Released: 1993 Developer: Digital Image Design Also Available For: Amiga, Atari ST, Commodore 64, DOS, Game Gear, Master System, Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), Super Entertainment System (SNES), ZX Spectrum
A Brief Background: Director Paul Verhoeven’s RoboCop (1987) proved profitable enough to earn a sequel, one that was unfairly met with mixed reviews. Both RoboCop and RoboCop 2(Kershner, 1990) were accompanied by videogame adaptations courtesy of Ocean Software, a British developer known for adapting film and television franchises, and Data East. While RoboCop 3(Dekker, 1993) was a critical and commercial bomb, it also received a handful of tie-in videogames. Unlike the other versions of the game, which were again published by Ocean Software, the Mega Drive version was developed by Digital Image Design, who had only one game under their belt at the time. RoboCop 3’s delayed production also meant that many played the game before seeing the movie. Not that it mattered since Orion Pictures kept the specifics of RoboCop 3’s plot a secret, so the developers had to make educated guesses based on rumours and production stills, leading to them wasting weeks of time creating motorcycle sequences that weren’t included in the movie. Although the Amiga and ZX Spectrum versions of the game have been praised for their cinematic atmosphere and gameplay mechanics, the SNES and Mega Drive versions were criticised for their unfair difficulty, uninspired environments, and crude graphics, and the game was ultimately labelled as being one of the worst videogame outings for the famous cyborg cop.
First Impressions: Similar to the firsttwoRoboCop arcade games, RoboCop 3 is a sidescrolling shooter with some minor platforming mechanics. Players must lug RoboCop’s notoriously bulky ass across six levels filled with street punks and robotic enemies all looking to turn him into scrap metal. Like all the best Mega Drive games, RoboCop 3 allows you to set your life count (between one and three), the amount of continues you have (between none and two), and the game’s difficult (Easy, Medium, or Hard; I opted to try out the Easy mode for this play session), but there are there’s no option to disable the in-game timer. By default, A allows you to switch between RoboCop’s different weapons (acquired from item drops during gameplay), B fires his current weapon, and C allows him to jump. These controls didn’t work for me so I took advantage of the customisation options to change them to something that actually makes sense: A to fire, B to jump, and C to change weapons. I should also note that you can hold the fire button to continuously shoot, but this will burn through your ammo pretty quickly (when you run out completely, you’re left relying on RoboCop’s weak-ass punches until you grab some ammo), and you can also shoot upwards, diagonally, and while crouching and jumping. Although the options also include a music and sound effects test, the iconic RoboCop theme is missing and, in its place, are a series of generic, cyberpunk-style rock tunes.
RoboCop is beset by tough enemies and tricky platforming sections that his bulky frame struggles with.
Although we’re treated to a big, detailed graphic of RoboCop and the RoboCop 3 logo, there’s no story graphics or even text here; we’re simply dropped right onto the streets of Detroit, which actually makes a pretty good first impression. You can see the city in the background, RoboCop’s police cruiser, dilapidated buildings (with eviction notices slapped onto them), flickering lampposts, and even signs advertising the impending arrival of Delta City. RoboCop also looks pretty good, far better than the generic and uninspiring enemies he faces, though he has no idle poses and remains an unwieldy and bulky character. You’ll need to make use of the various crates piled about to take cover and avoid incoming fire, but enemies can simply walk and shoot right through them and it’s almost impossible to avoid taking a bullet or rocket to the face as RoboCop is so chunky, meaning you’re liable to see him downed in a dramatic explosion if you’re not careful. RoboCop can pick up a couple of additional ammo types as he goes, including a helpful three-way shot and a powerful laser (that even alters his sprite to include his new gun arm attachment from the movie), and replenish his health using rare pick-ups, but you’ll have to be careful of stage hazards. Falling wrecking balls and bottomless pits are abound and RoboCop’s platforming skills leave a lot to be desired. There’s only one checkpoint in the stage, meaning you have to be really on the ball hopping to small moving platforms and taking out the bullet-sponge tanks and drones that patrol the streets and skies above.
My Progression: I’d heard RoboCop 3 was a difficult game but I didn’t really have many expectations; I vaguely remember playing an polygonal, first-person shooter version of the game on the Amiga (I think…) and enjoying the arcade versions of the previous two adaptations, but there’s one advantage to playing games like those: emulation generally allows you infinite chances to succeed. Mega Drive games don’t always have this luxury and RoboCop 3 is one of those titles where the only cheat available is a level skip, so I decided to go into it with as much of a pure experience as I could and ended up getting quickly frustrated. I really don’t understand why developers had such a problem making RoboCop videogames back in the day; Contra (Konami, 1985) would’ve been a good source of inspiration, hell they could’ve just copied from Turrican (Factor 5/Various, 1990) and been on the right track. Instead, we got these awkward, aggravating platforming/shooter mash-ups that just didn’t work with a character as ungainly as RoboCop. RoboCop Versus The Terminator(Virgin Games USA/Various, 1994) remains the best of the bunch so far and even that game plods along thanks to how unwieldy RoboCop can be. Here, he has no chance against the barrage of enemies (with more appearing on harder difficulties) and you can’t afford to waste too much time as there’s a damn timer ticking down overhead!
Some vague movie references and a top-down shooting section help bolster the mediocre gameplay.
So, no, I didn’t even get past the first stage. With a great deal of patience and abuse of save states, I reached the first boss with full health and armed with RoboCop’s three-way shot and laser, but I stood little chance against the wave-upon-wave of rocket launcher-toting baddies since they attacked from both sides and RoboCop’s crouch is next to useless for avoiding incoming fire. I’ll admit that I kind of rushed a bit and lost patience with the game a lot faster than normal just because of how cheap some of the platforming and challenges were, but I had to tap out in the end as I just couldn’t be bothered to fight my way back to that part. It’s a bit of a shame as the game looks pretty decent; there’s a lovely, detailed graphic of RoboCop on fire and the Enforcement Droid-209 (ED-209) when you die (that even includes a voice sample) and there’s some visual promise to the game, and playthroughs of the game show that it can easily be beaten in less than fifteen minutes if you’re able to stick with it. Looking ahead, there’s more voice samples (all of them from the first movie) and RoboCop fights up and across rooftops, battles waves of Rehab mercenaries alongside a reprogrammed ED-209 (Nikko Halloran even pops in for a cameo), acquires a flame burst, and even encounters a gigantic robotic Satan in a parking garage! Other movie locations include the church (where RoboCop must find keys to open doors and fight the agile robot ninja Otomo in the sewers) and the Omni-Consumer Productions (OCP) tower, where players must defeat two Otomos to finish the game and finally earn some story text. The gameplay is even broken up by some fun-looking, bullet hell overhead shooter sections where RoboCop flies above the city streets in his jetpack blasting at demonic-looking robots and drones, but I honestly can’t be bothered to fire up this drek of a game to try and play them.
I admit that I probably didn’t give RoboCop 3 a fair shake of the stick. Since a boxed, complete version of the game can fetch quite a high price, I settled for emulating the game, but I couldn’t be bothered to hook a second controller up to my Raspberry Pi to input the level select code and I kept accidentally overwriting my save state, so I grew very frustrated with the game myself very quickly. But as I say, even when I reached the first enemy swarm that masqueraded as a boss battle, I couldn’t beat it even with full health, though I’d wager that I might be able to get a little further now that I know what to expect from the game. However, I have no desire to; there are far better similar games on the Mega Drive, the RoboCop arcade games are a much better use of your time, and there’s no way you’d ever pick this game over RoboCop Versus The Terminator. But maybe my opinion doesn’t count as I gave up too quickly. Maybe you actually enjoyed this game. Maybe there are some positives that I missed, or I just didn’t connect with it like you did. If so, I’d love to hear about it. tell me your experiences of RoboCop 3, or RoboCop games in general, in the comments and go check out my other RoboCop reviews across the site!
Throw on your proton pack and get ready to bust some ghosts because June 8th is, officially, “Ghostbusters Day”! Ghostbusters (Reitman, 1984) was first released on this day back in 1984 and, since then, has become a majorpopculture franchise that includes comic books, a popular cartoon and line of action figures, and videogames and it is, easily, one of my favourite films and franchises from that era.
Released: 1987 Developer: Data East Also Available For: Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Atari ST, Commodore 64, and ZX Spectrum
A Brief Background: After Ghostbusters became a bighit, it spun off into a pretty significant franchise comprised of an under-ratedsequel, a questionable reboot, some okay modernfollow-ups, and a handfulofvideogames. The first Ghostbusters-branded videogame was a multi-platform release from Activision that was a huge success despite being wildly different across each home console and containing humorous grammatical errors. This was followed up by an arcade title loosely based on one of the most memorable Ghostbusters spin-offs, the much-loved cartoon. Licensing issues saw the game released as Meikyuu Hunter G in Japan, which included redrawn sprites, the removal of the iconic Ray Parker Jr. song, and the multi-player stripped down to two players instead of three. Unlike the beloved cartoon, The Real Ghostbusters attracted mixed reviews across its various iterations; while some praised the fun gameplay and graphics, many others disagreed and criticised it as an ugly, repetitive, unfair and undemanding, and overall unimpressive shooter.
The Review: I’m doing things a little differently for my review of the Real Ghostbusters arcade game. It’s a naturally shorter review but that’s mainly because the game is so short and simplistic that I don’t see the point in dragging it out too much, but I was also able to finish it so I want to touch base with everything I saw and give it a proper rating. The Real Ghostbusters is a top-down, semi-isometric shooter not unlike its successor, Smash TV (Williams, 1990), perhaps the most popular of this genre. The game allows up to three players (because, once again, Winston Zeddemore gets the shaft) to play simultaneously, but your character is never identified onscreen by name (they’re just “1Up”, “2Up”, and “3Up”) and their sprites are just palette swaps, so you have to go by the colour of their uniforms (blue for Doctor Egon Spengler, yellow for Doctor Ray Stantz, and orange for Doctor Peter Venkman). They also all play exactly the same; there are no stats or attributes to differentiate them, so it really doesn’t matter which character you play as (though “2Up”/Orange/Venkman stands out a little more against the backgrounds). The Real Ghostbusters offers basic, arcade-style gameplay; you simply move your character around the ten stages and blast at monsters with your proton pack using two buttons: one that fires a slower, infinite projectile shot and one that unleashes your proton stream. The proton stream is tied to a yellow meter under your character’s name and score. As you fire it, the meter depletes and you’ll need to grab power-ups or insert a coin to replenish it, which is necessary as the proton stream is the only way of sucking up the ghosts that pop out from defeated baddies and earning points to both out-do your friends between stages and work towards earning extra lives, which are awarded for every one hundred ghosts you capture.
Players compete against each other to grab power-ups and capture the most ghosts.
Following the big title font and a fun scene of Ecto-1 pulling up outside of the Ghostbusters’ headquarters, you’re dropped into the first stage and tasked to “Capture the ghosts, collect the keys, save the city” which is done by zapping the bizarre monsters and ghouls that swarm every area and confronting a boss at the top of the stage. This earns you a key to move on to the next stage, but the game very quickly recycles its environments; you’ll explore the dilapidated rooftops on the first and final stages, then play through a canyon (with bones scattered all about), a graveyard (containing gravestones and tree stumps), a moss-infested catacomb, and a more Hellish variant of the graveyard over and over between the first and last stages. While the environments are quite repetitive, the action is thick and fast. Ghoulies, goblins, and nightmarish creatures infest every screen, constantly respawning, shooting lightning bolts or other projectiles, and making a beeline towards you. As if that wasn’t bad enough, laughing spikes pop up from the floor and the excised spirits will steal power-ups if you’re not fast enough. You’ll also have to climb (well, just walk up) ladders and cross tree trunks to progress, sometimes by blasting rocks or trees to make them appear. Be careful, though; there are a lot of things you can blast, like toxic waste bins and barrels and such, but some of these are just as likely to spawn more enemies as they are power-ups! Power-ups include upgrades to your proton stream and projectile shot to make them more powerful and replenish your meter, an “aura” shield that protects you from damage, and a “Green Ghost” (because, apparently, Slimer wasn’t a popular name just yet?) that both protects you and takes out enemies for a short time. There is also a power-down item, helpfully indicated by its skull-and-crossbones symbol, that debuffs your shot, so watch out for that, but two or more players are able to cross their streams for a more powerful attack. You also have to deal with a timer; you have five in-game minutes to clear each stage, but you can earn more time by inserting a coin or grabbing a power-up. Finally, The Real Ghostbusters is classic coin-muncher if I ever saw one; it’s one-hit kills here and you’ll die a lot throughout the course of the game as the enemies just never stop coming. It’s actually quite impressive how many appear onscreen at once and the sheer variety on offer; it’s a shame that the music didn’t get the same attention as the chip-tune rendition of the iconic Ghostbusters soon wears out its welcome after a few minutes.
The gruesome bosses are recycled and poor substitutes for more iconic Ghostbusters foes.
The Real Ghostbusters is similarly limited in its gameplay variety; between each stage, the Ghostbusters deposit the spirits they’ve captured into the containment unit for bonus points and extra lives, but this is purely a non-interactive cutscene and there are no bonus games to break up the action here. The same goes for the game’s bosses; sure they’re bigger and tougher than the regular enemies and are accompanied by a boss theme, but they don’t require any more skill on your part than to keep blasting and avoiding taking a hit. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the game both recycles bosses and substitutes a boss battle with a gauntlet against swarms of enemies. I gave this a pass at first since the first two introduced two new enemies to the game (weird rotund bird-things that extend their beaks and scythe-wielding demons), but the third gauntlet is simply against the bulbous purple bolt-shooting monsters you’ve been busting all along. The first boss is two large, cloaked figures that resemble the Grim Reaper and bop about shooting spooky napkins. The second is a disgusting, blob-like monster with a gnashing face in its stomach and a single, disgusting eye at the end of an extendable neck, and both of these guys appear again at the end of stage nine. Extendable appendages and swarms of projectiles are commonplace with The Real Ghostbusters’ bosses; the two wall-mounted demons in stage four, the scarier robed priests of stage six, and the lava/rock golems of stage seven all featured these tactics though the priests mix things up a bit by being able to teleport and the golems come armed (literally) with swinging maces. Rather than taking on the iconic Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, your final challenge is to fight to the end of the rooftops and battle two of these golem-like giants, something that’s barely a challenge at all since you can easily make mincemeat of all the game’s enemies with three players. Defeat them and you’re treated to an odd scene of the ghosts and monsters all escaping the Ghostbusters’ firehouse (it’s almost as if the intro and outro cutscenes should’ve been reversed to show the ghosts escaping and the Ghostbusters returning home victorious), a bit of congratulatory text, and the chance to enter your initials into the high score table.
The Summary: I love a good, mindless arcade title, especially one where you can just keep pumping in coins and mowing down waves of enemies to achieve victory. I actually have memories of playing the Amiga version of The Real Ghostbusters back when I was a kid and quite enjoying it, especially compared to the more confusing and taxing Ghostbusters (Activision, 1984), and I could definitely see myself and other kids blowing our pocket money on this fast-paced action shooter back in the day. Having said that, the game is painfully basic; the lack of bonus stages and gameplay variety is staggering, even for an arcade title, and things quickly become repetitive and chaotic. I was obviously emulating the game, so I had unlimited credits, making it a breeze to blast through; while enemies swarmed the screen and took me out again and again, I was back in action at the press of a button but all this tells me was that The Real Ghostbusters was unfairly cheap and designed to rid you of your hard-earned coins with its one-hit kills, strict timer, and sheer amount of enemies. While the chip-tune music gets grating and the semi-isometric perspective can be a little confusing, the game looks decent enough. The Ghostbusters might look awful, but the monsters are all suitably bizarre, Lovecraftian creatures, though this visual appeal is diminished by the fact that most of them just bounce, fly, or wander about shooting the odd projectile. The power-ups are kind of fun but, again, basic; why not change up the projectiles the Ghostbusters shoot or have a screen-clearing bomb or something? Also, the lack of Mr. Stay Puft really diminished the appeal and finale of the game; he was the obvious final boss, but The Real Ghostbusters chose to play it cheap and safe and cycle previous bosses instead. Overall, The Real Ghostbusters was a decent enough arcade game, especially with three players, but nothing massively memorable or innovative.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
Have you ever played the Real Ghostbusters arcade game? If so, what did you play it on and did you enjoy it? Which Ghostbuster did you play as, and were you upset by Winston’s absence? Were you disappointed by the recycled bosses and environments? What are your memories of The Real Ghostbusters and how are you celebrating Ghostbusters Day today? Whatever your thoughts and memories of Ghostbusters, feel free to share them below and be sure to check out my other Ghostbusters reviews across the site.
Released: 11 June 2010 Director: Joe Carnahan Distributor: 20th Century Fox Budget:$100 to 110 million Stars: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Sharlto Copley, Jessica Biel, Brian Bloom, and Patrick Wilson
The Plot: Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith (Neeson) and his crack Alpha Team (or “A-Team”) – narcissistic Lieutenant Templeton “Face” Peck (Cooper), former Army Ranger Sergeant Bosco “B.A.” Baracus (Jackson), and unstable pilot Captain H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock (Copley) – are dishonourably discharged and imprisoned after being framed for murder. After escaping from their prisons and reuniting, these highly adaptable and skilled soldiers must uncover a plot by a corrupt CIA operate and clear their names in the process.
The Background: Between 1983 and 1987, viewers were treated to the exploits of the A-Team, soldiers of fortune created by writers and producers Stephen J. Cannell and Frank Lupo as a spiritual successor to other action-packed television shows, but with Mr. T as a selling point. To the surprise of many, The A-Team proved a big hit and bolstered Mr. T’s career, and development of a feature film began as early as the 1990s. After a proposed Ice Cube-helmed production fell through in 2008, the film finally got underway with Liam Neeson and MMA fighter Rampage Jackson attached to star. Stars Bradley Cooper and Sharlto Copley rode in to the premiere on a real Army tank, but The A-Team was met with middling reviews and an unimpressive $177.2 million box office. With critics and even the cast of the TV series attacking the film’s incomprehensible plot and mindless action sequences, a proposed sequel was unceremoniously cancelled, but I’ve always had a soft spot for it and figured today was a good excuse to revisit it since it’s Liam Neeson’s birthday!
