horror

Movie Night [Friday the 13th]: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Dr. K2 Comments

Long considered an unlucky day due to superstitions involving the number thirteen and religious connotations, Friday the 13th is equally well-known as a long-running series of slasher movies. As a result, this is clearly the best opportunity to take a look at the Friday the 13th (Various, 1980 to 2009) horror series and to commemorate this unlucky and dreaded date.

Released: 28 July 1989
Director: Rob Hedden
Distributor: Paramount Pictures

Budget: $5.1 to 5.5 million
Box Office: $14.3 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 11% / 26%

Quick Facts:
The sequel to fan favourite entry Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (Buechler, 1988), Jason Takes Manhattan was originally conceived to return Lar Park Lincoln to the franchise before director Rob Hedden pushed to get series killer Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) out of his comfort zone. Budgetary concerns scuppered Hedden’s ambitious ideas and forced him to film mostly in Vancouver, meaning the film failed to deliver on its title and is largely seen as one of the worst in the franchise.

The Review:
After being trapped beneath Crystal Lake at the end of The New Blood, undead maniac Jason Voorhees has again passed into legend, spoken of as a bogeyman to locals like Jim Miller (Todd Shaffer) and Suzy Donaldson (Tiffany Paulsen). As the high school seniors canoodle on a small yacht on the clearly freezing cold lake, they have no idea that Jason’s rotting corpse is trapped below. After giving Suzy a scare with a heavily truncated version of Jason’s backstory and donning an incredibly faithful replica of the killer’s mask, Jim nonchalantly drops anchor, snagging an underwater power line and resurrected Jason through the power of electricity. Pissed after having his nap disturbed, Jason climbs aboard and slaughters the two, disconnecting the anchor and accidentally drifting away from Crystal Lake and to the Big Apple! Oh no, wait, that doesn’t happen as that would actually make sense and deliver on the title! Instead, Jason sneaks onto the nearby SS Lazarus, a steamship chartered to take Jim and Suzy’s fellow graduates to New York City. Unseen by all except a crazed deck hand (Alex Diakun), whose warnings naturally go unheeded, Jason picks off a new batch of unsuspecting and largely horny twenty-somethings teenagers. While the ship is populated by colourful, if painfully one-dimensional characters, our main protagonist and ultimate “Final Girl” is Rennie Wickham (Jensen Daggett), a somewhat withdrawn and quiet girl with a crippling fear of water. After losing her parents as a child, Rennie was raised by her uncle, Doctor Charles McCulloch (Peter Mark Richman), an uptight and demanding authoritarian who doubles as the school’s Biology teacher and is aghast when Rennie’s English teacher, Colleen Van Deusen (Barbara Bingham), encourages Rennie to make the trip to face her fears alongside her dog, Toby (Ace).

Haunted by a past encounter with Jason, Rennie struggles with her fears and overprotective uncle.

Charles is extremely overprotective of Rennie, aggressively dismissing Sean Robertson (Scott Reeves) from pursuing Rennie and shielding her at all times, often to Rennie’s detriment. Charles is so focused on laying down the law he completely misses that Rennie has a psychic connection to Jason, whom Chrles regards as a long dead superstition. It’s later revealed that young Rennie (Amber Pawlick) had a particularly harrowing experience when her uncle pushed her into Crystal Lake to force her to learn how to swim. Scared by her uncle’s warnings that young Jason (Tim Mirkovich) would drag her under, young Rennie encountered (or possibly imagined) the mongoloid grabbing her leg, leaving her deathly afraid of water and haunted by visions of the drowning Jason begging for help. This aspect isn’t explored much and seems to be a manifestation of Rennie’s fear of water rather than a true connection to Jason. It’s a bit of a shame as it might’ve been a nice twist for Jason to pursue Rennie either to silence the voices in his head or to finish the job he started as a boy, though this latter idea is equally perplexing as Jason was never trapped in the lake as a child so I assume the lake is haunted by his spirit? It’s quite muddy and open to interpretation, but also barely utilised, which is a shame as Rennie could’ve used the character development. Sean is similarly uncharismatic, simply being a handsome young man to protect and worry about Rennie. He gets some wrinkles thanks to the pressure put upon him by his father, Admiral John Robertson (Warren Munson), which sees Sean reject his father’s expectations and then unconvincingly try to maintain order once Jason’s rampage is discovered. I quite liked the close relationship Rennie shared with Coleen, who encourages her passion for writing and stands up to Charles, but none of these aspects are as entertaining or as interesting as they could be as they’re just window-dressing to the carnage.

In a boat load of one-dimensional victims, Julius shines as a charismatic stand out.

Unsurprisingly, the kids aboard the SS Lazarus are largely there to look good and die in creative (if severely butchered) ways. There are some clichés, of course, such as bitchy Tamara Mason (Sharlene Martin), who uses film nerd Wayne Webber (Martin Cummins) to blackmail Charles, purposely shoves Rennie overboard out of spite, and flaunts her sexuality in front of any good-looking guy she sees. Tamara is joined by Eva Watanabe (Kelly Hu), who initially tries to emulate her but cuts ties with her after the Rennie incident but doesn’t really do anything else. They perv on boxers Jason Newston (David Jacox) and standout character Julius Gaw (V.C. Dupree), whose whole thing is…well, boxing. Yet, Julius stands out as he defies Charles’s attempts to take control when the bodies pile up, grabs a shotgun to chase Jason, and is eager to confront two street punks (Sam Sarkar and Michael Benyaer) when they abduct Rennie in New York. Julius has far more charisma than bland-ass Sean, stealing every scene with his easy-going, snarky attitude and even daring to go one-on-one with Jason, despite being outmatched. Jason’s victims are rounded out by rocker J.J. Jarrett (Saffron Henderson), who could’ve been a cool, colourful addition but is instead reduced to being his incredibly underdeveloped first victim, and a bunch of forgettable, interchangeable students and ship workers who are either taken out by Jason or left to drown when he scuppers the Lazarus. It’s crazy that the film not only drops the ball on its title but also does nothing interesting with a boat full of horny, drunken, stoned students. We barely see them interacting in a social setting, there is no sex and barely any sexual activity between them beyond Tamara’s unsuccessful seduction of Charles, and all we ever see them do is wander the ship or react to whatever new problem Jason’s caused.

Sadly, Jason’s hampered by some butchered kills, an awful look, and by barely being in New York.

By this point, this is largely to be expected as Jason was the established star by this eighth movie. There’s no sense of dread or suspense to Jason as we clearly see him enter scenes or follow him as he stalks his prey with a hulking menace, sadly all while sporting an obvious visual downgrade from the last film. Depicted as strangely white and constantly wet and slimy, Jason sloshes his way though the ship seemingly at random, bashing J.J.’s head in with her guitar, thrusting a steaming hot sauna rock into Jason’s stomach, slitting Admiral Robertson’s throat (and leaving him propped up against the wheel for Sean to find), and stabbing Tamara with a mirror shard. Very few of these deaths are shown, of course, leaving us with a glimpse of the bloody aftermath. Much of Jason’s terror relies on jump scares as he now blatantly teleports from scene to scene to ambush his victims or get ahead of them, even when clearly seen to be some distance away seconds before. This ability is kind of fun and speaks to Jason’s unstoppable nature, but also inconsistent as he choses to pursue Rennie and Sean through New York rather than simply teleporting ahead. There are some interesting changes to Jason’s character, though, such as his legend evolving into a warning for inexperience swimmers and him apparently being both a physical force and a grotesque apparition that lurks under Crystal Lake and haunts Rennie. This child-like form constantly changes in every appearance, becoming more monstrous as the film goes on, and is always begging for help, tying into Jason as a tragic horror villain. However, this plot thread goes nowhere and means nothing. There’s no sense that Jason is trying to reunite with or destroy his boyish spirit, or that his child self is trying to help Rennie. Her psychic connection to Jason seems to lure him to her and even has him accidentally saving her from being raped, but that’s about it, making it a bizarre inclusion.

Jason meets a lacklustre end in the sewers courtesy of a flood of toxic waste.

Indeed, we’re almost encouraged to celebrate Jason’s actions, especially once the survivors reach Vancouver New York and it’s revealed just how much of a bastard Charles is. Sure, it’s sad to see Jason smash Julius’s head off and how casually he throttles Eva and shockingly (pun intended) seeing him toss Wayne’s body into the ship’s electricals, but he also murders the gang bangers who dose Rennie with…something (I assume it’s heroin?) and threaten to rape her. It takes a good hour or so for Jason to reach New York, and then another ten to fifteen minutes for him to escape the dingy docks and back alleys and stalk through Times Square. These were some great shots and it’s fun seeing Jason walk the streets, smash through a diner, and ride the subway all while barely attracting a glance from the disinterested New Yorkers. Sadly, as many have stated, Jason doesn’t “take” Manhattan in the slightest and is barely seen in the iconic city as the film spends more time pissing away the boat premise and having the survivors flee through alleys and sewers. Desperate to escape Jason, Rennie and Sean head into the surprisingly spacious sewer tunnels, only to learn that they flood with toxic waste every midnight (because…of course they do!) Since Jason decides not to employ his teleporting powers, this leads to a somewhat tense chase and a somewhat horrifying moment when Rennie tosses toxic waste into Jason’s face and leaves him a mewling, semi-skeletal wreck that’s somehow his worst unmasked appearance. As Sean and Rennie struggle with a sewer grate, Jason staggers after them, only to be swamped by the toxic waste, him somehow spewing up vile liquid and crying for his mother as he’s hit. The toxic waste melts Jason and washes his remains away, leaving Rennie with a vision of his unconscious child form to symbolise her overcoming her fears (I guess?) Rennie and Sean then reunite with Toby and are left wandering New York, apparently having defeated Jason in the most mediocre way possible.

Final Thoughts:
Fun fact: This was the second Friday the 13th film I ever saw, after Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (McLoughlin, 1986), so I’ve always had a touch of nostalgia for it. However, even I cannot defend this one. The franchise had well and truly run out of steam and ideas by this point and that’s reflected in the desperate decision to try something new. Ironically, placing Jason on a ship or in a big city could’ve been really good ideas if the film had committed to them and done them in interesting ways. I almost understand how restrictive it would be having Jason wander around New York without much purpose but promising that and then confining him to a boat was a ridiculous decision. The main portion of the film might’ve been fun if they boat had been livelier, full of sex and drink and over the top characters doing horny teenage things, all while Charles scowls in the background and Jason brutalises the kids one by one. Instead, the setting is as wasted as the city scenes, which are so obviously not in New York that it makes you wonder why the filmmakers bothered. It’s such a shame as there are some good ideas here, such as Jason’s legend having different layers, Rennie’s connection to him, and the suggestion that there’s some kind of bond between them. However, none of that is developed in a meaningful way so it feels like a waste of time, especially as Rennie is such a boring character despite her past trauma. While Kane Hodder physically embodies the role like no other, Jason looks awful here, especially when unmasked, and the kills are completely forgettable save for Julius having his head knocked off. I imagine even die-hard Friday the 13th fans struggle to defend this one, which is such a let-down in every sense of the word that you’re better off skipping it and watching any of the previous entries instead.

My Rating:

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Terrible

Do you agree that Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan is one of the worst in the franchise? If you consider it a guilty pleasure…why? Were you disappointed that Rennie’s past/psychic connection with Jason wasn’t explored more? Which of kills was your favourite and what did you think to Jason’s demise? How annoyed were you to find that Jason barely spends any time in New York? Which Friday the 13th film are you watching today? Use the comments below to tell me what you thought of Jason Takes Manhattan, support me on Ko-Fi, and check out my other horror content.

Back Issues [Sci-Fanuary]: The Fly: Outbreak #1-5

Dr. K1 Comment

January celebrates two notable dates in science-fiction history: “National Science Fiction Day” on January 2 to coincide with the birth of world renowned sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov, and 12 January being when Arthur C. Clarke’s HAL 9000 was created. Accordingly, I dedicate January to celebrating sci-fi in all its forms.

Writers: Brandon Seifert and Denton J. Tipton – Artists: mention3 and David Stoupakis

Story Title: “The Book of Transgenesis”
Published: March 2015

Story Title: “Quarantine”
Published: April 2015

Story Title: “Metamorphosis”
Published: May 2015

Story Title: “All Hell Breaks Loose”
Published: June 2015

Story Title: “The Book of Revelation”
Published: July 2015

Quick Facts:
Published by IDW Comics, this five-issue miniseries does what director David Cronenberg and star Jeff Goldblum could not by continuing the lauded world of The Fly (1986) and its under-rated sequel, and impressed with its respect to the source material and atmospheric artwork.

The Review:
The Fly: Outbreak picks up some years after The Fly II (Walas, 1989) to find Martin Brundle now a certified PhD and still working on his father’s Telepods. Specifically, Martin has been trying to cure (or at least regress) the fly genes he transferred into his devious adopted father, Doctor Anton Bartok. Despite his genius, Martin is frustrated by failure and intimate probing from his assistant, Noelani Tanaka, who questions why he doesn’t want to have children. This sore subject rears its head later that night while Martin’s celebrating his anniversary with his wife, Beth Logan, who attempts to spice things up with sadomasochistic sex toys. Martin angrily stops this bizarre sexy time when Beth refuses to use protection but, while he insists he’s trying to protect her from his “buggy genes”, Beth takes this as a rejection and bitterly criticises him for putting barriers between them. To make things worse, Martin’s experiments “upregulated” Bartok’s insect genes, transforming him into a monstrous (if strangely beautiful) winged man-bug that rampages through the facility. Though he rejects Bartok as his father, Martin insists on confronting him, using a handy-dandy translator pad to communicate with the mutated industrialist. When Martin’s efforts to reason with the Bartockfly fail and result in bystanders being either melted by its “vomit drop” or sprayed with strange spores, Martin flees, resulting in Bartock being gunned down and Martin being covered in spores. Exposed to an unknown transgenic disease, the Army places Martin, Noelani, and the others under quarantine on North Brother Island for observation. Though Doctor Mayweather and Major Vurvin allow Martin to research the disease, the whole thing is classified so he must hack the computer system to give Beth an update.

When Bartock infects a bunch of people, a guilt-ridden Martin desperately searches for a cure.

Although Martin could reproduce the gene swapping solution from The Fly II, he refuses to sacrifice another healthy soul and largely blames himself for the infection (as do the other patients). After nine days processing everything, Noelani finally confronts Martin and he explains that he assumes the disease will manifest similar to how his father mutated. Indeed, over several days, the infected sprout coarse hairs and become euphoric, manic, and increasingly sexual alongside developing superhuman strength, stamina, and an inflated, erratic self-esteem. When Noelani interrupts Martin’s latest call to Beth (where she whips out a vibrator and starts making a show of herself!), Martin is horrified when she comes on to him and reveals she’s been infected. When he rejects her, Noelani spitefully manhandles him, berating Martin for ignoring her, forcing him to subdue her with an electric shock. Beth keeps her libido in check long enough to be devastated when a guilt-ridden Martin tells her he must focus on finding a viable cure, eventually administrating lithium pills to Noelani to calm her “unipolar mania”. Haunted by dreams of his failure, the city being overrun by Brundleflys, and the personification of his guilt and inner demons (the “Martinfly”), Martin works tirelessly, berating himself for his lack of answers and the rapidly degenerating infected. Martin’s horrified to witness this as an outsider, seeing the likes of Doctor Ross brutalise themselves rather than transform into an inhuman fly-thing, and begrudgingly taking them off their medication so the infected won’t be rational enough to take such drastic measures. When Martin refuses to use the gene swap cure or let the infected commit suicide, the increasingly spiteful Noelani gives him a first-hand instruction on fly anatomy and mating rituals and…somehow…inadvertently gives Martin the solution he’s been searching for.

When the fly-things go on a rampage, Beth tries to help but Noelani has other ideas.

