the “Training Mode”, where other characters are also available to play as. Players must collect blueprints to unlock additional gadgets, but I wouldn’t say it was necessary as they’re all pretty similar, and can find hidden areas if they care to experiment. Batman Forever features a handy cheat code to enable a level select and one-hit kills, though this strangely doesn’t apply to the final Two-Face or Big Riddler bosses.

Final Thoughts:
I was honestly dreading playing this game as I’ve played the SNES version before through emulation and am well aware of how frustrating, ugly, and overly complicated it is. I wanted to give it a good go, though, and was surprised to find it quite beatable…if you enable those one-hit kills. While I’m a big fan of Mortal Kombat, translating those fighting game mechanics into a sidescrolling beat-‘em-up never works and Batman Forever is no different. Every fight is a chore and a coin toss regarding whether your moves will hit or miss. There’s a noticeable delay between pressing buttons and performing actions, Batman and Robin are clunky, and the level layouts are all over the place. Batman Forever tries so hard to be ground-breaking and innovative, using digitised sprites and pseudo-3D, pre-rendered environments to appear cutting edge, and in doing so is one of the ugliest games you’ll ever see from this time. The digitised sprites look awful, especially Robin, and the environments are needlessly complicated by obstructive foreground elements, confusing layouts, and the bizarre fixation on having you defeat every enemy. I liked that the game tried to mix things up with the timer gimmick and the looping path and grapple mechanics could’ve been fun, but they (like everything here) were executed so poorly. You’ll need a guide to perform even the most basic functions, the game’s awful at telling you where you need to go and what needs to be done, and the sheer lack of bosses and story elements is laughable. Of all the Mega Drive Batman games, this is clearly the worst and that’s saying a lot as I couldn’t beat the other ones! I would say that things might’ve fared better if the developers had ported or adapted the action-packed arcade game instead, but that was a manic mess of a game as well so it seems a videogame adaptation of Batman Forever was doomed to fail no matter what format it found itself on.

My Rating:

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Terrible

Are you a maniac and somehow a fan of Batman Forever? Did you also struggle with the fighting mechanics and grapple or did you find them enjoyable? What did you think to the digitised spites and pre-rendered backgrounds? Which of Batman and Robin’s gadgets was your favourite? Did you also struggle to defuse the circus bomb? Were you disappointed by the lack of boss battles or did you find Big Riddler a fun surprise? How are you planning on celebrating Batman Day this year and what is your favourite Batman videogame? Whatever your thoughts on this version of Batman Forever, or Batman in general, please leave a comment below and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest other Batman videogames for me to review.

Movie Night [MK Day]: Mortal Kombat II

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This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is mortalmonday.png

To celebrate the simultaneous worldwide release of Mortal Kombat (Midway, 1992) on home consoles, 13 September 1993 was dubbed “Mortal Monday”. Thus, it’s only fitting that to celebrate this influential fighting series every September 13th.

Released: 8 May 2026
Director: Simon McQuoid
Distributor: Warner Bros. Pictures

Budget: $80 million
Box Office: $75.2 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 65% / 89%

Quick Facts:
The success and controversy of Mortal Kombat saw producer Lawrence Kasanoff produce both cult hits and disappointing lows. After years in limbo, Mortal Kombat returned to the big screen with a lukewarm reboot that nonetheless saw cast and crew up for a sequel. Determined to address fan feedback, the filmmakers opted for a more faithful adaptation, though reviews remained mixed.

The Review:
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m biased towards the 1995 Mortal Kombat film (I did write about it for my PhD thesis, after all). However, I’m a big Mortal Kombat fan and was excited to see a new version of it after years of stop/start projects and small screen ventures. Unfortunately, I wasn’t very impressed with the 2021 reboot, mainly because the story was so choppy, the tournament was absent, and the characters weren’t as appealing as the 1995 version. To make matters worse, despite the franchise’s massive roster and already painting fan favourite Johnny Cage as the “Everyman” outsider in 1995, the 2021 film chose to craft a brand-new audience surrogate, Cole Young (Lewis Tan), an athletic but sadly bland character who could’ve easily been Johnny Cage with just a few script tweaks. Mortal Kombat II aimed to address these issues, and more, and you can tell it’s aiming to be closer to the source material right from the start as the intro and titles mimic the opening of its videogame namesake. More areas from the games are also recreated (though through jarringly obvious green screen), fights are occasionally presented in a way that apes the videogames, and series co-creator Ed Boon makes a gratuitous cameo as a bartender. Having stifled manipulative Outworld sorcerer Shang Tsung’s (Chin Han) attempts to sabotage Earthrealm’s warriors in the last film, Lord Raiden (Tadanobu Asano) has moved his chosen fighters to his sky temple to prepare for the generational Mortal Kombat tournament that will determine the fate of humanity. However, also thanks to Shang Tsung, Raiden is one fighter down as Shaolin monk Kung Lao (Max Huang) died in the last film, so he and Lieutenant Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee) head to Hollywood to recruit a new fighter.

Despite overshadowing all the returning fighters, even Cage is side-lined in favour of Kitana.

