Author: Dr. K

Movie Night [K-Month]: King Kong (1976)

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In the absolutely bonkers science-fiction film Pacific Rim (del Toro, 2013), the monstrous Kaiju first attacked humanity on 10th August 2013, which was subsequently branded “K-DAY”. To celebrate this event, and giant monster movies, I’m dedicating every Sunday in August to one of cinema’s most prolific monsters: King Kong!

Released: 17 December 1976
Director: John Guillermin
Distributor: Paramount Pictures
Budget: $23 to 24 million
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Jessica Lange, Charles Grodin, Rick Baker/William Shepard/Peter Cullen, and René Auberjonois

The Plot:
Ruthless oil executive Fred S. Wilson (Grodin) discovers a primitive world ruled by the giant ape “Kong” (Baker/Cullen/Shepard). When the beast kidnaps beautiful castaway Dwan (Lange), stowaway primate palaeontologist Jack Prescott, (Bridges) tries to save her amidst Wilson’s plot to commercialise the creature.

The Background:
As hard as it may be to believe, it was nearly a hundred years ago that filmmaker, adventurer, and former World War I aviator Merian C. Cooper dreamed up the iconic visual of a giant gorilla ascending the Empire State Building and wowed audiences with King Kong (Cooper and Schoedsack, 1933), largely regarded as one of the most influential movies of all time. Amazingly, King Kong was followed by a sequel that very same year, though Son of Kong (Schoedsack, 1933) leaned more into comedy and largely divided critics. After a planned revival fell through in the 1960s, the concept and character were repurposed into a battle against Godzilla, much to Cooper’s displeasure, resulting in a profitable but divisive clash. After a stint in animation, King Kong returned to cinema screens for a loose tie-in, King Kong Escapes (Honda, 1967), a much-maligned entry that ended Toho’s brief stint with the legendary ape monster. About ten years later, the idea of a then-modern remake was pitched, though there are conflicting reports about who we have to thank for this: some say it was Michael Eisner and veteran producer Dino De Laurentiis, while De Laurentiis claims it was all his idea. Regardless, Paramount Pictures financed the project and De Laurentiis worked with screenwriter Lorenzo Semple Jr. to update the story to focus on the energy crisis and culminate at the World Trade Center. To save on costs, all dinosaurs were omitted and an elaborate suit, animatronic, and puppets were used in place of laborious stop-motion techniques. Special effect artist Carlo Rambaldi constructed an impressive £500,000 mechanical Kong that infamously failed to work when the cameras rolled, forcing the production to rely on what Rick Baker saw as an inferior suit. Thousands of onlookers flocked to the World Trade Center for the dramatic finale, many being paid to be extras, and an extended cut of the film was assembled for home media. King Kong was largely praised for revamping the original unorthodox love story and for its impressive practical effects, though it’s also been criticised for its janky editing and composition and its strange balance of humour and drama. Though De Laurentiis was disappointed by the film’s $90.6 million box office, a critically and commercially panned sequel followed ten years later and the franchise remained dormant until Peter Jackson’s big-budget remake in 2005.

The Review:
Though it’s narratively very similar to the classic 1933 original, this King Kong separates itself in a few ways to put a different spin on the formula. I don’t mind this so much as I’ve always argued that remakes should try to do something new with their properties rather than being shot-for-shot or beat-for-beat recreations. In this case, we’re not following an adventurous film crew and their misadventures on Skull Island, but instead Fred Wilson, executive of the childishly named Petrox Oil Company, who assembles a crew to sail to an uncharted island. Since Petrox has been in a slump and the world is facing an energy crisis – and competition from other oil and petrol sellers is high – Wilson is banking everything on claiming a hitherto-undiscovered oil reserve on the mysterious Skull Island. Thanks to paying off an unnamed official in Washington, D.C., Wilson obtains top secret satellite imagery of the island which, as his resident science expert Roy Bagley (Auberjonois) explains, reveals the landmass hidden by a thick and mysterious fog. Their data indicates that the island is rich in oil and other minerals and Wilson is determined to get his hands on it to turn Petrox’s fortunes around, though stowaway associate professor Jack Prescott offers another, far more sinister perspective on the island. Prescott talks of journals and other evidence indicating that the island is not only inhabited, but ruled over by some gigantic, unknowable beast and attempts to persuade Wilson of Skull Island’s dangers and to let him join the expedition out of sheer scientific curiosity. Believing he has the inside track on Skull Island, Wilson is naturally sceptical and accuses Prescott of being a spy from a rival oil company, ordering Captain Ross (John Randolph) to lock the troublemaker up and doing a deep dive into Prescott’s background to figure out who he is. When this only corroborates Jack’s story, Wilson reluctantly allows him to join the crew as their official photographer but, for a good while, the two seemingly reach a mutual respect, especially when leading their later rescue mission.

Wilson’s search for oil and Jack’s awkward romance are scuppered by a giant, horny ape!

This comes about when Wilson’s ship happens upon a stray life raft carrying beautiful aspiring actress Dwan, who was left adrift when her yacht  suddenly exploded. Dwan joins the crew as something of a mascot and a fancy, immediately catching Prescott’s eye and flirting with him, sharing her dreams of being a big star. While the romance angle was extremely rushed in the original film, I understood it as the film was much shorter and that was in keeping with the style at the time. Here, I’m not sure why Jack is so smitten with Dwan beyond her looks as she’s a bit of an airhead who wanders around with big doe eyes, chattering about her dreams, blabbering about how beautiful things are, completely oblivious to obvious dangers and being painfully naïve. Though she’s more likely to babble about her star sign than anything meaningful, it seems Prescott is captivated by her whimsical, carefree nature and he becomes very protective of her, as does the rest of the crew since she’s initially ordered to stay behind when they reach Skull Island. Instead, she accompanies the group and, predictably, observes the native’s rituals with a naïve wonder compared to Prescott’s more measured caution. When the tribe’s shaman (Keny Long) spots her, he immediately orders (in his native tongue) for her to be handed over as a sacrifice to their God, even offering six of the native women in return for Dwan, though both Prescott and Wilson naturally decline. This sees the natives kidnap Dwan in the dead of night and force her to be strung up as Kong’s latest bride and, like Prescott, Kong is immediately taken by the blonde-haired maiden. Dwan is helpless in Kong’s grasp, resorting to screaming and begging and then lashing out in fear and anger since she’s afraid of heights. Not wishing to anger the beast, whom she and Wilson believe intends to eat her, Dwan tries to soothe him with kind words, though her attempts to flee fail and she’s reduced to a mere damsel in distress. This gives Jack the chance to step up as he leads the rescue mission, exasperated by Wilson being more concerned with his oil (which turns out to still be gestating and thus unsuitable for mining), though he’s ultimately left to rescue Dwan alone when Kong kills most of the rescue party.

Though a king in his native land, Kong’s reduced to a wild animal by Wilson’s theatrics.

Since his plan has gone awry, Wilson comes up with a new plot to capture Kong and parade him around the United States as Petrox’s mascot. After calling in some supplies, he orders Captain Ross and his men to prepare an elaborate trap rather than send out a search party, digging a huge pit to chloroform the giant ape. While Kong’s busy battling a giant snake, Prescott grabs Dwan and bring her back to the native’s village. However, when the angered Kong pursues, he falls into Wilson’s trap and is soon being transported to America. The gas and lack of food and water take their toll on Kong, who sits heartbroken and throws a tantrum as they near the mainland, with his rage only soothed by Dwan. Once they reach America, Wilson turns from a greedy but otherwise reasonable man into a full-blown megalomaniac as he wins over Dwan by casting her in the lead role in Petrox’s new advertising campaign to recreate her time on Skull Island before the braying masses as Kong is held in chains. While Prescott initially signs on for this, his moral compass sees him reject the offer and urge Dwan to leave with him, but she’s so obsessed with being a star that she can’t turn Wilson down. While Dwan is terrified of Kong, she feels a great deal of sympathy for him and puts her life on the line to calm him when he threatens to sink the boat. Similarly, she begs Kong not to let her go in the finale so he’ll be spared death and even Jack is cheering Kong by the end after he’s double-crossed. Thanks to his extremely expressive face, Kong is more human and emotive than ever, showing great affection, pain, and anger as required. Though revered as a God by the natives, Prescott sees Kong as a unique species that needs to be preserved. He’s aware of the beast’s danger and desperate to get Dwan away from him, but constantly advocates for Kong to be left unharmed and is deeply disturbed when Wilson takes Kong from his homeland.

The Nitty-Gritty:
One of the things I love about the original King Kong is how it moves at a brisk pace and yet still showcases a lot of amazing effects and action. The romance subplot is hammy, for sure, but it’s all in good fun. Sadly, this King Kong suffers from a bloated runtime. It’s not as bad as the next remake, but the film chugs along at a snail’s pace, spending way too much time on the boat and trying to make us care about the blossoming attraction between Jack and Dwan. While Bridges and Lange have chemistry, Dwan’s portrayed as such a fickle and flighty bimbo that I find it hard to believe Jack could stand being with her beyond a quick bunk up. Hell, he even says to her (after she interrupts their desperate escape from Kong’s rampage for a drink) that she’d quickly grow bored of him since he can’t afford to keep her in the lifestyle she’s accustomed to. While she seems to genuinely deny this, I’m on Jack’s side here; Dwan would be seeking the next thrill after a month or two, for sure. I enjoyed Grodin’s bombastic performance as Wilson, who becomes quite affable during the second act but quickly descends into a spiteful villain who cares only about making a theatrical showcase of Kong. Having sacrificed many lives and shown a complete disregard for others, and Kong’s welfare (seriously, how did the big ape survive the trip back to America?), it’s only fitting that Wilson goes out in the stupidest way possible: running right into Kong and being crushed under his foot, despite him literally being able to flee in any direction! The natives don’t get much play here and disappear after sacrificing Dwan, but they’re portrayed as a stereotypical, primitive tribe who seek only to appease their God. They regularly repair the great wall to keep Kong out and send him women to satisfy his needs and Jack states that the tribe will most likely be disillusioned and downcast after they kidnap their deity.

While Kong is impressive, the effects don’t land or age as well as the ambitious original.

Though comprised of various real-world locations and elaborate sets, Skull Island isn’t as impressive as in the original film as this King Kong chooses not to have dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures on the island. Indeed, the only other giant creature is a massive snake that Kong awkwardly wrestles with, which is a shame as I would’ve much rather seen more time spent exploring the island’s dangers than trapped on the boat with these assholes. Skull Island’s threat is thus in its landscape, which is comprised of a thick jungle and deep chasms and Kong who, despite his obnoxiously loud roar and thundering footsteps, can apparently sneak up out of nowhere and send Jack’s rescue party plummeting from their log bridge. As you’d expect, Kong is the film’s most impressive aspect and the suit really does look amazing. Kong towers over the miniatures and has a far greater range of movement than stop motion can provide, though he looks janky and awkward when briefly substituted for a robotic duplicate or filmed against rear projection. There’s obviously a lot of that (and forced perspective) here and it hasn’t aged as well as the black and white original, which gets more slack due to being limited by the technology of the time. Here, it’s painfully obvious when a giant Kong hand is holding Dwan before a projection of Kong and when Kong is smashing through miniatures. To be fair, these look far more impressive during Kong’s rampage through New York City, where he overturns a train and terrorises the public, though he looks extremely ungainly when climbing the World Trade Center. Kong’s most impressive feature is his highly expressive face, which sees him gaze upon Dwan with lovesick eyes, glare at people when they shoot him, and illicit a great deal of sympathy when trapped on the ship or suffering mortal wounds. Kong’s definitely more human than in the original, standing upright and lumbering about like a man, though the little head tilts and constant roaring tie into his animal side, as does his confusion and rage when surrounded by the unfamiliar sights and sounds of New York City.

Kong’s rampage is tragically ended in spectacularly gory fashion!

Remarkably, despite being unprepared for Skull Island’s true danger and having lost the chance to rape its oil deposits, Wilson snatches victory from the jaws of defeat by hastily trapping Kong. Being drugged, malnourished, and separated from his land and new love seems to physically drain Kong, allowing him to be chained up in a seemingly inescapable cage and paraded before the masses amidst Petrox’s massive billboards. However, Kong’s rage is stoked when reporters rush Dwan and push her about, giving him the strength to break free and rum amok, crushing people under his feet and terrorising the streets in his pursuit of her. While Jack gets Dwan to safety, she randomly demands a drink, sure that the river will deter the ape, and is naturally snatched by Kong when he simply wades through the water without issue. Luckily for Dwan, Prescott intuits that Kong will be drawn to the World Trade Center since the Twin Towers resemble a rock formation on Skull Island. Though Jack barters with the city officials to take Kong alive, he’s immediately double-crossed when soldiers shoot flamethrowers at Kong. Though unable to reach the roof of the South Tower, Jack’s even more helpless when Kong leaps to the North Tower, kills his assailants, and is approached by three attack choppers. Though the pilot (George Whiteman) orders his men not to fire with Dwan in the ape’s hand, Kong seemingly recognises the threat and accepts his fate, placing the aghast Dwan on the roof and prepares to face his attackers. While Kong does take a couple of the choppers down when they fly a little too close, he’s basically dead meat the moment they fire their massive chain guns. It’s honestly disturbing seeing bloody chunks and spray fly from Kong’s chest, neck, and belly and seeing his fur matted by gore, his breathing becoming more laboured and his screams more anguished as he’s riddled by seemingly explosive bullets. In the end, the assault is too much and Kong collapses first to the roof and then to the ground below. As reporters clamber on his prone body and Dwan desperately tries to comfort him, Kong’s heart slowly beats to a stop. The masses celebrate, jostling Dwan about and trying to snap her picture, all while a despondent Jack looks on, unable (and seemingly unwilling) to reach her.

The Summary:
This is the King Kong I grew up with. As a kid, I remember being awestruck by the Kong suit, which still holds up really well and is a fantastic way to give Kong more movement and expression than stop-motion or animatronics. While he lacks a lot of the charm of the original and doing a man-in-a-suit might seem a bit cheap, Kong is still incredibly impressive, especially his emotions and face, and he’s only let down by some dodgy rear projection and questionable performances. I didn’t mind Jeff Bridges here, he took the lead pretty well and seemed very charismatic, but he had more chemistry with Charles Grodin than Jessica Lange. Dwan is one of the weakest aspects of the film, being a shallow and wholly uninteresting character who seems too fickle and flighty for Jack to waste his time on. Wilson was great as a bombastic, greedy antagonist who takes any opportunity to turn his fortunes around. Sadly, King Kong is a slog to watch, with the film dragging on and offering little but a dull romance sub-plot and actors fumbling about on a jungle set. Things pick up in the finale but, by then, I wouldn’t blame you if you’d tapped out from boredom as the film lacks the magic of the original and doesn’t pace out its set pieces well. It’s a shame as I have fond memories of this one from my childhood but this King Kong is tough to rewatch, despite how unsettling the ending is and its ambitious suit effects.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Have you ever seen the this 1976 remake of King Kong? If so, did you like it and how do you think it compares against the original and other King Kongs? What did you think to the suit effects and animatronics? Were you disappointed we didn’t get more giant monsters on Skull Island? Did you also find the film boring at times? What did you think to the changes it made to the original? Which version of Kong is your favourite and how are you celebrating K-Day this month? Whatever your thoughts on King Kong, Kaiju, or monster movies in general, leave a comment below, support me on Ko-Fi, and go check out my other King Kong and Kaiju content!

Wrestling Recap: Rock vs. Lesnar (SummerSlam ’02)

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The Date: 25 August 2002
The Venue: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum; Uniondale, New York
The Commentary: Michael Cole and Tazz
The Referee: Mike Chioda
The Stakes: Singles match for the Undisputed Championship

The Build-Up:
By 2002, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) was in a state of flux. After their main rival, World Championship Wrestling (WCW), went out of business and the company was purchased by Vince McMahon, an ill-fated “Invasion” angle saw WCW superstars appear on World Wrestling Federation (WWF) programming. Once this storyline was abruptly ended, the WWF was legally forced to rebrand as WWE and, to keep the spirit of competition alive, the first-ever “brand split” occurred. This meant WWE Superstars and championship belts would be exclusive to either Raw or SmackDown!, with each brand favouring a different presentation (Raw focused more on storylines while SmackDown! focused on in-ring wrestling). Despite this, there was still one top prize in the company, the WWE Undisputed Championship, which “The People’s Champion”, the Rock, had captured the previous month. In a first for the WWE, the Rock’s SummerSlam challenger was decided at the annual King of the Ring tournament, which was won by newcomer Brock Lesnar. Debuting the night after WrestleMania X-8 and embarking on a tear, the monstrous Lesnar was an accomplished amateur wrestler and champion who quickly made a name for himself by decimating his opponents. Coined “The Next Big Thing” by his agent, Paul Heyman, Lesnar went unpinned following his debut and even made short work of the legendary Hulk Hogan on his path to the championship. After winning the King of the Ring, Lesnar immediately targeted the Rock, interfering in his matches and engaging in brawls, and much of the build-up for the match emphasised the training and conditioning the two were undergoing in preparation for it.

