The Date: 5 November 1994 The Venue: ECW Arena; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania The Commentary: Joey Styles The Referee: Freddie Gilbert The Stakes: ECW Death Match between rivals / impromptu singles match
The Build-Up: Back when the then-World Wrestling Federation (WWF) and World Championship Wrestling (WCW) were going head-to-head in a heated ratings war, Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) found a way to stand out from the “Big Boys” with their extreme brand of sports entertainment. Originally known as Eastern Championship Wrestling, ECW was re-branded by one of wrestling’s greatest minds, managers, and promoters, Paul Heyman, and came to be known for its violent and controversial matches and content, which was instrumental in inspiring the WWF’s “Attitude Era”. ECW also offered a stage for some of wrestling’s most talented technicians and luchadores and allowed future wrestling stars and Hall of Famers to hone their characters and craft. By 1994, ECW had developed a cult following with the rabid Philadelphia crowd at the ECW Arena, though they were still a few years away from airing their first pay-per-view, Barely Legal; instead, ECW hosted supercard events such as this one from the ECW Arena. Although November to Remember 1994 featured “The Franchise” Shane Douglas defending his ECW World Heavyweight Championship against Ron Simmons, the main event went to their “Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal, Death–Defying Maniac”, Sabu, and former Pegasus Kid, Chris Benoit, after they previously battling to a count out on an episode of ECW Hardcore TV earlier in October. Aside from the greater controversy surrounding any Benoit match, which I’ll touch upon later, this match also gained infamy after a botched suplex saw Sabu suffer a broken neck, earning Benoit the nickname “The Crippler” and Sabu a reputation was one of wrestling’s toughest competitors.
The Match: Although I’ve never had much history with ECW beyond what I’ve seen from their competitors in other promotions, I’m always interested to take a look back at what they were up to while the big guns duked it out over ratings and haemorrhaged money trying to put their competition out of business. Some of my favourite wrestlers got their start in ECW and, arguably, peaked while in the Land of the Extreme, and one of my favourite wrestlers when I started getting into the sport was Chris Benoit. He wasn’t the biggest guy or the most charismatic, but he was scarily intense in the ring and had a sadistic edge that made him seem so dangerous at the time. I, like many, fully bought him as an under-rated and under-appreciated talent and was pleased as anything by his ascension to the main event, but of course it’s extremely difficult to separate the man’s work from his horrendous final hours so it can be a bit tough to rewatch his matches. Still, this is one of his most notorious bouts so I wanted to get into it to get an understanding of how Benoit built an aura around his character following this match, and it’s very surreal to see him so young, and sporting a mullet!
A botched suplex broke Sabu’s neck and caused a brawl to break out to distract the audience.
Benoit was very anxious to get things underway at the beginning of the match; luckily for him, Sabu didn’t waste any time and went right at him, a decision that proved disastrous as Sabu ended up feeling the brunt of Benoit’s attack. A knee to the gut and a suplex over the ropes dropped Sabu, who was still recovering from three broken ribs, and then the match took a sudden and unexpected turn. Benoit hooked Sabu up into a kind of T-Bone Suplex and launched him into the air, but Sabu rotated awkwardly and came crashing down right on his neck! Sabu was able to roll out of the ring but it was pretty clear that he was badly hurt from the move as the referee and Paul Heyman frantically checked on him. Benoit played to the crowd and tried to keep the show going as best he could, something helped by Sabu’s cohort, 911, challenging him so Sabu could get medical attention. Benoit refused 911’s challenge since he didn’t sign a contract to fight him but eventually jumped him from behind to get some cheap shots in. 911 planted him with a chokeslam, however, and got the three count…though the bell didn’t ring so I’m not sure how official it was…The ECW Tag Team Champions, Public Enemy, then rushed the big man with baseball bats to keep him away from Benoit, then the rest of the ECW locker room rushed the ring for a massive brawl to take the attention away from the clearly injured Sabu.
Benoit and Scorpio battled to a no contest to try and salvage to show.
Eventually, Joey Styles declared that Benoit was the winner of the match by default since Sabu was unable to continue. Benoit then mocked Sabu on the mic, earning the ire of 2 Cold Scorpio and resulting in an impromptu match between the two. Benoit took Scorpio down with a clothesline and hit a huge powerbomb for a two count; a snap suplex followed but Benoit was floored after Scorpio ducked under a chop and hit a crescent kick. This was enough for Benoit, who took a powder to allow his Public Enemy buddies to jump Scorpio, only for them to be taken down by Scorpio’s martial arts skills. As the ECW locker room surrounded the ring, Benoit took control once again with a back elbow and a beautiful superplex for a near fall. Frustrated, Benoit sat Scorpio back on the top rope and tried for an avalanche back suplex only for Scorpio to counter it into a pinning predicament for a two count. The double-underhook suplex also earned Scorpio a two count, as did a really clumsy looking and potentially dangerous victory roll from the top rope (that was almost like a reverse Frankensteiner, of sorts). Shrugging off a side kick, Benoit took the action to the outside and smashed Scorpio’s face off the steel steps; Benoit then launched Scorpio into the metal guard rail and hopped into the ring but the match ended on a double count out regardless. Pissed off, Scorpio rushed Benoit with a steel chair and chased him from the ring before talking shit about him on the mic to end the show. Obviously, if you wanted to see Benoit fight Sabu then you’re going to be disappointed, but I think they did a decent job making the most of a bad situation. The crowd didn’t seem annoyed at what happened; if anything, they were cheering Benoit on as he took on Scorpio and they seemed to enjoy the brawl, but this was a bit of a mess thanks to that horrendous botch and just goes to show that anything can happen in a wrestling ring.
The Aftermath: Sabu’s refusal to break character and speak English almost exacerbated his injury when he was taken to hospital following the botch. He managed to recover, however, and was back in ECW by 1995 for a very public firing when he chose to accept a booking for New Japan Pro-Wrestling (NJPW) over defending the ECW Tag Team Championships in a match that would’ve seen him share the ring with Chris Benoit again. Since Sabu no-showed the match, he never wrestled Benoit again as the Crippler jumped back to WCW. This wouldn’t be the last time Sabu broke his neck, however; he broke it again in December 1998 during a match against Taz and came to be known for similar disastrous injuries and speaking out against World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). Benoit would, of course, eventually make his way to the WWF and achieve his World Championship dreams only to forever tarnish his legacy by murdering his wife, son, and taking his own life in one of wrestling’s worst tragedies.
My Rating:
⭐
Rating: 1 out of 5.
Terrible
Were you shocked by what happened at November to Remember 1994? Who were you hoping would win the match before the injury happened? Were you satisfied by the impromptu contest between Chris Benoit and 2 Cold Scorpio? What is the worst botch you’ve ever seen in a wrestling match? Were you a fan of Sabu? What are your thoughts on Benoit and his tarnished legacy? Did you watch ECW back in the day and, if so, who were some of your favourite wrestlers and what were some of your favourite matches and moments? Would you like to see the November to Remember event brought back? Whatever your thoughts, feel free to leave them below or drop a comment on my social media.
Toho’s famous atomic beast, and easily the most recognisable kaiju in the entire world, Gojira first emerged to wreck the city of Tokyo on this day all the way back in 1954 and, in 2016, the day was subsequently declared “Godzilla Day”.
Released: 20 December 1964 Director: Ishirō Honda Distributor: Toho Budget: Unknown Stars: Haruo Nakajima, Yosuke Natsuki, Shoichi Hirose, Akiko Wakabayashi, Masanori Shinohara, and Takashi Shimura
The Plot: An alien prophetess (Wakabayashi) predicts catastrophic attacks from Godzilla (Nakajima) and Rodan (Shinohara), leading to Mothra intervening to defend humanity. However, when the hydra-like space dragon King Ghidorah (Hirose) appears, the warring kaiju must set aside their differences to battle this devastating new foe.
The Background: 6th August 1946. The height of the Second World War. The Americans dropped two nuclear weapons on Hiroshima and Nagaski, killing tens of thousands of people and forcing the Japanese Imperial Army to surrender. The radioactive fallout saw thousands more dying, and post-war Japan was gripped with nuclear fear, a fear that birthed Gojira, the living embodiment of nuclear destruction. However, soon after this debut in Godzilla (Honda, 1954), the King of the Monsters turned from Japan’s destroyer to its reluctant saviour, defending the country from other kaiju attacks as a matter of principal. Following the commercialsuccess of Godzilla’s last two movies, Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster was rushed into release; it included the return and redesign of fellow kaiju Rodan after a nearly ten-year absence, a recycled Mothra animatronic with marginal changes, and Toho’s most complex kaiju yet, the three-headed dragon King Ghidorah. Arguably Godzilla’s greatest nemesis, King Ghidorah was conceived by Godzilla creator Tomoyuki Tanaka and inspired by the Lernaean Hydra and the Orochi of Japanese folklore, and its debut feature was so successful that it reappeared in Toho’s next giant-monster film the following year.
The Review: Our story opens with reporter Naoko Shindo (Yuriko Hoshi) visiting a communications centre that’s trying to contact extraterrestrials. Headed by their resident expert (Someshô Matsumoto), they truly believe that “flying saucer people” are out there, and wary of non-believers, so much that Naoko’s scepticism is blamed for their failure to communicate with the aliens. For a group of presumed scientists and academics, they’re oddly fanatical about this; since the world is experiencing an unseasonable heat wave, they’re concerned that a catastrophe is looming and believe the saucer people are their only chance of salvation and find Naoko’s ditzy disinterest to be insultingly narrow-minded…even though she’s simply there to do a job and desires proof. You know, the kind of evidence scientists strive to gather. A small meteor shower interrupts their meeting and draws Naoko’s friend, Professor Murai (Hiroshi Koizumi), and his team to investigate. They discover a large cocoon-like meteor that randomly emits magnetic waves and leaves them baffled. Naoko’s brother, Detective Shindo (Natsuki), likes to tease Naoko about her friendship with Murai; although grown adults, they still bicker like children, and she doesn’t appreciate his remarks or him getting in the way of her career. Shindo is stunned when he’s assigned to protect the visiting Princess Salno of Selgina (Wakabayashi), who’s facing assassination from her ruthless uncle (Shin Ôtomo), who desires her throne. Shindo is even more stunned when Salno appears to be killed when her plane explodes and she crops up as a doomsaying Prophetess who claims to be from Mars and warns that the world faces impending doom unless humanity changes their ways and takes better care of the environment, much to the jeers and doubts of the public.
Shindo and his sister are caught up with a mysterious woman who claims to be from Mars!
Assuming that Salno faked her death to escape her uncle’s assassin (Hisaya Ito), Shindo volunteers to bring her into protective custody, causing a brief conflict when he finds Naoko shielding her in hopes of getting an exclusive story. Drawn from her plane before the explosion by a disembodied alien presence that possesses her, psychiatrist Doctor Tsukamoto (Shimura) later reveals that the Prophetess is just one of a displaced, highly advanced alien race that fled to Earth and assimilate themselves into humanity, losing many of their fantastic abilities in the process, when the Red Planet was decimated by Ghidrah. One of the deadpan Prophetess’ remaining abilities is the ability to predict pending disasters that are repeatedly mocked and ignored; she warns people away from Mount Aso, where the prehistoric kaiju Rodan emerges from the volcano, and advises the fairy-like Shobijin (Emi and Yumi Itō) not to sail home to the benevolent Mothra on Infant Island, which they heed and are thus spared a violent death from Godzilla’s atomic breath. Despite the looming kaiju threat, the assassin and his cohorts continually hound the Prophetess, determined to kill her as per their orders, in a bizarre side-plot that honestly distracts from what we’re all here to see (but I guess it makes a change from following a soldier or a reporter as these films often do). Even with the three kaiju battling in the foreground, the assassin tries to complete his mission and yet somehow misses the easiest kill shot in the world! Although Shindo rushes to her aid and a brief firefight ensues, the assassin is ultimately crushed under falling rocks from the kaiju battle. In all the chaos, Shindo is wounded from a bullet and the Prophetess takes a grazing shot to the head and a nasty fall that conveniently sees the alien presence driven from her body…
Mothra is asked to unite rivals Godzilla and Rodanwhen Ghidrah goes on a rampage.
By this film, kaiju are well established; despite them slumbering for great lengths of time and occasionally defending humanity, they’re generally regarded as unpredictable and dangerous. One of the most popular and benign is Mothra, who’s such a celebrity that his fairy companions appear on television to reveal that one of the Mothra larvae has died since the previous film and that the remaining larvae is worshipped as a God. Sadly, for a film that boasts four kaiju, it takes ages to see them onscreen, and over forty minutes for Godzilla to show up! Even worse, although Godzilla’s clearly enraged at Rodan’s presence and they awkwardly exchange blows, the film initially focuses on dull political debate and fades to black right as things are getting interesting. The meteor eventually yields the most visually striking aspect of the film, and Godzilla’s greatest nemesis, the titular Ghidrah, a three-headed dragon covered in golden scales. With the Japanese military refusing to employ atomic weapons, they turn to the Shobijin to plead for Mothra’s help. Unfortunately, the fairies admit that Mothra alone isn’t strong enough to battle Ghidrah and the only hope for victory is for the larvae to convince Godzilla and Rodan to team up against the demonic dragon. It takes some time for Ghidrah to cross paths with its foes; until then, the focus is on Godzilla and Rodan, who battle furiously with neither one having a clear advantage (Rodan’s fight allows it to keep Godzilla off-balance and even pick him up and dump him on some power lines, but Godzilla’s functionally indestructible and simply grows more enraged the longer the fight rages on). Their pig-headedness means Ghidrah causes havoc unopposed by either the kaiju or the miliary; indeed, the military don’t even mobilise their tanks or planes to engage Ghidrah and, instead, the ineffectual government places all their faith in Mothra and his desperate plan to join forces with Godzilla and Rodan.
The Nitty-Gritty: You may have noticed a few inconsistences in my review; these are due to me watching the English dub, which has the Prophetess and her people originate from Mars rather than Venus, pronounces and spells Ghidorah’s name differently and drops its regal title, and changes the traditionally female Mothra to a male. While some purists may argue that the original Japanese audio and English titles are superior (and they’re often right), I usually always go with the dubbed version just to make things easier and because of the often-hilarious line delivery. The film contains an environmental message that echoes sci-fi classic TheDay the Earth Stood Still (Wise, 1951); decades before global warming was the hot buzz word, Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster warns about such disastrous concerns as climate change and global warming. The Prophetess foretells that humanity is doomed if they don’t change their ways, but this message falls a little flat as her warnings are not actually about mankind directly and instead refer to the monstrous kaiju that threaten their world. While technically these creatures (with the exception of Ghidrah) could be said to be man-made, given they were mutated by radiation and such, they’re usually always more depicted as a force of nature. Godzilla, especially, is usually always the embodiment of nature’s wrath and man’s hubris taking destructive revenge upon the world, so it’s a little weird to say “you’re dooming yourselves” when actually you mean “a big-ass alien monster’s gonna wreck shit”.
The film is definitely ambitious with its suit effects, though maybe a little too ambitious at times.