The Review: Since I grew up in the nineties, I never actually got to watch The A-Team as a kid. The show’s initial broadcast was right around the time I was just a little baby, and I don’t remember seeing too many re-runs on television, so I wasn’t as aware of it as other shows from that time, like Knight Rider (1982 to 1986) and Quantum Leap (1989 to 1993) since re-runs and broadcasts of those shows were much more accessible. However, I knew of the show, its distinctive theme music and opening narration, and the mainstream iconography of star Mr. T but, even now, my primary experience of the franchise is through this movie. The film begins with an extended opening and action sequence that brings the titular team together and establishes some of their defining character traits. Hannibal begins in cuffs and mercilessly beaten and threatened by corrupt Mexican Federal officers, who mock his lack of foresight and underestimate his tenacity. Easily freeing himself and cuffing two attack dogs, the seasoned Colonel sparks up a trademark cigar and heads out to rescue Face, who’s facing a slow and painful death at the hands of the vengeful General Javier Tuco (Yul Vazquez). Along the way, providence strikes as Hannibal crosses paths with B.A., a dishonourably discharged Army Ranger who first aids him in rescuing Face and then proves instrumental in helping them liberate their pilot, Murdock, from an Army hospital for a daring escape back to American soil. This opening tells us that Hannibal always has a plan and is highly adaptable, Face is impulsive and often doesn’t understand his commander’s plans, B.A. is a tough-ass brute who hates flying, and that Murdock is absolutely out of his mind…and that these four comprise an almost superhuman Army unit when teamed together.
When his team is framed, Hannibal uses all his resources to fight to prove their innocence.
Thus, when the film jumps ahead to eight years, the A-Team has become well-established and well-respected. Essentially a dysfunctional family dynamic (with Hannibal as the patriarch and the others as his unruly “children”), they share the banter of siblings, chastising Murdock’s unpredictable nature but also finding it amusing when off-mission. While stationed in Iraq under the command of Hannibal’s old friend, General Russell Morrison (Gerald McRaney), Hannibal is approached by Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) Special Activities Division operative Vance Burress (Wilson), who operates under the codename “Lynch”, and offered a mission to recover United States treasury plates and over $1 billion from Iraqi insurgents. Though Defence Criminal Investigative Service Captain Charissa Sosa (Biel) tries to warn them off, Hannibal personally insists that they take point over glorified mercenaries Brock Pike (Bloom) and his private security firm, Black Forest, convincing Morrison to approve an elaborate black ops mission into Baghdad. It’s tough to think of a more competent and honourable leader than Hannibal; even after his team is framed for the theft of the plates, Hannibal tries to shoulder responsibility for the unsanctioned mission, but his men are so loyal that they refuse to be tried separately and thus all receive the same punishment. Experience has taught Hannibal to distrust the likes of Lynch and his CIA cronies due to their clandestine nature and he also doesn’t approve of the likes of Pike and Black Forest. Instead, Hannibal believes in the Army, specifically the Ranger division, since they have their boots on the ground and are doing all the fighting (and the dying) in the name of national security. A well-respected and decorated veteran, there’s little Hannibal hasn’t seen and done and he’s been in enough wars to know the value of planning; he meticulously plots out every detail of every engagement and follows the plan to the letter, even having backup plans prepared for the worst case scenario, so he is astonished and appalled when Morrison’s mission goes awry and the country he fought to protect turns against him so readily. Yet, even when dishonourably discharged and incarcerated, Hannibal is always thinking and planning; through his outside contacts and resources, he acquires better intel on Pike’s Arab backer than even Lynch and his entire motivation for throwing in with Lynch is predicated on the assurance that he and his team receive full pardons and their freedom.
Face strives to live up to Hannibal’s example while Murdock regularly throws caution to the wind.
While Hannibal is clearly the brains of the group, Face is his charming, charismatic protégé; a fast talker and notorious womaniser, Face is mainly defined by his carefree nature, immaculate good looks, and snarky sense of humour even in the face of his own execution. However, while Face’s arrogance and wise-ass nature border on the insane at times, it’s clearly depicted as a façade; deep down, Face is wracked by insecurity since he admires Hannibal so much and aspires to follow his example but worries that he’s not good enough to formulate plans as intricately as his mentor. Face’s impulsive nature raises Hannibal’s ire, primarily because Hannibal knows his protégé has the potential to be better and because the Colonel places such emphasis on preparation and planning. Face’s womanising ways are also depicted as both an asset and a weakness; it allows him to seduce and charm his way through missions but caused him unexpected pain it comes to his relationship with Sosa, the one woman he ever considered getting serious with before she got scared off by the prospect. Now immune to his charms, Sosa has a contentious relationship with Face, one exacerbated after his actions cause her to be demoted to Lieutenant. While Sosa is determined to track down the A-Team, she’s equally driven to identify and expose the conceited Lynch, who degrades her (and all women, it seems) and tracks her progress to mitigate her interference. Because of this, Face is forced to go off-mission to protect her from Pike and plead his innocence as part of Hannibal’s elaborate plan. She begrudgingly aids Face and the others to expose Lynch and redeem herself in the eyes of her peers and Face sees this as an opportunity to reconnect with her, which opens his eyes to his potential as a leader rather than simply being the point man. If there’s a word to summarise Murdock, it’s definitely “insane”. Whether he’s mentally unstable or simply having a good time is up for debate, but his skills as a pilot are not. Thanks to some physics-defying CGI and bonkers scenarios, Murdock pulls off some crazy stunts in anything from a helicopter to a tank and his unpredictable flying skills are so outrageous that they cause B.A. to develop a fear of flying and often place his team in more danger due to Murdock’s suicidal nature.
While Murdock is on point, B.A. is hampered by a pacifist angle and Rampage’s inferior acting ability.
Despite his lunacy, Hannibal believes wholeheartedly in Murdock’s abilities and inspires him to fully commit to the A-Team and their mission, and Murdock is deceptively smart. He easily fools hospital orderlies, press staff, and even border patrol with his uncanny way with languages and assumed personas. While Murdock’s erratic nature makes him a dangerous asset, one just as likely to set his friends on fire for a laugh as he is to rescue them from tight situations, he’s an unparalleled pilot and more than willing to risk his life for the cause, something demonstrated to the fullest when he willingly takes a bullet to the head in the finale. As far as I can tell, the character most different from his television counterpart is B.A.; initially a brave and aggressive former Ranger forged in airborne combat, B.A. is hampered by a crippling fear of flying thanks to Murdock’s insane aerial manoeuvres and becomes a pacifist while in prison. While Rampage certainly looks the part, being a large, tough dude with a bad-ass mohawk and acquitting himself well in his few fight scenes thanks to his MMA background, he’s easily the weakest of the cast. I can’t help but think Ving Rhames or Michael Clarke Duncan would’ve been much better choices for the role as Rampage just doesn’t have the acting chops to stand alongside his peers. B.A. is an extremely loyal and prideful character; he adores his sadly underutilised GMC Vandura but is fully committed to Hannibal’s cause during his time with the A-Team. However, incarceration brought B.A. a clarity he had never known and, by the time he’s freed by his former teammates, he’s reached a state of enlightenment that means he’s willing to help but refuses to kill, thereby robbing B.A. of many of his defining characteristics. B.A. offers a different type of comic relief compared to the blunt Hannibal, slick Face, and madcap Murdock; his street-based slang and attitude makes him an expressive and amusing figure and it is funny seeing him being subdued and coerced into getting back in the air, but the film strangely decides to base much of B.A.’s comedic appeal around his newfound pacifism.
Lynch and Pike’s efforts to acquire the plates require Hannibal’s meticulous planning to stop.
The A-Team crafts a narrative that paints regular soldiers as daring men and women who risk their lives for the greater good; any authority figures or shady government types who appear on-base rather than in the thick of it are treated with suspicion and hostility, which extends to both Lynch and Pike. Both Morrison and Hannibal note that Lynch is simply another expendable government stooge who’s not to be trusted, and Hannibal has nothing but contempt for Pike and his mercenaries, who he sees as a “frat boys with guns”. Hannibal and the others are distraught when Morrison is killed before their eyes and Pike is seen destroying the plates and the money, but these threats are waylaid when the A-Team and arrested and dishonourably discharged for violating their orders since Morrison is unable to corroborate their story. The A-Team’s subsequent focus is on avenging themselves against Pike and clearing their names and they are again forced to make a deal with Lynch to facilitate this when Pike tries to sell the plates to an Arab backer. A smug, arrogant pen-pusher, Lynch has no code of honour and no military experience; he’s a man of secrets and subterfuge who operates behind the scenes. Although he agrees to clear their names, he leaves the specifics of Hannibal’s escape to him and can’t be seen to be directly involved with their mission, making him as much of a liability as Sosa, who makes it her mission to track down the A-Team and bring them back in since she’s convinced that they’re in league with Pike. Lynch’s sole motivation is to acquire the plates for the benefit of the CIA, but he secretly plotted with Pike to steal the plates for himself and was double-crossed by the mercenary and never had any intention of honouring his deals with Hannibal. Unlike Lynch, and despite Hannibal’s disrespect, Pike is well trained and capable; he might take shortcuts and be a glorified mercenary, but he knows how to uncuff himself, handle various firearms, and how to approach a combat situation. Thus, while Lynch panics when in conflict and is heavily reliant upon others, Pike is perfectly happy to wield a rocket launcher and get his hands dirty with some gunplay.
The Nitty-Gritty: Perhaps unsurprisingly, The A-Team is distinctly pro-military. If you’re in the Army or a Ranger then I’d imagine you’d get a lot more out of the film (or maybe not, I can’t speak to the accuracy of the Army’s depiction) but the message is pretty clear: soldiers are to be celebrated and mercenaries like Black Forest and government stooges are not to be trusted. Hannibal’s reputation is so strong he’s able to talk his way onto an Army plane despite being dishonourably discharged and his men follow him out of a deep sense of loyalty, which really sells the bond these men have forged through combat and adversity. For the most part, The A-Team delivers some exhilarating, PG-13 action; there’s a lot of bullets and explosions and stunts but it seems that the filmmakers originally wanted to be a little more risqué. Twice the film uses an “Adios Mike Foxtrot” gag that gets interrupted by big boom-booms and even B.A.’s “Bullshit” is drowned out by a slamming gavel, neither of which are particularly clever methods of censorship and make me wish the lines had been re-dubbed to something more acceptable for the film’s rating. Long-term fans of the TV show may also be somewhat disappointed that the entire film is essentially an origin story and to set up for the status quo of show, where the team were soldiers of fortune rather than simply trying to prove their innocence.
The action is massively over the top, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun!
Still, the action is loud, bombastic, and frenetic; it largely harkens back to the 1980’s action films of old, but with a modern flair such as quick cuts and wonky CGI in places. Things kick off well with B.A. slamming his van into fools and Hannibal single-handedly cutting down Tuco’s forces while Face rolls around in flaming tyres. This is followed by a fun, if over the top, aerial escape that sees Murdock avoiding heatseeking missiles by purposely stalling a helicopter in mid-flight and B.A. clinging on for dear life against an obvious blue screen as the crazed pilot fights to restart the chopper and fly the team to their reinforcements across the border. From there, we’re treated to a montage as the team enacts Hannibal’s outrageous plan to steal the plates, which involves Face and Murdock posing as South African reporters to steal cameras and press passes, B.A. constructing a powerful magnet to fit into a camera, and the liberation of batteries and resources from Black Forest to cobble together the kit they need to intercept the convoy carrying the plates. Thanks to Hannibal’s meticulous nature, the plan goes off without a hitch but ends with them being double-crossed and dishonourably discharged; with six months to plan an escape, Hannibal fakes his own death (with a specially poisoned cigar that almost sees him roasted alive), liberates Face from his comfortable prison cell, retrieves B.A. from a prison bus, and literally busts Murdock out of a mental hospital. This leads to easily the most ridiculous (but no less entertaining) sequences of the film where the team are forced to escape from their plane in a tank! Plummeting in freefall, Face engages in a dogfight with some drones before Hannibal directs Murdock to fire some carefully aimed shots that, thanks to a complete disregard for physics, slows their descent and lands them safely in a lake. Thanks to his intel, Hannibal pinpoints an opportunity to reacquire the missing plates; this involves a daring skyscraper heist that sees the Arab tossed out a window and his parachute being snagged in mid-air by Murdock’s chopper and a zip-line gunfight between B.A. and Pike that requires Hannibal’s intervention since B.A. refuses to take a life.
With Morrisons’s deception revealed, it’s up to Face to plan the team’s payback against Lynch.
Still, the mission succeeds and Hannibal’s worst suspicions are realised when the Arab is unmasked as a disillusioned and embittered General Morrison in disguise, having faked his death to screw Lynch out of the plates alongside Pike. Fully aware of this, Lynch offers Hannibal his freedom in exchange for killing Morrison, but it’s merely another deception to stall him while he calls in an airstrike on their location. Although Morrison is killed in the attack and Lynch frees Pike from Sosa’s custody to help recover the plates, Hannibal lets Face take point on concocting a double-cross. Knowing that Lynch is listening to Sosa’s phone, the two arrange to hand over Morrison and the plates in return for their pardons, planning to distract and intimidate Lynch using theatricality and Murdock doubling for Morrison, his head hidden and protected by a heavily armoured helmet. This plan brings all the character’s individual personalities and arcs together: Hannibal places his faith in his young protégé, Face steps up with a plan of his own and overcomes his insecurities, B.A. realises that he needs to fight to have his freedom (which culminates in him crushing Pike’s neck to protect Face), and Murdock gets his closest “near-death experience” yet. While the finale is hampered somewhat by some dodgy CGI on the shipping containers, some frantic editing, and chaotic explosions, it’s suitably thrilling and goes exactly to plan. Lynch is completely thrown off by all the theatrics, forcing Pike to take charge with a rocket launcher. With no choice but to get his boots on the ground, Lynch proves relatively competent with his martial arts but is thrown off when “Morrison” stirs to life and ends up exposed and in the custody of another Lynch (Jon Hamm). Despite Sosa’s protestations, the A-Team are also arrested for escaping federal custody; however, a key slipped to Face through a kiss from the re-promoted Sosa allows the team to immediately escape and begin new lives as soldiers of fortune.
The Summary: I feel like The A-Team doesn’t get talked about a whole lot; it came out at a time when the action stars of the 1980s were returning to cinema screens and team-based, explosive action films were as prominent as smaller scale, intense-action thrillers and the first entries of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, so it’s easy to see how it would’ve slipped under the radar a bit. This is a shame as it’s a pretty enjoyable action romp; the cast (with the exception of Rampage) are all solid and have a lot of chemistry, with a snarky wit laced throughout the script and characters like the smarmy Lynch and arrogant Pike. Even though I don’t rate Rampage as highly as his co-stars, I enjoyed the titular team’s interactions and chemistry; I believe they’re firm friends, almost like family, and it’s fun seeing them bounce off each other. The A-Team really shines in its use of elaborate plans and amusing, enjoyable montages; I like seeing the team use various flimsy disguises, sleight of hand, and subterfuge as much as when they perform death-defying stunts and it’s very engaging seeing Hannibal’s meticulous plans come together. Unfortunately, it is a little too over the top at times; the CGI and ridiculous sequences like the “tank flying” and Murdock’s piloting are almost cartoonish even for a bombastic action movie, but it’s all in good fun and I think it comes together quite nicely in the end. I wonder how long-time fans of the TV series reacted to the film but, as a lover of many of these actors and the action genre, there’s more than enough here to keep me coming back for more. It’s a shame we didn’t get to see a sequel that was maybe more in-line with the show, but that doesn’t diminish the appeal of The A-Team and I’d say it’s definitely worth a re-watch if you’ve previously disregarded it.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Did you enjoy The A-Team? Were you a fan of the TV show and, if so, how do you feel the film holds up compared to it? Which of the team was your favourite and what did you think to the cast, specifically Rampage? Did you enjoy the over the top action sequences or was it a little too much for you? Would you have liked to see a sequel or a revival of The A-Team? How are you celebrating Liam Neeson’s birthday and what is your favourite Liam Neeson film? Whatever your thoughts, feel free leave them below or drop a comment on my social media and check out my reviews of other Liam Neeson films across the site.
Sonic the Hedgehog was first introduced to gamers worldwide on June 23 1991 and, since then, has become not only SEGA’s most enduring and popular character but also a beloved videogame icon. In keeping with tradition, I will be dedicating the entire month to celebrating SEGA’s supersonic mascot.
Released: 23 November 1993 Developer: Aspect Also Available For: GameCube, Game Gear, Game Gear Micro, Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo Switch, Nintendo Wii, PC, PlayStation 2, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox, Xbox One, Xbox Series S. Xbox Series X
The Background: Sonic the Hedgehog was the major hit SEGA needed to knock Nintendo off their pedestal and assert themselves into the “Console Wars” of the nineties. However, while SEGA were all in on aggressively pushing their 16-bit Mega Drive console, Sonic also appeared on their 8-bit machines, the Master System and Game Gear, as part of their plan to capitalise on Sonic’s mainstream popularity and success. Though noticeably more obscure and divisive in their reception compared to their 16-bit counterparts, Sonic the Hedgehog(Ancient, 1991) and Sonic the Hedgehog 2(Aspect, 1992) reviewedwell and SEGA turned to Aspect to develop a third game, which the developers aimed to be faster and more detailed than its predecessors. Although Sonic Chaos only released on the Master System in PAL regions, the Game Gear version became a top-seller in the United States and it was highly praised at the time. Contemporary reviews may not be as favourable, but I’ve always had a soft spot for the Master System Sonic titles as they were my introduction to the franchise and I can still remember purchasing my copy of this game over thirty years ago and enjoying how much it mirrored its 16-bit cousins.