The Match:
I remember when Brock Lesnar first debuted, decimating opponents with powerbombs and his sick-ass F-5. At the time, I was somewhat unimpressed; he just looked like a generic big guy, after all. He rarely spoke (and, when he did, he sounded awful), and he didn’t have the same aura or charisma as, say, Batista, who debuted around the same time. Yet, I remember being very surprised when Lesnar won the King of the Ring and was catapulted to this main event match and I have to at least give the WWE credit for actually trying to push new stars in the main event scene. While the audience was in relative awe of Lesnar during his entrance, the Rock’s initial pop was soon joined by a chorus of boos since everyone knew he was leaving to film The Scorpion King (Russell, 2002). Yet, undeterred, the Rock sprinted out to kick off a slugfest with his monstrous young challenger. With the crowd chanting “Rocky sucks!”, Lesnar shut down the Rock’s flurry with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex and repeated backbreakers, scoring a couple of two counts. Targeting the Rock’s already injured ribs, Lesnar repeatedly drove his shoulder into the Rock’s gut in the corner and then punted him out of the ring, where Heyman landed a cheap shot to the champion. Lesnar followed, knocking the Rock over the barricade and muscling him into it before the braying crowd. Back in the ring, Lesnar landed an overhead throw for another two count and Heyman tripped the Rock as he mounted a comeback, leading to the champion being stomped and choked on the canvas. A powerslam shut down another Rock comeback, who continued to be berated by the extremely vocal crowd as Lesnar worked the ribs. This eventually cost him when the Rock caused Lesnar to hit the ring post and, after both leapt to their feet and Lesnar challenged the Rock to knock him down, the Rock scored his first two count off a DDT. The Rock decked Heyman and then tied Lesnar into a Sharpshooter (to a sea of boos), but Heyman tossed a chair into the ring. With the referee distracted, Lesnar drove the chair into the Rock’s injured ribs and slapped on the bearhug that “retired” Hulk Hogan. Much to the chagrin of the crowd, the Rock fought out of the hold, hitting a low blow when the referee was distracted (to yet more boos!)

Lesnar’s dominating performance saw the monstrous youngster capture his first WWE Championship.

Lesnar quickly recovered, though, muscling the Rock into the corner, only to get dropped by a massive clothesline and smacked out of the ring. Visibly pissed by the crowd’s apathy and boos, the Rock tore apart the Spanish announce table, slamming Heyman face-first into it and absolutely launching Lesnar into the ring post! This gave the Rock the chance to hit a Rock Bottom on Paul Heyman through the announce table before tossing Lesnar back into the ring to hit another Rock Bottom. However, Lesnar kicked out at two, much to the delight of the crowd and the astonishment of the champion. Lesnar then surprised the Rock by suddenly hitting his own Rock Bottom (or “Brock Bottom”, as Tazz coined it) for another near fall! The Rock then countered an Irish whip, hit with a spinebuster, and prepared to hit the People’s Elbow…only for Lesnar to spring up and whip him out with a clothesline. However, the Rock slipped free when Lesnar went for his patented F-5 and tried for the Rock Bottom twice more. Each time, Lesnar fought back, but the second time saw him scoop the Rock up and annihilate him with the F-5! And, just like that, Brock Lesnar became the youngest WWE Champion in history, much to the adulation of the crowd, who showered the Rock with boos and insults. This was a decent enough match that told a very simple story of the fired-up veteran being absolutely dominated by his young, upstart challenger. The Rock showed no fear, constantly fighting out of the challenger’s holds, but was no match for Lesnar’s pure power. There was a story here about how the Rock’s veteran instincts weren’t to be counted out, but it wasn’t played into much since he spent most of the match on the receiving end of a beatdown. The most interesting thing, for me, is the crowd completely turning on the Rock, to the point where he was clearly annoyed by their jeers. When he tried to do a speech after the match, the crowd absolutely tore him apart, leading to him washing his hands of them.

The Aftermath:
As mentioned, the Rock left the WWE for about six months to film The Scorpion King, so he never got a rematch with Brock Lesnar for the title. In fact, the two never fought again in a televised match and, when the Rock did return, it was as an arrogant Hollywood superstar heel. Lesnar’s win meant the WWE Undisputed Championship became exclusive to the SmackDown! brand, leading to the belt being rechristened the WWE Championship. Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff repurposed the WCW Championship as the WWE World Heavyweight Championship for Triple H, kicking off his “reign of terror” with the belt. As for Lesnar, he spent the next few months defending the belt against the Undertaker, leading to a brutal and dominant Hell in the Cell victory at No Mercy, and Edge, before being screwed out of the championship when Paul Heyman turned on him in favour of the Big Show at Survivor Series. Lesnar would turn face in the aftermath, regain the belt (and suffer a nasty concussion) at WrestleMania XIX, and spent most of 2003 feuding with Kurt Angle. He eventually turned heel again and realigned with Paul Heyman before finally dropping the belt to Eddie Guerrero and eventually leaving the WWE in controversial fashion.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

What did you think to the generational clash between the Rock and Brock Lesnar? Were you impressed by Lesnar back then? What did you think to Lesnar’s dominating performance? Were you surprised that the crowd turned on the Rock? What did you think to Lesnar’s first run in the WWE? Which SummerSlam match or event is your favourite? Whatever your thoughts on Rock vs. Lesnar, and SummerSlam, leave a comment below, support me on Ko-Fi, and be sure to check out my other wrestling content across the site.

Back Issues [Spidey Month]: The Amazing Spider-Man #6

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Easily Marvel Comics’ most recognisable superhero, unsuspecting teenage nerd Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and learned the meaning of power and responsibility in August 1962. Since then, the Amazing Spider-Man has featured in cartoons, movies, videogames, and countless comic books. To coincide with his day of celebration, I’m dedicating every Monday of August to everyone’s favourite web-head!

Story Title: “Face-to-Face with… the Lizard!”
Published: 8 August 1963 (cover-dated: November 1963)
Writer: Stan Lee
Artist: Steve Ditko

The Background:
After finding success with the Fantastic Four, Marvel editor and head writer Stan Lee dreamed up teenage superhero Peter Parker/Spider-Man, whose Amazing Fantasy debut became a best seller for Marvel Comics. Spider-Man’s subsequent popularity saw him headline numerous comics, including partnering with other, less mainstream superheroes in Marvel Team-Up, and amass perhaps the most colourful and memorable rogues gallery in all of comics. Doctor Curtis “Curt” Connors/The Lizard first appeared in the sixth issue of Spidey’s long-running Amazing Spider-Man book, courtesy of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. Like many of Spider-Man’s villains, the Lizard was a tragic victim of science gone wrong and very much in the same vein as Doctor Henry Jekyll and Mister Edward Hyde: a seemingly normal man who underwent a horrific mental and physical transformation due to science. Spidey’s relationship with Dr. Connors became a complicated one, with the two often working together to try and cure the scientist or figure out solutions to Spidey’s latest drama, and them desperately trying to keep the doctor’s condition a secret from his family. Though he’s threatened to turn all of New York City’s inhabitants into lizards and even regressed into a monstrous form, the Lizard has turned towards the light before, though he’s primarily used as a low-tier supervillain in Spidey videogames. The Lizard has also featured in Spider-Man’s animated ventures. Most notably, he featured in the first episode of the 1990’s Spider-Man cartoon (Richardson, 1994) and later helped Spider-Man in the cartoon’s Secret Wars (Shooter et al, 1984 to 1985) adaptation. While we never got to see Dr. Connors (Dylan Baker) become the Lizard in Sam Raimi’s films, the Lizard was the main villain in The Amazing Spider-Man (Webb, 2012). While his design was heavily criticised, Rhys Ifans returned to voice the character nearly ten years later, and the Lizard is generally seen as one of Spidey’s more under-rated villains.

The Review:
Our story opens in “the murky swamps of Florida’s everglades”, where a group of…well, I assume they’re tourists but one of them has a gun so maybe they’re poachers? Or perhaps they just have a well-prepared tour guide? It’s hard to tell and ultimately inconsequential. Anyway, a group of men are suddenly attacked by a giant, man-sized lizard in purple trousers and a lab coat. As if the sight of a six-foot lizard wasn’t shocking enough, the creature speaks (and quite eloquently, too), voicing rage and displeasure at the men for venturing into his swamp. After proving bulletproof, the Lizard causes the trespassers to flee by uprooting a massive tree and waving it about in a threatening manner. Further reports of additional encounters and attacks soon spread, leading the locals to avoid the swamplands and live in fear of the man-lizard in the region. The news is so astonishing that it even reaches the streets of New York, courtesy of the Daily Bugle, whose editor, the miserly J. Jonah Jameson, wastes no time using his publication to challenge Spider-Man to defeat the Lizard. Though he scoffs at the headline, Spider-Man reasons that he might be able to convince Jonah to send him to Florida to snap some pictures of the Lizard. However, Jonah shoots him down, primarily because he believes the whole thing’s a hoax anyway (making me question why he’d risk the Daily Bugle’s reputation printing the headline). Though dejected, Peter heads to the Natural History Museum to brush up on his lizard knowledge. During a lecture on dinosaur anatomy, Peter’s spider-sense alerts him to two thieves, who he quickly subdues, and he’s so bolstered by his actions that he decides to approach Jonah in his masked identity. Spider-Man humiliates Jonah in his office and accepts his challenge, but on the caveat that Jonah sends a photographer to capture the fight, however Peter’s plan backfires somewhat when Jonah insists on tagging along! After saying his farewells to his doting Aunt May, Peter takes his mind off the uncomfortable plane ride by researching Dr. Connors, a lizard expert in the Everglades who he tags as a possible source.

After hearing of Dr. Connors’ tragic fate, Spidey works to find a cure and stop his monstrous rampage.

After ditching Jonah, Peter checks out the swamp-like Everglades and is ambushed by the Lizard! Dragged underwater and nearly drowned, the web-slinger’s reflexes are all that save him from a swipe from the monster’s tail, though the Lizard proves to be as strong as he is fast as he sends the youngster flying with a flick of the appendage! Convinced that he needs more intel, Spidey drops by Dr. Connors’ house and finds his wife, Martha, in tears. She not only reveals that her husband is the Lizard but also fills Spidey in on the whole backstory. A former surgeon, Dr. Connors was forced to retire after losing an arm “during the War” and became obsessed with the unique regenerative properties of lizards. Hoping to not only regrow his arm but also help countless others, Dr. Connors worked tireless in his experiments, fully supported by his loving wife and awestruck son, Billy. After many months, Dr. Connors synthesised a serum from lizard DNA and successfully tested it on a rabbit. Emboldened by this, Dr. Connors wasted no time and downed the solution and, after a brief spot of agony, was delighted when his arm grew back! Unfortunately, his elation quickly turned to horror as he transformed into a hideous, half-human lizard. Although the monstrous Dr. Connors returned to try and reverse the process, his mind quickly degenerated and, with the last vestiges of his humanity, he begged Martha to get herself and Billy to safety. However, some trace of Dr. Connors obviously still remains in the Lizard as Martha’s story is interrupted by Billy being accosted by the creature outside. After getting Billy to safety, Spider-Man fights the Lizard again, this time noting the creature’s tough, dinosaur-like armour plating and ability to snap his webs! When Martha rushes to Billy, the Lizard flees in horror and Spidey spends the next few hours going through the doctor’s notes to try and create a cure.

Spidey endures the Lizard’s assault and cures Dr. Connors, but gets screwed by Jonah.

Thanks to his scientific acumen, Spider-Man is successful and, right on cue, the Lizard attacks the lab. Overwhelmed by the creature’s speed, ferocity, and incredible strength, Spider-Man is beaten unconscious, allowing the Lizard to retrieve his serum to empower the local lizards in a mad plot to conquer the Earth. With no time to call for help and no choice but to pursue, Spidey whips up a pair of “web swamp-shoes” and goes paddling through the stream into the Lizard’s territory, pondering how he’s going to subdue the Lizard without harming Dr. Connors. Reaching an abandoned fort, Spider-Man spots the Lizard monologing to a congregation of alligators, who listen intently and obey his every command, attacking Spider-Man when instructed and forcing the hero to scale the fort’s tower to escape. Determined to keep the Lizard distracted, Spider-Man throws webs and his quick wit at the creature and stays on the move, eventually trapping them both within the fort. When the Lizard pursues him up the walls, Spidey makes a desperate gamble and plunges to the ground, tackling the Lizard in mid-air and forcing the antidote down his throat. Spidey is stunned by the Lizard’s powerful tail and left powerless but, just as the Lizard moves to strike, the antidote takes effect. In a few panels, the Lizard’s transformation regresses and Dr. Connors returns, human and sane again (though still missing an arm) to reunite with his family. After Dr. Connors vows to destroy his research, Spidey takes pity on him and promises to keep his secret, much to their relief. In the aftermath, Jameson destroys the photos Peter brings him, convinced the Lizard was all made up and the trip was a waste. He therefore refuses to pay Peter, adds the cost of the trip to his bill and, to make matters worse, Peter’s shot down by Elizabeth “Liz” Allen since she’s got the hots for Spider-Man!

The Summary:
It’s always funny to me to look back at these old stories and see these now-iconic and nuanced villains treated as simple, run-of-the-mill, monthly issues for our favourite web-spinner. “Face-to-Face with… the Lizard!” has a bit more meat on its bones than some stories from back then thanks to Dr. Connors’ tragic origin story, but it’s still full of a few blunders. I’m not the biggest fan of these single issues wasting time on Peter’s supporting cast and this issue definitely does that with Peter’s visit to the museum. It makes sense for him to brush up on his lizard knowledge, but he visits the dinosaur exhibit, which isn’t really the same thing, and later gets exposition from Martha so this feels like a waste. Sure, we get to see Spidey in action but I feel those panels could’ve been used to add to his later fights with the Lizard. And, yes, we see Eugene “Flash” Thompson and Liz Allen there and that ties into Peter’s ongoing social angst, but he also flirts with Jonah’s secretary, Betty Brant, so I do feel some reshuffling could’ve been done. The worst example, though, is the whole side plot with Jonah tagging along. He doesn’t factor into the story at all except as a bookend so it seems like a waste of time to have him go to Florida. It’s not like we cut away from the main story to see him searching for Peter, arguing with hotel staff, or trying to prove the Lizard is a hoax. He just belittles Peter, laughs at the idea of a man-lizard despite printing headlines about it, then disregards the photographic evidence and vows to make Peter reimburse him. I definitely think Jonah should’ve been taken out or reduced or had some significance to the plot if he was gonna be there. Perhaps he could’ve gotten involved in the Spidey/Lizard fight and the story would end with another outrageous headline claiming Spider-Man is in cahoots with the Lizard. As it is, it feels like unnecessary padding to add to the page count.

Despite some colourful battles, the story and its plot felt very rushed and didn’t live up to its potential.

This is a shame at the best of times but particularly disappointing considering the unique tragic backstory of the Lizard. While we get a decent insight into this thanks to Martha, freeing up panels and page space could’ve gone into more detail about his accident, his drive to help similarly disabled people, and his loving relationship with his family. It also could’ve added to the Lizard’s fights with Spider-Man, which felt very rushed. I was hoping we’d see Spidey out of his element in the swamp and therefore at a disadvantage because of the trees, murky water, and aggressive wildlife and, while these elements are briefly touched upon, it’s nowhere near as in-depth as I’d expect. The fights aren’t given much time to breathe; the Lizard boasts of his superior strength and speed and demonstrates it, but it doesn’t have the impact I’d expect. It’s as though everything’s rushing along rather than having a more natural pace. I liked that Peter scientific acumen was put to the test but find it awfully convenient that he whipped up an antidote in a few hours. The reveal that the Lizard can command alligators was fun but underutilised; again, we could’ve had a few more panels of Spidey tangling with the ‘gators to add to the tension. The serum the Lizard steals disappears, never to be seen again; the Lizard’s said to be a ruthless and animalistic creature but he’s incredible articulate and calculating; and, while the idea that Spidey had to be careful not to harm Dr. Connors had legs, I never felt like there was a danger of that since Spidey couldn’t penetrate the Lizard’s hide and had a magic antidote to cure him. Everything’s very colourful, at least, and I liked seeing Spider-Man in a new environment. I also dug the tragedy of the Lizard and that Spidey took pity on him rather than bringing him to the authorities, especially as Dr. Connors didn’t really hurt anyone. However, I don’t think this is all it could’ve been and it felt very rushed and nonsensical at times. That might not be surprising given the rate Marvel were pumping out stories back then, but it is disappointing and hurt my enjoyment of this issue.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

What are your thoughts on the Lizard’s debut? Are you a fan of the character and, if so, what are some of your favourite Lizard stories? Did you also think the whole Jonah side plot was a waste of time? What did you think to the Lizard’s tragic backstory and his plot to conquer the world with lizards? Were you also disappointed with the pacing of the story? Which of the Lizard’s appearances outside of the comics is your favourite? Feel free to leave your thoughts on the Lizard below, support me on Ko-Fi, and be sure to check out my other Spider-Man content.

Movie Night: The Fantastic Four: First Steps

Dr. K3 Comments

Released: 25 July 2025
Director: Matt Shakman
Distributor: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Budget: $200 million
Stars: Pedro Pascal, Vanessa Kirby, Joseph Quinn, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Julia Garner, and Ralph Ineson

The Plot:
On a 1960s-inspired retro-futuristic parallel Earth, the celebrated superpowered adventures, the Fantastic Four, are called to save the world when a mysterious silver entity (Garner) heralds the arrival of the planet-consuming Galactus (Ineson).

The Background:
Considering the controversy behind the creation of Marvel’s dysfunctional First Family of superheroes, it’s poetic that Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s colourful adventurers have had some ups and downs on the big screen. German producer Bernd Eichinger’s first attempt at an adaptation saw the production shut down and the negatives confiscated, Tim Story’s efforts were modest successes met with mixed reviews, and Josh Trank’s gritty reboot was a universally panned box office flop. 20th Century Fox thus quietly removed a sequel from their slate and the characters became the property of Marvel Studios when Disney purchased 20th Century Fox in 2017, eventually leading to a new reboot set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). MCU head honcho Kevin Feige was excited to do the characters justice and Jon Watts was initially tapped to direct, before stepping away from superhero films and being replaced by Matt Shakman, who was attracted to the sci-fi elements and family dynamic. Although John Krasinski and Chris Evans portrayed variants of Doctor Reed Richards/Mister Fantastic and Johnny Storm/The Human Torch in the MCU, Pedro Pascal took over as Reed after an extensive search and Joseph Quinn took on Johnny. The filmmakers went to great lengths to find the perfect actress for Susan Storm/The Invisible Woman, attracted mindless bigots by featuring the Shalla-Bal incarnation of the Silver Surfer, and surprised audiences by including Galactus right away. Pitched as a retro-futuristic family drama, the film chose to gloss over the team’s origin and utilise practical effects wherever possible, leading to star Ralph Ineson being fitted into a fully practical armoured suit to portray the world-devourer. Alongside a box office gross of over $470 million, The Fantastic Four: First Steps broke the trend of its predecessors by being widely praised. Reviews praised that the film jumped right into the action with a pre-established team, the unique setting of the movie, and the riveting performances by the lead actors.