Although it takes forever for Godzilla to finally make an appearance, he’s as impressive as ever; while the suit is bulky and incapable of blinking, it’s always a joy to see Godzilla trampling model buildings as people flee in terror. Emerging from its cocoon in a shower of sparks and animated lights, Ghidrah makes for an intimidating foe with its three screeching heads and chaotic lighting blasts; like Rodan, Ghidrah devastates everything in its path with a supersonic crash and, like Godzilla, it emits destructive energy beams, but in the form of wild and crackling lightning. Unfortunately, it does look incredibly ungainly with its bulbous body and lack of arms; while its three dragon-like heads go some way too make up for this handicap, biting and attacking with malicious intent, they also look a bit dodgy flopping and flailing all over the place and I really do think Ghidrah would be even more threatening if it had arms and talons to grab and attack with and just make its body look a little less comical. Unlike their counterparts, Rodan and Mothra are far less versatile and clunky; Rodan may still be a man in a suit but his flying scenes are realised through obvious wires and a powerful wind machine, while Mothra is purely a partially animatronic creature that bumbles about the place spitting silly string because, maddeningly, the filmmakers decided to keep Mothra in his larvae form rather than utilise the more visually interesting (if equally restrictive) moth form. Rodan’s flying scenes are, admittedly, pretty ridiculous; I admire the filmmakers for trying to inject some variety with their kaiju designs and have always had a soft spot for Rodan, but it’s laughable seeing the static model being strung along on wires (alongside a jet engine sound effect) and bashing into Godzilla. Godzilla still uses his atomic breath rather than a destructive beam of energy, meaning both are noticeably weaker than I’d usually expect from the King of the Monsters; Rodan can take the breath at point-blank range and even comically disorientates Godzilla by pecking him repeatedly in the head!
Eventually the three kaiju come together to scare Ghidrah off with ridiculous ease.
Honestly, the fight between Godzilla and Rodan is pretty ridiculous thanks to the filmmakers just being a little too ambitious; Rodan flies about, pecks at Godzilla and its tail, and pushes the Big G back with powerful wind blasts, and Godzilla mostly flails his little arms, whacks Rodan with his tail in a glorified slap fest, and sends rocks flying at his foe that fail to hit with any convincing impact. The two even play dead man’s volley with the boulders, which is presented as two Apex Predators looking to prove their might, and they’re only subdued when Mothra tangles them up in silly string to plead for their co-operation. The Shobijin are on hand to translate; despite their differences, Godzilla and Rodan agree that they have nothing to gain from helping humans and have no interest in getting involved and would rather fight each other. However, the two quickly change their minds when they see Mothra bravely taking on Ghidrah alone and be easily overwhelmed by its lightning bolts. Not that Godzilla or Rodan initially fare much better; Godzilla gets blasted into a bridge and engulfed in raging flames and Rodan injures itself more than its monstrous foe when it knocks Ghidrah out of the air. With Rodan forced to take cover from Ghidrah’s lightning, Godzilla literally drags Mothra back into the fray and goes back to his tried-and-true strategy of chucking and kicking rocks and gets blasted in the crotch for his troubles! Eventually, Godzilla, Rodan, and Mothra come together as best as they (and their cumbersome suits) allow to overwhelm Ghidrah; Godzilla wrestles with it, absorbing the brunt of its attacks, while Mothra nips at its tail and engulfs it with String Shot while being carried on Rodan’s back. Somehow, this is enough to force the hydra to flee, bringing the battle to an anti-climatic end. In the aftermath, Princess Salno exhibits no memories of her time as a Martian beyond a lingering gratitude for Shindo and Mothra heads back to Infant Island with the Shobijin, bidding a fond farewell to his new allies, who have set aside their grievances.
The Summary: Geez, I may apologise for Godzilla movies a lot and cut them some slack, but this was a pretty awful movie to sit through! The tone is all over the place, emphasising the importance of respecting the world and avoiding global disaster on one hand and then having slapstick kaiju violence the next. While Ghidrah may look intimidating and is depicted as a crazed, destructive alien beast, it’s defeated with a pathetic amount of ease; the film makes a big deal about how Mothra isn’t strong enough to defeat the creature, yet all Godzilla does is hold it still and all Rodan does is carry Mothra so he can string it up! The bulk of the monster madness is focused on Godzilla and Rodan, which would be fine if the fights weren’t so laughably bad! This is only Godzilla’s fifth movie so I understand that all the kinks weren’t figured out yet, and I get that there’s only so much you can do with puppets and suitmation, but maybe the filmmakers should’ve set their goals a little lower and simply focused on Godzilla battling with Mothra and left Rodan out of this since it really didn’t do much against Ghidrah that couldn’t have been accomplished without it. The film also spends way too much time focusing on this batshit crazy Martian presence, or whatever, when it should’ve been focused on the mystery of the glowing meteor. I would’ve skipped the Prophetess and incorporated her environmental message into Shindo, rewritten him to be a scientist investigating the meteor, and had Naoko cover the emergence of the kaiju. Again, I get that we need to follow human characters, but they dominate the film’s runtime and just aren’t very interesting, especially compared to what should’ve been an epic assembling of four bad-ass kaiju with the fate of the Earth at stake. Instead, I never felt like humanity was threatened by Ghidrah and the kaiju action was severely lacking due to the imitations of the suits, meaning Ghidrah’s big debut film ended up being a dull and ultimately forgettable experience for me.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
What did you think to King Ghidorah’s debut film? Were you also disappointed by the bonkers human sub-plot, or did you enjoy the alien narrative? What did you think to the build up to King Ghidorah’s appearance and powers? Did you also find the kaiju battles lacking? Which incarnation of King Ghidorah is your favourite? What is your favourite Godzilla movie and why? How are you celebrating Godzilla Day this year? Whatever your thoughts onGodzilla and King Ghidorah, feel free to leave a comment below and be sure to check out my other Godzilla and kaiju reviews across the site!
Bloody Hell: An Anthology of UK Indie Horror This collection of 27 horror shorts from some of the United Kingdom’s best indie authors incudes my Scottish-set chiller, “Hungry is th’ Bodach”.
Unveiling Nightmares My short horror story, “Date Night”, appeared in the first issue of Crystal Baynam’s Unveiling Nightmares magazine and in her first Horror Anthology publication.
The Day of the Dead (or Dia de los Muertos) is a traditional Latin American holiday on which, every November 1st, the lives of deceased loved ones are celebrated with food, drink, parties, and a great deal of masquerade involving the calacas and calaveras (skeletons and skulls). For me, this seems like the perfect excuse to look back on the long-running and ever-changing zombie genre that was largely popularised by director George A. Romero, which I devoted a great deal of my PhD thesis towards and which has often been used as a parallel to various aspects of society and culture.
Released: 1 October 1968 Director: George A. Romero Distributor: Continental Distributing Budget: $114,000 to 125,000 Stars: Duane Jones, Judith O’Dea, Karl Hardman, Marilyn Eastman, and Kyra Schon
The Plot: When the recently deceased suddenly return to life, traumatised Barbra (O’Dea) takes shelter in a farmhouse alongside pragmatic Ben (Jones) and antagonistic Harry Cooper (Hardman). With tensions rising and the walking dead closing in, the group struggles to survive, co-exist, and make sense of this strange phenomenon.
The Background: Ever since the 1930s, zombies have appeared in movies in one form or another, either as mindless slaves, voracious cannibals, or in their most famous form: the shambling undead. After growing bored with directing television commercials, George A. Romero and his friends, John Russo and Russell Steiner, decided to capitalise on growing trends for more bizarre content and produce a horror movie. Initially conceived of as a horror comedy about adolescent aliens, it was Russo who decided the creatures being flesh-eating reanimated corpses, which Romero infused with heavy inspiration from the macabre revolutionary themes of I Am Legend (Matheson, 1954) and its first screen adaptation, The Last Man on Earth (Salkow and Ragona, 1964). Although the role of Ben was written as a Caucasian, Duane Jones impressed Romero in his audition and the script was revised based on his input; his casting and portrayal inspired numerous racial readings and made the film surprisingly progressive for the time. The low-budget impacted the options available to the filmmakers; chocolate syrup, entrails from butcher shops, and simple make-up effects brought the gore and ghouls to gruesome life and, while simplistic by today’s standards, proved shocking and outrageous at the time. Despite the controversy it caused, Night of the Living Dead was a massive hit with its box office gross of over $30 million; although critics dismissed it at the time, Night of the Living Dead has since been regarded as a horror classic, one of the best of its era, and it was preserved in the National Film Registry in 1999. The film was not only followed by subsequent sequels (both official and unofficial) and (thanks to an agreement between Romero and Russo) a similarly-named adjacent series) that expanded and refined the zombie concept, but heavily influenced the portrayal of zombies for decades. Remade in 1990 to recoup some profit after legal issues saw the original become public domain, Night of the Living Dead is also the most remade film in history.
The Review: When I decided to spend a year of my PhD discussing the original Resident Evil movies (Various, 2002 to 2016), I found myself deeply entrenched in the rich and lengthy lore of zombie cinema, tracking their origins as voodoo slaves in White Zombie (Halperin, 1932), their vampire-like depiction in I Am Legend and the first of its many adaptations, The Last Man on Earth, and, of course, charting the history of Romero’s genre-defining depiction of the living dead. I found that zombies are one of the most enduring horror creatures not just in cinema, but in mainstream media; they’ve been as persistent as they appear in movies, changing from shambling ghouls to rage-filled savages, and continue to be popular inclusions in horror media thanks to how versatile they are. Honestly, though, this kind of research and in-depth exposure to zombie cinema kind of ruined my appreciation for zombie movies; many are low-budget, derivative affairs or simply repeat the same lessons established by Romero decades ago, meaning it can be hard to find quality zombie movies. Although well renowned as the grandfather of this sub-genre of horror, Romero’s first effort in bringing zombies to un-life is fraught with issues, ranging from the obvious low budget and stilted performances to inconsistences in the portrayal and behaviour of the titular living dead as these aspects wouldn’t be refined until the far more visually and philosophically interesting (but, blasphemously, still quite tedious, in my opinion) sequel. I also feel compelled to specify here that I’m looking at the black and white original rather than the many different re-releases or the bastardised colour version, simply to give my thoughts on Romero’s original vision as depicted so controversially decades ago.
Unlike Ben, who takes charge as a resourceful leader, Barbra is little more than a traumatised mouse.
We open with Barbra and her brother, Johnny (Russell Streiner), reaching the end of a regular 200-mile round trip to place a wreath on their father’s grave at the behest of their mother. Johnny, exasperated at regularly having to waste his days commemorating a man he barely even remembers, just wants to get back home and stop throwing away good money for sentiment. While Barbra is happy to make the trip and thinks fondly of her father, Johnny has no time for lingering and amuses himself by teasing Barbra since she’s still scared by cemeteries. Indeed, Barbra’s previous resolve in chastising Johnny’s attitude falters when he starts bullying her, but they’re both horrified when a strange, shambling man (Bill Hinzman) suddenly attacks them. Although Johnny bravely (if awkwardly) tries to fight the man off, he ends up bashed into a gravestone, leaving Barbra fleeing in terror. After…somehow…crashing her car, Barbra is forced to take refuge in a nearby farmhouse; though she arms herself with a knife, she’s unable to call for help due to mysterious interference on the line but, luckily, Ben shows up and immediately takes charge. If you’re hoping for a strong, capable female lead then you’re out of luck, Barbra is so crippled by fear that’s practically catatonic, sleepwalking through the rest of the film and completely giving into despair while Ben is forthright and bravely tackles the ghouls with a tyre iron. Although he’s just as scared as her, his thoughts are on practical matters such as food, lights, and arming himself with a rifle; Barbra’s distressed state aggravates him, but he keeps his cool and puts her to work helping to secure the house against further attacks to await rescue. Eloquent, intelligent, and charismatic, Ben hides his fear and confusion behind productive tasks and narrating his observations and the horrors he’s seen aloud, something he’s forced to do since Barbra too shocked to be much conversation. When Barbra descends into hysteria, so desperate to save Johnny that she almost runs out into further danger, Ben’s forced to physically subdue her to keep her calm, allowing him to finish fortifying the house and glean insight into the crisis from a radio broadcast.
Tensions rise between the survivors, who are faced with a clash of ego and the undead.
Considering it takes Ben some time (presumably a couple of hours) to finish fortifying the house, it comes as a surprise to both them and the audience when other survivors emerge from the cellar. Naturally, Ben is incensed to learn that Harry, his wife and daughter, Helen (Eastman) and Karen (Schon), and lovers Tom (Keith Wayne) and Judy (Judith Ridley), chose to hide rather than investigate the screaming and commotion. Ben’s natural instinct is to help people, no matter the danger, whereas Harry reasoned it wasn’t worth risking their lives and their safety helping others. Having witnessed the strength and tenacity of the ghouls, Harry is adamant that they’re all safer in the cellar, regardless of the fortifications, and both make valid arguments since the cellar allows them to better fend off attacks, but the house gives them a fighting chance and more escape routes. Tom does his best to play peacekeeper, but Harry stubbornly refuses to listen to reason, primarily due to fear, his shame at feeling said fear, and a deep-seated need to protect his family. Although the ghouls briefly breaking through the windows seems to prove Harry’s point, he’s aggrieved when Ben refuses to share any of the upstairs food or resources; it seems Harry wants it both ways, but Ben firmly draws a line and delivers a stern ultimatum: “You can be the boss down there. I’m boss up here”, enraging the overprotective and stubborn father. Taking his chances upstairs, Tom has the anxious and caring Judy join them while Harry barricades himself and his family downstairs out of a pig-headed fixation on being “right”. Weary of his bullish ways, Helen echoes Ben’s remarks about Harry’s shortsightedness, which cuts them and their sick daughter off from information and potential rescue. Like Tom, she emphasises co-operation and compromise, allowing them to trade places with Judy to learn more about the crisis, though he continues to rile Ben up with his antagonistic and cynical attitude. Helen is encouraged by news of rescue centres nearby and Ben devises a plan to hold off the ghouls with flaming torches so they can refuel his truck and get medical help for Karen, but the plan goes horribly awry, resulting in Tom and Judy’s fiery deaths, and Ben unloads his rage onto Harry when he refuses to let him back into the house, leading to the two tussling for the rifle.
Night established and popularised many of the characteristics of zombie media.