So, right away there’s some issues. Mortal Kombat ’21 ended with Cole heading to Hollywood to recruit Johnny Cage (Karl Urban), but this film opens with the tournament mere hours away and the washed-up action star still attending conventions rather than fighting. This means we must suffer through a janky, rushed, and frankly insulting first twenty minutes or so as Cage is brought up to speed with the plot. Considering Raiden and the others gave Sonya and Cole such a hard time in the last movie for not carrying the Elder God’s mark or being unprepared for the tournament, they’re oddly far more lenient on Cage, who’s wracked with self-doubt as his glory days are behind him and hilariously incredulous to Earthrealm’s plight. Once he learns that Mortal Kombat is a fight to the death, Cage bows out, only to be forced into fighting anyway because that’s apparently what happens now. While Karl Urban seems a better fight for Kano, he’s one of the few highlights of this film and perfectly captures Cage’s snarky attitude, prima donna arrogance, and bombastic scepticism. It was odd, however, seeing him go from reluctantly fighting Princess Kitana (Adeline Rudolph) to literally running in fear of Baraka (CJ Bloomfield) and suddenly shift from being incapable of fighting to being very competent sometimes in the same fight. Despite being the focal point of the film’s marketing, Cage shares the main character role with Kitana, an Edenina princess forced to serve as tyrannical emperor Shao Kahn’s (Martyn Ford) daughter/assassin who has secretly been conspiring with Raiden to defat Outworld. Having witnessed her father, King Jerrod’s (Desmond Chiam) brutal slaughter and her mother, Queen Sindel’s (Ana Thu Nguyen) enslavement by Shao Kahn, Kitana has every reason to oppose the emperor, not least to liberate her people, which causes conflict between her and her loyal bodyguard, Jade (Tati Gabrielle). Between the two of them, Cage and Kitana present narrative arcs far more compelling than anyone else’s though it is strange that these new films shift the focus away from long-time franchise protagonist Liu Kang (Ludi Lin).

Sadly, returning characters aren’t given much screen time or depth and are killed for shock value.

Indeed, we’re two films in and we know very little about Liu Kang other than he was raised/trained by Raiden and is desperate to save his brother, Kung Lao’s corrupted soul. He’s a pure-hearted fighter and said to be the best of Earthrealm’s warriors, but he has no interaction with Kitana beyond a few respectful bows and glances, meaning his entire arc is centred on trying to help Kung Lao. Liu Kang has little personal rivalry with Shang Tsung or Shao Kahn beyond him wanting to save his realm and few meaningful interactions with Cage either, which is also true of Major Jackson “Jax” Briggs (Mehcad Brooks), Sonya, and Cole. These four only have superficial depth thanks to the previous film; we learn nothing new about them, and they accept Cage so easily that it makes the entire previous film’s plot redundant. Jax and Sonya remain fiercely loyal to each other and are even willing to spare Jade to maintain Raiden’s relationship with Kitana, but there’s no romantic sub-plot between Sonya and Cage. In fact, Liu Kang, Jax, and Sonya are more apt to mock Cage and his fighting skills, which amusingly bites them when Baraka is won over by Cage’s theatrical and unorthodox fighting style. Despite his role in the last movie and being the ancestor of legendary fighter Hanzo Hasashi/Scorpion (Hiroyuki Sanada), tough-skinned cage fighter Cole is pushed far into the background here. There’s a passing mention of his wife and daughter and he’s seen to be as committed to defending Earthrealm as the others, but the spotlight is so far off him it’s almost insulting. With him largely absent from the marketing and so reviled by fans, it’s no surprise that Cole is offed in the tournament, but the execution left a bitter taste in my mouth. For starters, Cole is matched up against the newly invincible Shao Kahn (who really shouldn’t be fighting in the tournament if you ask me). Cole’s unceremonious death is thus a foregone conclusion, but his so-called friends barely react to their loss and are laughing and joking about Cage soon after, with Cole quickly forgotten. And like yeah, I wasn’t a fan of his, but I think he deserved better than that!

Fan favourite characters steal the film but are also frustratingly side-lined.

Despite his garb being closer to his videogame counterpart, Tadanobu Asano continues to disappoint as Raiden. He lacks the stature, gravitas, and charisma of Christopher Lambert and feels like a very weak and ineffectual Thunder God. His character is noticeably and jarringly softened here, with him being much more amicable towards Cage than he was to Cole or Sonya, and the film adds a fatherly slant to his relationship with Liu Kang and Kung Lao. Raiden’s placed in mortal danger here as Shao Kahn has necromancer Quan Chi (Damon Herriman) resurrect foul-mouthed mercenary Kano (Josh Lawson) to acquire the amulet of the fallen Elder God, Shinnok. The corrupted Kung Lao then slices Raiden’s throat to empower the amulet, which gifts Shao Kahn near-immortality and ties Earthrealm’s fate directly to Raiden’s. Although he still doesn’t sport his bionic eye (despite Quan Chi saying they’ll “build him a new one”), Kano remains a highlight. As crude and quick-witted as ever, Kano relishes the chance to get back in the fight but quickly grows tired of Outworld’s desolate offerings and double-crosses the evildoers. Once Kano’s teamed with Johhny Cage, the fil really hits its stride (which sadly come sin the third act) as the two make for a fun duo, scouring the hellish Netherreealm in search of Hasashi and the resurrected Bi-Han (Joe Taslim), formally Sub-Zero (and never referred to as Noob Saibot despite obviously being him) who safeguards Shinnok’s amulet. Sadly, Kano comes in far too late to help with the film’s paper-thin plot or the elevate the frustratingly one-dimensional characters. Equally, the film decides to sideline Sindel, who starts as an avid defender of Edenia and is then seemingly corrupted (presumably by Quan Chi’s dark magic) into Shao Kahn’s bride before being abruptly killed by Sonya and then randomly reappearing so Shao Kahn can interrogate Kitana. Considering how important Sindel usually is to Shao Kahn’s plots and Kitana’s character, it’s bizarre to see her be an afterthought. Jade gets more screen time and relevance as she’s torn between her friendship with Kitana and her loyalty to Shao Kahn!