However, when Martin advises using the bodies of organ donors as donor material, Dr. Mayweather and Major Vurvin immediately shoot the suggestion down since thousands of people are waiting for those healthy organs. They also angrily chastise Martin and his father for being irresponsible mad scientists who tainted science with their reckless, crackpot ideas. Although it goes against their every instinct, Dr. Mayweather and Major Vurvin order the infected to be destroyed before they can reach their final forms, only for them to hatch from their cocoons. Drinking himself into a stupor, a depressed and remorseful Martin watches as soldiers are attacked by the fly-things, which resemble the Bartockfly and easily dispose of the troops with their superior strength, wings, and acidic spit. Martin’s stunned when Beth arrives to help disguised herself as a solder, only for Martin’s nightmare to become reality as the fly-things escape the facility. Although Martin begs Beth not to shoot the fly-things (reasoning that they’ll eventually die anyway) as they were once human, she ignores him since she was the one who activated Martin’s gene swap programme and is just as guilty of mutating Bartock as he is. When they reach the dock, Martin refuses to leave and their argument about this exacerbates when Noelani (now a surprisingly loquacious and attractive alien-like humanoid) asks them to get her to the mainland. When Martin convinces her that she could be “patient zero” of a wider fly epidemic, Noelani threatens to first shoot and then melt Martin if he doesn’t perform the gene swap on her. When Martin refuses, Noelani threatens Beth and, consumed by guilt for ignoring his wife and causing Noelani’s condition, Martin acts as her donor and fires up the Telepods.

Noelani manipulates Martin and Beth to finally be recognised for her genius.

Noelani emerges whole and human while Martin regresses to the monstrous Martinfly, now psychotic and intelligent enough to speak. Martinfly immediately scoops up Noelani and considers ripping her limb from limb or digesting her a piece at a time. Amazed to find he can fly, Martinfly soars into the sky and sees the chaos he’s causes. Noelani successfully appeals to Martin’s humanity and he lets her go to help, ripping apart the fly-things and even saving Dr. Maywather. However, his animalistic side soon takes hold, pushing Noelani to encourage Beth to destroy him before it’s too late since Martin “likes being a monster” and no one would ever volunteer to restore him. Martinfly returns to the Teleport lab with one of the fly-things, now determined to perfect the breed, much like his father tried to do, by splicing Noelani and the creature into one. Beth saves Noelani and traps Martinfly in a Telepod before freeing the fly-thing, gunning it down and trusting Noelani to do the same for her after she voluntarily enters the other Telepod. Emerging as a glorious Fly Queen, Beth is horrified to find the restored Martin fatally impaled in the Telepod. Beth realises all-too late that Noelani was somehow responsible for this and takes a shot to the head. As he apparently dies, Martin provides Noelani with the key to solving the outbreak (“[using] fresh organs in place of living people”), finally acknowledging her as he passes. Several years later, Noelani has earned her doctorate and apparently become a principal figurehead of Bartock Industries, twisting Martin’s creed (“Words are just words. Actions are what count”) into her mission statement. It’s also shown that she has one of the fly-things in captivity, though there’s no hint as to why.

Final Thoughts: 
Considering how big a fan I am of the entire Fly concept, especially the remake and its sequel, I was massively disappointed by The Fly: Outbreak. On paper, the idea has a lot of promise, especially as the films never delivered on the idea of a fully grown, human/fly hybrid with wings and all that. To be fair, this was never the intention as the creatures were grotesque abominations, but there’s still an appeal in seeing a more fully formed hybrid. I also liked the idea of Martin being wracked by guilt for the state he left Bartock in and wishing to cure his surrogate father, despite his monstrous actions, without sacrificing another healthy life. This guilt consumes Martin as he knows that Bartock is suffering because of his genes, the same warped DNA that keeps him from impregnating his wife and spawning another genetic anomaly. This could’ve been a very harrowing character arc for Martin as he embraces his monstrous side once more and finally purges himself of his curse, and his guilt, to lead a normal, happy life and the ghost of this idea is peppered throughout the story, but it takes a backseat to Martin’s marital issues. While Martin and Beth had a very passionate relationship in The Fly II, I (like Noelani) never pegged her for a closeted sexual predator! Beth is so fucking horny that she disregards Martin’s concerns about contraceptives, decides the best way to take her husband’s mind off his guilt and the rapidly declining state of the infected is to play with herself over a video call, and routinely snaps at him for caring more about her safety (and his work) than her libido. It’s a very strange decision to characterise Beth this way and I’m not sure I like it as she wasn’t this sexually aggressive in The Fly II, so it feels odd. I think it would’ve been far more fitting to have her be upset because she wants children and Martin’s reluctant rather than having her strap him down and stuff a ball gag in his mouth!

Some bizarre characterisations and atrocious artwork make this an incoherent and ugly read.

This might not have been so bad if the artwork was coherent. While “mention3” and David Stoupakis do an excellent job capturing the likenesses of Eric Stoltz, Daphne Zuniga, and Lee Richardson, most other characters are hidden behind ironically bug-like gas masks and others appear like lifeless marionettes. Again, this might’ve been acceptable if either artist could draw a background! Almost every panel is framed against indistinct darkness or a murky mess of blacks, greys, and greens, making it very difficult to decipher where the characters are. The Telepod lab, for example, appears to exist in a misty void, the facility is a foggy mess, and the grounds look like they’re in the midst of an atomic explosion! It’s truly a horrendous comic to look at and I really struggled to get a sense of the space and time passing, especially in “Metamorphosis”, where the story bounces from place to place and apparently ahead in time without warning. The art is much better when depicting the fly-things but even they are a mess at times, often appearing blurred and warped so it’s hard to make out individual features. Oddly, despite Martin comparing the infected to his father, these fly-things are strong, healthy, and far more beautiful than Brundlefly and Martinfly. They can think and talk with far more logic and intelligence than they displayed during their metamorphosis, fly, and rip limbs and heads off with ease. The fly-things appears more like aliens, depicted as beautiful, elegant humanoid creatures rather than misshapen atrocities, assumedly because the disease somehow improved the mutation process (though it’s hard to tell as Martin offhandedly suggests the fly-things have a short lifespan). The image of a swarm of fly-things descending on the military should have been a powerful and horrifying visual but, instead, it’s a nightmarish blur of colours and nonsense and barely a footnote in the story since it’s more concerned with the quarantine procedure and Noelani’s ambitions.

It’s honestly difficult to tell what’s happening in this disappointing mess of a story.

I could forgive all of this if The Fly: Outbreak stuck the landing, but it really doesn’t. Things made a twisted sense right up to “The Book of Revelation”, where it all goes downhill. Noelani threatening Martin and Beth eats a lot of panels and Martin’s transformation back into Martinfly isn’t as exciting as it could’ve been as, for some inexplicably reason, he can talk but loses his humanity and compassion. While I liked the call-back to Brundlefly’s insane plot to create the “ultimate family”, it wasn’t worth tarnishing Martin’s characterisation, especially as he was seen as virtuous (if more aggressive) when he first became Martinfly. Again, maybe I could forgive this is the rest of the finale made sense, but it really doesn’t. Beth becomes a gorgeous Fly Queen (despite Bartock being horrifically mutated by the same gene swap process) only to immediately be executed by Noelani. Martin returns to normal but is somehow impaled on…something…inside the Telepod. Beth accuses Noelani of this but it’s not clear how she would’ve done it, or even why. Martin apparently dies and gives Noelani to chance to cure the others, but it’s implied she imprisoned the fly-things instead? It’s a really confusing and messy end that drags the entire story down and I still don’t understand why the fly-things turned out how they did or what the hell was going on with the ending, or Noelani. Sadly, The Fly: Outbreak is not a story I’d recommend unless you really hated Martin and Beth and want to see them bastardised and tarnished by this incoherent, ugly mess. This could’ve been a fun story of a Brundlefly outbreak and Martin having to reconcile his guilt and his mutation to get some closure. But, instead, it’s a confusing, hideously realised story that disappointed me in basically every aspect.

My Rating:

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Terrible

Do you think I was too harsh on The Fly: Outbreak or do you agree that it’s an ugly, incoherent mess? Were you also disturbed by Martin and Beth’s relationship woes? Did you also find the fly-things oddly designed or did you like seeing them flying about? Can you explain to me what the hell happened in the ending? Would you like to see more comic books continuing the Fly story? How are you celebrating sci-fi this month? Like the review and leave a comment below, check out my other sci-fi content, and donate to my Ko-Fi to support more reviews like this.

Movie Night [Sci-Fanuary]: The Thing

Dr. K2 Comments

January celebrates two notable dates in science-fiction history: “National Science Fiction Day” on January 2 to coincide with the birth of world renowned sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov, and 12 January being when Arthur C. Clarke’s HAL 9000 was created. Accordingly, I dedicate January to celebrating sci-fi in all its forms.

Released: 14 October 2011
Director: Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.
Distributor: Universal Pictures

Budget: $38 million
Box Office: $31.5 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 34% / 43%

Quick Facts:
Despite being a critical and commercial failure at the time, John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) became a sci-fi/horror classic but spawned only comic books and videogames rather than a sequel. Universal Pictures eventually revisited the iconic Who Goes There? (Campbell, 1928) with a prequel to both expand upon and pay homage to John Carpenter’s classic. Despite the filmmakers utilising traditional practical effects by Amalgamated Dynamics, the studio demanded they be replaced with digital effects, dramatically changing the ending and leading to much unfair critical backlash and the cancellation of a follow-up.

The Review:
Nonsensical title aside (The Thing: Zero or The Thing: Origin might’ve worked better), The Thing is a rare example of a clever way to do a remake, even if the execution isn’t as memorable as John Carpenter’s film. The Thing is set in 1982, just like Carpenter’s movie, and follows the crew of Norwegian research station “Thule” in Antarctica, making it a direct prelude to John Carpenter’s movie. We saw glimpses of the Norwegian’s discovery and their gruesome fate in 1982 film, but The Thing expands upon what happened at Thule and even incorporates some elements from The Thing from Another World (Nyby, 1951). The film opens with the Norwegians randomly discovering a vast and ancient alien spacecraft buried deep under the ice, estimated to have been there for over 100,000 years. Though Thule houses a few scientific minds, Doctor Sander Halvorson (Ulrich Thomsen) and his assistant, Adam Finch (Eric Christian Olsen), assemble a team to investigate the crash and its ejected pilot. Adam suggests recruiting beautiful palaeontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and, despite the lack of details, she eagerly agrees and is as amazed as the others are by the discovery. Although they question why the pilot would’ve ejected, geologist Edvard Wolner (Trond Espen Seim) enthusiastically organises his men to help Kate excavate the creature, which they bring to Thule in a massive block of ice. Against Kate’s warnings, Dr. Halvorson orders a tissue sample to be taken from the entombed creature, chastising her for contradicting him and arrogantly wishing to be at the forefront of the find of the century. To be fair, Dr. Halvorson does promise to credit everyone with the discovery, which he verifies is the first recorded example of an extraterrestrial visitor to Earth. Despite her unease, Kate celebrates the reveal alongside the others, including pilots Sam Carter (Joel Edgerton) and Derek Jameson (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje).

Norwegians and Americans alike are stunned to excavate an aggressive alien predator.

While inspecting the thawing ice block, Jameson is horrified when the titular “Thing” bursts free and, after a moment’s disbelief, convinces the others to search for it. When Henrik (Jo Adrian Haavind) and Olav (Jan Gunnar Røise) find the vaguely insectile creature under a building, Henrik is ensnared and seemingly devoured, splattering Olav with blood and leading the others to burn the Thing alive. The shell shocked team barely hold it together as Dr. Halvorson conducts an autopsy and finds a disturbing copy of Henrick within the mangled corpse. Against Dr. Halvorson’s wishes, Kate reviews the Thing’s tissue and is horrified to discover that the alien cells are attacking, absorbing, and replicating living tissue. Her warnings fall on deaf ears, however, as even Adam is in denial despite witnessing it for himself, meaning Kate’s powerless to stop Derek, Griggs (Paul Braunstein), and Sam from taking Olav to a medical facility (and, as Sam promises, getting military aid). However, after discovering bloody dental fillings in the bathroom, Kate rushes to flag down the helicopter, sure that someone onboard is the Thing. Turns out it was Griggs, who violently splits apart and crashes the chopper, though the others are still sceptical about Kate’s warnings, especially as the evidence has been cleaned up. Juliette (Kim Bubbs) offers to help Kate get the keys to Thule’s vehicles to keep Edvard and the others from leaving and potentially spreading the Thing’s reach, only for her to also be revealed as a Thing and kill Karl (Carsten Bjørnlund) before being immolated by the surly Lars (Jørgen Langhelle) and his flamethrower. Echoing a similar scene from the 1982 film, the survivors dig a ditch in the snow and burn all the bodies, agreeing to quarantine themselves until they can figure out who’s who using a blood test devised by Dr. Halvorson and Adam, just like in Carpenter’s film. Similarly, this test is sabotaged when the laboratory goes up in flames, which also raises tensions in the group.

While the execution is somewhat flawed, the film works as a decent prelude to the 1982 movie.

I like that The Thing largely commits to having the Norwegian characters speak in Norwegian and that it closely emulates the aesthetic of John Carpenter’s film, with Marco Beltrami’s foreboding score reminiscent of Ennio Morricone’s work in 1982. The film quality is noticeably better but the set design seems to perfectly match with what we saw in 1982, and The Thing goes to great lengths to explain how Thule ended up in the state it’s found in the previous film. Although the survivors briefly turn on and suspect each other, with Adam, Sam, and Jameson prime suspects since the former was the last person in the lab before it burned up and the latter two inexplicably survived the helicopter crash. Although the test is ruined, Kate checks everyone for fillings, leaving Adam, Colin (Jonathan Lloyd Walker), Edvard, and Dr. Halvorson suspects as they claim to have porcelain fillings. This scene isn’t as tense as the 1982 blood test but it’s a great way to show that the Thing cannot replicate inorganic material, meaning fillings and other metal implants are rejected during the absorption process. While fetching the isolated Sam and Jameson to check them, the Thing attacks and, in a bout of paranoia, Peder (Stig Henrik Hoff) is shot dead and Edvard is injured by an explosion. He’s dramatically revealed to be the Thing and goes on a rampage, infecting Jonas (Kristofer Hivju) and Dr. Halvorson killing Jameson, and gruesomely crawling over Adam to partially merge with him and create the abhorrent two-headed Thing discovered in John Carpenter’s film. After finally destroying this creature, Kate and Sam spot Dr. Halvorson fleeing in a snowcat. While Sam’s happy to let him drive off and freeze to death, Kate realises the Thing would benefit from that and that it’s heading back to the space craft, so she encourages them to pursue, relieved to find that Sam still has his ear piercing and is thus human.

While CGI isn’t as impressive as practical effects, it’s not as bad as many  would have you believe.

While there are moments of tension and suspense in The Thing, this is far more akin to a monster movie than John Carptener’s film, focusing more on large, ungainly alien abominations and giving us a bigger body count. The Thing is still an unknowable, shapeless creature that’s cunning, patient, and extremely volatile, happy to imitate a victim and bide its time. While hidden as Griggs, the Thing almost escapes and, much like in the 1982 film, many characters are infected offscreen to keep the audience guessing. The Thing is noticeably more insectile at times and far more bloodthirsty, skewering and impaling prey with its razor-sharp tentacles and devouring them afterwards rather than immediately trying to absorb them. It still detaches parts of itself, notably its hands, to attack and is particularly vulnerable to fire, especially when in the middle of imitating someone. It cannot replicate inorganic material, though, raising some questions about how it has time to get dressed after imitating someone. It still imitates people flawlessly despite this, even attacking other parts of itself to maintain the ruse and being smart enough to lure others to a quiet area to attack, though Thule is well stocked with flamethrowers and grenades. Unfortunately, as many have said, The Thing ditches traditional practical effects for CGI visuals, and the results are noticeably mixed. When I first saw it, I didn’t think it was all that bad and thought it did a decent job of capturing the same vibe as Carpenter’s film but being just different enough in fun and clever ways to be enjoyable. I still think this, and this extends to the visuals, which are still disturbingly gruesome even if the CGI can be quite dodgy and cartoony. It does mean The Thing is a little less gory at times, especially when the alien is revealing itself or attacking someone, which is a bizarre choice considering how ghastly the effects are when it splits apart and erupts into a mess of tentacles, teeth, and moaning humanoid faces.

Despite the bizarre ending, the film segues nicely into the beginning of Carpenter’s cult classic.

