Dr. K's Waiting Room

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Long considered an unlucky day due to superstitions involving the number thirteen and religious connotations, Friday the 13^th is equally well-known as a long-running series of slasher movies.

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Quick Facts:
After purchasing most of the Friday the 13^th franchise from Paramount Pictures, New Line Cinema set about trying to make Freddy vs. Jason happen. With the project stuck in Development Hell, producers Jim Isaac and Sean S. Cunningham approved Todd Farmer’s idea to put Jason in Space. Originally pitched as an Alien (Scott, 1978) style slasher, the idea was drastically changed between scripting and shooting and is widely regarded as the franchise at its most ridiculous.

The Review:
Although Jason X cleverly opens with the misleading assumption that it’s starting in the fiery depths of Hell, it actually begins in the then-far-flung future of 2008. We never get an explanation of how malformed hockey masked slasher Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) escaped from Hell between the last movie and this one and instead find Jason (how sporting a fuzz of hair and slightly more human features beneath his mask) incapacitated at the Crystal Lake Research Facility. His handler, Rowan LaFontaine (Lexa Doig), later explains that multiple attempts were made to execute Jason and he simply shrugged them off. While in captivity, scientists and doctors experimented on him and were amazed by his unique regenerative abilities, which drove Doctor Aloysius Wimmer (David Cronenberg) to go over Rowan’s head to order Jason transferred for further research (and for a tidy profit). Fully aware of Jason’s aggressive and murderous nature, Rowan vehemently objected and was almost immediately proven right when Jason mysteriously escaped his bindings and killed Dr. Wimmer and the soldiers brought along to secure the transfer. As an expert on Jason’s behaviour and abilities, Rowan mustered her courage and used herself as bait, luring Jason to the on-site cryogenic storage facility and successfully locking him inside a cryogenic pod. However, Jason stabs Rowan in the gut with his trademark machete, causing cryogenic gas to leak out and freezing them both. Oddly, neither were discovered for about 450 years and, in that time jump, Earth is left a lifeless, heavily polluted hellhole after some unexplained catastrophe. Luckily, humans migrated into space, establishing space stations and a substitute home (Earth II) alongside mastering hyper speed space travel, holographic technology, and nanotechnology to instantly repair critical wounds and reattach limbs.

As no one from the military or government or any other social or economic body checked on the world’s most notorious serial killer in over 400 years, Professor Brandon Lowe (Jonathan Potts) discovers the bodies while leading a field trip to the barren wasteland (a regular occurrence, it turns out). Though confused by the technology of the past and the archaic ways of the 21^st century, the students are excited by the find, and the prospect of reviving Rowan, eagerly loading them onto their ship, the Grendel, even after gormless Azrael Benrubi (Dov Tiefenbach) suffers a mishap when Jason’s frozen body falls and severs his arm. While nanobots repair the damage and revive Rowan, Adrienne Thomas (Kristi Angus) studies Jason, amazed and disgusted by his gruesome appearance and bizarre DNA. Confused and disorientated, Rowan is shellshocked to learn how long she’s been asleep, and aghast when she finds out that Lowe brought Jason onboard. Lowe refuses to heed Rowan’s warnings, determined to become a “rich son of a bitch” from his find, and stubbornly refuses to see the danger before him, even when Sergeant Elijah Brodski’s (Peter Mensah) “grunts” are slaughtered by Jason. Rowan adapts to 2455 surprisingly well. She slips into Janessa Zachary’s (Melyssa Ade) clothing with ease, barely seems fazed that she’s on a spaceship, and little time is spent exploring her grief about Earth, her friends and family, and the years she’s lost. Indeed, she’s more interesting ogling KM-14 (Lisa Ryder), Tsunaron Peyton’s (Chuck Campbell) unnecessarily attractive, lifelike android who assists Lowe and the students with their learning (and survival). Rowan’s not like other “Final Girls” in the Friday the 13^th franchise: she’s intelligent, adaptable, and capable, having a wealth of knowledge about Jason. She knows not to underestimate him, that conventional weapons (even if they are futuristic) are of little use, and later employs this knowledge to help Tsunaron distract Jason with a holographic recreation of Camp Crystal Lake, complete with reckless teens (Kaye Penaflor and Tania Maro). However, her foreknowledge is little help as people don’t listen to her until it’s too late and she’s unfamiliar with the technology of the time, though this isn’t as emphasised as I would’ve liked.