As unnecessary and underutilised as Shang Tsung and Quan Chi are, Shao Kahn is a force to be reckoned with!

While I wasn’t a fan of Chin Han’s Shang Tsung in the last film (he’s not even comparable to Bruce Locke, let alone the immortal Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), I was equally frustrated and disappointed to see him side-lined in the sequel. Shang Tsung faces no repercussions for his defeat and loses with little authority and menace he had as he’s reduced to the emperor’s underling. It doesn’t help that the movie brings in Quan Chi to resurrect and corrupt fallen fighters, a role that Shang Tsung probably could’ve filled without much issue. On the plus side, Shao Kahn is presented as a monstrous, intimidating figure of unimaginable power even before he gains Raiden’s God-like power. Constantly garbed in intimidating armour, a skull-like helmet, and wielding a devastating battle axe, Shao Kahn is a brutal and menacing villain made even more threatening by his loquacious demeanour. He’s not some mindless despot or a mewling man-child with daddy issues; he’s a cold, calculating villain who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. Crucially, Shao Kahn is seen to be vulnerable despite his stature. He looks like he could easily crush anyone in his path but every fight he’s in is framed in a way that gives his opponent a chance to win as they score glancing blows or even kill shots, only for the emperor to either shrug it off or instantly heal thanks to Shinnok’s amulet. Sure, we don’t get any depth to him or backstory and he’s as simple a character as “big evil bad guy who wants to conquer everything”, but I liked that he wasn’t needlessly killing off his underlings, that he gave his opponents a fighting chance, and that he embodied the character so appropriately. Any time Shao Kahn appeared, you knew some shit was gonna go down and it was very effective seeing people cower and bow to his sheer might, while also sowing the seeds of dissension as Sahng Tsung clearly covets the emperor’s throne and power.

While the fights, gore, and fan service are top notch, they come at the expense of characters and story.

In keeping with the previous film, Mortal Kombat II places a greater focus on its fights and gore than the plot of the characters. On paper, this makes sense and is fine enough for certain audiences, but I miss the heart and the characters of the 1995 film, which also boasted some impressive martial arts. We get a sense of the kind of action star Cage was thanks to some footage of his dreadful action movies, which is fun, but again this is oddly translated into his fights as Cage is just as likely to cry foul and ask for a stunt man despite being a legitimate fighter. The tournament finally features here, with characters being teleported to recognisable locations like the spike-ladened bottom of the pit, the ominous portal bridge, and the acid pits for their fights. Weirdly, the film insults our intelligence by having magic flames go out when fighters are defeated and recycles many of the same locations (the ransacked Edenian town square, for example), but it makes up for this by going all-in with the characters’ special moves. Liu Kang’s tossing fireballs and flaming kicks, Sonya fires her rings, Jax is fully comfortable with his bionic arms, and Kano relishes blasting fools with his eye laser. Naturally, given her prominence, a lot of focus is placed on Kitana’s razor-sharp fans but Jade’s staff gets a lot of time in the spotlight, too. Since Cage repeats Cole’s arc from the last movie, he doesn’t gain his green aura until the finale, but he still punches Baraka in the dick and impresses with his unorthodox fighting. Sindel represents every pre-teen gamer by spamming her banshee scream, leading to Sonya impaling her on the pit’s spikes, and Shao Khan even darts in with his patented shoulder charge. Without a doubt, the film’s best fight sequence is the throwdown between Liu Kang and his revenant brother, with Kung Lao now tossing a gnarly buzzsaw hat that ultimately proves his bloody undoing. Still, before that, the two put on a hell of a physical spectacle as Li Kang desperately tries to reason with his brother before vowing to find a way to free him.

Thanks to a little help and a lot of sacrifices, Kitana avenges her father and ends Shao Kahn’s threat.

This fight’s closest competition come sin the finale, when Cage and Kano recruit Scorpion’s help and battle Bi-Han and his gooey double alongside the ninja-like spectre. It’s always great seeing Scorpion and Sub-Zero clash, though Bi-Han was given even less characterisation than before, sported all new shadow-based powers, and appeared far too late to be as relevant as he could be. While that fight’s going on, Liu Kang and Sonya fight Shao Kahn to rescue the strung-up Kitana, since Jax was also killed by the emperor. This fight also goes a bit south as Liu kang is surprisingly killed, though he accepts his fate as he realises his true destiny was to reunite with Kung Lao in the afterlife. With Sonya down and clearly no match for Shao Kahn, it’s left up to Kitana to oppose the emperor and avenge her father. Unfortunately, despite her obvious fighting talent, Kitana’s hindered by Shao Kahn’s newfound immortality, thus linking her fight to the Netherrealm clash. Luckily, with Scorpion and Jade’s help, Cage and Kano overcome Bi-Han and his double and destroy Shinnok’s amulet, right as Shang Tsung (who randomly pops up after a lengthy absence) is poised to killed Raiden. With the amulet destroyed, Raiden’s returned to full power and Shao Kahn is made mortal, allowing Kitana to disarm and subdue Shao Kahn, unmasking him before her subjugated people and ending him by slicing his head into pieces with her fans. Immediately hailed as Edenia’s queen, Kitana encourages her people to stand and relish their newfound freedom, with Cage later embellishes to impress Baraka and his clan. Having found a new purpose in life, Cage not only follows through on his promise to tutor the Tarkartans but joins Raiden and the others in beginning a new quest. With the captured Quan Chi in tow, Cage and the others set out to rescue their deceased friends, though Sonya vows to kill Kano (again…) once this goal is achieved.