The Plot: In another mad effort to conquer the world, Doctor Eggman steals the red Chaos Emerald, upsetting the balance between the remaining five jewels and causing them to not only scatter, but South Island to sink into the sea! South Island’s only hope are Sonic the Hedgehog and his two-tailed buddy, Miles “Tails” Prower, who set out to recover the Chaos Emeralds and stop Dr. Eggman before it’s too late!
Gameplay: Like its predecessors, Sonic Chaos is an 8-bit action platformer in which you must race through six levels (known as “Zones”), each split into three parts (or “Acts”), with a boss battled in the third Act, collecting Golden Rings to stave off death and smashing Badniks for points. Unlike the last two 8-bit titles, Sonic Chaos is the closest to its 16-bit counterparts; not only are animations and mechanics from its bigger, better cousins included for the first time, but the game is much faster and finally includes Tails as a playable character, essentially making this closer to Sonic 2 than the actual 8-bit Sonic 2. Being that it’s a Master System title, there are only two buttons to worry about and they both do the same thing: pressing Button 1 or 2 will see your character jump and holding the button will see them jump a bit higher. However, when you use the directional pad (D-pad) in conjunction with Button 1 or 2, you get a few different results; both characters charge up and release a Spin Dash with down and a button and have unique abilities for when you press up and a button. Sonic will charge up a standing run (the “Strike Dash”) not unlike the Super Peel-Out and Tails will briefly fly for a short time. Because Tails’ flight isn’t activated by double pressing a button like on the Mega Drive, it’s a little clunky to pull off and not as useful for saving you from sudden bottomless pits, and the actual flying controls are equally awkward as Tails feels oddly “heavy” when in the air. Finally, you can press up and down to scroll the screen and check for hazards (and duck, in the latter case) and also hold down when running to roll into a ball, as standard, to plough through Badniks, monitors, and certain walls. Equally familiar is the ten-minute time limit assigned to every Act, though Acts are so short that it’s highly unlikely you’ll get caught out by this and you should breeze through every Act in under two minutes as they’re not very long, though there are often branching paths (with the highest being the fastest and safest route).
New abilities and visuals bring this 8-bit title closer to its 16-bit counterparts.
Since Sonic Chaos’ main unique gimmicks are in its power-ups, you won’t see much new in terms of Zone layout; loops, mobius strips, moving and crumbling platforms, and spikes all make an appearance, as you’d expect, but there are fair few boost pads scattered around to send you speeding ahead as well. Equally prominent in later Zones are the booster tubes that rocket you around at high speed, forcing you to make split second D-pad presses to reach secret monitors and new areas or avoid being sent around in a loop or plummeting to your death. Bottomless pits and spike beds are commonplace here, with some Acts requiring precision platforming to small or falling platforms to clear them, which can be a bit tricky as Sonic and Tails are noticeably slipperier this time around and struggle with their traction. You’ll venture underwater, where you’ll be blasted about by water jets and must grab air bubbles to avoid drowning, ride minecarts down slopes (hopping into tubes or to platforms at the last second), run across conveyor belts and laser-firing pressure pads, and encounter an unusual number of springs. Even Badniks have springs on them here, and they’re also at odd angles on walls, meaning you’ll be bounced around like a pinball, often precariously close to a death pit or under a ceiling full of spikes or destructible blocks, which can be somewhat disorientating. As the game progresses, cheap hazards and death pits increase, something that will Game Gear players to struggle thanks to the reduced screen size. When hit, some of your Rings will scatter for you to recollect, which is an improvement over the last game, and none of the finicky gimmicks from Sonic 2 return here, which is a blessing, though Sonic Chaos could’ve used a few of its own to make its Zones stand out a little more.
Graphics and Sound: While I still prefer Sonic’s sprite from the first 8-bit title, Sonic had never looked better in 8-bit than at this point; he’s larger, a little more detailed, and much more expressive when left idle. Many of his animations (jumping, bouncing off springs) are taken from the 16-bit Sonic 2, which adds a degree of legitimacy to the game not shared by its previous 8-bit titles, and he even does a little victory lap upon defeating the Zone’s boss. Sadly, Tails doesn’t come off quite as well; while he’s cute enough and has his own idle animation, his tails only animate when flying or running and disappear completely when jumping; he also can’t swim, which is a bit of a shame, though I liked how he trots far behind Sonic in the opening cutscene. In terms of music, Sonic Chaos does alright but is painfully limited by its hardware. Many tracks are recycled from Sonic 2 or a garbled, distorted mess and the only tracks I really enjoyed were the various boss tunes, which create a sense of dread and excitement every time the heads-up display vanishes and the boss looms into view. Performance-wise, Sonic Chaos also struggles; if there’s a lot on the screen then the game slows down significantly, meaning you really don’t want to take damage when there’s moving platforms and Badniks on the screen as it slows to a crawl and can mess up your counterattack. Sprite flickering and screen tearing are equally common, which is a shame as it plays well – and much faster than the last two games – when everything’s running smoothly.
Despite some slowdown, the game is largely a visual upgrade compared to its predecessors.
Sonic Chaos follows a similar formula to the last game, beginning with a basic sprite-based cutscene and then throwing the title screen at you before you get into the action. Zones are nothing really new or special beyond some minor exceptions; you start out in Turquoise Hill Zone, the grassy, palm tree introductory Zone now so synonymous with Sonic titles. You can see the sea, some islands, and checkerboard walls in the background and run through loops and winding strips, making this feel like a statement that the Master System can pull off what the Mega Drive did so well. Gigalopolis Zone is a sprawling mechanical city with skyscrapers and twinkling lights in the background that showcases that the Master System was capable of more than just blank, low detail backgrounds; however, the Zone is a bit cluttered, especially in the foreground. Things are a little clearer in Sleeping Egg Zone, though you’ll be bouncing about the mossy ruins so much that you can easily fall down the many bottomless pits hidden from view. Green Hill Zone returns for the third time in a row, this time covered in metal, with bombs up the palm trees, bottomless pits everywhere, mechanical blocks sitting under the grass, and gears and other devices poking up from the ground. Aqua Planet Zone is, again, like a do over of Labyrinth Zone, featuring painfully slow underwater sections and ancient ruins, while Electric Egg Zone is a visual nightmare of conflicting colours, high speed tubes, lasers, and cheap hazards. If I’m honest, I think I preferred the visual variety in the 8-bit Sonic 2; take that and add in the faster, less aggravating gameplay of Sonic Chaos and you’d have something much more enjoyable and closer to the 16-bit games, for sure.
Enemies and Bosses: Although four of Sonic Chaos’s small selection of Badniks will be familiar to seasoned Sonic players, the new ones don’t exactly break the bank and destroying them still doesn’t release a woodland critter back into the wild. The four you should recognise are the Buzz Bombers (who strangely lack their stinger projectile attack) and the Motobug-like Boing-o-Bit, which has a spring on its back to protect it from your jumping spin and to launch you into any ceiling spikes. The Bombin enemies are similar to the ones from the 16-bit Sonic 1; they sit right in your path, usually between laser hazards or on crumbling bridges, and explode in a shower of debris soon after. Anyone who’s played through the 8-bit Sonic 2 will remember the bird-like Mecha Hiyokos, who appear in clusters and hop about and also herald the appearance of the Aqua Planet Zone boss. New Badniks are the beetle-like Metal-o Turtle that just move back and forth trying to ram you, the bizarre Veg-o Bots that offer exactly the same attack pattern, and Frogger, a spring-loaded Badnik that bounces about. Badniks don’t appear all that often, though you’ll usually be surprised by them when you’re bouncing about and they’re often hovering near or over springs, pits, and spikes, slowing down the action and making you double think your jump.
Bosses range from ridiculously easy to annoyingly cheap, but are generally quite fun.
Like in the 8-bit Sonic 2, each Zone ends with a battle against one of Dr. Eggman’s “Master Robots”, larger Badniks or robotic creations that must be bested in a short third Act that hides some scarce Rings and miniature platforming challenges. The first Master Robot is the Lady Bug, essentially an enlarged Boing-o Bot that’s impervious to aerial attack thanks to the giant spring on its back but which folds like paper if you just ram it with the Spin Dash over and over. Gigalopolis Zone’s Bead Worm resembles a giant Caterkiller and puts up a bit more of a fight; it’ll launch its spherical body at you and can only be damaged by hitting its head, but as its body just bounces you away when still attached it’s not exactly a gruelling fight. Things get much trickier when battling the Bouncy Boss Robot; this Dr. Eggman-branded unit bounces about on a spring, occasionally performing a big jump to try and squish you, but it’s greatest threat comes from the bullets it fires and the bounce back upon hitting it, which can drop you right in the path of its fire so you really need to grab the Rings for this fight. Mecha Green Hill Zone’s Tree Crawler is a bit of a step back, especially if you continuously bounce on top of it, rendering its straight shot and spread projectile and crushing slam completely ineffectual. This is a good strategy for the Sphere-o Bot, too, though this boss can be troublesome; it also bounces around firing bullets, which is bad enough, but it’ll send missiles raining into the arena when you defeat it, which can be difficult to dodge because of janky hit boxes. The fight against Dr. Eggman is similarly two-phased; he plods back and forth in his Laser Walker mech, firing a single shot or an annoying bolt that ricochets all over the place, usually right into your bounce back off a successful hit to his cockpit or a useless blow to his craft. After enough hits, he transforms into a flying craft and tries to ram you; you must hit his cockpit or you’ll instantly die, but one well-timed hit and the game’s finished.
Power-Ups and Bonuses: As ever, Sonic and Tails can grab Golden Rings for health and smash monitors for power-ups. You can grab ten additional Rings, a temporary speed up or period of invincibility, but no shield this time around. Passing by the Bonus Panel at the end of Act 1 or 2 will also grant you a Ring bonus or continue, depending on which character appears, and your Rings, speed, and final score are all tallied at the end of each Act. As mentioned, Sonic Chaos’ biggest unique gimmicks are in the new power-ups: Sonic can grab a pair of Rocket Shoes to temporarily (if awkwardly) rocket through the sky, passing over huge chunks of Acts or collecting Rings in Special Stages. Both characters can also jump on the new Hop Springs to be launched higher into the air, but these are also very difficult to control and bashing into platforms, even just a glancing blow, will cause you to lose the power-up and plummet to the ground (and, most likely, down a pit).
Additional Features: I mentioned Special Stages just then and, yes, they do appear here, finally mirroring their format from the 16-bit games as they hide one of five Chaos Emeralds but, in typical 8-bit Sonic fashion, with a strange twist. First, only Sonic can enter Special Stages and he must do so by collecting 100 Rings; if Tails gets 100 Rings, all he gets is an extra life and he’ll never see the game’s true ending, effectively making Tails the game’s “easy mode”. Sonic, however, is teleported to a maze-like sub area and given about one minute to find a Chaos Emerald, collecting regular sixed Rings and Giant Rings for extra lives and the odd stopwatch to freeze time here and there. You’ll be racing through the sky on the Rocket Shoes, bouncing on platforms with the Hop Spring, steering Sonic through tubes, clearing gaps with your regular jump and hidden springs, and navigating a far larger, more complex tube maze to find all five gems. In my entire life of playing this game, which is some thirty years as of this writing, I’ve only ever gotten the first two Chaos Emeralds, so Dr. Eggman always escapes from me at the end of the game, but I’d wager save state manipulation on the modern ports of the game would make getting all five marginally easier.
The Summary: My first exposure to Sonic the Hedgehog was on the Master System; I still praise his 8-bit adventures for daring to try something different and not just be downgraded ports of the 16-bit games, but it’s hard to argue against them being flawed, even sub-par experiences compared to the Mega Drive titles. Sonic Chaos seeks to rectify that and largely succeeds; it’s the closest to the 16-bit games the Master System would ever get, featuring far more detailed sprites and environments that make its predecessors seem crude by comparison. The addition of Tails was a welcome inclusion, and I was glad (and surprised) to see his flying abilities retained and Sonic’s skillset expanded at last. The structure of the Zones is also much closer to the 16-bit games, while still being their own thing (with a strange emphasis on springs), though they’re much too short to really be all that memorable and the slowdown really hampers the overall gameplay experience. I’m also not a fan of the Special Stage entry requirements or execution; again, it’s more like the 16-bit games to not have the Chaos Emeralds hidden in Acts but their maze-like structure is a bit of a pain. I did like the new Rocket Shoes, but they weren’t used as much as the cover art would lead you to believe, and I enjoyed most of the bosses, even though some were ridiculously easy, and others were a little cheap and/or frustrating. In the end, Sonic Chaos is the 8-bit Sonic adventure we should’ve gotten with Sonic 2 and shows the potential the Master System had at offering something much closer to its bigger, better counterpart and is definitely worth your time if you were unimpressed by the previous 8-bit games and wanted to see something more familiar.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Was Sonic Chaos apart of your Master System or Game Gear library back in the day? How do you think it compares to the previous 8-bit games and where would you rank it amongst them? Were you glad to see Tails added as a playable character and to see Sonic’s abilities expanded? What did you think to the Rocket Shoes and the Special Stages? Which of the Zones and bosses was your favourite? Did you ever find the five Chaos Emeralds and see the good ending? How are you celebrating Sonic’s anniversary this month and which games are your favourites? Whatever you think about Sonic Chaos, share your thoughts below and go check out my other Sonic content across the site!
To celebrate the release of the dismal RoboCop(Padilha, 2014) on home media, June 3rdwas declared “RoboCop Day” in the city of Detroit. While that movie wasn’t too impressive and had nothing on the original RoboCop (Verhoeven, 1987), this does give us the perfect excuse to talk, and celebrate, all things RoboCop on a specific day each year.
Released: 5 November 1993 Director: Fred Dekker Distributor: Orion Pictures / Columbia Pictures Budget: $22 million Stars: Robert Burke, John Castle, Remy Ryan, Bruce Locke, CCH Pounder, Jill Hennessy, and Nancy Allen
The Plot: Cyborg law enforcer RoboCop (Burke) is torn between upholding his pre-programmed directives and assisting desperate civilians when Paul McDaggett (Castle) and his violent militia aggressively evict people on behalf of Omni Consumer Products (OCP) to begin construction of Delta City.
The Background: In 1987, director Paul Verhoeven turned Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner’ssatirical take on 1980s commercialisation and media into RoboCop. A modest critical and commercial hit, RoboCop was followed by a sequel in 1990. Unfortunately, not only was Frank Miller’s script judged “unfilmable” (though many aspects were later repurposed into a comic book and this third entry), but Irvin Kershner’s RoboCop 2 was met with mixed reviews and a reduced box office. Miller returned to write the third film and was again frustrated by the lack of influence he had on the production; he concluded that the only way to circumvent this was to become a director. Although RoboCop’s supporting cast returned for the third film (despite some reservations), star Peter Weller declined to appear in favour of joining the cast of Naked Lunch (Cronenberg, 1991). He was replaced by Robert Burke, who struggled with the impressive Robo-Suit since he was taller than his predecessor and the costume wasn’t altered to accommodate this. Although RoboCop 3 was completed by 1992, the film’s release was delayed almost an entire year due to Orion Pictures going bankrupt and to increase its odds at the box office. Consequently, not only was the plot revealed by the tie-in videogame ahead of schedule, RoboCop 3 also failed to reach $50 million at the box office. RoboCop 3 was also subjected to scathing reviews; critics targeted the film’s tone, derivative plot, and mindless narrative, and very few have anything positive to say about this toned-down entry in the series. Ironically, RoboCop continued to be marketed as a family-friendly franchise going forward and it would take over five years for anything even remotely resembling the violent satire of the original to be evoked in a new production.
The Review: It goes without saying that RoboCop has earned its place as a classic sci-fi action flick; it’s perfect blend of social satire, gory violence, and endlessly entertaining action was expertly balanced with some top-notch special effects and a poignant message about humanity and identity. I might be alone in thinking this, but RoboCop 2 remains an under-rated entry in the franchise for me; sure, it regresses RoboCop’s character a bit and retreads some of the same narrative beats, but it’s still got that same tongue-in-cheek sense of humour and some impressive practical effects make it well worth a re-evaluation. Since both films were such a big part of my childhood, I remember being excited for a third entry and things get off to a decent enough start in RoboCop 3. Detroit is worse than ever now that OCP has finally started breaking ground on Delta City, with eviction notices being served to the poorest and most destitute areas of the city like Cadillac Heights, demolition crews flooding the streets with the homeless, and fascist ex-military Urban Rehabilitators (or “Rehabs”) forcing people from the city or simply out-right executing them.
Sporting some new toys, RoboCop protects the innocent despite being surprisingly fragile here.
When we’re first introduced to RoboCop, we’re once again back to square one. While RoboCop still retains some aspects of his former personality and exhibits human compulsions such as loyalty and independence, he’s still bound by his four Prime Directives and subject to the whims of his creators. He’s packing some new toys this time around, most prominently his new arm cannon that lets him blast perps with a machine gun, fire rockets, and blast out a flamethrower, but he later also makes use of a prototype flight pack that also doubles as a recharge point for him. All these bells and whistles are great, but they don’t make up for the fact that Peter Weller has been replaced by the far less capable Robert Burke. Burke does a decent job emulating Weller’s performance but it’s just not the same, especially in his stilted delivery. While RoboCop is tended to by newcomer Doctor Marie Lazarus (Hennessy), his independence riles up the OCP’s newest representative, Jeffrey Fleck (Bradley Whitford), a leering, slimy corporate stooge who’s so frustrated by RoboCop’s humanity that he orders his emotions be circumvented with a special chip. Luckily, Dr. Lazarus recognises that RoboCop’s instincts and Murphy’s lingering personality are essential to the cyborg’s humanity and destroys the chip, allowing RoboCop to continue his duties. This does, however, bring him into further conflict with OCP’s more totalitarian methods; the Rehabs conflict with RoboCop’s Prime Directives but, in the end, his morals and humanity win out and he chooses to defend the helpless and homeless from McDaggett, a choice that leaves him severely damaged and branded a murderous fugitive by OCP’s PR team. RoboCop ends up in a hell of a state; a single blast from McDaggett’s grenade launcher is enough to almost do him in and leaves him in the struggling hands of the city’s destitute, who are led by feisty and outspoken Bertha (Pounder).