Although Jason X offers “teenagers” in space rather than at summer camp and presents them as being more intelligent and capable than Jason’s usual cannon fodder (they’re either aspiring scientists or Brodski’s grunts), they’re still youths in a Jason movie and therefore the performances are somewhat hit and miss. Janessa, especially, is all over the place, manipulating Lowe with sexual favours and propositioning Tsunaron one minute, being a bitch to Rowan the next, and then happily activating the nanobots or helping prep the escape shuttle the next. Kirra “Kinsa” Cooper (Melody Johnson) suffers a mental breakdown after Jason murders her squeeze, Stoney (Yani Gellman), in front of her, being little more than a babbling, panic-stricken mess until she accidentally kills herself by activating the shuttle before it’s untethered. Tsunaron is oddly cast for such a big role as Chuck Campbell doesn’t have much charisma; he’s essentially Lowe’s right-hand thanks to his work with KM-14 and helps solve problems. He’s mocked for his obsession with KM-14, which he insists isn’t sexual, but later turns her into a killer robot capable of overpowering Jason and blasting him to bits by giving her an “upload” (presumably his penis…) Lisa Ryder seems to be channelling a bit of Brent Spiner for her portrayal of KM-14, who’s blunt, analytical, and logical, but with an odd spin where she desires to be anatomically correct and is more motivated to increase their chances of survival after kissing Tsunaron. Waylander (Derwin Jordan) rounds the “kids” out, helping to access systems and such, but ultimately being somewhat forgettable until his dramatic (and ultimately somewhat futile) sacrifice in the finale. Aside from their odd dress sense, there’s little differentiating these characters from their counterparts from the 1980s. They don’t use any futuristic slang or have variations on traditional tropes like the goth chick and only stood out because they’re fully capable of accessing various functions of the ship rather than being entirely clueless.

The students are protected by Brodski and his troops, who are as much a poor man’s version of the Colonial Marines as Peter Mensah is a discount Colin Salmon. Despite this, Brodski is a highlight of the film; I loved his stern but fair demeanour, his loyalty to his grunts, and his determination to keep everyone safe. He clashes with Lowe, who wants Jason alive for a profit, and goes rogue, ordering his troops to kill on sight, but is left alone in the cargo bay after Jason massacres his squad in a prolonged sequence. As much as I liked Brodski, who powers through two stab wounds to the gut, performs a spacewalk for the survivors to escape on the Tiamat, and ultimately sacrifices himself to destroy Jason, his troops were a disappointment. A hodgepodge of too-pretty youngsters lugging around overly cartoonish guns, Brodski’s team is all piss and vinegar until Jason picks them off one by one. The Grendel’s support crew were far more interesting, with pilot Louis “Fat Lou” Goddard (Boyd Banks) standing out due to his self-deprecating humour and his momentary joy at seeing Lowe’s head stuck on Jason’s machete and engineer Trevor “Crutch” Crutchfield (Phillip Williams) being memorable for his dishevelled appearance and lackadaisical attitude. While the future and advanced technology has seemingly made most people lazy and ignorant, Brodski remains focused, calculating, and determined. He listens to Rowan and has a bit of a bond with her and takes command of the survivors in ways the weaselly Lowe can only dream of.

Jason is bigger and wackier than ever here. Thanks to a throwaway line about his superhuman healing factor, Jason’s more human appearance is explained as him regenerating lost and damaged tissue, though the film presents this as a unique scientific abnormality rather than a supernatural one (presumably because they don’t know or believe in his supernatural abilities). I’d love to know how Jason was captured prior to the film and why he allowed himself to be subdued for so long. It doesn’t take much to get him killing again: it’s either an unnerved soldier (Jeff Geddis) covering his face or Kinsa having an orgasm that triggers him and, once he’s up, Jason refuses to go down. Jason shrugs off high-power ordinance, even refusing to stay down when KM-14 blasts his limbs off, before finally dropping when she blows off his head. Jason’s always been presented as a simple, child-like monster but, like Rowan, he seems completely nonplussed to be in space and in the future. He just grabs a new weapon and gets to work doing what he does best, making a point to slowly break Private Sven Katzjeve’s (Thomas Seniuk) neck, snap Azrael’s back across his knee, and impale many others as he wanders the Grendel. Jason briefly meets his match in KM-14 but undergoes a startling transformation into “Uber Jason” after the nanobots try to repair the damage. This transforms him into a leaner, more demonic-looking cyborg, restoring his eyes and garbing him in an awesome metallic mask and making him even more resilient to gunfire (and, apparently, explosions). Unfortunately, Uber Jason looks quite goofy from the neck down, appearing cheap and flimsy rather than a nightmarish mishmash of mangled flesh and cybernetics. I was also disappointed by the Crystal Lake hologram (which was originally scripted to include Jason’s mother) as it was more of a satire of the franchise’s tropes than a love letter to the past, with Jason comically bashing the holographic girls in their sleeping bags.

