Dr. K's Waiting Room

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October 5^th is officially recognised as “Global James Bond Day” so I’m dedicating some time to revisiting some firsts in the long-running franchise.

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Released: 19 December 1969
Director: Peter R. Hunt
Distributor: United Artists
Budget: $7 million
Stars: George Lazenby, Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas, Gabriele Ferzetti/David de Keyser, and Ilse Steppat

The Plot:
While posing as a genealogist to uncover terrorist mastermind Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s (Savalas) mad plot to cause bacteriological warfare through brainwashed agents, British secret agent James Bond/007 (Lazenby) reluctantly romances and falls for the reckless Contessa Teresa “Tracy” di Vicenzo (Rigg).

The Background:
Created by former Navy intelligence officer Ian Fleming. MI6 super spy James Bond was famously brought to life by Sean Connery, beginning a long-running cinematic franchise. However, Connery’s decision to retire from the role sent producers Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman’s plans for the sixth 007 film out of whack as much as the ongoing rights issues regarding Blofeld and the Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion (SPECTRE). When their top choice to replace Connery, Roger Moore, became unavailable, the producers cast Australian model George Lazenby, who had little acting experience. Director Peter R. Hunt also chose to recast Blofeld with Telly Savalas, seeking a more physical presence for the villain, while Diana Rigg became the latest “Bond Girl” after producers were impressed with her work on The Avengers (1961 to 1969). Although the tabloids claimed Rigg despised Lazenby, the actor later quashed these rumours, though he did refuse to return as 007 out of fears of being typecast. Largely filmed in Switzerland, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service became as famous for its ski sequences as its tragic ending, which saw Hunt purposely wear Lazenby down to force the required emotion from him. Despite its $82 million box office being one of the highest of 1969, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service made considerably less than the previous Bond movies and critics loathed Lazenby’s portrayal and unfairly compared him to Connery. While this led to the producers desperately offering Connery an unprecedented deal to return in the following movie, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is now generally seen as an under-rated entry in the franchise, one praised for its visual beauty and stirring performances.

The Review:
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (OHMSS) features the one and only appearance of George Lazenby as the world-famous super spy. Amusingly, the film sets a tone for subsequent newcomers to the role by largely obscuring Lazenby’s features in the traditional pre-title sequence and slowly introducing his new interpretation of Bond. This is all done with a mixture of brutal action, intrigue, and tongue-in-cheek humour as Bond comments on his inability to get the girl. Once the titles are done, OHMSS apes Bond’s first appearance in these films by sitting him at a poker table and piling up the winnings with casual confidence. Once again, Bond runs into the alluring woman from the opening, whom he saved from an apparent suicide attempt, only to get the cold shoulder even after he bails her out from her poor card playing. Though she agrees to meet him in her hotel room, Bond is once again jumped from behind and gets into another fist fight. When Bond returns to his room and finds the woman, the stubborn Tracy, she denies any knowledge of his attackers and spends the night with him, only to disappear in the morning and for Bond to be coerced into a car. Thus, our introduction to this new Bond is somewhat inconsistent. On the one hand, he has the same look, penchant for cigarettes and fine dining, and card skills as his predecessor and is pretty good in a fight. On the other hand, he’s constantly being jumped at random, keeps getting the brush off from Tracy (who seems to resent his interference), and has no choice but to go along when he’s kidnapped as he’s powerless to do much else. Sure, Sean Connery was in similar positions, but I think it might’ve helped if the opening established Bond was following Tracy as part of his investigation into SPECTRE.