Although his partner dies, RoboCop is supported by some new allies, including an affectionate little girl.
Things don’t go so well for Robo’s long-time friend and partner, Anne Lewis (Allen). Both Dr. Lazarus and Lewis care for RoboCop; they’re the closest things he has to friends and can tell that he’s clearly conflicted regarding OCP’s “urban rehabilitation” project, which brings up painful memories of his former wife and child. Although she’s able to hold her own against the “splatter punks” at the start of the film, Lewis makes the rookie mistake of forgetting her body armour when she rushes to help RoboCop track down the resistance. Out of loyalty to her partner and seeing the state of the displaced residents of Cadillac Heights, Lewis joins RoboCop in opposing McDaggett and is summarily gunned down for her troubles, dying in RoboCop’s arms. Though he inexplicably forgets this promise to avenge her, RoboCop immediately storms the Rehab base after being repaired by Dr. Lazarus, unopposed by Sergeant Warren Reed (Robert DoQui) and his fellow officers despite the warrant for his arrest, to confront McDaggett, only to learn that Coontz (Stephen Root), a disgruntled member of Bertha’s resistance, has sold them out to McDaggett. RoboCop arrives too late to help, leaving Bertha and most of her followers dead, and both Dr. Lazarus and young orphan girl Nikko Halloran (Ryan) taken as hostages. Yes, inexplicably RoboCop, the all-action cyborg who made his name blasting would-be rapists in the dick, is saddled with a bright-eyed kid who’s conveniently a genius hacker capable of reprogramming an Enforcement Droid-209 (ED-209) and who helps RoboCop rekindle his paternal instincts. After being separated from her parents, who are subsequently executed, Nikko is taken in by Bertha and the resistance and encourages them to shelter RoboCop after he’s damaged defending them. Although they’re woefully under-equipped, outgunned, and forced to hide out in the sewers, the resistance is surprisingly capable; they boobytrap manholes to keep out unwanted visitors, use gadgets to change traffic lights and cover their escape, and it only takes about four of them to carry RoboCop into their hidden base whereas it took a dozen or so men in the last film. Although Nikko is a tech-savvy Robo fan and Moreno (Daniel von Bargen) repairs RoboCop’s body work, the resistance have no hope of repairing the cyborg so Nikko goes to Dr. Lazarus for help.
Desperate to get Delta City underway, the CEO turns to the ruthless McDaggett and the Kanemitsu Corporation.
Although OCP are making major progress preparing Detroit for aggressive renovation, the malevolent company is deep in the red; close to bankruptcy and being bought out by the Japan-based Kanemitsu Corporation, the new OCP Chief Executive Officer (CEO) (Rip Torn) and returning aide Donald Johnson (Felton Perry) have no choice but to rely on McDaggett and his Rehabs. Thanks to OCP controlling the media, the Rehabs are sold as a gentle, peacekeeping force who have people’s best interest at heart but the truth couldn’t be more different. McDaggett and his mercenaries are cruel and violent and tear through Cadillac Heights like a bull in a China shop. McDaggett is easily the best part of the film, chewing the scenery at every opportunity, calling everybody “chum” with a snarky sneer, ruthlessly waging war against the destitute civilians, and exhibiting an open prejudice against RoboCop and the idea of him being assigned to the Rehabs. When Nikko broadcasts the truth about McDaggett to the world, OCP’s stock plunges and, unwilling to shoulder the blame or listen to the CEO’s blustering threats, McDaggett plots to recruit the city’s police force in stamping out the resistance once and for all. However, when Reed and the other cops give up their badges and pensions rather than compromise their moral integrity, McDaggett is just as happy to arm the splatter punks, leading to an all-out war on the streets pitting the cops and the resistance against McDaggett’s forces. Unable to make good on their debts and promises, OCP lose all favour with the Kanemitsu Corporation, who send their unnervingly human “Otomo” androids (Locke) to make up for the CEO’s blunders. As you might expect from Japanese-manufactured product, the Otomos are far more versatile and capable than RoboCop, who looks like a tinker toy in comparison. Although silent and stoic, the Otomos are not only more outwardly human (one even smokes!) but they’re more agile, adaptable, and mobile, meaning they’re easily able to best RoboCop in combat and re-endanger his life with just a few blows and only losing out to him due to Robo packing superior firepower.
The Nitty-Gritty: RoboCop 3 once again retreads the same ground as the last two movies when it comes to RoboCop’s story arc. Still lacking the fully human personality he fought so hard to regain at the end of the first film, RoboCop is again portrayed as struggling to discover and showcase his humanity due to his stringent programming and directives. Although it’s been very well established that he’s just as human as he is a machine, and everyone in the precinct openly and affectionately refers to him as “Murphy”, RoboCop’s emotions are again questioned by OCP, who seek to suppress them to make him a cold, calculating machine. More than ever before, RoboCop openly defies his creators despite the conflict this causes his system; perhaps it’s his defiance of Directive Four (“Never oppose an OCP officer”) which explains why RoboCop is so damn weak in this film. It seems he’s constantly on the brink of death and is easily disabled by shots he would previously shrug off, though this frustrating element does add to his vulnerability as a character. This is further emphasised in his empathy for the resistance, particularly Nikko, who forms a fast bond with RoboCop out of sheer awe (she is a proper techno-geek, after all) and he awkwardly rediscovers his former paternal instincts through his relationship with her. Again, it ties into an exploration of RoboCop’s vulnerable humanity (and is certainly less questionable that the weird sequence where Dr Lazarus purges RoboCop’s Prime Directives…again…and it seems to imply he has romantic feelings for the women in his life) but it just doesn’t fit the tone of the franchise. Maybe the filmmakers wanted to appeal to the little kids who had inexplicably latched onto the character, maybe they wanted to emulate Terminator 2: Judgment Day (Cameron, 1991) but, whatever their reasons, all they ended up doing was subjecting audiences to an annoying little brat who’s too smart for her own good.
Despite some ambitious ideas, RoboCop 3 fails to impress with its toothless violence and weak effects.
And it’s a shame as RoboCop 3 has a few redeemable elements to it. Basil Poledouris returns with his rousing score and the suit looks better than ever, especially RoboCop’s fancy new arm attachment that he sadly doesn’t use often enough (probably because it’s ridiculously overpowered and that doesn’t fit the theme of the movie for fragile old RoboCop). The city is even more dangerous and depressing as ever; described as a “warzone”, riots and violence run rampant from all sides, leading to the police department and oppressed citizens joining forces to fight back against the tyrannical OCP. While the film definitely veers more towards family friendly content, RoboCop 3 continues to be violent and full of social satire; in this case, it’s a commentary on how big corporations can control the media to twist the narrative in their favour and the juxtaposition of the Rehabs’ squeaky-clean public face with the brutal reality of their actions. This is best evidenced not just in the returning Media Break sections but also in the amusing animated advertisement for “Johnny Rehab” apparel that seems to be a commentary on R-rated movies like RoboCop being sold to children as toys. Although ED-209 makes a reappearance here, it’s little more than a cameo that further demeans the unreliable ‘droid and we’re denied a rematch between it and RoboCop. Thanks to spending most of the movie close to death, RoboCop can’t simply gun down his enemies like usual, meaning anticipation is high for his battle against Otomo. Unfortunately, as great and under-rated as Bruce Locke is, this fight is hampered by the slow, sluggish RoboCop, who lacks the reflexes and range of movement necessary to match his faster, more competent rival. Luckily for RoboCop, the Otomos prove as weak as he is in this movie and are easily dispatched, but these fights are definitely a far cry from the cyborg-on-cyborg action from the aforementioned Terminator 2. RoboCop 3 tries to make up for it with RoboCop’s new jet-pack attachment, which allows him to swoop in and save the day in the final act, but sadly this only appears very briefly and the composite effect used to bring it to the screen is pretty poor, which is a shame considering how cool the idea of a flying RoboCop is and how good the fire stunt on RoboCop was in the opening scenes.
After aiding his allies, RoboCop rescues his friends and OCP is finally brought to its knees.
After being slandered in the media, RoboCop is branded a fugitive, allowing McDaggett to fulfil his ambition of destroying the cyborg officer, which both he and the CEO believes will dishearten the resistance and allow them to sweep through Cadillac Heights and salvage their reputation. When Johnson suggests recruiting the city’s cops to join the effort, Reed and the others walk out and add their numbers to the resistance, co-ordinating the rag-tag rebels in standing against the Rehabs and the crazed splatter punks. Although RoboCop loses his chance at nailing McDaggett following a comical car chase in a pimped out lowrider, McDaggatt gets the last laugh by massacring the resistance base and even betrays the CEO after colluding with Kanemitsu (Mako) to level Cadillac Heights to make room for their own designs for the city. After barely besting Otomo and levelling the playing field for the cops and resistance, RoboCop storms into the OCP tower to confront McDaggett. Though two Otomos attack him, Nikko is able to reprogram the two androids into targeting each other using her magic laptop. Despite him having gone “war wacky” and craving all-out conflict, McDaggett is incensed by this as the Otomos are rigged to self-destruct, spelling doom for everyone in the tower. Luckily, RoboCop latches onto his jet-pack and flies Dr. Lazarus and Nikko to safety, leaving McDaggett and everyone in the building to perish in the blast. In the aftermath, a humbled Kanemitsu bows to RoboCop out of respect and summarily fires the CEO for his incompetence since OCP’s stock is in the toilet and RoboCop resolves to return to duty policing the streets, now once again free from his restrictive Prime Directives and able to think for himself.
The Summary: How the mighty have fallen! RoboCop 3 is such a massive disappointment because it comes so close to being a halfway decent entry in the franchise but fumbles its execution in almost every way possible. The score is back, the suit still looks amazing, and I really enjoy RoboCop’s new toys and gadgets, but the man in the suit is an uninspiring void who tries far too hard to emulate Peter Weller’s incomparable performance rather than putting his own stamp on the iconic cyborg. I enjoy the central premise of the film, which sees a desperate OCP using all their resources (and brutal violence) to speed up their development plans for Detroit, but any intrigue this plot may have is quashed by some strange attempts at humour. RoboCop 3 feels like a pale imitation of the previous films; it tries to be comparably violent but it’s a toothless execution, and any attempts at satire and social commentary land flat as it feels like everyone’s just phoning it in. It’s a shame as Lewis’s death is actually quite emotional, but the new cast just isn’t as inspiring or memorable; Nikko, especially, stands out as a particularly grating inclusion, one that showed just how far the franchise had fallen into impotency since the uncompromising first film. There is some decent action and special effects sequences, but they’re juxtaposed with RoboCop’s clunky ineffectiveness in a straight-up fight and some awful composite effects that really have me longing for the stop-motion techniques of the last two films. One saving grace is John Castle, who really hams it up as the despicable McDaggett, but even his performance can’t excuse Rip Torn’s bombastic turn as the CEO, which lacks any of the subtlety we saw from previous OCP executives. Ultimately, RoboCop 3 is a film geared more towards kids and young teenagers, those who aren’t quite old enough to watch the first two films but want to dip their toe in the franchise. Even so, I’d recommend simply waiting until they’re old enough to watch the first movie, or bite the bullet and show them that film ahead of time, and just skip this one completely as there’s very little on offer here beyond RoboCop’s new toys.
My Rating:
⭐
Rating: 1 out of 5.
Terrible
Did you enjoy RoboCop3? Were you disappointed by the more toothless approach the film took? What did you think to RoboCop opposing his creators to defend the city’s oppressed citizens? Were you also annoyed to see him partner with a child? What did you think to the Otomos and RoboCop’s new toys? Which RoboCop movie is your favourite? How are you celebrating RoboCop Day today? Whatever you think about RoboCop 3, feel free to drop your thoughts below or leave a comment on my social media and be sure to check out my other RoboCop content!
Sixty-five million years ago, dinosaurs ruled the Earth. These massive beasts existed for about 180 million years and came in all shapes and sizes, before finally going extinct following a cataclysmic event that forever changed our world and rendered these creatures mere fossils to be discovered and studied. Fittingly, “Dinosaur Day” is actually celebrated twice a year, giving dino fans the world over ample opportunities to pay homage to this near-mythical titans.
Released: 18 July 2001 Director: Joe Johnston Distributor: Universal Pictures Budget: $93 million Stars: Sam Neill, William H. Macy, Téa Leoni, Trevor Morgan, Alessandro Nivola, and Laura Dern
The Plot: When Paul (Macy) and Amanda Kirby’s (Leoni) son, Eric (Morgan), is stranded on Isla Sorna, the estranged couple enlist Doctor Alan Grant (Neill) to help them brave the genetically resurrected dinosaurs that reside there and rescue him.
The Review: I think a lot of us take for granted just how big Jurassic Park was when it first released; undeniably, the film redefined what a modern blockbuster could be and brought cutting-edge CGI effects and animatronics to the forefront of cinema, to say nothing of the wave of “Dinomania” it unleashed. Although I have no love for the book or its literary follow-up, I, like pretty much my entire generation, was captivated by Jurassic Park and much of this enthusiasm meant that I was overly generous towards the sequel movie for the longest time. It made sense: I liked Jurassic Park, I liked Jeff Goldblum, so of course I had to like The Lost World. Unfortunately, time has not been kind to The Lost World, which fumbled in areas where the first film succeeded, but I definitely think that it pretty much tapped out the appeal and reach of the concept, especially once it showed dinosaurs in the outside world. All this is to say that I’ve always been disappointed by Jurassic Park III; sure, it features some new dinosaurs and even recycles sequences from the book into its content, but there’s a reason why it’s the shortest and most universally disliked of the franchise. In a word, the film is just unnecessary, and offers very little to entice fans of the original back, to the point where you may as well just watch Jurassic Park three times and you’d probably get more enjoyment than suffering through the surprisingly disappointing follow-ups.
Grant is horrified to find he’s been duped intofighting off his beloved dinosaurs once again.
The first indication that we’re simply retreading old ground is that the film immediately returns to Isla Sorna and the majority of it takes place in this setting. It makes sense; the unfamiliarity of an isolated island adds to the wonder and danger of the franchise, but we’d seen everything this setting could offer in the last two movies and Jurassic Park III really could’ve done with trying something different, especially after The Lost World established that dinosaurs were basically free to roam as they desired, within their capabilities. One way Jurassic Park III attempts to stand out is by addressing the scientific inaccuracies in the dinosaurs; even though the first film did cover this quite conclusively, Grant makes a point to clearly spell out that the island’s genetically-engineered dinosaurs were “theme park monsters” and that the real science is found in fossils, a sentiment that remains true today. However, the dinosaurs were real enough to haunt not only Grant’s scientific career but also his nightmares. While he remains awestruck at having seen close approximations to dinosaurs up close and personal, he has no desire to ever return to the island, much less encounter them again. But, as ever, he can’t turn down the chance to inject some serious cash into his Velociraptor research when Paul Kirby comes asking for his expertise in taking him and his wife on a tour of the island. Of course, this is all a ruse; the couple have no money to offer him and have simply tricked him into helping them navigate the island’s dangers to rescue their son, but Grant’s experience is immediately hampered by the fact that he’s never actually been to Isla Sorna before, to say nothing of the Kirbys’ foolishness when it comes to heeding Grant’s advice and warnings about the local wildlife.
Unlike their son, the Kirbys are woefully incompetent and in way over their heads.
Despite Paul being little more than a painter and decorator, he and his estranged wife somehow pull together the funds not just to fly to Isla Sorna, but to hire some unscrupulous characters to transport them and stave off the ravenous dinosaurs with some serious firepower. However, these would-be mercenaries prove as ill-equipped as the Kirbys, who are immediately in over their heads and realise that they’ve vastly underestimated the dangers of the island. It doesn’t help that Amanda is painfully idiotic; not only does she yell into a megaphone as soon as they land but she, more than any of the other characters, constantly ignores or disregards Grant’s expertise, putting herself and the others in danger when the carnivores come sniffing around for their next meal. Grant is incensed to learn the truth and even more perturbed when the survivors are stranded after the Spinosaurus destroys their plane and devours their satellite phone, but even then his main concern is reaching the safety of the coast rather than actively searching for the couple’s lost son, Eric (indeed, it’s heavily implied that Grant thinks the boy is dead). Following a Velociraptor attack, Grant is separated from the couple but runs across Eric, who has done a decent job of surviving by himself thanks to his adaptability, knowledge of dinosaurs from Grant’s research, and resources afforded by InGen’s abandoned facilities. Grant, now far more comfortable with children thanks to his experiences in the first film and his close relationship with former flame Doctor Ellie Sattler’s (Dern) infant son Charlie (Blake Bryan), is very impressed by Eric’s survival instincts over the last eight weeks. Eric uses tear gas and even Tyrannosaurs rex urine to keep the dinosaurs at bay but he’s more upset at the prospect of his estranged parents trying to work together than he is by the locals. However, their shared trauma and determination to find Eric brings the two closer together but their joy at being reunited is cut short when they’re separated by a massive fence, with the Spinosaurus hot on their heels, and driven into the dilapidated aviary. Once he’s back with his parents, Eric reverts back to being a scared kid and fades into the background; he consoles Grant over the apparent loss of his assistant, Billy Brennan (Nivola), but basically just becomes another screaming would-be meal for the Spinosaurus.
Trumping any other dinosaur, the Spinosaurus obliterates every threat and constantly dogs the humans.