Kate and Sam follow the Halvorson-Thing back to the spaceship, which it activates in a bid to either return to the stars or infect larger civilised areas. The commotion separates Kate and Sam, leaving Kate to wander the highly advanced alien craft and stumble upon a glowing, geometric hologram that leaves her mesmerised for some time. This was initially a biomechanical alien pilot, not unlike the “Space Jockey”, that was originally planned to have been collecting alien samples before being attacked by the Thing. Other versions of the film had an animatronic version of this pilot (or a horrendous amalgamation of Dr. Halvorson, the pilot, and the Thing) attacking Kate for the finale. Instead, Kate stares at this weird lightshow before the disappointingly cartoonish, CGI Halvorson-Thing attacks, forcing her to find space to toss a grenade into its gaping, teeth-riddled maw. Luckily, Sam appears just in time to unload with a flamethrower, destroying the grotesque creature and shutting down the ship’s engines. Though exhausted and battered, Kate still has the wherewithal to notice that Sam is now missing his earring and burns him alive without hesitation, reducing him to a squealing mess of alien meat as the Thing is finally destroyed. While Kate heads towards a nearby Soviet base in the snowcat, pilot Matias (Ole Martin Aune Nilsen) returns to Thule from a refuelling mission and finds it in ruins, Colin having slit his wrists out of fear of being assimilated, and is confronted by a paranoid, trigger-happy Lars. After verifying that Matias is human, Largs desperately urges Matias into the chopper to pursue his fleeing snow dog, which was discovered brutally killed soon after the Thing first awoke, perfectly tying the end of this film into the beginning of John Carpenter’s The Thing…

Final Thoughts:
I’ve always been a big fan of John Carpenter’s The Thing, even if it can drag a bit in the middle. It’s a fantastic example of horror, paranoia, and gruesome practical effects that would be difficult for any film to emulate. Rather than try to remake John Carpenter’s cult classic, The Thing opts to act as a companion piece, a prequel to show what happened at Thule before the 1982 film. In that respect, I maintain that The Thing does a decent job. The attention to detail in the set design and the fates of Thule’s residents is admirable, revealing that these twisted, mangled corpses were once people driven to desperation and paranoia or overtaken by a violent alien organism. I really liked the abundance of subtitles and Norwegian being spoken and it made sense to bring in some Americans as Thule wasn’t equipped to properly excavate or study the Thing. I adore Mary Elizabeth Winstead and won’t hear anything against here. Kate was a forthright and level-headed character who kept her cool, even when being attacked by the Thing, and came up with practical solutions. Joel Edgerton is no Kurt Russell, though, and most of the other characters are interchangeable and forgettable compared to those in Carpenter’s film, but I liked the smarmy, arrogant Dr. Halvorson, who seemed to be channelling the equally egotistical Doctor Arthur Carrington (Robert Cornthwaite) from The Thing from Another World. While I don’t think the CGI is that bad, it’s true that it’s not as impactful as practical effects and appears very slap-dash, lacking the visceral horror of animatronics and puppets. The weird hologram-thing in the spaceship was a strange decision (it might’ve been better to just cut that scene) and the Halvorson-Thing wasn’t as grotesquely disturbing as the monstrous Blair-Thing, despite being more mobile thanks to CGI. I truly think The Thing is better than a lot of people think and is worthy of re-evaluation. It works really well as a double feature with John Carpenter’s The Thing and has some good moments, but even I must admit that it’s lacking compared to its predecessor and sadly missed the mark with its overall execution.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Do you agree that The Thing is better than most people think? Did you like that it aligned well as a prequel? Were you disappointed that much of the suspense was downplayed in favour of monster horror? Did you find the CGI disappointing and what did you think to that hologram thing? Would you like to see a new version of Who Goes There? on the big screen? How are you celebrating sci-fi this month? Whatever you thought to The Thing, comment down below and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest other sci-fi films for me to review.

Back Issues [Sci-Fanuary]: The Thing from Another World #1-2

Dr. K1 Comment

January celebrates two notable dates in science-fiction history: “National Science Fiction Day” on January 2 to coincide with the birth of world renowned sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov, and 12 January being when Arthur C. Clarke’s HAL 9000 was created. Accordingly, I dedicate January to celebrating sci-fi in all its forms.

Story Title: “The Thing (from Another World)”
Published: 1991 to 1992

Writer: Chuck Pfarrer
Artist: John B. Higgins

Quick Facts:
Published by Dark Horse Comics, known for creator-owned stories and licensed adaptations of horror and science-fiction films, The Thing from Another World continued where John Carpenter’s sci-fi classic left off but utilised the title of the celebrated 1951 adaptation of John W. Campbell’s influential 1938 novella to avoid legal issues with Marvel Comics.

The Review:
The Thing from Another World is set twenty-four hours after the team at United States Antarctic Research Outpost #31 discovered an aggressive, parasitic alien organism (the titular “Thing”) that drove them to paranoia and violence through its ability to gruesomely mimic living creatures. The comic immediately answers the question about whether or not the final survivors from Outpost #13 lived or died by showing that Childs carried the unconscious R.J. “Mac” MacReady through a bitter snowstorm and out onto the ice fields and left him to be rescued by the Misaki Maru, a passing whaling vessel. The confused and disoriented Mac is horrified to learn that Childs returned to Outpost #13 to look for more survivors, leading to him being sedated to keep him calm. When he awakens again, Mac quickly cuts himself free and dresses, pondering why Childs would save him if he (as in Childs) was infected by the Thing. Suddenly paranoid that he may be the one that’s infected, Mac quickly replicates the blood test depicted in John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) and is relieved when he gets the all-clear, lending some credibility to the notion that the infected don’t know they’re a Thing until they’re threatened. Easily snaking around the ship, Mac (being a fully qualified pilot) commandeers their helicopter and quickly picks up Childs’ trail, which heads East rather than North towards Outpost #13. Although Mac’s forced to ditch the helicopter when he runs out of fuel, he successfully makes it back to the remains of Outpost #13, where he quickly gets to work burning the brutalised remains of his former friends.

The paranoid Mac is so determined to eradicate the Thing that he seems willing to die to do it!

Mac discovers the mangled, monstrous hibernating form of another mishmash of lifeforms and promptly blows it to pieces. However, he’s stopped from destroying the separate chunks by United States Sea, Air, and Land troops (SEALs). The SEALs were dispatched to investigate Outpost #13 but appear to have no idea of what really happened there and believe Mac murdered everyone and destroyed the base. Despite being cuffed, Mac leashes out when one of the SEALs, Pybus, curiously touches a piece of the Thing, leading to him taking a rifle butt to the head and the oblivious Lieutenant Commander Les Erskine to order that the mutilated remains be left for the bio-team. Just as the SEALs are boarding their evacuation helicopter, Pybus sprouts tentacles and mutates, firing on his stunned teammates, gunning most of them down and destroying the helicopter. Freed from his cuffs, Mac blasts the Pybus-Thing with a pistol, only for its corpse to birth a bizarre, tentacled alien that finally makes a believer out of Erskine before Mac blows it up with a grenade. After tending to their wounded, Mac and Erskine explore their options, only to find they’re out of fuel and with no hope of rescue. Erskine’s aghast when Mac reveals his plan to eradicate all traces of the Thing, including the both of them, to ensure there’s no chance of even a small part of it reaching civilisation. Erskine offers an alternative solution by holding Mac at gunpoint and ordering him to help get the wounded soldiers to a nearby research station, though they continue to clash regarding their chances and one man dies from his wounds (or the severe cold) on the way. Erskine is livid when he discovers Mac intentionally led them in the wrong direction, leading to another brief scuffle in which Erskine suspects Mac wants them to freeze to death because he’s the Thing!

Mac and Childs must set aside their differences to stop the Thing from reaching civilisation.

Their scuffle is interrupted by Childs and some Argentinians from the base, though the paranoid Mac immediately attacks Childs. After Mac is subdued, Childs confirms that he left Mac to be rescued and went back to destroy the others, though Mac remains suspicious. Mac’s horror only increases when they reach Campo Del Sur and see how many people could get infected, though Childs assures him that the Argentinians are conducting routine blood tests to stay safe. While Mac’s still hostile even after he and Childs are tested negative, he’s startled when Erskine’s unconscious trooper bursts into a bloody mass of tentacles and teeth! Though injured, the Thing quickly escapes, forcing the others to pursue and discover the gruesome remains of its latest victim. Despite Mac’s protests, Childs insists on proceeding further before the Thing can freeze and ends up almost devoured by the gigantic, cephalopod-like Thing before it’s destroyed with a grenade. Erskine urges them to return to Campo Del Sur so he can radio for assistance, leaving Mac to share his concerns about the commander to Childs. While Childs has his doubts since Erskine was so “gung-ho” about destroying the Thing, Mac’s fears are soon proven when they find three men dead in the trashed radio room. Realising that the Erskine-Thing radioed for a submarine, Mac and Childs race to intercept it, riddling the Erskine-Thing with bullets and causing it to wildly mutate. The Thing slaughters its way onto the submarine and goes on a rampage, with the sub performing an emergency dive and eventually crashing after the Thing wrecks the controls. With the submarine quickly flooding and the Thing heading for the escape capsule, Mac quickly catches the survivors up to speed and forms a hunting party and finds it in the torpedo bay. Despite Mac being ready to die to end the Thing’s threat, he objects when Childs goes to blow the hatch and end the nightmare once and for all. Childs thus destroys the submarine and all onboard except Mac, who’s inexplicably blasted from the wreckage and emerges on the frigid surface, passing out on an ice float despite his determination to stay alive…

Final Thoughts: 
John Carpenter’s The Thing ends with perhaps one of the greatest cliff-hangers in all of cinema and fans have debated for years about whether Mac or Childs have been infected or not. One of the reasons it’s such an intriguing debate is that it’s presented as a stalemate between the two. Both are equally suspicious of each other and likely to be either human or the Thing, but both are too exhausted and paranoid to do much about it but “wait and see” what happens. The Thing from Another World isn’t the only piece of ancillary media to provide a definitive answer to this long-debated cliff-hanger, but it’s equally questionable about whether these answers work or not and may come down to personal preference. On the one hand, it’s cool to continue Mac’s nightmare and to see him hunt down and destroy the Thing, and to see how he and Childs react to each other when reunited. On the other hand, it feels like a disservice to the film to provide a definitive answer and it’s possible this story could’ve been just as effective if it followed a researcher or soldier investigating Outpost #13 and perhaps working from the remains of Blair’s notes. The fact that subsequent issues double-down and continue Mac’s story only compounds the issue, though I liked that Mac was even more proactive than ever and used his traumatic experiences and first-hand knowledge of the Thing to his advantage against the shape-shifting alien. I was also intrigued by the twist that he was ready to die to ensure the alien is destroyed. However, it’s bizarre that he so vehemently objects when Childs sacrifices himself and the others on the submarine at the end, especially as Mac was ready to sacrifice Erskine in the mountains. At the same time, Mac was hesitant to murder Erskine so maybe this is just a poorly executed expansion of the fear and paranoia that have so tightly gripped Mac’s heart.

If nothing else, the comic perfectly captures the paranoia and horror of John Carpenter’s movie.

Overall, I’d have to say the artwork was very impressive, perfectly capturing the dark, desolate atmosphere of Antarctica and bringing the gore to life with intricate brushwork. It was a little difficult to make out what was going on at times, especially when the Thing reveals itself, but this may have been intentional to replicate the “less is more” approach of the movie and emphasise how chaotic it is when the infected suddenly sprout tentacles and gnashing teeth. Indeed, the art is at its best when depicting the Thing and its victims, recreating the memorable special effects of the movie and playing upon the reader’s familiarity with the film to depict the remains of Outpost #13 and the mangled corpses of its inhabitants. Mac blows up a hibernating mass of flesh and teeth that closely resembles the Thing’s final form in the film, the defibrillator scene is evoked when Erskine’s soldier suddenly explodes with tentacles and dangerous alien appendages, and we get a better idea of how capable the infected are as we see them using rifles and having the wherewithal to signal for help. The Thing from Another World also introduces a couple of additional forms for the Thing, ones possibly too outrageous and ambitious to be brought to life by John Carpenter’s paltry budget. These include a bug-like Thing, a larger one out in the snow, and the strange, bipedal mess of meat that Erskine devolves into to tear through the submarine. The only real downside is that the Things are dispatched quite easily each time, with a single grenade being enough to destroy or at least subdue them long enough for their pieces to be incinerated. The Thing still slaughters a bunch of people, to be fair, but they’re largely nameless, faceless SEALs whose deaths mean little compared to those of Outpost #13. Ultimately, this was a decent enough epilogue to The Thing, but I think it would’ve been better, overall, to avoid answering what happened to Mac and/or Childs and instead follow wholly original characters as they encounter the Thing.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Have you ever read The Thing from Another World? Were you happy to see the film’s cliff-hanger answered here or would you have preferred the story to focus on original characters? What did you think of the art work and the call-backs to John Carpenter’s movie? Did you guess that Erskine was infected? Can you explain why Mac suddenly abandoned his suicidal crusade at the end? How are you celebrating the sci-fi genre this month? Whatever your thoughts on The Thing from Another World, drop a comment down below and send me some love on Ko-Fi if you want me to review more Thing comic books.

Movie Night [Sci-Fanuary]: John Carpenter’s The Thing

Dr. K5 Comments

January celebrates two notable dates in science-fiction history: “National Science Fiction Day” on January 2 to coincide with the birth of world renowned sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov, and 12 January being when Arthur C. Clarke’s HAL 9000 was created. Accordingly, I dedicate January to celebrating sci-fi in all its forms.

Released: 25 June 1982
Director: John Carpenter
Distributor: Universal Pictures

Budget: $15 million
Box Office: $20,847,529
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 85% / 92%

Quick Facts:
The second big screen adaptation of John W. Campbell’s iconic 1928 novella Who Goes There?, The Thing was almost helmed by horror maestro Tobe Hooper before John Carpenter got involved and pushed for a story closer to the source material. Bill Lancaster modernised the story to focus on paranoia and fear while Rob Bottin delivered the gruesome practical effects to meld numerous bizarre and horrific alien aspects into the titular “Thing”. A critical and commercial failure at the time, John Carpenter’s The Thing is now widely regarded as a sci-fi/horror classic and spawned comic books, videogames, and a divisive 2011 prequel.

The Review:
Life within the remote, frigid United States Outpost 31 is suddenly turned upside down when a couple of Norwegian researchers suddenly circle their snowed-in facility, where the isolated inhabitants wile away in the rec room or, in pilot R. J. “Mac” MacReady’s (Kurt Russell) case, swigging whiskey and being beaten at computer chess. The Norwegians are chasing a sled dog (Jed) through the snow and, when they fail to shoot it, land to try explosives. The commotion alerts Mac and his cohorts, who rush into the snow to see what’s up and unknowingly shield the dog, leading to the desperate and ranting Norwegian (Norbert Weisser) to threaten them at gunpoint after accidentally blowing up his helicopter and co-pilot. Startled, the Americans open fire, with station commander M. T. Garry (Donald Moffat) executing the Norwegian with his prized revolver. Confused by all this, Mac takes station physician Doctor Copper (Richard Dysart) to the Norwegian base, despite the inclement weather, and finds it a burned out, frozen wreck full of gruesome bodies. While Dr. Copper gathers the Norwegians’ notes to try and understand what happened, Mac discovers the frozen remains of a mysterious ice-like tomb and a charred, inhuman corpse that’s hideously malformed. They transport the remains back to base for analysis, only for microbiologist Doctor Blair (A. Wilford Brimley) to be bemused by the Thing’s malformed, misshapen biology. Still puzzled by whatever fate befell the Norwegians and the bizarre, steaming corpse sitting in their medical room, the team return to their games, pondering the day’s events and niggling each other, unaware that the sled dog has snuck into one of their rooms.

Mac and the others discover a horrifying alien parasite that assimilates anything it touches.