The Review:
In keeping with the whole “Multiverse Saga” the MCU was going through at the time, The Fantastic Four: First Steps takes place on an alternative version of Earth, Earth-828, a world that’s essentially a live-action version of The Jetsons (1962 to 1963; 1985 to 1987). This world is very much trapped in the swinging sixties, but with a super fun sci-fi twist. Flying cars are everywhere and the Fantastic Four’s Baxter Building is kitted out with all sorts of funky, throwback tech, including their adorable and much appreciate robot helper, Humanoid Experimental Robot B-Type Integrated Electronics/H.E.R.B.I.E. (Matthew Wood). This world doesn’t seem to have any superheroes apart from the titular team, who are so beloved and world renowned that they’ve monopolised space travel and saved the world countless times from the likes of the sadly excised Ivan Kragoff/Red Ghost (John Malkovich) and the maniacal Harvey Elder/Mole Man (Paul Walter Hauser). The Fantastic Four are more than just superheroes, though; they’re celebrities and even politicians, establishing the “Future Foundation” to share their knowledge with other world leaders and broker peace dealers while also hosting science programmes and advertising products. In a welcome change of pace, their origin is largely glossed over with a montage: four years ago, Doctor Reed Richards (Pascal) led his wife, Susan Storm (Kirby), her hotshot brother Johnny (Quinn), and ace pilot Benjamin “Ben” Grimm (Moss-Bachrach) on a space expedition and, due to an unforeseen event, the group were forever changed by cosmic radiation. In another nice change of pace, the team has been active for four years at the start of the film and well acclimatised to both their powers and their celebrity status. Thus, while it’s clear Mister Fantastic still carries a lot of guilt for his friend’s transformation into a gruesome rock-thing (and it’s implied this is why the team hasn’t returned to space since their ill-fated voyage), Ben has accepted his appearance and is a cherished national treasure.

The dynamic between the team is not only at the forefront, but better and richer than ever before.

As the team live in the limelight, it’s no surprise that the world is deeply invested in the Invisible Woman’s surprise pregnancy, an event that brings Reed much joy but also sees his over analytical brain kick into overdrive babyproofing the building and running countless tests to ensure their baby hasn’t been negatively affected by their mutated DNA. This concern also comes from a place of guilt (he clearly worries his mistakes may harm Sue and the baby) but also doubt as he finds himself out of his depth concerning fatherhood and Reed, being the smartest man alive, is thrown off when he doesn’t know all the answers. The Human Torch and the Thing delight in ribbing Reed about this, which is just one way First Steps perfectly captures the spirit of these characters being more than a team: they’re a family. Rather than Johnny being a mean-spirited prankster or an egotistical skirt-chaser, he’s seen to be surprisingly smart in his won right, approaching problems from a different angle and figuring out a way to communicate with the implacable Shalla-Bal/Silver Surfer when she comes heralding the destruction of the world. While Johnny and Ben bicker at times, it’s nowhere near as hostile as in previous films and is very light-hearted, with Johnny giving backhanded compliments about Ben’s rock beard that see him rock the unconventional look. The group has fantastic chemistry together, with Reed and Sue working perfectly as a duo and yet still butting heads when contemplating Galactus’s outrageous demands. Nowhere is the team’s dynamic more apparent than when they take the Excelsior into space to confront Galactus and work in harmony to guide and maintain the ship. Later, they work in unison to collaborate with the world’s governments on defence plans, though they constantly underestimate Johnny and are therefore stunned when he figures out the Silver Surfer’s native tongue and attempts to parlay with her.

When the Silver Surfer heralds Galactus, the team desperately try to find solutions to the threat.

The Fantastic Four’s elation at their pending arrival is dashed when the Silver Surfer suddenly arrives to warn the planet of its eventual destruction at the hands of Galactus. While immediately smitten by the stoic, metallic alien, Johnny tirelessly goes over recordings to learn her origin and try to save the world from another angle. With the world under threat, Reed reluctantly agrees to refit the Excelsior and utilise his faster-than-light technology to get intel on Galactus, assuring the world that they will confront and defeat the treat as ever. Despite Sue being heavily pregnant, she joins them for the jaunt, arriving in time to see a faraway world decimated by Galactus’s titanic world-breaker. The Silver Surfer greets them and dispassionately allows them to converse with her master, easily evading their futile attacks and chasing them through a wormhole when they flee following Galactus’s demands, yet she vehemently defends her master when the team oppose him. It’s only when Johnny reminds her of her tragic past and the bargain she made with Galactus, and the countless lives she’s ended in serving him, that the Silver Surfer is taken off the board (no pun intended). Rather than being some stupid space cloud or shying away from his outrageous appearance, Galactus is a towering, God-like celestial being who is intrigued by the Fantastic Four’s curiosity and bravery but nonetheless determined to devour their world since he’s driven by an insatiable hunger. However, Galactus offers to spare the Earth if the four hand over Sue’s child. Franklin (Various/Ada Scott), whom the world-eater sees is a being of such vast cosmic power that he could be his successor. Naturally, Sue and the others strongly reject this offer, causing the world to turn against them since they refuse to sacrifice one life for billions. While Sue is outraged that Reed would even consider the possibility of acquiescing, he steadfastly refuses to entertain the idea, and she eventually placates the masses with the promise that the team will do whatever it takes to fend off the looming threat.

The Nitty-Gritty:
I was surprised to find that First Steps is sent entirely on Earth-828 and that the team appear to be natives of this world. I suspected that they would’ve been trapped there somehow and even speculated that they’d fail to save their world and be driven to the mainstream MCU by the end. Instead, the Fantastic Four inhabit this retro sci-fi world and act is its guardians and leaders, with the Thing exchanging pleasantries with the Yancy Street locals, Sue acting as a diplomat, Johnny being a poser boy, and Reed teaching science. This world has become so reliant on the fantastic Four that they’re almost powerless without them as they dictate politics and defend the masses from numerous supervillains. The world is thus amazed to learn that the team couldn’t defeat Galactus and turn to anger and resentment when a shellshocked Reed makes the bizarre choice to tell them of Galactus’s demands. This raises many ethical and moral quandaries that the film briefly touches upon, with the public largely calling for Franklin to be sacrificed and the team desperately exploring other options. Reed finds himself at a loss to think of alternative plans but ultimately embraces the uncertainty about Franklin’s destiny and fatherhood, taking inspiration from Sue’s speech to adapt his teleportation technology in a desperate bid to move the Earth. This sees the second act of the film emulate classic doomsday movies as the team scramble to assemble giant devices and conserve energy to enact the plan, only for it to be immediately undone when the besmirched Silver Surfer returns from a black hole and wrecks their toys. I love seeing Reed’s hopeless desperation as he struggles to conjure up the formulas to present alternatives, and that Ben and Johnny remained optimistic, searching for other ways to defend themselves and eager to take the fight to Galactus if necessary.

For the first time, these bizarre characters were done justice in live-action.

Though it’s a shame the Fantastic Four aren’t based in the mainstream MCU, this unique world allows them to take centre stage and steal the show. For the first time since the 1994 movie, the team have been ripped right out of the comic books, sporting throwback outfits that appear functional and comfortable. While I usually prefer practical suits wherever possible, the Thing has never looked better, perfectly emulating Jack Kirby’s art style and sporting some nifty threads throughout the film (including his iconic trenchcoat and hat). While First Steps largely deals with the interpersonal drama between the team and preparing for Galactus’s arrival, they do get a chance to shine in fun montages, including a recreation of their first appearance and numerous good deeds. Of all the team, Sue really impressed here. Not only was she a strong-willing and believable matriarch and team member, but she displayed some awesome feats of power, being so desperate to protect Franklin that she threw even mighty Galactus off-balance. Sue’s powers are represented wonderfully here, appearing as shimmering tricks of light rather than cartoonish bubbles or blue aura, while Johnny’s flame effects also looked better than ever. Reed was a little short-changed as his stretching powers are used sparingly, but his genius intellect and leadership skills were emphasised instead. Reed is a little awkward and analytical at times, but he also isn’t afraid to tackle Galactus when diplomacy fail, strategically targeting vents on the giant’s back to slow him down and get his attention. Reed’s smarts also enable the construction of the main generators the team initially hope to use to teleport Earth to safety, led to the creation of the versatile H.E.R.B.I.E., and see the team fly around in a super sleek modified Firebird IV. However, it was Galactus that caused me to smile from ear to ear as we finally got to see him in all his glory and watching him nonchalantly stride through the streets of New York City, absently swatting away the Fantastic Four’s attacks, was like seeing Alex Ross’s beautiful artwork come to life.

After refusing Galactus’s demands, the team pushes their fantastic abilities to the limit to fend him off.

Desperate to come up with a solution that doesn’t involve handing their newborn son over to a cosmic being, Reed hits upon the idea of co-ordinating the world’s resources into building teleporter relays to get the Earth to safety. When the Silver Surfer destroys all but one of these and flees after being grief-stricken by the Human Torch, Sue begrudgingly agrees to use Franklin as bait and the team enact a risky plan to first convince the Mole Man to shelter the city’s inhabitants and then lure Galactus onto the teleporter pad and send him to parts unknown. At first, the plan works: Galactus heads to baby Franklin despite the obvious signs of a trap, barely registering when the team attack him. Thanks to Sue’s forcefield, Johnny temporarily blinds Galactus, allowing Franklin to be switched for a decoy. Right at the last second, almighty Galactus senses something’s wrong and reacquires his target, easily snatching Franklin from the Baxter Building and finally readying himself to be free of his cursed existence. In a fit of motherly rage, Sue unleashes her full power upon Galactus, restraining him long enough for Reed to rescue the baby and then overexerting herself to force Galactus into the teleporter. When Galactus attempts to reemerge in a rage, Johnny prepares to sacrifice himself for his family, only for the Silver Surfer to take his place, determined to atone for presumably eons of death caused by her master. Though Galactus and the Silver Surfer are teleported away, Sue’s efforts prove fatal and, despite Reed’s desperate attempts, she dies on the street. However, it turns out Franklin really does have some cosmic significance as his mere touch brings Sue back to life, much to the relief of her family. Although the team is uncertain what the future holds for Franklin, they resolve to face it together and spend the next four years raising him as a normal boy, only for Sue to be shocked when a cloaked, iron-masked figure (Robert Downey Jr.) suddenly appears before the boy in the mid-credits sequence…

The Summary:
I was really looking forward to The Fantastic Four: First Steps and the team’s introduction to the MCU, having previously speculated on casting and the direction the film should go. While the movie obviously went in a very different direction, I think this was for the best as it allowed the movie to be solely focused on the team, their relationship with each other, and how they react to the crisis at hand. The retro sci-fi aesthetic of Earth-828 resulted in a unique visual treat, one that expertly brings Jack Kirby’s characteristic art to life while also showcasing the Fantastic Four’s incredible powers.  was surprised, maybe even sceptical, when Galactus was chosen as the antagonist, but I was so happy to finally see him brought to life with near-perfect fidelity to the source material. Depicted as a somewhat tragic and apathetic force of nature, Galactus simply is and I really enjoyed how disinterested he was in “little people”, at least until he senses Franklin’s awesome potential. The sense of scale given to Galactus was honestly awe-inspiring and terrifying and it was super fitting to see the middle half of the film resemble end of the world movies. I also liked the twist of using Shalla-Bal as the Silver Surfer and Julia Garner captured the tortured essence of the herald well. The chemistry between the four leads was easily the best we’ve ever seen from live-action interpretations of the characters, with them portrayed as a well-established and celebrated group and a functioning team and family dynamic. I loved the changes made to Johnny’s character, how he was a quick study and not just some hotshot with a hard on, and that Ben had fully come to terms with his position while still showcasing some regret when tempted by beautiful schoolteacher Rachel Rozman (Natasha Lyonne). Reed and Sue were the main draws for me, though. Sue was such a strong character, both in her convictions and her raw power, and I loved seeing Reed struggle with considering the worst decisions and being at a loss to think of alternatives. For me, this was the most faithful filmic adaptation of Marvel’s First Family to date, one that perfectly represented their unique family dynamics and presented them as an intelligent, quirky, and formidable team to hopefully make an unforgettable impact in the wider MCU.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Did you enjoy The Fantastic Four: First Steps? How do you think it compared against the previous live-action films? Were you surprised to find it set on an alternative Earth? Did you enjoy the cast, their chemistry, and the way their powers were represented? Were you glad to see Galactus finally brought to life in full armour? Would you have given up your child to save the world? Where would you like to see the MCU take the Fantastic Four? Let .e know your thoughts on The Fantastic Four: First Steps in the comments, go check out my other Fantastic Four content, and donate to my Ko-Fi to support the site.

Movie Night: Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Dr. K2 Comments

Released: 14 May 1982
Director: John Milius
Distributor: Tri-Star Pictures
Budget: $20 million
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Earl Jones, Gerry Lopez, Bergman, Ben Davidson, and Mako

The Plot:
Cimmerian barbarian brute Conan (Schwarzenegger) is freed from slavery, falls in with a gang of thieves, and quests for revenge against Thulsa Doom (Jones), the mystical cult leader who slaughtered his family.

The Background:
Readers were first introduced to Robert E. Howard’s Conan in the pages of Weird Tales, after he expanded on the lore while vacationing by repurposing a previously rejected Kull of Atlantis story. Before his unfortunate suicide in 1936, Howard had written twenty-one complete Conan stories, published seventeen of them, and left behind multiple unfinished fragments. Development of a film adaptation can be traced back to the 1970s when, after a lengthy battle, Edward R. Pressman acquired the franchise rights. Eager to helm a Viking-inspired film, director John Milius joined the project (despite having no knowledge of Conan) and Oliver Stone penned a costly script that was reworked after Dino De Laurentiis provided additional funding. After considering Sylvester Stallone and Charles Bronson for the lead, the producers cast relative unknown Arnold Schwarzenegger after being impressed by his bodybuilder physique. In addition to undergoing rigorous training and learning sword fighting for the role, Schwarzenegger was forced to do all his own stunts, resulting in some nasty injuries during filming. The magnetic James Earl Jones was cast as the main antagonist and offered Schwarzenegger many pointers on set and the filmmakers used incredibly detailed miniatures to save money on expensive sets, alongside a large-scale animatronic snake. With a box office of somewhere between $68.9 and 79.1 million, Conan the Barbarian was a modest success met with mixed reviews. While some praised it as a fantasy thriller and championed the gory action, others decried the violence and criticised Schwarzenegger’s performance. Praised for its adaptation of Howard’s writing and for re-popularising the sword-and-sorcery genre, Conan the Barbarian shot Schwarzenegger to superstardom. Unfortunately, its sequel failed to recapture the same success, the 2011 reboot proved unfairly divisive, and a third movie has been stuck in Development Hell for decades.

The Review:
Conan the Barbarian is set during a fictional, lost age of mankind – the “Hyborian Age”, as stated in the books – a time of much conflict and where scattered tribes and pockets of civilisation worshipped many Gods. For young Conan (Jorge Sanz) and his people, the Viking-like Cimmerians, the only God worth talking about is Crom, a miserable, Odin-like figure who sits atop a mountain and actively ignores the prayers of those who worship him. Those who die worshipping Crom must answer a simple question to take a seat in Valhalla: What is the riddle of steel? Conan’s father and tribe leader (William Smith) impresses upon him from a young age how important steel is to their culture, stating that a man can only trust his blade and that steel came about after man harnessed the “secret of fire” following a battle between the Gods and the Great Giants. Conan listens attentively and seems a willing student, yet he can only watch in horror when Thulsa Doom and his cohorts – namely Rexor (Davidson) and Thorgrim (Sven-Ole Thorsen) – suddenly attack their village and slaughter his people. While his father fights valiantly, Conan watches, shielded by his mother (Nadiuska), as he’s mortally wounded by an axe and then torn apart by attack dogs. Thulsa Doom then claims his father’s sword and mesmerises his mother, lopping her head off and forcing the surviving children to toil day and night, through all seasons, pushing the “Wheel of Pain”. This entire opening sequence is conveyed without any dialogue (beyond the wizard Akio’s (Mako) narration and the teachings of Conan’s father), so we don’t learn the reason behind the attack until much later, when a nonplussed Thulsa Doom muses that he once pursued steel before learning of the strength of flesh. This strength comes to be embodied by the largely silent and stoic Conan, who pushes the wheel seemingly non-stop for years, outlasting his peers and growing to maturity as a man so massive and musclebound that he can push the wheel alone without exerting himself. Conan’s seemingly forgotten in that time and is therefore forcibly taken from the wheel and pushed into vicious pit fights where he quickly gains acclaim as a natural gladiator and efficient killer.

From orphan to gladiator to warrior, Conan’s life of hardship prepares him for battle.

Turning a profit for his captors, Conan is afforded  luxuries like language and writing, beautiful women to “breed” with, and training from master swordsmen. Eventually, Conan earns his freedom and is let loose into the wilderness, with no home and little understanding of anything other than violence. Chased by wild dogs, he stumbles into the tomb of a long-dead warrior and acquires a sword, garbing himself in wolf skin and embarking on a quest to track down those responsible for the death of his people. All he knows is Thulsa Doom’s symbol (“two snakes coming together… facing each other… but they’re one!”) but, luckily for him, an extremely horny and animalistic witch (Cassandra Gaviola) points him in the right direction… “for a price!” Conan’s mission is one of vengeance; he wants the man who killed his parents and stole his father’s sword, and braves any hardship without fear to accomplish this goal. A towering man-mountain, Conan is effectively superhuman at times, easily sprinting long distances while carrying his gear and besting multiple enemies not just with his incredible strength, but his skill with a blade. Conan is described as a barbarian but isn’t just some mindless brute; he’s more of a nomad, with allegiance to none other than himself. He’s a man of great honour and loyalty, however, and is surprisingly affectionate towards women (unless he’s drunk, and then they’re “all sluts!”) Conan becomes more loquacious and carefree after meeting Subotai (Lopez), a thief and archer he quickly befriends despite them worshipping different Gods, and who teaches him to be a thief. Subotai’s far less serious than his cohort, unless it comes to jewels and gold, though he aids Conan in investigating the Thulsa Doom cult. This leads them to cross paths with fearless fellow thief Valeria (Bergman) and King Osric (Max Von Sydow), a burned-out monarch who’s impressed by their gall at defying the much-feared death cult. Their raid gives Conan a rare chance to come out of his shell as he tosses his jewels around and indulges in alcohol and passionate sex with Valeria, only for his revelry to comically take a toll on him. When brought before King Osric, Conan shows visible shame for his actions but gladly accepts the king’s plea to rescue his wayward daughter, Princess Yasmina (Valérie Quennessen), from Thulsa Doom.