As ever, the humans are under constant threat from the genetically-recreated dinosaurs; while there’s a sense of wonderment about herbivores like the Corythosaurus and Parasaurolophus, the Velociraptors remain a persistent danger to the group. Grant continues to be enamoured with the pack hunters, which now sport rudimentary feathers and an intelligence beyond even his expectations as they call to each other, signal for help, and even use live, injured humans as bait to lure in other victims. This time around, the Velociraptor threat is only escalated thanks to Billy secretly stealing their eggs to sell on the black market to help fund Grant’s research, which causes the creatures to furiously hunt them throughout. For the first time, winged dinosaurs play a key role in the events of the franchise; in one of Jurassic Park III’s better sequences, one ripped right out of the first book, the group stumble into the twisted, rusted remains of a Pteranodon aviary and the giant, bat-like creatures briefly carry Eric off to their young before Billy successfully rescues him in what appears to be redemptive act of self-sacrifice but which the would-be black marketeer inexplicably survives. The franchise’s most recognisable dinosaur and brand mascot, the Tyrannosaurs rex, also reappears but, sadly, it’s little more than a cameo; the T. rex is primarily here to show off the bigger, badder Spinosaurus, which not only makes an immediate impression by splattering Cooper (John Diehl) all over the Kirbys’ plane but easily bests the T. rex and snaps its neck in a startling show of power. Unfortunately, this means that we’re denied a proper battle between the two or a suitable opponent to slay or challenge the Spinosaurus in the finale, though the Spinosaurus’ threat lingers over the entirety of the film and recalls the constant sense of dread the characters faced from the T. rex in the first. Far larger, with a crocodile-like jaw and massive talon-like claws, the Spinosaurus is Isla Sorna’s undisputed apex predator, unhindered by any weaknesses and capable of fending off any obstacle, swimming through water, and even…somehow…sneaking up on its prey despite not only its massive size but the constant ringing of the satellite phone in its stomach!
The Nitty-Gritty: Jurassic Park III tries so hard to emulate the epic wonder of the first film but there’s just not enough material left to support it. John Williams’ sweeping, iconic theme still permeates the picture despite him being replaced by composer Don Davis, and the awesome sight of seeing dinosaurs brought to life onscreen remains, but it’s undeniable that it’s just not as impressive as it was the first time around. These issues are only compounded by some absolutely detestable characters; Paul and Amanda Kirby are clueless, deceitful morons who are difficult to root for, especially in the case of the foolhardy Amanda, whose desperate need to rescue her son costs the lives of three other people and endangers them all on numerous occasions. Téa Leoni is easily the worst part of this film; she’s so wooden and rigid and just mumbles her way through the narrative, dragging every scene down and making Amanda a thoroughly unlikeable and moronic character. Paul is a spineless fool who’s in way over his head and I can absolutely understand Grant’s exasperation at being surrounded by such ridiculous characters, and his admiration for Eric at somehow breaking the chain and being a smart and capable young boy. Billy’s side plot where he plans to sell the Velociraptor eggs is an interesting wrinkle, but it really doesn’t go anywhere and is basically a scaled down version of the plot seen in The Lost World, plus it’s difficult to really care about Billy’s betrayal of his mentor or his apparent death because about he only thing Billy has going for him before his greed is revealed is that he has a “lucky backpack”.
Somehow, the effects have worsened and, with some exceptions, everything seems rushed and lazy.
As ever, the main selling point is the dinosaurs. While, for the most part, they still look as amazing as ever, it’s clear that the quality of the animatronics and CGI have taken a hit despite Jurassic Park II having the highest budget of the original trilogy. The animatronic dinosaurs, especially, look far less realistic than before; it’s almost as if the filmmakers got lazy or rushed the process, coasting on the influential effects of the first film and putting in less effort, with the brief appearance by the Ceratosaurus being a particularly poor effect, but a lot of the CGI is surprisingly awful. I can’t help but be disappointed at how unconvincing the ’raptor puppets are this time around; it might not have been so bad if the film didn’t choose to explore the depths of Grant’s trauma by having him experience a nightmare involving a talking ’raptor(though, admittedly, I do find this scene hilarious!) A ’raptor does make an impression when the characters are exploring the ruins of an InGen facility, chasing them through the dark corridors, scaling cage walls to reach its prey and even signalling for help, much to Grant’s horror and amazement, though this does result in a pretty lacklustre chase through a herd of herbivores that is, again, a pale imitation of the first film. Although the Spinosaurus often also looks cartoonish and its battle with the T. rex is disappointingly brief, it is truly horrifying. Clearly chosen for its fearsome appearance and for looming over even the T. rex with an ominous poise, the Spinosaurus is a nightmarish creature that really pushes Jurassic Park III into monster movie territory as it glares at its prey and stalks them with vicious purpose. Indeed, Jurassic Park III’s better moments are when it leans into horror; the Pteranodon attack is especially evocative of this, with the massive prehistoric bird/lizards looming and flapping through the mist like something out of a slasher movie, to say nothing of the terrifying way the Spinosaurus cuts through the water in the dead of night during a torrential downpour. Although the Jurassic Park films have often strived to be more than monster movies, these more terrifying and intense sequences are a definite highlight and demonstrate that there was still some gas left in the tank for the franchise, it was just sadly hampered by an overall poor execution.
After inexplicably scaring off Spiney and placating the ‘raptors, the survivors are saved by the Navy!
After narrowly escaping the Pteranodons, the survivors finally manage to retrieve Paul’s annoying satellite phone from a pile of Spinosaurus excrement (again evoking imagery from the first film) and Grant makes a frantic call for help to Ellie. The Spinosaurus attacks, however, while the group is sailing on a barge; since we were denied a proper T. rex vs Spinosaurus showdown, though, the franchise’s newest, most dangerous predator yet is simply scared off after Grant ignites some oil with a flare gun, making for a painfully unsatisfying final showdown with the vicious carnivore. Instead, as ever, Jurassic Park III falls back on the Velociraptors for one last scare; having tracked the humans and the eggs Billy stole, the Velociraptors corner them on the beach and appear ready to strike; however, Grant manages to confuse the pack by randomly blowing into a replica ’raptorlarynx. Just then, the film simply comes to an end when Ellie was somehow not only able to understand that Grant was on the island but was also able to get the US Navy to storm the beach for a rescue, scaring off the ’raptors, who reclaim their eggs and run into the jungle. Just like in the first movie, Grant and the other survivors (even, inexplicably, Billy) are airlifted to safety and left to contemplate the beauty, awe, and danger of the long-extinct dinosaurs, but again this is simply the same ending as in Jurassic Park but with an additional bit of family drama slapped on top of it! The tension and horror of the island rekindles the relationship between the Kirbys, who are overjoyed to be reunited with their son, who is equally pleased to see his parents finally getting along, and all it took was a few lives and the threat of mortal danger to bring them back together. Although he isn’t going to get the funding he was promised, it seems as though Grant is content to have faced his fears, though I would argue that his experiences on Isla Sorna only galvanised his dislike for InGen’s genetically-engineered monstrosities.
The Summary: It’s really hard to rate Jurassic Park II very high as the entire film just feels like an unnecessary cash-grab, one final desperate attempt to wring the life out of a franchise that, at the time, really only had enough gas for two movies (and even then, the second one was a questionable effort). Certainly, there’s enough material in Michael Crichton’s books and the prehistoric to be reconfigured into another movie, but Jurassic Park III plays things way too safe. It’s just a shorter, less fanciful, and far less thrilling retread of the first film: Grant is a grouchy traditionalist forced to adapt to a dangerous situation, he’s forced to bond and work alongside a kid, there are ill-prepared morons running around just looking to get eaten, and there’s a monstrous prehistoric predator stomping around looking to snap everybody up. Even the sub-plot about stealing the ’raptor eggs is half-baked and familiar, and the effects somehow look worse than in the original Jurassic Park despite the higher budget and what I would assume would be the refinement of those original techniques. Sam Neill puts in a great performance but even he can’t save this grating cast; Téa Leoni is always dreadful, and William H. Macy just lacks the charisma to be all that compelling. I did enjoy the sadly underutilised Pteranodons and the monstrous Spinosaurus, but the filmmakers really dropped the ball by not having a longer, more brutal fight scene between ol’ Spiney and the T. rex. Thankfully, the revived entries would correct this, and many of Jurassic Park III’s mistakes, but that doesn’t help wash the sour taste of this ill-conceived, rushed, and lazy entry out of the mouth. Just watch the first one again and then jump to the fourth, it’s the best way.
My Rating:
⭐
Rating: 1 out of 5.
Terrible
Are you a fan of Jurassic ParkIII? Do you think I’ve judged the film too harshly and that there are actually some positives to be found here? Were you happy to see Dr. Alan Grant return and what did you think to the Kirbys? What did you think to the Spinosaurus and would you have liked to see a more competitive fight between it and the T. rex? Do you agree that the film was too lazy and that the concept was tapped out by this point? Which of Jurassic Park’s sequels is your favourite or do you consider the first one to be the best? How are you celebrating Dinosaur Day this year? Whatever your thoughts on Jurassic ParkIII, and dinosaurs in general, leave them below or drop a comment on my social media.
The first issue of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) was published in May of 1984. Since then, the TMNT have gone on to achieve worldwide mainstream success thanks not only to their original comics run but also a number of influential cartoons, videogames, and wave-upon-wave of action figures. Even now, the TMNT continue to be an influential and popular commodity, proving that some fads don’t die out…they just get stronger!
Released: 24 May 2016 Developer: PlatinumGames Also Available For: PC, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, Xbox Series S/X
The Background: Kids were mental for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles back in the late-eighties and early-nineties. Though the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon (1987 to 1996) was a drastically toned down version of the original Mirage Comics, it was a veritable merchandise machine that saw the Heroes in a Half-Shell expand out to live-action movies of varying quality, further comic books, a fantastic line of action figures, and a whole host of videogames. At the time, Konami’s arcade efforts set the standard for TMNT videogames and, with few exceptions, most subsequent videogame adaptations would be brawlers of some variety. By 2016, the TMNT weren’t the dominating juggernaut that had been back in the day, but they were still very popular. A new, slightly darker cartoon ran between 2003 and 2009 before giving way to a much lighter, all-CG animated series from 2012 to 2017, and the franchise saw a resurgence in IDW’s popular comic book series. These comics became the primary inspiration behind PlatinumGames’ newest Ninja Turtles videogame. However, the developers also wanted to pay homage to the ever-changing nature of the franchise despite featuring an original story and sought to create an action-orientated, co-operative experience built on flashy moves and signature abilities. The result, however, was a mediocre brawler that failed to impress critics; reviews almost unanimously agreed that Mutants in Manhattan was a let-down that would prove to be a disappointment to even die-hard franchise fans, with very few redeeming qualities being highlighted in reviews.
The Plot: When Oroku Saki/The Shredder and Krang once again join forces and swarm the streets with their mutant lieutenants and Foot Clan soldiers, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles leap into action. Aided by their ally, April O’Neil, they respond to various crimes and disturbances before confronting the Shredder in an epic showdown.
Gameplay: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan is a mission-based, quasi-open-world hack-and-slash brawler in which one to four players take control of the iconic TMNT and battle against some of their most memorable foes across nine different stages. The game offers four control schemes, though the default settings were perfectly fine for me: X and Y perform light and heavy attacks, respectively, using the TMNT’s signature weapons. You can string button inputs to pull off various combos, but as ever you’ll have to consider the range of your chosen character when fighting as Raphael favours close-quarters combat compared to, say, Donatello, who has a longer reach. A sees you jumping and pressing A in mid-air pulls off a double jump and holding it lets you glide on a shell-themed parachute, and B is used for actions, such as picking up or riding objects or mounting turrets. The Left Bumper puts you into an over the shoulder aim mode so you can toss unlimited shuriken with the Right Bumper and the Right Trigger is used for dodging and blocking; pressing RT at the right time will execute a back attack and counters, but mindlessly mashing it can leave you dizzy and vulnerable.
Utilise the TMNT’s diverse combat, gadgets, and abilities to stop incursions and safeguard the city.
You can switch to any character at any time by holding the Left Trigger and pressing a direction on the directional pad; when playing alone, you can use the ‘Back’ button to issue various commands to your AI-controlled partners, such as asking them to wait or to protect you, or communicate with other players using limited options. If you choose the “Go All Out” option, the AI will respond accordingly; while I spotted some instances where the AI got a little stuck, most of the time it was super aggressive, tackling enemies without hesitation and always running over to revive me when my health was drained. Sometimes, you’ll need to press B or mash A as a team to open large manholes or shutters to progress, and you’ll also make copious use of the TMNT’s ability to clamber up walls and grind on rails and wires to speedily reach your objectives. You can review these and get a layout of the environment at any time by pressing in the right stick to activate the Turtle Glass (T-Glass); this enables a digital overlay of the screen to pinpoint enemies and interactive objects, not unlike the Detective Vision from the Batman: Arkham games (Rocksteady Studios/Various, 2009 to 2016). The comparisons continue as, while in this mode, you can sneak up behind unsuspecting enemies and take them down with X or Y for a quick victory, and you’ll be in constant communication with April and the other TMNT to identify objectives, secrets, and incoming waves of enemies.
Each Turtle has a variety of special attacks and can be revived by scarfing down pizza.
As is often the case with a TMNT game, combat is at the heart of Mutants in Manhattan; while combos are simple and satisfying to pull off, each Turtle has their own “Ninjutsu” powers, activated by holding the Left Trigger and pressing one of the face buttons. You can customise, acquire, and upgrade each of these attacks using the Battle Points (BP) and loot you acquire from combat and gameplay and there are a range on offer, from tossing a larger shuriken to creating a healing circle, to teaming up with another Turtle for a shell shock attack or unleashing a powerful flurry. Each carries a different cooldown time that automatically refills to avoid you spamming them, but you can conceivably execute them and then quickly switch to another Turtle to keep the chain going. You can also pick up and throw or set off explosive barrels to take out large groups of enemies, lock on to an enemy with the right stick to focus your attacks, and take control of gun turrets to bring down helicopters and other airborne threats. Between stages, you can customise each Turtle’s moves but you can also return to the lair using one of the many manholes scattered around each location. This is also where you purchase health, power-ups, and items if you’re running low but these are so commonplace in normal play that I never had much need to stock up. Each Turtle also has their own life bar and can be revived with a press of B when required. If you fail to be revived, you’ll be dumped into the TMNT’s sewer lair and be forced to mash A to eat pizza and refill your health. Be warned, though, as the pizza can get very hot and if all four TMNT are defeated at the same time, the mission will end, and you’ll need to use a continue to jump in from your last checkpoint.
Various random and predetermined missions advance the plot and earn you rewards.
Each stage sees you embarking on various missions; depending on the stage, some of these might be randomised, but generally you’ll be fending off waves of different enemies in different situations. April may direct you to an enemy hideout, for example, or waves of enemies and reinforcements may appear on the map that need to be taken out in order to progress the story. Other times, you’ll need to protect something, like a pizza stand or a power generator, from enemy attacks, or you’ll need to disarm bombs or download data from terminals while fending off waves of enemies. When in the city, enemies may hijack cars that need to be stopped or rob banks; in these instances, you’ll need to roll bags of cash to a set point on the map or carry large gold bars to the same goal to complete the mission. Later, Krang’s Krangdroids launch an all-out assault on New York City and you’ll need to take them out, something made all the easier when you commandeer one of them for yourself! You’ll be travelling to different subway stations, taking out spherical lasers, riding the waves down in the sewers, avoiding sticky slime and lightning strikes, carrying Krang’s bombs to safe zones using beams of electrical energy, avoiding enemy scouts and helicopters (or taking them out entirely), bouncing from nets across the rooftops of the skyscraper distract, and surviving an assortment of enemies in enclosed arenas, all within a time limit that determines the rewards you receive. It can get a little annoying as the game is constantly interrupted by April banging on about the latest emergency, but it’s just varied and random enough to keep things from growing stale, the time limits are pretty generous, and the combat is fluid and deep enough to keep things enjoyable.
Graphics and Sound: Mutants in Manhattan opts for a cel-shaded style that mimics both the IDW comics and the original Mirage Comics at times. The TMNT look really good; I enjoyed their characterisations, banter, and animations, though I was a bit put off by the bizarre decision to give them noses. While they don’t have very interesting idle animations, their weapons come out as they run along and you can command them to strike a pose or start dancing, which is fun. Everything runs really smoothly and I had no instances of slowdown or major glitches; the controls are responsive and attacks hit with a meaty impact that is very satisfying. Even better, the game uses the in-game models, with some upscaling, for its cutscenes, which are fully animated and voiced, though the game opts for a sound-a-like rap/rock soundtrack rather than recreating the classic TMNT theme. The plot might not be the most original TMNT story in the world and there was some obvious assumptions on the player’s familiarity with TMNT lore, especially from the IDW comics, but I enjoyed it and like the characterisation of the TMNT. It also helped that April and Splinter appear in the cutscenes and throughout to offer advice and upgrade your gear, and that the bosses you encounter are large, detailed, and varied even if the regular goons aren’t much to shout about.
The cel-shaded stylereally works for the game and its appealing characterisations of the TMNT.
Equally, the game’s environments aren’t anything you haven’t seen in basically every other TMNT videogame; you’ll battle on the city streets and rooftops, traverse the somewhat maze-like sewers, and end up in the Shredder’s futuristic, neon-filled lair, but the presentation benefits from the cel-shaded visuals. Stages also mix things up by using different times of day, switching to different areas (you’ll be downtown in one mission and then up high on skyscrapers later on), and even depicting the city under attack and on fire from Krang’s assault! The sewers were surprisingly engaging; you’ll have to open shutters, dive down manholes, and avoid toxic gunk that turns you into a mindless zombie on contact. When battling Slash, the arena is in near total darkness, giving it a horror edge, though you can activate a light switch to see things better. You’ll also descend into the subway, where you’ll take out various colourful gangs and have to avoid speeding trains that can hit with devastating force. While opposing Karai and Wingnut, you’ll need to bounce and glide between skyscrapers, avoid lightning strikes, and ride wind currents to traverse the skyline, and even briefly battle enemies on top of a speeding subway train! For the most part, stages are just big enough where it’s fun to explore to find optional missions or collectibles but not so big as to be intimidating or outstay their welcome.