Bond is taken to meet Tracy’s father, Marc-Ange Draco (Ferzetti/de Keyser), a charismatic mob boss who despairs of his wayward daughter and wishes Bond to “dominate her” to set her straight, even offering him £1 million if he woos and marries her. Though he’s attracted to Tracy, Bond rejects the offer, aghast at being tied down or compromising himself, but changes his mind when Draco agrees to offer information on the whereabouts of Blofeld, SPECTRE’s elusive mastermind. Thus, Bond sets to work cooling Tracy’s cold heart but is angered when he returns to London and his cantankerous superior, “M” (Bernard Lee), relieves him of the Blofeld mission. Although ready to quit in protest, Bond’s granted two weeks leave thanks to the intervention of Miss Moneypenny (Lois Maxwell) and heads to Portugal for Draco’s birthday. There, Tracy is incensed to learn that her father is using her as a bartering tool and angrily forces Draco to give Bond the information so he won’t be obligated to waste time with her. However, this is merely a front for the feelings Tracy has developed for the suave secret agent and, having grown fond of her as well, Bond smooths things over and the two properly fall for one another. However, this romance takes a noticeable backseat when Draco points Bond to a law firm, which he swiftly breaks into to discover that Blofeld is posing as Count Balthazar de Bleuchamp and has established a restricted clinical allergy research institute in the Swiss Alps. Bringing his evidence to M, Bond is swiftly allowed to meet with and assume the identity of Sir Hilary Bray (George Baker), a genealogist who’s been asked to verify Blofeld’s ancestry. Adopting an exaggerated accent, ill-fitting clothes, and glasses, Bond is taken to Piz Gloria by Blofeld’s number two, the grim-faced but accommodating Irma Bunt (Ilse Steppat), and a curious game of cat-and-mouse begins.

Unfortunately, this is where OHMSS really falls apart for me. It’s ludicrous to think that Blofeld wouldn’t immediately recognise Bond, whose disguise is somehow worse than the Japanese cosplay he adopted in the previous film, especially after they’ve already met. It’s pretty obvious that Blofeld is aware of the deception from the start and simply plays along to prove his superiority over Bond, or perhaps because he finds it amusing, genuinely believing he has a legitimate claim to being Count Balthazar de Bleuchamp since he has (presumably forged) documentation and has cut off his ear lobes to match the Bleuchamp bloodline. While Bond is as well versed in many subjects as ever, he spends some time with Sir Hillary to learn about genealogy and mimic his mannerisms, appearing to be a meek intellectual who, while exceedingly polite, has little interest in the beautiful women being treated for allergies at Piz Gloria. However, since his disguise is little more than a pipe and a kilt, Bond naturally catches the eye of the patients, who are incredibly horny. Thus, while Bunt enforces strict rules within the clinic, both Bond and the girls sneak out for a few bunk ups, though this seems to merely be a passing distraction for Bond. It also proves to be his undoing, as Bunt surprises him and Blofeld chastises his lustful ways since it was just one of many signs that “Sir Hillary” wasn’t who he claimed to be. Bond’s far more capable when it comes to escaping Blofeld’s compound, skiing to safety only to be relentlessly hounded in Lauterbrunnen. This is when Tracy finally returns, rescuing Bond, and he spontaneously decides he’s so in love with her that he wants to marry her and give up his violent lifestyle and womanising ways.

After finally being revealed as a scheming, disfigured criminal mastermind in the previous film, Blofeld has spent the last two years transforming into the fetching, silver-tongued director of a special clinic for those suffering from crippling allergies. Charismatic and sophisticated, Blofeld charms his patients and commends their progress and is so confident in his allure that he even tries to seduce Tracy after kidnapping her from an avalanche. To the outside world, Blofeld is a reclusive and private individual whose clinic is so restricted that unauthorised visitors are shot at and turned away on sight. Oddly, it seems Blofeld has the perfect setup at Piz Gloria but he draws undue attention to himself by claiming to be Count Balthazar de Bleuchamp, something which has little relevance to his true, mad plot. While Blofeld has successfully cured or aided his patients’ allergies using hypnosis, he’s also been brainwashing them into being his unsuspecting “Angels of Death”, charging them with unleashing a biological agent that will render all plant and animal life impotent. Blofeld’s endgame is to hold the world to ransom, threatening famine and extinction unless he’s given amnesty for his crimes and the title of Count Balthazar de Bleuchamp. While we don’t get to see this chemical agent in action, Blofeld provides a small sample to the United Nations and keeps Bond prisoner to verify his threat, confident that his demands will be met before a cure is inevitably found. So horrifying is Blofeld’s threat that the world’s governments agree to roll over, pointedly refusing Bond’s demands to launch a strike on Piz Gloria and cut Blofeld off from commanding his Angels of Death. Thus, Bond turns to his future father-in-law, Draco, who happily agrees to lead an assault on Piz Gloria to both rescue Tracy (though their haphazard gunfire says otherwise) and stop Blofeld’s mad scheme.