Conan’s colourful allies not only aid him in a fight but also help to humanise the stoic barbarian.

Subotai and Valeria are not so keen to get involved however, so the stoic Conan infiltrates Thusla Doom’s temple alone. Along the way, he bumps into Akio, an eccentric and aged wizard who keeps a tentative commune with the Gods and offers Conan some advice. When he’s discovered, beaten, and brought to Thulsa Doom a blood mess, Conan’s angered to learn that his lifelong vendetta is of little consequence to Thulsa Doom, who callously dismisses and lectures the barbarian on the superiority of flesh over steel. Thulsa Doom orders Conan to be crucified and, by the time Subotai tracks him down, the barbarian is near death. Desperate to save her man, Valeria first begs and then threatens Akio to pull any mystical strings he can, gladly prepared to pay the “price” the Gods demand for sending wrathful spirits to heal Conan. Fully restored, Conan continues his quest, seemingly set on murdering Thulsa Doom but ultimately heeding Subotai’s reasoning and simply rescuing Princess Yasmina from the Temple of Set. However, Thulsa Doom’s retaliation is swift and brutal as he fires a snake like an arrow and mortally wounds Valeria. Though Conan’s creed means he’s incapable of showing true emotion regarding his lover’s death (hence why Subotai “[cries] for him”), he visibly mourns her, ensures she gets a proper send-off, and is clearly enraged by her death. His subsequent retaliation sees him lure Rexor, Thorgrim, and Thulsa Doom’s disposable soldiers into a confrontation. In this instance, Conan fights with his head rather than pure, brute strength and he and his remaining allies triumph through wiles, determination, specially laid traps…and a touch of divine intervention as Valeria briefly returns as a Valkyrie to make good on her promise to fight by her lover’s side in the event of her death.

The strange and enigmatic Thulsa Doom is bolstered by mindless slaves and soldiers.

Although much of Conan the Barbarian is very grounded (people talk of Gods but they’re largely absent, save of Valeria’s brief return), there are supernatural elements here, specifically regarding Thulsa Doom. Said to be thousands of years old, Thulsa Doom is an enigmatic and mysterious individual who boasts hypnotic powers that work in tandem with his silver tongue to brainwash countless numbers into become his slaves, followers, and soldiers. Initially, Thulsa Doom seems merely a raider, slaughtering people, stealing their steel, and using their children as slaves. Thulsa Doom seems nonplussed by his actions and even somewhat bored during the sacking of Conan’s village, leaving the heavy lifting to Rexor and Thorgrim, and basically never needs to take up a blade since his hypnotic eyes leave all powerless before his gaze. While Conan grows and embarks on his quest, Thulsa Doom builds a feared and oppressive cult worshipping the snake-God Set, and spends his days overseeing orgies and twisting people to his whims. While we never learn the source of his power or much about him, Thulsa Doom reveals that he once coveted the “Riddle of Steel”, as the Cimmerians did, and ultimately found that flesh had more power over steel. Thulsa Doom’s subsequent exploration of the flesh sees him brainwash even princesses into concubines so blindly loyal that they call him “father” and hang on his every word, die in his name (or at his command), and are seemingly willing to commit mass suicide to embrace the ”emptiness” he often touts. Though Thulsa Doom carries blades, he rarely uses them. Instead, he relies on his mysterious command over snakes, firing them as arrows and even transforming  into one. Thorgrim echoes his master’s love of snakes, raising a giant serpent to guard Thulsa Doom’s greatest treasures and flying into a rage after Conan hacks the creature to pieces. Indeed, both Rexor and Thorgrim take after Conan with a vengeance after being repeatedly humiliated by him. Armed with a giant Warhammer and Conan’s father’s sword, respectively, the two largely silent henchmen are formidable warriors and carry their master’s standard into battle, though are ultimately deemed as worthless to Thulsa Doom as any of his underlings.

The Nitty-Gritty:
I’ve never read any of the Conan books or even the comics. My knowledge of the character is exclusively limited to the films, though I have heard that Conan the Barbarian has more in common with Robert E. Howard’s other pulp creation, Kull the Conqueror. However, I am a big Arnold Schwarzenegger fan and Conan was one of the first (if not the first) films of his I saw as a kid. However, I’ve not always been its biggest fan. The film’s a bit too long and drags quite a lot. It doesn’t help that there isn’t much dialogue, especially from Conan, which may be off-putting for some. It certainly gives the film a moody, introspective atmosphere, one bolstered by the late, great Basil Poledouris’ thumping orchestra. I also appreciate that much of the nuance is conveyed through body language, but it does make Conan a less attractive watch than some of Schwarzenegger’s other films. Still, he looks phenomenal here, swelling with muscles and yet swinging his sword with a deftness and skill that’s almost unmatched. Though Conan is a stoic and silent character, he showcases a fair bit of personality at times, especially with Subotai or when seducing women. Conan has a very charismatic presence that instantly catches the eye, and is absolutely merciless in a fight, cutting down foes with a near-superhuman strength and coming out of every encounter unscathed. Yet, he remains vulnerable, as seen when he’s beaten and tortured basically to death by Thulsa Doom’s minions. This is the only time we see Conan as a mere man, bloody and raging at his tormentor, and powerless to fight back. Even when crucified on the tree of wool, Conan fights against a vulture picking at his wounds and, upon being healed by the dark spirits, has only a moment of quiet, internal reflection before returning to his quest for revenge.

The brutal, bloody violence helps break up the slow pacing, and even includes a monstrous snake!

And what a quest it is! Conan the Barbarian is a hell of a bloody time, with blood splattering from neck and gut wounds in nearly every fight and most conflicts seeing limbs and heads being hacked off. Our three anti-heroes show absolutely no mercy to their opponents, whether they’re regular guards or Thulsa Doom’s soldiers, and happily stab them in the neck, cut open their bellies, and bash their heads against stone walls. Conan is depicted as a fierce and formidable fighter when without a weapon, enduring horrific beatings in pit fights and overpowering even heavily armed foes with his superior strength. He knows when to take a stealthier approach and is smart enough to use his environment as a weapon, muscling over a giant cauldron of stew to fend off Thulsa Doom’s soldiers and beating one of his followers to steal his robes. Conan faces a daunting opponent when attacked by Thorgrim’s snake, but it’s one he handily overcomes (with some assistance from Subotai) through sheer tenacity. This is a man who’s spent his entire life fighting and is “survival of the fittest” in physical form, giving Conan incredible endurance both when running and when faced with torture. Yet, even Conan is mortal and can’t take on Thulsa Doom’s entire army. Luckily, Subotai is handy in a fight, attacking from afar with arrows and using stealth and cunning to shop down foes. Valeria is similar as, like Subotai, she can’t rely on brute strength to win the day. Instead, she sticks to the shadows, scales walls using ropes, and utilises disguises to gain an edge. As a more carefree and impulsive spirit, she’s more likely to taunt her opponents to throw them off balance and to throw herself off a building while laughing. Yet, she and Subotai also recognise a good deal and urge Conan to simply take King Osric’s riches and disappear, but Conan refuses, both because of his vendetta and to rescue the princess. While they lose a formidable adversary and close friend when Valeria is killed, Conan, Subotai, and Akiro outfit the area with booby-traps and weapons to whittle down Thulsa Doom’s forces. This is by far the film’s biggest action set piece and sees Conan settle the score with Rexor and Thorgrim, impaling Thorgrim on a massive wooden spike and going toe-to-toe with Rexor. This fight sees Conan briefly overwhelmed but, after Valeria’s spirit buys him some time, he redoubles his attack, shattering his father’s sword and cutting down his foe to avenge his people and being sure to offer praise to Crom after.

A touch of divine intervention sees Conan get his revenge and prepare for greater adventures…

Thulsa Doom’ s campaign sees him spread across the lands like a plague, pillaging and converting over the years until he’s amassed incredible wealth and power. His symbol is feared by many and his actions abhorred, but none, not even King Osric, can stand against him. Conan and his allies, however, have no fear of the cult and strike critical blows against Thulsa Doom by infiltrating his temples, stealing his treasure, killing his giant snake, and kidnapping Princess Yasmina from under his nose. While Thulsa Doom retaliates with a vengeance, his greatest flaw is his arrogance. Seeing himself as an all-powerful messenger for his God, Set, Thulsa Doom is visibly disturbed when Conan and his friends cut down his stories with their traps and weapons. Before fleeing like a coward, Thulsa Doom attempts to execute Yasmina, thereby convincing the princess to lead Conan into the cult leader’s main base after seeing her beloved “father” turn against her so callously. Conan easily slips into the temple via a back entrance as Thulsa Doom prepares his followers to set themselves on fire in hopes of being granted eternal life upon their death. Thanks to his commanding voice and hypnotic powers, they stand as poised to follow his command as the poor girl he convinced to leap to her death earlier. Luckily, Conan confronts him but, rather than being enraged or engaging the barbarian in a sword fight, Thulsa Doom greets his foe as a wayward son. Indeed, Thulsa Doom confidently quells Conan’s rage by claiming that the barbarian would have no purpose if he were to strike down his “father” and, for a moment, Conan seems to be as mesmerised as his mother was in the opening. However, Conan quickly comes to his senses and strikes with the shattered remains of his father’s blade, hacking Thulsa Doom’s head off and tossing it to his stunned followers. Freed from the villain’s spell, the cultists abandon their religion and, after some quiet brooding, Conan sets the temple ablaze and leaves to return Princess Yasmina to her father…and to go on to further adventures!

The Summary:
As I alluded to earlier, I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Conan the Barbarian. It’s rare that I make the effort to put it on and, when I do, it’s the kind of movie that demands my attention since you have to endure a lot of long, intense moments without much dialogue or even much happening. Then, it suddenly spikes to eleven and you’ve got blood splattering the camera, brutal sword combat, a giant snake and what-not! Arnold Schwarzenegger gives a commanding performance as the titular Conan, drawing the eye with his impressive, God-like physique and portraying Conan as a fairly nuanced character. He’s a man of few words, unless he’s drunk or totally relaxed and having fun, and a man of unbreakable conviction. He’s determined to avenge his people, no matter the odds, and fights past every obstacle. Even the death of his lover doesn’t break him, so strong is his upbringing and stoic fortitude, and Conan even denounces his cantankerous God when faced with seemingly impossible odds, so powerful is his defiance. Conan’s surrounded by some fun supporting characters: I really enjoyed Mako’s unhinged, scenery-chewing performance as Akio and Subotai made for a likeable and light-hearted counterpart to Conan’s stone-faced resolve. Valeria was also great, being as fierce and formidable as her male peers but also showcasing a devil-may-care attitude and a devotion so strong it allowed her to return from the beyond. Of course, it’s James Earl Jones who steals the show here, delivering a magnetic performance as the mesmerising and callous Thulsa Doom. He demands your attention every time he appears and delivers every line with the right level of silky-smooth, bombastic glee that it’s not hard to see why so many tripped over themselves to follow his every command. The film’s bolstered by an infectious score and some brutal, bloody action sequence, impressive animatronics, sweeping locations, and painstakingly crafted costuming, and there’s even some sex and boobs to keep the slower, more introspective pace moving. It’s not a typical action flick, that’s for sure, and Schwarzenegger is somewhat limited in the role, but he makes up for it with his larger-than-life presence and endlessly quotable lines. While Conan the Barbarian isn’t really a favourite of mine and avid fans of the character may not enjoy how much was changed during the adaptation process, there’s a decent amount to like here if you can give the film your full attention.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Do you enjoy Conan the Barbarian? If you’re a fan of the books, what did you think of this adaptation and where would you rank it against Arnold’s other films? What did you think of Conan’s portrayal as a stoic and determined warrior? Were you shocked when Valeria died and happy to see her brief return? What did you think of Thulsa Doom, his sway, and this strange ability to turn into a giant snake? Can you answer the Riddle of Steel? How are you celebrating Schwarzenegger’s birthday today and what is your favourite Schwarzenegger film? Whatever you think, go ahead and leave your thoughts below, support the site on Ko-Fi, and check out my other Schwarzenegger content on the site.

Game Corner: Klonoa 2: Lunatea’s Veil (Xbox Series X)

Dr. K1 Comment

Released: 7 July 2022
Originally Released: 22 March 2001
Developer: Monkey Craft
Original Developer: Namco
Also Available For: PlayStation 2 (Original Release); Nintendo Switch, Nintendo Switch 2, PC, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, Xbox Series S (Phantasy Reverie Series)

The Background:
After Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic Team, 1991) put anthropomorphic mascots on the map with its incredible success, bizarre characters like Sparkster, Earthworm Jim, and even a sentient period paved the way for later 3D platforming icons. When it came time for Namco Bandai to toss their hat into the market, videogame director Hideo Yoshizawa originally envisioned a ceramic fighting robot named Amenti before Yoshihiko Arai pitched the strange, rabbit-like Klonoa to appeal to kids and adults. Klonoa: Door to Phantomile (Namco, 1997) impressed critics with its simple controls and cute visuals, and development of a sequel began soon after. Initially planned for the PlayStation, Klonoa 2 transitioned to the more powerful PlayStation 2 in order to expand the 3D space and give players more control and freedom. Klonoa’s design was tweaked to make him easier to animate and more mature, which was reflected in the more emotionally nuanced story. Like its predecessor, Klonoa 2 was met with universal praise for its addictive gameplay, impressive visuals, and near-perfect controls. However, Klonoa 2 was also criticised for its short length and, despite largely positive reviews, its sales were lacking and a planned Wii remake was allegedly cancelled. After decades of being stuck as an expensive PlayStation 2 exclusive, Klonoa 2 was finally re-released and remastered in this well received, modern overhaul for new generations.

The Plot:
When Klonoa is fished from the waters of Lunatea by Lolo, a priestess-in-training, and her friend, Popka, he joins them to stop sky pirates from spreading hopelessness.

Gameplay and Power-Ups:
Surprisingly, given most 2D and 2.5D franchises made the jump to 3D back in the day, Klonoa 2: Lunatea’s Veil is a 2.5D action platformer that looks and plays exactly like its predecessor. I was fully expecting that Klonoa would’ve transitioned to something more akin to the Spyro videogames (Various, 1998 to 2018) as even Earthworm Jim got a clunky, third-person 3D adventure back in the day. Instead, Klonoa 2 sticks to its roots so closely that it barely changes anything from the first game, though some of this may be because this version of the game is based upon the game engine of the short-lived Wii revival. This means that players once again travel through various colourful stages (known as “Visions”), though they’re much larger and each area has anywhere from two to seemingly five levels. Klonoa 2 still allows a second player to jump in and give Klonoa a boost with Y and the controls remain unchanged from before. By default, you’ll jump with A or Y, holding the button to flutter Klonoa’s ears to help cross gaps, and pressing B or X to fire “Wind Bullets” from his magical ring. You again use these to grab nearby enemies and throw them at other baddies, to the background or foreground to activate switches or smash Nagapoko Eggs for goodies, or to activate switches. When an enemy is in your grasp, pressing the jump button twice launches them beneath you to destroy whatever’s under you and boost you higher, and I was happy to see that there are far less sections where you must desperately string double jumps together to hit switches in a certain order. Enemies usually always respawn to give you plenty of “ammo”, though no new features have been added to Klonoa’s arsenal beyond you now pressing the Left or Right Bumper to pull off a taunt or a useless twirl. You can disable the onscreen timer and tutorials from the game’s settings and (to start with) pick between “Easy” (which grants infinite lives and more health) and “Normal” (which limits your lives and reduces your maximum health) difficulties. While bottomless pits and flaming hazards still spell instant death for Klonoa, you can partially or fully restore his health with Small or Large Hearts, hit Memory Clocks to activate checkpoints, collect one of the many 1 Up Coins for extra lives, or earn even more for every 100 Dream Stone collected.

While Klonoa 2 adds some new gimmicks, the original’s core gameplay remains unchanged.

Mirror Spirits still appear to temporarily double the value of Dream Stones, Klonoa will often need keys to open doors in Visions (usually backtracking to use them and then activate something to progress further), and he can now collect six stars in each Vision rather than rescuing Phantomiles. Though they function the same (held within bubbles in Visions), these earn you “Mommett Dolls” to deliver to the Mommett House to unlock extra game modes. Though you’re more likely to hit switches to open paths, timed switches still appear, as do disappearing platforms, which get smaller and more precarious as the game progresses. Gondolas and moving platforms also appear, as do springs to rocket you high into the air, and you’ll also hit switches to spawn (or despawn) blocks. You’re more likely to be working out how to toss Boomies at just the right time so they explode to activate these switches from afar, or nabbing Likuries to absorb enemies and change their colour to then break matching coloured crystals. These can be surprisingly taxing puzzles as you must work out how to clamber to higher ground before the Likurie returns to you, requiring you to snag coloured bulbs to get higher (or carry you across endless pits). You’ll also be tossing enemies to gigantic Ow-Gows so they’re distracted from eating you, grabbing Erbils to rocket higher and smash through crates above you, tapping A while holding a Kiton to fly around for a short time, or blasting away using a Jetimo. Klonoa also gains a gnarly hoverboard that he uses to surf over water, sand, and surfaces alike. These effectively replace the water slide sections from the first game and appear quite often, either from a 2.5D or 3D perspective, and see you hopping gaps, making tight, precise movements to stay on narrow or crumbling paths, and using your double jump to reach higher ground. Twice you’ll cut through the sky on either a bird or a plane, tossing enemies to break obstacles in your way. You must often press B to ring magical bells to progress the story, and you’ll be constantly backtracking to Baguji’s Island from the larger world map to get more information and unlock new areas.