Enemies and Bosses: Mutants in Manhattan doesn’t exactly deviate from the usual TMNT formula when it comes to its enemies. You’ll be pummelling the Foot Clan, punk-like Purple Dragons, robotic Mousers, and formidable Rock Soldiers throughout each level, with the enemies being so interchangeable that they’re rarely referred to be name and simply called “the enemy” whenever they spawn in. The Foot can appear in a puff of smoke and sometimes wield bags of explosives (which you can use to your advantage) or briefly tie you up using thrown bola-like chains; “elite” versions of the Foot are also present and are more proficient in swordplay, requiring better use of your blocking and dodging. Enemy helicopters and scouts often pop into the area and will increase the aggression of the enemies if you’re spotted; you’ll also have to watch out for Utroms in little UFOs that fire beams at you that mess up your controls or encase you in a bouncy bubble, amongst other negative effects (though these can also affect enemies, too). Mousers aren’t really a bother, though they will explode in your face if you don’t dispatch them first, meaning the game’s most formidable enemies are the Rock Soldiers. These guys absorb attacks like a sponge and their larger, hammer-wielding elites can be a serious headache thanks to constantly causing shockwaves with their attacks, and you’ll also battle nine iconic TMNT antagonists. As is often the case, the first two bosses you’ll come up against are Bebop and Rocksteady; in fact, Bebop has a random chance or appearing during Rocksteady’s boss battle and the two exhibit attacks and capabilities not unlike their arcade counterparts. Bebop, for example, is fought in a claustrophobic bank vault; he’ll hop about a bit, swipe at you with his chainsaw, and blast at you with a futuristic laser pistol.
After enduring four monstrous mutants, your skills will be tested by the agile Karai.
Rocksteady is fought in the subway so you’ll need to be just as mindful of any speeding trains as you are his sledgehammer attacks, grenade launcher, and the grenades both mutant monsters rain into the arena. Neither are much of a bother if you stay locked onto them, though, and make use of your Ninjutsu attacks and the dodge mechanics. Even when they team up, they’re not too tough and you can even make use of the trains to deal additional damage. The third boss is a bit more formidable; you’ll fight the rampaging Slash in a dark area of the sewers, avoiding his manic claw swipes, rolling attack, and charges. He’s definitely a bit more aggressive than the previous bosses and it can be difficult to see him if you don’t flick on the lights; he can also be joined by another boss, Armaggon, to increase the challenge on offer. After defusing her bombs and taking out her goons, you’ll battle Karai in the girders of a skyscraper. Unlike the other bosses fought in the game, Karai is swift and agile, easily leaping out of harm’s way, attacking with a sword dash, and sending you flying with a tornado spin. She’s also the only boss who sends her minions after you during the battle, meaning you have to employ a little more skill than with the other bosses. After that, you’ll face Armaggon in the submerged sewers; Armaggon pops out of the toxic goo surrounding a circular platform and attacks with frantic chomps of his ravenous jaws, an impressive cartwheel tail swipe, and even spits purple goo at you to leave you disorientated.
The endgame bosses prove a greater challenge and there are even secret, even tougher versions to face!
One of the most diverse bosses is Wingnut; this mutated bat initially attacks in a large UFO, from which he fires missiles and lasers, though you can make use of the handy-dandy nearby turrets to bring him down. Although he’s relieved of his fancy toy in the second phase, he’s by no means less dangerous; in fact, Wingnut was the toughest boss I’d faced up to that point and actually caused me to use a continue to best him. He hovers above you swiping with his talons and sending out a spread of lasers and a larger, far more devastating laser blast from the orbs that circle him. Wingnut covers a large portion of the arena with a big spin attack; though this leaves him dizzy, it can deal big damage to you and your allies, making him a surprisingly formidable opponent considering how comical he is. When you infiltrate the Techno Cosmic Research Institute (T.C.R.I.), you’ll have the joys of battling all of these bosses once again with hallways filled with power-ups, enemies, and security cameras placed between each bout, though nothing has changed from any of the fights except the environment and that Wingnut no longer attacks in his UFO. Once you beat them all again, you’ll reach the control room and battle Krang in his oddly-designed android body. Although Krang sports an intimidating arsenal, from homing missiles to explosive bolts and a massive laser attack, he’s very slow and can get temporarily stuck in the floor when he executes his melee attacks. The next stage sees you battling Mega Krang, however, and he’s absolutely nothing to sniff at. Here, you’re best off making use of the Krangdroids to fire lasers, missiles, and charged punches because this gigantic version of Krang can temporarily destroy the buildings you’re standing on, send huge orbs of energy at you, and fire missiles and lasers from his hands. He’s a massive target, though, and his attacks are easy to avoid and telegraph; he also briefly collapses after you deal enough damage, allowing you to pummel his big holographic, brain-like head, but he’s definitely the toughest boss in the game. After you defeat him, you’ll finally confront the Shredder on a rotating helipad platform high above the city. Like Karai, the Shredder is more agile and swift in his attacks; he slashes at you, delivers martial arts kicks, tosses out barbed traps, and even sends pieces of rock flying at you. He sports a charging dash, a tornado spin, and the longest health bar of any boss in the game, and there’s also an even tougher secret version of the Shredder you can battle as well!
Power-Ups and Bonuses: Every stage features a number of green and red orbs floating about the place; while you can just touch the green orbs to collect them, the red ones will need to be broken with your shuriken and each will offer a different item for you to use in battle. These range from a slice to a full pizza to restore your health, drinks to temporarily buff your speed, power, or defence, and more offensive weaponry such as fireworks, bombs, turrets, and freezing blocks. You can purchase more of these from the TMNT’s lair using the manhole covers and you’ll also gain them from defeating enemies, and they can be really useful against large groups of enemies and in boss battles. You’ll also earn BP that you can use to acquire new Ninjutsu abilities and upgrade them, alongside loot, when modifying your characters. You can also equip up to three Charms (depending on what difficulty you’re playing on) to each Turtle; these can also be upgraded (or dismantled for new loot) to be more effective and provide buffs such as inflicting poison on enemies, reducing cooldown times, earning you a discount on items, and increasing the drop rate of items. If you accomplish certain feats in battle, such as using takedowns or defeating certain numbers of enemies and such, you’ll also earn Emblems you can equip to each Turtle, though this doesn’t seem to serve a useful in-game function. Each Turtle also levels up from battle, which doesn’t increase their stats or anything but instead allows you to purchase new Ninjutsu moves to use, effectively functioning as a means to purchase new abilities from a skill tree, of sorts.
Additional Features: There are fifty Achievements up for grabs in Mutants in Manhattan and, surprisingly, they actually require a bit of effort to earn. Rather than simply being awarded an Achievement for beating each boss, you’ll need to travel a certain distance, both on foot and on rails, detonate explosive barrels, take out security cameras and devices, and complete a set number of missions to earn your G. Achievements are also dished out for playing online, battling secret bosses, and being in specific situations during the snapshots that play whenever a boss is defeated. It’s advised to play alongside friends in order to better sync up your chances of earning some of these Achievements, and a fair few of them depend on luck and replaying stages over and over to spawn in specific missions. There are three difficulty settings to choose from, with a fourth being unlockable, and numerous collectibles to find, including comic book covers and movies but, sadly, no additional characters or skins to unlock (you’ll need to have been lucky enough to get the downloadable content to access those).
The Summary: I was actually presently surprised by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan. I’d heard that it was a bit of a disappointment, so I wasn’t exactly expecting too much from it, but it turned out to be a pretty good brawler. At first, I was worried it was going to be too open-world, and then I was a bit frustrated by the mission-based structure of it, but it quickly became an enjoyable romp with just enough depth to be interesting but not too much stuff happening that it becomes confusing and full of grinding and micromanagement. The TMNT were fun to play as and brought to life really well; the AI system was ridiculously competent (almost too competent in some instances, especially when I was trying for Achievements) and the stages are just the right length and have just enough variety to not get boring. Things are very linear but there’s a degree of randomness to certain events; exploration is limited but usually rewarding; and it’s fun to experiment with different Ninjutsu combinations and Charm effects. The highlight of the game for me were the boss battles; large, intimidating, challenging, and recognisable TMNT villains act as the focal point of each stage and they were really enjoyable to battle against, with each one being just different enough to not be boring or aggravating, and I honestly didn’t even really mind the forced boss rush in the endgame since they were so much fun to fight. I imagine the game is even more fun to play with a friend and this was the closest I’ve seen a 3D TMNT videogame come to emulating the pick-up-and-play arcade-style action of the games I enjoyed so much as a kid. It’s not perfect by any means and is maybe a little too short and too lacking in content, but it’s certainly more appealing than some TMNT videogames and I definitely wouldn’t say no to jumping back in and trying to grind out some more of those Achievements.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 3 out of 5.
Pretty Good
Have you ever played Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan? What did you think to the combat and abilities of the TMNT? Which of the bosses was your favourite to battle and what did you think to the forced boss rush? Did you struggle with any of the missions on offer? What did you think to the BP and Ninjutsu system? Did you ever experience all the secret bosses and earn all of the Achievements? How did you celebrate the TMNT’s debut this month? Whatever your thoughts on Mutants in Manhattan, leave a comment down below or on my social media and check out my other TMNT content across the site.
Since his explosive debut in May 1962, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s gamma-irradiated Jade Giant has been one of their most recognisable and successful characters thanks, in large part, to the Incredible Hulk television show (1977 to 1982) catapulting the Hulk into a mainstream, pop culture icon. The Hulk has been no slouch in the comics either, being a founding member of the Avengers and undergoing numerous changes that have made him one of their most versatile and enduring characters.
Published: 22 December 1992 / 26 January 1993 Writer: Peter David Artists: George Pérez
The Background: The Incredible Hulk (and his human alter ego, Doctor Robert Bruce Banner) was another creation of Marvel legends Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. Inspired by the story of a hysterical mother showcasing superhuman strength to rescue her endangered child and classic movie monsters like Frankenstein’s Monster and Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde, the Hulk functioned as an allegory for the foils of war and was initially depicted as a stone-grey figure who emerged at night. Although his first series was cancelled after a year and a half in, the character returned to prominence following expansions of his lore and character and the popularity of the Incredible Hulk TV series. Nowadays, the Hulk is a staple of Marvel Comics, with an extensive gallery of villains who have tested him both physically and mentally, but one of his greatest tests came when writer Peter David and artist George Pérez had the Green Goliath encounter a possible future version of himself, the malevolent Maestro. Possessing the same insurmountable strength as the Hulk and bolstered by his calculating intellect, the Maestro is often regarded as one of the Hulk’s most dangerous and formidable villains. His debut story is so well regarded that the character has cropped up in additional tales to flesh out his backstory and regularly appears in the Hulk’s cartoon and videogame adaptations, so great is the threat of this devious alternative Hulk.
The Review: Our story begins in a dystopian wasteland about one hundred years into the future; the overgrown, dishevelled ruins of New York City house the remnants of society in overcrowded, war-torn streets. Tensions are high and a “Big Brother” monitoring system is in place, courtesy of the mysterious Maestro, who dwells within an emerald palace high above the ruins. Amidst the bustling, anxious crowd, we’re introduced to Janis Jones and her cohorts in the rebellion against the Maestro, one that’s vastly outnumbered and against the odds. This is immediately demonstrated not just in their paranoia about their plans being overheard by the Maestro’s “Gravity Police” but the violent introduction of his cybernetic law enforcers, who immediately execute one of their number and demand their immediate surrender. Although Janis begs them to fall back and get to safety, her fellow insurgents choose to fight, leaving the elderly Pizfiz with a bloody stump for a leg and Janis and Skooter desperately trying to escape their pursuers. Luckily for them, a building collapses and covers their escape and, from the rubble, emerges none other than the Incredible Hulk. Now, this is the so-called “Professor Hulk”, a stable merging of Banner and the Hulk’s psyches who operated during the nineties. This Hulk wears clothes and is capable of intelligent speech, while also still exhibiting his trademark superhuman strength and dexterity, though not quite to the same degree as his usual savage self. This means he waxes lyrical while thrashing the Gravity Police but briefly struggles against their massive, mechanical “Dog O’ War”. However, he’s still the Hulk so naturally he rips the robot dog’s head off and sends the cops packing as a message to the Maestro.
100 years hence, the world is a dystopian hellhole ruled by a malicious Hulk.
Naturally, the Hulk attracts a fair amount of attention as he walks the streets; the people view him with a mixture of fear and respect, which he finds strangely alluring. He’s soon accosted by Janis and taken to the literal underground, where the rebellion hides deep beneath the wreckage of the city streets. Janis gives her people a quick history lesson on the Hulk, going over his classic origin courtesy of “sliding”, a visual representation of actual eyewitnesses to the Hulk’s history. It seems Janis recruited him to help them out and the Hulk went along because his old friend, Rick Jones, vouched for her and out of curiosity regarding the Maestro’s true identity. Janis takes the Hulk to an aged and decrepit Rick, who sits in Professor Charles Xavier’s hoverchair amidst a trophy room of those who have fallen in the years since, hero and villain alike. Word of the Hulk’s appearance quickly reaches Thomas Raymond, minister to the Maestro, who interrupts his leader’s orgy to bring him news of this temporal impossibility, giving us our first look at the Maestro as an older, more grizzled version of the Hulk who sports a lion’s mane of grey hair and beard. Favouring a regal cape and an intimidating helmet, the Maestro callously interrogates Pizfiz. When Pizfiz tries to goad the Maestro into losing his temper and killing him, the dictator allows the influence of the Minister and his cooler temperament to keep him in check and forcibly extracts the information he requires. Pizfix got Doctor Victor Von Doom/Dr. Doom’s time machine up and running and sent himself and Janis to the past to recruit the young Rick and the Hulk in helping them out. When Pizfiz is left a broken, lifeless husk from the stress of the procedure, the Maestro splatters him for his insolence and prepares to lead a strike team to hunt down his younger counterpart.
The Hulk is overpowered by the far stronger, far more cunning Maestro and left his helpless captive.
The frail Rick reveals that, in the end, humanity was their own undoing; two massive nuclear wars ravaged the world, killing the world’s heroes and villains, not to mention countless innocents, with only their costumes and ashes left as a memorial in Rick’s collection. Not so for the Maestro, who only increased in power from the radioactive fallout, built a dystopian society for his own amusement, and was driven completely insane. Much like Darkseid, the destitute peons of the city cheer the Maestro’s name and try to win his favour, only to be brushed aside and kicked out of the way like flies. The Maestro also has no time or worry for any defences the resistance may have set up and simply burrows his way down to their hideout using sheer brute strength, caring little when his men are dissolved by acid and gas or sliced to ribbons by lasers. The Maestro simply walks through these traps to come face to face, and blow for blow, with his counterpart. Their fight quickly explodes to the streets above, where the Maestro tests the Hulk’s resolve by calling him ”Puny Banner” and threatens to tear an innocent girl to pieces if he doesn’t surrender. The Hulk calls his bluff, reasoning that the Maestro must truly fear him to resort to such a tactic, but is unable to keep himself from leaping to the woman’s aid, much to the Maestro’s delight and disgust. Though the two are somewhat evenly matched, the Maestro takes the upper hand throughout the fight; he also constantly goads the Hulk, reasoning that he (as in the Maestro) can out-think and out-match him at every turn through the gift of hindsight as well as his awesome power and devious intellect. The plan works; when the Hulk charges in, the Maestro easily dodges and counters him to prove his intellectual superiority. Although the Hulk briefly turns the tide by fighting dirty with a nut shot, a haymaker sends the Maestro into a nearby building crushing and threatening innocent lives. The Hulk’s desperate need to save those lives allows the Maestro to get the jump on him and subdue him by breaking his neck. While Janis and the other lament the damage done to the Hulk, the Green Goliath wakes in the Maestro’s throne room, strapped into a massive neck brace and attended to by one of the Maestro’s “favourites”, who identifies herself as “Betty” and, apparently, rapes or at least physically interferes with him against his will, much to the Maestro’s pleasure.
The Hulk feigns injuries and temptation to lure the Maestro into a false sense of security.
Powerless and paralysed, the Hulk is forced to endure the Maestro’s scathing rhetoric; the Maestro even offers the Hulk the opportunity to put himself out of his misery, confident that his existence is assured since he has no memory of these events. The two get into a metaphysical debate about time travel theory but, in the end, the Hulk can’t bring himself to end his life since the risk that the Maestro is telling the truth about branching timelines being true is too great and would simply result in the Maestro’s continued existence. Resigned to being held prisoner while his wounds heal, the Hulk is forced out to the wastelands, where the elderly Boz and other would-be farmers desperately try to cultivate the irradiated and war-torn soil. Due to the scarce resources in the city, and the physical imperfections of these outsiders, they’re dependent on the Maestro’s limited generosity. He allows them to live, even furnishes them with supplies and has been trying to introduce nutrients into the soil, and all he asks in return is to take their most beautiful and worthwhile women for his own sordid amusement. The Maestro tries to win the Hulk over to his way of thinking, dressing him in fine robes and expositing the benefits of the less spirited slave girls in his palace, but the Hulk remains unimpressed. The Maestro sees his indignation and rejects it; to him, humans are the true monsters, for they destroyed themselves before any supervillain could. He sees himself as benefitting from the strange fate placed upon him since he was fortunate to have avoided being at ground zero and therefore reaped the rewards of the nuclear fallout while the world died around him. He offers the Hulk the chance to stay and rule at his side, promising that the future that lies ahead of him is full of the same hatred ad betrayal he’s always known, and the Hulk feigns temptation, and the extent of his injuries, in order to lead Janis and her allies into the palace.
Overpowered by the Maestro, the Hulk’s only hope is to out-think his foe using the time machine.