In their first appearance, Romero’s living dead are noticeably different to what we’d see in his sequels and subsequent zombie media. The first thing to note, of course, is that the living dead are never referred to as “zombies”; this term would be as fastidiously avoided and mocked as Romero’s opinions on running zombie variants, meaning the living dead have more in common with Matheson’s interpretation of vampires than the brain-devouring zombie of mainstream imagination. Consequently, the living dead are referred to as anything but zombies; described as “ghouls”, “things”, “them”, and “assassins”, the living dead are also noticeably less gruesome than in later movies, potentially because the zombie outbreak is so recent and the undead so freshly turned. Similarly, Romero avoids explaining the sudden return of the living dead; a news report speculates radiation from an exploding space probe, but divine will is also implied (Johnny mocks Barbra’s prayer and admits to no longer attending church, and is the first to die). The zombie outbreak is treated as a sudden and confusing attack, almost like an epidemic; at first, characters ignore or mock the signs but they’re soon relying on radio broadcasts for scant information and how to combat the voracious ghouls. Night of the Living Dead establishes the basic rules of the undead: for whatever reason, the recently-deceased return in a near-mindless state, driven only by the need to consume human flesh. Rather than infecting people, their bites simply expedite the deaths of their victims; because of radiation from the Venus prove, anyone who dies will then reanimate with a taste for murder and cannibalism. Though slow and shambling and driven back by fire, the ghouls are incredibly persistent and dangerous in large groups; they can only be permanently put down with a blow to the head, destroying their brain, or removing the head entirely, and people are encouraged to forgo proper funeral procedures and immolate the corpses as soon as possible. Unlike most iterations of zombies, however, the ghouls are decidedly less monstrous here; many are more like entranced slaves or crazed maniacs, meaning they can use tools or rocks where brute strength fails and young Karen even uses a trowel to stab her mother to death rather than going for the jugular as you might expect.
The Nitty-Gritty: There’s a certain classic charm to revisiting the old black and white horrors of yesteryear; everything has a distinctly old-timey and almost gothic atmosphere, which is only extenuated by the greyscale visuals. Yes, it does make some of the night-time action difficult to make out and it’s not for everyone, but I always appreciate this era of cinema as it evokes feelings of nostalgia and appreciation for these filmmakers, who did the best they could on a limited budget and with the technology of the time and, in many cases, pioneered filmmaking effects that we still see in cinema to this day. Even in this first tentative outing for the living dead, Romero positions the ghouls as social commentary; their mindless, savage, almost primal nature explicitly reflects the dichotomy between the survivors, particularly Ben and Harry, who constantly butt heads. There’s a startling message related to this through the simple depiction of the ghouls co-existing and even working together, despite being incapable of communication, to problem solve and better devour their prey; in contrast, the survivors are equally unable to communicate due to fear, tension, and ego and absolutely incapable of working together for these same reasons. It’s these emotional responses that see other survivors uniting against their monstrous foes as a paranoid, trigger-happy mob that’s as inhuman as the ghouls they target, creating a thematic parallel that begs the question who the real monsters are, us or “them”? Naturally, you can read into this even further thanks to Ben being a Black man; though the most level-headed and practical, he’s met with suspicion (even from Barbra, initially) and hostility, which opens itself up to racial prejudice due to his skin colour and Harry’s overly aggressive demeanour, and the ghouls are also framed as being this unknowable threat not unlike foreign invader that “normal” folk struggle to understand and fight back against with extreme prejudice.
Despite surviving the horrifying night, Ben is callously shot dead as humanity blindly fights back.
Although Johnny’s death is disappointingly lame and bloodless, the suddenness and brutality of is where the true horror lies; still, Night of the Living Dead contains a fair amount of gore, including a partially mangled (presumably eaten) corpse in the farmhouse, some rudimentary decomposition effects, a surprising amount of flaming bodes, and sickening scenes of ghouls feasting on Tom and Judy’s entrails and chargrilled flesh. Still, Night of the Living Dead focuses more on tension and both internal and external threats. Although Harry covers their exit with Molotov cocktails, he takes advantage of the situation to claim dominion over the entire house. Unsurprisingly, given they’ve been measuring dicks the entire time, Ben fights him for control of the only gun, resulting in Harry being fatally shot due to his hubris. Having succumbed to her injuries, Karen reanimates and feasts on her father’s body before stabbing her mother to death. As she and the other ghouls close in, Barbra finally snaps out of her stupor, only to be dragged into the writhing masses by Johnny, and this irony is quickly followed by Ben, the sole survivor, being forced to take refuge in the cellar when his barricades fail. After putting down the reanimated Harry (which seems as much out of spite as it for survival) and Helen, Ben waits it out and survives the night; since the ghouls go down pretty easily when you have the right weapons, the danger seems to be mostly contained by the authorities and gun-toting locals, who pick the living dead off with ease. When they come to dispatch the ghouls near the farmhouse, Ben emerges from the cellar, attracted to the gunfire, but his caution proves his undoing; since he’s skulking around in the darkness, he’s mistaken for a ghoul and promptly executed on the spot. As the credits play, his body (and those of all the characters, ghouls and human alike) is dispassionately dumped onto a bonfire and burned in one of the bleakest endings in all of horror cinema.
The Summary: There’s a reason Night of the Living Dead is considered a horror classic and the forefather of zombie media. A low-budget affair that made the most of its resources, the film is a bleak mediation on humanity; simple ideas such as co-operating, coming together in a crisis, and working together to overcome an aggressive foe are present and resonate even to this day, where we’re more likely to turn against each other than set aside our differences. Although not as explicit as in his later movies, the ghouls are clearly utilised as an allegory for these matters, and various others; the fear and inevitability of death, the danger of the unknown, the savage nature of man are all valid readings of Night of the Living Dead. It’s also incredibly progressive in terms of Black representation; Ben is a keen, intelligent, and proactive survivor haunted by what he’s seen but determined to help others and make a fighting stand until rescue comes. While he can be as abrasive as Harry, his stubborn demeanour comes from a place of logic and reason and he’s constantly trying to increase their chances of survival, only to be met with pig-headed resistance. Harry might be an asshole, but you can see where he’s coming from; he’s scared and wants to protect his family, even if it means sacrificing others. Sadly, Helen (and women in general) don’t fare quite as well; portrayed as meek and generally useless, women just kind of get in the way or are oppressed and bossed about rather than contributing anything meaningful, though this does allow discussions about gender equality and machismo. Night of the Living Dead also established many of the “rules” for zombie cinema; although its ghouls aren’t as monstrous as later zombies and are more like entranced slaves, there’s a mystery and a danger to them when they gather in large numbers against vulnerable victims. However, it’s true that the film hasn’t aged very well; the performances and some themes are questionable, and there have been better zombie movies made since (by Romero himself, no less) that both overshadow this one and expose its flaws, though it remains recommended viewing for any fans of the genre, for sure,
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Do you consider Night of the Living Dead a classic of the genre? Were you surprised to see a Black man take such a proactive role? What did you think to the tension and rivalry between Ben and Harry? How did you interpret the ghouls and what did you think to their characterisation here? What do you think caused the zombie outbreak and how do you think you would react in such a scenario? What is your favourite zombie film and what do you think of the genre in general? How are you celebrating the Day of the Dead today? Whatever your thoughts on Night of the Living Dead, and zombie films in general, feel free to leave a comment below or leave your thoughts on my social media, and check out my other zombie content across the site.
Starting life as the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off ghosts, Halloween is largely associated not just with ghosts, ghouls, and confectionery but also a long-running series of horror movies. Beginning with John Carpenter’s Halloween(Carpenter, 1978), the franchise is largely credited with birthing the “slasher” sub-genre of horror films and has endured numerous remakes and reboots and is one of the most influential films in all of horror.
Released: 22 October 1982 Director: Tommy Lee Wallace Distributor: Universal Pictures Budget: $2.5 million Stars: Tom Atkins, Stacey Nelkin, Brad Schacter, Dick Warlock, and Dan O’Herlihy
The Plot: Doctor Dan Challis (Atkins) and Ellie Grimbridge (Nelkin), the daughter of a murder victim, uncover a terrible plot by small-town mask maker Conal Cochran (O’Herlihy) to mass murder of children on Halloween using an ancient Celtic ritual and a triggering device contained in a television commercial.
The Background: Despite critics largely dismissing it at the time, John Carpenter’s Halloween’s box office gross of over $63 million against a paltry $300,000 to 325,000 budget made itone of the most successful independent films ever made. The film not only popularised the clichés of the slasher genre, but is also now regarded as one of the most influential movies of its genre, all of which meant that a sequel was all-but-inevitable. Writer/director John Carpenter wasn’t enthusiastic about this, or his final script, but (despite the usual critical mauling), Halloween II(Rosenthal, 1981) was a box office success, so the studio pushed for a third entry. Carpenter and his producer partner Debra Hill only agreed to deliver another film if it went in a different direction, one that didn’t focus on the iconic Michael Myers/The Shape (Various). They, and director Tommy Lee Wallace, instead wanted to create a horror anthology movie series, with yearly films focusing on different aspects of the season and this one drawing inspiration from the sci-fi classic, Invasion of the Body Snatchers (Siegel, 1956). The film’s creepy Halloween masks were created by special effects guru Don Post out of latex and the cast was comprised of character actors and former Carpenter collaborators (though veteran actor Dan O’Herlihy later admitted that he didn’t think much to the film), and Wallace later stated that he enjoyed the entire experience and was disheartened by the film’s negative response. Indeed, Halloween III: Season of the Witch brought in just $14 million at the box office and was met with largely negative reviews; critics disliked the execution, the nonsensical plot, and the ludicrous antagonists, with Michael’s absence being particularly noted for many. Although some regard the film as an under-rated horror classic, Carpenter’s experiment didn’t pay off and the decision was made to bring Michael back some six years later, and he’s been the star of the franchise ever since.
The Review: This one’s a tough one for me. Unlike, say, the Friday the 13th series (Various, 1980 to present), which potentially could’ve lived on (at least for a film or two) with other killers donning the iconic hockey mask of Jason Voorhees (Various), I’m not entirely certain if Halloween was meant to involve anyone or anything other than Michael Myers. I think maybe if the second film hadn’t been a direct sequel then this anthology format might’ve had more legs, but it feels weird to do two Myers-centric movies and then suddenly veer into anthology territory. Honestly, more than anything I’m surprised it got made at all; the idea of producing a horror sequel without its main villain and with no ties to the previous movies seems unusual today but even more so back in the eighties, when horror franchises were churning out yearly films featuring their popular slasher villains. Although Myers was very clearly and definitively killed off in Halloween II, it took the bare minimum of handwaving to explain his return in subsequent films, and I’m genuinely baffled that the producers didn’t simply accelerate that logic for a Carpenter-less third movie and produce this film as a separate endeavour, but clearly it was an attempt to cash-in on Halloween’s success and placate John Carpenter, because why wouldn’t you want him around? The film begins in October, some eight days before Halloween, and finds shop owner Harry Grimbridge (Al Berry) pursued by mysterious, stoic men in suits. Exhausted, hurt, and clutching one of Silver Shamrock’s coveted Halloween masks, he’s barely able to escape and is taken to a hospital, where he’s placed under the care of Dr. Challis.
Dr. Challis and Ellie investigate the mysterious Silver Shamrock company and stumble upon a mad plot!
As if being consumed by a demanding and stressful job wasn’t bad enough, Dan’s relationship with his ex-wife, Linda (Nancy Kyes), is further strained by him being a borderline alcoholic. His attempts to be a good and doting father are admirable, but he’s constantly one step behind; he brings his kids, Bella (Michelle Walker) and Willie (Joshua Miller), Halloween masks but they already have two of the Silver Shamrock ones and he’s constantly being called back to work. Dan’s attempts to treat Harry are made more difficult by his ranting, which nobody notices is triggered by the Silver Shamrock commercials, and the arrival of one of the men in black, who cracks his skull through the eye sockets! For a doctor, Dan sure does enjoy extracurricular activities; while his flirtations towards Nurse Agnes (Maidie Norman) seem to all be in good fun and appreciated, it’s still inappropriate behaviour in the workplace and he seems very friendly with the assistant coroner, Teddy (Wendy Wessberg), which leads me to believe that his marriage broke down due to him being unfaithful. Indeed, after Harry is murdered and his killer immolates himself, all it takes is one look at Harry’s daughter, Ellie (Nelkin), and Dan abandons his patients and responsibilities and travels to the Silver Shamrock factory in Santa Mira, California to investigate further. Ellie is absolutely heartbroken and incensed at her father’s random and vicious murder; after spotting Dan at the funeral, Ellie tracks him down to find out more and he reluctantly reveals that Harry was paranoid that he was going to be killed. She takes him to her father’s store and shares her research into her father’s records, which points them towards Santa Mira, and Dan’s so moved by her plight that he passes up seeing his kids (much to Linda’s fury) to join her. She’s surprisingly happy to share a bed with him without much coercing (it must be the moustache because he looks old enough to be her father!…unless that’s what she’s into…) and to masquerade as potential customers to get a tour of Cochran’s factory, which is like something out of Roald Dahl. While she has a fair amount of spunk and is determined to get to the bottom of her father’s death, there’s not much to Ellie; she’s certainly not shy about her sexuality but, despite claiming to be “older than she looks”, she’s still prone to emotional outbursts and is thus easily captured by Cochran’s men, disappearing for a big chunk of the film and returning simply to be a pretty hostage for our surprisingly gung-ho male protagonist to rescue.
Despite his friendly persona, Cochran employs killer androids and plans to murder countless children!
Silver Shamrock made its fortune manufacturing toys; with Halloween fast approaching, they’ve embarked on an aggressive and aggravating marketing campaign for their special Halloween masks, which all the kids are dying to get their hands on. The company is headed by Irish entrepreneur Cochran, whose factory and business brings prosperity to Santa Mira; played with an alluring glee by expert villain Dan O’Herlihy, Cochran is a magnetic and generous old man who takes great pride in his work, his attention to detail, and the prosperity he’s brought to Santa Mira. Although he brought in his own workers from overseas and much of the town is made up of his fellow Irishmen, hardly anything happens in town without his say-so or involvement and he’s extremely eager to please his customers and investors with accolades and generosity. However, while he appears a friendly and courteous old man, Cochran hides a dark secret within his factory walls and, thanks to O’Herlihy’s presence, is constantly shrouded in a sinister cloud. Many of his workforce are mute, relentless android assassins who carry out his every whim without question; garbed in suits and pursuing their targets relentlessly, they are superhumanly strong, capable of gouging out eyes, ripping off heads, and enduring a great deal of punishment. In many ways, their silent implacability conjures memories of Michael Myers (fitting since the head android was played by the Shape himself, Dick Warlock), but even these unsettling minions are just a fraction of Cochran’s true intent. It turns out that his masks contain a special microchip that gruesomely kills whoever is wearing them and causes writhing snakes and bugs to burst from their heads! This is all part of his insidious plot to evoke an ancient pagan ritual from his native Celtic lands of sacrificing children during the time of Samhain, a plot that requires a chunk of Stonehenge which he was somehow able to steal and transport to the United States without being detected!
The Nitty-Gritty: You can tell that Halloween III is going for something completely different right away; gone is the haunting, atmospheric “Halloween” theme and unsettling pumpkin in the credits, replaced by an ominous synth theme courtesy of John Carpenter and Alan Howarth, basic credit text, and a decidedly eighties computer-generated credit sequence that merges the themes of Halloween and technology (specifically evoking the pixelated aesthetic of television and computer screens). The film also goes out of its way to make it clear that its events aren’t set in the same continuity as the previous films since a trailer for Halloween plays on a television at one point. However, while the score is fitting for what basically amounts to a techno/horror piece and evokes memories of John Carpenter’s The Thing (Carpenter, 1982) and The Terminator (Cameron, 1984), your days will be tormented forever more by the incessant Silver Shamrock jingle, which cheerily counts down the days until Halloween to the tune of “London Bridge is Falling Down”. The intention is pretty obvious, to capture kids’ attention with dancing images, a memorable song, and encourage them to buy the masks and it’s pretty evocative of the aggressive and shameless marketing campaigns of toys and videogames over the years, but the subtext is quite clever as well: it can’t be a coincidence or just a financial decision that “London Bridge is Falling Down” is used as the base tune since Cochran’s ultimate plan is the cause widespread death and destruction, after all.