I would’ve liked to see the new mechanics expanded further to move the series forward.

While Klonoa 2’s worlds are noticeably bigger than before, the basic gameplay loop remains unchanged, and a lot of the same gimmicks return. You’ll be clearing gaps, using swinging, moving, and stationary platforms, activating lifts, and battling against conveyer belts in your quest. Klonoa 2’s “big” new gimmick are the many cannons dotted all over, which blast you across stages, up higher, or to and from the foreground. Often, you must toss enemies or Boomies to the background and then quickly rocket over to use them to blow up rocks to snag keys; othertimes, they simply lead to alternate paths and goodies. However, there are some new mechanics at work here, mainly in Mira-Mira’s “Maze of Memories” which includes twisted geometry, a maze of doors, and a feature when you rotate the screen to make the floor the ceiling. When in the endgame, you’ll revisit previous areas, now made more dangerous, and must stick close to Goddess statues to avoid choking to death on poisonous gas, toss Boomies into three engines and flee to safety before they explode, and get carried across a disturbing void. While it seems daunting dodging Spikers, flame bursts, and hopping to platforms or other handholds, you can just cling to whatever’s carrying you and take a hit without being knocked off, which makes it much easier. La-Lakoosha features a pendulum you must toss enemies at the destroy pillars to progress, the Mobile Tank Biskarsh chases you with a laser through the war-ravaged streets of Volk City, giant enemies also chase you in Mira-Mira, and players must grab Flolo to light up dark areas when traversing the nightmarish Dark Sea of Tears. Often, big springs blast you high up and you must direct Klonoa to land on other springs or platforms to progress, enemies sometimes chase you towards or away from the camera to add a little spice, spike pits threaten to end your run, and the funfair-like Joliant has you dodging rollercoasters, tossing enemies at a Nagapoko Egg shooting range, and smacking a pirate ship so it swings you to higher ground.

Presentation:
As mentioned, I was surprised to find Klonoa 2 barely deviates from the last game, recycling many of the same enemies and hazards and retaining the rigid 2.5D presentation. It does open out a little bit, though, offering more third-person sections through its hoverboard gimmick but, for the most part, everything looks, feels, and sounds as good as it did before. While much of the game’s colourful aesthetic still recalls NiGHTS into Dreams (Sonic Team, 1996), Klonoa 2 features a fantasy land being invaded by nightmares and doubts rather than taking place in a dream world. Though nothing’s changed about his abilities, Klonoa has had a bit of a visual downgrade, now wearing a hoodie rather than his cool buckle outfit and strangely having taunts mapped to the shoulder buttons. He’s still a fun character, though, and seems a touch more mature this time around, and still speaks in  gibberish and sound bites. Dialogue is thus related through speech bubbles and there are a few more happening here as Klonoa chases down the mischievous Tat, offers council to Lolo, and gets the lowdown on besmirched sky pirate Leorina from Baguji. Klonoa and his enemies still have large hit boxes that can make platforming tricky, but this time I noticed some odd distortion in the music at times, as though the hardware were struggling to keep the game running. Lunatea is a pretty varied world whose map opens up as you progress the story and has you backtracking to Baguji and even in some Visions to move things along. While Klonoa 2 only recalls the bizarre visuals of the first game at the end, each area has a lot to see in the backgrounds and many of them are mismatched and remixed for the endgame, where the King of Sorrow throws the land into chaos and makes previously simplistic areas more taxing with tougher enemies, trickier puzzles, and so many pits.

Things are as colourful and bizarre as the first game, though the tone is a touch darker at times.

Players begin in the Sea of Tears, a stormy, rainswept port where lightning flashes and waves crash against the rocks in the background. This area leads you through an ethereal coral cave and features a large priestess statue near the end. This brings you to La-Lakoosha, a town situated near a large waterfall where wind currents carry you between platforms, and Klonoa explores a mushroom cave and travels a spiral path to the Claire Moa Temple. While Joliant impresses with its carnival lights, sounds, rides, and fireworks, it’s also home to a funky haunted house that includes a haunted library, scary trees, a graveyard, and a spook working a giant cauldron. You’ll also board through a jungle-themed water slide stage and then drop into the rancid sewers beneath Volk City, which is on fire and under heavy bombardment that sees buildings crumble and flaming debris litter the streets. After avoiding insta kill sewage and molten metal in the city’s distinctly steampunk underground factory, you must activate and explore the ancient Ishras Ark. The vessel sits near towering mountains whose windmills and gears must be activated and their frigid peaks boarding past (and into) a gigantic dragon’s skeleton and down past a snowy village. All these areas are remixed by the King of Sorrow, often having you work backwards through previous areas or go from the left to the right, encountering more Ow-Gows and puzzles involving Boomies and Likuries. These more nightmarish, topsy-turvy levels can be daunting with their desolate, patchwork backgrounds and ominous music, and things only get more troublesome with how many pits, temporary platforms, and changes have been made. Previously stationary platforms will now swing, more insta-kill fire appears, tranquil caves will be full of toxic gas, and the very sea will have dried up, revealing only sand, floating islands, and an exposed coral palace whose statues try to crush you. Things get very surreal when you battle the corrupted Leorina and the maniacal King of Sorrow, with cosmic voids and swirling vortexes replacing the previously whimsical and cartoonish backgrounds, and the game again ends on an emotional note as Lolo learns to overcome her doubts thanks to Klonoa’s support.

Enemies and Bosses:
As far as I could see, almost every enemy encountered in the first game returns in Klonoa 2, completely unchanged in every way. Klonoa must grab and toss these constantly respawning enemies to defeat others or activate switches, or to reach higher ground, with all but the large ones and those wearing helmets dying in one hit. The various coloured Moos are still your most persistent enemy, with Red Moos patrolling back and forth, bird-like Green Moves hovering overhead, and Black, Gold, and Silver Moos hiding behind shields and/or carrying spears. Moos also jump on snowboards to chase you, Zippoes still run full tilt at you, some enemies toss spiked balls from the background and floating Spikers are a constant headache before you, and Slazzas still toss boomerangs (though appear far less frequently). Glibz return, still armed with twin cannons, Spindles must still be defeated by double jumping over them, and Boomies have a much expanded role as you toss them at switches or into engines. There are some new enemies here too, such as hornets that attack with their stingers, shark-like Digons who dive from the background, and Ow-Gows, who must be fed to keep them from munching on Klonoa. Just as Leorina acts as a dark opposite of Klonoa, wielding a makeshift magical ring, so too does her companion, Tat, act as a counterpart to Popka. You’ll chase Tat through Joliant’s fun park, tagging her either on foot or while boarding along, and even fight her in two mini boss battles. The first sees her (in a spooky disguise) rolling cannonballs along the floor in Joliant’s haunted house, where you must propeller fly up to pop the balloons. In the second, giant mechanical Tat’s pop from pipes in Volk City’s underground factory, again rolling cannonballs. This time, you must grab Moos and toss them at her constructs as they spiral around, kind of like a game of Whac-A-Mole. There are also six bosses to fight, each with two phases and two health bars, though this time the game at least mixes things up and sometimes has you boarding along instead of just running on a circular or stationary platform.

Bosses now have two phases each and are much bigger and require a little more strategy.

The “Armored Beast” Folgaran spins in the centre of a circular path, exposing its weak spot (its butt) as it rotates but spinning faster and extending its claw-like arms as the fight progresses. While this is extremely easy, Leptio can be trickier as you must throw Moos at him while avoiding his duplicates, hit him as he rolls around the ring, and knock over his drill-like enclosure, dodging his flailing robotic limbs. As he rolls in this mech, you must time a throw from across the stage to put him down. The Mobile Tank Biskarsh can also be difficult as you must grab a Green Moo and spring high up, dropping your projectile into the vent on the tank’s roof and avoiding its leap. It then jumps further and faster and drives at you from the background, meaning it can be difficult timing your shots. Polonte is fought as you snowboard down a mountain. You must jump over spike balls and ice formations, passing through gates to speed up and ram him. In the second phase, these are far harder to avoid and you must snag and toss snowboarding Moos (best done while jumping). When you finally face off with Leorina, she transforms into an insectile beast and stomps around a stage, only being vulnerable when you Erbils-jump into her underbelly. When she hides beneath the platform and you must blast away her orb and smash an enemy into the ground to damage her, finally finishing her off with another Erbils-jump as she charges her big attack. Finally, there’s the King of Sorrow, a much easier final fight than Nahatomb’s. First, you board through a swirling vortex, passing between spiked trails and tossing Nemo Moos at him. Though he’s a difficult target and bops you with his staff up close, he’s pretty easy to beat in this phase. In the second, he hides behind an energy shield, blasting flames and trying to hit you with the mechanical tips of his tentacles. You must snag these and toss them at the orbs on his shield a few times, easily ending his threat after a couple of rotations.

Additional Features:
This version of Klonoa 2 has ten Achievements up for grabs, with players earning one each time they defeat a boss and gaining an additional one if they get every Achievement in both games. You get another Achievement for finding all the Mommett Dolls, which also unlocks a couple of additional Visions to play. If you find all 150 Dream Stones in every Vision, you’ll also unlock a Picture Viewer at the Mommett House, where you can battle the bosses again (though you can also do this by revisiting the boss Visions). Completing the game on either difficulty unlocks “Hard” mode and the movie viewer, and this version also offers an awful pixel filter if you feel like making the game look like an early PlayStation title.

The Summary:
I was slightly hesitant about Klonoa 2: Lunatea’s Veil as I was sure that it would’ve evolved the original game’s fun, if simplistic, 2.5D gameplay into something more akin to a 3D collectathon. Instead, the game is almost indistinguishable from the first, with no additional power-ups or abilities for its funky (but adorable) title character beyond a snowboard. This isn’t a bad thing as the game’s still fun to look at and play, it’s just surprising that the developers didn’t expand upon or change the formula for the jump to the PlayStation 2. I was glad to see that the janky double and triple jump sections were largely gone and I did enjoy the hoverboard sections, though the game still didn’t do as much as it could with its main throwing gimmick. I liked the expanded role given to Boomies and how the Likurie puzzles make you rethink your actions, though the reliance on cannons took a lot of control away from me and constantly returning to Baguji got annoying. Still, I liked that the Visions were much bigger, the bosses had more phases and strategy to them, and that the game was as colourful and quirky as before. I can’t say there’s anything in Klonoa 2 to make it any better or worse than the original as the differences are extremely minor. I ultimately had just as much fun with it as I did the first game, so it’s only fair to give it the same score, but it might’ve scored higher had those nightmarish remixes been giving more prominence and if the developers had expanded Klonoa’s abilities a bit more.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Klonoa 2: Lunatea’s Veil? What did you think to the changes made for the Phantasy Reverie Series version? Were you surprised to see the game virtually unchanged from the first entry? What did you think to the boarding sections and new puzzles? Do you agree that Klonoa’s design isn’t as strong this time around? Did you find the bosses too easy, despite their additional phases? Which Klonoa game is your favourite and do you think the franchise needs a new entry? Tell me your thoughts on Klonoa in the comments and go support me on Ko-Fi for more reviews like this.

Game Corner: Klonoa: Door to Phantomile (Xbox Series X)

Dr. K1 Comment

Released: 7 July 2022
Originally Released: 11 December 1997
Developer: Monkey Craft
Original Developer: Namco
Also Available For: PlayStation (Original Release); Nintendo Switch, Nintendo Switch 2, PC, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, Xbox Series S (Phantasy Reverie Series)

The Background:
The massive success of Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic Team, 1991) helped make anthropomorphic mascots hugely popular in the videogame industry, resulting in memorable characters like a gun-toting jackrabbit, an acrobatic bat, a superpowered earthworm, an intergalactic adventurer, a sword singing possum with a rocket pack, and a bear-and-bird duo. Interestingly, however, director Hideo Yoshizawa originally envisioned Klonoa as a ceramic fighting robot named Amenti before Yoshihiko Arai designed the strange, rabbit-like creature who would lead the game. Yoshizawa sought to make Klonoa an action game that was appealing to kids and adults, while lead designer Tsuyoshi Kobayashi refined the fast-paced gameplay to be limited to two buttons. First revealed at the 1997 E3 trade fair as Namco’s first bid to create a marketable 3D mascot, Klonoa was widely praised for its simple controls, colourful environments, and cutesy visuals, though some criticised its short length and lack of innovation. Although Klonoa spawned a few sequels, the original game’s price skyrocketed and the series lay dormant for nearly fifteen years before Bandai Namco teamed with Monkey Craft for an unexpected remaster of the first two games. Based upon the oft-forgotten Wii revival, this remaster of Klonoa: Door to Phantomile was largely celebrated for its colourful overhaul and for breathing new life into the franchise.

The Plot:
After his dream about an airship crashing comes true, Klonoa and his friend, Huepow, journeys to keep the dark spirit Ghadius from turning Phantomile into a world of nightmares.

Gameplay and Power-Ups:
Klonoa: Door to Phantomile is a 2.5D action platformer in which players control the cute little rabbit-thing Klonoa and explore six worlds (known as “Visions”), each with two levels apiece. While the game is geared towards solo play, a second player can jump in to have Huepow launch Klonoa into the air with Y, though you can disable this at any time. The game offers two control types and the ability to customise the controls, but they’re so simple I don’t see why you’d need to do this or need anything other than the default settings. These see Klonoa jumping with A or Y, fluttering his wings for some extra airtime if you hold the button, and shooting “Wind Bullets” from his magical ring with B or X. These latch onto nearby enemies so you can throw them, either at other enemies or to the background or foreground to activate switches, take out enemies, or smash Nagapoko Eggs for extra goodies. When holding an enemy, you can press the jump button twice for a double jump (which also destroys crates or enemies beneath you) and you must chain grabs and double jumps together in the game’s later Visions to reach higher areas. This can be extremely tricky as Klonoa and his enemies have large hit boxes, enemies constantly respawn so you never run out of “ammo”, and the timing required to execute these double and triple jumps can be aggravating. The game’s options offer numerous settings for you to play with, including disabling the onscreen timer and tutorials, and you can initially pick from two difficulty settings, with “Easy” offering infinite lives and more health while “Normal” limits your lives and reduces your maximum health. Klonoa’s quite durable unless he falls down a pit or into lava but can partially or fully restore his health with Small or Large Hearts, respectively. Memory Clocks act as checkpoints, Klonoa Coins grant extra lives, and you’ll also score extra tries for every 100 Dream Stones you collect.

Klonoa grabs enemies, flutter jumps, and hops about some colourful, drema-like worlds.

You can briefly double the value of Dream Stones if you spot a Mirror Spirit, toss enemies at Mysterious Seals to create new paths, and activate switches with your throws to open doors or new areas. Some of these are timed, while others must be hit in the correct order, which gets very irritating in Vision 6-2 thanks to the jump/grab requirements. Occasionally, Klonoa must obtain keys to open doors and these may be guarded by enemies, gifted by non-playable characters (NPCs), or hidden in crates and Nagapoko Eggs. Technically, your main goal (beyond reaching the exit) is rescuing the six Phantomiles hidden in each stage. These are held in bubbles that you must pop with your Wind Bullets or thrown enemies and they can be tricky to find as areas sport multiple paths, often leading to more Dream Stones and goodies alongside a Phantomile. You don’t need to rescue all the Phantomiles to progress, however, and can replay any Vision to find those you’ve lost. Each Vision also hides picture pieces to find, though this simply counts towards 100% completion rather than any tangible reward, and Klonoa can eventually ride Kara the fish, though only in cutscenes, so you’ll have to settle for sliding down water and sand slides and blasting across areas on water sprouts. While there are no additional power-ups, pick-ups, or upgrades to Klonoa’s repertoire, they’re not really needed as his basic abilities serve him well throughout. It might’ve been nice to have a 2.5D autoscrolling chase section where you ride Kara, however, or to perhaps extend or alter the nature of Klonoa’s Wind Bullets. Klonoa can use fans, wind currents, and springs to reach higher areas, though. These often test your flutter and double jump skills, which are further tested in brief sections where you ride moving platforms past enemies or flame bursts. Vision 3-1 also has you ride a log on a vine track as it speeds away from the camera, dodging spiked hazards and collecting Dream Stones.

What starts as a simple platformer soon becomes a surprisingly tricky gameplay experience.

For the most part, Klonoa: Door to Phantomile is a simple, whimsical adventure that asks little of you. You can backtrack to previous screens to explore alternative paths and most collectibles are out in the open. You’re faced with simple platforming challenges such as hopping over gaps, riding platforms over pits or electrified floors, dodging projectiles, and leaping to tilting, moving, or temporary platforms (which reappear very quickly). Klonoa’s main gimmick is throwing enemies, but this rarely tests your puzzle solving skills as it’s hard to miss the big targets in the background or right in front of you. The difficulty does slowly ramp up, however, with areas becoming larger, sporting more alternative paths, and even being looping mazes. You must activate gondolas to progress in Vision 3-1, watch your step in Vision 4-2’s slippery ice cavern, avoid burning alive in Vision 5-1’s steampunk factory, and tackle a door maze in Vision 6-1’s ethereal castle. Here, you must track down and smash coloured crystals to clear doorways, though it can be tricky remembering which way to go. Similarly, Vision 5-1 has you exploring multiple paths to track down coloured orbs, avoiding flames and molten steel, and dealing with the “Eclipse” effect in Vision 5-2. This sees day turn to night and enemies become incapable of being grabbed, though extra platforms do appear to help you progress. Sadly, this mechanic only appears in this stage; it would’ve been cool to implement it throughout or have it featured in the unlockable “Hard” mode. You’ll briefly ride mine carts in Vision 1-2, simply jumping to grab Dream Stones as it falls apart, clamber up a cliff face in Vision 2-1, and activate gears and moving platforms in the mechanical tree factory explored in Vision 3-2. Platforming also gets progressively difficult by the end, with pits in abundance and small, often disappearing platforms being commonplace, sometimes with enemies chase you across them.