Final Thoughts:
I went into Mortal Kombat II with low expectations. I recently rewatched the 2021 reboot before it and was surprised by how annoyed by it I was, with it’s awful pacing, poor character development, and focus on gore over story. Mortal Kombat II was always going to have an uphill battle because of that, and I really felt like it was weighed down by the reboot’s decisions. Unfortunately, rather than address these in a meaningful way, Mortal Kombat II throws Johnny Cage in our face like a play toy and shunts everyone, not just Cole, to the background, making the last film feel even more redundant as this is the movie that one should’ve been! Luckily, Karl Urban is great as the conceited Cage and I really enjoyed the focus on Kitana, who carried the emotional weight of the barebones plot. Kano also helped with this, but he appears far too late to help as much as he could, same with Scorpion (who I would’ve thought would’ve appeared after Cole’s death…) and Bi-Han. It was great to see Shao Kahn done justice on the big screen, and I did like seeing Quan Chi come back, as overused and unnecessary as he was, and of course the fights and gore were great…when they appeared. I honestly felt like the gore and Fatalities were underplayed this time, and that the tournament again felt very secondary. It lacked the scale seen in the 1995 movie, for one thing, even with the game-accurate locations, and the plot was more focused on Shinnok’s amulet (which Shao Kahn rally didn’t need as he was already unstoppable) rather than more interesting elements, like Sindel and her relationship with Kitana, or Shang Tsung’s aspirations, or the feud between Scorpion and Bi-Han. Ultimately, I give this film the edge over the last one as this is what I wanted to see from the 2021 reboot, but Mortal Kombat II was disappointing to me. it was far too rushed at the start, retread a lot of the same ground, side-lined or underdeveloped returning characters, and was so obviously trying to placate us with fan service that it became insulting.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Mortal Kombat II? Were you also annoyed that Cole Young and the other fighters were side-lined? Did you enjoy Karl Urban’s performance as Johnny Cage? Were you surprised to see Kitana take the spotlight? Which of the fights was your favourite? Did you also find the film rushed and messy Wat are your hopes for a third film? How are you celebrating Mortal Kombat today? Whatever your thoughts, leave a comment below and donate to my Ko-Fi if you want to see more Mortal Kombat content on the site.

Mini Game Corner [Bat-Month]: Batman Returns (Mega Drive)

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Since his first appearance in the pages of Detective Comics, Bruce Wayne/Batman has become a pop culture icon. September celebrates “Batman Day”, the perfect excuse to celebrate this grim and broody vigilante.

Released: October 1992
Developer: Malibu Interactive
MobyGames Score: 6.4

Also Available For: Amiga, Game Gear, Master System, Mega/SEGA-CD, MS-DOS

Quick Facts:
Just as Batman (Burton, 1989) was accompanied by a smorgasbord of merchandise and videogames from Sunsoft, so too was the controversial (but nonetheless profitable) Batman Returns (ibid, 1992). While Konami brought their success with sidescrolling arcade brawlers to the widely praised Super Nintendo version, SEGA got wildly different games released for their consoles. Though echoing Sunsoft’s work on the Mega Drive adaptation of Batman, this version of Batman Returns was regarding as a forgettable brawler at best and a frustrating, unsightly release at worst and is largely seen as inferior to its Super Nintendo counterpart.

First Impressions:
Batman Returns borrows quite a few elements from Sunsoft’s Batman adaptation for the Mega Drive, featuring a nearly identical options menu and some similar gameplay mechanics, while expanding the scope and giving Batman more toys. While you cannot change the game’s difficulty, you can still set how many lives you start with (three, five, or seven) and can now pick between a few control presets. I mapped attack to the A button, jump to B, and Batman’s “Special Weapon” to C. Batman still throws punches but can also execute kicks depending on which direction you press on the directional pad (D-pad). Batman’s feet are so well armoured that they protect him from bullets and attacks so you might want to throw a kick to defend yourself. When jumping, you can tap B to shoot Batman’s grapple and swing from overhead platforms, though you can still fire it upwards while standing still and pressing up and A. If you tap or hold C in mid-air, you either flap or spread Batman’s cape, allowing you to glide across gaps. This is marginally more useful than Batman’s somersault from the last game, but it has an energy meter and, more crucially, level design so cluttered, ugly, and confusing that you never know if you’re going to glide into a bottomless pit! You can replenish Batman’s health by grabbing hearts, collect 1-ups (or earn extra tries by accumulating points), and appear to have unlimited continues. However, this also comes with two major drawbacks that crippled my run. First, if you die when fighting a boss, you respawn at a pre-set checkpoint, meaning the boss’s health is restored. Second, if you exhaust all your lives and continue, you are sent back to the beginning of the stage, which makes Batman Returns needlessly frustrating very quickly.

Ugly graphics, horrendous music, and clunky controls make this a chore to play through.