Some gory scenes and bizarre events help make the film a little more memorable, as weird as they are.
If there’s one thing Halloween III has going for it, it’s a somewhat decent sense of atmosphere; when Dan and Ellie roll into Santa Mira, they’re met with suspicion and intrigue by the townsfolk since. For the most part, the film is a bit of a murder-mystery tale, with Dan and Ellie posing as a couple and trying to find out more about the company and investigating the strange town with its many surveillance cameras and even a curfew (which doesn’t stop Dan going out at night to an open liquor store, making you wonder why there’s a curfew in the first place…), and Dan proves to be quite the sleuth. Of course, his habitual lying and infidelity goes a long way to helping with his subterfuge; Linda is so fed up of his constant excuses and lies that she offers little support or compassion when he’s rattled by the deaths at the hospital and he gets so into his little charade with Ellie that it’s not long (barely a day) before they’re getting it on in their motel room. While they suspect that there’s more going on behind Silver Shamrock’s walls, they could never have guessed the truth but we get to see it in gory detail as one of Cochran’s androids trips the head off a hobo (Jon Terry) for daring to disparage the company’s name. Disgruntled buyer Marge Guttman (Garn Stephens) also indirectly feels Cochran’s wrath after she fiddles around with a mask and gets a mouthful of laser due to a “misfire” that leaves her a mutilated husk for creepy-crawlies to wriggle out of! After Ellie is kidnapped by Cochran’s androids, Dan is fights one off, punching right through its stomach and rendering it immobile, but the realisation that Cochran utilises life-like machines leaves him shellshocked and he’s easily apprehended by the toymaker. Instead of killing the nosy doctor, Cochran decides it’s far better to take him into the hidden laboratory beneath his toy factory and to explain his master plan in minute detail (well, except for explaining how the fuck he got that chunk of Stonehenge there, which he simply laughs off).
Although Dr. Challis destroys Cochran’s operation, it’s left ambiguous whether he stopped his evil scheme…
Fascinated and enamoured by the power of even a fragment of the ancient rock, Cochran delights in showing off exactly what his masks can do by forcing Dan to watch as his best seller and his family (Ralph Strait, Jadeen Barbor, and Brad Schacter) are subjected to the final Silver Shamrock commercial, which sucks the life out of the boy and sees him torn apart by bugs and snakes, which then attack his family. As kids all over the country eagerly await the “big giveaway” at nine, and Teddy is murdered via a drill to the head by one of Cochran’s androids (a scene that might’ve worked better if it had come earlier in the film before we knew for sure that they were androids…), Cochran straps Dan to a chair, fits him with a mask, and explains his motives: not only does he think it’s a lark, but he’s disgusted that people have forgotten Halloween’s roots and relishes bringing back the old ways of ritual sacrifice. With little more than an hour and ten minutes to go, Dan cuts himself free without much effort and escapes using a conveniently oversized ventilation shaft. His caricature of John McClane (Bruce Willis) continues as he sneaks across the factory roof and through the warehouse to rescue Ellie (…her door wasn’t even locked…) and he even reaches the control panel, figures out its controls, and activates the Silver Shamrock commercial without being spotted! He then dumps a load of the microchips over Cochran’s androids and equipment, shorting them both out and sending everything haywire, earning him a little appreciative applause from Cochran before he’s zapped by the rock. Fleeing from the horrendously rendered factory explosion, Dan races to interrupt the commercial, only to be attacked by Ellie, who turns out to be a robot duplicate (or…maybe she was a robot all along? Who even knows at this point!) Luckily, he avoids having his head ripped off and beheads her with a tyre iron, but we’ll never know if he succeeded in shutting off all the deadly commercials since the film dramatically cuts to the credits right as he’s desperately screaming at the television network to cut the feed…
The Summary: I think everyone can agree that Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a bit of an anomaly; not only does it not include or even have anything to do with Michael Myers or the previous two films, it doesn’t even have anything to do with a witch beyond a brief reference to the pagan rituals of Samhain. I’d wager that this film is known for two things: not including the franchise’s masked killer and its surprisingly bleak ending, and only one of those points actually works in its favour. An altogether bizarre film from start to finish that awkwardly blends together technology and the supernatural, I think Halloween III was maybe trying a little too hard to be something different. Cochran’s plot might’ve been easy to swallow if it had fallen into one side or the other but having these lifelike android assassins existing alongside a magical piece of Stonehenge that he was…somehow…able to turn into killer microchips that spawn insects from Halloween masks and leave countless children dead is all very hodgepodge and none of it really feels like it fits together. It’s like the film was two scripts that got jumbled up and, while I applaud the attempt to try something different, the bleak ending, and the dark, sinister undertones (it’s rare that even horror films kill kids, after all), the final execution is quite sloppy. Tom Atkins does a decent job but he’s not much of a leading man; the visual of this middle-aged, womanising alcoholic being our unlikely protagonist doesn’t inspire much confidence, though I did enjoy his investigation into Silver Shamrock and his wife constantly admonishing him for being a lying, selfish asshole. Dan O’Herlihy’s captivating, menacing screen presence and some deliciously gory death scenes help this film limp along towards its memorably grim ending but, overall, you can easily skip this one in favour of any other horror film and have a far better time. I do believe that there was some potential in a Halloween anthology series, but the third film wasn’t the time to do that and this concept certainly wasn’t capable of matching its predecessors; I’d also wager that if this film didn’t have “Halloween” in its title then no one would have ever seen it and it’d be lost to the mists of time, which really tells you everything you need to know about this misfire of a movie.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
Are you a fan of HalloweenIII : Season of the Witch? What did you think to the attempt to take the series in a new direction with an unrelated story? How clued up are you on Samhain and the pagan origins of the season? Did you enjoy the mystery element of the film and the gory kills? What did you think to Cochran’s plan and his execution? Were you a fan of the sudden, potentially bleak ending and do you think Dan was able to interrupt the broadcast?How are you celebrating Halloween this year? Whatever your thoughts on Halloween, and the Halloween franchise, drop a comment below, or leave a comment on my social media, and have a spook-tacular Halloween!
Released: 30 August 1996 Director: Tim Pope Distributor: Miramax Films Budget: $13 million (estimated) Stars: Vincent Pérez, Mia Kirshner, Richard Brooks, Thuy Trang, Iggy Pop, Thomas Jane, and Eric Acosta
The Plot: Mechanic Ashe Corven (Pérez) and his young son, Danny (Acosta), are brutally murdered by zealot Judah Earl (Brooks) and his thugs. After being resurrected by a mysterious and supernatural crow, Ashe is guided by the aloof Sarah Mohr (Kirshner) and assumes the guise of a tragic clown to avenge his loss using his newfound superhuman abilities.
The Background: Beginning as a comic book published by Caliber Comics in 1989, The Crow was the brainchild of James O’Barr. The main character, named simply “Eric”, was modelled after prominent rock musicians and brutally slayed those who killed him and his fiancée as a reaction to the pain and loss O’Barr felt after losing his own fiancée. The Crow became an underground success and, since dark comic book narratives were becoming popular in Hollywood, transitioned into a critically and commercially successful film adaptation despite the accidentally on-set death of star Brandon Lee. While The Crow(Proyas, 1994) is regarded by many as a cult hit, the same accolades can’t be said about its sequel, which came as a direct response to the financial success of the first film. Initially, director Tim Pope and writer David S. Goyer planned to take the sequel in a different direction to avoid copying or emulating the original movie. They pitched having Sarah become a female Crow (a concept later explored in the comic books) or setting the story in the 19th century before ultimately settling on another tale of urban vengeance. It was the producers, however, who most directly engineered the film to be more of a carbon copy of the first, dramatically cutting down Pope’s original 160-minute cut into a jumbled mess of muddy visuals and confusing plot points. Despite the popularity of the first film, The Crow: City of Angels failed to recapture the magic of its predecessor; it barely grossed over $25 million at the box office and has been met with scathing criticism for its awful execution, lacklustre lead actor, and woeful narrative and pacing. Despite this, Miramax continuedproducingCrow movies and spin-offs, and some have even argued that The Crow: City of Angels is an under-rated entry in the franchise. Spoiler alert: I am not one of them but, as The Crow is one of my favourite movies and tonight is “Devil’s Night”, I figured this would be a good opportunity to look back on this shambles of a film and see how it holds up.
The Review: I’ve been a huge fan of The Crow ever since I was a kid and randomly stumbled upon it on one of our many VHS tapes; it took me a little while to be equally impressed with the bleak and harrowing comic book, but the film had a huge impact on me at a time when I was really getting into dark and gritty comic book comics, stories, and anti-heroes. While the story didn’t really lend itself to a sequel since everything was wrapped up nicely in the film and it seemed very self-contained, the concept leaves plenty of wriggle room for other avatars to be resurrected and seek justice (or revenge, depending on your perspective) for the wrongs they suffered in death. It’s not as if it should really be all that difficult, either; there was plenty of material in James O’Barr’s comic that hadn’t been used in the first film, or was left on the cutting room floor, that could’ve been worked into a new movie, or a reboot. In this regard, I’m okay with new actors taking on the iconic role as the Crow’s very nature allows legacy characters, and I can understand the studio wanting to try and emulate the look, feel, and narrative of the first film, and there’s even some interesting new wrinkles in the lore and concept of The Crow: City of Angels, but the final product and overall execution is lacking in almost every regard beyond the soundtrack and the general moodiness of the film. The first and biggest problem is the lead himself; while I had the faintest idea of who Brandon Lee was prior to The Crow thanks to a vague familiarity (at the time) with the legendary Bruce Lee, I have no idea who Vincent Pérez is and, frankly, still don’t. I have no idea why he, of all people, was cast in such an iconic role; it’d be hard for any actor to fill Lee’s shoes, especially after the tragedy he suffered during filming, but Pérez is incapable of matching Lee’s tortured, charismatic performance and comes across as a pale imitation in his attempts to channel the same mixture of grief, anger, and morose conviction of his predecessor.
Reborn from a violent death, Ashe embarks on a mission of vengeance with a manic theatricality.
Ashe is quite a different character to Eric Draven; rather than being a loved-up rockstar, he’s a mechanic and a single father living in Los Angeles, here rendered as a bleak, gritty, crime-infested hellhole swamped with drugs and rampant violence thanks to the fanatical Judah Earl. Though there are few places free from Judah’s influence; Ashe lived a simple, quiet life near the pier with his beloved son, Danny, but the two were brutally tortured and executed by Judah’s maniacal followers, primarily Kali (Trang) and “Curve” (Pop), after accidentally witnessing them murdering another drug dealer. Some time later (in the first film it was a year; here, we don’t really know, but it can’t be that long as Ashe’s garage/home is largely untouched since his death), the mysterious and semi-supernatural crow brings Ashe back from his watery grave to seek vengeance but, whereas the crow guided Eric and assisted in his similar quest, Ashe is primarily aided by Sarah Mohr (Kirshner), who is all grown up from the last film and working as a melancholic tattoo artist. While Eric rose in a state of confusion, he became committed to his cause after the crow helped him relive his traumatic death; Ashe similarly reawakens confused and disorientated, but is overwhelmed by his situation, as related by Sarah, and reacts with denial and hostility before reluctantly accepting that he’s now an undead spirit of vengeance after being bombarded with memories. Sarah uses Danny’s paints to make Ashe into an imitation of her former friend (even his make-up is a poor facsimile of Eric’s, however, with the white barely visible in the film’s poor lighting and the black only going around his lips rather than covering them) and he throws on a bad-ass trench coat, hops on an equally bad-ass motorcycle, and heads into the misty and filth-ridden streets to track down his killers. Thanks to the crow, Ashe is led to “Spider Monkey” (Vincent Castellanos), where he showcases his dramatic flair, performing sleight of hand and card tricks while toying with his prey, while also exhibiting just how corny and bad Pérez’s acting and line delivery is. This becomes a common theme, with his weird screaming, cackling countenance, odd appropriation of the “One for sorrow” nursery rhyme to now include crows, and desperate attempts to appear menacing only serving to make him appear unhinged. Whereas Eric somewhat revelled in the virtual invincibility and superhuman abilities afforded to him, Ashe wallows in the constant cycle of pain and healing his body goes through when he’s hurt (which, to be fair, is somewhat similar to the comic book Eric) and fluctuates between being violently, maniacally unbalanced when facing his killers, and miserable and brooding when with Sarah or contemplating his newfound afterlife.
Though seeking revenge for his son’s death, this new Crow is tempted to stay behind with Sarah.
While this is reminiscent of his predecessor, Ashe comes off as far gloomier and sullener than Eric, and it’s not like he makes up for it with any decent fight scenes. The few he does have are brief, poorly shot, and completely one-sided in his favour until the end, and we’re even denied decent shoot outs this time around as Ashe largely forgoes firearms (except for when hunting Curve), though he does evoke the crow imagery by stuffing a paper crow into “Nemo’s” (Thomas Jane) mouth, forming Kali’s blood into a crow upon her death, and leaving Curve surrounded by a crow outline of petals. Naturally, Ashe isn’t just out to avenge his death, but is primarily driven to avenge the brutal murder of his son; this causes him the most pain, as Danny was just an innocent, wide-eyed kid (a stupid one, but an innocent one nonetheless) and reliving his murder causes grief and rage to wrack Ashe’s body and, in many ways, makes his plight far worse than Eric’s but this tragedy really belongs in a better movie (or in the hands of a better actor). He goes out of his way to retrieve Danny’s corpse and give him a proper burial and is even visited by Danny’s spirt when he starts to lose his way. This wrinkle is added because, for whatever reason, Ashe develops a strong attraction to Sarah; surprising, as the two have very little chemistry and, while she seems fascinated to see another reborn by the crow and is sympathetic to him, I never got any romantic feelings from her. A snappy, somewhat feisty goth girl who partially narrates the film and has a familial bond with her boss, Noah (Ian Dury), Sarah’s influence over Ashe becomes so strong that he considers staying behind with her. This is juxtaposed by the Day of the Dead festival that’s being celebrated in the city, and through a conversation with a priest (Reynaldo Duran), who tells Ashe that wandering souls can get lost, believing themselves to be alive, and need guidance to achieve eternal rest. Honestly, the idea of a Crow wandering the Earth with no memory of how or why they got there is a fascinating one, and one I believe was strongly emphasised in the original cut of the film, where Ashe decides to stay behind rather than join his son, and Sarah, in death.
Some terrible performances stunt whatever menace Judah and his followers are meant to have.