Presentation:
I’d long been curious about Klonoa: Door to Phantomile. I’ve always been a fan of 3D and 2.5D platformers and this looked like a cute, whimsical adventure sadly locked behind an expensive price tag. Thankfully, the game didn’t disappoint in terms of its visuals and Klonoa is a joy to behold. The game incorporates a cutsey, anime-like aesthetic to its polygonal characters, who pop with a cel-shaded, cartoony flavour as a result. Klonoa is like an anime character come to life, sporting oversized shoes, a Pac-Man logo on his beret, fun flappy ears, and big, expressive eyes that give him a lot of character. While he (and all the characters) speak in gibberish sound bite, his dialogue is fully readable in speech bubbles and he lets out some fun little sounds as you play, even twirling his magical ring when left idle. While Klonoa and his enemies have big hit boxes, it’s not usually a problem if you get the timing of your jumps down and he battles some bizarre enemies and encounters some surreal NPCs along the way. Each Vision houses different natives, such as tree spirits and talking fish, who will help or must be freed from their corruption. The story (and overall aesthetic design) reminded me a lot of NiGHTS into Dreams (Sonic Team, 1996), with Klonoa exploring a dream-like fantasy land at risk from the distinctly Khonsu-like Ghadius, though Klonoa plays a hell of a lot better than that game and is far easier on the eyes. The game also sports a jaunty soundtrack, with fun little tunes accompanying each area, and features quite an intricate story. I was stunned when Klonoa’s beloved grandpa was killed protecting the necklace from Ghadius’s jester-like henchman, Joka, and the ending (which sees Klonoa tearfully depart the dream world after learning his memories of Huepow were fabricated) was much more shocking than I expected from what seemed to be a simple, colourful platformer.

A colourful, whimsical adventure with a lot of heart and visual appeal.

Each of Klonoa’s Visions is presented via a storybook-like world map, allowing you to freely select them between sessions or when reloading your save file. Klonoa’s seaside town of Breezegale sees you literally venturing from his house past giant windmills and cute, medieval-style houses, crossing bridges and heading up a spiral path before exploring Breezegale’s mine, where precious jewels glitter in the backgrounds and mine carts are scattered about. Vision 2-1 sees you traversing a dying forest full of abandoned tree houses, hollowed out tree trunks, and giant mushrooms. The second part places you in the fantastical Jugpot palace, made from a giant seashell, and features backwards-flowing waterfalls, marble platforms, and dank caves. Vision 3-1’s forest is thriving, with twisted vines all over and thick logs acting as your main path into a clockwork-like mechanical tree that you must activate to get its gears moving. Vision 4-1 sees you exploring the ruined Wind Kingdom, hopping to dropping stone platforms, passing a spooky graveyard, and slipping about in the ice cavern, where you smash rocks to progress. The visuals really pick up in the distinctly steampunk Temple of the Sun, where you traverse giant pipes and ride a platform across a track, collecting coloured orbs to venture within. The interior is made hazardous by the Eclipse gimmick, constant flame bursts, and you having to hit multiple switches to progress. Cress is mostly comprised of its beautiful, crystalline castle that’s full of mosaics, electrified floors, tricky platforming, and statues that need melting. It opens out into a gigantic, ornate cathedral with multiple doors, the void of the night sky in the background, and gives way to a swirling, nightmare void where players must battle the surprise final boss, Nahatomb. There’s a fair amount happening in each area, with each Vision showcasing different aspects of their environments. It’s quite fun taking a track or path one way and seeing the alternative paths stretch behind you, enticing you to try a different path and see what rewards and obstacles it yields.

Enemies and Bosses:
Klonoa must pick up and toss various strange enemies in his adventure, nearly all off which constantly respawn so you always have something to toss off (wait…). The most common enemy you’ll encounter are the spherical Moos and their variants: Red Moos simply walk back and forth and are easy cannon fodder, Green Moves flap their wings to fly and resemble birds, and Black, Gold, and Silver Moos hide behind shields. These can also have lances and charge you, or ride pogo sticks, forcing you to get behind them to snag and throw them. You’ll also encounter Monkey Moos, who swing from vines to knock you down pits, and helmeted Moos who must have their head gear knocked off before they can be nabbed. Knight-like Algores swing chain-whips with maces for a long-range attack, Pink Boins bounce up and down erratically, and cat (or maybe rabbit?)-like Mew-Mews do the same but release spiked balls as they land, and explosive, mouse-like Boomies must be tossed to destroy objects (while avoiding their blast radius). The will-o’-the-wisp-like Burnies are protected by a ring of flames that you must hop between to grab them and spider-like Dabbys spit spiked projectiles from their butts. Fish-like Fifis leap from water or up waterfalls to interrupt your platforming, but the indestructible Spikers are the worst for this, with you having to gingerly dash under or jump over them. Glibz hide behind their shells, giving you a small window to grab them before they unload with their twin cannons; spooky Plowms relentlessly chase you and appear out of thin air; and Slazzas toss boomerang-like projectiles. Smorks fly from the background of Vision 5-2 and can be difficult to grab thanks to the perspective, Zippoes charge at you, and Tetons will fly you higher if you grab onto them. Gigantic variants of many of these enemies also crop up, with them being stunned and inflated with your Wind Bullets to give your jumps a boost and only being destroyed when you toss enemies at them.

Big, bizarre bosses test your throwing skills and, by the end, your patience.

Each Vision ends with a boss battle fought on a circular path. Rongo Lango is the easiest, challenge as it jumps about producing shockwaves and slashing with its tail. Simply run under it, snag a Moo, and attack from behind to move on. I found the corrupted King Seadoph and his fish cohort, Pamela, trickier as the path is littered with spike balls and Pamela leaps from the water, occasionally raining bubbles that can be tricky to avoid. You must snag King Seadoph as he rides a ball and toss him at Pamela when she attacks, which can be tough with so much to deal with. Gelg Bolm was easier, but a touch tedious as you use springs to get above it and launch an enemy into its exposed core with the double jump, avoiding its giant seeds and slam attack. Baladium puts you on a swinging platform, which makes it difficult to snag enemies to throw at the coloured sections of its body. You must also avoid the explosive spheres, pillars, missiles, and Zagards Baladium spawns. When you finally confront Joka, he deflects your Moo projectiles with his twirling fists and becomes a thrashing, squid-like beast when the Eclipse hits until you turn floor blocks yellow, which can drag out the fight. Fighting Ghadius is all about speed and timing as you must avoid the teleporters (which reset the arena and see you dodging shockwaves) to toss Death Moos at him. These rain down, ricochet about, and are hidden inside a triangular energy field you must dodge and dispel by attacking a corner. By far the toughest and most tedious fight is the surprise final boss, Nahatomb. Nahatomb creates three rainbow shockwaves and ejects armoured Moos, which must be tossed to Phantomile’s leaders, who then blast Nahatomb with cannons. This isn’t too bad in the first phase (if you avoid his long, sticky tongue), but is compounded in the third by the leaders rotating beneath you and Nahatomb temporarily destroying your crystalline platforms. The second stage sees Nahatomb’s disembodied form firing eye lasers as you’re on a slanting platform, which you must avoid to toss Moos at flaming crystals in the background.

Additional Features:
There are fourteen Achievements to earn in this remastered version of Klonoa, with one gifted each time you defeat a boss and six more for finding and rescuing every Phantomile hidden in each Vision. This also unlocks the “Extra Vision” stage, which sees you scaling Balue’s tower and taking on the game’s most difficult platforming challenges, though there’s no new boss to face. You’ll also get an extra Achievement if you get every Achievement in this game and its sequel, and finishing Klonoa on either difficulty unlocks “Hard” mode, a time attack mode, and the movie viewer. This version of the game also gives you the option to turn on a pixel filter so it resembles the PlayStation original, but I wouldn’t recommend it as it’s very hard on the eyes compared to the slick, colourful glow up. While there are no Achievements or extras for finishing the game on the harder difficulties, you can unlock extra costumes, a character viewer, the option to play the game backwards, and a music test if you clear the Extra Vision.

The Summary:
I was really excited when Klonoa: Door to Phantomile was finally remastered for modern consoles. Both it and its sequel had been on my wish list for a while, but I couldn’t justify the cost, so it was a no-brainer for an avid platformer fan like me to pick the Phantasy Reverie Series up and finally give them a whirl. This version of Klonoa is absolutely stunning, with colourful visuals, eye-popping environments, and a main character so cute you’ll be close to tears. Klonoa is such a unique character, exuding an anime-excess while being adorable, and his world (while visually and thematically similar to NiGHTS into Dreams) is incredibly imaginative. The game felt very “Japanese”, if that makes any sense, with some bizarre enemies and concepts that had been tweaked just enough to appeal to Western gamers. The gameplay is simple but enjoyable, with the basic jumping, grabbing, and platforming being very satisfying. Things get much trickier as platforms become smaller, pits become deeper and wider, and your double jump prowess is tested, which can be frustrating. However, it’s fun searching across these deceptively large areas looking for collectibles and locals to rescue, though it’s a shame there weren’t any bonus stages or extra content to mix up the gameplay. The game is also disappointingly short, easily beaten in a few hours, but I didn’t mind that as it was a lot of fun to look at and a nice, cosy experience despite some aggravating sections and confusing boss battles. Ultimately, there’s a lot to like here, with a few unlockables to aim for and extra paths to explore. Fans of Klonoa should enjoy the stunning visual makeover and fans of 2.5D platformers should appreciate the visuals, tight controls, and memorable characters.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Are you a fan of Klonoa: Door to Phantomile? If you’ve played the original version, what did you think to the Phantasy Reverie Series glow up and enhancements? Did you also struggle with the double and triple jump sections? Which of the game’s large, bizarre bosses was your favourite? Did you ever rescue all the lost locals? Which Klonoa game is your favourite and would you like to see the franchise make a comeback Whatever your thoughts on Klonoa, please leave them below and drop a donation on Ko-Fi to see more reviews like this.

Back Issues: Shinobi

Dr. K2 Comments
Writer: Alan McKenzie – Artist: Jon Haward

Story Title: “The Dark Circle”
Published: April / May 1993

Story Title: “The Fear Pavilion” (Part 1 to 6)
Published: 29 May 1993 to 7 August 1993

Story Title: “The Art of War” (Part 1 to 6)
Published: 5 February 1994 to 16 April 1994

Story Title: “Way of the Warrior”
Published: 23 April 1994

Story Title: “Power of the Elements” (Part 1 to 7)
Published: 4 March 1995 to 27 May 1995

The Background:
For a while there, back in the eighties and nineties, ninjas were a big deal in movies, comic books, cartoons, and videogames. Mysterious and deadly assassins often dogged comicdom’s most popular superheroes and these agile, well-armed martial artists also inspired some of the most difficult videogames of the era. In 1987, SEGA entered this arena with Shinobi, a challenging critical and commercial success that was later refined for its home console release. Director Noriyoshi Ohba pulled out all the stops for the sequel, The Revenge of Shinobi (SEGA, 1989), to showcase the capabilities of SEGA’s all-powerful Mega Drive. A notorious release praised for its visuals and gameplay variety and heralded as a Mega Drive classic, The Revenge of Shinobi spearheaded a brief period of relevancy for SEGA’s long-forgotten sub-series, with additional sequels and spin-offs released for their 8- and 16-bit consoles. These videogames also served as the basis for a series of comic strip adaptations exclusive to the United Kingdom. The first Shinobi strip appeared in the 1993 Sonic the Hedgehog Yearbook, the precursor to Sonic the Comic (StC), a fortnightly publication first debuting that same year and which I diligently collected as a kid until its unfortunate end in 2002. Joe Musashi featured in three multi-part adventures in the main comic over the course of three years, as well as a one-off appearance in the short-lived Sonic the Poster Mag, and his first six-part adventure was even collected in a trade paperback courtesy of Ravette Books. I have to admit, though, that I often skipped the Shinobi stories when I read StC as a kid so this will be my first time sitting down and giving them some attention for many years.

The Review:
When we first meet Joe Musashi, the titular Shinobi, in the 1993 Sonic the Hedgehog Yearbook, he’s in Tokyo, Japan and hot on the trail of his lover, Naoko, who’s been abducted by Neo Zeed, the same malevolent ninja clan that murdered Musashi’s teacher (or “sensei”) in what is essentially the same setup as in The Revenge of Shinobi. Musashi easily identifies a Neo Zeed hideout and blasts his way in with a touch of plastic explosive, only to be met by rats and dust. Taking a moment to explore using the mystic art of haregai (billed as a “sixth sense” employed by highly trained ninja), Musashi moves to an elaborate foyer, the omniscient narrator downplaying rumours that Neo Zeed have begun dabbling in dark magic, only to be surprised by a gas bomb. A black-clad ninja assaults Musashi through the smoke, blinding his haregai and striking from behind. Even when the smoke clears and the assailant (somewhat analogous to the Shadow Dancer boss encountered in The Revenge of Shinobi) reveals himself, Musashi’s senses are dulled and Shinobi struggles to stay conscious from the vicious assault. Rallying his celebrated ninjitsu skill, Musashi wields his Oborozuki blade and matches the ninja blow for blown, eventually emerging the superior and opting to spare his opponent’s life since Musashi has pledged to take a higher path. Despite his investigation leading to a dead end, Musashi disappears into the night still determined to find his kidnapped lover. This is where we find him in his first multi-part story in StC, sneaking into a towering pagoda controlled by Neo Zeed that’s somewhat similar to the beginning of The Revenge of Shinobi. After easily subduing the clan’s attack dogs, Musashi clambers up the pagoda wall using a grappling hook and clawed appendages on his gauntlets, sneaking behind two unsuspecting guards and non-lethally taking them out. Musashi sneaks through the building, passing the clan’s deadly training areas, and catching another group of ninjas as they drink saké. Demanding to be taken to Naoko, Shinobi is inevitably drawn into battle with the group, easily deflecting their shuriken and whacking them with the hilt of his sword.

Musashi infiltrates Neo Zeed’s pavilion, only to walk into a trap and run a dangerous gauntlet.

Despite their superior numbers and deadly weapons, Musashi triumphs but is frustrated when the final foe reveals Naoko isn’t in the pavilion and that he has been lured into a trap. Despite being warned of formidable martial artists awaiting him in the pavilion, Musashi descends downwards undeterred and meets an elderly warrior who presents himself as an ally and impresses Shinobi with his deft skill. Reagrdless of the threat, and the elder’s surprising speed, Musashi eventually ties the holy man up in his own robes, leaving him cursing on the floor. Next, Musashi comes across an elaborate stage and a Neo Zeed assassin painted like the Monkey King, a kabuki character renowned in Chinese opera for his kung-fu prowess. Attacking with a viciousness befitting of his clan and throwing Musashi off with his “monkey-style kung-fu”, the Monkey King proves a formidable threat…until Musashi rams the hilt of his sword into the foe’s gut, leaving him a winded and blubbering mess. On the next level of the titular fear pavilion, Musashi meets a muscular warrior who stomps about with stilts strapped to his legs. As if the additional power and reach offered by these appendages wasn’t enough, the fighter also mocks Musashi’s size and skill, breaking a few of Shinobi’s ribs, though Musashi cuts the warrior down to size and limps on. In the next room, Musashi is stunned to find Naoko waiting for him in an unguarded room, cautious despite his haregai not detecting any threat. His wariness turns out to be true as “Naoko” reveals herself to be “Water”, one of the legendary “Four Elements” who control Neo Zeed. Unprepared to face one of Neo Zeed’s daunting commanders and realising that he’s not only outmatched but that Naoko isn’t in the pavilion, Shinobi tosses a smoke bomb and flees from the hazardous pagoda, vowing to confront his enemy on equal ground later.

While his Sun Tzu needs some work, Musashi finally rescues his lover from Neo Zeed.

Sometime later, having recovered from his injuries, a disguised Musashi observes Neo Zeed’s corporate headquarters in downtown Tokyo. Seeing that the skyscraper is nigh-impenetrable and well-guarded, Musashi realises he needs to find another way inside and recalls not only the teachings of Sun Tzu but his training on Mount Hotaka five years previously. Back then, while Musashi’s skills impressed his sensei, he was chastised for his naivety regarding dishonourable methods, such as striking armed enemies from behind, since his foes will not adhere to the rules of Bushido. Musashi learned this the hard way as Neo Zeed poisoned the old man like cowards and kidnapped an innocent girl, so Musashi busts out a hang glider to cross to the skyscraper’s rooftop, reasoning that Neo Zeed wouldn’t anticipate such an attack. Again taking inspiration from Sun Tzu, Shinobi climbs down the building on a rope, slips inside via a conveniently open window, and accesses a computer terminal to better “know [his] enemy”. Musashi proves a master hacker, easily guessing Neo Zeed’s password and searching for Naoko. All too late, Musashi remembers how he honed his haregi through blindfold combat and equally learned that even this superhuman sense can be tricked, causing him to realise his actions have put the building on high alert. Although Shinobi easily subdues a heavily-armed guard, Neo Zeed’s ninjas pursue him down an elevator shaft and, facing a deadly plummet, seemingly breaks his no-killing rule before barely escaping through a ventilation shaft. Remembering his sensei’s teachings, which emphasised that winning is all that matters in a life-or-death confrontation, Musashi knocks out an amusingly inept ninja and assumes his identity only to walk into another trap! Musashi avoids flames, spikes, shuriken, and scythe-like blades but falls victim to a blast of knockout gas and is brought before the Void, Neo Zeed’s “supreme ninja”, who apparently has authority over even the Four Elements since he orders the hulking “Earth” around like a mere underling.