Sombre dog handler Clark (Richard Masur) later takes the adopted dog to the kennels, where it suddenly and violently erupts into a writhing, thrashing, screaming alien creature! Ensnaring the other dogs and spraying them with goop, it assaults the panicked dogs, drawing Clark and the others. Horrified, Mac and Garry blast the Dog-Thing and the other dogs, much to Clark’s dismay, and surly mechanic Childs (Keith David) incinerates the creature with a flamethrower. Dr. Blair’s subsequent autopsy reveals that the burned corpse isn’t a dog, but an “imitation” of one that was attempting to absorb and imitate the other dogs. Reviewing the Norwegians’ data, which includes video footage similar to the 1951 film, the crew discovers that the Norwegians discovered an alien space craft buried deep in the ice. They risk another helicopter ride to the site and find the craft, which is estimated to have crashed thousands of years ago and which was uncovered when the Norwegians used explosives, leading them to recover a frozen occupant who subsequently overran their base. Shaken by the implications, Dr. Blair runs some tests and determines that the parasitic organism aggressively latches onto and absorbs living cells, perfectly imitating any living creature it samples and sprouting teeth, tentacles, and other appendages from potentially thousands of other worlds. Realising that the Thing could overtake the entire world within three years if it reaches civilisation, Dr. Blair snaps and wrecks the outpost’s communications array and much of their equipment before he’s subdued and isolated. This leaves out of his depth assistant biologist Fuchs (Joel Polis) to pour over Dr. Blair’s mad ramblings for a solution and Garry shell-shocked when the Dog-Thing’s remains slither to life and absorb his friend, meteorologist George Bennings (Peter Maloney), forcing the others to set his half-transformed form alive and burn every trace of the alien from the outpost.

Paranoia and fear run rampant as the Thing assimilates those around it and feeds their distrust.

With radio operator Windows (Thomas Waites) unable to call for help and their vehicles trashed during Dr. Blair’s breakdown, the survivors prepare to weather an incoming storm, tensions flare when soiled long johns appear in cook Nauls’ (T. K. Carter) kitchen and the shredded remains of Mac’s clothing are found out in the snow. Dr. Copper suggests they use the blood bank to test who’s human and who’s the Thing, but this is scuppered when someone destroys the blood bank and they descend into arguments and finger pointing when this is discovered, accusing Garry since he’s the only one with the keys and Dr. Copper since he regularly accesses the blood. The distrust being thrown around knocks Garry’s confidence and, after a tense showdown with Windows when he frantically grabs a shotgun, Garry relinquishes his revolver and command to Mac. While Mac tries to hold the group together, being the coolest and most logical head despite his growing fear and paranoia, the others descend into anger and distrust after Fuchs is mysteriously burned alive and any chance of employing Dr. Copper’s blood test. However, but soon decide Mac is the most untrustworthy  and strand him in the blizzard. They’re even more convinced he’s the Thing when he stumbles back to base without a guideline and, enraged by their betrayal and wracked by the cold, Mac threatens to blow them all up with dynamite if they don’t listen to reason. The tense standoff sees Mac and Childs clash and Clark, also a chief suspect due to his close proximity to the dogs, ready to shank Mac at the first opportunity. During the scuffle to disarm Mac, terrified geologist Norris (Charles Hallahan) is tossed aside and seemingly dies from a heart attack, only to be shockingly revealed to be the Thing! This revelation does little to allay Mac’s suspicions and, after the ghastly Norris-Thing and its offspring are incinerated, Mac forces those he begrudgingly trusts to tie up those he doesn’t and ventures that their blood with violently react to a hit needle if they’ve been assimilated.

Recovered from a crashed ship, the Thing is a hideous amalgamation of various organisms.

Rather than being a strange vegetable creature, the titular Thing is a parasitic organism like in the book. Although we see its flying saucer crash to Earth in the pre-title sequence, there’s no way of knowing if the Thing was the pilot or was simply held captive on the ship (though I’d venture to say the ship crash-landed after the Thing broke out). The Thing has no true form and instead hides behind imitation, perfectly replicating living creatures and even mirroring their personalities, to the point where the assimilated seem unaware that they’re the Thing until they’re threatened. Assistant mechanic Palmer (David Clennon), for example, appears completely human until Mac performs his blood test, whereupon Palmer violently explodes into bloody, gnashing jaws. Norris also appears normal, even tackling Mac alongside the others, until he appears to die and Dr. Copper performs CPR and Norris’s chest splits open and rips his arms off! The Thing’s only goal is to assimilate and procreate everything it can, picking off potential threats and fighting to survive when threatened. Although it appears inhumanly strong and durable, shrugging off shotgun blasts and easily manhandling Windows, it’s not invulnerable. Fire is especially effective, as is dynamite, with the creature being most vulnerable mid-transformation, as seen with the Bennings-Thing. Rather than being a singular organism, every cell of the Thing is alive and thinking, allowing it to disgustingly detach part of itself when the main “body” is destroyed and meaning it can infect multiple targets at once. The Thing is also seen to be very shrewd and intelligent, allowing the survivors to waste their energies on paranoia and accusations rather than formulating strategies, and having intelligence enough to cobble together a miniature flying saucer in the case of the Blair-Thing. The Thing is also incredibly patient, happy to let the humans destroy themselves and hibernate in the snow until the rescue team arrives and then assimilate them…and the rest of the world, in short order.

Although Mac destroys the Blair-Thing, there are lingering questions about who can be trusted. 

When Mac’s blood test outs Palmers and leads to him and Windows dying, a slither of trust is reignited as the cleared survivors go to test Dr. Blair. However, they find he’s built a small flying saucer and tunnelled his way out, revealing himself to also be a Thing. After the Blair-Thing destroys the outpost’s power generator, Mac realises it’s willing to outlast them in the cold to escape and that they’re unlikely to make it out alive without any heat and rescue far away. Resolving to keep the Thing from reaching civilisation, Mac and the others prepare to bring the whole outpost down by setting dynamite charges. However, paranoia rears its ugly head as Nauls and Childs go missing; the Blair-Thing also ambushes Garry in the tunnels, leaving Mac alone. The Blair-Thing then spectacularly erupts from the floor as a massive, mewling amalgamation of repulsive alien and vaguely animal parts in a fantastic combination of practical effects, stop motion techniques, and puppetry. While the monstrous Blair-Thing is quite lumbering and mainly just stands there roaring, its tentacles whipping about as it emits that disturbing hissing, it devours Mac’s detonator and seems poised to take him. Defiant until the end, the rugged, exhausted Mac tosses a stick of dynamite at the creature and destroys it, along with the entire outpost. Barely escaping the blast, Mac stumbles through the burning debris and finally collapses from fatigue, whiskey in hand. Childs emerges from the blizzard, claiming to have gotten lost while pursuing Dr. Blair, and sits with him, both too tired to argue or to fight. Realising the flames will die out soon and they’re likely to perish from the cold, the two acknowledge the futility of their situation and their mutual distrust and resolve to simple share a drink and wait to see what happens, leaving their ultimate fate up to the audience…

Final Thoughts:
John Carpenter’s The Thing is one of the quintessential remakes of all time. While the original film was an ambitious B-movie that took huge liberties with the source material, The Thing stays very close to Who Goes There? in its interpretation of the titular alien parasite and the destructive paranoia that tears the humans apart. There’s a sense that many of the characters barely tolerated each other to begin with, meaning tensions fray very quickly once they realise the Thing can perfectly imitate them down to their memories and behaviour. The film perfectly conveys this by rarely, if ever, showing who’s been assimilated and when, meaning we never really know who to trust as everyone – even rugged protagonist Mac – is a suspect. It’s thus shocking when characters turn out to be human or suddenly explode into a thrashing, shrieking mess of flesh and teeth and even destroying the Thing and performing tests doesn’t stamp out the unease felt by the survivors. Kurt Russell did a great job as reluctant leader Mac, who seems ready to pack it all in at a moment’s notice. I liked his heated rivalry with the immortal Keith David and how easily he took charge, and how physically and emotionally exhausted he was by the whole ordeal. Some aspects, like Dr. Blair’s computer simulation, are rather quaint but they get the job done and the gruesome special effects more than make up for them. The Thing is constantly sprouting new appendages and forms and surprising audiences by springing to the ceiling, becoming a scurrying spider-like head, or clamping down on its prey with its massive teeth. It’s a spectacularly ghastly creature that’s nauseating to look at as you never know what it’s going to do next as it clearly retains knowledge of other alien creatures and is a highly adaptable and versatile parasite. The ending may be one of cinema’s greatest cliff-hangers and the simple story of distrust and desperation remains as palpable as ever, making John Carpenter’s The Thing a timeless sci-fi/horror classic that’s difficult to beat.

My Rating:

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Great Stuff

Do you agree that John Carpenter’s The Thing is one of the greatest remakes of all time? How do you feel it works as an adaptation? Which character were you most surprised to find out was human (or the Thing)? Did you enjoy Kurt Russell’s performance and his rivalry with Keith David? How amazing were those gruesome special effects? How did you interpret the ending and what sci-fi films are you watching this month? Use the comments below to hap some praise on John Carpenter’s The Thing and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest other sci-fi films you’d like to see me cover.

Movie Night [Sci-Fanuary]: The Thing from Another World

Dr. K4 Comments

January celebrates two notable dates in science-fiction history: “National Science Fiction Day” on January 2 to coincide with the birth of world renowned sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov, and 12 January being when Arthur C. Clarke’s HAL 9000 was created. Accordingly, I dedicate January to celebrating sci-fi in all its forms.

Released: 27 April 1951
Director: Christian Nyby
Distributor: RKO Radio Pictures

Budget: $9 to 15 million
Box Office: $1.1 million
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 87% / 73%

Quick Facts:
Based on celebrated, influential novella, Who Goes There? (Campbell, 1938), The Thing from Another World was loosely adapted by Charles Lederer, Howard Hawks, and Ben Hecht. The titular “Thing” (James Arness) became a plant-like humanoid thanks to extensive make-up later replaced with an asbestos suit for an ambitious fire stunt. Though very different from the novella, The Thing from Another World is considered one of the best movies of the 1950s and inspired one of the greatest remakes ever made in 1982.

The Review:
While searching for his next big story in Anchorage, Alaska, “newspaper man” Ned “Scotty” Scott (Douglas Spencer) bumps into old friend, pilot Lieutenant Eddie Dykes (James Young) of a United States Air Force re-supply crew, at an officers’ club and meets his cohorts: gruff Captain Patrick Hendry (Kenneth Tobey) and flight navigator Ken “Mac” MacPherson (Robert Nichols). When noted scientist and Nobel laureate Doctor Arthur Carrington (Robert Cornthwaite) radios in a vague call for aid at a North Pole research camp, Captain Hendry and his jovial crew are ordered to assist, flying some hands, sled dogs, and the eager Scott out to investigate Dr. Carrington’s ambiguous concerns about a mysterious aircraft. Upon arriving at the Polar Expedition Six outpost, the stern but amicable Captain Hendry bristles to reunite with the gorgeous and playful Nikki Nicholson (Margaret Sheridan), who’d previously humiliated him in a drinking game and turned down his handsy advances. Though flustered by her mischievous nature, Captain Hendry is obviously as attracted to her as she is to him and they enjoy a fun back-and-forth throughout the film that’s as entertaining as the banter between Captain Hendry, Lieutenant Dykes, Mac, and Scotty. The crew are clearly friends as much as co-workers and express their affection through light-hearted banter, teasing Captain Hendry for his drinking habits and past blunders, only for him to jokingly threaten them with guard duty and other empty threats. There’s a unique approach to dialogue and interactions here as characters talk over each other and converse very bluntly, making every scene feel ad-libbed (except for Dr. Carrington, who expresses himself with a theatrical guile) and the relationships between the characters feel far more personable and natural as a result.

A remote outpost discovers a humanoid alien that goes on a rampage once accidentally dethawed.

After meeting with the other scientists and civilians stationed at the outpost, Captain Hendry flies his crew, Dr. Carrington, and others to the crash site, only to discover a genuine flying saucer buried under the ice! Rather than wait for approval from his commanding officer, Captain Hendry orders thermite charges to be placed around the site to melt the ice, accidentally destroying the craft when the explosives react violently to the hull. Though Dr. Carrington is aghast by this, his excitement soon reignites when they discover a large humanoid “Thing” buried nearby. This time, the team dig it out and take it to the outpost, though Dr. Carrington’s frustrated by Captain Hendry’s insistence that they await further orders before defrosting or investigating their strange guest. Scotty is similarly irritated to be barred from reporting what they’ve found, seeing the discovery as the story of the century and eager to share it, as Captain Hendry is anxious to avoid another blunder. As the team hunker down against a blistering storm and take shifts watching the creature, Corporal Barnes (William Self) becomes unnerved by the Thing’s gaze and accidentally thaws it out after covering it with an electric blanket he didn’t realise was plugged in. The Thing awakens, briefly runs amok through the outpost, and flees into the storm, attacking the sled dogs and losing some of its arm before disappearing. Upon investigating the severed limb, the resident scientists conclude that the creature is a bizarre humanoid plant that feeds on blood; the hand even reanimates after absorbing some of the dog’s blood staining it. Dr. Carrington slowly becomes obsessed with the creature, believing it to be intellectually and physically superior to man and wishing to learn its secrets, only for Captain Hendry to repeatedly shoot down his insane requests and prioritise saving lives over reasoning with a mindless creature.

Captain Hendry and Dr. Carrington disagree on how best to handle the bloodthirsty Thing.

The titular “Thing” is seen sparingly, which I was surprised by. After its initial awakening, the creature vanishes and the film focuses on the research into its nature, barricading the outpost against further attacks, and searching for the creature before it can strike again. It’s still active in the background, but we only hear about it from shellshocked survivors and through dialogue. Unlike the shapeshifting, nebulous alien Thing from the book and subsequent outings, the Thing is a towering, humanoid “Martian” more like a vampire than a voracious extraterrestrial. The survivors discover a sled dog drained of its blood and hear from the traumatised Doctor Stern (Eduard Franz) that the creature attacked the outpost greenhouse, killing everyone and hanging them from the rafters to drain their blood, which would’ve been gnarly to see. Captain Hendry is surprisingly calm about the entire situation and there are no instances of paranoia or cabin fever among the survivors. The only conflict comes from the scientists who wish to defend and study the creature and the military who wish to kill it. Captain Hendry is horrified to learn from Nikki that Dr. Carrington, who’s been going without rest since the Thing was discovered, has been feeding blood samples to seeds from the creature’s arm, producing alien plants that has the airmen speculating that the Thing came to conquer the world. Thanks to the storm, communicating with Brigadier General Fogerty (David McMahon) and the outside world is spotty, at best, resulting in Captain Hendry receiving a bunch of one-way messages and orders to fortify the outpost and survive but leave the creature unharmed. Seeing the threat the Thing poses, Captain Hendry naturally disregards these orders, and Dr. Carrington’s mad objections, and has the Thing doused with kerosene and set alight when it next attacks. Despite the Thing going up in flames, it wildly lashes out and almost burns the outpost down before escaping into the snowstorm.

Despite Dr. Carrington’s objections, the Thing is destroyed and Scotty submits a dire warning to the world.

While recovering, the survivors are horrified to learn that Dr. Carrington’s musings about the creature’s intelligence are at least partially true as the Thing sabotages the outpost’s heating system, threatening to freeze them to death within hours. Surmising that the Thing will target the electricity next, Captain Hendry corrals all the survivors into the generator room and the airmen take an offhand suggestion from Nikki (“Boil it, bake it, stew it, fry it”) to heart, rigging a high voltage “fly trap” to electrocute the creature in a narrow corridor. Seemingly sensing their blood, the Thing crashes through their makeshift barricade and stalks its way towards them, noticeably avoiding the wires hidden beneath the pallets on the floor. Although Dr. Carrington attempts to sabotage the plan by shutting the generator off at a crucial moment, he’s easily disarmed and briefly subdued, but Captain Hendry’s forced to wait for the hulking Thing to position itself correctly on their trap. Dr. Carrington rushes to it, pleading for reason and to begin a dialogue, only to be roughly shoved aside and left with a broken collarbone. Despite its immense size, strength, and durability, the Thing blunders into position and is zapped by a few thousand volts in a surprisingly ambitious light show. Captain Hendry keeps the juice poured on until the Thing is reduced to a smouldering pile of ash, though Scotty faints before he can get a clear shot of the creature. The survivors round up all remains of the Thing and burn those, too, before treating their wounds and decompressing as the storm dies down. While Captain Hendry and Nikki tease taking their relationship to the next level, Scotty finally gets to call in his story, eagerly painting a dramatic picture of the pitched battle fought at the outpost and warning his listeners to “Watch the skies everywhere. Keep looking. Keep watching the skies…”

Final Thoughts:
Although I’m a big fan of John Carpenter’s 1982 remake of Who Goes There?, I’ve never read the book or watched this original adaptation, though I gather it’s a very loose one with only the basic elements of the story being represented. Most notably, the titular Thing is very different from the source material and subsequent adaptations, being more akin to Frankenstein’s Monster than a shape-changing organism. I’m not surprised by this as I doubt the technology existed to bring the creature to life in a more faithful way and it makes sense to reimagine it as a hulking, humanoid alien given where sci-fi was at the time. I liked the twist that it was essentially a walking vegetable and like a vampire, feeding on blood and growing alien plants from its seeds, potentially to overrun the world. I would’ve liked to see this emphasised more, perhaps to see the Thing’s spores spread throughout the outpost and maybe infect those within to bring in some of the paranoia from the book and definitely would’ve liked to see more death and destruction from the disappointingly absent creature. Luckily, the relationships and banter between the characters is more than enough to sustain the film in the Thing’s absence, with Captain Hendry and his men having very enjoyable and realistic interactions. I really liked that the actors kept talking over each other and the banter between the characters, which was nicely contrasted with Dr. Carrington’s objections. He was a very theatrical character but, again, felt somewhat underutilised and I would’ve liked to see him sabotaging their efforts more. Despite all this, and the film being oddly paced and lacking in urgency, The Thing from Another World was still quite enjoyable and somewhat ambitious at times. It’s a great example of a classic, 1950s sci-fi flick that is perhaps a little dated these days, far surpassed by its remake, and arguably lacking compared to some of its peers, but it still has a charm and appeal that make it an entertaining watch.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Did you enjoy this first adaptation of Who Goes There? If you’ve read the book, what did you think to the changes made to the story? Did you enjoy the banter and interactions between the characters? Do you agree that the Thing should’ve featured a lot more? Do you think Dr. Carrington was right to want to communicate with the Thing? How are you celebrating sci-fi this month? Whatever you thought to The Thing from Another World, comment down below and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest other sci-fi films for me to review.