Of course, this plot is barely notable in the finished film and is used more as motivation to keep Ashe fighting and help him overcome the loss of his powers, courtesy of Judah Earl. I hate to keep making comparisons, but Judah Earl is no Top Dollar (Michael Wincott); he exudes a decent menace and is a reprehensible and zealous figure in his own right, but Richard Brooks’ performance is all over the place as well, ranging from stoic and gravelly to over the top theatre as he proudly proclaims: “I’m your shadow, Ashe! […] I’ve tasted the blood of the crow and taken your power!” Like Top Dollar, Judah Earl is surrounded by a gaggle of cackling, shit-kicking underlings, none of which have any of the personality (however one-note and despicable) of Top Dollar’s and most of whom are constantly out of their minds on Judah’s tainted crack to be little ore than a knock-off combination of Skank (Angel David) and Funboy (Michael Massee). The most notable exceptions, beyond Nemo’s eccentricities, are Kali and Curve. Kali is a sadistic bitch who takes great pleasure in mocking and killing Danny; she also exhibits some martial arts prowess, giving Ashe his first real physical competition, and is one of three characters who I actually enjoyed seeing offed due to her aggravating nature. The other was Curve, played with manic abandon by rock icon Iggy Pop; I’m no fan of Iggy Pop’s music, or his acting, however, and Curve comes across as completely off his rocker, constantly raging about a tattoo Sarah gave him and assaulting the senses with his weird line delivery and atrocious acting (his “Do you think I’m afrai-i-id?” spiel is probably the worst performance I’ve ever seen). While Top Dollar seemed to have his hands in everything and was more about anarchy, Judah’s deal is drugs; he swamps the city with the stuff and has little concern over how badly his merchandise affects people. Once a product of the streets, Judah has taken to spending his time in his penthouse surrounded by the macabre and supernatural, and conveniently has a blind seer on hand Sybil (Tracey Ellis) to fill him (and us) in on the nature of the crow and how harming or killing it can hurt Ashe and render him mortal. Judah Earl takes this one step further, however, and drinks the crow’s blood to become “The Shadow”, a dark version of Ashe who gains all of his supernatural abilities for their final climatic showdown in the streets.
The Nitty-Gritty: It’s so interesting and weird to think about the Crow franchise; the premise is incredibly simple and shouldn’t really be that hard to make a gritty, gothic, somewhat low budget film that’s a mixture of action, horror, and romance. It turns out, however, that The Crow was lightning in a bottle; not only did everything about its presentation work exceptionally well, but its reputation was bolstered by Brandon Lee’s tragic death, which has elevated the film above whatever shortcomings it might have to make it a monument to a young actor cut down in his prime. In that regard, you could argue that it didn’t make sense to follow it up, especially so soon after, but to do so with this knock-off, poor quality effort is a real insult to both Lee and O’Barr and comes across as a poor man’s attempt to recapture the magic. While the soundtrack is still pretty strong thanks to Graeme Revell’s haunting score (even if it is basically the same as last time) and some notable names, like White Zombie and Deftones, contributing to the film, the quality of acting takes a dramatic nosedive. Rather than a strong assortment of character actors and charismatic performers, The Crow: City of Angels features a bunch of one-dimensional, underdeveloped scumbags or aggravating performances from people who never should’ve been cast in the first place or actors who had yet to really hit their stride in their art.
Whatever visual appeal this film may have is lost beneath a muddy filter and poor special effects.
Easily the worst aspect of The Crow: City of Angels, though, is the presentation; this was legitimately the first film I’ve ever watched where I’ve criticised the direction and cinematography, and the look and feel of this film is a far cry from the harsh, rugged streets seen in the first film, which was almost a noir thriller in its aesthetic. The sequel swamps every scene in this grimy, mustard-yellow glare; mist and smoke covers everything, making the city appear to be either a poorly-constructed miniature or obscuring sets and real-world locations, and everything looks cheap and rushed, as though the filmmakers were trying to cover their inadequacies with this ugly, choking fog. Honestly, it looks like a homemade movie filmed on a soundstage or in a back garden, it’s that bad and, while the city occasionally seems like one of the worst places you can ever imagine, with its seedy underworld, sex clubs, and bars and such, everything just seems more fake and staged compared to the first movie, and this carries through to the action scenes. Sure, Ashe looks awesome cutting through the fog on his motorcycle, but he gets none of the rooftop-running action of Eric and doesn’t really acquit himself well in fight scenes. More often than not, Ashe simply slaps around and scuffles with his victim rather than threatening them with Poe or mutilating his body to intimidate his opponents, and the only physical challenge he’s presented with comes from Kali, whom he easily dashes out a window thanks to his invulnerability. Otherwise, Ashe’s mission of vengeance is an absolute mess of murky visuals, jerky camera moments, and awful acting; Pérez desperately tries to come off as intimidating when confronting Spider-Monkey but it’s a poor effort made worse by some dodgy CGI effects, and seeing him mock Nemo with a pouting countenance is more disturbing than menacing. Even Ashe’s big fight scene with Kali is ultimately disappointing, being a plodding affair with slow, awkward movements, erratic editing, and some weird contorted body language from Pérez, and his rundown of Curve ends up being a pitiable chase and confrontation thanks to such memorable lines as “Fuck you, bird dick!” and the down-right ugly visual presentation of the film.
Although rendered powerless and unable to save Sarah, Ashe is…somehow…able to destroy Judah Earl.
Fittingly, Ashe’s greatest physical challenge comes in the film’s conclusion; desiring to take the Crow’s power for his own, Judah Earl takes Sarah hostage and, after capturing the crow with a ridiculous amount of ease, has her witness a bizarre ritual where he kills the bird, inflicting Ashe with stigmata for a very on the nose Christ allusion and causing him to plummet from Judah’s high-rise dwelling and be rendered vulnerable. This fulfils Judah’s life-long fascination with death; his stoic demeanour and callous nature isn’t just to try and paint him as a malicious threat, but is because he’s completely numb to the concept of death since he has already experienced, and survived it, before. Having “liked what he saw” in his brief time in Hell, the only pleasure Judah has been able to take since is in the suffering of others, and the power of the crow allows him to indulge this to the fullest extent…however, while much of this is inferred and implied throughout the film, it really only becomes explicit when you know that, apparently, the original script went into greater detail about Judah’s near-death experience as a child. Regardless, thus empowered, Judah (or “The Shadow”, or whatever-the-fuck he’s supposed to be) easily manhandles Ashe, who’s completely helpless against Judah’s superior strength. The cruel zealot takes a sadistic pleasure in stringing Ashe up and lashing him before a raucous crowd but, when he goes to finish him off, Sarah intervenes and takes a knife to the stomach (without him even trying), dying in Ashe’s arms. Spurred on by Danny, who eagerly awaits his return, and enraged at Sarah’s death, Ashe skewers Judah on a piece of scaffold and…somehow…calls up a murder of (presumably) supernatural crows to tear the cruel kingpin into a mess of dodgy CGI. Again, quite how Ashe does this considering he has no powers at this point isn’t explained, nor is it really made clear exactly what the hell’s happening; it’s just another of the many drawbacks to huge chunks of the story being excised from the film, and this is only further reinforced in the rushed and vague ending, which suggests Ashe actually did stay behind rather than what the film is actually going for (which is that he rode off into the fog to be with Danny and, most likely, Sarah).
The Summary: What happened to Brandon Lee on the set of The Crow was a tragedy. What happened to James O’Barr as a hopeful teenager was a tragedy. The Crow: City of Angels is a tragedy. The whole film is just an ugly, distorted, incoherent mess from start to finish; oh sure, there’s flashes of a somewhat decent sequel here, but everything that’s good about it is based on what worked in the first film and is a mere copy (a shadow, if you will) of it. Rather than taking the formula of its predecessor and expanding upon it, offering more action and bloodshed and more visually interesting fights and kills, The Crow: City of Angels ends up looking like a direct-to-video rush job that completely squanders not only its own premise, but everything that the first movie did so well. The idea of a father returning to enact revenge on those that killed his son is palpable, as is the concept of a crow avatar falling in love with a living female and resisting returning to the grave; hell, even the idea of a sadistic thug stealing the powers of the crow has some merit, but the execution of all of these ideas is ruined by muddy visuals, piss-poor performances, and an absolutely butchered narrative pacing. There’s some cool visuals of the Crow on his motorcycle and dramatically stalking and toying his prey or brooding in the dark, but Vincent Pérez is absolutely terrible here; he does the more melancholic aspects quite well, but his madcap buffoonery, grating accent, and stilted line delivery leave him a charisma-less void, especially compared to his predecessor. Iggy Pop desperately tries to hog every scene but he’s in way over his head here, and I doubt a better script or direction could’ve helped his tone-deaf performance, and Richard Brooks fails to exude any type of menace, even when he’s trying his hardest, thanks to his random descents into mania. Overall, it’s baffling to me that the studio managed to butcher a sequel to The Crow so badly; when its aping the first film, there’s some appeal here, but no one in their right mind would ever choose to watch this over the first movie and it does nothing but leech off of The Crow’s cult appeal in the laziest and most insulting ways possible, leaving us with a patchwork imitation of its predecessor that deserves nothing but scorn and derision.
My Rating:
⭐
Rating: 1 out of 5.
Terrible
Am I being too harsh on The Crow: City of Angels? Do you think the film had any chance of living up to the popularity and reputation of its predecessor? What did you think to Vincent Pérez’s performance and Ashe as the new Crow? Did you buy his romance with Sarah, or enjoy his flair for the theatrical? What did you think to Judah Earl and his crew? Did you enjoy the murky, foggy presentation of the film or was it also a struggle to endure? Which of The Crow’s sequels was your favourite, if any, and would you like to see the character return in some form or another in the future? How are you celebrating Devil’s Night tonight? Whatever you think about The Crow: City of Angels, join the discussion below or leave a comment on my social media.
Asterix the Gaul (and his best friend Obelix) first debuted on 29 October 1959 as a serial in the French/Belgium magazine Pilote. Since then, the plucky Gauls have gone on to have many adventures in comic books, videogames, and feature-length productions and Asterix himself has become a popular and enduring character in his native France and beyond as his stories have been translated into over a hundred languages across the world.
Released: November 1993 Developer: Core Design Also Available For: Game Gear and Master System
The Background: It didn’t take very long at all for the French comic book series Asterix to make the jump from the comics and into other media; the first Asterix book was adapted into a feature-length animation in 1967 and both animated and live-action Asterix films have been pretty consistent over the years. Similarly, there have been a number of Asterix videogames; the first of these was released for the Atari 2600 in 1983 and one of my absolute favourites was Konami’s arcade game from 1992. Growing up, I had a lot of fun playing Astérix (SEGA, 1991) on the Master System, a colourful and entertaining little platformer that I’ve yet to finish ever thirty years later, and figured that the Mega Drive title would be a good investment. Asterix and the Great Rescue was developed by Core Design, the team behind the classic SEGA titleChuck Rock(Core Design, 1991), and was met with mixed reviews upon release. With today also being the birthday of the SEGA Mega Drive, I figured it was the perfect time to put this game in and see how it holds up compared to its 8-bit counterpart.
The Plot: The year is 50 BC. Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans. Well, not entirely… One small village of indomitable Gauls still holds out against the invaders and life is not easy for the Roman legionnaires thanks to the Gauls’ magic potion, which gives them superhuman strength. Like in many Asterix videogames, the Romans kidnap the village druid, Getafix, to stunt the village’s supply of magic potion so their bravest warriors, Asterix and Obelix, set out to rescue Getafix and teach those crazy Romans a lesson.
Gameplay: Asterix and the Great Rescue is a 2D, sidescrolling action platformer in which one player gets to pick between Asterix and Obelix before each journey across six Levels to rescue the druid Getafix from the Romans. Disappointingly, unlike in the majority of Asterix videogames, there’s very little actual difference between Asterix and Obelix; both characters move at the same plodding speed, have the same amount of health, jump at the same height, and have exactly the same special abilities. Indeed, the only discernable difference I could identify is that Obelix’s hit box is larger (due to his characteristic girth) but it’s not like Asterix’s is that much smaller. You can customise the game’s controls from the main “Options” menu but the default setup is functional as is. Players can jump with A, attack with a punch with B, and use a “Special Weapon” with C. Pressing up on the directional pad (D-pad) in conjunction with C allows you to pick from four different Special Weapons while pressing down on the D-pad allows you to crouch and crawl to avoid incoming projectiles.
Rooms can be short but also painfully frustrating at times.
Sadly, considering the characters’ and comics’ focus on madcap fighting, combat is extremely disappointing and limited here; there are no jumping attacks, your punches have a pathetically short range, and the only additional combat option available to you is that you can hold down B to perform a series of rapid punches while moving to take out groups of enemies faster. Asterix and the Great Rescue is constructed in a strangely confusing way; there are six Levels, each split into four “Huts” and each Hut has up to three “Rooms”. The wording is very confusing as you’re not necessarily inside of a hut or a room as you might think but what it actually boils down to is six levels, four worlds, and up to four zones in each world and I guess the developers thought it would be “fun” to supplant this usual videogame terminology with terms from the comic book. While six Levels might not seem a lot, the game is actually surprisingly long; the Rooms are generally short sprints asking little more from you than to travel to the right, bashing enemies, and reaching the goal (“magic elixir” for Asterix and a roast boar for Obelix) but you’ll also be tasked with finding keys, performing some tricky jumps, or navigating some confusing areas.
Your biggest obstacles are the time limit, hit boxes, and obtuse nature of the gameplay.
Your greatest enemy in each Room will be the time limit; every Room has a time limit that is anywhere from less than a minute to two minutes of game time and, if you fail to reach the goal before the time runs out, you’ll lose a life and have to restart from the beginning of the Room. There’s very little room for error in some of these Rooms and, if you mess up or take too long, then that’s just too damn bad as there are no checkpoints. Thankfully, you can acquire extra lives by earning enough points or stumbling upon a beating heart pickup. You start each game with three lives and three credits and, when you lose all of your lives, you’ll be given the option to cash in a credit and continue from the start of the last Room you played but, if you use up your credits, it’s game over. After clearing each Level, you get a password to jump to later in the game, which is helpful, but the damage you sustain throughout the game carries over to each Room, which is extremely frustrating, and you’ll find an abundance of bottomless pits as you progress, which mean instant death.
Gameplay is very inconsistent, being ridiculously easy one minute and frustratingly difficult the next.
Gameplay in Asterix and the Great Rescue is extremely inconsistent and frustrating; generally you just have to fight your way to the goal but other times you have to dodge bursts of fire, press switches to progress further, dodge falling blocks or incoming boulders, or hop around moving or temporary platforms to get through the Room. This can be extremely frustrating as some enemies are too small to hit, others take multiple hits to defeat, and it’s not always clear what you have to do in order to progress; all too often, platforms will suddenly drop underneath you, animals or bridges will collapse after carrying you across gaps, and you’ll need pixel-perfect timing to reach far away platforms. You’ll also need to hop across lava pits, make a number of blind jumps, contend with murky water that slows you down, teleport across Rooms using special statues, or use a series of bubbles, springs, and catapults to travel higher and further. Spikes, thorns, spiked balls, flames, and rotating platforms all compound matters, making avoiding damage extremely difficult even when playing on “Easy” mode, where enemies are less frequent and aggressive. Thankfully, there’s no knockback from taking damage but my experience was that my character would simply keel over and die more often than not since their hit box is so big that it’s extremely difficult to avoid being hit (especially when you get dropped literally right into the path of oncoming enemies in some Rooms).