Batman has a bunch of Special Weapons he can use with C. Each consume ammo, replenished by collecting item-specific power-ups, and is selected from the pause menu. Batman tosses Batarangs, stuns enemies with smoke bombs, fires his grapple gun, disorientates them with a swarm of bats, or throws “super seeking” Batarangs. These last three are the most powerful and cost the most to use so they’re best saved for boss battles, though I also found myself forced to waste a seeker Batarang when a shaft was blocked by enemies above. There are five levels (or “Acts”) with three stages each. Each Act sees Batman pull up in the Batmobile and swoop into the scene but, while Batman is a far bigger sprite than before, he still has no idle animations. He’s also a far bigger target and, though faster, is very slippery and as ungainly as ever. It doesn’t help that the visuals are uncomfortably distorted and pixelated. Batman Returns may retain the Christmas aesthetic of the movie and recreate elements like the gothic architecture and Max Shreck’s cat-themed shops, but it’s painful to look at and listen to. While there are some fun effects, like slanted buildings, and stages are far bigger than in the last Mega Drive game, it’s no fun struggling with the clunky controls, constantly taking damage from enemies or spike pits, or falling down a bottomless pit or to the bottom of the stage because hazards are obscured by foreground objects. Though enemies don’t respawn, everything is too zoomed in and too big, making it difficult to see or know where you’re going, health is sparse, and bosses absorb a bunch of hits before being defeated. While it’s fun seeing the Red Triangle Circus Gang rendered as enemies, it’s weird that stone gargoyles spring to life and attack you and Batman’s again forced to endure some needlessly aggravating platforming challenges.

My Progression:
Although I was immediately put off by the graphics and music of Batman Returns, I found Batman more durable than in the last game and was quite enjoying seeing recognisable landmarks from the movie recreated, however ugly, in each stage. Oswald Cobblepott/The Penguin’s goons and maniacal fowls litter each stage, exploding upon defeat, and stages contain multiple mini bosses. You soon fight Selina Kyle/Catwoman on the rooftops, for example, struggling to avoid her lengthy whip and frustrated to find she’s invulnerable when cartwheeling about. Gotham City itself attacks you as well, with those giant, ostentatious statues flinging gears from the background, and the Penguin battles you in a bell tower, flying about on his comical helicopter umbrella and tossing missiles. At first, this was a bit of a chore, especially as you must grapple up, avoiding gargoyles as you go, if you die against him. But, on my second try, I found the Penguin could easily be cheesed if you stay in one corner and throw punches. Things fell apart in Act 2, however, where one of the Penguin’s brutes stalks about atop one of Shreck’s department stores and tosses giant letters at you. This bastard follows your movements, meaning I couldn’t figure out how to grapple up to him without taking damage and, when I did, he decimated me with his meaty punches and kicks. Technically, this is where my game ended as I was so annoyed by this that I resorted to inputting the stage select code (a chore in itself!) I used this to skip to the inside of the store, where roller-skating punks, knife-tossing temptresses, and bomb-tossing jesters await before giant windows and around escalators. I then got my ass handed to me in a rematch with Catwoman that I had no hope of beating, found the next section started with an insta-kill rolling hazard I couldn’t avoid no matter how hard I tried, and skipped to the Red Triangle Circus stage…where a simple jump over a pit proved too difficult for this heavy-ass Batman!

Unintuitive controls and awful enemy placement make this short game frustrating and tedious.

Honestly, I was glad to be done with the game, which was an assault on my senses and a far cry from the simple, arcade action of the SNES beat-‘em-up. While I couldn’t reliably get the stage select code to work to check out the game’s later stages, a longplay I watched revealed that Batman Returns is only about half an hour long in the right hands. It also turns out that you have to grapple over that pit in Act III and battle through the background cages, but I’m buggered if I’m going to endure this game again any time soon. But, for due diligence, the rest of the game sticks pretty closely to the movie once Batman’s finished swinging about the Red Triangle’s ferris wheel, circus tent, and colourful, hazardous train. Act 4 takes him into the sewers, which feature rushing water slides, gun-toting clowns, and a maze of pipes. This leads to the Penguin’s frozen lair, where Batman slips about on frigid, precarious, often sloped platforms, avoiding icicles and riding ice floats. While there are sadly no vehicle sections here, you do battle the Penguin at the end of each subsequent Act. He flies about in Act 3 tossing buzzsaws, blasts you with toxic sludge from a giant cannon before unloading with his machine gun umbrella in Act 4, and pilots his giant duck vehicle in Act 5, which displays battle damage as you attack. Finally, the dishevelled and maniacal Penguin hops about his lair, blasting with his shotgun-like umbrella while electrical bursts flare overhead. After he’s defeated, Batman battles Catwoman one more time as the credits roll, with her being mysteriously spirited away by cats to end the game.

