Dr. K's Waiting Room

Quick Facts:
Born on this day in 1947, Arnold Schwarzenegger defined a genre with his muscular physique and action-packed roles. Director Ivan Reitman gave the Austrian Oak a chance to try some comedy with Twins, which saw him, co-star Danny DeVito, and Reitman cash in when they waved a salary for a percentage of the film’s unexpected financial success. Despite a mixed reception, life-long friendships were formed from the film, though a long-rumoured sequel was cancelled after Reitman’s unfortunate passing.

The Review:
Much of the comedy in Twins naturally focuses on the ludicrous idea that man-mountain Julius Benedict (Arnold Schwarzenegger) could ever be biologically related to squat, dishevelled Vincent Benedict (Danny DeVito). The physical mismatch between Schwarzenegger and DeVito is visually amusing, to say nothing of the characters having strikingly different philosophies and personalities. The Benedicts are not natural twins in the strictest sense, however, but rather the result of a top-secret biological experiment, run by Doctor Mitchell Traven (Nehemiah Persoff), to create the “perfect” human. By taking sperm donations from six mentally and physically fit volunteers, including Granger (Hugh O’Brian), and combining them into a super sperm, Dr. Traven and his associate, Professor Werner (Tony Jay), artificially inseminated Maryanne Benedict (Heather Graham), who successfully birthed a genetically superior child. However, the experiment surprisingly produced a second child, Vincent, whom Dr. Traven derogatorily describes as “all the crap that was left over”. Dr. Traven then separated the twins and lied to Maryanne and told her that her single child died at birth. Vincent went to an orphanage where he caused a fire, seduced a nun, and stole money from their fund before fleeing while Julius was sent to a tropical island with Professor Werner. Professor Werner fostered Julius’s mental and physical progression, moulding him into a kind-hearted and deeply intelligent man with the stature and strength of a demigod. However, isolation meant Julius was “all philosophy and no practise” as all his knowledge came from books rather than real-world experience. Although Professor Werner was honest about Julius’s origins, he chose to wait thirty-five years to tell him about Vincent, inspiring an obsession within the naïve Julius to seek out his twin in Los Angeles and complete himself, convinced that Vincent desperately needed his love and support.

Julius isn’t wrong, either, as Vincent grew up to be little more than a street-smart scam artist and serial adulterer. A scheming, weasely little man, Vincent regularly tosses his parking tickets, steals cars from a parking lot, and peddles presumably stolen wares. Vincent is desperate to pay off the brutish Klane brothers (David Efron, Maury Chaykin, and Tom McCleister) and his shady nature earns him the ire of Marnie Mason (Kelly Preston), the overprotective sister of Vincent’s smitten girlfriend, Linda Mason (Chloe Webb), who adores Vincent despite his untrustworthy nature. When his luck runs out and Vincent is arrested, he’s initially suspicious when the towering Julius visits, assuming he’s an associate of the Klanes, but is equally stunned when Julius reveals they’re twin brothers. Although Julius was expecting someone more physically akin to himself, he immediately accepts and is devoted to Vincent, excitedly sharing his life story and his awe at the big city. Though sceptical, Vincent happily takes advantage of Julius’s kindness and naivety, tricking him into paying his bail and repeatedly trying to ditch him, only to change his opinion when Julius calmly and easily dispatches the Klane brothers. Impressed by Julius’s physical strength and seeing an opportunity, Vincent ropes his newfound brother into helping him steal a Mercedes, deceiving Julius with talk of a charity auction, and teaches Julius the ways of the big city, amazed at his brother’s intelligence. Although he’s aware that his brother is a rather unscrupulous individual, Julius is determined to help however he can, be it paying off Vincent’s debts or driving a stolen car despite never having driven before. Julius is excited to connect with his kin and his enthusiasm eventually breaks through Vincent’s scepticism, especially when Julius reveals key information about the experiment that birthed them. However, Vincent is reluctant to fully accept Julius as his brother as he’s spent his entire life alone and doesn’t want to get burned by opening his heart since he believes he was abandoned at birth.

As disgusted as Marnie is by Vincent since she has no time for his lies and conniving ways, she’s immediately struck by the kind Julius, whose muscles and profound empathy contrast with Vincent’s squat stature and falsehoods. Although he clearly returns Marnie’s affections, years of isolation have made Julius shy and inexperienced around women, so he turns to Vincent for help. For all his faults, Vincent is quite the charmer, repurposing love songs as poetry and seducing them with a waltz, which he teaches to Julius in an amusing bonding scene. Vincent’s energetic enthusiasm for their dual hook-up makes Julius uncharacteristically nervous but his brother’s encouragement (and a few beers) helps calms Julius’s worries, and Marnie’s thirst for him soon sees Julius getting some much-needed sexual experience. Linda is besotted with Vincent, forgiving his multiple betrayals, lies, and faults, and falling for his silver tongue. When she sees Vincent packing up to head to New Mexico, she insists on going with him, forcing Vincent to begrudgingly take them all on a road trip with a stop-off to search for their birth mother. Linda’s the only one who knows about the mysterious merchandise in the Mercedes and the only one he confides in that he hopes to cash-in by delivering it to the mysterious and oddly named Beetroot McKinley (Trey Wilson). The Masons are fun inclusions and support their men admirably, dressing up nice to visit a Santa Fe art colony where Dr. Traven says their mother is sequestered and offering support when an artist (Bonnie Bartlet) reveals their mother passed some time prior. Unfortunately, Vincent takes this revelation very badly, throwing a tantrum and chastising himself for opening his mind and heart to the idea of them all being a true family, and ditches them in the middle of New Mexico. It’s Linda who reveals how deep a hole Vincent has gotten himself into and inspires Julius to chase his brother down once more using the amusing twin telepathy the two are shown to share.

