Dr. K's Waiting Room

---

Since his first appearance in the pages of Detective Comics, Bruce Wayne/Batman has become a pop culture icon. September celebrates “Batman Day”, the perfect excuse to celebrate this grim and broody vigilante.

---

Quick Facts:
Just as Batman (Burton, 1989) was accompanied by a smorgasbord of merchandise and videogames from Sunsoft, so too was the controversial (but nonetheless profitable) Batman Returns (ibid, 1992). While Konami brought their success with sidescrolling arcade brawlers to the widely praised Super Nintendo version, SEGA got wildly different games released for their consoles. Though echoing Sunsoft’s work on the Mega Drive adaptation of Batman, this version of Batman Returns was regarding as a forgettable brawler at best and a frustrating, unsightly release at worst and is largely seen as inferior to its Super Nintendo counterpart.

First Impressions:
Batman Returns borrows quite a few elements from Sunsoft’s Batman adaptation for the Mega Drive, featuring a nearly identical options menu and some similar gameplay mechanics, while expanding the scope and giving Batman more toys. While you cannot change the game’s difficulty, you can still set how many lives you start with (three, five, or seven) and can now pick between a few control presets. I mapped attack to the A button, jump to B, and Batman’s “Special Weapon” to C. Batman still throws punches but can also execute kicks depending on which direction you press on the directional pad (D-pad). Batman’s feet are so well armoured that they protect him from bullets and attacks so you might want to throw a kick to defend yourself. When jumping, you can tap B to shoot Batman’s grapple and swing from overhead platforms, though you can still fire it upwards while standing still and pressing up and A. If you tap or hold C in mid-air, you either flap or spread Batman’s cape, allowing you to glide across gaps. This is marginally more useful than Batman’s somersault from the last game, but it has an energy meter and, more crucially, level design so cluttered, ugly, and confusing that you never know if you’re going to glide into a bottomless pit! You can replenish Batman’s health by grabbing hearts, collect 1-ups (or earn extra tries by accumulating points), and appear to have unlimited continues. However, this also comes with two major drawbacks that crippled my run. First, if you die when fighting a boss, you respawn at a pre-set checkpoint, meaning the boss’s health is restored. Second, if you exhaust all your lives and continue, you are sent back to the beginning of the stage, which makes Batman Returns needlessly frustrating very quickly.

Batman has a bunch of Special Weapons he can use with C. Each consume ammo, replenished by collecting item-specific power-ups, and is selected from the pause menu. Batman tosses Batarangs, stuns enemies with smoke bombs, fires his grapple gun, disorientates them with a swarm of bats, or throws “super seeking” Batarangs. These last three are the most powerful and cost the most to use so they’re best saved for boss battles, though I also found myself forced to waste a seeker Batarang when a shaft was blocked by enemies above. There are five levels (or “Acts”) with three stages each. Each Act sees Batman pull up in the Batmobile and swoop into the scene but, while Batman is a far bigger sprite than before, he still has no idle animations. He’s also a far bigger target and, though faster, is very slippery and as ungainly as ever. It doesn’t help that the visuals are uncomfortably distorted and pixelated. Batman Returns may retain the Christmas aesthetic of the movie and recreate elements like the gothic architecture and Max Shreck’s cat-themed shops, but it’s painful to look at and listen to. While there are some fun effects, like slanted buildings, and stages are far bigger than in the last Mega Drive game, it’s no fun struggling with the clunky controls, constantly taking damage from enemies or spike pits, or falling down a bottomless pit or to the bottom of the stage because hazards are obscured by foreground objects. Though enemies don’t respawn, everything is too zoomed in and too big, making it difficult to see or know where you’re going, health is sparse, and bosses absorb a bunch of hits before being defeated. While it’s fun seeing the Red Triangle Circus Gang rendered as enemies, it’s weird that stone gargoyles spring to life and attack you and Batman’s again forced to endure some needlessly aggravating platforming challenges.