Continue?
My expectations were low for Batman Returns after how disappointing Sunsoft’s efforts were with Batman and having played the SNES version (through emulation) in my teens. I’ve always known that the Mega Drive version is an entirely different game, which immediately makes it far less appealing, but the reality is so much worse. For everything the developers improved from the last game, there are a bunch of bizarre decisions that make Batman Returns just as bad, if not worse. Visually, the game is dreadful. It’s so muddy and pixelated and almost impossible to see Batman against the drab, overly complicated backgrounds. They’re fantastically faithful to the movie, but that just makes it worse as half the time I couldn’t see enemies or projectiles and most of the time I had no idea if I was gliding into a bottomless pit. I liked Batman’s array of gadgets, but their usefulness is negligible as you’re probably just going to save them for the bosses. Batman’s weird glide doesn’t get much play, thankfully, and the grapple is restricted to just reaching higher ground, but Batman’s still a clunky character with limited moves in his arsenal. As if the visuals weren’t bad enough, the game sounds awful, lacking both Danny Elfman’s timeless score and jaunty tunes to make the janky gameplay more tolerable. I probably could beat this one now that I know how to get around that pit, but I have no desire to come back to it, especially when I could just emulate the SNES version or even try out a Mega Drive conversion of that game. This was ridiculously disappointing, doubly so as there are no vehicle levels despite Batman Returns feature three Bat-vehicles! I’d be surprised if you thought this game was any good but let me know if you did in the comments. While you’re here, why not check out my other Batman-related content or pop over to my Ko-Fi to drop a donation to keep the site going?

Back Issues [A-Day]: Civil War #1-7

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In September 1963 the legendary Stan Lee and Jack Kirby assembled Earth’s mightiest heroes, the Avengers, who formed the backbone of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and become an unbelievably popular franchise.

Story Title: “Civil War” (Part 1 to 7)
Published: 3 May 2006 (cover-dated: July 2006) to 21 February 2007 (cover dated: January 2007)

Writer: Mark Millar
Artist: Steve McNiven

Quick Facts:
Although formed as an answer to the Justice League of America and depicted as Earth’s mightiest heroes, the Avengers faced their greatest test in 2004/2005 when the team infamously disassembled following some devastating losses. This laid the foundation for the “Civil War” event, a sprawling, widely criticised story that pit heroes against each other over disagreements about governmental registration. The event had long-lasting consequences and directly inspired cartoons, films, and videogames despite being a contentious story.

The Review:
One of Marvel’s most controversial events begins in Stamford, Connecticut where celebrity superheroes the New Warriors (Dwayne Taylor/Night Thrasher, Namorita Prentiss, Robbie Baldwin/Speedball, and Zachary Smith, Jr./ Microbe) prepare to storm a house where supervillains Joss Shappe/Speedfreek, Kateri Deseronto/Coldheart, Ralph Roberts/Cobalt Man, and Robert Hunter/Nitro have taken shelter after escaping from Ryker’s Island Penitentiary. Although Microbo is unsure of their chances, Speedball confidently rallies the team to boost their ratings and reputation. Any plans go awry when the New Warriors are spotted, forcing them to charge in blindly, surprisingly holding their own against most of the villains despite the youngsters being seen as second-rate. However, when Namorita tackles Nitro, he maliciously detonates, apparently killing the New Warriors, a bus load of children, and an estimated 800 or 900 others in the immediate area (which is also decimated) live on camera. Captain Steve Rogers/Captain America, Anthony “Tony” Stark/Iron Man, and the X-Men (begrudgingly supervised by the gigantic Sentinels) arrive to help with the rescue effort, with Iron Man chastising the New Warriors for being so reckless and Doctor William “Bill” Foster/Goliath morbidly predicting that the event will be the final straw that turns the public against superhumans. While the subject is debated on television, Stark is personally blamed by a grieving mother as he bankrolls the Avengers and thus puts kids in danger by encouraging them to act outside the law. Very quickly, the media debates whether superhumans should be registered to hold them accountable for their actions, and resentment grows for even celebrated superheroes like Johnny Storm/The Human Torch, who’s brutally attacked outside a nightclub.

Following a tragedy, Marvel’s heroes disagree about the issue of superhuman registration.

The Avengers, New Avengers, X-Men, and the Fantastic Four gather at the Baxter Building to discuss the issue, which basically amounts to forcing super-powered individuals to register their identity and powers with the government or be arrested. While Luke Cage/Power Man sees it as an attempt to shut them down and Eli Bradley/Patriot suggests they go on strike, Iron Man is all for them being better trained and equipped and held accountable for their actions. Sam Wilson/The Falcon is aghast at the idea of giving up their costumes to become “super-cops”, while Doctor Hank Pym/Yellowjacket agrees with the proposal, reasoning that their masks have caused the public to lose faith in them. While James “Logan” Howlett/Wolverine detests the idea and Peter Parker/Spider-Man suggests some would rather quit than give up their anonymity, Susan Storm/The Invisible Woman counters that being public superheroes isn’t that bad, and Danny Rand/Daredevil believes that, either way, things are changing for them. Aboard a Helicarrier, acting head of the Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate (S.H.I.E.L.D.) Maria Hill asks Cap for his opinion and he begrudgingly states he thinks it’ll divide the superhero community, especially the street-level heroes, and lead to civil war. When Maria demands that Cap set an example and arrest his fellow heroes if they step out of line, he vehemently refuses, believing superheroes should be above regular politics. Tired of masked vigilantes running amok, Maria orders her specially trained anti-superhuman response unit to subdue Cap, who easily fights them off and escapes, becoming a fugitive in the process. Doctor Stephen Strange’s concerns are only aggravated when Uatu the Watcher silently appears and Iron Man, Doctor Reed Richards/Mister Fantastic, and Yellowjacket side with the government and push for the Superhuman Registration Act (SRA). Despite being on the run, Cap continues to round up supervillains and recruits others to his cause, while Iron Man and his cohorts officially defend against supervillain attacks, rebuilding public confidence and vowing to bring Cap in (ostensibly to talk him around), and Mr. Fantastic shuns his wife’s concerns to eagerly construct an elaborate prison for any who refuse the SRA, regardless of who they are.