The Nitty-Gritty:
I’ve always found OHMSS to be a particularly dull Bond movie, and Lazenby’s mediocre turn as the character is only part of it. The film lacks a punchy title song, preferring excerpts of Louis Armstrong’s “We Have All the Time in the World”, a fittingly smoochy and emotional tune that hits doubly hard during the tragic finale.  Additionally, Bond noticeably lacks any fun gadgets; “Q” (Desmond Llewelyn) is merely a cameo and the best we get is a massive safe picking machine, a deconstructed sniper rifle, and a bog-standard printer/copier. I am a fan of the romance angle, though, of Bond learning there’s more to life than random hook ups and his staunch commitment to Queen and Country. However, the execution is lacking. I liked that Tracy initially appeared forthright and almost dismissive of Bond, barely caring that he was getting roughed up or giving him the time of day. However, Draco is right when he notices that Tracy “likes [him]” but is hiding behind a stubborn façade as Tracy falls for Bond like any other woman. She even acknowledges that Bond is unlikely to return those feelings, and yet helps him Lauterbrunnen and is so delighted by his proposal that she cries tears of happiness every time he’s around. The shadow of Tracy’s former, headstrong self resurfaces when she’s held captive by Blofeld as she attempts to disarm him with her beauty and even puts up a decent fight against his men, but she loses so much of her edge so quickly that it’s hard to see why Bond falls for her as she simply becomes another pretty girl who’s besotted by him. I also rate OHMSS poorly because it’s such a slog, churning along at a snail’s pace and placing so much focus on Bond’s ridiculous infiltration of Piz Gloria that wouldn’t have fooled a blind man!

Still, there are some positives to OHMSS. The film is very beautiful, with the snowy Swiss Alps providing a gorgeous backdrop for Blofeld’s compound. While his facility isn’t as memorable as a hollowed-out volcano launch base, it is very slick and futuristic, forcing Bond to find ways to escape his confinement and brainwashing the girls to follow Blofeld’s commands. Bond gets into a lot of scuffles in OHMSS, generally emerging unscathed after summarily drowning his foes, flinging them off the Swiss Alps or tumbling into a wood chipper, and constantly lashing out to catch his capturers off-guard. Naturally, most chases occur either in the snow or down the dangerous Swiss Alps, with the finest rear projection money selling the illusion that the actors are in the thick of it. All joking aside, the skiing sequences are really fun. It is bizarre that Blofeld’s henchman can’t hit their target when there’s no cover around, but then they are rocketing down a mountain at high speed so I’ll forgive it. Seeing them careen off the side is quite harrowing, and watching Blofeld set off an avalanche to bury his hated foe made for an exciting sequence (though it’s a little unbelievable that Bond survived). There are also a couple of car chases here, but the big action set piece comes when Bond and Draco assault Blofeld’s lair. Strangely, considering how fortified the compound appears, Blofeld has no anti-aircraft guns and is initially easily deceived by Draco’s claims to be on a mercy mission. His men are thus ill-equipped against a full-scale assault, easily being gunned down and blown over balconies when Bond attacks. OHMSS utilises some impressive miniatures to showcase Piz Gloria’s destruction, though there’s a painfully noticeable delay (even by Bond movie standards) between Draco’s wristwatch, the bomb timer, and Bond and Blofeld escaping the compound before it blows.