Pointed in the right direction by the Minister, the Hulk attempts to confront the Maestro directly and is blasted full force by a cannon specially created by Forge to kill the Green Goliath. Congratulating himself for being one step ahead of his counterpart, and his enemies, once more, the Maestro sets his forces against the resistance and a big ol’ shootout ensues. Angered at his soldiers’ inability to wipe the resistance out, and the disappearance of the wounded Hulk, the Maestro callously snaps the Minister’s neck and storms off in search of his younger self as his palace becomes a chaotic warzone. The Maestro follows the Hulk’s blood trail, and the familiar sound of Rick’s harmonica, to the trophy room; there, he chastises himself for allowing sentiment to stay his hand and delivers a mighty blow to his old friend. Though the frail Rick attempts to shield himself with the iconic shield of Captain Steve Rogers/Captain America, the force of the punch sends him flying across the room, where he’s impaled on the Adamantium claws of James “Logan” Howlett/Wolverine’s skeleton, much to the Maestro’s sneering amusement. In anger, the Hulk launches a surprise attack and attempts to cut the Maestro in half with Cap’s shield. When the Maestro attempts to counterattack with Thor Odinson’s magic hammer, he’s incensed to find he still cannot enough to lift it and briefly takes a beating after being blinded by the ashes of his former lover, Doctor Betty Ross. Once again, though, the injured Hulk finds himself overpowered and pummelled by the insane dictator’s onslaught; however, in the end, the Hulk is able to outsmart his devious doppelganger by luring him into Dr. Doom’s time machine. The Hulk activates the device, sending the Maestro to the one place he can be destroyed, ground zero of the very Gamma explosion that birthed the Hulk in the first place! In the aftermath, Boz’s daughter is returned to him and the people begin to pick their lives up in the Maestro’s absence. In a poignant farewell to his old friend, the Hulk launches Rick’s ashes, attached to Cap’s shield, into the horizon for one last adventure.
The Summary: If you’ve ever read any story dealing with a dystopian future, particularly in Marvel Comics, then much of Future Imperfect will be visually familiar to you. The depiction of a war-ravaged, overgrown city full of strangely dressed survivors, cobbled together technology, and an oppressive, survival-of-the-fittest mentality is nothing new but this story does put a bit of a unique spin on things by focusing on the Hulk. As is often the case with stories that take place far in the future, the people of Future Imperfect use a lot of weird terminology in place of modern slang, curses, and even simple words like “see” to give it that bizarre edge, but this isn’t a future where advanced technology is readily commonplace. Thanks to humanity waging two devastating wars, these people are lucky to even be alive, much less spared the ravages of radiation poisoning and mutation, and it’s only through the paper thin grace of the tyrannical Maestro that they’re even able to eek out the harsh living they’re forced to endure. What’s left of the world’s heroes and Marvel’s iconic characters is stored in Rick’s trophy room; tattered costumes, forgotten weapons, and the ashes and memories of heroes and villains alike adorn the walls and are a stark reminder that, for all their battles, the superhuman community was unable to save humanity from itself in the end. This, as much as anything else, is a crucial aspect of the Maestro’s rise to power; as he so eloquently exposits to the Hulk, the people who hated, feared, and fought him were undone by their own monstrous nature and the “monster” they rallied against became a saviour and survivor in the aftermath.
The tyrannical Maestro is the Hulk’s physical and mental superior throughout the story.
At least, that’s how he sees himself. A combination of radiation, power, and presumably survivor’s guilt have driven the future Hulk completely mad. Selfish and tyrannical, he cares only for his own self gratification and sees himself as a tough but fair ruler to his people, who he demands sing his praises but cares little if they’re trampled underfoot. This is perfectly juxtaposed by the Hulk; younger, leaner, far less jaded (no pun intended), the Hulk retains his moral compass and respect for life, setting him at ideological odds with the Maestro in a way that wouldn’t be as possible or versatile with his more savage counterpart. It also helps that Professor Hulk is clearly much weaker than usual, especially against the Maestro; the added radiation and one hundred years of living give the Maestro the edge in terms of sheer power, ferocity, and cunning that even Professor Hulk struggles against. Rather than thinking with his fists or relying on his usual strategies, the Hulk is forced to endure being the Maestro’s captive to wait for an opening to strike more effectively, which allows us a deeper glimpse into the workings of the Maestro’s world and the depths of his insanity. I think it’s telling that the Maestro is so loquacious in his demeanour; he truly sees himself as the hero of his world, as the apex predator, and as deserving of everything his built and amassed after being hounded all his life and left the sole survivor following the devastating nuclear attacks.
The Hulk’s clash against the Maestro shows how dangerous an intelligent, evil Hulk can be.
Thus, the Maestro and the Hulk clash with morals as much as their fists, and both are intriguing. It’s not often that you see the Hulk, even Professor Hulk, manhandled and brutalised as badly as he is here; he’s constantly being swatted away, overpowered, and injured, bleeding in the finale and left half-paralysed after having his neck broken! In the rare instances when the Hulk is able to fight back, he’s always on the back foot within a few panels and, in the end, is forced to outwit the Maestro rather than out-fight him since he’s clearly outmatched. The supporting characters were okay; they fulfilled their purpose as resistance fighters who recruited the Hulk out of desperation, but it does make you wonder why Janis wouldn’t just stay in the past when she travelled back rather than risk her life saving a world that’s already gone to hell. The story even lampshades the suggestion that they go back and get more reinforcements; like, yeah, they could have tried to recruit more heroes while back in the past, and honestly the whole story of how the Hulk even got there is barely touched upon. Ultimately, they’re a means to an end; Janis needs to exist so the story can happen, but she’s not as interesting to me as the elderly Rick and his roomful of Easter Eggs, which served as a great backdrop for the finale. Ultimately, I can see why the story and the Maestro are so fondly regarded; it definitely could’ve benefited from being longer, perhaps five twenty page issues, to help things breathe a bit. Yet, the visual of the Maestro, his wild hair and his gruff, conniving demeanour, is certainly striking. The idea of the Hulk becoming intelligent and cruel enough to rule over the last vestiges of humanity is a powerful one since his rage at being ostracised is fully justified and he represents a nigh-unstoppable foe, and those elements were conveyed very well even in these two, all-too-brief issues.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Great Stuff
Are you a fan of Future Imperfect? What did you think to the Maestro and his depiction as a tyrannical, malicious future version of the Hulk? Were you a fan of Professor Hulk, and would you have liked to see the more savage Hulk take his place in this story? Which of the Easter Eggs in Rick’s trophy room was your favourite? Which dystopian future of Marvel Comics is your favourite and do you have a favourite alternative version of the Hulk? How are you celebrating the Hulk’s debut this month? Whatever your thoughts on Future Imperfect, go ahead and share them below or leave a comment on my social media and be sure to check out my other Hulk content.
The first issue of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) was published in May of 1984. Since then, the TMNT have gone on to achieve worldwide mainstream success thanks not only to their original comics run but also a number of influential cartoons, videogames, and wave-upon-wave of action figures. Even now, the TMNT continue to be an influential and popular commodity, proving that some fads don’t die out…they just get stronger!
Released: 20 March 2007 Developer: Ubisoft Montreal Also Available For: GameCube, Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii, PC, PlayStation 2, PlayStation Portable (PSP)
The Background: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (known as Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles here in the United Kingdom) dominated playgrounds during my youth thanks to the super popular cartoon and toys, but the impact of their videogames cannot be understated. Konami’s original arcade title was one of the defining titles of the beat-‘em-up genre, the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) title all-but defined what it meant to be “NES Hard”, and the Heroes in a Half-Shell saw success in a variety of genres. Although the critical and commercial mauling of their much-lambastedthird live-action venture meant it took the better part of fifteen years for them to return to cinema screens, new TMNT videogames, cartoons, and toys continued to be produced. With TMNT(Munroe, 2007) set to be the franchise’s big return to cinema, one that would encompass different aspects of the franchise, it was only natural that it was accompanied by a videogame adaptation; this was the style of the time, after all. At this point, the licensing rights were owned by Ubisoft and the developers sought to take the family-orientated nature of the TMNT and translate it into a brawler for unique gameplay mechanics. Unfortunately, TMNT was met with mixed reviews that criticised its simplicity, repetitive combat, and lack of content. Direct comparisons were made to the arcade games of yesteryear and the reviews felt as though TMNTfailed to measure up to these standards as, despite capturing the visual style of the movie, the focus on platforming and mind-numbing gameplay failed to excite compared to what had come before.
The Plot: Following the defeat of Oroku Saki/The Shredder, the TMNT have drifted apart; leader Leonardo is off training in Central America and hot-headed Raphael is secretly busting heads as a masked vigilante known as the Nightwatcher. However, the brothers come together again when mythical creatures rampage through New York City as part of an ancient ritual.
Gameplay: TMNT falls into the rare and frankly bonkers category of being a TMNT videogame that is focused solely on a single player experience, despite the fact that many levels see you not only switching between the four brothers but also pulling off team-up attacks! Instead, the game is framed as the TMNT reminiscing about their newest big-screen adventure alongside their master and father-figure, Splinter. The player controls each of the Turtles individually, and eventually gets access to all four of them, across sixteen story-based levels heavily inspired by locations and events from the movie and focused heavily on combat and, surprisingly, a great deal of platforming. The player can jump with A (executing a double jump if A is pressed again in mid-air), use Y to knock enemies flying with a spin attack (or hold the button for a flurry of attacks), strike hard and fast with their signature weapons by pressing B (holding it for an overpowered dash attack that sees you automatically zip towards any nearby enemies or mashing the button to string together basic combos), and switch characters, when available, with X. The player can also use the shoulder buttons to dodge and block when in combat, though I had no need for this for the most part, and holding one of these shoulder triggers in conjunction with X pulls off co-operative attacks, such as tossing your Turtle across large gaps or at enemies.
While the TMNT have their own signature styles, repetitive combat and platforming runs rampant.
As you’d expect from a TMNT videogame, the four mutants all look and play very similar and are separated by their slightly different voices and quirky personalities and their signature weapons. The very nature of these weapons means that characters like Leonardo and Donatello have greater reach than Raphael and Michelangelo and, for the most part, TMNT doesn’t get more complicated than categorising Leo as the “balanced” character and having Mikey focus more on executing a flurry of melee attacks. However, they do have distinctive special abilities that can be pulled off by holding the Right Bumper and pressing X or B: Leo can phase through bars, Don can “bo vault” across large gaps, Mikey spins his nunchakus like helicopter blades to float for a short period of time, and Raph can climb certain walls (as indicated by glowing red rectangles and dialogue prompts) with his sais. The player will also get to control Raph’s armoured alter ego, the Nightwatcher, at various points. Although he plays very similar to Raph and the others, he builds up an additional “Rage Meter” that, when full, allows him to pull off an area blast with RB and B or gives him a power boost when only partially full. Success in combat awards you stars and builds your “Family Bond Meter”, allowing you to pull off the aforementioned team attacks and a screen-clearing “Mega Attack”, and you can execute a ground punch to get some breathing room by pressing B in mid-air. You also have a decent variety of traversal options in the game’s platforming sections. The TMNT can grab ledges to shimmy across gaps or simply run along walls for a short period. They can also scale vertical walls using handholds, swing from poles, and, if you stand completely still, your Turtle will meditate and slowly regain health (though the Nightwatcher seems exempt from this).
The game offers little challenge or variety, featuring simple platforming and button mashing.
There’s no real incentive to do this, however, as you’re not only penalised with a lower grade if you take too long to complete stages but you can simply mash the A button when your health is drained to return to the fight, with no danger of failure at any time. Each stage is incredibly linear and filled with checkpoints, allowing you to easily respawn if you miss a jump or plunge to your doom, and you can simply mash A if you get stuck in toxic waste. Stages demand very little from you other than to follow a set path, hopping across rooftops, fences, and from platform to platform in a shameless aping of Frogger (Konami, 1981) as you traverse the game’s limited and repetitive environments. Occasionally, you’ll encounter various hurdles to break up the monotony: the Foot Clan will have placed trip wires that activate arrow hazards, the game switches to a 2.5D perspective a few times as you scale the outside of buildings, you’ll hop to temporary or moving platforms, and at one point have to quickly scale a shaft, battling with the stubborn camera, to avoid regular laser blasts. A couple of other times, you’ll have to race towards the camera Crash Bandicoot-style (Naughty Dog, 1996) as the environment crumbles around you, avoid bursts of flame, electrified hazards, and laser traps, run through a super simplistic hedge maze, and cross the New York skyline using parade balloons but it all gets very samey very quickly. Combat is much of the same; each combat encounter takes place in a pre-set area, meaning a variety of goons come at you at specific points and you’re forced to fend them off to progress. I had very little use for the block or dodge mechanics and found it much easier to simply knock the enemies away, charge up an attack, and then pummel them with simple weapon combos in order to move on as quickly as possible.
Graphics and Sound: Graphically, TMNT is a bit of a mixed bag; the four Turtles look really good, emulating their big-screen counterparts and even their voice actors reprise their roles. Depending on the story chapter you’re playing, the TMNT will slightly change up their looks; Leo sports a cloak when in the jungle, for example, and Mikey’s first stage sees him garbed in his “Cowabunga Carl” costume, though there are no options to unlock these as permanent skins. As you play, the TMNT will offer the usual commentary praising your fighting skills but also chime in to advance the story with the benefit of hindsight. Unfortunately, the music is incredibly generic and, like the movie, opts for more of a sound-a-like than anything resembling the classic TMNT theme song. The goons you fight aren’t very visually interesting either, and the game’s cutscenes have a serious case of identity crisis. For the most part, the story progresses using barely-animated comic book panels that are visually inconsistent with the source material. In-game cutscenes are few and far between, with only a handful occurring near the end of the game, and, most surprisingly of all, TMNT features very little film footage, and what is there is grainy and oddly placed.
The game’s visuals are all over the place, though the Nightwatcher’s noir-style stages stand out.
Most disappointing of all is the level variety. New York City has never looked more blocky and deserted in a TMNT videogame; you’ll constantly be running and jumping across rooftops and alleyways that all look and feel very similar, despite the time of day changing or tossing in parts of Chinatown and recognisable landmarks in the background. When you’re not on the streets or rooftops, you’re in the sewers, hopping to platforms or running along the tunnel walls, or in Max Winters’ high-tech building riding elevators and avoiding lasers. There is a part where you enter a Chinese-style temple full of lily pads and ornate decorations, which was kind of interesting, and you’ll have to traverse water wheels and a steel mill full of molten lava in order to progress, too. Generally, the game runs okay but I did experience odd periods of slowdown and it’s all very bland and by-the-numbers and feels very padded out, but things do get visually interesting when playing as the Nightwatcher. Not only is Raph’s vigilante persona chunkier and a little different to control but his levels all take place in a black and white filter that emulates the original Mirage Comics and helps to break up the visual repetition of the game. There’s also a point where Leo confronts the Nightwatcher and chases him across the city; when Leo is ambushed, the player switches to controlling an unmasked Nightwatcher and backtracking to help their brother, which did mix things up but these cutscenes were let down by the rigidity of the in-game models and the reliance of pop-in character portraits rather than mouth animations.
Enemies and Bosses: There are a few different factions of enemies that will oppose you throughout TMNT, none of them being all that interesting conceptually, visually, or as enemies. In the jungles, you’ll encounter machete- and gun-wielding mercenaries; street punks come at you with blunt weapons and bravado; and you’ll occasionally encounter more tech-orientated goons in the sewer who jab at you with electrified sticks. Naturally, you’ll also battle the Foot Clan on more than one occasion; these black-clad ninjas attack with swords and arrows but aren’t much of a threat, despite their numbers. Other enemies may toss projectiles, such as acid beakers, and you’ll generally face far more goons as the Nightwatcher in order to build up his rage meter faster, but there aren’t any of the classic TMNT enemies to find here, like Mousers or the Stone Warriors, most likely because they didn’t feature in the movie and the developers were hyper-focused on bombarding you with 3D platforming sections.
Of the thirteen ancient monsters, you’ll only fight four and they’ll flee before you can finish them off!
Considering the source material revolves around thirteen mythical beasts rampaging through New York City, you’d think that TMNT would include a decent variety of boss battles but, sadly, you’d be mistaken. You’ll encounter seven bosses throughout the game; four of those are fought on two separate occasions, which is already pretty cheap, but you also won’t even defeat a boss until your reach the boss gauntlet at the end of the game. The first boss you encounter is General Gato, who hops around a circular arena tossing spines at you, lunging at you with blade swipes, or charging up a spray of projectiles in the middle of the arena. Simply dodge and jump over his projectiles and deliver a beatdown when he comes close and you’ll soon have him on the run. Next, you encounter the Yeti crashing his way through buildings before settling in a construction site. This ape-like brute throws slow, powerful haymakers, delivers a ground slam, and goes absolutely mental after you drain enough of his health but, again, flees before you can deliver a decisive blow. General Mono is easily the worst of the bosses; this hulking brute wields a massive hammer that he constantly smashes to the ground to create shockwaves; he also leaps into the air to come crashing down on you and is easily able to tank your combos. The fourth mystical creature you battle is Serpientei, easily the most agile and versatile of the group thanks to her ability to teleport, spit acid, race at you with a dashing strike, and unleash a charged strike. Halfway through the fight, Serpientei spews acid on Raph and the other TMNT will arrive to help, allowing you to make full use of your Mega Attacks to finish her off.
Besting Shredder and the final boss is much easier with your team-up attacks.
All four of these bosses reappear in a boss rush at the end of the game and are fought one after the other, with checkpoints and a barrage of lightning to avoid between each one. This time, you fight them in a circular arena that, if you fall out of, will see you instantly fail and have to retry from the last checkpoint, something which is incredibly frustrating when battling General Mono again. Of the four bosses, this guy easily poses the biggest problem as he absorbs your attacks like a sponge and unleashes a massive explosive hammer slam that will instantly KO you off the arena unless you interrupt his attack by tossing a Turtle at him. Despite only briefly appearing in the movie, you’ll also battle the TMNT’s archenemy, the Shredder, courtesy of a flashback; much like Shredder battles from the TMNT’s arcade games, Saki summons duplicates of himself and tosses kunai, but he’s not a very intimidating foe and is easily dispatched without much trouble. Finally, after defeating the Shredder and dealing with the four mystical creatures once again, you’ll battle General Augila, who immediately reduces the size of the boss arena and proves invulnerable to conventional attack. General Augila will attack with a spread of laser beams, tossing out multiple arrows, raining fireballs, and firing energy waves at you while spinning his sword; he also constantly floats around the arena between attacks, making him a difficult target, and can restore his health. However, you’ll notice that each of his attacks is colour-coded and this is your key to victory; simply switch to the appropriate Turtle and unleash your Mega Attack to damage him and he goes down without much fuss (certainly easier for me than the second battle with General Mono!)