Both sides build teams for their causes, leading to some dramatic moments and fights between them.

When the SRA becomes law, unregistered heroes like Patriot and the other Young Avengers are aggressively hounded by S.H.I.E.L.D., who ironically cause a great deal of property damage non-lethally apprehending them. Undercover as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, Cap rescues the Young Avengers and brings them to Resistance headquarters, where they plan to hide while Nick Fury sets up new secret identities for them. They’re as stunned as thousands of others when Stark has Spider-Man publicly reveal his identity in support of the SRA, though this isn’t enough to convince T’Challa/The Black Panther to buy into Reed’s pitch for a fifty state super police force. Dr. Strange similarly refuses to be a part of it by proxy and Emma Frost/The White Queen firmly declines to have the X-Men get involved as Mutants have faced persecution their whole lives and been shunned when they face similar issues. Hidden behind their bizarre new identities, Cap and his “Secret Avengers” lament all the good they’re now denied from doing (like answering “Make a Wish” requests) because of the SRA yet assist with a petrochemical fire, only for it to be an elaborate trap. Iron Man and his supporters subdue Billy Kaplan/Wiccan and Tyrone Johnson/Cloak to keep Cap from escaping and offer Cap amnesty again. Although Spidey insists that registration is the best way to fight the real bad guys, Cap dismisses him for endangering his loved ones and tricks Iron Man into thinking he’s willing to hear him out, short-circuiting his armour and starting a scuffle. Spidey’s fancy Iron Spider suit buys Stark enough time to reboot and out-fight Cap by analysing his attack patterns. When Hercules Panhellenios rushes in to help, the fight’s interrupted by what appears to be Thor Odinson, returned from the dead, who physically decimates the Secret Avengers just as Iron Man blasts them with a debilitating audio burst.

Goliath’s death sees Spidey rebel against Stark, who’s actively hunting his allies.

Hercules disables the device, allowing the Falcon to fly the beaten, bloody Cap to safety, though everyone’s aghast when Thor suddenly kills Goliath with a lightning blast! Protected by the Invisible Woman, the survivors flee via Cloak’s teleporting cape and Iron Man’s supporters are left horrified that his Thor clone would be so reckless, with Spider-Man and Yellowjacket questioning their decisions while the injured Cap refuses to abandon his principles even as some of his supporters leave in the fallout. Though remorseful, Stark and Reed also stick to their guns, even after Sue leaves her husband to join the Secret Avengers with Johnny. As more of their people are defecting or disappearing by the day, Stark and Reed coerce supervillain team the Thunderbolts (including Lester/Bullseye, MacDonald “Mac” Gargan/Venom, and Tony Masters/Taskmaster) into temporarily bolstering their forces. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s increased street presence curtails crime rates, but they struggle to apprehend the wayward heroes, even with guys like Kyle Richmond/Nighthawk joining the cause (and receiving full pardons and a wage). However, when he learns of Stark’s high-tech prison in the Negative Zone, Spidey finally snaps and turns on Iron Man, disagreeing with his morals, lashing out when Stark chastises him, and forcing Maria (against Stark’s orders) to send the Thunderbolts after him. Attacked by Jody Putt/Jester and Steven Levins/Jack O’Lantern in the sewers, the battered Spidey is saved by Frank Castle/The Punisher, who executes his attackers and brings the grievously wounded Peter to the Secret Avengers. Despite all the good the SRA is doing, even Reed questions the process, especially after Daredevil is arrested, though Stark remains adamant that they’re doing the right thing and even offers Daredevil a team of his own if he registers, which does little to improve the vigilante’s opinion of him. While Pym and Maria train pro-SRA agents in Arizona, vetoing potential team members for each state and assigning codenames to others, Reed reprograms “Thor” and Iron Man celebrates the positive impact the SRA has had on crime, all unaware that the Punisher is covertly infiltrating the Baxter Building.

Cap reluctantly surrenders, outlawing many heroes and changing Marvel for many years.

Inside, the Punisher relays details of the Negative Zone prison to Cap. With Spider-Man recovered and back on side, Cap uses the Punisher’s intel to discuss plans to storm the Negative Zone prison. However, Cap brutally beats the Punisher when he guns down David Kivlin/The Plunderer and Matthew Gilden/Goldbug, villains who sought refuge with the Secret Avengers, expelling him from the team in disgust. After Stark pacifies the public by memorialising the Stanford victims, the Secret Avengers (aided by the Black Panther) break into the Negative Zone prison, where they’re immediately confronted by Iron Man and his supporters thanks to a tipoff from Grer Nelson/Tigra. However, Cap anticipated this and had shapeshifter Teddy Altman/Hulkling impersonate Yellowjacket, allowing them to free the prisoners and igniting a brawl. Despite the Black Panther’s best efforts, Maria has S.H.I.E.L.D. shut down the Negative Zone portals, forcing Cloak to teleport everyone to the skies above New York City. Iron Man immediately orders an evacuation but continues the fight, which sees Spidey take it to Mr. Fantastic, the Thunderbolts gang up on Cap, and Namor bring the Atlanteans to tip the balance for the Secret Avengers. Iron Man calls in “Thor” and their new recruits to even the odds, but Hercules avenges his friend by destroying the Thor cyborg and Taskmaster gets crushed when he guns down Reed in front of Sue. His armour compromised by the Vision, Iron Man is easily overpowered by Cap, who’s jumped by civilians and emergency workers. Realising the damage they’ve caused with their petty squabble, a repentant Cap dramatically stands down, orders his troops to stop fighting, and surrenders to the authorities. In the aftermath, the 50 State Initiative places government-controlled superhero teams in every state (to unanimous public approval). Stark is promoted to S.H.I.E.L.D. Director and Sue reluctantly returns to a remorseful Reed, while Cap is locked up and the Secret Avengers go deeper underground, with the Punisher retrieving his mask and Spider-Man returning to his black costume…