Graphics and Sound: Asterix and the Great Rescue has a lot of promise but doesn’t quite manage to deliver in terms of its graphics. Sprites are colourful and faithful to the comics, for example, but not especially big or full of animation frames; there are no idle animations, for instance, and neither Asterix, Obelix, or their enemies exude the same charming humour as they do in the comics or even the Master System game. Environments can similarly be very hit and miss; the Gaulish village is beautiful to behold but little more than a tutorial to learn the basic controls. Occasionally, you’ll see familiar Asterix characters like Unhygienix in the background but he’s wildly out of proportion compared to the avatar’s sprites. Other times, the background will be quite sparse (a simple night sky) or somewhat detailed but then it’ll also look really crude (especially in the Forest and Rome levels). There are a lot of different environments to explore, however. You’ll travel from the Gauls’ village, cross the dock, enter a Roman camp, explore a dense forest and jump through the treetops and past gigantic spider’s webs, battle through dungeons in Germany, hop across clouds and birds and wander around stages made out of Frankfurters, pass through an ice Room (with some impressive snowflake effects falling over the screen) on the way to a Roman galley, and finally jump and fight through water ruins, an ornate garden, a lavish banquet hall, and the coliseum in Rome.
Levels are quite varied and can be quite bit but they’re hampered by the constant ticking clock.
All of these are locations that will be familiar to any Asterix fan but, for most videogame players, will seem very by-the-numbers for the average platformer and full of clichés such as weighted switches, temporary platforms, and rising or moving platforms. A lot of the time it can be difficult to tell where you need to go as you can sometimes pass through certain walls but not others, despite them both looking the same, and you’ll need to experiment with your Special Weapons in order to progress (if you have enough time left to figure that out, of course). I did experience a bit of slow down at times, which is quite ludicrous as there’s rarely a lot happening on screen, and some graphical hiccups here and there. The music is quite jazzy, however; it’s not especially varied but it’s decent enough, and certainly far better than the game’s sound effects. The game’s story is told through text and a recreation of the map of the invaded Gaul, all of which will be more than familiar to any Asterix reader. Though the game’s title screen leaves a lot to be desire, each Level is proceeded by a pretty nice still picture of the famous duo but you’ll have to wait for the final screen on the game for anything resembling any kind of impressive sprite art and even then it’s basically just a partially animated still.
Enemies and Bosses: As any self-respecting Asterix fan might expect, your primary enemies in this game will be the Romans. Roman soldiers charge at you with spears, march along in groups wielding swords, toss spears at you from above, and gold-armoured Centurions will also show up to try and skewer you as you progress. These are all pulled straight from the comics and even include Roman’s hiding in tree disguises; most of them will go down in just one hit but the more rotund and golden Romans will take two to three hits. You’ll also have to content with woodland critters scurrying and flying your way, axe-throwing Germans, German maidens who explode when you get too near, mermaids and sea creatures, archers whose arrows stay on screen way too long, Romans trying to jab you from beneath with their swords, spiders and other bugs, dogs, and even hatchlings trying to take a bit out of your ass. By far the worst obstacle is the mule-kicking horses who will send you flying clear across the screen; I swear you need as much luck as you do skill to time your jumps past those assholes!
It makes sense to be fighting Romans but Cacofonix is a strange choice for a boss…
Each Level culminates in a boss battle, the first of which is, oddly, against the village bard Cacofonix (I know he’s an annoyance in the comics but to make him a boss seems a bit extreme). Cacofonix stands in one spot atop his tree hut and spits musical notes at you from his lyre and can only be damaged by hopping on top of one of village chief Vitalstatistix’s shield bearers and tossing rotten fish at him. It takes a lot of hits to finally put the bard down so, again, your biggest enemy here is the time limit as it’s pretty easy to avoid his musical notes by standing in the right spots. The second boss fight sees a Roman encampment firing rocks at you; these must be hit back over and over again until the camp finally surrenders to your might. After this, a Roman soldier awaits you on a log and will instantly force you to your death unless you mash A, B, and right as fast as possible to knock him off instead but, of course, the game never tells you any of this so it is easy to simply fail time and time again.
After besting many enemies, the last two Levels culminate in battles against large, voracious animals!
The final Room of Germany has you desperately outracing a rising sea of red and taking out enemies as you make your way up to a goal which, again, is more a test of your skill and patience with the game’s controls than any sort of actual combat. On the Roman Galley, you’ll be attacked by a gigantic alligator (or is it a crocodile?); simply hop up onto the platforms to avoid the creature’s snapping jaws and then jump down to smack him in the head but watch out for his massive hit box clipping your avatar. The finale sees Julius Caesar set two vicious tigers against you in the Coliseum; these will randomly pop in and out of archways under Caesar’s view box and must be smacked whenever they appear and hopped over to avoid damage. Like all of the game’s bosses, though, this is simply a test of patience and landing hits before you get a time out and the bosses are, by far, the least challenging aspect of the game.
Power-Ups and Bonuses: There are numerous items to pick up and collect in Asterix and the Great Rescue; you’ll find gold coins, bags of coins, and Roman helmets, all of which will add to your score and bring you one step closer to an extra life. You can also replenish your health either partially or fully by collecting pieces of roast chicken or a chalice, respectively, and you can grab a sickle for a brief period of invincibility or a bomb to enter “Mega Attitude Mode”, which increases your speed and strength so you can blast through enemies and obstacles.
Special Weapons are useful but limited and you won’t always have to to backtrack for more ammo.
The main thing to keep an eye out for, though, are the gourds that you’ll find scattered throughout each Room. These will give you ammo for your Special Weapons and will respawn when you move the screen a little bit. Your Special Weapons are essential to your progress but it’s not always abundantly clear where or when you have to use them (such as the first screen of Rome where you’re seemingly trapped but actually have to blast a wall that doesn’t appear to be destructible). The Fireball adds a ranged attack to your arsenal and can be used to destroy certain blocks, hit targets, or deactivate certain traps; the Ice Block (which is actually a cloud) creates a temporary platform to allow you to reach higher areas or cross spike or lava pits safely (if you can get the angle of the throw right…); the Disguise covers you in a series of vines and flowers so that enemies will walk right past you; and Levitation allows you to (chunkily) float about using the D-pad to avoid spikes and reach higher or further areas.
Additional Features: There’s not really much else on offer in Asterix and the Great Rescue beyond the single-player experience; there’s no two-player simultaneous play, meaning that the only way for two players to play is to take it in turns, and no real benefit to playing as either of the two main characters. You can tackle the game on a harder difficulty setting and try to get your name at the top of the high score table but the game is so tough anyway that I wouldn’t recommend it. There aren’t even any decent cheats for the game as the password system is simply for jumping to the game’s levels so you’ll probably be done with this game after one playthrough or session.
The Summary: Boy, was I disappointed with Asterix and the Great Rescue. Onceagain, I as met with a 16-bit iteration of a videogame that pales in comparison to its bright, humourous, and fun 8-bit counterpart; you know it’s bad when even the Master System’s game gives Asterix and Obelix different abilities and playstyles and has more gameplay variety. Honestly, I can’t even say that this game looks good as, compared to other games of a similar genre that came out at the same time, Asterix and the Great Rescue looks and sounds like 1989 Mega Drive title rather than a 1993 release. Clunky, awkward controls, a rubbish combat system, confusing and frustrating gameplay, and just a complete lack of entertainment and engagement make Asterix and the Great Rescue an extremely disappointing title that saves itself from a one-star review simply because I am a big fan of the comics and characters but, honestly, I wouldn’t recommend anyone actually bother playing this letdown of a game.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
What did you think to Asterix and the Great Rescue? How do you think it compares to other Asterix videogames and games of its genre? Did you enjoy the title and feel I’m being too harsh on it or do you agree that it was a frustrating and disappointing mess of a game? Which character, book, or movie is your favourite? How are you celebrating Asterix and Obelix’s anniversary, and the release of the Mega Drive, this year? Whatever your thoughts on Asterix, feel free to leave a comment below or on my social media.
The Date: 25 October 1998 The Venue: MGM Grand Garden Arena; Paradise, Nevada The Commentary: Tony Schiavone, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, and Mike Tenay The Referee: Mickie Jay The Stakes: Singles match for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship
The Build-Up: World Championship Wrestling (WCW) gets a lot of flack for not building more original, home-grown stars; one of the principal reasons they took a commanding lead in the “Monday Night Wars” against the then-World Wrestling Federation (WWF) was because they lured over big-name stars like Hulk Hogan and “Macho Man” Randy Savage with lucrative contracts to cash-in on their mainstream popularity. However, there are actually many home-grown WCW stars: “The Icon” Sting was unquestionably the heart and soul of the company, “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair their most prolific link to the glory days of the National Wrestling Alliance (NWA), Diamond Dallas Page/DDP their most inspirational story of a journeyman wrestler becoming a beloved figurehead, and Bill Goldberg easily their most successful home-made talent. After an injury saw his American football career come to an end, Goldberg transition first to powerlifting and mixed martial arts before being persuaded by Sting and Lex Luger to train at the WCW Power Plant. Impressed by the big man’s physique and intensity, WCW head honcho Eric Bischoff rushed Goldberg to television and booked him on an unprecedented winning streak that saw him amass an alleged win 173 consecutive wins (though the number was actually closer to 156) using a very simple formula of hitting a couple of big moves, including performing his finisher, the Jackhammer, on the seven-foot Giant! In contrast, DDP was a late bloomer, having started as a manager before transitioning to an in-ring career at the relatively late age of thirty-five. Page hit his stride when he famously rejected joining the New World Order (nWo) super stable and cemented himself as WCW’s top babyface, scoring WCW Tag Team Championship and United States Championship victories with his signature Diamond Cutter, which he boasted he could hit on anyone, anywhere, at anytime. Goldberg’s impressive (if inflated) winning streak eventually saw him dethrone “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship on one of the most successful (if controversial) episodes of WCW Monday Nitro in 1998. After DDP earned the right to challenge for the championship at Halloween Havoc by winning a War Games match the previous month, the stage was set for these two icons to collide but it wasn’t all plain sailing. Goldberg disagreed with DDP’s ideas for the match and WCW came under fire when the pay-per-view overran its allotted timeslot, meaning paying viewers didn’t get to see the main event bout and had to settle for a re-run on the following episode of Monday Nitro.
The Match: As I’ve detailed before, I wasn’t lucky enough to grow up watching WCW or WWF; I wasn’t able to get into wrestling until early-2000, and by then all I could really watch were WWF pay-per-views, so my knowledge of WCW was limited to magazines and videogames. Still, competitors like Goldberg and DDP definitely stuck out for me, primarily because they had a lot of media attention and featured in one of my first real experiences of WCW, the ill-fatedReady to Rumble (Robbins, 2000). I didn’t really get to see DDP in action until he was inexplicably cast as the Undertaker’s sadistic stalker during the botched “Invasion” angle, a decision which meant DDP’s WWF and World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) career never reached the heights of his WCW fame. Similarly, I wouldn’t get to see Goldberg in action until he arrived in WWE in 2003 for a lacklustre run that saw him put on one of the worst performances in wrestling history, and later further tarnish his reputation with a series of questionable performances following his Hall of Fame induction. Still, I’m always excited to watch WCW biggest stars perform at the height of their career and popularity and to see them booked correctly, especially as this is considered one of the best matches in either man’s career. There was a moment of trepidation as the bell rang; at this point, Goldberg has amassed a winning streak of 154 and his matches were short, sharp affairs that played to his strengths as a powerhouse. DDP, meanwhile, was more of a technician and a wily competitor, though neither man backed down or showed any fear; this was undoubtedly a match with high stakes for both since it meant a championship reign for DDP and another feather in the cap of WCW’s brutish superstar. After a spot of jaw-jacking, the two men locked up, with DDP being easily overpowered in the early going; Goldberg repeatedly tossed him into the far corner with little effort and DDP, realising that tenacity alone wouldn’t win the day, changed tactics, stalling for time and then took the big man down with an arm drag before goading him into charging the two of them through the ropes and to the outside.
It took some time for Goldberg to play to his strengths and he ended up injuring himself as a result.
The crowd grew a little restless as the two men stalled some more and clambered back into the ring; DDP went back to basics, slapping on a headlock, only for Goldberg to surprisingly wrestle his way out of it with a wrist-lock takedown and then counter DDP’s attempts at a trip with an impressive standing back flip! DDP’s efforts to rile Goldberg up resulted in the big man losing his cool and pummelling the challenger with some stiff shots, slamming him to the mat with an overhead throw, and then locking in a cross armbreaker on the canvas. DDP easily reached the ropes and stunned Goldberg with a jawbreaker before laying in some forearms and working over Goldberg’s arm and shoulder; however, he found himself tumbling outside when Goldberg easily threw off an attempted Diamond Cutter. Once DDP hopped back into the ring, Goldberg went back to the wrist lock and, this time, DDP countered with a drop-toehold before being bashed to the outside again with a shoulder block. A jawbreaker over the ropes and a spinning neckbreaker saw allowed DDP to press the attack, tossing Goldberg into the corner and scoring a two count off a Russian leg sweep. DDP put the pressure on with a front facelock to give both men a chance to rest, but Goldberg soon fought back with some stiff knee strikes to DDP’s ribs and that weird spinning takedown thing he liked to do. Goldberg followed up with a modified suplex and a nice sidewalk slam, but a lackadaisical cover saw DDP easily kick out. Goldberg then punished DDP with another cross armbreaker but, clearly having run out of moves, paid the price when he tried for another sidewalk slam as DDP countered with an awkward, but effective, headscissor takedown! Goldberg popped right back up, however, and delivered a sidekick (thankfully not to DDP’s head…) but crashed and burned on a Spear attempt when DDP wisely flipped out of the way and caused the champion to charge shoulder-first into the ring post and spill to the outside.
Both men hit their signature moves but it was the undefeated Goldberg who eventually came out on top.
The two milked the moment to take a breather before DDP took Goldberg down with a big top-rope clothesline for a two-count; despite favouring his right arm, Goldberg planted DDP with a uranage-like slam (that honestly looked like DDP countered into a DDT). Although DDP got to his feet first and called for the Diamond Cutter, he got absolutely blasted with Goldberg’s trademark Spear, much to the delight of the crowd, but Goldberg couldn’t capitalise thanks to his shoulder injury from the ring post. This also meant he struggled to lift DDP for the Jackhammer and, when he finally did, the challenger slipped out of it and planted him with the Diamond Cutter. However, exhaustion also meant that DDP couldn’t immediately follow-up so Goldberg easily kicked out. It was at this point that the crowd really came alive, just in time for Goldberg to counter DDP’s suplex into a Jackhammer and score the three count in the blink of an eye! Having been taken to his limit, Goldberg helped DDP to his feet and showed him respect before celebrating his win to a chorus of cheers. However, I have to say that I wasn’t massively won over by this; Goldberg was always at his best when he played to his strengths, which meant power, power, and more power. There were times here where he looked lost and his limitations showed, such as him struggling to respond to DDP’s attempts to get him up and him going for the same moves. It wasn’t massively glaring but it makes DDP’s efforts to carry Goldberg to a more competitive match even more obvious; Goldberg, didn’t exactly press his attack, or overpower DDP enough for me to believe that Page was too beat up to make a cover, especially as DDP did a lot of stalling throughout the match. I appreciated the attempt to showcase Goldberg’s more technical abilities, but his physicality could’ve been played up more, maybe with a few more hard shoves and that military press slam he liked to do. In the end, it was a decent match, potentially the best of Goldberg’s career at that point, but I could feel the crowd getting restless throughout and I echoed those sentiments and was just waiting for a little more action from both men.