My Progression:
Although I was immediately put off by the graphics and music of Batman Returns, I found Batman more durable than in the last game and was quite enjoying seeing recognisable landmarks from the movie recreated, however ugly, in each stage. Oswald Cobblepott/The Penguin’s goons and maniacal fowls litter each stage, exploding upon defeat, and stages contain multiple mini bosses. You soon fight Selina Kyle/Catwoman on the rooftops, for example, struggling to avoid her lengthy whip and frustrated to find she’s invulnerable when cartwheeling about. Gotham City itself attacks you as well, with those giant, ostentatious statues flinging gears from the background, and the Penguin battles you in a bell tower, flying about on his comical helicopter umbrella and tossing missiles. At first, this was a bit of a chore, especially as you must grapple up, avoiding gargoyles as you go, if you die against him. But, on my second try, I found the Penguin could easily be cheesed if you stay in one corner and throw punches. Things fell apart in Act 2, however, where one of the Penguin’s brutes stalks about atop one of Shreck’s department stores and tosses giant letters at you. This bastard follows your movements, meaning I couldn’t figure out how to grapple up to him without taking damage and, when I did, he decimated me with his meaty punches and kicks. Technically, this is where my game ended as I was so annoyed by this that I resorted to inputting the stage select code (a chore in itself!) I used this to skip to the inside of the store, where roller-skating punks, knife-tossing temptresses, and bomb-tossing jesters await before giant windows and around escalators. I then got my ass handed to me in a rematch with Catwoman that I had no hope of beating, found the next section started with an insta-kill rolling hazard I couldn’t avoid no matter how hard I tried, and skipped to the Red Triangle Circus stage…where a simple jump over a pit proved too difficult for this heavy-ass Batman!

Honestly, I was glad to be done with the game, which was an assault on my senses and a far cry from the simple, arcade action of the SNES beat-‘em-up. While I couldn’t reliably get the stage select code to work to check out the game’s later stages, a longplay I watched revealed that Batman Returns is only about half an hour long in the right hands. It also turns out that you have to grapple over that pit in Act III and battle through the background cages, but I’m buggered if I’m going to endure this game again any time soon. But, for due diligence, the rest of the game sticks pretty closely to the movie once Batman’s finished swinging about the Red Triangle’s ferris wheel, circus tent, and colourful, hazardous train. Act 4 takes him into the sewers, which feature rushing water slides, gun-toting clowns, and a maze of pipes. This leads to the Penguin’s frozen lair, where Batman slips about on frigid, precarious, often sloped platforms, avoiding icicles and riding ice floats. While there are sadly no vehicle sections here, you do battle the Penguin at the end of each subsequent Act. He flies about in Act 3 tossing buzzsaws, blasts you with toxic sludge from a giant cannon before unloading with his machine gun umbrella in Act 4, and pilots his giant duck vehicle in Act 5, which displays battle damage as you attack. Finally, the dishevelled and maniacal Penguin hops about his lair, blasting with his shotgun-like umbrella while electrical bursts flare overhead. After he’s defeated, Batman battles Catwoman one more time as the credits roll, with her being mysteriously spirited away by cats to end the game.

Continue?
My expectations were low for Batman Returns after how disappointing Sunsoft’s efforts were with Batman and having played the SNES version (through emulation) in my teens. I’ve always known that the Mega Drive version is an entirely different game, which immediately makes it far less appealing, but the reality is so much worse. For everything the developers improved from the last game, there are a bunch of bizarre decisions that make Batman Returns just as bad, if not worse. Visually, the game is dreadful. It’s so muddy and pixelated and almost impossible to see Batman against the drab, overly complicated backgrounds. They’re fantastically faithful to the movie, but that just makes it worse as half the time I couldn’t see enemies or projectiles and most of the time I had no idea if I was gliding into a bottomless pit. I liked Batman’s array of gadgets, but their usefulness is negligible as you’re probably just going to save them for the bosses. Batman’s weird glide doesn’t get much play, thankfully, and the grapple is restricted to just reaching higher ground, but Batman’s still a clunky character with limited moves in his arsenal. As if the visuals weren’t bad enough, the game sounds awful, lacking both Danny Elfman’s timeless score and jaunty tunes to make the janky gameplay more tolerable. I probably could beat this one now that I know how to get around that pit, but I have no desire to come back to it, especially when I could just emulate the SNES version or even try out a Mega Drive conversion of that game. This was ridiculously disappointing, doubly so as there are no vehicle levels despite Batman Returns feature three Bat-vehicles! I’d be surprised if you thought this game was any good but let me know if you did in the comments. While you’re here, why not check out my other Batman-related content or pop over to my Ko-Fi to drop a donation to keep the site going?