Movie Night [Christmas Countdown]: Terrifier 3

Dr. K1 Comment

Released: 11 October 2024
Director: Damien Leone
Distributor: Cineverse / Iconic Events Releasing
Budget: $2 million
Stars: David Howard Thornton, Lauren LaVera, Antonella Rose, Samantha Scaffidi, and Elliott Fullam

The Plot:
Supernaturally reborn Art the Clown (Thornton) and his demonic cohort, Victoria Heyes (Scaffidi), torment traumatised Sienna Shaw (LaVera) and her family at Christmas.

The Background:
The fear of clowns (or “Coulrophobia”) crops up a lot in horror and reality, largely thanks to fictional “Evil Clowns” like Stephen King’s Pennywise and twisted psychos like John Wayne Gacy. Though I’ve never found clowns particularly scary, writer and director Damien Leone touched upon Coulrophobia with The 9th Circle (2008), a short film that featured a prototype of Art the Clown (Mike Giannelli). Though merely a supporting character, Art was popular enough for Leone to bring him back in Terrifier (2011) and All Hallows’ Eve (2013), and to expand the character into a modern-day slasher icon in Terrifier (2016). Though a modest success met with largely positive reviews (especially for David Howard Thornton’s performance and the sickening gore), Leone was dissatisfied with some his characterisations of the protagonists and sought to address this in the 2022 sequel. Weathering criticisms about its brutal content, Terrifier 2 was a critical and commercial success and Leone was excited to add additional nuance to Samantha Scaffidi’s returning character. Leone also gave wrestler Chris Jericho additional screen time, reaped the benefit of a vastly increased budget, and sought to emulate John Carpenter by shooting the film with Panavision anamorphic lenses. With a $90 million box office, Terrifier 3 was the most successful of the franchise at the time, and the reviews mirrored this. While the narrative and extreme content continued to be criticised, critics praised the ever-expanding lore and characters, with many reviews lauding the various complex and captivating performances, and this success all-but ensured the continuation of the controversial slasher franchise.

The Review:
Terrifier 3 opens with pure, unadulterated shock value: a home invasion around the festive season where Art’s dressed as Santa Claus and which establishes the slightly different direction of the film. Namely, Leone relies far more on long, lingering shots and a tense build-up to the brutal gore. Thus, we follow cute youngster Juliet Thomas (Luciana VanDette), who’s awakened by the sounds of commotion on the roof she adorably believes is Santa. While her mother, Jennifer (Krsy Fox), encourages her imagination to get her back to sleep, neither her father or brother (Mark (Alex Ross) and Timmy (Kellen Raffaelo), respectively) have any time for her wild claims. Juliet’s ecstatic when she creeps downstairs and sees Santa lingering near the family tree, but enters a state of awestruck shock when Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick pulls out a fire axe and tip-toes upstairs to hack Timmy to death (off camera, but still rather shocking) and brutalise Mark. Yes, it’s Art the Clown in his newest festive guise, as spiteful as ever. He relishes Jennifer’s screams as he bludgeons Mark and gleefully chases her downstairs before caving in the distraught mother’s head. Art then helps himself to milk and cookies and even does the dishes. Art spies Juliet hiding in a kitchen cupboard, though her fate’s ultimately left ambiguous and I wouldn’t be against seeing her return in a future film. This opening is extremely unsettling, mainly because it’s easy to imagine it happening. Mark tends to leave the front door unlocked and ajar and he and his son are slaughtered before they even knew what hit them. To say nothing of Jennifer’s horrified reaction to her son’s body parts strewn around his bloodstained room and the trauma Juliet suffered as she tries to comprehend the horror happening before her eyes. It’s extremely effective, mainly because of the time Leone takes to build anticipation and the way he teases us with bits and pieces of the kills. I am surprised that Terrifier 3 didn’t go the whole hog and show Art hacking a child to death, considering the franchise isn’t exactly known for pulling its punches.

Traumatised by her encounter with Art, Sienna struggles to realise her seemingly divine destiny.

A security guard (Chris Jericho) at the mental hospital where the horrifically disfigured Victoria Heyes has been incarcerated since the first movie then stumbles open the scarified wretch consuming a nurse, Art’s disembodied head joining in and connected to Victoria by a ghastly umbilical cord! Victoria lets out a plea for help that appears to be her last gasp of sanity and humanity before the demonic force (the “Little Pale Girl” (Amelie McLain) from the last film) possesses her. The demonic Victoria then cheerfully joins Art in tearing the guard’s head to pieces, Art’s headless body having sprung to life and travelled across town after ripping off a cop’s (Stephen Cofield Jr.) head. This reanimation and possession seems to exhaust them as they travel to an abandoned house and enter a strange hibernation, Art reclining in a rocking chair and Victoria slitting her wrists in a bathtub, where they wait for five years. It’s not entirely clear why: potentially exhaustion, as I said (Art seems visibly annoyed with Victoria’s antics, as though cranky and needing a nap) or possibly because the dark power of the Halloween season is leaving them. Regardless, they lie dormant and the “Miles County Clown” becomes a modern-day myth discussed on true crime podcasts like Mia’s (Alexa Blair Robertson), a fangirl who’s hooking up with Jonathan’s (Fullam) roommate, Cole (Mason Mecartea). We catch up with Sienna as she’s being discharged from five years in therapy following her bizarre and brutal encounter with Art. Jonathan, however, is in college and seemingly happy to survive on a diet of denial, pills, and isolation, despite initially being so obsessed with demonology and possession that he wrote Sienna letters about his wild theories regarding Art, the demonic forces behind him, and the strange, seemingly angelic destiny bestowed upon Sienna by their father, artist Michael Shaw (Jason Patric). With her mother dead, Sienna stays with her aunt and uncle, Jess (Margaret Anne Florence) and Greg Shaw (Bryce Johnson), though their compassion wanes as Sienna becomes agitated and aggressive after first sensing Art’s presence and then receiving conformation that her tormentor is still alive.

Though Sienna tries to find peace with her extended family, Jonathan remains in denial.

Sienna is very different from the last movie but is initially determined to get back on track and rediscover herself by rekindling her sisterly relationship with her cousin, Gabbie (Rose). Gabbie is in awe of Sienna and looks up to her as an idol and older sister, admiring Sienna’s scars and reading her journal, a private musing of the nightmares that still haunt our traumatised heroine. Sienna tries to rebuild bridges with Jonathan using the festive season and is dismayed to find her little brother deep in denial and refusing to believe that Art is still alive. Despite her years of therapy, Sienna is still very fragile; she relies on medication to sleep and is shaunted by screams and visions from her experiences. She’s either hearing the dreaded “Clown Café” jingle or seeing delusions of her brutalised best friend, Brooke (Kailey Hyman), feeding her survivor’s guilt and leaving her a neurotic mess. However, as good as LaVera continues to be, I would’ve liked to see more emphasis placed on Sienna’s fractured mental state. Brooke could’ve shown up more, for example, and Sienna’s scars could’ve been more prominent. Her relationship with Gabbie was adorable, though, and there’s a sense that Sienna relies on this normalcy to move on from her past, but Sienna is quick to anger when Mia badgers her and erratically lashes out at Jonathan when he seemingly turns his back on her, unaware that he’s hiding his panic attacks. Terrifier 3 delves a little more into Sienna’s past where, as a child (Luciana Elisa Quiñonez), she was doted on by her father, who depicted her as an angelic warrior. Jonathan also claims Sienna was “chosen”, presumably by angelic forces seeking to counterbalance the demon that possessed Art and Victoria, and the film teasing with a bizarre nightmare depicting the statuesque Virgin Mary (Juliana Lamia) forcing a bound demon (Michel Vidal) to forge Sienna’s magical sword.

Joined by the demonic Victoria, Art’s more supernatural and malicious than ever.

Though he may have started as a theatrical, but still mortal, serial killer, Art has become something far worse. He was essentially supernatural in Terrifier 2, but it’s taken up a notch here, with his headless body lumbering about and killing and his disembodied head being reborn through Victoria. Yet, though Art can reattach his head, shrug off bullets, and hibernate for years, he still feels pain when attacked by Sienna and her sword, and his abilities remain rooted in his bag of tricks (now given a festive makeover). Art cobbles together a liquid nitrogen spray device and later boobytraps gifts with a homemade bomb, and cosplays as Santa seemingly on a whim. He spots Charles Johnson (Daniel Roebuck) drinking in a bar and excitedly accosts him, believing he’s the real Santa, only to steal his outfit and leave Johnson a frigid, bloody mess. Art delights in luring victims with his festive guise, enjoying the same degree of anonymity his clown outfit gave him at Halloween, making his horror even more visceral since he targets children. Art’s joined by Victoria, a demonic presence who literally (and gruesomely) gets off on Art’s antics. Although Victoria’s very loquacious, she’s very aloof about who and what they are. Jonathan’s theory that the demonic force possessed the worst person imaginable (a serial killer) and is seeking to inhabit another, stronger body seems as true as his belief that Sienna’s been “chosen” to oppose these forces. Victoria first mocks Sienna’s status as a saviour then compliments her strength, and then literally tries to break Sienna by murdering what little family she has left so she (as in Victoria) can forcibly possess her. Unfortunately, this finale kind of relegates Art to Victoria’s henchman as she dictates the torture and is presented as something of a puppet master. It’s only a fleeting suggestion and the two are depicted more as equals when they do appear onscreen, but I would prefer Leone steer away from diminishing Art like that in future instalments.

The Nitty-Gritty:
I’m not going to get into a debate about whether or not Terrifier 3 is a Christmas movie. It’s set during the festive season, there are Christmas trees, mall Santas, presents, and trappings everywhere, and Art’s going around dressed as Santa, which is enough for me! I will, however, debate the evolving lore. While it seems like Leone is simply making up the story as he goes, suggesting things that may or may not be relevant in the future, there’s a strong suggestion of biblical forces at work. Jonathan believed the Little Pale Girl was the key to it all the film suggests that Art was once a serial killer who, upon his death (either in Terrifier or before), was possessed by a demonic force like the demon in Victoria. Someone, presumably angels or another divine presence, then seemingly chose Sienna to counter these forces and worked through her father to prepare her for this destiny, bestowing her with a magical sword forged by a captive demon. However, while this is said to be the only weapon capable of stopping Art and Victoria, Art still recovered after being beheaded by it and he survives another stabbing from the blade here, though the sword does heal Sienna’s wounds. Sienna previously fell down some kind of Hell hole in Terrifier 2 and another pops up here to swallow Gabbie and the sword, and Sienna’s haunted by memories of the Clown Café, an unsettling upbeat corner of whatever Hell these demons are from that seemingly relishes the suffering of others. It’s intriguing and there are some interesting visuals and suggestions here, though Terrifier 3 stubbornly refuses to provide any explicit details, perhaps to maintain a sense of mystery or perhaps because Leone hasn’t figured out how it all fits together yet. Instead, the film uses it as a backdrop to Sienna’s fractured mental state, which leaves her on edge and tormented by nightmares, though I would’ve liked to see more of these so we could get a better sense of how much she’s struggling with her guilt.

The film certainly delivers the brutal kills you’d expect, though with more suspense than before.

Terrifier 3 had an uphill battle trying to top the last film’s gruesome kills and, perhaps in recognition of this, puts more effort into building tension before Art strikes. Naturally, there are exceptions: Art’s headless body pounces upon the cop that discovers it, for example, Victoria viciously stabs an unassuming exterminator (Michael Genet) through the neck with a shard of glass, and Art opts to simply gun down the bar patrons before torturing Charles. Interestingly, some kills are kept off-screen: we never see what Art and Victoria do to the Art cosplayer (Peter Mitchell), for instance, and both Greg and even Jonathan die off camera. This was an odd choice for me, and it felt like some scenes were cut from the movie, so jarring was their end, to the point where I’m assuming Jonathan is either still alive or we’ll get a flashback in Terrifier 4. Of course, there’s plenty of onscreen brutality and it’s just as macabrely fascinating and disturbing. While Art starts rather pedestrian with a fire axe, he and Victoria are soon ripping Chris Jericho’s jaw off and it’s not long before demented clown is slicing through another exterminator’s (Jon Abrahams) head with a Stanley knife and ripping his skin down his skull! Art’s particularly proud of his liquid nitrogen contraption, which he uses to flash-freeze Charles’ leg, hand, and face before bashing the limbs with a hammer and ripping his beard off. The film’s standout kill sequence sees Art attack Cole and Mia in the college showers with a chainsaw, cutting through bone and muscle and leaving Mia a gibbering mess of sliced meat as he grants her wish to be face-to-face with pure evil. Cole gets the worst of it, having half a hand chopped off, then his leg severed in sickening fashion, before being sliced up the rear and then from the groin to his belly, leaving him little more than steaming meat on the tiles. While it’s truly bizarre that Jonathan’s supposed death happens offscreen, it leads to a particularly ghastly end for Jess as she gets a plastic tube hammered down her throat and is forced to swallow rats before having her throat cut. It’s a scene eerily similar to a sequence form American Psycho (Ellis, 1991) and one that, again, I feel could’ve been even more extreme, like the rats could’ve come clawing out her nether regions or something!