Vincent gets the score of his life when he boosts the Mercedes as it contains a prototype fuel injector worth billions. Desperate to acquire the device, Beetroot arranges for mercenary Webster (Marshall Bell) to pick up the car and drive it to Houston, Texas for a cool $5 million, only for Webster to be stunned when the car is missing. Webster investigates, gunning down anyone who sees his face as he goes, and learns Vincent stole the car and is planning to deliver it in his place. Although Beetroot is outraged when Vincent (posing as Webster) tries to renegotiate, he’s soon calmed when a shellshocked Vincent accepts the standing offer and barely blinks when he learns that the device is with the wrong man. Webster understands that business is business and appears not to hold a grudge, however he remains hot on Vincent’s trail and tracks him to a remote McKinley facility, where Vincent receives his payoff and Webster callously offs Beetroot. Although Julius intervenes, Vincent reluctantly double back to keep his brother from being shot, exasperated by the conscience the good-natured Julius has fostered in him, leading to an amusing moment where the Benedicts bicker while held at gunpoint by Webster. Webster doesn’t get much screen time but he’s a perfectly acceptable psychopath when he appears. Calm and seemingly reasonable, he thinks nothing of killing those who see his face or leaving the Klane brothers nursing bullet wounds in their ankles. I do wonder if it might’ve been better to slightly rewrite things and have Webster be the Klane patriarch, just to tie all those plot threads together, but he facilitates some amusing moments in the finale while also giving Julius another opportunity to show that he’s just as capable of ending confrontations with his intellect as he is his muscles.

Twins was a very different role for Arnold Schwarzenegger at the time that showed he’s capable of excellent comedy, especially as a “fish out of water”. Julius is amazed by the big city, by sexy magazines and lingerie, and it’s fun watching him wander about, taking it all in, oblivious to street crime and scams. He’s immediately taken by Vincent and desperately tries to connect with him, even when Vincent drives off and leaves him behind and tries to ditch him to deliver the fuel injector. Danny De Vito is the perfect physical and comedic foil for Schwarzenegger and it’s funny seeing how different they are, with Vincent being a cynical and pessimistic outcast and Julius always seeing the best in people and being unquestionably positive and trusting. Each learn from the other to become more whole but it’s Vincent who has the most to gain from his brother as he reluctantly allows himself to believe there’s a chance they can be reunited with their mother, who didn’t die in birth. Vincent insists on addressing Julius’s wardrobe and questionable social skills and is excited to be a family, only to be crushed when he’s told his mother has died. Yet, Julius’s influences sees Vincent act against his better nature and self-preservation and risk confronting Webster to keep Julius from being shot. Vincent is aghast when Julius insists they return the $5 million, only to profit from the gesture with a $50,000 reward and squirrel away $1 million as recompense. Vincent and Julius use their reward to settle their debts and start a consulting firm and find a new sense of self and happiness with each other than only doubles when the artist they met comes to them in shame, revealing herself to be their mother and finally uniting them as a family with Professor Warner and the Masons, and two new sets of twins!

Final Thoughts:
Twins was a firm favourite of mine as a kid, when I grew up watching a slightly edited version that removed the few instances of swearing. I really enjoyed the physical differences between Julius and Vincent, how incredibly different they were and yet how alike they are, with Schwarzenegger and De Vito utilising similar mannerisms and body language to show that that Benedicts are more alike than they appear. This was a really fun role for Schwarzenegger that gave him a chance to be a bit deeper and more rounded than his action roles. Julis is deeply empathetic and philosophical and incredibly intelligent, using violence as a last resort and impressing with his kind heart and enthusiasm as much as his muscles. De Vito steals the show as Vincent, however, being a loud, arrogant, outspoken conman whose heart is melted by his brother’s good nature. While Webster and some of the fuel injector subplot isn’t very developed, it’s largely secondary and simply here as a reason to get the twins on the road and learning rom each other. It works for what it is, which Vincent being clueless about what the device is and interested only in the money and Webster being exasperated that this small-time crook has scammed him out of $5 million. Twins is a great, feel-good film to put on in the early afternoon or mid-evening and just have a fun time, laughing at Vincent’s shenanigans and Julius’s naivety and joining the two on their emotional journey to become a proper family. It’s a great showcase for Arnold’s acting range and still holds up today, so it’s an easy recommendation from me.

My Rating:

Great Stuff

Do you enjoy Twins? Did you like seeing Arnold in a more comedic role? What did you think to the differences and similarities between the Benedicts? Were you invested in the fuel injector sub-plot? Are you disappointed that we never got a sequel? How are you celebrating Schwarzenegger’s birthday today and what’s your favourite Schwarzenegger film? Whatever you think, go ahead and leave your thoughts below, support the site on Ko-Fi, and check out my other Schwarzenegger content on the site.