Power-Ups and Bonuses: Strangely, unlike pretty much every single TMNT videogame, there aren’t any power-ups or pick-ups in TMNT. As the Turtles restore their health through meditation and there is no life system, you won’t be picking up pizzas or extra lives and there are no temporary power-ups to find; you simply need to pummel enemies to build your meters and that’s it. There are no fire hydrants to attack, no additional weapons to pick up, no explosive barrels, or anything like that, making it a bit of a step back compared to its arcade predecessors.
Additional Features: There are twenty-three Achievements to grab here, and you should have no trouble earning all of them in no time at all. Sixteen of them are awarded simply for completing each of the game’s stages; you’ll get another four for using each of the TMNT’s special moves, one for finishing a level without taking damage, one for doing a co-op attack, and one for collecting your first Gold Coin. There are no difficulty settings here so you don’t have to worry about finishing the game on harder modes and, while you do get a rank at the end of every stage, there are no Achievements tied to getting any of these, making these Achievements a breeze to get. Every level contains a number of Silver Coins; collecting these adds to your rank and allows you to purchase “goodies” from the main menu. Sadly, rather than these unlocking new skins or characters (April O’Neil and Casey Jones are nowhere to be found here), you simply unlock big head mode and daft weapons and sound effects. Clearing a level allows you to replay it and grab a Gold Coin for more points and that Achievement and also unlocks a virtual reality Challenge Map, where you must complete a wireframe obstacle course in a time limit (though, again, there’s nothing to gain from this).
The Summary: I have a certain expectation when it comes to TMNT videogames; it’s not exactly a high standard or anything, I just expect them to be fun, colourful, arcade-style brawlers and not much else. In this respect, I was fully expecting to still enjoy TMNT despite it having the stigma of being a videogame adaptation, but this game really misses the mark. As much as I enjoy the movie it’s based on, I can’t say the same for the game, which pads out its playtime with an overabundance of visually boring platforming sections and repetitive combat. It’s not long before you’ve seen everything TMNT has to offer and the level of challenge here is so low that you’ll quickly become bored by it all. There’s no skill to the game, no new moves or power-ups to earn, and you can’t even play it with a friend, which has to be some kind of cardinal sin for a TMNT videogame at this point. Bland environments and a stubborn unwillingness to expand or deviate from the source material clashes with a disjointed visual style and a lack of content from the movie, making the whole experience very basic and slapped together. The game controls well and, at times, does look pretty good, but the lack of options, disappointing bosses, frustrating camera and finicky controls, and mediocre challenge on offer make it only really worth playing to bump up your gamer score. If you can find it cheap, I’d say it’s worth snapping up for this reason alone and to make you appreciate the TMNT’s 2D adventures all the more, but the lack of playable characters and lacklustre Achievements and gameplay modes mean this game is easily forgettable and little more than a barebones brawler/platformer designed to cash-in on a popular franchise.
My Rating:
⭐⭐
Rating: 2 out of 5.
Could Be Better
Have you ever played TMNT? If so, what did you think to it, especially compared to other TMNT videogames? What did you think to the presentation of the game and its focus on 3D platforming and repetitive combat? Which of the TMNT was your favourite to play as? Were you also disappointed by the lack of content and challenge on offer here? Which of the bosses was the most frustrating for you? Did you ever clear all the Challenge Maps? What are some of your most, or least, favourite videogame adaptations and how are you celebrating the TMNT’s debut this month? Whatever your thoughts on the TMNT, leave a comment down below.
The first issue of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) was published in May of 1984. Since then, the TMNT have gone on to achieve worldwide mainstream success thanks not only to their original comics run but also a number of influential cartoons, videogames, and wave-upon-wave of action figures. Even now, the TMNT continue to be an influential and popular commodity, proving that some fads don’t die out…they just get stronger!
Released: 23 March 2007 Director: Kevin Munroe Distributor: Warner Bros. Pictures / The Weinstein Company Budget: $34 million Stars: James Arnold Taylor, Nolan North, Mikey Kelley, Mitchell Whitfield, Patrick Stewart, Zhang Ziyi, and Mako Iwamatsu/Greg Baldwin
The Plot: Since defeating Oroku Saki/The Shredder, the TMNT have drifted apart; leader Leonardo (Taylor) is training in Central America and hot-headed Raphael (North) is secretly busting heads as the masked vigilante the Nightwatcher. However, the brothers are forced to come together again when thirteen mythical creatures rampage through New York City as part of an ancient ritual.
The Review: It’s always surprising to me how a premise as bonkers as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles finds ways to go even further out there with its content and stories. As early as their initial issues, the TMNT were battling robots, travelling across the galaxy, and encountering strange semi-cybernetic alien lifeforms. As much as I prefer the street-level adventures of the TMNT, I have enjoyed their more bizarre escapades and enemies, which have come from different dimensions, timelines, and worlds and have long expanded the TMNT’s world beyond simply battling ninjas on the streets of New York City. However, for the most part, the TMNT’s cinematic adventures tend to be more grounded; this, as much as anything, made Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle III stand out as quite the anomaly, but TMNT also offers up a surreal plot for the mutant brothers, though the differences between the two can be chalked up to their execution and tone. It helps that TMNT opens with a narration from the always-awesome Laurence Fishburne that not only positions this film into the loose canon of the existing movies (Splinter’s (Iwamatsu/Baldwin) trophy shelf also reinforces this, containing mementos from the previous films, even if the TMNT’s characters are slightly different) but also gives some insight into the legend of warlord Yaotl. Three thousand years ago, the warrior king and his brotherhood carved a path of destruction and conquest across the globe that culminated in him opening a portal into a parallel universe to gain immortality but at the cost of his generals being turned to stone and thirteen immortal monsters being unleashed from the rift, eventually serving as the inspiration for famous mythical monsters over the centuries.
While Leo has been off training, the TMNT have fractured and lost their camaraderie.
When we rejoin the titular turtles, they’ve been fractured; Leonardo has spent over a year in Central America on the orders of his master and father-figure, Splinter. Although Leo’s training ended some time ago, he feels he hasn’t yet fulfilled his mission to become a better leader and has come to believe his efforts to protect the locals as the “Ghost of the Forest” is more important than his duties back home. However, Leo is stunned when his old friend and former news reporter turned-antiquities-dealer April O’Neil (Sarah Michelle Gellar) arrives in Central America looking to source rare pieces for her boss, business tycoon Max Winters (Stewart), and tells him all about how Donatello (Whitfield) now “does machines” by working an exasperating job as a remote tech support, Michelangelo (Kelley) dresses up as “Cowabunga Carl” to act as a children’s entertainer, and Raphael (North) has largely ostracised himself from the group, sleeping all day to recover from his nightly jaunts as the armour-clad vigilante the Nightwatcher. Each of Leo’s brothers are aggravated by their situation in their own way; while Don appears content to let the past go and focus on contributing to their welfare, even Mikey, traditionally the most jovial of the bunch, expresses frustration at how boring their lives have become. While Mikey is in awe of the Nightwatcher, Don isn’t so convinced, believing he’s doing more harm than good, while Raph is obviously all for the vigilante filling the void his “has-been” brothers have left behind. Proud of his son for having grown stronger, Splinter encourages Leo to bring his brothers back together as a team before they return to vigilantism and encourages each of them to see their situation as a learning opportunity to acknowledge their flaws and grow stronger, though there’s a definite sense of scepticism amongst his sons even when Leo returns as they’ve gotten a little rusty working together.
Resentful of Leo’s leadership, Raph frequently clashes with his brother and lashes out in frustration.
Strangely, Leo is also unimpressed by the Nightwatcher’s efforts; while he accepts fellow vigilante Casey Jones (Chris Evans) as a trusted ally and the TMNT have their ninja training to fall back on, Leo believes the Nightwatcher is putting himself in unnecessary danger by meddling in crimefighting. While the others may be unaware of Raph’s nightly activities, Casey isn’t; constantly shirking his chores and missing appointments as April’s muscle thanks to his late-night excursions, Casey not only delights in busting heads alongside Raph but also opens up to him about his fears of a long-term commitment with April since he doesn’t feel mature enough to be the man she needs. Raph also opens up about his frustrations with Leo, which are surprisingly complex; he resents his brother for leaving, but also admits that he would probably do the same if he could only let go of his love for the noisy, violent city they call home. Despite Raph constantly criticising him, Leo tries his best to pull his brothers together but they’ve grown impulsive and immediately disregard his (and even Splinter’s) orders to avoid fighting, which results in them not only failing to subdue the Bigfoot but also taking quite a beating, too. Raph’s recklessness and loyalty to his friend later sees him drugged by a Foot dart and once again finds himself unconscious in April’s care. Luckily, he has one of the Stone Generals’ throwing stars stuck in his shell, and April’s knowledge of ancient lore allows her to piece together not just an explanation behind the monsters that’ve cropped up in the city but also Winters’ involvement in the plot.
Although he seems evil, Winters actually wants to atone for his past and end his immortality.
April is now capable enough to work with Don to calculate when and how the dimensional rift will open and also showcases enough ninja training to join her allies in the finale. April also assists Winters in obtaining the legendary petrified generals but, while he assumes the façade of a charming and affluent collector of ancient relics, Winters secretly hires the remnants of the Foot Clan, led by Shredder’s former lieutenant, Karai (Zhang), to capture the thirteen monsters and bring them to him. When inside Winters’ vast skyscraper, the film veers towards the absurd somewhat; Winters favours a distinct stone-and-marble aesthetic, one that’s made up of centuries of relics and an unnaturally long life amassing an impressive fortune, but that’s also home to an impossibly large, steampunk-themed facility specifically designed to siphon the interdimensional power of the rift by sacrificing the captured monsters. No mere businessman, Winters easily intimidates Karai and the Foot after awakening his old allies, General Aguila (Kevin Michael Richardson), General Serpiente (Paula Mattioli), and General Gato (Fred Tatasciore), imposing, nigh-immortal warriors who eventually conspire against Winters when they realise that his goal is no longer world conquest. Although thirteen monsters cause havoc throughout the city, only a handful feature prominently, and some are barely glimpsed. The first one seen is the gargoyle-like Succubor, which feasts on birds and Raph and Casey witness being captured by the Foot and the Stone Generals. However, the first monster that the TMNT encounters is the Bigfoot, a rampaging, ape-like yeti that manhandles the Foot atop a construction site before being captured by General Aquila. Through the power of a montage, the Foot and the Stone Generals subdue all but two of the legendary monsters in quick succession, meaning the most prominent monster is the diminutive, voracious Jersey Devil, which the Nightwatcher battles in a diner kitchen. After deciding to maintain their immortality and unleash a legion of monsters upon the world, the Stone Generals turn against Winters and substitute Leo for the final monster, reducing these visually interesting creatures to mere plot points.
The Nitty-Gritty: As much as I enjoyed the first two TMNT movies and admire the excellent suits and animatronics used to bring them to life, there’s no doubt in my mind that going all CGI is a much better way to bring these bizarre characters to screen. In fact, the only downsides I have about the TMNT’s appearances in this movie are that they’re not as easy to tell apart as their predecessors and successors. Yes, they have different weapons, voices, and bandanas but they’re not as physically distinct; like, usually they have different colourings or Raph is bulkier, for example. Additionally, they’re a little too frog-like in their movements. I’m okay with this, however, as they move and fight with a kinetic, superhuman quality that results in some fun and fast-paced sequences. TMNT also gets extra points not just for evoking the original Mirage Comics in its visuals, especially when the TMNT are traversing the city at night, but in its violence. While there’s no blood or bodily dismemberment, there’s a surprising amount of explicit and implicit violence in TMNT; Leo is very heavily implied to have killed the soldiers who ransacked the village under his protection and the film opens with Yaotl and his brotherhood ruthlessly cutting down their enemies. Committing to an all-CGI production certainly allows TMNT to maintain a consistent visual style; while the TMNT and the various monsters are obviously fantastical creatures, this is a hyper-realistic animated world, where stick-thin characters like April co-exist alongside the absurdly broad-shouldered Winters. The entire film is steeped in a murky darkness that really adds to the atmosphere and again harkens back to the original Mirage Comics; Leo’s brutal confrontation with the Nightwatcher notably stands out due to the rain and storm effects adding to the emotional conflict. Although the city can appear a little barren at times, there are a few instances of armed street punks running afoul of the Nightwatcher to help give the location a bit of life.
Raph’s hot-headed attitude leads to him clashing with Leo and being forced to make amends.
It’s not uncommon for TMNT stories to focus on themes of family and brotherhood, but TMNT is the first movie to really delve into these aspects beyond just depicting a sense of camaraderie and rivalry between the four. The film begins with the family dynamic splintered (no pun intended) in a way we rarely see; Leo is in Central America, honing his ninja and leadership skills, leaving his brothers to fend for themselves with menial jobs and a general lack of excitement. Feeling abandoned by his brother and frustrated by being stuck in their underground lair all the time, Raph has taken to stalking the streets as the Nightwatcher; as ever, his hot-headedness and antagonistic attitude causes friction between him and Leo when the latter returns since Raph is slighted by Splinter’s apparent favouritism towards his brother. Thus, while Mike and Don are elated to be reunited with their brother, it’s clear that the group’s effectiveness has waned in his absence and a central aspect of the movie is about them learning to trust each other and work collectively as an ass-kicking unit once more. Raph’s resentment towards Leo eventually boils over, causing him to quit the team and his family. When Leo goes to make amends, he confronts the Nightwatcher and, unaware that it’s Raph under the helmet, tries to reason with him following a thrilling rooftop chase across the city. Leo easily dodges the Nightwatcher’s heavy chains but is stunned to find his hot-tempered brother beneath the helmet; the two have a heated exchange and, with their tempers and egos flared, they engage in a brutal scuffle to settle their differences. Although seemingly evenly matched, Raph comes out on top after breaking Leo’s katana but he’s so ashamed at how close he came to killing his brother that he flees into the rainswept night and is unable to keep Leo from being captured by the Stone Generals. Guilt-ridden, Raph confesses his shame to Splinter; after his father commends Raph’s strength of character, Raph resolves to work with his family and friends to storm Winters’ tower and rescue Leo in order to make amends for his recklessness.
After reuniting as a team and family, the TMNT bring Winters the peace he’s longed for.
The theme of family permeates further as it turns out that Winters’ entire motivation is not for conquest or power, but to rid himself and his generals of their immortality and remove the monsters from the world so they can all finally be at peace. As they have no desire to lose their immortality, the Stone Generals capture the monsters for their own ends and force Karai and the Foot Clan to swear allegiance to them. Thus, the TMNT and their allies are forced to fight through an entire legion of Foot Soldiers in a large-scale fight scene that’s far and away beyond anything we’ve seen in a live-action TMNT movie; even Splinter, April, and Casey get in on the action, easily fending off the Foot’s greater numbers to the infectious beat of P.O.D.’s “Lights Out”. With an intense sky beam acting as a ticking clock before the dimensional rift is reopened, the TMNT breaches the tower and successfully rescue Leo; Raph apologises, gifts Leo new katana, and finally recognises his brother’s place as their leader. To his credit, Leo also acknowledges Raph’s importance to the team and family dynamic, and the heroes are surprised to find Winters actually desire the same goal as them: to save the city, dispense of the monsters, and end his long centuries of agonising immortality. Remaining loyal to Winters out of a sense of honour, Karai forges a temporary truce with her enemies. While Casey and April join her and her ninjas in tracking down the final monster, the TMNT finally come together as an efficient and co-ordinated unit to oppose General Aquila and his stone brethren with Winters and Splinter try to contain the beasts from escaping the swirling vortex. Due to the Stone Generals’ immortality, it doesn’t matter how hard or well the TMNT fight but, luckily for them, the Foot and their allies find the last monster, dispel the portal, and finally free Winters of his immortality. Despite Karai threatening that she and the Foot will resume hostilities on their next meeting, the TMNT return to the city streets finally reunited and stronger than ever; Splinter adds a few more mementos to his collection and the brothers head out into the night ready to defend their city from injustice…together at last.
The Summary: I really enjoyed TMNT; when I first saw it, the “Heroes in a Half-Shell” had been absent from cinema screens for way too long and I was really digging the visual presentation of the film at the time. While the TMNT had returned to their darker, more violent roots in the intervening years, it always hits a little different when the TMNT make it to the big screen and push those boundaries a little further. While TMNT adopts a very different visual style, one that’s clearly very different from the previous films, it emulates the same tone and gritty atmosphere as the first film and works nicely as a semi-connected continuation of those movies. I really enjoyed the kinetic action and the animation style used to bring the TMNT to life; for the first time on film, they could hop about and perform all kinds of crazy moves that no suit performer could ever match and could encounter many visually interesting creatures. While it’s unfortunate that the monsters and even the Stone Generals aren’t spotlighted more, the focus on the family dynamic more than makes up for this; this wouldn’t be the first or last time that Leo and Raph would butt heads but it’s realised in an intriguing way here. Raph’s resentment towards Leo clashes with his begrudging respect for him, but he’s ultimately unable to contain his temper, leading to them having one of their most intense battles in the entire franchise. I enjoyed the sub-plot of Raph operating as the Nightwatcher and that there was a little more for April, Casey, and even Splinter to do in the finale, but the twist of the bad guy actually seeking to release himself and his family from their never-ending torment was greatly appreciated. I do think TMNT might have benefitted from playing things a little safer and focusing on Karai’s revenge against the TMNT, but I appreciate that the filmmakers tried to do something new and make the most of the revised genre to deliver a fun, mature, and apparently under-rated return to form for the fightin’ mad mutant turtles.
My Rating:
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Great Stuff
Are you a fan of TMNT? How do you think the film holds up against the other TMNT films? Did you like the all-CGI format or do you prefer the live-action/CGI hybrid format of the previous films? What did you think to the fractured relationship between the TMNT? Did you enjoy seeing Raph operate as the Nightwatcher and go at it with Leo? What did you think to Winters and were you disappointed by the brief screen time of the thirteen monsters? Which of the TMNT is your favourite and why? How are you celebrating the TMNT’s debut this month? Whatever your thoughts on the TMNT, leave a comment down below or share your thoughts on my social media, and be sure to check out the other TMNT content across my site.
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