After humiliating the Void, Musashi makes chumps of the Yakuza and angers the Four Elements.

After finally reuniting with Naoko, Musashi springs up, fooling the Void’s minions with prana (death-like trance), and once again escapes rather than fight overwhelming odds. While Water is eager to pursue, the Void forces her to focus on the bigger picture; thus, Musashi and Naoko glide to safety and finally lovingly embrace. After returning Naoko home, Musashi pursues the Void to the Hakima industrial estate and, though he easily dispatches the supreme ninja’s underlings, Shinobi is overwhelmed by the grand master’s mystical power. Utilising the ancient “iron hand technique”, the Void not only physically overpowers Musashi, he also shatters his Oborozuki and leaves Shinobi desperate to come up with a counterattack that won’t violate his code against killing. Thus, Musashi utilises his prana again, focusing it through his body and into his hands to match the Void’s iron fist technique. While the supreme ninja mocks Shinobi’s efforts, their clash leaves the Void’s hand shattered and the Neo Zeed commander humbled. Spared by his foe, the Void has no choice but to slink away with Musashi’s warnings ringing in his ears. About a year later, the Four Elements, now directionless ronin, end up working for the Yakuza (the Japanese mafia) in downtown Tokyo, peddling drugs and gambling, and leading Musashi to track them to Yakuza boss Mitsugi’s casino. Frustrated at Mitsugi’s refusal to employ their unique talents and his ignorance about Musashi, the Four Elements gatecrash the boss’s poker night and demand satisfaction, which the heavily tattooed crime lord agrees to out of curiosity about Musashi. Thus, despite his clever disguise and dodging a barrage of shuriken, Musashi is easily subdued by “Air” and brought before Mitsugi. However, Musashi once again fools his foes with his prana, wounding Mitsugi with a kunai and the death of one of his minions (again, so much for that “no-kill” rule!) Seemingly wishing to see the Yakuza humbled, Water orders her cohorts not to interfere as Shinobi easily escapes their grasp with his patented somersault. Naturally, Mitsugi is displeased by Air’s deception since she knew that Shinobi wasn’t to be trifled with, but she emphasises that it was the only way to demonstrate Musashi’s threat and get approval to hunt Shinobi down.

After a hard fought battle, Musashi defeats the Four Elements but continues his vendetta against Neo Zeed.

Fleeing across the city’s rooftops, the disguised Musashi is jumped by the “Roofworlders”, vagrants who dwell above to avoid the “jackals” on the streets. Their leader, Kotomi-Sensei, recognises Musashi’s garb and, regretful of the attack, invites Shinobi to stay with them. While touring their makeshift shanty town, Musashi learns that Kotomi-Sensei rescued his fellow homeless and taught them to defend themselves. Though Shinobi doesn’t want to endanger the Roofworlders’ sanctuary by bringing the Yakuza to their doorstep, Kotomi-Sensei insists that, together, they can repel the attackers. While the Yakuza scoff at Air’s superstitions, her intuitions turn out to be correct as Shinobi and his new allies blindside her and her goons. Despite having some backup, Musashi is still sent reeling by the mystical power of Earth, which shakes the ground, though he quickly counters by knocking Air unconscious and sending Earth tumbling to the ground below after blinding him with a magnesium pellet. Simultaneously, “Fire” and Water rush Kotomi-Sensei, believing the old man is no threat, only for Wind to fly into a rage when this underestimation sees Fire reeling in agony from a nerve strike. Disturbed, the Four Elements order a tactical retreat, and Shinobi is kept from pursuing when Kotomi-Sensei is wounded by gunfire. Luckily, not only is this merely a flesh wound but the old man knows a mystical technique to heal his injuries. After regrouping, Musashi and the Roofworlders prepare for the inevitable counterattack, striking from the shadows to subdue the Four Elements’ Yakuza cronies. Though Fire tries to roast Kotomi-Sensei, the old man shields himself with a mystical barrier and the other Roofworlders battle the other warriors while Air once again fights with Musashi. Thanks to her agility and flight, Air soon has Musashi hanging on for dear life but, when he makes a desperate leap, she’s sent crashing into a wall. Though Kotomi-Sensei generates a sword of pure chi to battle Fire, he’s hit with the “poison hand technique” and left facing a swift death, which rallies his comrades to overpower Earth and dispel Fire and Water. Luckily, Musashi applies some chi of his own to save Kotomi-Sensei, though he politely refuses to stay with the Roofworlders since his war against Neo Zeed is far from over.

The Summary:
Yeah… there’s a reason I often skipped the Shinobi stories when reading Sonic the Comic. It was honestly rare for any of the backup stories based on SEGA’s other properties to be any good and some, like the Decap Attack (Vik Tokai, 1991) strips, far outstayed their welcome, and I have to say that Shinobi falls into this category as well. On the plus side, the art and writing is very consistent, with the same duo working on all of Joe Musashi’s appearances, and the stories have a far more mature edge compared to StC’s norm. While Musashi naturally has a code against killing and thus isn’t slicing his opponents up with his sword, there’s a touch of blood across these stories, many references to death, a fair bit of violence (Musashi gets his ass kicked a lot and even suffers broken ribs), and there is that one panel where a Yakuza gets gunned down! The writing does fall apart under close scrutiny, however, with Musashi being an avid reader of Sun Tzu and yet constantly being tricked and falling into obvious traps. He often finds innovative ways to counterattack physically superior foes and isn’t averse to fighting dishonourably, but it’s odd seeing his vow against killing be repeated so often and to then watch him send a ninja plummeting down an elevator shaft without even a moment’s reflection. I did like the flashbacks to his training, where Musashi was a capable and formidable warrior in all aspects of combat and yet still somewhat naïve, reluctant to break the Bushido code and needing to learn that the rules must be bent in real-world conflicts. He still sees himself as walking a higher path compared to his enemies, sparing their lives whenever he can and always attacking with the hilt of his sword or opting to knock out his enemies. However, even Shinobi still has much to learn as Kotomi-Sensei exhibits mystical abilities that dwarf even his unreliable haregai and his overused prana.

Musashi is a talented and formidable ninja, but also flawed at times and with much to learn.

Indeed, even Musashi scoffs at mysticism throughout these stories, which is a bit odd considering he utilises magic in the Shinobi games and later draws strength from the prana to match the Void’s iron hand technique and utilises chi to counteract the poison fist technique. Portrayed as a cunning and talented swordsman, Musashi is also a master of disguise, dressing up as an old man to case out Neo Zeed’s headquarters and Mitsugi’s casino and even stealing a ninja’s uniform at one point. Sure, he’s regularly discovered, or his deception is anticipated, but I appreciated the effort, at least. Musashi also has a fair few tricks up his sleeve; he doesn’t have his surfboard or canine companion, but he does use a hang glider, smoke bombs, and flash grenades. Although the stories focus more on their own narrative, one heavily inspired by The Revenge of Shinobi, a few elements from the videogame appear. Musashi deflects shuriken like in the opening, slashes his sword as he does during combat, and performs his rolling somersault, though very few of the enemies he faces or the locations he visits are from the games. This is a bit of a shame as it would’ve been nice to see the bosses used in place of the Four Elements and the masked Ninja Master instead the Void. Musashi’s primary goal is rescuing Naoko and bringing down Neo Zeed, just like in the videogame, though he encounters no knock-off characters, supercomputers, or robots here. He’s pretty much exclusively fighting ninjas, as in the original Shinobi, and is generally depicted as being superior to every foe thanks to his Bushido skills. Musashi fights with grace and intelligence, rarely blundering in head-first and never letting his emotions overwhelm him. Occasionally, his resolve does falter, such as when Water masquerades as Naoko or Kotomi-Sensei is endangered, but even then Shinobi gathers his strength and senses to fight back or retreats to regroup and return all the stronger.

There’s no or force Mushashi can’t overcome if he just tries a little harder or gets creative.

While Neo Zeed’s ninjas are no match for Shinobi, Musashi faces an uphill battle since he takes on the ninja clan alone. In “The Dark Circle”, Musashi’s haregai is rendered mute against his assailant’s speed and smoke and, unlike Shinobi, Neo Zeed are happy to kill, with the Monkey Kong proving an especially aggressive and dangerous foe due to his wild fighting stile. The stilt fighter also causes Musashi trouble, as does the old man waiting in “The Fear Pavilion”, though Musashi’s quest always drives him to overcome pain, superior numbers, and even more powerful opponents. While Neo Zeed rigorously trains its members and their locations are filled with traps and martial arts masters, Musashi’s rarely on the backfoot and, even when he is, it’s always revealed to be a ruse by his prana. While the Void is portrayed as a significant threat and certainly has an imposing presence, bossing about the Four Elements and displaying mystical power, he’s left broken and humbled by Musashi simply fighting better. The Four Elements are equally spoken of in hushed tones and Musashi even flees when ambushed by Water, but they’re painfully one note and their threat diminishes over time. Air and Water are given more dialogue and chances to match skills with Shinobi, who tires of their antics, meaning the surprisingly lethal Fire and the hulking Earth toil in the background. Mitsugi is by far the worst villain, happily lording over his criminal empire in ignorance and eager to learn more about Musashi despite literally having the Shinobi tattooed on his chest! It’s telling that Mitsugi vanishes halfway through “The Power of the Elements”; maybe he was to return in a future Shinobi story, as hinted at in the final text box, or maybe he was just a weak ass crime lord who took space away from the visually more engaging Four Elements. While Shinobi had a decent run in StC and there are some enjoyable elements to these strips, I can’t say I missed his presence after the stories ended, despite the loose ends left hanging at the end. There are far better backup stories based on SEGA properties in StC, but at least SEGA bothered to license the character and try and keep him relevant, which is more than can be said of how he’s been treated since the nineties!

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Shinobi’s appearances in Sonic the Comic? Which of his stories was your favourite and why? What did you think to the way they adapted elements of The Revenge of Shinobi and would you have liked to see something closer to the videogames? Were you surprised by how mature and violent the strips were? What did you think to the characterisation of Shinobi and his enemies? Would you have liked to see more Shinobi stories in StC? What were some of your favourite non-Sonic stories in Sonic the Comic? Let me know what you think in the comments, support me on Ko-Fi, and go check out my other Shinobi reviews.

Game Corner: Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master (Nintendo Switch)

Dr. K2 Comments

Released: 14 March 2018
Originally Released: 23 July 1993
Developer: SEGA
Also Available For: Mega Drive, Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo Wii, PC, PlayStation 2, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, PlayStation Portable (PSP), Xbox 360, Xbox One, Xbox Series S/X

The Background:
Ninjas were a big deal back in the day, whether they were mutated turtles, rainbow-coloured fighters, or mysterious assassins. Ninjas and videogames went hand in hand, resulting in titles so challenging that they defined a generation of players. Eager to have a piece of that pie, SEGA saw notable success with Shinobi (SEGA, 1987), a difficult but enjoyable arcade title later refined for home consoles. Director Noriyoshi Ohba aimed to make the sequel a technical showcase for the then-new Mega Drive hardware, one purpose-built for home consoles and which became notorious for including unlicensed appearances by pop culture icons. A widely praised release, The Revenge of Shinobi (SEGA, 1989) is now regarded as a classic of its generation and inspired not just a semi-recurring comic strip in the United Kingdom, but also a third game. Originally scheduled for release in 1992, Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master was vastly overhauled when the developers were dissatisfied with the original version, leading to a lot of content being cut and replaced with new mechanics. Though largely seen as being much easier than its predecessor, Shinobi III impressed with its refined gameplay mechanics and visual presentation, with many seeing it as the best of the classic Shinobi titles. This positive reception (and the lack of copyright issues compared to its predecessor) no doubt contributed to Shinobi III having a lucrative lifespan beyond the Mega Drive as the game was included in numerous SEGA collections, converted to 3D, and added to the Nintendo Switch’s online service in 2018, which eased the pain of how expensive an original copy can be.

The Plot:
When Neo Zeed returns under the command of the mysterious Shadow Master, the legendary Shinobi, Joe Musashi, fights to end their sinister bio- and cybernetic research.

Gameplay and Power-Ups:
Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master is the last of the Shinobi titles released for the Mega Drive and, like its predecessor, is an action/platformer with a strong emphasis on projectile-based combat. Like in the last game, players take Joe Musashi through multiple levels (or “Rounds”), each with at least three stages, though this time there are only seven Rounds. As before, there are four difficulty settings to choose from, with the harder settings dramatically reducing your total life count, and players can continue their game a handful of times if they exhaust all their lives. Unlike in The Revenge of Shinobi, however, Shinobi III’s control scheme is locked to a preset that maps your jump to A, tosses shuriken with B, and activates your “ninjitsu” magic with Y. You can still set how many shuriken you start with, however, and you can still pull off a somersault by pressing A at the height of your jump. Press B when somersaulting to unleash a shuriken spread to take out multiple enemies or press down on the directional pad to pull off a flying kick. As before, Musashi can assume a “defensive pose” to deflect incoming projectiles, but this is now done manually by holding B and you can even do it while crouching and crouch-walking. Shinobi can also dash by quickly tapping left and right, dramatically speeding up the action, wall jump by…jumping off walls…and cross gaps and hazards or navigate stages while clinging to ceilings, pipes, and such by holding B. Various goodies are found by smashing crates, ranging from health-restoring hearts, rare extra lives and ninjitsu replenishments, to additional shuriken and the ever-annoying time bomb. Musashi is far faster and more versatile this time around, moving at a swifter pace and boasting a few additional tricks to make combat and gameplay smoother. It’s still tricky pulling off his somersault and the wall jump can be finicky, but I found Shinobi III far more forgiving than its predecessor and focusing more on action than platforming.

Musashi is faster and more deadly than ever, to say nothing of a master rider and surfer!

Players can once again collect “Power-Ups” to boost Shinobi’s attacks, adding his deadly sword to his melee attack and block and transforming his shuriken into flaming projectiles. Players also gain points for every enemy defeated and item collected, and the end of Round score tally also adds points depending on if you used your ninjutsu magic or your remaining health. By pausing the game, players select which ninjitsu technique to use with Y, with each functioning exactly like The Revenge of Shinobi: Jutsu of Ikazuchi temporarily protects Shinobi with an electrical shield, Jutsu of Kariu summons flaming pillars to damage all enemies, Jutsu of Fushin enhances your jumping speed and height, and Jutsu of Mijin has Shinobi self-destruct (costing him a life) to destroy enemies. Only one of these can be used per life but you gain additional uses by finding items, though I found less use for them this time around as Shinobi is largely grounded and the game encourages you to wall jump and spider-walk to clear gaps. Musashi gains two additional abilities, the first being a horse and the second some bitchin’ surfin’ skills! Round 2 sees you racing across a marsh-like field on horseback, jumping obstacles and taking out enemies with your shuriken or ninjutsu. Round 4 has you surging across the water, jumping off ramps to collect items and avoid mines while defeating waves of enemies, with both instances functioning like autoscrolling shooter. Round 6 also sees you in freefall down a canyon, forcing you to hop to falling boulders to keep from dropping to your doom, while many stages force you to clamber to higher levels by finding surfaces to cling to (which isn’t always obvious).

Though more forgiving, some new gimmicks and refined mechanics add to the challenge.

Shinobi III is much more challenging, overall, than its predecessor, throwing far more enemies and hazards at you but with the caveat that most stages keep you quite grounded and I found extra lives a touch more plentiful. Bottomless pits are commonplace, of course, and many times platforms will either be temporary or will require time bombs to destroy so you can progress, but insta-kill hazards are limited to crushing spikes rather than lava pits. Sometimes, you must time your wall jumps and spider-walk to avoid electrified walls and ceilings; others, you cling to or run across conveyers to progress. There are instances where you ride platforms either across a zig-zag-like track or directly upwards, with Round 2 featuring a vertical autoscroller that’ll see you crushed or left behind if you don’t pay attention. Round 3 dumps you in a disgusting, bio-organic nest where the sticky ground slows your movement and Round 4 sees you hopping to sinking barrels around an oil rig, leaping to firmer ground before you drown. Round 5 mimics a similar stage from The Revenge of Shinobi in that you can somersault over chain-link fences but, this time, you must also avoid hidden mines that eventually explode under your feet! Toxic goop, electrical sparks, and support beams hanging under Neo Zeed’s fancy blimp all make traversal an issue in their own way. Round 7 takes you inside the blimp, where drones attack as you ride a precarious moving platform, while the final area of this stage features platforming and skill-based challenges so troublesome that no enemies are required! As if tricky jumps weren’t bad enough, Round 6 puts you in a mist-filled pagoda where spikes jut from the ground and another damn door maze awaits! This was much simpler to figure out compared to the one in The Revenge of Shinobi (I simply guessed the route by taking the high ground), though made more challenging since enemies respawn each time you looped around!

Presentation:
Although Shinobi III is visually very similar to its predecessor, there have been a few improvements between the games. Musashi still doesn’t have an idle pose, but his sprite is much bigger, more detailed, and versatile thanks to his expanded move set. He now grabs the hilt of his sword when powered-up, cuts a mean pose when surfing, and blood splatters whenever he or his enemies take damage! While many sound effects are unchanged from The Revenge of Shinobi and enemies still explode in spectacular fashion, the soundtrack is overall inferior to the last game. Obviously, I have more nostalgia for The Revenge of Shinobi so I’m naturally biased towards that game, but Shinobi III really disappointed in its tracks, and in the less visually interesting enemies (especially compared to the beta version). However, larger enemies (such as samurai and various mechs) do appear more often, almost as mini bosses, and you’ll face far greater numbers and waves of enemies, with no visible slowdown or performance issues. I liked that the bombs now had a visual timer, the additional weather effects (such as rain, wind, and parts of the environment reacting to these elements), and the greater depth added to the backgrounds. Stages are far more detailed, lively, and have many more instances of parallax scrolling, making for a technically more impressive title. This is best felt in the expanded introduction (featuring a larger, more impressive, animated interpretation of Musashi), the new map screen, and the detailed artwork that pops up after you clear a Round. The game also features more story text at the start and end, and even end credits this time around (though there’s only one ending in Shinobi III).