Although Sienna dispatches Victoria, Gabbie falls to Hell and Art escapes into the night…

Perhaps the most distressing kills, however, are those that befall the unsuspecting children fooled by Art’s disguise. After posing as Santa at the mall, Art leaves a bunch of kids and their parents splattered across the festive scenery with a bomb, which deeply unsettles Sienna to the point where she starts screaming for Jonathan to be brought to them so they can get to safety. Although Greg begrudgingly goes to get him, Sienna wakes from a disturbing dream to find her uncle beheaded and nailed to the lounge wall and Art and Victoria in her home. Bound and gagged and beaten with a mallet, Sienna’s forced to watch her aunt’s horrific death. Her relief at finding Gabbie alive is short-lived since the girl’s held at knife point by Art and Victoria triumphantly presents Jonathan’s gory skull to her captive. When her first attempt to possess Sienna fails, Victoria prepares to kill Gabbie to finally break Sienna’s spirit but decides it’d be amusing to watch Sienna open Gabbie’s Christmas present first. After Art bashes Sienna’s hands to a pulp, Victoria demands she open the gift but she and her mute cohort are horrified when it turns out to be the magic sword (which Sienna recovered from the Terrifier funhouse, though I’ve no idea why she left it there or why we never see her get it…) Empowered by the sword, Sienna stabs and beheads Victoria and then jousts with Art, who attacks with his chainsaw. Although Sienna pins Art to the wall, she’s forced to abandon him when Victoria’s remains rot away and open a portal to Hell right under Gabbie! Despite Sienna’s best efforts, she fails to save her cousin, who’s sucked into the void alongside the sword. Although Sienna’s wounds heal and she’s determined to save her surrogate sister, Art escapes into the night to continue unsettling the populace, ending the festive slasher on a cliff-hanger…

The Summary:
I had high hopes heading into Terrifier 3. The first one might’ve been a bit rough around the edges, but the sequel was such a vast improvement, with memorable gore and a relatable and adorable main character to root for. Terrifier 3 seems to struggle with its momentum right from the start, substituting gruesome kills for suspense, which would be fine if this wasn’t a series known for its in-your-face splatter gore. While there are some standout kills and many of the dismemberments and torture sequences are as brutal as you’d expect, it’s jarring when the camera cuts away or significant characters like Jonathan are seemingly killed onscreen. If Leone is going for pure shock value by killing kids, the least he can do is follow through and present some nightmarishly unsettling deaths rather than merely showing us the bloody aftermath. It doesn’t help that Terrifier 3 feels like it’s making the story up as it goes along, clumsily suggesting a coherent narrative through exposition and teases but potentially setting up for an underwhelming payoff. Art’s still very mysterious but the supernatural, demonic context takes some of the allure off him, as does relegating him to Victoria’s henchman in the finale. It’s a fleeting moment and one that’s inconsequential compared to the carnage Art unleashes throughout the film, but I wonder if it might’ve been just as good, if not better, if Victoria had accompanied him throughout and joined in with the kills, if only to cement them as equals. Similarly, while I enjoyed Sienna’s struggles with her trauma and her desperate attempts to continue on after everything she went through, I don’t think the film focused on her delusions and nightmares enough. It could’ve been so much more harrowing if she was having visions of her loved ones so that she (and we) question her sanity. Instead, it’s kind of swept under the rug near the end. It feels like some of this (like other sequences and deaths) were cut to save time, resulting in an uneven narrative that left me unsatisfied at times. David Howard Thornton and Lauren LaVera still give excellent performances, newcomer Antonella Rose is everything Elliott Fullam isn’t, and I did like seeing Victoria depicted as a cackling witch and the hints towards some greater biblical endgame…I just hope the payoff is satisfying and it all fits together in the end.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Did you enjoy Terrifier 3? What did you think to Victoria joining Art as a demonic partner? Do you agree that more focus should’ve been placed on Sienna’s fractured mental state? Which of the kills was your favourite and what did you think to the greater emphasis on tension? Did you also feel like key moments were cut from the film? What’s your favourite Christmas-themed scary movie and which Terrifier film is your favourite? Let me know your thoughts about Terrifier 3 in the comments, support me on Ko-Fi, and check out my other horror and Christmas content!

Movie Night [Christmas Countdown]: Black Christmas (1974)

Dr. K2 Comments

Released: 11 October 1974
Director: Bob Clark
Distributor: Ambassador Film Distributors
Budget: $686,000
Stars: Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, James Edmond, John Saxon, and Nick Mancuso/Bob Clark/Albert J. Dunk

The Plot:
Jess Bradford (Hussey) and her Sorority Sisters are tormented by obscene phone calls from “The Moaner” (Mancuso/Clark) that soon turn violent when the bodies pile up over Christmas.

The Background:
While John Carpenter’s Halloween (Carpenter, 1978) can be said to have popularised the “slasher” sub-genre, and copycats like the equally iconic Friday the 13th franchise (Various, 1980 to present) established its enduring tropes, slasher films can more accurately be traced back to this seminal, Christmas-themed horror. Initially developed by Canadian screenwriter Roy Moore and inspired by both urban legends and a gruesome string of murders, Black Christmas aimed to present realistic protagonists and challenge perceived notions of female leads with a socially relevant character arc. The late Olivia Hussey took the lead on the advice of a psychic, while Margot Kidder was allegedly attracted to how wild her character was and director Bob Clark was said to have meticulously storyboarded the entire film. Clark employed first-person shots to portray the mysterious killer and his techniques genuinely shocked both cast and crew. Briefly retitled Silent Night, Deadly Night upon release, Black Christmas was an unexpected box office hit that initially garnered mixed reviews. Over time, the film was heralded as a classic of the genre that was especially celebrated for its feminist subtext and subverting expectations of the festive holiday. While it massively influenced subsequent slashers, Black Christmas never spawned a sequel, though it was eventually remade over the years and fan film continuations later emerged,

The Review:
Black Christmas is set almost entirely within a sorority house around the Christmas season. This provides a good sense of space and the rooms in the house, but it does get a touch repetitive being stuck in the same location 90% of the film. Interestingly, despite there only being a handful of residents cared for by alcoholic and incorrigible housemother Barbara MacHenry/Mrs. Mac (Marian Waldman), the house seems to shrink as the film goes on, becoming more claustrophobic and ominous, especially as many scenes are shot from the perspective of the killer hiding in their attic. This largely unseen, mysterious figure approaches the house in the dead of night at the start of the film and easily clambers to the attic, watching the sorority sisters muddle about with their various dramas. Chief among them is the repeated obscene phone calls they receive from a raspy, vulgar voice they’ve dubbed the Moaner. At least once a day, the Moaner calls and growls aggressively sexual threats and comments to the girls, who are disgusted and amazed by this. While Jess is appalled and quiet newcomer Clare Harrison (Lynne Griffin) is disturbed, headstrong, domineering Barbara “Barb” Coard (Kidder) fearlessly challenges the voice and barks equally obscene insults. Barb’s efforts only exacerbate the deranged Moaner, leading to the voice screaming, arguing with itself, and threatening to kill her. Already upset by the calls and Barb’s snide comments, Clare prepares to spend Christmas with her father (Edmond) only to be surprised and suffocated by their unwanted house guest. Her corpse is toyed with by the killer (let’s call him “Billy”) and undiscovered for the entire film but driving much of what follows.

As if obscene phone calls aren’t bad enough, Jess is dealing with an unwanted pregnancy.

A big and very unusual sub-plot of Black Christmas revolves around beautiful and determined Jess, who ironically usurps many of the tropes of a “Final Girl” as she’s in a sexual relationship with Peter Symthe (Dullea) and it can be inferred she enjoys drinking with her sisters. Jess discovers she’s pregnant early on, leading to disagreements between her and her piano playing “artist” boyfriend about what to do. Jess decides it would be unfair to have an abortion without telling Peter first, but he’s stunned by her decision and comes across as very condescending and neurotic when she tells him. Any time Peter questions her, Jess stands her ground, determined to decide what to do with her body and only informing him as a courtesy. It’s telling that Jess only replies with “I know you do” when Peter says he loves her, especially as she later shoots down his marriage proposal and insists that she doesn’t want to give up her dreams (whatever they are) just because he’s decided to drop out. Although they initially seem to have a very loving relationship, the baby revelation rocks Peter to the point where he messes up his piano playing and takes a very draconian view on the matter. While I agree that Peter is allowed to be upset and deserves to know that she’s pregnant, Jess makes very valid points about not being ready or willing to be a mother or throwing her youth away on a marriage that likely won’t last. It’s a very mature and pragmatic attitude and it’s clear she’s thought it all through, just as it’s clear she’s disappointed not to have his support but not very bothered since she knows she’s better off without him. When the Moaner’s calls emulate a baby’s screams and seemingly mock her, Jess finally reports the calls and concerned Lieutenant Kenneth Fuller (Saxon) immediately suspects Peter after seeing and hearing of his attitude about the abortion.

The sorority sisters have no idea that they’re being stalked by a deranged killer.

This relationship drama is as much a focal point of Black Christmas as the mystery of the calls and the stranger in the sorority house, though it’s married with Mr. Harrison’s concerns for his daughter. When she no-shows their rendezvous, he visits the sorority house to look for her, dismayed at the idea of his daughter picking up boys and partying rather than studying. While Mrs. Mac tries to alleviate his concerns, he remains unimpressed by Barb’s outspoken demeanour and taste for the booze. Regularly swigging back shots and even encouraging minors to drink, Barb drowns her sorrows, clearly upset that her mother would rather go off with her new fancy man than spend Christmas with her. Though her sisters rally around her, Barb is a prickly and difficult person to love and her drinking only makes her worse as she humiliates herself before the worried Mr. Harrison and alienates the others with her selfish and confrontational attitude. This is only worsened by growing concerns about Clare and a local teenager being killed in the park, with most of our main characters helping to search for the girl. Lieutenant Fuller leads this effort, immediately taking Mrs. Quaife’s (Martha Gibson) concerns for her daughter to heart and organising a search party. Lieutenant Fuller equally takes the report of Clare’s disappearance very seriously, and the obscene calls reported by Jess, chastising inept Sergeant Nash (Douglas McGrath) for dismissing them and withholding what he sees as irrelevant information. Determined to help, Lieutenant Fuller taps the sorority house phone and encourages Jess to keep the Moaner on the line to trace the source, only to grow increasingly suspicious of Peter when he overhears them arguing about the abortion.

The Nitty-Gritty:
This was my first time watching Black Christmas, which I can immediately tell inspired John Carpenter. The shots from Billy’s perspective, the disconcerting breathing, the sense of dread surrounding the sorority sisters as we know there’s someone in the house but they don’t is all mirrored in Halloween. In some ways, however, it might’ve been better to not show Billy entering the house or any shots from his perspective except when he’s killing as it makes the iconic reveal that “The calls are coming from inside the house” less impactful since we know Billy is behind the calls. Still, it is disturbing knowing Billy is rattling around upstairs and could strike at any moment, and seeing the characters be so oblivious to this. And, honestly, why wouldn’t they be? Jess is notably very distracted by her unwanted pregnancy and her issues with Peter, delivering an extremely progressive (and no doubt controversial, then and now) sub-plot regarding a woman’s decision to do what she wants with her body and how insensitive and entitled men can be about that. Personally, I think she’s right to have an abortion if she’s not ready. She never says she wouldn’t want children some day; she just wants a chance to live her life first rather than being trapped with an asshole and his baby, resenting both. The search for Mrs. Quaife’s daughter was an odd sub-plot, however. It might’ve been better if Lieutenant Fuller and the others were searching for Clare instead, though it was odd that the police never thought to search the sorority house or Clare’s room, where her lifeless corpse is left rocking in a chair for Billy’s amusement. While Barb is clearly the loudest and most obnoxious, she’s clearly upset about her mother and people judging her. Phyllis “Phyl” Carlson (Andrea Martin) is easily the weakest of the sisters in terms of screen time and characterisation, portrayed as the voice of reason when Barb gets drunk, but Mrs. Mac was a delight every time she was on the screen sneaking booze, searching for her cat, or coyly apologising for the sisters’ behaviour.

Thanks to Peter’s bad attitude, Billy goes as undiscovered as some of his victims.

Although Black Christmas is more of a suspenseful thriller than a stab-happy slasher and the body count is very low, the deaths are pretty decent and harrowing. Clare is asphyxiated with cling film and her corpse is left rocking in a chair, eyes bulging and mouth silently screaming, for Billy to toy with. Although Mrs. Mac gets a roped hook to the neck offscreen, we do hear her strangled cries and see her hanging there, blood dripping down her body, as undiscovered as Clare. Mrs. Quaife’s little girl is killed offscreen and we never see her body or how Phyl and Officer Jennings (Julian Reed) die (though we do see their bodies and that Jennings has had his throat slit). Barb’s death is thus the showcase of the film. Sent to bed by Phyl after making a fool of herself, Barb is brutally stabbed by Billy with a glass unicorn, giving a rare glimpse of the killer (his bulging eye against his darkened silhouette), though the kill is mostly from his perspective. Billy is a demented and disturbing figure who seems to have multiple personalities, mood swings, and to despise women, hinting at an abusive childhood and a deranged psyche. Delighting in tormenting the sisters, he strikes from the shadows and goes largely unnoticed as they’re more concerned with his phone calls. After Sergeant Nash urges Jess to leave the house immediately as the killer’s in there, she naturally disregards his warnings and investigates, discovering her dead friends and being forced into the basement by the crazed stranger. When Peter breaks into the basement to help her, the panicked Jess reacts without thinking (or possibly assuming Lieutenant Fuller’s suspicions were correct) and beats Peter to death with a fire poker. In the aftermath, Lieutenant Fuller wraps the case up, believing Peter went nuts after being spurned by Jess, completely oblivious that Billy is still hiding in the attic.

The Summary:
As I said, this was my first time seeing Black Christmas, much to my shame. I was well aware of its place in horror history, and its twist ending, and somewhat familiar with the plot since I’ve seen the 2006 remake a few times but never found time to watch the original. Consequently, much of my opinion comes from love of Halloween, which clearly borrowed many elements from this film, especially regarding the mysterious and stalkerish nature of its disturbed killer. It was interesting seeing how much focus was placed on the sorority sisters and how relatable they were, Jess especially. She’s making difficult decisions at a difficult time of her life and dealing with a difficult boyfriend, all while being increasingly unnerved by the Moaner’s ghastly phone calls. Barb might’ve been an obnoxious and rowdy character, but I appreciated her subtle layers and the insecurities she was dealing with. Mrs. Mac was a fantastic addition and John Saxon brought a lot of authority to his role, especially in how he chastised dismissive Sergeant Nash, whose ineptitude cost lives and time. Billy’s obscene language and deranged behaviour becomes increasingly harrowing and malicious as he specifically targets each girl, and I loved the mystery surrounding him as we never learn anything about him or even see what he looks like. My only complaint is that we’re fully aware that Billy is in the sorority house and that Peter is innocent, meaning there’s little suspense around who’s behind it all, but it was still thrilling knowing Billy was always lurking and watching and could strike at any moment. Ultimately, I feel this is a fair rating as Black Christmas laid the foundation for the slasher sub-genre but many of its most distinguishable features were done far better in subsequent films, though I did enjoy the character drama and the sense of dread that built throughout the film.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

Is Black Christmas a Christmas tradition for you? Which of the sorority sisters was your favourite? Were you shocked to see the film tackling abortions? Do you think it detracted from the horror to know that Billy was in the house? Which of the kills was your favourite? What’s your favourite Christmas-themed scary movie? Use the comments below to discuss Black Christmas, check out my other horror content, and donate to my Ko-Fi if you’d like to see me review the other Black Christmas movies.

Movie Night: Creepshow

Dr. K6 Comments

Click here to listen to my guest spot on the Anthological podcast discussing this film

Released: 10 November 1982
Director: George A. Romero
Distributor: Warner Bros. Pictures
Budget: $8 million
Stars: Carrie Nye, Jon Lormer, Stephen King, Leslie Nielsen, Ted Danson, Hal Holbrook, Fritz Weaver, E. G. Marshall, and Joe King

The Plot:
Abused Billy Hopkins (Joe King) takes solace in Creepshow, a horror anthology comic with tales of a cursed family’s Father’s Day, a simple-minded yokel’s encounter with a meteorite, a heartless millionaire’s spiteful vengeance, a mysterious crate, and a germaphobe’s battle against cockroaches.

The Background:
Horror has a long and successful association with anthologies for many decades. Books, comics, and television shows have benefitted from telling episodic or short-hand horror tales over the years, with celebrated horror author Stephen King using the medium to deliver some of his finest works. In 1982, King collaborated with the grandfather of the zombie genre, George A. Romero, on this cult classic horror anthology movie. While two of King’s existing short stories were adapted for the film, the remaining shorts were written specifically for the movie, with King and his young son appearing as actors. Star Ted Danson endured a gruelling experience shooting in a specially prepared pit to simulate being drowned while co-star Leslie Nielsen (then known as a dramatic actor) kept things light on set with a hidden fart machine. Additionally, although 20,000 live cockroaches were utilised for the “They’re Creeping Up on You” segment, horror legend Tom Savini bolstered their numbers with nuts and raisins. With a box office gross of over $21 million, Creepshow was a surprise success that proved popular with critics for its quirky blend of comedy and horror and became a horror classic. However, while Creepshow led to a comic book and two sequels of varying quality, distribution issues led to a planned television spin-off being reworked into the thematically similar Tales from the Darkside (1983 to 1988), though a well-regarded TV series revival did eventually emerge in 2019.