Despite having the highest budget of any Friday the 13^th film by that point, Jason X has not aged particularly well. It was ambitious to craft a space adventure for Jason, but the filmmakers went cheap by setting most of the action on a bright, uninspired spaceship. I give them props for using models and practical effects for most of the kills, but the CGI elements (particularly those holographic aliens) were awful even back then, and everything looks too clean and fancy on the Grendel for my tastes. Sadly, the same can be said about many of the kills, which are largely bloodless and more comedic than scary. Yes, everyone and their mother raves about Adrienne’s death, which sees her dunked face-first into liquid nitrogen and then having her frozen face smashed into bloody ice chunks, but I never rated it that high. It’s still possibly the best kill here, though, as Jason tends to slice necks, stab people in the gut, or awkwardly manhandle them. Private Dallas (Todd Farmer) is easily the worst onscreen kill as he just collapses after having his head bashed against a wall, while too many happen offscreen and are represented only by a splash of blood. I liked seeing Private Condor Jackson (Steve Lucescu) impaled on a giant mining screw, Private Briggs Valcez (Dylan Bierk) displayed on a huge claw hook, and Private Kicker Dune (Barna Moricz) reduced to a crawling torso (and seeing Dr. Wimmer get a spear through the gut!) But then you have Janessa being sucked through a hull bridge in the most bloodless way possible, Kinsa and Waylander simply blowing up, and an overall lack of gore. As if attributing 200 kills to Jason’s reputation wasn’t enough, Jason X also makes him directly responsible for hundreds more deaths when he kills Fat Lou and causes the Grendel to smash through and destroy the Solaris space station (though it’s weird that the Grendel wasn’t immediately destroyed on impact).

Still, this collision does critically damage the Grendel. With their pilot and anyone capable of flying the ship dead, their escape shuttle destroyed thanks to Kinsa’s despair, and the hull breeched, the survivors have barely thirty minutes left to live. Thanks to Tsunaron upgrading KM-14 into a super cheesy, kick-ass combatant, their primary issue (Jason) is left little more than a smouldering hunk of meat. However, Jason returns as Uber Jason thanks to the confused and malfunctioning nanobots and continues his rampage, manhandling Waylander, tearing through what’s left of the ship, and causing Kinsa to be sucked into space as the survivors are planting mines to separate the totalled part of the Grendel from the less damaged pontoon to increase their odds. The Tiamat arrives in time to dock with the Grendal and, incredibly, despite his severe injuries in the cargo hold, Brodski survives long enough for the nanobots to repair him and to aid in this plan, which sees him taking a quick spacewalk to repair the airlock doors before the ship explodes and/or Uber Jason catches up to the other survivors. A last-minute holographic simulation distracts Jason long enough for Rowan, Tsunaron, and KM-14’s head to escape on the Tiamat, and Brodski intercepts Uber Jason as he closes in. Amazingly, not only does Uber Jason survive the Grendel’s explosion, but Brodksi does, too! Somehow, he even dramatically flies in from offscreen as Uber Jason hurtles towards the Tiamat, tackling the cyborg killer in mid-flight and forcing them towards Earth II. Rowan and Tsunaron are then left to watch with gratitude as Brodski burns up as they pass through the planet’s atmosphere, the flames apparently incinerating Uber Jason as well. However, the film ends with the suggestion that whatever remains of Jason has crashed into a lake, hinting that he may continue his rampage again on this new world.

Final Thoughts:
Although I find Jason X disappointing, there’s something about it that is strangely appealing. On paper, there’s a lot of promise here: Harry Manfredini delivers a chilling score, Uber Jason is a great concept, and I like the idea of Earth being polluted to all hell by us ungrateful humans. Technically, the idea of Jason in space isn’t any more bonkers than zombie Jason or Jason fighting a telepathic girl or bring dragged to Hell, and yet somehow it is a step too far for this franchise. If the film had been darker and more serious, adopting an atmosphere like Alien as originally intended, this might’ve landed much better. Of course, that would’ve also been helped by a stronger cast. Peter Mensah is great and Lexa Doig tries her best but it’s hard to buy Rowan as this capable Jason expert as she mostly fades into the background, standing there frowning with an “I told you so!” look. Everyone’s a little too young and a little too wacky, with some bizarre line readings and an overly quippy, insultingly self-referential script that makes it seem like the filmmakers were embarrassed by the franchise. Jason Hodder does an excellent job as Jason (I especially liked his mask and overall design here) but he’s not scary in the slightest, his kills are largely boring, and Uber Jason looks too cheap and dumb to be as cool as it should be. It’s clear to me that the filmmakers played this one way too safe, opting for a comedy/horror/action hybrid that fails to impress in either genre and ends up being a disjointed mess of ideas. Yet…there is something here. It’s got a look and a vibe that’s pure cheese, meaning it’s probably far better enjoyed when you’re drunk or high. But c’mon…even “Jason fucking Voorhees” had to be thinking “How the fuck did I end up in space?!”

My Rating:

Pretty Good

Do you enjoy Jason X? Did you like the space setting or did you think it was too outrageous, even for this franchise? Were you also disappointed by Uber Jason and the lacklustre kills? Did you also find the victims quite bland? Do you think this concept could’sve worked if executed differently? Which Friday the 13^th movie is your favourite? Leave your thoughts on Friday the 13^th (the movie, franchise, and day) in the comments and support me on Ko-Fi for more horror content.