The visuals and gameplay are vastly improved over the last game, resulting in a more impressive title.

Things start with a visual bang in Round 1’s dense forest, with grass and leaves rustling in the wind, which leads into a dank, dark cave filled with waterfalls and rippling water. I loved the marsh lands and docks that rush past in Round 2 and 4, respectively, which see clouds, kites, and tanks in the distance. The cyberpunk-like city of Round 2, the industrial factory/oil rig of Round 4, and the cybernetic research area seen in Round 5 were all worlds above the visuals offered in the last game, with foreground elements (mostly trees, pipes, and other machinery) bringing each area alive and never being too intimidating in how cluttered they were. While Round 6 was mostly relegated to a grey canyon, I loved the sense of speed as you fall to certain doom, though the night sky and full Moon are done far better in Round 7, where thick clouds rush past. Rounds 3 and 5 impressed me the most, however. Round 3 takes place in an ominous, high-tech bio-weapon facility where Neo Zeed’s bizarre abominations and brain-like experiments slumber or burst free from captivity. This leads to a revolting sewer where Neo Zeed dispose of their toxic waste and experiments, meaning the surfaces are teeming with sticky, biological sludges and malformed monsters lurk. Round 5 takes the military base from the last game and sets it against a raging inferno and explosive oil drums, then sees you slashing through another high-tech factory, this one with molten metal bubbling in the background and ominous, vaguely familiar mechanical dinosaurs waiting to be activated. The final battle occurs in a bizarre, cyberspace-like environment that really messes with your mind, while additional lighting effects and environmental details add a level of polish to the Shinobi formula that keeps it both traditional and bizarre and better showcases the Mega Drive’s power.

Enemies and Bosses:
Neo Zeed’s forces are once again primarily comprised of ninjas and soldiers, though these are noticeably cybernetically enhanced. Ninjas drop from trees, somersault over you, toss shuriken, and fly about on bat-like wings, as before, and come in different colours to indicate when you’re getting closer to the big bad. Larger samurai guard the tunnels in Round 1, slashing an energy wave and cutting with their large katana, though these are defeated as easily as the regular ninjas. The soldiers still fire machine guns, but now use mortals rather than grenades and there are no Marines bolstering their ranks, though red-clad female assassins still pop up. Ninjas now ride futuristic hoverbikes, pilot mechs, and are joined by odd, blowpipe-firing figures and floating kabuki-style warriors who emit flame bursts. Crawling brains and sludge monsters attack in the depths of Neo Zeed’s laboratory, soldiers wield laser rifles, shields, and boomerang-like projectiles, and mutated bugs, laser turrets, and persistent drones also await your presence. Steam bursts from vents, enemies crawl on ceilings like spiders, and more mini bosses appear during your playthrough. These include the return of the agile and Shadow Dancer (who now rains spears while jumping around), a gauntlet against an army of mutated brains as toxic goop bubbles nearby, large mechs that dash and attack with rapid-fire pulse cannons, and Karura, a lance-carrying bird man who attacks as you plummet in Round 6 and becomes invulnerable when seen as a whirring blur of feathers. You’ll also take on another supercomputer, though this one zaps you with an electrical field and fires explosive shells into the arena. Round 4 ends with a two-phase battle against an intimidating mech boss that begins as little more than a giant cannon in the water and soon takes to the air and requires you to blast away its cannon and shield before attacking its main body.

Some bizarre and gigantic bosses set the stage for the game’s formidable final challenge.

The first boss you face is another giant samurai, one mutated to sport four arms (two holding katana and two wielding a spear). Though you can’t hop to the high ground and this guy can dash, it’s easy enough to jump over him, use your somersault attack, or roast him with Jutsu of Kariu. Shinobi III takes a turn into the bizarre and macabre in Round 3, which sees Musashi targeted by a gigantic, malformed blob of mewling flesh while navigating the sewers and then facing off with the ghastly abomination. It lumbers in from the right or emerges from the disgusting ground, tossing chunks of flesh or swiping with its deformed hand, and noticeably degrades as you deal damage to its drooping eyes. While Shinobi III opts not to tow the line between parody and copyright infringement with its enemies and bosses, the developers couldn’t help but include an appearance from Mechagodzilla in Round 5. This gigantic, impressively detailed sprite emerges from the darkness and plods about in the background, breathing fire and raining debris. After destroying its head, it’ll unleash a barrage of projectiles from its chest, making this a tricky encounter even though touching it doesn’t hurt you. Round 6 ends with a rematch against Neo Zeed’s big boss, a squat, masked, demonic figure who whips his hair. This time, the fight occurs in a dark room full of doors that the masked fiend emerges from, tricking you with a duplicate. Though the fight is noticeably easier, it can be tough picking the right one and he becomes more aggressive, flinging a spread of darts after enough hits. This time, the final battle is against the Shadow Master, which is a two-phase affair fought in a psychedelic environment. The Shadow Master is super-fast and aggressive, leaping about, tossing kunai, teleporting, rushing at you with a sword, and delivering an explosive hit. After enough damage, he powers up and tosses energy projectiles, a flurry of blasts, and a charged shot from his arm.

Additional Features:
While Shinobi III is quite a challenge even on “Easy”, you can make things even more difficult by selecting harder difficulties, thus limiting your lives and continues. While you can accumulate points, there’s still no high score table to put your name on, though the “Options” menu has been expanded to include sound effects and voices. As in The Revenge of Shinobi, you can grant yourself unlimited shuriken with a simple trick but, even better, Shinobi III features an invincibility cheat activated by playing certain songs in the right order. Not that you really need that when playing this version of the game as the Nintendo Switch offers rewind and save state features to cut the challenge off at the knees. Finally, if you’re playing the version included in the SEGA Mega Drive Ultimate Collection (Backbone Entertainment, 2009), you get an Achievement for finishing the first stage without a continue and, in the SEGA Mega Drive Classics collection (SEGA/D3T, 2018), you get an Achievement if you beat any level without tossing a shuriken.

The Summary:
I never grew up playing Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master, so I don’t have the same level of nostalgia for it as for The Revenge of Shinobi. However, this did everything I’d expect from a sequel: it took what worked in the last game and expanded upon it. The visuals are greatly improved, with Joe Musashi being much faster and tighter to control. His additional moves and abilities were a welcome inclusion, mitigating my difficulties at mastering his somersault and adding an extra layer to the platforming and jumping challenges. I appreciated the added emphasis on fast-paced, hack-and-slash combat and the autoscrolling sections, which nicely broke up the gameplay and served as fun distractions. While the soundtrack was disappointing and I wasn’t blown away by the enemies, the bosses were a big step up from the last game. There are more of them, for starters, and the developers shied away from ripping off pop culture characters for some gruesome, intimidating, and fun affairs that better test your skills as a player. I did find the ninjitsu a bit wasted here, however, and it was a shame Musashi didn’t gain new magic or power-ups to use, but the visual variety offered by the stage design more than made up for it. I appreciated that the game veered more towards the surreal and science-fiction to try and mix things up, and that you were rewarded for playing well in stages. There are few cheap deaths and hazards here, and the game does get very challenging when you’re presented with small platforms, temporary ground, and tricky jumps. I can see this being aggravating on original hardware, but this version of the game makes it a breeze even without the invincibility code. Ultimately, while I would probably still choose to play The Revenge of Shinobi due to my nostalgia for that title, Shinobi III was a worthy follow-up that vastly improved almost every aspect of its sequel, making it equally good in my eyes.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

What did you think to Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master? How do you think it compares to The Revenge of Shinobi and what did you think to Musashi’s new abilities? Were you also disappointed by the soundtrack and the lack of new ninjutsu magic? What did you think to the new bosses and how bizarre some of them were? Did you enjoy the autoscrolling sections and manage to beat the game on original hardware? Which Shinobi game is your favourite? Let me know your thoughts and memories of Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master in the comments, support me on Ko-Fi, and check out my other Shinobi reviews.

Mini Game Corner: Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi (Xbox Series X)

Dr. K1 Comment

Released: 29 May 2018
Originally Released: 1 December 1990
Developer: SEGA
Also Available For: Mega Drive, Nintendo Wii, PC, PlayStation 2, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, PlayStation Portable (PSP), Xbox One, Xbox Series S

A Brief Background:
Back in the day, for a while there, ninjas were the latest craze, appearing as mutated turtles, rainbow-coloured fighters, or mysterious assassins, especially in videogames, where the challenge of ninja-based titles defined a generation of gamers. SEGA’s bid to get involved in the fad resulted in notable success with Shinobi (SEGA, 1987), a taxing but praised arcade title that was improved for home consoles. While its Mega Drive sequel, The Revenge of Shinobi (SEGA, 1989), was met with widespread praise, Shinobi’s first sequel was actually an arcade release just like the original game. Boasting improved graphics and teaming Joe Musashi with a canine companion, Shadow Dancer (ibid) released the same year as The Revenge of Shinobi and was largely praised, despite some aggravating mechanics. While a port was released for the Master System in some territories, the Mega Drive version was noticeably different, adding additional gameplay gimmicks while also being far more faithful to the arcade title than Shinobi’s previous home conversions. Well received at the time and standing the test of time as another classic title for the 16-bit powerhouse, Shadow Dancer was often included in subsequent collections, including the SEGA Mega Drive Classics collection that added a few quality of life mechanics to the game.

The Review:
I was all ready to do one of my regular lengthy reviews about Joe Musashi/Shinobi’s quest for revenge against the Union Lizard ninjas, only to find that Shadow Dancer adheres a little too closely to its arcade roots and therefore is too short to warrant a longer review. Like in the original arcade title, players run, jump, and toss shuriken though five levels (referred to as “Rounds”, with three stages each (the third being a boss battle). Players won’t need to worry about their health here as Musashi once again keels over and dies if he takes a single hit, though he can bounce and bump off enemies and some hazards so it’s only attacks that kill him. Like in The Revenge of Shinobi, players can set the game’s difficulty level, changing the title screen and increasing the number of enemies while decreasing the player’s continues, and will rescue hostages in each stage. Male hostages add to the player’s score, with a final tally adding additional points once a Round is cleared, while female hostages upgrade Musashi’s attacks and see him fling flaming projectiles and throw flaming kicks rather than using his sword for close-quarters combat. Players can add an additional challenge by disabling the shuriken (a death sentence if I ever saw one) and can pick from four different control types. I chose Type B, which mapped the jump to the A button, shuriken to the X button (with no rapid-fire option available), and Shinobi’s patented ninjutsu magic to the B button. Like in the original Shinobi, players are assigned different ninjutsu for each stage and only get one use per stage, earning a point bonus if they finish without using their magic. Musashi can conjure flaming pillars, whirling tornados, and a meteor storm to destroy all enemies, which is handy when you’re swarmed by ninjas. You’re also playing against a three-minute timer (though I always had plenty of time) and can occasionally collect extra lives by finding Union Lizard tokens.

Cut down repetitive ninjas alongside Shinobi’s near-useless canine companion in this challenging quest.

Though he lacks his somersault and shuriken spread and more versatile ninjutsu magic from The Revenge of Shinobi, Musashi can still duck, avoid projectiles using crates and boxes, and hop to higher ground or over fences by holding up and pressing the jump button. This is useful for evading enemies, finding hostages, and getting around some hazards and obstacles, though some enemies can follow you. The game’s big gimmick is the large white canine who fights alongside you. By holding the attack button, players charge a meter and, when released, Yamato pounces upon nearby enemies, distracting them so Shinobi can attack. If players don’t time the button press correctly, Yamato takes a hit and temporarily reverts to a useless puppy, though this mechanic was nowhere near as useful as it could’ve been. I found Yamato often wouldn’t attack and just yapped away uselessly. It would’ve been nice to see him have a more versatile move set, like giving you a jump boost, activating levers, collecting power-ups, or acting as a health bar of sorts so Shinobi can survive one measly hit! As ever, you must avoid bottomless pits and raging waters, though there are some interesting gimmicks that make Shadow Dancer stand out. Round 1-2 features a fun earthquake that splits the screen, for example, Round 3-2 takes place entirely on a rising elevator, Round 4-2 sees the environment and enemies obscured by sporadic shadows in a neat effect, and Round 5-1 is a multi-room gauntlet against swarms of the game’s toughest enemies. Shadow Dancer is incredibly unforgiving at times thanks to its one-hit-kill mechanic, with enemies circling and bouncing you around or knocking you down pits. However, you can hold the Left Trigger to rewind the game, hold “Home” to create or load a save state, and use the Right Trigger to fast forward the action. As in the original arcade Shinobi, a Bonus Round breaks up the action between Rounds. In this section, you frantically toss shuriken at ninjas as Shinobi dives from a skyscraper, earning additional points to claim a few more extra lives depending on how many you kill off.

Some cheap, weird-ass bosses block your path in this bizarre adventure.

Musashi battles a handful of enemies in his quest for revenge. Mercenaries fire laser pistols, taking cover to avoid your shuriken, while their larger commanders shield themselves and toss their shields at your head or shins. Four different coloured ninja grunts regularly throw punches, stab with knives, or carry spears. The claw-handed Iron Claws leap in and roll about, frog-like Geckos crawl around the environment, and an attack helicopter takes shots as you scale the Statue of Liberty. Colourful, nimble ninja also teleport in, wielding dual katana and somersaulting about, slashing at you and attacking in large groups, deflecting your shots and being tougher to kill depending on their colour (with black being the worst!) Each Round ends in a battle against the big bad Sauros’s “Aides” (though, ironically, the titular Shadow Master isn’t amongst them) not unlike those of the original Shinobi. Each appears in a flash of lightning, has a health bar, is fought in an enclosed arena, and players must fight without Yamato or Musashi’s powered-up attacks. Stomper is a giant, distinctly beetle-like samurai who, like Shinobi’s Ken-Oh, spits fireballs that are tricky to dodge. This is compounded by his massive hit box, the debris he rains down, and how tricky it can be to hit his helmet. Mirage is a nimble dominatrix who leaps off screen and tosses large buzzsaws, which she also uses to shield her vulnerable head. At the end of Round 3, Sauros brings a brick wall to life. This screaming monster randomly spawns across the background and attacks by extending and dropping its hands towards you, which are pretty difficult to avoid. Round 5 sees you battle Blade, a spinning, pentagram-like Catherine Wheel that circles your falling platform and tries to roast you, though you can easily spam your shuriken when it stays still. After battling past Sauros’s gauntlet, you face the main man reptile himself in a pretty anti-climactic confrontation. Sauros simply sits on his throne and spawns black ninjas to distract you, eventually detaching his helmet to rain fireballs into the throne room. This is your chance to attack the glowing orb that is his weak spot but be sure to position yourself between the flames!

A visually impressive but lacklustre and unfairly difficult arcade port.

Shadow Dancer looks pretty good, being about on par with The Revenge of Shinobi and featuring large, well detailed sprites. While Musashi doesn’t show much personality, Yamato helps add some visual variety, which the sprites need as there is only a handful of enemies and they’re constantly recycled. Things get off to a decent start with an impressive bit of sprite animation and story text. Each Round is introduced with a big, but partially obscured map and sees Shinobi leap into action, and players are initially dropped into a desolate, seemingly post-apocalyptic city. The background is in flames, the buildings are wrecked, ninja burst from the windows, fire spews from the sewers, and debris falls from the sky! Round 2 sees you first traversing a partially destroyed bridge and then battling across disused railroad tracks, hopping to a rail cart and over fences, while Round 4 takes place in a desolate cavern that tests your platforming skills. Although Round 5 is a largely unimpressive warehouse, Round 3 sees you scaling the Statue of Liberty, hopping up girders and supports, and taking a lift to the torch, with Lady Liberty and New York City in the background. The music is pretty upbeat and fitting for the action, though there’s nothing as memorable as in The Revenge of Shinobi, and players are treated to a bit of partially animated sprite art and ending text upon completion. This version of the game offers filters to recreate the good old 16-bit days, screen borders, a mirror mode for an additional challenge, and two special challenges. If you complete the first two stages without using your magic, you’ll get an Achievement and if you can beat a stage with Yamato in his puppy form, you’ll either earn another Achievement if that’s the first Challenge you completed or be one step towards another Achievement.

The Summary:  
Wow, I was so disappointed by Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi. I think I must’ve gotten the game confused with the far superior third game in the series as, while the game looks about on par with The Revenge of Shinobi, this is more like a visually improved version of the original, notoriously challenging arcade Shinobi. Joe Musashi lacks all of his improved moves and versatility from Revenge in favour of a cute canine who’s criminally underutilised. I barely used Yamato he was so useless, and it says a lot when your 16-bit, arcade-perfect videogame lacks mechanics that were included in the 8-bit port of Shinobi! Shadow Dancer would offer a decent challenge if not for the archaic and unfair one-hit-kills, which strangely carry over from the arcade version despite them being eliminated in other home console Shinobi games. While the game looks great and it can be fun searching for hostages, it’s pretty barebones, with only five Rounds and extremely limited ninjutsu magic, meaning you’re more likely to rely on your shuriken. Enemies were also painfully recycled, lacking any of the character and personality of those from The Revenge of Shinobi, and the plot is strangely bonkers, focusing on a lizard man with a ninja army? I’m not sure what the titular “secret” of Shinobi was supposed to be or why the game is called Shadow Dancer when that enemy doesn’t even appear, or why SEGA didn’t feel fit to enhance the arcade title to be more in line with the improvements made in The Revenge of Shinobi. If you’re going to play Shadow Dancer, this version is probably the best way since you can exploit the rewind and save state features, but this was a disappointingly hollow experience that didn’t do justice to what the Mega Drive – or the franchise – was capable of.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi? How do you think it compares to the arcade version and other 16-bit Shinobi titles? Were you also disappointed that it included one-hit kills and greatly limited your options? What did you think to Yamato and how useful did you find him? Which of the bosses was your favourite and what do you think the “secret” of Shinobi was? Which Shinobi game is your favourite? Let me know what you think about Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi in the comments, send me some coppers on Ko-Fi, and go read my other Shinobi reviews.