Having narrowly escaped, Blofeld stumbles down the mountainside with Bond in hot pursuit. Any sense of poise, composure, and authority is evaporated once Blofeld speeds off in a bobsleigh, desperately taking pot shots at Bond and comically fumbling with a grenade! Desperate to get his man, Bond doesn’t let a little thing like being blown from his bobsleigh slow him down and gets into a clumsy fist fight with the SPECTRE head that ends with Blofeld seemingly killed by a branch. Seemingly victorious, Bond makes good on his promise and marries Tracy before friends and family. Though obviously heartbroken, even Miss Moneypenny is pleased for Bond and the ceremony allows former enemies M and Draco to reminisce on previous encounters between their organisations. Elated to have found a woman worth settling down for, Bond and Tracy drive towards a seemingly happy future, already planning to build a family together. However, their overly decorated wedding car draws much attention and Bond realises that he never bought his wife a gift, or flowers, so he pulls over to strip the vehicle and share a sweet moment with Tracy. Unfortunately for him, Blofeld not only survived their anti-climatic battle but returns with a vengeance, barrelling towards them at high speed (comically sporting a neck brace) alongside Bunt. Bond barely has time to flinch before Bunt unloads with a machine gun but is determined to chase after the villain. However, Bond’s horrified to see that Tracy has been killed by a bullet to the forehead. As a passing motorist stops by, Bond cradles his dead wife, barely holding back tears, and briefly taking solace in denial before succumbing to a grief that would come to define much of his later characterisation.

The Summary:
I’ve never been a fan of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and have long held the belief that the film would’ve struggled to impress me even if Sean Connery or Roger Moore had been in the role. Connery being Bond would’ve made things simpler, for sure, but I doubt even his magnetic presence would help with the uneven tone, slow pacing, and more ridiculous elements. As I understand it, many consider George Lazenby to be an under-rated Bond actor, though I disagree. He barely has the look, certainly doesn’t have the acting chops or screen presence, and is as thoroughly unconvincing as Bond as Bond is at impersonating Sir Hillary. Lazenby’s flaws are only exacerbated whenever he shares the screen with the charismatic Draco, the stunning Tracy, or the captivating Blofeld. While it annoys me that Blofeld is no longer scarred or a devious psychopath, Telly Savalas oozes charm and commands the screen, easily overshadowing Bond and yet portraying Blofeld so differently that he may as well have been a different villain. I did like the concept behind Tracy and her romance with Bond, but it was a mistake to make this a glorified side-plot and for her to disappear for the middle portion of the film. It might’ve been better to have her infiltrate Blofeld’s compound under the guise of needing treatment, or for her to have attended Blofeld’s facility and need to be freed from his control…anything to get her involved in the second act and avoid the nonsense Sir Hillary aspect. Admittedly, it was amusing seeing Bond work his way through the Angels of Death, but also a shitty move considering he was supposed to be in love with Tracy. The skiing sequences and explosive finale were decent, but the bobsleigh chase was laughable and OHMSS greatly suffers from a lack of memorable gadgets. The only reason anyone remembers it is the tragic and dramatic ending, which shows Bond at his most vulnerable and hits like a blow to the gut. However, this isn’t enough to elevate OHMSS, which remains one of my least favourite Bond movies and a mere footnote in the character’s history, which is a shame considering how relevant its finale was to future interpretations of the character.

My Rating:

Could Be Better

Do you think I’m being too harsh on On Her Majesty’s Secret Service or do you agree that it’s one of the weaker Bond movies? Are you a fan of George Lazenby or do you agree that he was miscast? What did you think to Telly Savalas’s less monstrous version of Blofeld? Were you left devastated by the ending? Which Bond actor, film, story, villain, or moment is your favourite? How are you celebrating James Bond this month? Whatever you think about On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, or James Bond in general, feel free to leave a comment below, check out my other James Bond reviews, and donate to my Ko-Fi to suggest more 007 content for the site.