The Aftermath: Although this wouldn’t be the last time Goldberg and DDP faced off against each other, it did mark the end of their feud; by the next month’s pay-per-view, DDP was once again the WCW United States Champion and was busy feuding with Bret “Hitman” Hart. Although Goldberg wasn’t on the show, he did headline Starrcade the following month, where he lost the WCW Championship and had his winning streak snapped in controversial fashion by “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash following interference from Scott Hall and a taser. Goldberg and DDP wouldn’t face each other again until April 1999, where they battled for the WCW Championship on an episode of WCW Monday Nitro, this time with DDP as the champion. They battled each other sporadically throughout 1999, with their final match being a singles bout at Fall Brawl 1999, which Goldberg again won. As far as I can tell, they never crossed paths when in WWE and, with DDP officially retired and committed to helping wrestlers and others improve their lives through his DDP Yoga, I can’t imagine that we’ll ever see these two locking up in a match ever again.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Are you a fan of Goldberg’s match against Diamond Dallas Page at Halloween Havoc? Do you agree that it’s one of their best matches or do you think it’s over-rated and prefer a different bout of theirs? Were you a fan of either man during their WCW days? Which of their matches and moments was your favourite and what did you think to their career outside of WCW? What’s your favourite Halloween Havoc match or event? Whatever your thoughts on Goldberg, DDP, WCW, and Halloween Havoc, I’d love to see them in the comments.
Released: 13 April 2012 Director: Drew Goddard Distributor: Lionsgate Budget: $30 million Stars: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, and Bradley Whitford
The Plot: Five college students retreat to a remote forest cabin for a well-deserved break and find themselves stalked by a family of backwoods zombies. However, all is not as it seems as the group find themselves manipulated by technicians in an underground facility who are attempting to appease ancient, slumber deities with human sacrifices.
The Background: The Cabin in the Woods was the result of an intense two-day writingsession between noted filmmaker Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard, who had previously worked together on Whedon’s television projects. The film came from Whedon’s desire to revitalise the horror genre with a love letter to all of horror’s most enduring clichés. While much of the movie was shot in Vancouver, the film necessitated a great deal of designs and hands to bring to life the many and varied monsters and special effects for the film’s finale; these were handled by AFX Studios, who had nearly a thousand people turning in hundreds of creature designs for the film’s climax. When the initial studio suffered financial difficulties, the film was delayed until Lionsgate stepped in to save it, and it eventually released to positive reviews and came to be regarded as an instant cult classic despite barely clearing $66 million at the box office.
The Review: If there’s one overused cliché in horror, it’s got to be the “cabin in the woods” formula of a bunch of twenty-somethings teenagers heading out into some desolate woods in the middle of nowhere to stay in a rotting cabin and be terrorised by zombies or ghosts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the Evil Deadfranchise (Various, 1981 to present) and the concept has birthed some great horror films, but I always found the cliché to be really odd. Maybe it’s a “me” thing; I grew up in a village here in the UK and prefer my holidays or breaks to be somewhere hot, like the beach, or to at least be near to a city or civilisation. Buggering off to a shitty cabin with no real mod-cons seems like one of the worst getaways I can imagine, so I always find it odd how characters in these films are so gung-ho about going there. It must be a “thing” when you live in a massive city like those in the US; you just wanna reconnect with nature and get drunk without the cops kicking your door in. All this is to say that, on paper, The Cabin in the Woods sets itself up as being little more than a continuation of this tried-and-tested cliché; indeed, that ends up being the entire point and our main characters are even forced to assume traditional stock horror roles like “The Virgin” and “The Athlete” thanks to the machinations of those controlling the horrors in and around the cabin.
The Facility staff are desensitised to the violence and moral implications of their job.
Of course, this is all part of a carefully constructed scenario orchestrated by the mysterious “Facility” located on the grounds near the cabin. All throughout the film, the story cuts to technicians Gary Sitterson (Jenkins) and Steve Hadley (Whitford), two long-term employees of the Facility who have been manipulating youngsters and sacrificing them to appease the slumbering, malevolent “Ancient Ones” so often that they’ve become completely desensitised to the lives that are frequently lost in their bizarre ritual. This is true of all employees of the Facility, save for newcomer Daniel Truman (Brian J. White), a security officer who is not only stunned by how routinely the technicians go about manipulating and killing their victims but disgusted to find they place bets on the monsters the kids unwittingly conjure to pursue them and who dies first, though technician Wendy Lin (Amy Acker) explains it’s their way of “letting off steam” to cope with the horror of their everyday lives. Presumably a government-sanctioned operation, the Facility is just one of many all over the world; the US branch has the second-best track record of success, while the Japanese is the most efficient at appeasing the Ancient Ones, though it’s suggested on numerous occasions that the rituals often fail and come down the US and Japanese branches, hinting that this isn’t exactly a fool proof or even competent system. This is only further reinforced by numerous barely noticed and easily ignored missteps throughout the film; the likes of Sitterson and Hadley have become so complacent and numbed to the routine of it all that they don’t treat serious flags like a failure to communicate changes or electrical glitches or the ineffectiveness of their drugs as an issue until its too late. Indeed, the Facility noticeably shakes numerous times to indicate the Ancient Ones’ displeasure but this is mistaken as them being satisfied by the kills, with Sitterson and Hadley and the others often prematurely celebrating the sacrifice of their victims without confirming an actual kill since they’re more concerned with perving on the girls, making fun of their “Harbinger”, Mordecai (Tim de Zarn), and hastily celebrating their victory with tequila.
Our heroes are forced into roles that don’t fit them thanks to the Facility’s influence.
Our group of unsuspecting victims are four college friends, with Dana Polk (Connolly) being our main protagonist and ultimate “Final Girl”. Although she’s pigeon-holed by the Facility as “The Virgin”, Dana’s actually more suited to the “Whore” role that they force upon her friend, Jules Louden (Hutchison), since Dana just got out of an illicit affair with a college professor, walks around in her undies, and is more than willing to partake of alcohol and pot. Jules, a pre-medical student who has recently unwittingly dyed her hair blonde using the Facility’s products to make her more promiscuous, is the girlfriend of sociology major Curt Vaughan (Hemsworth), a well-read and responsible young man who also happens to be on the college football team, so he’s designed “The Athlete” by the Facility despite his friend, Holden McCrea (Williams), being more suitable since he’s much more about the game. A newcomer to the group, Holden is manipulated into taking on more scholarly attributes to fit the Facility’s tropes but is there in the hopes that he and Dana will connect so she can move on. While there’s an obvious attraction (both can’t resist the temptation to make use of the two-way mirror between their rooms) and they become closer as the film (and the horrors) progress, Dana is still dealing with the abrupt end of her affair and there’s a third wheel in their would-be romance. Namely, Marty Mikalski (Kranz), a pot-head and conspiracy theorist who spouts observational philosophy that sounds ridiculous but actually makes him the first to notice that something isn’t quite right at the cabin. He’s probably the most amusing and memorable of the group since he’s not just baked out of his mind; he stands up for Jules when gas attendant Mordecai insults her and questions Facility-influenced decisions that split the group up or having them poking around with things they should leave well alone.
Of all the monsters, the victims unwittingly summon a family of undead rednecks.
Thanks to the Facility’s influence, our protagonists are easily re-routed from their intended destination by the organisation’s agents, such as Mordecai (who takes his job as the local doomsayer a little too seriously), and unable to escape thanks to both a rockfall sealing the only exit and a massive, semi-translucent electrical barrier trapping them in the area. The cabin (and, indeed, the entire grounds) is full of surveillance devices that allow the Facility to monitor their every move and manipulate them more effectively; pheromones, drugs, and other intoxicating influences subtly alter their personalities into their intended roles, increase their libido, and hinder their rational thinking (with Marty proving somewhat immune to this thanks to his special batch of pot). This pushes them to investigate the cabin basement, which is a treasure trove of bizarre objects and cursed memorabilia, each of which is tied to a specific monster held in an elaborate series of holding cells within the Facility. Where these monsters came from or how they were ensnared by the Facility is left intentionally vague (they’re said to be remnants of the “Old World” and the things that inspired our nightmares), but they’re evoked through such staples as medallions, musical boxes, obscure puzzles, and mirrors. However, it’s the diary of Anna Patience Buckner (Jodelle Ferland) that wins out; when Dana reads the diary aloud (encouraged by all except Marty), the zombified Patience and her family (Mathew (Dan Payne) and Father Buckner (Dan Shea)) rise from the grounds and attack the protagonists with trowels and hatchets. With a 100% clearance rate, the Buckners also represent the Facility’s last hope at appeasing the Ancient Ones when all their sister facilities meet with failure, even the much-lauded Japanese site.
The Nitty-Gritty: The Cabin in the Woods is an extremely clever and interesting spin on the horror genre; laced with metatextual context and humour, the film is as much a commentary on the genre as it is a subversion and love letter to the tropes associated with it. Sitterson and Hadley stress that, while they may rig the “game”, the victims ultimately choose their own destiny: they could ignore Mordecai’s warnings, but they continue on; they don’t have to go down to the cellar, but are compelled to do so; and they have no idea that they’ll be conjuring a monster until it’s too late because free will is all part of the “system”. Similarly, the Ancient Ones are cleverly positioned as an allegory for film audiences and horror fans, who constantly want more of the same and expect clichés like drunken, horny teens swimming in the lake or getting it on in misty woods in the dead of night. Thanks to the Facility, Curt starts acting like a jock alpha male, Holden starts wearing nerdy glasses, and Jules becomes a promiscuous slut; Marty’s warnings go unheeded since he’s off his nut and they all end up to out of it to properly defend themselves, much to the delight of the Facility staff, who watch with gaping mouths as the group first becomes hornier and then suffers at the hands of the Buckners, though this redneck zombie torture family proves to be far less effectual than they would like.
The Facility’s monsters go on a blood-soaked rampage after being let loose!
As undead killers, the Buckners are unrelenting, zombie-like monsters; armed when jagged, rusty saws and hatchets, they attack Curt and Jules, beheading the latter and offering the first humble blood sacrifice to the Ancient Ones. The true intentions of the cabin and the Facility are hinted throughout from the early going; not only is imagery of ritualistic killings prevalent in the opening credits, but the cabin itself is filled with macabre pictures and stuffed animals representing hunting and sacrifice. There’s a lot to spot on the monitors in the Facility as other subjects are met with failure around the world, with the most prominent being the Japanese school girls imprison an onryō (Naomi Dane) in a frog, but the true extent of the monsters on show is delivered in spectacularly bloody fashion during the finale after Dana hits a convenient big red button that unleashes all the monsters so they can run rampant throughout the Facility. There’s so much to see here that you’ll probably spot something new on each watch: there’s giant snakes and bats and other insects, reptiles and animals; a killer clown (Terry Notary), a stoic hell monster with buzz saws imbedded in its face (Greg Zach), a family of masked psychopaths, rabid dogs, vampires, witches, werewolves, mutants, eldritch abominations, and even a unicorn! Many of these are based on popular horror movie monsters and all of them are extremely aggressive and tear the Facility’s staff apart without mercy. While all the staff bet on which monsters they want to see appear, Hadley is obsessed with having a merman (Richard Cetrone) take the win, only to suffer an extremely ironic and violent death when a merman waddles over and devours him, spewing his blood from the blow-hole like vent on its back!
With the rituals having all failed, the Ancient Ones rise to destroy the world.
This mass purging of the monsters comes after Dana and Marty avoid the Buckners, despite appearing to die on more than one occasion, thus unintentionally convincing the Facility that they’ve succeeded. After repeated failed escape attempts result in the spectacularly abrupt and explosive death of Curt (who arrogantly tries to jump a ravine on his motorcycle and collides with the forcefield as a result) and Holden is skewered through the throat, Dana and Morty stumble upon the Facility and realise they’ve been manipulate the entire time. Although they take their revenge by unleashing the monsters, they’re ultimately confronted by the Director (Sigourney Weaver), who explains the whole purpose behind the ritual sacrifice and demands that Dana kill Marty to spare the world the apocalypse the Ancient Ones’ awakening would bring. It’s easily one of the best gags in the film that the victory over the monsters is actually a bad thing as it brings humanity one step closer to oblivion so, while you’re rooting for these characters to survive (as per the “system”), it’s actually better if they fail so that the Ancient Ones will be appeased. Ultimately, while Dana seems to contemplate compliance, she is injured by a werewolf (Richard Cetrone) before she can go through with it; after the Director is killed by Patience, the two friends reconcile and decide that humanity isn’t worth saving after all. At the start of the film, Marty haphazardly shares his belief that society deserves to crumble in order to escape the control, pressure, and influence of outside sources; this is revisited in the end, when he and Dana are the last ones left alive and have no way of stopping the inevitable apocalypse, so they simply share a joint and watch as it happens.
The Summary: At first glance, The Cabin in the Woods is every cursed cabin, zombie horror film you’ve ever seen; the characters fall into their intended roles simply enough and it’s not long before the drinks are flowing, tongue spit is being exchanged, and blood is splattering everywhere as the kids are whittled down and attacked in classic slasher fashion. However, it’s actually one of the cleverest subversions and deconstructions of the genre I’ve ever seen; similar to parody movies and self-aware, meta-heavy horror films like the Scream franchise (Various, 1996 to present), the film offers wry commentary on the clichés of horror, the expectations of those watching, and suggests that all horror is purposely manufactured to appease the masses (which, of course, it is). Featuring some fun performances and some really impressive practical effects, The Cabin in the Woods is bolstered by the sharp dialogue and gags and the absolute bloodbath that features in the darkly bleak ending. It’s easily one of the most unique and entertaining twists on the genre I’ve ever seen; I love the idea that our darkest imaginations and fictional nightmares are born from these eldritch horrors and how it expands upon the concept of rooting for the killer so prevalent slasher films so there’s a mixture of relief and resentment towards Dana and Marty for surviving. Above all else, the film is worth a watch for the blood-soaked finale and the absolutely pitch-black final shot, which offers the briefest glimpse of the Ancient Ones and the end of all humanity. Fans of horror will be well placated with all the allusions, references, and gore on offer here but I think this one’s worth a watch from even casual horror fans, and especially sceptics, for the way it analyses and subverts the genre.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Great Stuff
Are you a fan of The Cabin in the Woods? Which of the main characters was your favourite and what did you think to the staff at the Facility? Which of the monsters would you have put your money on? Did you enjoy seeing the monsters let loose at the end? Which was your favourite and what did you think to the Buckners? Did you enjoy the self-aware horror and commentary in the film? Would you like to see some kind of follow-up exploring what happened after the Ancient Ones rose? You can leave your thoughts on The Cabin in the Woods in the comments below or comment on my social media, and be sure to check back for more horror content!