The Reviews:
As Creepshow is an anthology film comprised of five short stories and a framing narrative to tangentially link them together, it’s just logical that I go over each one individually and then discuss the overall film. The prologue and epilogue reveal that Creepshow is a horror anthology comic with pulp horror stories and advertisements for prank toys like x-ray glasses and voodoo dolls. Billy Hopkins (an avid horror fan judging by his bedroom) loves the comic but is berated by his cruel and strict father, Stan (Tom Atkins), for wasting his time on such trash. When Billy dares to speak back to his father, he gets a smack for his troubles, much to the chagrin of his loving but ultimately helpless mother (Iva Jean Saraceni). When Billy tries to appease his father and apologise, Tom sees through the trick and demands that he give up his comics and horror, forcing him to go to bed and tossing Creepshow in the trash. Unbeknownst to him, there is inexplicable supernatural power in those pages as the comic’s skeletal host, the Creep, lingers outside Billy’s window as he wishes death upon his father. The segments that follow are then presented as adaptations of the comic stories, complete with the occasional comic book panelling and colour effects to tie everything together. Once they’re all finished, two garbagemen (Marty Schiff and Tom Savini) retrieve the comic from the Hopkins’ trash and find the voucher for an “authentic” voodoo doll removed. Inside the Hopkins residence, the still grouchy and aggressive Tom complains of neck pain before experiencing stabbing pains all over. As Tom collapses in agony, Billy cackles gleefully in his bedroom as he repeatedly stabs at the voodoo doll, the image turning into the cover art for the next issue of Creepshow.

The wealthy Granthams are horrified when their patriarch reanimates and avenges himself upon them.

The first full-length story to spring to life is “Father’s Day”, which revolves around the filthy rich Grantham family. Every year, Sylvia (Carrie Nye), gathers the family for a special dinner. This year, her niece, Cass Blaine (Elizabeth Regan), brings her husband, Hank (Ed Harris), to meet her condescending aunt, her self-absorbed cousin, Richard (Warner Shook), and her great aunt, Bedelia (Viveca Lindfors). Between criticising Cass’s healthy appetite, Sylvia nonchalantly tells Hank that Bedelia, the family matriarch, once murdered the disgustingly wealthy and miserly Nathan Grantham (Lormer). Having accumulated vast wealth through unscrupulous and criminal means, the aged patriarch became aggressive, demanding, and paranoid, believing everyone was using him for his fortune and making constant, abusive demands of Bedelia, who was forced to care for him and endure his belittlement. Bedelia finally snapped after her father orchestrated the death of her fiancé, the only man who’d shown her any kindness, to keep her in check. Unable to take her father’s barrage of insults and childish demands for his Father’s Day cake, Bedelia cracked him in the head with an ash tray. Though free of Nathan’s abuse, Bedelia remained scarred and traumatised, placing a flower at his gravesite every Father’s Day. While drunkenly reminiscing about the murder, (which Sylvia helped cover up to profit from her inheritance), Bedelia is horrified when her father’s gaunt, gruesome corpse suddenly bursts from his grave and throttles her to death, still slurring demands for his cake. While having a smoke, Hank wanders into the family cemetery and ends up crushed when the zombified Nathan telekinetically drops a gravestone on him. When Cass expresses concern for her husband, Sylvia begrudgingly volunteers to look for him (hinting at her desire to seduce him), only to end up with her head twisted backwards by Nathan. Impatient and frustrated, Cass demands the lackadaisical and half-cut Richard help search for their missing party, only to be appalled when Nathan’s ghastly, maggot-ridden corpse bursts from the kitchen and proudly presents his cake: Sylvia’s severed head on a silver platter, covered with frosting and candles!

Unlucky halfwit Jordy is transformed by alien vegetation due to his stupidity.

Stephen King takes centre stage in “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill” as the titular, dim-witted, hillbilly farmer. After being amazed by a falling meteorite, Jordy investigates and, dreaming of collecting a cool $200 from the “Department of Meteors” at the local college, touches the red-hot rock without thinking. Jordy’s dismayed at his characteristic bad luck and thinks he’s cost himself a payday when he tries to cool the meteorite and it cracks and is so preoccupied by his overactive imagination that he misses the strange goo that spills from the rock and touches his skin. Retreating home, hoping to repair the meteorite in the morning, Jordy enjoys a beer and some wrestling, sucking his fingers out of habit, but is perplexed and horrified to find a strange, green vegetation growing there. Though he immediately thinks to call a doctor, he stops himself when he imagines it leading to a painful amputation and resolves to simply ignore the problem. As the night continues, the vegetation rapidly spreads across his land, his house, and his body, causing him dreadful itching and to drink himself into a stupor after seeing the vegetation consume his face. Unable to take the itching, Jordy tries to relieve his discomfort with a bath, only to be inexplicably warned against it by his deceased father (Bingo O’Malley), who warns that water will only feed his condition. Realising that he’s beyond help anyway, Jordy gratefully plunges into the bath for some momentary relief but, by the morning, his entire farm, house, and body are consumed by the alien vegetation. Despite the short opting for bizarre, dumbfounded comedy, the finale is unexpectedly grim and emotional as the transformed Jordy cocks his gun, prays for some good luck for once in his life, and blows off what used to be his head. While this ends his torment, the alien vegetation continues to spread beyond Jordy’s land, potentially spelling doom for humanity.

Psychotic spurned husband Richards finds his revenge revisiting him in the form of drowned ghouls!

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be surprised to see the late, great comedy actor Leslie Nielsen delivering a seemingly uncharacteristic performance as maniacal, spurned millionaire Richard Vickers in “Something to Tide You Over”. In actuality, Nielsen started his career in more dramatic roles, though his comedic flair seeps through here as Richard is disturbingly jovial and avuncular in his vengeance. After learning that his wife, Becky (Gaylen Ross), is having an affair with square-jawed Harry Wentworth (Danson), Richard visits Harry, coldly dismissing his feelings and simply looking to assert his right over his property. Unimpressed by Harry’s threats, Richard lures his rival to Comfort Point, a private beach he owns, where he implies Becky is in danger. Since he has no choice, Harry makes the trip, only to find a shallow grave in the sand, which he’s forced into at gunpoint by the menacingly aloof millionaire. Harry’s forced to bury himself neck-deep in sand and to watch a live feed of Becky in the same position, slowly succumbing to the tide as it washes over her. Dismissing Harry’s pleas and bribes, Richard simply drives off, watching with glee from his high-tech home as the two struggle to hold their breath. While a glimmer of sanity seems to suggest Richard has some remorse for his actions, a stiff cocktail quickly alleviates such emotions and he dispassionately returns to tidy up the crime scene hours later, sure that his victims were washed out to sea. However, Richard is stunned when Becky and Harry return as drenched, shuffling revenants bent on revenge. Though initially nonplussed and confident his pistol can hold off the ghouls, Richard’s reduced to a cackling, terrified wretch as the two shrug off his assault and use their supernatural powers to grab him, subjecting him to the same fate they suffered and leaving the raving lunatic to see just how long he can hold his breath.

The crate’s ravenous inhabitant represents the perfect chance for Henry to off his abusive wife.

“The Crate” is easily the longest segment and centres on good friends Dexter Stanley (Weaver) and Henry Northrup (Holbrook), professors at Horlicks University. Meek and mild-mannered, Henry daydreams of murdering his emotionally abusive, borderline alcoholic wife, Wilma/Billy (Adrienne Barbeau), who frequently belittles and embarrasses him in front of his friends. Though Dexter feels for his timid friend’s predicament, he’s powerless to intervene, but this drama is superseded when university janitor Mike Latimer (Don Keefer) discovers a mysterious crate hidden under a basement staircase. Though apparently originating from an Arctic expedition, the crate is a mystery to Dexter, who forces it open and is horrified when the bizarre, voracious ape-like “Fluffy” (Darryl Ferrucci) bursts out and devours Mike’s hand (and then the rest of him!) Fleeing, the shellshocked Dexter babbles of the horror to a passing graduate student (Robert Harper) who, first sceptical and then curious of the creature, is promptly mauled and dragged off by Fluffy, which returns to its crate after each kill. The half-mad Dexter shares the gory story with Henry, begging him to help dispose of the creature in a nearby quarry. Though loyal to his clearly traumatised friend, Henry sees this as the ideal way to dispose of his abusive wife and promptly drugs Dexter, clears up the crime scene, and lures Billy to the university on the pretence of helping a young girl who’s been assaulted by Dexter. Eager to both mock the girl’s ordeal and further demean Henry, the tanked-up Billy races over and, suspecting nothing from her meek husband, willingly enters the creature’s hovel without fear. Seizing his opportunity, Henry finally enacts his fantasies and desperately calls for the monster to awaken and kill his wife, only to be met with silence and a barrage of insults from Billy. Just as she’s done criticising his manhood, Fluffy pops out to feed. Though disgusted, Henry finds the courage to reseal the crate and dump it (and the bodies) in the quarry as Dexter suggested. Despite some apprehension, both men agree to stay quiet, though henry’s insistence that the ravenous creature has drowned turns out to be false when we see Fluffy tearing through the submerged crate.

Cruel germaphobe Pratt gets his comeuppance when he’s set upon by a swarm of cockroaches.

The final story, “They’re Creeping Up on You!”, forces us to share about twenty minutes with uncompromising, belligerent, and extremely wealthy businessman Upson Pratt (Marshall), a germaphobe who lives in a sparse, air-tight penthouse apartment and conducts all his business via telephone and computers. Pratt begins the story battling a cockroach infestation, spraying and stamping the bugs, demanding an exterminator, and threatening to rob people of their livelihoods if his demands are not met. Pratt is delighted to learn that his company’s recent successful corporate takeover resulted in the suicide of his business rival, Norman Castonmeyer, and dismissive towards Norman’s grieving widow, Lenora (Ann Muffly). When Lenora blames him for her husband’s death and wishes all kinds of pain upon the cruel entrepreneur, Pratt simply laughs, having fended off such insults all his life just as effectively as he’s stamped out bugs. Still, Pratt is increasingly disgusted and troubled by the cockroaches, which appear in his food, his equipment, and soon swarm throughout his apartment during a blackout. Having insulted an alienated anyone who could help him, Pratt never wavers in his desire to avenge himself on those who have subjected him to the infestation but is soon overrun by persistent bugs. In his panic, Pratt flees to a more secure panic room only to be mocked by another call from Lenora, who wishes death upon him, and promptly suffers a fatal heart attack upon seeing cockroaches scuttling around his bed. When the blackout lifts, the aggrieved, unsympathetic building handyman (David Early) stops by to check on the unresponsive Pratt. While the cockroaches seem to have disappeared, perhaps vanished now Norman’s death has been avenged or being manifestations of Pratt’s isolation and paranoia, they soon burst from his corpse, tearing through his skin and enveloping his shredded remains.

The Nitty-Gritty:
Although Creepshow offers a unique premise, with its segments being stories in a comic book, the comic book hook isn’t used much. Sure, some shots are framed by comic book panels, actors are rendered against colourful backdrops, and each story fades into an artist’s depiction of the ending, but it’s a tangential link, at best. While the Creep is a questionable animatronic creation, he has a fun, creepy design and it would’ve been nice to see him (and/or Billy) thumbing through the pages of Creepshow and reacting to the stories between segments. The film is an interesting, if occasionally awkward, blend of horror and comedy, with “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill” being the worst offender. I’d like to say King is doing his best but Jordy is such a cartoonish buffoon that it’s hard to take his plight seriously, what with his bizarre fantasises about college professors and doctors. This seems to be a bait and switch, however, as the segment has an unexpected and emotional conclusion where Jordy blows what can loosely be described as his head off, but it doesn’t land quite as well since he’s such a bizarre moron prior. Creepshow really has an issue with pacing, to be honest, as the film is way too long at just over two hours and some stories drag on needlessly. I can’t help but think “The Crate” could’ve easily skipped right to Mike and Dexter examining the titular crate and cut out much of the dull build up. Sure, it effectively paints Billy as an abusive bitch and Henry as a timid, put upon husband, but we clearly see that in every interaction they have and dwelling upon how awful Billy is takes too much focus away from the monstrous Fluffy. While it’s likely it was intentional to paint Fluffy as an afterthought as the true horror was Billy’s belittling and vindictive ways, this segment outstayed its welcome by tacking on an odd final exchange between Henry and Dexter.

Though occasionally questionable, the practical effects are mostly gruesome highlights.

Even my favourite segment, “Something to Tide You Over”, suffers from uneven pacing. Richard’s threat and Harry’s awful predicament are well conveyed but things linger a little too long rather than focusing on Harry’s desperation and slow, painful death. It’s fun seeing Leslie Nielsen be such a despicable, crazed lunatic and there’s a fair bit of nuance to Richard as he shows glimmers of regret and madness throughout. The same can’t be said for Sylvia or any of the Grantham family, who were all obnoxious and thoroughly unlikable characters, or Pratt, who we delight in seeing tortured by the relentless cockroaches. While there’s not much gore in Creepshow and many of the scares are played for laughs, the practical effects are impressive. The squelching, zombified Nathan Grantham sets an early standard, rendering him as a grinning, rotting corpse who strangely exhibits telekinetic powers alongside superhuman strength, all while demanding his special cake. Harry and Becky’s waterlogged corpses are equally impressive, sporting sunken eyes, shrivelled features, and gushing bloody seawater when shot. Equally, the alien vegetation was really good in “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill”, with grass, moss, and vines rapidly overtaking the simple-minded goon’s land, house and, most terrifyingly, his body. This is a slow process more akin to an infection than body horror, though the depiction of the fungus gradually consuming him and eventually transforming him into a vaguely humanoid grass man nicely tied into his desperation for relief from his suffering. Fluffy may be one of the most obvious hand puppets but it’s certainly a unique creature, being some kind of rabid monkey. It’s a little weird and incredibly convenient that it always returns to its crate and only attacks when it’s most dramatic, but Fluffy delivers the most gruesome gore of the movie as it claws, gouges, and bites at its victims.

Despite some intriguing performances, the wraparound is bland and the pacing drags the film down.

“They’re Creeping Up on You!” was probably my second favourite of the segments (“The Crate” is just too long for me to rate it at number two), but it still felt lacking at times. Pratt is a suitably deplorable excuse for a human being and I enjoyed seeing him squirm and get increasingly agitated as cockroaches swarm his germ-proof apartment. There definitely seems to be a suggestion of the supernatural here, even knowing how quickly cockroaches can infest buildings, as they increase the more he belittles others and delights in the death and grief he’s caused. Lenora’s calls, especially her ominous final message, suggest she is putting a death curse upon him, or that her husband is enacting a gruesome and fitting revenge for all the pain Pratt’s caused. Although Pratt’s corpse is also quite obviously a highly detailed dummy, it was quite unnerving to see the cockroaches burst through his skin and envelop him, with this final segment certainly bringing more of a creepy vibe to the proceedings as opposed to the black comedy and unsettling atmosphere of its predecessors. There’s something deeply disturbing about the usually jovial Leslie Nielsen coldly describing what he plans to do to Sam Malone, forcing Harry to bury himself in sand at gunpoint and watch his lover struggle against the tide. Richard has a madcap nature to him that makes him extremely unpredictable, with him coolly commanding every situation with a few curt words and threats rather than physical violence. It’s tough to pick whether Nathan Grantham was more cruel and vindictive than Billy as both are aggressive, patronising, and demanding individuals who push their victims to breaking point, meeting fitting ends as a result (though Nathan’s so stubborn and malicious that he literally returns from the dead to get his Father’s Day cake!)

The Summary:
Although I’m a big fan of horror, horror comedies, comedies, and comic books, Creepshow missed the mark for me in many ways. It’s always to be expected that some segments in an anthology film will be stronger than others. Creepshow certainly offers a variety of stories, but the film is just too long and some segments really outstay their welcome rather than telling fun, gory horror tales. I liked that each one had a different flavour, from bickering families faced with a spiteful zombie patriarch to a spurned husband enacting a chilling revenge and a bizarre monster living in a box and ready to eat an abusive wife. The practical effects were an obvious highlight, with the rare instances of gore being quite shocking, the undead appearing very tactile and disturbing, and even the unconvincing Fluffy making an impression since it’s so weird and wild. I enjoyed seeing some famous faces pop up here, especially Ted Danson and Leslie Nielsen, though it might’ve been a mistake to give Stephen King such a prominent role. Jordy is so dim-witted he makes Tom Cullen seem like a genius (M-O-O-N, that spells “genius”!) and I felt the comedic buffoonery of the character really lessened the emotional impact of his transformation and suicide. Similarly, while it helps to build sympathy to see just how put upon Henry is, “The Crate” is crippled by its overly long run time, which is doubly disappointing considering most of the other stories deliver on their premise in an acceptable length of time. I enjoyed seeing the likes of Pratt and Richard get their comeuppance, and how different each story was, but the wraparound segments felt lacking to me as they didn’t capitalise on the unique aspect of the Creepshow comic book. Ultimately, I can’t help but feel a little dissatisfied with Creepshow, which maybe crams too much into its runtime to be as effective as other horror anthologies and definitely has a format that’s more suited to an anthology television show than the big screen.