Final Thoughts: 
This was my first time reading Civil War, an event I followed through websites and such at the time but had little interest in even after the blockbuster quasi-adaptation came out as I disliked the entire concept. Not the idea of superheroes fighting against each other; I don’t mind that. I disliked seeing the Marvel heroes so easily and aggressively divided by the core issue and how out of character everyone acted throughout it. It doesn’t help that the art isn’t that great either, with Spider-Man looking especially odd, or that these seven issues were accompanied by numerous tie-ins that filled in some gaps. For example, Spidey’s change of heart is largely glossed over here and is presumably fleshed out in a tie-in comic. Similarly, the Thunderbolts don’t get much to do and the New Warriors are all presumed dead here, and you’d never know that blind Matt Murdock wasn’t Daredevil or exactly what happens in the Negative Zone or with the X-Men if you just stick to the main story. Yet, paradoxically, that’s exactly what I’d suggest you do as Civil War isn’t exactly Marvel’s finest hour and I can’t imagine any of the supplementary materials helps with that. The whole event is based on shock value, from the New Warriors’ recklessness killing nearly 1000 people to Peter dramatically unmasking to seeing superheroes hunted and arrested, to seeing the Avengers turn on each other. It’s all framed as being a shocking event but so much of it just falls flat because of the aforementioned poor characterisations of many of the key players.

The poor characterisations really ruin this already questionable event for me.

Spider-Man is a great example. Initially, as expected, he’s against the SRA because exposing his identity would compromise his loved ones. The very idea of outing himself flies in the face of his “power/responsibility” manta, and yet Stark convinces Peter to do it! I believe it’s explained in a tie-in issue that Peter was convinced by assurances that his family would be protected, he would be looked after, and by the conviction of his mentor, but none of that makes it any better. Spidey should’ve been a non-factor in the story, taking neither side like the X-Men and doing his own thing, but that doesn’t shock as much as seeing him unmask on live television, does it? This is the story that introduced me to Maria Hill and I’ve hated her ever since. She’s a condescending, arrogant bitch who clearly hates superheroes and vigilantes and resents playing second fiddle to them. While she and S.H.I.E.L.D. justify their actions as being the best, most sensible option, they completely disregard all the good these heroes have done and dispassionately lock them up, only to happily work with murderers and psychopaths like the Thunderbolts! Iron Man is the absolute worst example of character assassination here, being a despicable, unlikable, selfish asshole that soured his character for years. I do understand his motivations and, in his own way, he is right: superheroes should be held accountable for their actions. But the way he goes about it is all wrong. He turns against his friends and peers, happily hunting them down and locking them up, talking down to them with his pleas for amnesty and holier-than-thou attitude. Him and Reed are at their most self-absorbed and egotistical here, shunning family and friends just to appease the public and completely destroying their legacies.

Civil War ends up being a messy, unappealing drama full of stubborn fools and bad decisions.

To be fair, while I’m Team Cap all the way, it’s not like Cap is much better. Like Stark, he’s a stubborn, prideful man who quickly loses sight of the big issue and focuses more on building his numbers and besting Team Stark over anything else. It’s funny because I always imagined Steve would be pro-registration and Stark would be against it, but it’s more impactful seeing Cap reject boneheaded governmental mandates. Cap is right that superpowered individuals shouldn’t be forced to reveal their identities and he immediately looks better because he’s not locking people up, working with supervillains, or acting like a complete dickhead like Stark, but he lets his principles blind him. If Cap had parlayed with Iron Man, attempted a compromise, things might’ve deescalated faster. Instead, his first reaction is to lash out and form an army to fight against the SRA rather than attempting to appeal to reason, escalating the conflict into a massive brawl that causes further damage. Civil War seems to be another attempt by Marvel to deconstruct their heroes and the status quo, which is always divisive as it goes against everything you expect from these characters. The fallout, especially, had huge ramifications for the likes of Cap and Spidey, so say nothing of the 50 State Initiative and the eventually evolution of the Thunderbolts. I appreciate the effort to try something different, but everything feels very rushed and poorly executed. I kept wondering if certain characters (Stark, especially) had been replaced by Skrulls or something but, while this was true for some, it wasn’t for others, meaning Marvel had to scramble to find ways to walk back all the stupid decisions made here. I’d say Civil War is a pivotal story in Marvel’s long history, but I’m glad that it’s long been resolved and much of its events were undone as I’ve ever enjoyed it.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Civil War? Were you on Team Cap or Team Stark? Were you shocked when Peter unmasked and Goliath was killed? Did you ever read all the tie-in comics? Who do you think acted the most out of character here? What are some of your favourite Avengers stories or moments and how are you celebrating their debut? Let me know your thoughts on Civil War and the Avengers below, and support me on Ko-Fi for more Avengers content.