Released: 30 April 2005 Director: Brett Leonard Distributor: Sci-Fi Pictures Budget: $5 million Stars: Matthew Le Nevez, Rachael Taylor, Jack Thompson, Steve Bastoni, and Conan Stevens
The Plot: New Sheriff Kyle Williams (Le Nevez) arrives in the sleepy town of Bywater, only to find the area subjected to a series of gruesome murders. As he investigates, Kyle uncovers a plot to pollute and desecrate the sacred swamp waters, and the presence of a horrific swamp creature (Stevens) looking to enact revenge!
The Background: Due to the implementation of the Comics Code Authority (CCA) in 1954 following widespread public concern, comic book publishers like Marvel had to dance around nonsensical rules to avoid corrupting vulnerable child readers from such horrors as violence, supernatural threat, and sexual content. Consequently, publisher Martin Goodman cancelled the none-CCA-approved Savage Tales after just one issue, though it released long enough to introduce Doctor Theodore “Ted” Sallis/Man-Thing. A creation of writers Stan Lee, Roy Thomas, Gerry Conway, and artist Gray Morrow (and entirely different from DC Comics’ Alec Holland/Swamp Thing), Man-Thing has had a not insignificant impact in Marvel since his debut but, it’s fair to say, is one of their more obscure monstrous characters so it was a little surprising to see him included in Marvel’s deal with Artisan Entertainment to produce at least fifteen adaptations of Marvel properties. Development of a Man-Thing movie can thus be traced back to 2000, where the project flip-flopped between a straight-to-video and a cinematic release before the then-recent success of superhero movies like Blade(Norrington, 1998), X-Men (Singer, 2000), and Spider-Man(Raimi, 2002) made a theatrical release more financially viable. Filming took place entirely in Sydney, Australia, which producer Avi Arad later blamed for the film’s failures as Marvel Studios were unable to properly micromanage and supervise the production to ensure a higher standard of quality. A low-budget production meant that the titular creature’s screen time was often rushed, causing the impressive practical effects and suit to become mired in sub-par CGI and, while the film had a very limited theatrical release, it eventually saw the light of day on the Sci-Fi Channel and home video. Consequently, Man-Thing made a paltry $1.1 million gross and was torn apart by scathing reviews that attacked everything but the special effects. Largely forgotten these days, the Man-Thing rights eventually reverted back to Marvel Studios and, after a few subtle allusions to the character, the Man-Thing officially joined the MCU in theWerewolf by Night special (Giacchino, 2022).
The Review: If I’m being completely honest, I barely had any knowledge of the Man-Thing prior to this movie; I think he cropped up in an issue of Howard the Duck or a Hulk comic I once read as a kid, but it could’ve just as easily been someone like Taboo or Joseph Timms/The Glob. I was slightly more familiar with his DC Comics counterpart, Swamp Thing, thanks to watching (and being unimpressed by) Wes Craven’s 1982 movie and hazy memories of his short-lived cartoon from the nineties but, suffice it to say, I was not some die-hard Man-Thing fan, and in the years since I first picked up this movie the most I’ve really experienced of the character is this movie and his debut story. Still, back when this film came out, I was intrigued by the footage I’d seen; being a big fan of monster and horror films and gory practical effects, I was well on board for experiencing a different kind of comic book movie at a time when the genre was properly moving into a “safe zone” of family-friendly action spectacle. All of this means that I had relatively low expectations, couldn’t really get worked up about any changes made to the source material, and was mildly satisfied upon my first viewing and, even now, I often chuck Man-Thing on if I’m in the mood for a gore-fest that’s not something more mainstream.
Kyle Williams is new in town and beset by local issues and a string of grisly murders.
That’s not to say that Man-Thing is very impressive, by any means; it has a definite made-for-television presentation in the camera work and the quality of the actors, with the cast made up of mostly Australian television and bit-part players, which is fine for this kind of B-movie but keeps it from living up to the standards (however low they may be) for similar films released around this time, like Doom(Bartkowiak, 2005) and Hatchet (Green, 2006), which were both B-movie horrors that were bolstered by a bigger budget, bigger stars, or from being throwbacks to the slasher genre of old. Nowhere is this more evident than in our lead character; a kind of Ben Browder knock-off, Matthew Le Nevez does what he can, but his fish-out-of-water character is nothing we haven’t seen a million times. Looking for a fresh start and a chance to prove himself in a position of authority, the new sheriff is flustered to find his hideously departed predecessor has left him only one deputy, Eric Fraser (Alex O’Loughlin), and that the town is torn between preserving the sacred swamplands of Dark Water and welcoming the profits brought in by industrialist Frederick Schist (Thompson). Still, while Fraser is amicable enough towards Kyle, there’s a degree of distrust and scepticism levelled towards him not just because he’s new in town but also because of his youth and perceived lack of experience, especially considering the many missing people and gruesome deaths in the small town. Though he’s very much a by-the-book sheriff, Kyle’s also quite fair and humble; he doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers and is eager to ensure total co-operation with his department, but is equally sympathetic towards schoolteacher Teri Elizabeth Richards’ (Taylor) attempts to oppose the desecration and pollution brought by Schist’s operation. The feisty and moralistic Teri immediately clashes with Kyle, kicking him to the dirt and winning herself a stay in the cells for her disruptive actions; however, Kyle admires her fighting spirit and soon turns to her for assistance with the swamp and the legends that permeate it. Naturally, as the two most attractive characters in the film, a mutual attraction sparks up between the two as they’re both captivated by their shared sense of moral justice and desire to do what’s right, and they find a common cause to rally against once the extent of Schist’s violent nature becomes apparent.
Local industrialist Schist has no problem killing or rolling over those who threaten his operation.
Kyle’s most pressing concern, however, isn’t local politics or superstition, but the number of violent deaths that have recently occurred in Bywater and around the Dark Water swamp. Initially, the most obvious suspect (at least, according to Schist) is Mestizo extremist Rene LaRoque (Bastoni), who has been sabotaging Schist’s facilities. Schist resents the backlash from locals and the Seminole community of Bywater since he legally appropriated all of his land from Ted Sallis, the Seminole shaman and chieftain, who then disappeared after stealing the money for himself. However, in truth, LaRoque helped broker the deal to improve things for the tribe, while Sallis was vehemently opposed to it and, in an effort to make up for his greed, LaRoque has been disrupting Schist’s operations ever since. Schist is a force to be reckoned with, however; firmly seeing himself as nothing more than an industrialist, Schist is protected by his wealth and influence and the fact that all the paperwork says he hasn’t broken any American laws. With no time for mysticism or mumbo-jumbo, Schist is concerned only with profit and expanding his empire but, while Kyle is smart enough to initially be respectful and amicable to Schist, it’s pretty clear that he’s a shady character not just through his boisterous and somewhat condescending nature but also in the startling similarity between his company logo and the Nazi swastika. Since he’s a prominent entrepreneur and wealthy businessman, Schist holds a lot of sway in Bywater; he can influence the hiring and firing of sheriffs, encourages Kyle to play the game and pursue LaRoque, and even orders people to be arrested for disturbing his building and oil digging. Naturally, he’s also an extremely ruthless and shady character; bolstered by his son, Jake (Pat Thompson), and local thugs Wayne (John Batchelor) and Rodney Thibadeaux (Ian Bliss), Schist has no problem ordering LaRoque’s death, aggressively leaning on those who get in his way, or getting his own hands dirty since he killed Sallis and photographer Mike Ploog (Robert Mammone) when they threatened his empire.
Ted Sallis is transforming into a monstrous creature that slaughters anyone who threatens its swamp.
At first, all evidence points to LaRoque being behind the sabotage and even the strange events in town, no matter how bizarre they may be; despite Teri’s insistence that LaRoque is innocent of murder, Kyle has no choice but the venture into the swamp to find him to get to the bottom of what’s going on. Of course, Schist’s operation has a far bigger threat, one that’s caused the murky swamps of Bywater to become a hazardous land and violently takes lives, such as Fraser’s, with an inhuman brutality. The region, which is seeped in mysticism and dark supernatural power, is regarded by Native Americans like Peter Horn (Rawiri Paratene) to be the “Nexus of All Realities”, a place where a malevolent spirit dwells that brutally attacks any trespassers, especially those who taint its lands. This is the force that transforms Sallis after his murder at Schist’s hands; while the locals have long believed in a swamp guardian, it’s only after Sallis’s corpse is buried in the Dark Water that this actually comes to life in the form of a hulking swamp creature the obsessive and eccentric Ploog haphazardly dubs the “Man-Thing, man!” While many scoff at such local superstitions, they still actively avoid the swamp because of how dangerous it can be, but Horn knows full well the extent of the dark magic that dwells within it. Horn explains that the angered creature seeks blood to atone for the blood spilled on its sacred land, and has determined that everyone will die, though this is a bit misleading as the creature seems satisfied once Schist’s pump is destroyed in the finale (raising the question why the Man-Thing didn’t just destroy the pump itself, especially considering it was formed right in front of it!) Although the creature shows no real signs of intelligence or humanity, appearing more a force of nature (or supernatural wrath) than anything, it’s driven to slaughter those who venture into its waters, especially any that try to desecrate its swamp. It does this through increasingly brutal means, such as tearing its victims apart, causing roots and foliage to burst from their bodies, or pumping him full of Schist’s polluting oil. Those who know fear have no chance of burning at this Man-Thing’s touch as its whipping tentacles and huge, claw-like hands are far more likely to leave its prey little more than bloody, swamp-covered remains. Even people like Plooq and LaRoque, who routinely visit and live in the swamp, and Sallis’s friends and fellow Seminole aren’t safe from the Man-Thing’s rage; the monstrous being rids its swamp of all interlopers and violatiors, friend or foe and, to make matters worse, is functionally immortal and impervious to harm, even to ancient rituals and sacrifices designed to appease its wrath.
The Nitty-Gritty: While Man-Thing might be a decidedly low-budget (and low-brow) affair, I have to give it props for going all-in with its genre and its premise. It’s fascinating re-watching these licensed properties from before the Marvel Cinematic Universe found a winning formula in family-friendly productions that only touch upon horror or violent elements, and Man-Thing is far more a throwback to the violent, carefree slashers and monster movies of the eighties than anything else. This is evident right from the beginning thanks to a raucous sex scene out on a canoe in the wilds of the swamp that leaves busty Sarah (Imogen Bailey) a screaming, bloody mess and the frequent, barking use of curse words and dark, sticky blood effects. As you might expect, the swamp is very much a big part of Man-Thing; a dark, murky, overgrown mess of withered trees, vines, gloopy muck, and full of alligators and bugs, the swamp is unsightly and hazardous place. While Teri regards it with a great deal of affection, Horn is filled with a respect for its dark power, and Schist just wants to plunder its natural resources, Kyle is completely out of his depth when he ventures into those dark and muddy waters and the film does a decent job of presenting it as a very ominous and mysterious place. Personally, however, I have no love for swamp settings; they’re invariably murky and suffer from low lighting and green filters, all of which is true here, but you can’t really make Man-Thing without a swamp and, considering the time the film takes in building up to the Man-Thing’s first full appearance, the swamp makes for a visually unsettling compromise.
The impressive Man-Thing monster takes its brutal revenge.
Still, if there’s one thing Man-Thing has going for it, it’s the impressive and ambitious special effects. The Man-Thing itself is introduced slowly, building tension and anticipation towards its big reveal, which comes about an hour into the film’s runtime when it stalks and slaughters the Thibadeaux’s before ripping Fraser apart like an insect. Before that, we get an idea of how the creature came into being in flashbacks that resemble the grisly horror of Hellraiser(Barker, 1987) and we see the gruesome aftermath of its unique methods of killing, with Fraser left sickened by the awesome brutality (though both Kyle and coroner Val Mayerick (Brett Leonard) are surprisingly nonplussed by the mangled corpses, which have long been chalked up the alligator attacks). The creature itself is an incredibly impressive combination of a practical suit enhanced by CGI, which is the perfect blend when creating a movie monster, and it’s pretty clear that a big chunk of the budget (if not all of it) went to bringing Marvel’s monstrous swamp-man to life. A hulking beast dripping with vile vines and oozing menace, the Man-Thing easily manhandles and rips apart even the likes of Pete Horn after he tries to sacrifice himself to quell its rage, glaring at its prey with burning eyes and pursuing Kyle and Teri relentlessly for trespassing in its swamp. Determined to track down and kill LaRoque, who seeks to destroy his drilling tower in the Dark Water, Schist ventures into the swamp only to find Kyle and Teri being chased by the Man-Thing in their own attempts to get to LaRoque. Although Schist confesses to killing Sallis and wounds both LaRoque and Kyle, he ultimately meets his grisly end when the Man-Thing impales him with vine-like tentacles and pumps Schist’s own oil back into his body for a fitting and gory demise. Devoid of all humanity and fixated only on eliminating intruders, the Man-Thing turns on Kyle and Teri, forcing LaRoque to sacrifice himself by blowing up the drilling tower, taking himself and the Man-Thing with it. The blast doesn’t actually destroy the beast, however; it simply absorbs the flames and then, after seeing that Schist’s destructive influence has been driven from the Dark Water, it is reclaimed by the swampland to slumber once more until needed, allowing the injured and stunned Kyle and Teri to gingerly make their way back to what passes for civilisation in those parts.
The Summary: For many, Man-Thing will be little more than a low-budget, made-for-television B-level monster movie that pales in comparison to other films in its genre, especially those it owes much of its horror and imagery to. For fans of the titular character, many may also be put off by how different the film is from the source material, which casts the Man-Thing as an uncompromising force of vengeful nature rather than a more sentient and complex character like I assume it is in the comics. For me, though, as a fan of gory monster movies of this type, there’s a lot to like about Man-Thing; the atmosphere, the sense of dread and horror building throughout the film thanks to the near constant darkness and the disgusting murkiness of the swamp really give the film a foreboding ambiance. Of course, the main selling point is the Man-Thing itself; kept in shadow and blending in with the trees and vines of the gloomy swamp, the creature is an extraordinary and terrifying mixture of CGI and practical effects and impresses every time its on screen, which isn’t often, and always makes an impact. Unfortunately, the acting and overall presentation is very cheap and befitting of its made-for-television status; you don’t really watch a film like this for the performances or any kind of nuance beyond one-dimensional villains, gratuitous sex and violence, and somewhat capable lead characters, and Man-Thing definitely doesn’t try to deliver anything beyond these clichés. Overall, I do feel it’s an under-rated and often forgotten Marvel film that can be fun at times, but I can see why this didn’t really make much of an impact, though I am interested in seeing how the MCU utilises the Man-Thing going forward.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
Have you ever seen Man-Thing? Were you a fan of the film or did it leave you disappointed? What did you think to Schist and his plot to besmirch the sacred land, and the lead characters and their performances? Were you impressed by the Man-Thing’s special effects and brutal kills? If you’re a fan of the source material, what did you think to this adaptation? Whatever your thoughts on Man-Thing, leave them below and go check out my other horror content!
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