My Rating:

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Pretty Good

How offended are you by my disappointment with Creepshow? Which of its short stories was your favourite? Do you agree that the pacing is off and it runs too long or were you satisfying by the length? What did you think to the special effects and sparing use of gore? Were you surprised to learn that Leslie Nielsen used to be a dramatic actor? Which of Creepshow’s sequels and counterparts is your favourite? Whatever you think about Creepshow, leave a comment, go check out my other horror anthology reviews and my guest spot on the Anthological podcast, and donate to my Ko-Fi to fund more reviews like this.

Game Corner: Spawn: Armageddon (PlayStation 2)

Dr. K1 Comment

Released: 21 November 2003
Developer: Point of View
Also Available For: GameCube and Xbox

The Background:
After making his debut in the comic book industry with his work on Coyote, avid artist Todd McFarlane stood out from his peers by revitalising The Amazing Spider-Man with his signature art style. In time, McFarlane became dissatisfied with his lack of creative control at Marvel and established Image Comics alongside other Marvel creatives in 1992. Image was led by Al Simmons/Spawn, a hellborn anti-hero first dreamed up by McFarlane as a teenager. Spawn #1 was a record-setting hit and became the most successful creator-owned comic of all-time. This led to a widely panned live-action adaptation, a beloved animated series, numerous toys, and a handful of videogames. Spawn’s first videogame outing was Todd McFarlane’s Spawn: The Video Game (Ukiyotei, 1995) which set a precedent for his subsequent outings, which garnered mixed reviews across the board. Developers Point of View sought to deliver the definitive Spawn experience in 2003, though there’s sadly little information available online about the development of this game. I can tell you, however, that Spawn: Armageddon received mixed reviews that criticised the repetitive gameplay, though some have praised it as an enjoyable enough title.

The Plot:
When the demonic forces of Malebolgia invade New York City, signalling the onset of Armageddon, Lieutenant Colonel Al Simmons/Spawn turns his supernatural powers against the hordes of Heaven and Hell to defend humanity.

Gameplay and Power-Ups:
Spawn: Armageddon is a third-person action brawler that focuses on melee, gunplay, and magical attacks courtesy of Spawn’s finite “Necroplasm”. Unfortunately, rather than striking a balance between high intensity, action-packed combat and emphasising stylish combo attacks like the Devil May Cry series (Capcom/Ninja Theory, 2001 to present), Spawn: Armageddon limits the player to a handful of melee attacks, assorted regular and supernatural firearms, lacklustre demon powers, and aggravating platforming sections. Offering three difficulty levels (which alter the strength of your enemies) and favouring a mission-based structure, Spawn: Armageddon sees you cutting down demon entities with Spawn’s “Agony Axe” (formed from his sentient cape) with Circle, jumping, double jumping, and gliding short distances with his tattered cape with X, and awkwardly using his chains (fired from his crotch!) to grapple with L1. Players fire Spawn’s currently equipped firearm with Square and unleash his Hell Powers with Triangle, using the directional pad to switch between them. You can (and should) hold R1 to target enemies, though there doesn’t seem to be a way to cycle your targets and you only target the closest one, can hit an axe slam by pressing Circle in mid-air, and open doors with X. Weapons are found as you explore the restrictive, bland environments and each needs ammo. In lieu of your guns, you can attack with your crotch chains, though defeated enemies and smashed crates will yield ammo to keep you topped up.

Switch your weapons depending on who you’re facing and battle the game’s awful camera.

Enemies and crates also drop coloured “Souls” you must collect. Green Souls replenish your Necroplasm, allowing you to use Spawn’s Hell Powers; Red Souls replenish your health; and you trade Blue Souls for upgrades between missions. From here, you can increase Spawn’s maximum health and ammo and the damage output of your guns, though each upgrade costs progressively more so I’d focus on increasing your health since there are no mid-mission checkpoints. Spawn has a shotgun for close-quarters combat, dual pistols, a sub-machine gun, a mini-gun, the Brimstone Cannon, a missile launcher, and the Inferno Cannon, with the latter requiring a charge and larger weapons (such as the mini-gun) weighing you down. Spawn can toss Necroplasm fireballs, fire an energy beam, erect a shield, and use “bullet time” to pummel enemies for as long as his meter lasts. Some enemies are weaker to certain attacks than others; they’ll shrug off your Necroplasm attacks and your explosives do minimal damage, so you must whittle them down with bullets. Like many elements, this isn’t as deep or as developed as it could be. It would’ve been interesting to see demons weak to bullets and angels weak to your Hell Powers, for example. Spawn’s axe combos aren’t very useful or complex, either, and I often forgot I had it. While you’ll largely be jumping or gliding over gaps or grappling about, Spawn can also wall jump. Unfortunately, the finnicky camera and Spawn’s clunky-ass controls make these platforming tricks frustrating. Spawn cannot block and has few options to avoid damage. He can be easily stun-locked and ragdolled by projectiles, making combat aggravating. It doesn’t help that Spawn: Armageddon throws waves of enemies at you, which just serves to expose how shallow and unfulfilling the combat is.

Tedious combat is awkwardly married with clunky platforming, delivering a lacklustre experience.

Spawn is often confined by Hellfire barriers or mist dispel or destroy skeletal Guardians once all nearby enemies are dispatched. Each mission has a specific objective you can review from the pause menu, but these mainly focus on destroying all enemies, activating switches, or spawning (pun intended) the end goal. In between awkwardly jumping up walls or between moving platforms, you’ll often destroy objects like junction boxes, generators, and power nodes for Heaven’s ominous space station. This opens doors, lowers barriers, or re-routes power to new areas, though it’s often unclear where you need to go or what you need to do as there is no map system and no onscreen indication of your objectives or when you’ve met them (beyond the end goal appearing). This was especially aggravating in the newspaper factory, where I activated a bunch of switches and was left clueless how to reach a higher platform. In the end, getting Spawn on top of a printing press and forcing the double jump and glide to barely get him close enough to ledge grab was the key. I was equally frustrated when disabling auto turrets, attacking gargoyles to raise bridges in Hell, and following blood trails in the subway since some gaps were very difficult to clear thanks to Spawn’s useless glide and grapple. When inside buildings, the game becomes uncomfortably claustrophobic and difficult to navigate as every area looks the same. When outside, the camera gets stuck and blocks your view. Heavenly bolts can rain down upon you, enemies constantly teleport in, you’ll take lifts and portals to new areas. Spawn must also struggle past laser defences and flame bursts, which only adds to the frustration when navigating the floating platforms and narrow stone columns of Hell. While dropping down pits usually resets you on solid ground, it’s an instant game over when descending deeper into the volcanic malebolge and good luck figuring out the looping, maze-like hallways of the Angel Station.

Presentation:
Spawn: Armageddon makes a good first impression. The pre-rendered cinematics bring Todd McFarlane’s distinctive art to life and suggest a game that’s going to at least be visually interesting to look at. You’re only further encouraged when Keith David reprises his celebrated portrayal of the titular anti-hero, but things quickly take a turn with the in-game graphics and painfully generic rock/metal soundtrack. Obviously, you have to give the game some leeway as it is a PlayStation 2 title but…damn, do these character models and environments look ugly and generic. I want to say Spawn fares the best since he closely resembles McFarlane’s artwork but he’s very clunky and struggles to navigate the largely claustrophobic locations. Keith David tries to add some gravitas to the action, punctuation victories with low chuckles and commenting on what’s happening around him, and Spawn’s cape impresses with it unfurls, but it’s odd to me that Spawn looks so low-res when Dante looked sleek and sexy just two years earlier. I liked that demonic creatures like the Violator and Malebolgia communicated through telepathy like in the animated series, though the game is disappointingly light on recognisable characters and villains from the comics. While cutscenes utilise both pre-rendered and in-game graphics, with Spawn being aided/mocked by Mammon throughout, it seems the developers ran out of time or money as major events are often relayed through text prior. This became increasingly noticeable as the game progressed and they were often used to explain a sudden shift in location, but the execution just felt very lazy and cheap to me.

Despite some strong visuals, the game struggles to leave a lasting impression.

You start the game in the heart of the city and return there often, clumsily wall jumping and hopping across rooftops as you defend Spawn’s alley, Rat City. You can destroy fire hydrants, cars, and bins for goodies and may notice the music awkwardly skipping, looping, or cutting out. This quasi-open environment is then replaced with the restrictive newspaper factory, a warehouse-like interior full of large printing presses that are deceptively difficult to climb on. Spawn raids Jason Wynn’s elaborate office building, though the luxurious corridors and offices aren’t much to shout about. However, I liked the wider foyer with its staircases and rooms were often ransacked, splattered with blood and corpses. Things switch back to generic, muddy, and dull as you explore the docks (you might want to adjust your television’s brightness settings for this game, just saying). While things were more visually interesting in the dilapidated subway, it was equally difficult to figure out where to go as everything looks the same. Spawn fends off angels outside city hall and spends a few missions in a twisted, nightmarish bastardisation of Central Park. Though you’re confined to a set path, the gnarled trees, burning Hellfire, and freakish enemies made this an enjoyable section. After battling in a disappointingly bland opera house (save for the giant props), Spawn’s forced to retreat to Hell to subdue his angelic counterpart, Anti-Spawn/The Redeemer. Hell is a volcanic mess of flame bursts, floating rocks, and chains floating around a central tower. After striking a deal with Malebolgia, Spawn fights through the Angel Tower and into the Angel Station, easily the most visually interesting and repetitive areas. While I enjoyed the ethereal lights, marble-like stone, the strange mixture of alien and otherworldly technology, this was a confusing mess of samey corridors that I was glad to see the back of.

Enemies and Bosses:
Spawn’s most recurring enemies here are imps, scrambling little demons who attack in groups, slashing with their claws, leaping at you, or tossing fireballs from afar. Luckily, they’re very weak and easily disposed of, as are the Hell Leeches that often burrow up from the ground and vomit Necroplasm-draining spit. Flying imps can be a bit trickier as they attack from afar while slaughtered corpses rise as flailing Meat Puppets whose torsos claw their way across the floor. While raiding Wynn’s office, you battle both his armed troops and possessed variants, who are noticeably feeble, unlike the twisted Tree demons who haunt Central Park. Often, these demonic forces are bolstered by the unsightly Lamenting Demon, a thrashing monstrosity that spawns floating eyes and is best fought from a distance. The Berserkers were some of the more annoying enemies as they leap at you with blade arms, strike fast, and take a lot of punishment a d made tougher when joined by the durable Whip Demons. Perhaps the most bizarre of Malebolgia’s forces are the Claw Demons, distinctly crab-like demons that scuttle around and lunge with their large front claws. You’ll also battle the formidable forces of Heaven, who teleport about in a blaze of Heavenly light and attack with lances, rain projectiles, and wield Brimstone Cannons. Angels were easily the most tiresome foes, especially in the Angel Station, where they just kept spawning. The space station’s crew also appear here; angels in their purest form, they travel as beams of Heavenly light and share a health bar, though your Necroplasm attacks can whittle them down quite nicely.

The game doesn’t use enough of Spawn’s rogues but, when it does, they’re the best bosses.

Many enemies are recycled as mini boss encounters, like when you battle angels outside City Hall and when the Hellhole opens in Central Park and you’re forced to fend off waves of Newborn demons who pose a significant threat if you’re low on ammo and Necroplasm. You’ll twice battle the Spider Tank, an arachnid mech possessed by demons; once in the docks and then in the more restrictive military warehouse. Either way, it lurches at you firing mini guns and a powerful front cannon, though it’s vulnerable from the rear. While in the docks, you contend with a hellish bulldozer, which tries to run you down and spawns Berserkers. Its weak spot (a disturbing, tentacle-like tongue) is only briefly exposed and is difficult to hit with those nippy bastards distracting you. This battle echoes the one against the brutish Michael Konieczni/Cy-Gor. This cybernetic ape fills a narrow alleyway and forces you to avoid its shockwaves and the debris it hurls, which is difficult as your movements and resources are limited. Spawn’s archenemy, the Violator, is also fought twice but, while he assumes a “frenzied” form in Hell, both battles are functionally the same. You must stay on an upper, circular path avoiding his claw swipes (which destroy your platforms), grappling to safety, and peppering him with attacks until he keels over. You get a prelude of your later battles with the Redeemer when fighting the Reaver, an armoured avenger who wields a titanic sword that covers a wide arc and which he hurls at you, alongside a devastating beam attack. The Redeemer favours floating above you, igniting the floor (forcing you to grapple to nearby spikes), and attacking with his own massive sword. In the finale, the Redeemer transforms into the Metatron for a two-stage final boss. In the first phase, it resembles a scorpion, attacking with its stinger and pincers and shielding itself at times. In the second, it becomes humanoid and leaps across the arena, fires fast projectiles, and unleashes a massive chest cannon. In every encounter, though, the Redeemer is a slow, lethargic enemy who often leaves himself wide open to your heavier attacks.

Additional Features:
After clearing each mission, no matter how short, your progress is tallied up, awarding you unlockables like concept art. Every enemy you encounter is added to the game’s encyclopaedia, providing additional lore and tips on how to defeat them, and numerous comic books can be found in most of the game’s environments, unlocking Todd McFarlane’s beautiful artwork to view. Clearing missions also allows you to freely replay them, challenging different difficulties if you wish, though your upgrading and saving options are limited when you choose this mode. Spawn: Armageddon also has a few cheat codes, inputted from the pause menu, that’ll bestow you with unlimited ammo and Necroplasm, all guns, unlock every comic and enemy entry in the encyclopaedia, and disable the blood. While it’s annoying that there isn’t an infinite health cheat, these codes make blasting the game’s wildly inconsistent missions a breeze.

The Summary:
I was really excited to play Spawn: Armageddon. I’m a huge fan of the character, and brawlers, and had high hopes for the game from what I’d seen, expecting something like a mixture of the Devil May Cry and God of War games (Various, 2005 to present). As I mentioned, my anticipation was high after seeing the decent FMVs and hearing Keith David’s voice, but it was all downhill after a couple of missions. Spawn: Armageddon looks and plays like an ambitious PlayStation title at times; its blocky visuals and clunky controls do little to showcase the power of the PlayStation 2. While the locations are true to the comics, they’re also painfully empty, generic, and bland, bar a few excepts (such as Central Park and Angel Station). Spawn and the demons may look passable enough, but the Violator and Malebolgia look awful and the game’s disappointingly light on recognisable characters. Take away the Spawn title and it’s just another ugly, muddy, clunky action game that needlessly pads out its awkward gun combat with frustrating platforming sections. Spawn’s powers are largely useless here; his cape and glide are stunted, his chains woefully ineffective, and his movement handicapped by his ungainly nature. Missions are all over the place, forcing you to knob about hopping to platforms or trying to get the damn glide and chains to work and then having you quickly destroy a few enemies and supplanting the cutscenes with cheap-ass text. A lack of unlockables (no skins? Really?) and collectibles and some uninspired bosses only compound matters, as do the endless waves of enemies that simply drive home how repetitive and shallow the combat is. It’s such a shame as there’s the ghost of a good game here but it feels as though the developers ran out of time and/or money and simply slapped together a quick, lacklustre brawler that really doesn’t do the character justice and is barely worth the time of even a die-hard Spawn fan such as myself.

My Rating:

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Could Be Better

Did you ever play Spawn: Armageddon? Did you enjoy it or, like me, did you find it a lifeless and disappointing experience? What did you think to Spawn’s firearms and array of powers? Did you also struggle with the gliding, grappling, and camera? Which if the bosses were you most disappointed by? Would you like to see Spawn get another videogame on modern consoles? Which of his videogame outings is your favourite, if any? Whatever you think about Spawn: Armageddon, share your thoughts in the comments, support me on Ko-Fi, and take a look at my other Spawn content.